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Author Topic: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!) UPDATED 12/13!!
BecJedi 
Registered: Jul '03
14754_Mistryl Shadow Guard
Date Posted: 11/23/03 6:29pm Subject: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!) UPDATED 12/13!! - Date Edited: 12/13/03 6:45am (3 edits total) Edited By: BecJedi
Summary: A drunken Tahl, a caffeine-crazed Obi-Wan, a terrified Bant and Qui-Gon at his wits end. Can they survive a formal evening together?

Note: Hey all, this is a humour fic by myself (BecJedi, obviously wink ) and Charmisjess. Either one of us will post regular updates (every few days!). We’ve written different parts, so each post is a funky mixture of both our writing. Enjoy! happy

***

Well?" Ki-Adi-Mundi asked, his usually pale features flushing pink. "This is not a hard decision I would think!" he turned back to the two other Council members present, Yoda and Mace Windu, ill-disguised impatience in his voice.

"No?" Yoda questioned, giving him a completely clueless look. "Not a hard decision, hmmm?"

Mace turned. He'd been staring out the window for an hour now, but perked up as he heard Yoda speak. "You think this isn't a hard decision?" he asked, quickly trying to remember what they were even discussing in the first place.

Ki-Adi sighed heavily. "No! That's what I just...!" he turned away trying hard to release his anger. We've got to meditate on everything! "We can simply send Jinn and Kenobi. It's not a hard job! They can do it! All that needs to be done is to go to the dinner and look like proper Jedi!" he shook his head. "They can do that can't they?"

"NO!" Mace said, standing up quickly. "No they cannot! We must send someone else to meet with the Duke!"

Yoda watched through sleepy eyes as Mace and Ki-Adi argued. A powerful Duke on one of the Inner Core worlds was about to donate a large sum of money to the Temple, but first wanted to meet with the Jedi about it. It was not an uncommon occurrence, a wealthy being wishing to leave his money to the Order to further peace and justice. And this process of choosing a Jedi team to send should have been easy.

Yoda massaged his temples with a green finger. It had seemed so simple, so trivial really, just send Qui-Gon. He was a Master, with a mostly respectable padawan, a good friend of Yoda's and had been trained by the best. Plus he wasn't on a mission and wasn't in the midst of some training session. A perfect choice. But it seemed no one in the Temple could just leave it at that.

"Furthermore he's...he's unorthodox! " Mace finished with drawing out the last word to make sure the other two Jedi heard it. "He and that apprentice of his... yes that Obi-Wan! They'd ruin it! We must send someone more qualified."

Ki-Adi Mundi gave another sigh and glanced at the list of Jedi currently stationed in the Temple that would have their Friday evenings free. He flicked his eyes upward. "How about we send Lady Tahl?"

Mace's eyes bulged. Yoda spoke before he could burst out. "Yes. Together we shall send them."

Mace's mouth opened but all that came out were little gasps. He gestured wildly first at Ki-Adi Mundi and then to Yoda. The little Jedi waved him away with a hand. "Now, now, settled it is. Inform them you shall. Cold my hot wax is getting." With that remark he shuffled out.

Ki-Adi-Mundi cocked an eyebrow at Yoda's retreating form. "WAX?"

"They'll ruin us!" the dark-skinned Master blurted out, ignoring his fellow Jedi. "I went through training with those two. They-they aren't like the rest of us. Did you hear about when they skipped class that time and..."

" 'That time' happened to be years ago Master Windu. They were ten!"

"Ten or not they live in a twisted world where the rules of sane Jedi like us don't apply!" he urged, clutching at Ki-Adi's cloak. "Please! Come to your senses, friend! Its QUI-GON JINN AND TAHL!" he pleaded.

"Good day Master Windu." Ki-Adi said breezily. He strode out without a back ward glance.

Mace feel to his knees on the mosaic floor clutching at his bald head. No one ever listened to him, no one. He gave an anguished sigh and began to meditate. Friday was fast approaching.

*********************************************************************

The scream from the closed door made both Jedi jump.

Tahl and Bant glanced at each other nervously, not sure whether to just stay where they were sitting or to get up and help. Bant thought maybe she could be of some use. Her master grabbed her by the arm desperately before she even got out of her seat.

"Don't be foolish, padawan. You could be killed."

Bant stayed where she was, deciding that her master was right. They were waiting for Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan to finish getting ready for the dinner they were to be having with the Duke.

The restaurant the council was sending the four Jedi to had a strict dress code. Tahl was in a long, deep purple dress with a slit down the side of her right leg. Her padawan was wearing a simple silver dress that matched the colour of her sparkling eyes. Their two male counterparts were supposed to be in suits. To say that they weren't would be an understatement. Qui- Gon was still in the shower while Obi-Wan was only in his trousers, buzzing around aimlessly in total panic. The four had already missed their air taxi, what else could go wrong?

Obi-Wan started banging on the bathroom door. "Come on, master! You've been in there for hours!"

