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Author	Topic: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover (Qui-Gon)) -- Completed 31 January! --
Drabbo_Fett Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 11/3/04 3:55pm Subject: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover (Qui-Gon)) -- Completed 31 January! -- - Date Edited: 1/31/05 10:12am (3 edits total) Edited By: Drabbo_Fett
	The holo, years old now, showed a skinny youth standing next to a bearded man, both of them smiling broadly. It was a happy scene, but all it generated now was hatred. "Vallowing?" the figure in the doorway asked. The teen, no longer as joyful or as skinny as he had been, sat up straight. "No sir, I was just, umm..." "Looking back at vhat you vonce vere." "No!" the young man yelled. "This wasn't me. It was someone who no longer exists. Obi-Wan is dead; now there is only Darth Stalker!" He threw the holo at the trash slot in the far wall. It missed by almost a foot and bounced back, hitting the man in the doorway right between the eyes. "Oops," Stalker said, "sorry about that." * * * * The SITH Shall Rise Again * * * * Qui-Gon let his Starblast Nexu drop rapidly through the layers of cloud, then slowed as he neared his objective. He saw the small unmarked door with the crumbling bit of ledge and slid the speeder down and alongside, finally stopping. He stood up and turned to face the door, only to see that it was ten feet above his head. Sitting back down, he activated the Nexu's repulsors and lifted it. He started to get out again, and this time saw that he was ten feet above the doorway. Rolling his eyes, he tried again. Three or four attempts later, the speeder was even with the ledge, and Qui-Gon got out and walked to the door. He started to enter the passcode, then stopped and looked back at the Nexu. "Of course!" he said, slapping his head as he realized that the expensive red speeder would be a tempting target for the neighborhood's many thieves and criminals. He went back to it and tucked the "No Radio" sign under the windscreen. "Ah, much better." That done, he finished entering the code and went inside. He walked along the unadorned corridor without pausing; every few yards, another set of blast doors slammed closed behind him. At the end of the hallway, he entered a turbolift and gave a new code. The lift doors closed, and he was carried up. After an hour or so, the lift stopped, and Qui-Gon emerged into a small gray room, empty except for a snoring droid. He started to walk past it when its eyes opened. "Oh," it droned, "it's you. You could have come to the Temple the normal way, you know." "Oh really?" Qui-Gon asked. "What do you know about it?" "I know you wouldn't have been late for your meeting if you had," the droid said. "Late? I'm not late, I'm right on..." Qui-Gon ran from the room. A few flights of stairs later, he stood in front of his boss, who was busy poring over the paperwork that littered his desk. Qui-Gon waited patiently for him to finish, using the chance to check his hair in the reflection off the Jedi Councilor's head. "Would you stop that?" "Stop what, Chief?" Qui-Gon asked, standing to attention. Mace Windu looked up, his eyes boring into Qui-Gon's. "Calling me 'Chief' for starters, Smart. I called you here because we have a problem." "What kind of a problem, Ch... Master Windu?" Mace lowered the lights and activated the desk's holographic projector. The room filled with a glowing map of the galaxy. "Ah," Qui-Gon said, "of course! I see what the problem is!" "You do?" Qui-Gon nodded and raised a single finger. "Yes!" He walked over to an empty area of the room. "There are no stars in this region of space, but something's pulling on the neighboring systems." "Oh, that's just because the map's low on memory," Mace explained. "A lot of systems aren't loading right." After a long pause, he continued, "The actual problem is on this planet here, Chimpan 3." "Chimpan 3?" Qui-Gon asked. Mace rolled his eyes. "Yes, Chimpan 3. There's been some civil unrest there, and..." "Civil unrest?" "Yes, civil unrest," Mace repeated. "Anyway, we have reason to believe SITH are involved." Qui-Gon opened his mouth, but Mace stopped him. "If you repeat 'SITH' I will have you reassigned to the AgriCorps Fertilizer Division." "The AgriCorps Fertilizer Division?" Mace drew on the Force to maintain his composure. "We've already sent six Jedi to investigate, but none have returned." "And now you need me to rescue them?" Qui-Gon asked. "No, we're pretty sure they're dead," Mace said. "That's why we're sending you in." Qui-Gon's left eyebrow rose. "Because I'm the best Jedi agent you have?" "Yes, unfortunately, that's now true," Mace confirmed, sighing. "I'll take it!" Qui-Gon said. "I won't let you down, Chief! Sorry." "You do realize that you'll be battling implacable enemies and facing almost certain doom?" Qui-Gon nodded heartily. "And loving it!" "Yes," Mace said, "quite. But the Council have decided you must have help." "Oh no! Qui-Gon Smart works alone!" Mace came around his desk to put his hand on