"I'm just washing the conditioner out of my hair, I won't be much longer.and it hasn't been hours," Qui-Gon shouted over the sound of the rushing water, emphasizing the s in hours.

"You've were washing conditioner out twenty minutes ago!"

Qui-Gon merely ignored him now. Obi-Wan made a face at the door. He started walking towards the kitchen. He placed his hand on the hot water tap.

"Master, you have five seconds before I blast you with cold water."

"You wouldn't!"

"Wouldn't I? Five."

"Obi-Wan, if you dare-"

"Four."

"I'll sell you to another master!"

"Three."

"Obi-Wan, be reasonable!"

"2."

"Padawan, PLEASE!"

"1."

With a quick, merciless turn, Obi-Wan jerked the hot tap on at the kitchen sink. Qui-Gon let out a hysterical scream that Tahl hadn't heard since she yanked his padawan braid out when they were fourteen. The now ice cold shower went off instantly.

"You will be severely punished for that, Obi-Wan!" Qui-Gon yelled.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and sat down in front of Tahl and Bant. He started putting his shoes on.

"Obi-Wan!" Qui-Gon's booming voice came from the bathroom. "For the last time, if you're going to use my shaver, CLEAN IT WHEN YOU'VE FINISHED!"

Obi-Wan stopped doing up his shoes and blushed bright red. But, as he should have known, his master wasn't going to stop there.

"I mean, what were you doing?! Shaving you legs?! This is disgust-"

"Master! Come on! I need to do my hair!" Obi-Wan shouted back, his face continuing to go red as he got two wicked smiles from Tahl and Bant.

A few vicious bangs were all that came from the bathroom.

"Master!" Obi-Wan cried. "Are you all right?!"

"Stupid hairdryer!" Qui-Gon yelled, followed by three other loud bangs as he bashed the thing against the bathroom sink. "You got it stuck on low power again!"

"I don't even use your stupid hairdryer!" Obi-Wan shot back indignantly.

Qui-Gon burst from the bathroom with a towel around his waist and one in his hair. He had a toothbrush hanging out the side of his bearded face. Bant was the one blushing this time. "That's no excuse."

Obi-Wan just shoved past him and locked himself in the bathroom. The sound of running water filled the air.

"THERE! I'm cleaning the shaver YOU NEVER USE!"

"Don't take that tone with me, young man!"

"Oh, help me! He called me young man! Now I'm in real trouble!"

Qui-Gon didn't even bother with a response. He merely rushed off to his room. He could find another time to argue with Obi-Wan.

"Hello, Qui-Gon," Tahl said to her old friend as he disappeared.

All she got was a short grunt in reply. Moments later Qui-Gon emerged from his room fully dressed in his black suit and tie, as well as.

"Oh, Qui-Gon, very sharp indeed. The fluffy pink towel on your head and the yellow toothbrush in your mouth really does complete the outfit," Tahl said, smiling devilishly at him.

Qui-Gon glanced at his friend, ready to shoot something equally as sarcastic back when his eyes fell on her. "Tahl, are you aware of what you're wearing?" He asked her rather quietly and clearly, considering he still had the toothbrush in his mouth.

"Adi picked it out for me. Why?"

I'll have to thank her later, Qui-Gon said to himself, blushing when he realized he'd just thought such a thing. "It's just you look...normal for once!" he quipped, ducking his red face even though her lovely eyes were sightless.

Before Tahl could strangle him, Obi-Wan burst out of the bathroom fully dressed, apart from his bow tie that just dangled loosely from his neck. He ran across to the kitchen, grabbed a mug and started heaping coffee into it at speeds none of them had ever seen before.

Qui-Gon frowned. "Pada-"

Obi-Wan gave up on the spoon and threw it over his shoulder. It wasn't fast enough. He poured the rest of the jar in. "Just getting some tea, master. Nice relaxing tea."

"That's not-"

Obi-Wan grabbed the sugar jar and tipped the whole of it's contents into his mug. Before Qui-Gon could say anymore, he poured some hot water onto it and gulped it down in one quick swig.

"Oh, no," Bant muttered. She seen Obi-Wan on coffee and sugar only once before. It hadn't been pretty.

"Okay, okay, okay!" Obi-Wan exclaimed in an unusually perky way. "Better brush my teeth and finish my hair!"

Obi-Wan scurried back to the bathroom, ripping Qui-Gon's toothbrush from his mouth and popping it into his own. Tahl and Bant felt their jaws hit the ground.

"Padawan!" Qui-Gon said disapprovingly.

Obi-Wan soon came back out. The toothbrush was out of sight and his hair was...

"So, what do you think? Like it?"

Bant raised her eyebrows. "Define 'like'."

Tahl felt that the atmosphere was not good. If Obi-Wan asked her, she could use her blindness as an excuse.

Qui-Gon on the other hand, well, he wasn't going to hold back. His sixteen-year-old padawan had formed his short, mildly spiky hair into big, triangle like spikes with hair gel that smelt like rotting eggs.

"Padawan, I'm going to say this once and I'm only saying this because I care about you. Get. Rid. Of. The. Spikes," Qui-Gon said dangerously. "Now."

"But I think they look cool."

Please tell me that's just the coffee speaking, Qui-Gon thought. He slowly approached his padawan, a small, deceiving smile on his face. "I did say I'd only warn you once."

Obi-Wan's eyes bulged. He recognized the crazed look in his master's piercing blue eyes. "Oh-uh," he said, going to run

He wasn't fast enough. Before he knew it, Qui-Gon had him in a headlock and was flattening his hair down violently.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Obi-Wan let lose a blood-curdling shriek, trying quite pathetically to escape his master's death grip.

"I'm only doing this for your own good, padawan.and the good of the Order's bank balance," Qui-Gon replied calmly.

He then straightened Obi-Wan up and did his bow tie. His padawan started bouncing on the spot. It seemed he'd forgotten about the hair already.

"Stop jiggling," he told his apprentice shortly.

"I can't," Obi-Wan replied, grinning stupidly.

Qui-Gon took hold of Obi-Wan's shoulders and looked deep within his eyes. "Stop."

Obi-Wan froze, the smile on his lips freezing with him. "Allllllrighty then!"

Qui-Gon gave his padawan a skeptical look and finished cleaning him up. "Ready?"

Obi-Wan glanced at the forgotten towel on his master's head and the silly grin grew. "Ready, readyreadyready. Readyreadyready!"

Qui-Gon then turned to Tahl and Bant. "So, when does the air taxi leave?"

"About ten minutes ago," Tahl replied.

"Oh."

"Oh indeed."

"Shall we get going?"

"Nice idea."

The four headed out of Qui-Gon's quarters quickly. Obi-Wan giggled childishly at Qui-Gon and ran ahead with Bant, his younger friend screaming at him to let go of her. A few swift hits to the head and Obi-Wan decided it might be in his best interests to put her down.

"I hope the coffee and sugar wears off before we get to the restaurant," Qui-Gon muttered to Tahl.

His old friend smiled her beautiful yet troublesome smile. "I don't think it's just the coffee that's making him laugh," she replied, plucking the pink towel from his head. Ratty, long and wet hair fell out over Qui-Gon's shoulders. He pursed his lips together in an attempt not to look embarrassed. Tahl laughed and gave him her hand.

"Let's hope the rest of the night goes this smoothly," she said, winking at him.

Qui-Gon only glanced at his padawan who was now stroking Bant's hair and saying sorry over and over again. Their chances weren't looking good.

"Mace is going to have a field day tomorrow."

"No, Qui-Gon, you worry too much!" Tahl muttered rolling her eyes. "Honestly it's only a bit of sugar." She gave a worried slide glance at Obi-Wan who had seized Bant's hands and was spinning her. "And the hair is fixable," she added, pulling out a bit of string.

Qui-Gon resisted the urge to knock on wood, and ducked as Tahl reached for his hair. "Hey, what are you doing?!"

"Fixing it! Do you want to look like a drowned rat at dinner? Hold still!"

"You're blind!" Qui-Gon screeched scrabbling away from his friend and knocking Obi-Wan over onto Bant. He ducked again as she made a grab for him sensing his movements through the force. "You don't even know how it looks!"

"Hold still!" she snarled in a tone that allowed no room for compromise. She caught him by the suit, tripping him.

"Obi-Wan come help your incapable master with his hair!"

"Don't touch it! Especially not you! Give me that!" Qui-Gon tried to wrestle the string away from Tahl but to no avail. She slammed her knee into his midsection, stunning him momentarily. Then she carelessly dropped it over him. It floated down to come to rest on his head.

"Fine, have it then." She said neutrally, beginning to walk off. Obi-Wan continued to spin with Bant, barely missing a deadly collision with a passing Jedi.

Qui-Gon regained his breath and tagged along after her, fixing his hair as he went. The four Jedi more or less made their way out of the Temple and onto the crowded streets of Coruscant.

*********************************************************************

Far from the dirty streets where the Jedi ran, in fact, in a whole other district, two men sat impatiently awaiting the four's arrival. The atmosphere was that of refinement and absolute elegance, red carpeted floors stretching a length of a beautiful dining room, the soft murmur of accented voices and the click of crystal. Elaborate paintings covered the walls adding to the overall expensive look. Only the absolute best was served here, and only the best was served to the best. For this was no ordinary restaurant, but Coruscant's pride, "The Alderaan Palace," named best posh-pick in "Monthly Coruscant" and the Supreme Chancellor's own personal favorite spot!

But the Chancellor was no where in sight on this particular evening. Only a few senators mingling over the stellar wine list in one corner, and then some large tables of a well-off private club. And two men, sitting off by themselves.