Qui-Gon's shoulder. "I know you've had trouble with your previous padawans...." "They left me to join SITH!" Qui-Gon shouted. Mace nodded. "Yes, I..." "All eight of them!" "I agree," Mace said. "Unfortunately for both of us, she's waiting outside the door." The door opened, and a young Sullustan female entered the room. "Qui-Gon Smart," Mace said, "this is Nien Dinienb." "Hi," she said, smiling and holding out a hand. Qui-Gon just looked imploringly at Mace. * * * * The Nautolan in the black coat adjusted his macrobinoculars to zoom in on the two Jedi who were walking across the shuttlepad. "Finally," he drawled. Putting the binoculars down, he activated his comm. "He's on his way." "At last!" the voice on the other end said. "I vass vondering how many Jedi ve vould have to kill to get him to come!" "You want me to follow him?" "No, remain zere," the voice commanded. "Ve don't vant Schmart to suspect zat ziss iss all a trap. Not until it iss far too late, anyway!" Both the Nautolan and the voice laughed long and heartily. "Okay, zat's enough of zat." The Nautolan shut up. "Yes, sir." -----signature----- Drabbo's Challenges: http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=18433066 Author of... Fett's Drabbles: http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/12078387 ...and more!
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Drabbo_Fett Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 11/3/04 4:01pm Subject: RE: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover)
	Title: The SITH Shall Rise Again Author: Drabbo Fett Timeframe: pre-TPM Characters: Qui-Gon Smart Genre: AU, Crossover, Parody Keywords: AU, Crossover ("Get Smart") Summary: Jedi agent Qui-Gon Smart gets a new padawan for a new mission that could bring him face-to-face with some old ones. Notes: This was begun for the Obi-Wan challenge thread, but I'll be posting the full three-act story here. -----signature----- Drabbo's Challenges: http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=18433066 Author of... Fett's Drabbles: http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/12078387 ...and more!
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 11/4/04 3:45am Subject: RE: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover (Qui-Gon))
	I love Get Smart. And I love that Qui-Gon lost all those apprentices to the Sith. Seems to me that the Jedi shouldn't let him take another one! His track record isn't good... LOL. Looking forward to seeing your next post. -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 9/22/08 Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 8/16/08 Freeze frame - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b10476/27820434 Master to jedidas3 Impeach Bush!
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Healer_Leona Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 11/4/04 4:30am Subject: RE: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover (Qui-Gon))
	Ah, very interesting. I'll admit to being a bit confused by the first post, but on seeing parody it falls into place. -----signature----- Still crazy after all these years.
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Drabbo_Fett Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 11/16/04 4:14pm Subject: RE: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover (Qui-Gon)) -- Updated: 16 November! --
	Qui-Gon liked the pilot's seat in the Jedi shuttle; it was so comfortable, he could sleep easily in it. He didn't even notice as his body started to slide out of the chair until his head smacked against the edge of the instrument panel, waking him instantly. His powerful mind instantly recognized that sprawled on the floor was not the proper position for him to be in, and he took immediate action. With almost superhuman levels of grace and dignity -- which still didn't amount to much -- he stood up and climbed back into the seat. And this time, he fastened the safety harness. He glanced over at his co-pilot; Nien Dinienb was staring at him and suppressing a giggle. "I meant to do that," he stammered. She smiled and leaned on the arm of her seat. "Of course, master," she breathed. After a moment, Qui-Gon's eyes widened. "I know what you're thinking, and stop it right now!" Dinienb smiled innocently. "Stop what?" "You're infatuated with me," Qui-Gon said. "It's understandable, of course, but nothing can ever come of it. It'd violate the TOS!" "The TOS?" "The Terms of Smart!" he told her. "'Never date your padawan.' I decided on that rule back with my first padawan, and I've never broken it!" "But your earlier padawans have all been male," Dinienb said. "Yes, well." He hit a few random buttons on the console. "Nien, eh?" he asked. "Pardon me?" "The Niens are one of the grandest families on Sullust," Qui-Gon said. Dinienb shrugged. "In fact," Qui-Gon added, "a few years back, I once met a Nunb while working on a case." "That'd be my uncle," the padawan said. The news impressed Qui-Gon. "Really?" "Well, probably. It's kind of a common name in my family; I have two Uncle Nunbs, plus five cousins, a nephew, and