One, an elderly plump man with balding hair and a thick suit that however expensive, still made him look like a cloth-wrapped worm, checked his timepiece agitatedly. He had a rather mean face under the wrinkles, strict to others but obviously indulgent to himself. He was the type of man you would expect to see as a mysterious cigar-smoking president of some large company, rather than a well-off land owner. The other party was a short youthful man, resembling the other somewhat, but perhaps a younger slimmer version. His black hair was worn slicked away from his face, and he was rather muscular under the suit. He might have been handsome had his face not been screwed up into such a sour expression. He too glanced at his own watch and then back toward the hall entrance where the prim host stood. Seeing no one but a very hideous human dressed in a vomit-brown dress flirting with the host, he turned back to fix his beady eyes on the other man across the table, his father.

"They are late," he observed, sniffing airily.He might His father grunted in response, gazing over the wine list. He didn't bother to raise his eyes as the pouting voice spoke again. "I hate Jedi."

"Mmm-hm."

"Someday I shall be the greatest, even more so than the Jedi! I will embrace the darkness, and then...well, you'll all see! First I'll dispose of you, my worthless old father. Oh, I'll be so clever about it too! Poisoning you slowly until you breathe your last. Then I shall start my path to glory, glory and fame!"

"Hmm."

"And I'll make an empire, a grand empire of the Republic! And an army! An army, dear father!"

"Well what do you know about that..."

"And thousands of starships! Starships! An army of those too!"

"...they added that fruity Galan wine to the list!"

"You'll see! No, no, you won't because you'll be dead!"

"And B.B.Y. 58! A good year, if I recall!"

"And I'll be richer than all the rest."

At this point the other's attention was captured. "WHAT? Rich, huh, boy? Just keep your little dirty paws off of my money!" He watched his son warily a moment. The dark-haired youth glared back with unabashed hate. A moment passed.

"When are these Jedi quacks supposed to get here anyway?" he murmured, finally backing off before his father's face got any more purple.

The older man still looked peeved. "The possible heirs to my fortune should have been here a half hour ago."

"They aren't taking this seriously, Daddy! I bet they won't even come!"

"I'll contact their council. If they're not here in twenty minutes, I'm leaving, and taking my money with me. I think very highly of the jedi but I hate people being late," the Duke replied, his fat face wobbling in frustration. He gestured for one of the waiters and ordered a glass of the Galan wine. After contacting the jedi, he relaxed, sipping slowly on the sweet, red drink he had been served in a slender crystal glass. He did not notice the look of complete loathing his son was giving him.

He felt pain in his teeth, gritting them so tightly. His father's money belonged to him. It was his right by blood. How dare his father give his entire fortune to some pathetic jedi?! What an insult! He'd put up with his old man for one reason, and one reason only. Credits. Millions-no, BILLIONS-of credits. His father knew that. Maybe that's why he was planning to leave his money to the people his son despised most. Still, if things went bad, his father's empire would be his. The jedi were already late. His lips curled into a corrupt, sadistic smile. This was not going to be hard.

***

There'll be a new post of funnier...crazier jedi madness (that's putting in a nice light! wink ) within a few days! happy So watch out, and I hope everyone enjoyed the first chapter! grin

 

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Silence be thy shadow, and death be thy name.
"The following tale of alien encounters is true, and by true, I mean false." ~ Leonard Nimoy on the Simpsons
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Bekah_K 
Registered: Sep '02
7464_Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan
Date Posted: 11/23/03 8:52pm Subject: RE: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!) - Date Edited: 11/24/03 6:14am (1 edits total) Edited By: Bekah_K
LOL! laugh That was hilarious! Loved the caf/sugar high Obi!

I've read this somewhere before - did you post at ffn?

Can't wait for more! grin


~Bek

 

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See bio for other fics
grin Life Beyond the Code (Obi-Wan/Anakin) - http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/20820324/?6
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Bring Him Home (Obi-Wan) - http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/21107038/?3
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dianethx 
Registered: Mar '02
46246_TFN Turns "10"
Date Posted: 11/24/03 3:54am Subject: RE: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!)
This was cute. I always love an Obi-Wan who has a small problem with sugar - bouncing and generally causing trouble. And Qui-Gon with the wet hair...LOL.

Good job. Looking forward to more!

 

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Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 6/28/08
Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 8/16/08
Freeze frame - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b10476/27820434
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CrystalKenobi 
Registered: Jul '03
Date Posted: 11/24/03 5:35am Subject: RE: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!)
If you meant to have us rolling on the floor with laughter you have succeed. laugh

This is excellent. It was a good way to start my morning, except that I'm at work and they frown on rolling on the floor with laughter you know. grin


You might want to post a warning.

*Don't read at work, they frown on rolling on the floor with laughter.*

I love the twist where you have the girls waiting on the guys.

I also like how you have yoda and the wax and poor Mace.


 

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Dark Lady Min Kenobi (wife to Obi-Wan Kenobi)
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Xeana 
Registered: Nov '03
14361_Obi-Wan Kenobi
Date Posted: 11/24/03 5:42am Subject: RE: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!)

Oh no!! laugh laugh laugh


That was tottally funny!!!! laugh

 

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BecJedi 
Registered: Jul '03
14754_Mistryl Shadow Guard
Date Posted: 11/24/03 3:34pm Subject: RE: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!)
Thanks everyone! happy Every review is greatly appreciated.

Bekah_K: Yep, we posted on ff.net about a year ago...thought we'd revive it. happy

dianethx: It gets worse. Obi, lots of singing and...you'll see. wink

CrystalKenobi: Don't read while at work...you know, that could be a rather amusing fic. wink Thanks!

Xeana: Happy you liked it. We aim to please. grin

Charmisjess should post an update soon. happy

 

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Silence be thy shadow, and death be thy name.
"The following tale of alien encounters is true, and by true, I mean false." ~ Leonard Nimoy on the Simpsons
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Skywalker_Vader2be 
Registered: Jul '03
23586_Anakin Skywalker
Date Posted: 11/24/03 5:25pm Subject: RE: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!)
Hey BecJedi!

I read this months ago...really hilarious! Oh, and I love the part where Qui-Gon and...er...I shouldn't say it...would spoil the whole thing...I'll keep quiet now. For those of you who hadn't read this yet, brace yourself for a very funny moment!

BecJedi-Know what I meant by "Qui-Gon and..."? wink

 

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Fear leads to anger...
Anger leads to hate...
Hate...leads to suffering.
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Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl 
Registered: Jul '01
14535_Yuuzhan Vong<br>High Priestess
Date Posted: 11/24/03 8:51pm Subject: RE: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

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Lover of: Obiwan, Anakin, Quigon, Xani, Des, Ji, Shai, Adair, Hale, Lorcan, Enovan, Eitan,Tamir, Kyran, Garen, Briggs, Quinlan.
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Master of the evil beanie babies.
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Keeper_of_Swords 
Registered: Sep '03
6017_Qui-Gon Jinn
Date Posted: 11/24/03 9:01pm Subject: RE: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!)
hope you write more!

 

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The next day there came no dawn and the Grey Company passed on into the darkness of the storm of Mordor and were lost to mortal sight. But the Dead followed them.
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BecJedi 
Registered: Jul '03
14754_Mistryl Shadow Guard
Date Posted: 11/25/03 4:53pm Subject: RE: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!)
Hey, I'm happy everyone is enjoying it! grin Thank you so much for your reviews. happy Any feedback is welcome.

Oh, and Skywalker_Vader2be, I know exactly what you're talking about, buddy. wink

Charmisjess will post the next part tomorrow. happy

 

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Silence be thy shadow, and death be thy name.
"The following tale of alien encounters is true, and by true, I mean false." ~ Leonard Nimoy on the Simpsons
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Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl 
Registered: Jul '01
14535_Yuuzhan Vong<br>High Priestess
Date Posted: 11/25/03 11:21pm Subject: RE: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!)
I went on the other site and read the whole thing, your storys are very funny and well written please write more.

 

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Lover of: Obiwan, Anakin, Quigon, Xani, Des, Ji, Shai, Adair, Hale, Lorcan, Enovan, Eitan,Tamir, Kyran, Garen, Briggs, Quinlan.
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DarthIshtar 
Title: Former CR
Star Wars Trivia Hostess
 Registered: Mar '01
44373_Fan Films - Pink Five
Date Posted: 11/26/03 12:11am Subject: RE: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!)
I'm terrified and rather wanting more. This is awesome!

 

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Charmisjess 
Registered: Jul '03
14787_Coruscant
Date Posted: 11/26/03 7:58pm Subject: RE: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!) - Date Edited: 11/26/03 7:59pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Charmisjess
Tahl let out a great sigh, putting her comm back into her bag.

“What is it?” Qui-Gon asked.
HELLO FOLKS!
Charmisjess here, the co-writer of Check Please, bringing you an update, and the promise of crazier things to come! grin We hope you thoroughly enjoy this, and the next update should be sometime soon! Thanks to all the great reviewers! happy
Jenny: grin haha, well, then you know much more insanity is in store!
DarthIsh: It's a little frightening yes... lol. I can only say it gets worse... grin

Without further ado...here's your update! TA-DA!




~*~
“Just got a message from the council. The Duke is getting impatient. We have twenty minutes to get there,” she replied, her beautiful face grave.

Qui-Gon returned the look she gave him. They’d been walking from the temple, unable to find transport. “We can’t possibly reach the Alderaan Palace in that time.”

Bant tiptoed carefully over to the two concerned jedi. “Ah, masters–”

“We have to get there! You know what Mace will do to us if we don’t even turn up! He’s still bitter about that time we skipped class when we were ten, you know?”

Bant sighed. She was never good at this. She’d always been a very timid girl. “Masters, Obi-Wan has–”

“Yes, I know, I know! But Tahl, we don’t have any transport. And in your heels, sweetheart, you’re not gonna to run.”

Tahl gave him a very hard look. “Did you just call me ‘sweetheart’, Qui-Gon?”

“MASTERS!” Bant’s usually little voice bellowed. The two jumped in shock. They spun to face the little apprentice, frowning at her sudden scream. “Obi-Wan has run off to find a speeder.”

Qui-Gon’s head fell into his hands. “Oh, no. We’ll never see him again.” The jedi glanced up at Bant. “Is he still high?”