a younger brother. Oh, and an aunt, but that's a long story." While Qui-Gon was formulating his response, the ship came out of hyperspace. Chimpan 3, a world covered with thick rain forest, floated in front of them. * * * * "Master?" Dinienb asked. "Yes?" "I have a bad feeling about this." The two Jedi stood at the edge of the elevated landing platform that hovered over undeveloped jungle; surprisingly, they had yet to see another living soul. "Oh, there's nothing to worry about," Qui-Gon said. "No one's tried to kill us yet, have they?" "Maybe," she admitted reluctantly, "but it did sound like the control tower voice was giggling rather a lot." Qui-Gon waved the concern away. "You're going to have to get used to that if you're going to be my padawan." He folded his arms and thought a moment. "If you're really worried, you may remain with the ship," he offered. A second later, the craft exploded, and shrapnel flew past the Jedi. As the fireball died away, leaving only a burning hulk, Qui-Gon shrugged. "Though I wouldn't recommend it." * * * * Darth Stalker wanted to scream, but settled for a shout. "You missed!" "Vhy," his master asked, "vould ve bring Schmart all ze vay here if ve vere just going to kill him ze moment his head comes into view?" "Then..." "For vhat he's done to us, he must suffer!" the older SITH said, showering Stalker with saliva. * * * * "I don't know how much more of this I can suffer!" Qui-Gon moaned as he swatted at another of the myriad flies buzzing around his head. Dinienb admired his restraint; she was relying on a gentle force push to keep them at bay. Maybe when she became a full-fledged Jedi agent, she'd have the courage to resist such dependence. "Ow!" he screamed again. "Oh, master," Dinienb said. A noise ahead of them attracted her attention, and she stopped to listen more carefully. "Do you hear that?" "Is it a buzzing?" "No," she said, "it's more of a crashing sound, with a bit of thumping and banging thrown... wahey!" Qui-Gon had grabbed her hand and was now pulling her through the jungle, in a line perpendicular to their original path. They leaped over fallen trees and squeezed through the foliage, their feet barely touching the ground. The crashing grew louder; whatever was causing it was definitely chasing them. Suddenly, Qui-Gon let go of her hand. "Keep going," he shouted, "and don't stop for anything!" She obeyed without question, barely pausing even when she glanced back to see Qui-Gon step back into the trees. She kept running even when the crashing noises stopped moments later. She raced through the trees right up until the time she smacked into the man in the black robes. Her momentum abruptly interrupted, she fell back, landing on her rear end. She looked up at his black, stringy hair, his pale skin, the scar running along his cheek; though she'd never met him, she recognized the description. "Xanatos," she hissed. "Vell, my dear, fancy meeting you all ze vay out here." -----signature----- Drabbo's Challenges: http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=18433066 Author of... Fett's Drabbles: http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/12078387 ...and more!
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 11/16/04 6:15pm Subject: RE: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover (Qui-Gon)) -- Updated: 16 November! --
	So Xan has a lisp....LOL and I loved that Qui thought she was hitting on him. "The Terms of Smart!" he told her. "'Never date your padawan.' I decided on that rule back with my first padawan, and I've never broken it!" "But your earlier padawans have all been male," Dinienb said. Very funny! -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 9/22/08 Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 8/16/08 Freeze frame - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b10476/27820434 Master to jedidas3 Impeach Bush!
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Drabbo_Fett Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 11/16/04 8:30pm Subject: RE: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover (Qui-Gon)) -- Updated: 16 November! --
	Cheers. It's not a lisp, but a broad, vaguely German accent; anyone who was a fan of Get Smart can probably guess where that's going... [I'd thought about putting the full reveal at the end there, but the second part needs to be done with Obi-Wan -- excuse me, Darth Stalker -- and Smart present.] -----signature----- Drabbo's Challenges: http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=18433066 Author of... Fett's Drabbles: http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/12078387 ...and more!
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VaderLVR64 Title: Fan Fic Manager in Combat Boots Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 11/16/04 8:34pm Subject: RE: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover (Qui-Gon)) -- Updated: 16 November! --
	I just found this! It is HILARIOUS! Loved it! -----signature----- If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories. Proud New Army Mom - off to bootcamp!