“Ah…let’s just say, the last time I saw him he was chasing some birds and yelling ‘come back, doggies’.”

Qui-Gon buried his head back into his hands. “Oh, no.”

“You know, I think something was in that coffee. I know Obi-Wan never drinks it, but this is insane.”

Tahl butted it. “Oh, he’s not that bad, Bant. I little silliness never hurt anyone.”

“HEY, LOOK AT ME! I’M SUPERJEDI! HEAR ME ROAR!”

“Then again…”

The three jedi glanced up at the sound of Obi-Wan’s booming voice. The young padawan came flying down in a white air taxi, swerving as he parked it just hovering above the ground. His hair was now blown back, attacked by the air at high speeds. His padawan braid was wrapped around his throat like a necklace. Whether this was accidental or not, they didn’t want to know.

“Get on board!” Obi-Wan said excitedly.

“*How* did you get this air taxi, Obi-Wan?” Qui-Gon suspiciously.

Obi-Wan smiled, looking at Qui-Gon with a blank look that told him he wasn’t going to get an answer. “Get on board!”

“But how did you–”

“Okay, okay! I borrowed it from a nice, happy, generous guy.”

“Are you–”

“So I plucked the taxi driver and some big shot senate dude out of the vehicle. I put them down safely!”

“What–”

“FINEEE! I threatened them with my lightsabre! And the senator wasn’t really a senator, more like a lady in labour.”

“Pada–”

“And dropped them off at some lower level of Coruscant! BIG deal! Like *you’ve* never done anything bad, have you my maverick master?!”

“OBI-WAN!”

“Shut up, Qui-Gon, and just get on board!” Tahl snapped, shoving the larger jedi into the transport. Bant jumped into the passenger seat beside Obi-Wan as the master’s shared the back seat.

“Wait, why are we letting Obi-Wan drive?”

Qui-Gon’s question was not answered. Obi-Wan ‘stepped on it’, zooming down the hectic air traffic lanes like a person possessed. He let out a great “YEAH, BABY!” as the sudden, violent rush of air pushed the other three back into the seats.

“Slow down, Obi-Wan! You’re messing up my hair!” Qui-Gon screamed over the sound of the howling wind. But Obi-Wan was paying no attention to his master. His eyes straight right ahead of him, his hands still shaking.

“YEAH! Yeah, yeahyeahyeahyeah! Yeah…speed…he, he, he…breakneck speed…SPEED, YEAH! GET OUT OF MY WAY, YOU PEASANT SITH SCUM! I’M A JEDI! I KICK BACK-SIDE!” Obi-Wan yelled. “I’M KING OF THE WORLD!!!!”

Qui-Gon yanked his padawan from the controls, using his other large hand to shove Bant into the pilot’s seat. “You’re not a jedi yet, mister, and after this, I doubt any of us will be.”

He shoved Obi-Wan into the passenger seat. The padawan turned around to face his master. Qui-Gon spoke before Obi-Wan could even open his mouth. “And this is not the Titanic, Obi-Wan. You are not the king of the world.”

Obi-Wan shoved Qui-Gon away. He rested his head on Bant’s shoulder. “Bant? Baaant? Baaaant? Baaaaant?” He drawled annoyingly.

“What, Obi-Wan?”

“Baaaaant? Baaaant?”

“WHAT?!”

“Is your dress pushing your boobs up like that or are you wearing some special–”

Bant took one hand off the controls and slapped her friend over the head.

“OW! Why did you hit me, Bant? Ow! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” Obi-Wan cried, cowering at the abuse even though Bant had only hit him once.

Bant glanced at the two masters’ for a little help. Qui-Gon was way ahead of her. He pulled his padawan back into his chair. “Still, Obi-Wan, BE STILL!”

Obi-Wan stopped moving and glanced up at Qui-Gon. He was silent for a moment, not uttering a word. Then he grinned. “Master, there’s a weasel on your face.”

Qui-Gon sighed. “Padawan, I’m really starting to worry about you.”

Obi-Wan suddenly jumped out of his seat, shaking the entire taxi, and embraced his master in a fierce bear hug, planting a kiss on the man’s face. “I worry about you too, master.”

Qui-Gon shoved his padawan away aggressively, wiping his face like Obi-Wan carried ‘The Kiss of Death’. Bant screamed as the transport jolted forward at Obi-Wan falling back against the dashboard, almost falling out of the flying craft.

“You EVER do that to me again and I’ll–”

Obi-Wan flipped back to his feet, standing on his chair in a most suicidal fashion. The transport shook once again. “And you, beautiful, lovely and most undeniably *sexy* Lady Tahl, I worry about you as well,” Obi-Wan cried dramatically, going to hug her too. Tahl backed as far into her seat as she could, terror on her face.

“Qui-Gon, your padawan lays one finger on me and you’re a dead man,” she warned the other master, never taking her eyes off Obi-Wan, even though she couldn’t see him.

An angry Bant suddenly brought the transport to a halt. Obi-Wan fell back, hitting the dashboard again. This time he sunk into his seat, groaning in pain. He’d hit his head this time. The hideous hair gel seemed to act as some kind of shield but Bant had broke very quickly. Tahl and Qui-Gon hit the two seats in front of them and then fell back against each other. Qui-Gon laughed nervously, looking down at his friend whom he now lay on top of.

“Comfortable, Qui-Gon, or shall I get you a pillow?” Tahl asked dryly.

Qui-Gon blushed a deep red and scrambled back up. Obi-Wan started to wail. Bant had no pity for him. The younger padawan started flying normally again.

“You deserved that, Obi-Wan,” she said to him, peering down on his moaning, curled up form.

The dazed apprentice glanced up at her, his head swaying from side to side. “Oh, don’t be angry at me, Bant. I think you’re sexy too.”

Tahl placed her hands on her padawan’s shoulders. “Just keep driving. Don’t hit him, don’t hit him, don’t hit–”

WHACK!

“Padawan, I told you not to hit him!”

“Sorry, master, moment of weakness.”

“Hmm…understandable.” Tahl glanced at Obi-Wan. The padawan winced, pain blurring his vision. But that stupid grin never left his face.

“Qui-Gon thinks you’re sexy too, Master Tahl,” Obi-Wan said, giving her a purr.

At that, Qui-Gon lost it. He placed his hand on his padawan’s shoulder and used the force to knock him out. The sugar and caffeine high jedi slumped against his chair, his tongue hanging out in a most undignified fashion. There was a sweet silence for a moment. Bant pointed to a building up ahead.

“Look, there’s the Alderaan Palace!” She said, letting out a relieved sigh. Tahl gave her padawan a smile and settled back down in her seat beside Qui-Gon. Her friend looked rather frazzled.

“Do you think they’re going to kick us out of the Order this time?” He asked her, staring blankly at his padawan.

“Hmm, maybe you, but not me,” Tahl replied, smiling at him.

Bant parked the air taxi quickly, just as Obi-Wan woke up. They all jumped out of the air taxi simultaneously, rushing towards the restaurant. At last, they were there!


The Duke was very surprised when the four jedi walked in, unsure of what to think. The two adults seemed out of breath, like they’d been flying all around town. There clothes although tasteful were wrinkled and had greasy-black smears on them. They had weak, fake smiles on their attractive faces, too tired to try and make them look real. As for the little ones–what were they called? Pada-learners? –the young girl seemed on the end of her last nerve. The boy, on the other hand, was as right as rain, smiling and being far too cheerful for a jedi. When shaking the Duke’s hand, he shook it firmly until his master, a Qui-Gon Jinn, pried his fingers off the Duke, laughing nervously and muttering, “kids these days.”

A rather pompous looking waiter came to take their order

“And what will you be having, sir?”

Obi-Wan put on the best ‘posh snob’ look he could make, stoking his chin as if he was thinking and putting on a very thick, posh accent. “Well, my old bean, I’ll have the pepper steak, medium rare, hold the steak.”

“Ah…”

“And if I could also have that without pepper, that would be maaaaaarvelous.”


The waiter just stared at the young Jedi utter incomprehension written on every line of his narrow features. “A-a…what?”

“He would like to see a children’s menu!” Qui-Gon supplied for his apprentice. He whipped around, seizing the boy by his braid and speaking in what he guessed was a whisper. In reality it was more of a low shout. “YOU HAVE TO THE COUNT OF…”

“Loosen up the necktie, Qui me man!” the Padawan grinned broadly, attempting to hi-five his Master but ending up some how whacking over the Dukes drink, which was half-way across the table.

Qui-Gon started twitching but Tahl, sensing the danger in her normally calm friend, quickly stepped in. She spoke to the irate master in soothing tones, stroking his arm whist the waiter cleaned up the Galan wine. Across the table, the Duke looked frankly bewildered.

A second server appeared asking what Bant would have. The girl’s features were flushed pink as she requested a house salad and juice. There was calm for a few moments as the rest of the table ordered. Then the Duke spoke up finally.

“Well…how was your journey here? This Coruscant traffic!” He chuckled nervously, wondering if the Jedi would even bother explaining their tardiness at this point.

Tahl’s instinctive Jedi diplomacy kicked in though, and she gave him the most dazzling smile she could muster. “We had a-a slight problem with our transport. I apologize for any…”

“We had to hijack a….” Obi-Wan’s words were stifled by Qui-Gon’s hand.

“Quite alright.” The Duke winked at Tahl, earning a disapproving stare from the brooding Jedi Master across from him. “So…why don’t you tell me a little bit about your fine order?” he smiled at Qui-Gon who just stared rudely back.

Tahl sighed and surmised that she didn’t want to know. “Well we’ve existed for a little longer than a millennium…”

“We all KNOW the history of the Jedi, honestly what do you really do in those big tall towers? Hmm?” The son snapped at her.

“Alexander!” the duke snapped. Alexander just mouthed ‘bite me’ at his father.