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Drabbo_Fett Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 11/17/04 8:24pm Subject: RE: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover (Qui-Gon)) -- Updated: 16 November! -- - Date Edited: 11/17/04 8:29pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Drabbo_Fett
	Thanks. EDIT: HL, sorry I didn't get back to your post sooner. The basic conceit of the story is that Qui-Gon has been recast with Maxwell Smart. -----signature----- Drabbo's Challenges: http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=18433066 Author of... Fett's Drabbles: http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/12078387 ...and more!
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Drabbo_Fett Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 12/2/04 6:28pm Subject: RE: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover (Qui-Gon)) -- Updated: 16 November! --
	I just wanted to jump in to thank those who've nominated me for the Best Crossover Award! I feel so honored, and a bit surprised. -----signature----- Drabbo's Challenges: http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=18433066 Author of... Fett's Drabbles: http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/12078387 ...and more!
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PadawanKitara Registered: Dec '01	Date Posted: 12/2/04 11:15pm Subject: RE: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover (Qui-Gon)) -- Updated: 16 November! --
	I remember this one. I'm glad to see you are continuing the insanity! -----signature----- Courtier of the Royal Order of Shambling Dufi We are Dufi...Resistance is Futile! UCLA BRUINS
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Drabbo_Fett Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 1/31/05 10:13am Subject: RE: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover (Qui-Gon)) -- Completed 31 January! --
	Qui-Gon could see trees being shoved aside by something with large and pink. He waited a moment, making sure it was still coming straight for him. Then he leaped to the side and watched as the creature passed right by him. It was almost ten feet tall, running on powerful hind legs while its forelimbs knocked obstacles out of its way. It was covered with a wrinkly, pink hide, punctuated by a few tufts of hair. Its body was a single muscular mass; no neck separated head from torso. Once the beast had disappeared into the jungle, Qui-Gon stepped out into the open and looked at the trail its devastation had left. "Well," he said as he started walking back along the path. He hadn't gone far, though, when the back of his neck started to feel warm. He stopped and turned around. The creature stood inches away, its body shaking as it breathed heavily, exhaling right into Qui-Gon's face. The Jedi's eyes watered, and he reeled from the overwhelming odor. "Eeewwwww." * * * * Dinienb struggled against the electrified shackles that held her wrists and ankles to the wall. "You'll never get away with this!" "Really?" her captor taunted. "And who do you zink vill schtop me?" "Qui-Gon," she answered with utter confidence. Xanatos just laughed. "Even now," Dinienb said, "he's on his way here to..." "And so I should hope! I've gone to a lot of effort to get him here, and it vould be a shame if he missed all ziss." On cue, a buzzer began playing "How Much Is That Banthie in the Window?" Xanatos shook his head. "I did not pick zat," he insisted. "It came vith ze house." He turned on a monitor, and Dinienb could see an image the top of Qui-Gon's head. Xanatos activated a comm. "Can I help you?" Qui-Gon looked up into the camera and grinned. "Umm, yes, ah, I was just driving past, and my airspeeder got a flat. I was wondering if I could use your phone." Xanatos muted the comm and looked back at Dinienb. "Ziss is your great hero?" Turning the sound back on, he said, "I find zat very hard to believe." "Okay," Qui-Gon tried, "would you believe I just moved in next door and need to borrow a cup of muja berries?" "No, I vould not," Xanatos said. "How about I'm a Jedi agent, and you're surrounded?" "On ze contrary, Qui-Gon Schmart, I zink it is you who iss surrounded!" On the screen, a lightsaber came up under Qui-Gon's chin. "Ah." * * * * Two men in SITH robes shoved Qui-Gon into the room. Darth Stalker followed, carrying his former master's lightsaber. "Xanatos!" the Jedi gasped. "I should have known." "Yes, you should," the villain said. "However, you are wrong about vone zing. I no longer go by ze name Xanatos! I am now Darth Siegfried! And you have already met my apprentice, Darth Schtalker!" "It's Darth Stalker," the youth said, rolling his eyes. "Zat iss vhat I said! Never mind. Lock Schmart up next to ze girl." The two henchmen shackled Qui-Gon to the wall beside Dinienb. "Have they treated you well?" he asked. "Yes, but I am glad you're here." She smiled at him. "As am I," Darth Siegfried said. "Now ze fun can really begin. You know, I vass beginning to vonder if Vindu vas going to go zrough every other Jedi in ze Order before sending you." "What happened to the other Jedi?" Dinienb asked. "Oh, zey're dead." A large window irised