Tahl’s smiled was forced now. “That’s a very good question Alexander, the towers are used for our High Council meetings and…”

“Politics! Don’t care!” the rude lad waved his hand at the Jedi Lady. “What about lightsabers? Huh? Can’t say those are for peace and justice, huh?”

“We have lightsabers for our own protection and for the protection of others and the furthering of peace, but our code forbids…”

“POLITICS!”

“Alexander!”

“Maybe you didn’t hear me, Jedi, I don’t care about your politics!”

“If you don’t care why did you just ask me!?”

“OBI-WAN! PUT THAT FIRE OUT THIS INSTANT!” Qui-Gon lunged forward catching the napkin Obi-Wan had been burning in the candle. He extinguished it in the duke’s wine as his own hadn’t come yet. Bant signaled the server.

“look Obi-Wan, if you can’t behave go sit out in the speeder!” Qui-Gon snapped.

Obi-Wan’s face fell. “Master, please don’t make meeeeeee! Pleeeease let me stttttttaaaaaaay!” he fell out of his chair squirming towards Qui-Gon’s boots. “another chance! I’ll be good!” he moaned.

Qui-Gon gave a soft sigh. Obi-Wan knew he had him. “Please, Master? My place is by your side…”

“Stay then but if you try any thing…”

“I’ll be very good.” Obi-Wan nodded, trying his hardest to look solemn.

Tahl nudged her friends shoulder. “I’m remembering that the next time I need something from you. ‘My place is by your side!’” she laughed. “you big nerf herder.”

The Duke glanced down at his smoldering drink and sighed sadly. This wasn’t turning out as he had planned. But just then the others drinks came so his attention was drawn over to the Jedi lady’s hard liquor.

Qui-Gon also gave Tahl a strange look. “What have you got there?”

“I’m going to need it.” She murmured into his ear. Qui-Gon sighed.

“So tell me about the force!” the Duke tried again, another bright smile on his rather round face. “yes, the force! What exactly is this mysterious…force?”

Qui-Gon stared at Tahl expectantly. She sipped her alcohol. “Qui-Gon, your turn.”

The Jedi stared blankly at the duke’s face, searching for inspiration in the folds of flesh. “The Force? What…do you want to know about it?” he asked.

“well, what exactly IS the Force, Qui-Gon?”

Qui-Gon launched into the dialog like a droid. “…The force is what gives a Jedi his power. It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.”

“THOSE ARE MY LINES!” Obi-Wan bellowed at his master indignantly.

Qui-Gon’s eyes widened. “Not for at least 50-some years! I can use them if I want!”

Tahl shook her head. “That is sort of low Qui-Gon Jinn. I never thought of you as a quote-snatcher. And from the trilogy, for shame! ”

Both the Duke and his son were staring at the Jedi. Qui-Gon broke out into a sweat. “well…ok then, um, there’s the…Living Force and then…”

He lost it. “THE FORCE IS LIKE DUCT TAPE!” he couldn’t contain himself any longer. “It has a light side, a dark side and it holds the galaxy together!” He leaned back, smiling at his own pun. Everyone was staring. He dropped his head onto his arm and began to laugh insanely.

Tahl’s jaw dropped. “Qui-Gon? Qui-Gon? Are you all right?” she shook his arm, but he continued to laugh.

The Duke stared dumbstruck at the hysterical Jedi. “What is duct tape?”


~What is duct tape? Will Qui-Gon be able to smooth talk his way out of this one? Or has the Jedi Master finally snapped? Find out in the next exciting chapter!~

 

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Strange Little Girls-> http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/24496675/p1/?0
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CrystalKenobi 
Registered: Jul '03
Date Posted: 11/27/03 6:26pm Subject: RE: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!) UPDATED 11/27
Duct tape. Love it. Poor Obiwan telling Tahl all of QG's secrets about liking her.
Poor Bant, I bet she did not know that Obiwan liked her. grin

I have to remember this speeder scene the next time I watch ATOC's speeder scene when Obiwan tells Anakin that what he is doing is sucide.

This whole post was funny. Loved it

 

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Dark Lady Min Kenobi (wife to Obi-Wan Kenobi)
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Skywalker_Vader2be 
Registered: Jul '03
23586_Anakin Skywalker
Date Posted: 11/27/03 6:27pm Subject: RE: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!) UPDATED 11/27
Okay, I seriously had to hold on to my chair when I was reading this. Haven't read it in awhile. Brings back funny moments... grin

 

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Fear leads to anger...
Anger leads to hate...
Hate...leads to suffering.
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dianethx 
Registered: Mar '02
46246_TFN Turns "10"
Date Posted: 11/27/03 6:49pm Subject: RE: Check, Please! (JA, humour Qui, Obi, Tahl, Bant...and a lot of madness!) UPDATED 11/27
This was funny. Poor Qui-Gon has finally lost it! Duct tape! And Obi-Wan must have learned to hate flying during this time!!!

Very good!

 

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Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 6/28/08
Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 8/16/08
Freeze frame - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b10476/27820434
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