open on the far wall, and the SITH agent pointed out to the jungle beyond. "Your precious Jedi Order iss so schtupid, zey sent all zose agents out to schtop civil unrest on a planet vitout any intelligent lifeforms!" "Aha!" Qui-Gon shouted. "It would appear that I wasn't the only one wrong about vone zing -- I mean one thing! You have made a fatal miscalculation." "No he didn't!" Darth Stalker yelled. Darth Siegfried put his hand on the youth's shoulder. "Now, now, let us humor him a moment. Vhat error have I made?" Everyone turned to look at Qui-Gon. "The Tlumps," he said. "The vhat?" "You know, pink, about so tall," Qui-Gon explained, trying to wiggle his hand in it shackle. When it wouldn't move, he added, "Bad breath?" "Zose?" the villain laughed. "Zey are just dumb animals. Ve have been training zem to be guard beasts. Ve even sent vone out into ze jungle to chase you into our trap." "Yes, and he and I had a nice long conversation about that, didn't we?" Qui-Gon looked to the door, and everyone else's eyes followed. The creature stood there, leaning on the doorframe. "That's right." As he spoke, he leaned close to the two SITH henchmen, who passed out from the stench. Darth Stalker activated his lightsaber and took up a combat stance in front of the Tlump. Before he could attack though, his master grabbed him by the cloak and leaped through the window. Within moments, the two SITH were out of view. "They're getting away!" Dinienb complained. "Oh, they can't get far," Qui-Gon said as the Tlump deactivated his shackles. "We disabled their ship earlier. They're stuck here until we go to get them!" "But, master..." "Yes?" Qui-Gon asked. "How do we get off this planet?" she asked. Qui-Gon raised one finger in the air, ready to dazzle her with his answer, then quietly lowered his head and let the finger droop. * * * * "Great work, you two," Mace said. "With Darths Siegfried and Stalker now in custody..." "Sir," Dinienb interrupted, "we never actually found them." "Oh. Well, then, with peaceful contact established with..." "They blew up the spaceport," Dinienb said. "And issued a ban on offworlders," Qui-Gon added. Mace winced. "So what did you two accomplish on this mission?" The two agents looked at each other a moment. "We didn't die," they answered in unison. "In any case, the Council have chosen to make Nien Dinienb's status as your padawan official. Congratulations." He shook the young Sullustan's hand. Dinienb beamed and looked up at Qui-Gon. "Just promise me one thing," he said. "What?" she asked. "That you'll never leave me to join SITH." Dinienb saluted him and said, "Whatever you say, Chief!" Qui-Gon grimaced, while Mace burst out laughing. "What?" -----signature----- Drabbo's Challenges: http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=18433066 Author of... Fett's Drabbles: http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/12078387 ...and more!
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Drabbo_Fett Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 1/31/05 10:16am Subject: RE: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover (Qui-Gon)) -- Completed 31 January! -- - Date Edited: 1/31/05 10:18am (2 edits total) Edited By: Drabbo_Fett
	And, oh yeah, a big thank you to everyone who's read this story, especially those of you who voted it the... Readers' Choice Crossover! -----signature----- Drabbo's Challenges: http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=18433066 Author of... Fett's Drabbles: http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/12078387 ...and more!
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Jedikma Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 2/1/05 12:02pm Subject: RE: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover (Qui-Gon)) -- Completed 31 January! --
	Very funny, Drabbo!!!! I enjoyed that. -----signature----- Twice in a Lifetime 7/31 http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/16813029 A Quiet Afternoon http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/23305946 follow up vig to: A New Order http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/17525231
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Drabbo_Fett Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 2/1/05 6:09pm Subject: RE: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover (Qui-Gon)) -- Completed 31 January! --
	Cheers, KMA! -----signature----- Drabbo's Challenges: http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=18433066 Author of... Fett's Drabbles: http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/12078387 ...and more!
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Shaindl Registered: Jun '02	Date Posted: 2/1/05 6:14pm Subject: RE: The SITH Shall Rise Again (AU crossover (Qui-Gon)) -- Completed 31 January! --
	Sorry, Drabbo, thought I'd replied! Great job - only you could have married SW with Get Smart. Not sure if that's a compliment or not. It is, actually. Wonderful work. Shaindl -----signature----- Halfway Moment - Qui, Obi, Anakin AU - http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/20110461/?0 - UPDATED JULY 3!
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