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Topic:
What She Saw: "No way... Shiny awards for ME?!"
raisedbywolves
Registered:
Jul '05
Date Posted:
10/10/05 4:13am
Subject:
What She Saw: "No way... Shiny awards for ME?!"
-
Date Edited:
4/25/06 1:13pm
(7 edits total)
Edited By:
raisedbywolves
Well, this turned out super weird, but I'm posting it anyway.
Neon Star
dared me:
Write a story without Qui-gon in it. He cannot even be mentioned, unless in a very negative sense. Xanatos must be mentioned. If you don't know who Xanatos is, you don't need to add him.
The story must have one OC, in a major role. Obi-wan must be present to whine about something to said OC, though, that does not have to be the point of the story.
This story must be either humorous or horribly angsty, your choice.
Hair, leashes, finger tips, and blood, must be mentioned.
..........
Title: What She Saw
Author: Me
Time Frame: Post-JA, Obi-Wan is probably around 19.
Genre: Challenge, "horribly angsty", generally odd
Summary: Bartenders are witnesses to many conversations.
Disclaimer: None of these characters, except for she of the intentionally unpronouncable name, belong to me. I just like to play with them. And I would like to offer a general apology to all Obi-lovers, I honestly have no decent excuse for... well, you'll see.
EDIT
: Haha, it's not actually late! YAY!
..........
Oh, um, good evening to you too, Officer.
Yes, I suppose I could answer a few questions. But could we keep this quick? I got kids at home. Yeah, six, actually. Oldest one’s sixteen, but you know how it is, none of ‘em can get to sleep without seeing Mama home safe, and I don’t exactly got the money for a comlink to call and tell what’s going on.
Name? Well, um, let me just spell it for you, okay? That’s normally a lot easier. First name: Möirilh, that’s M, O with an umlaut – yeah, two dots up top – I, R, I, L, H. Last name: Kmtschtk. K, M, T, S, C, H, T, K.
Oh, Officer, you’re a funny man.
Can I buy a vowel?
You know, I’ve never actually heard that one before, that’s great.
Uh-uh, not a citizen, not yet. I’m from Nsmirtük, way on the edge of the Outer Rim. Maybe you’ve heard of it – they had a big benefit concert here a couple of years ago, to support aid efforts. Couldn’t tell you if it helped a whole lot, though. Kinda hard to aid people who’ve been busy slaughtering their neighbors for the past fifty years, longest-running civil war in the galaxy, what a record, huh?
Of course, I always keep my work permit on me, can’t be too careful, there you are, Officer. I’ve been on planet for two years.
Thirty-two years old.
Human. Well, mostly. It says “full-blooded” on my passport, because, well, let me put it this way. Back home the natives kill the humans and the humans kill the natives, but who they both hate more than anyone, that’s us halfbreeds. Been meaning to get that passport changed, though. Get my kids’ ones changed too. It’s just… You constantly have to remind yourself there’s nothing more to hide from, you know?
Jedi? Funny you should ask that, I seen plenty of ‘em, all the time. I just got off work, I tend bar at this little dive right up close to the Temple. Pretty odd, huh, but I didn’t even think about that when I applied there. How was I supposed to know what that big old tower was? Anyway, they come in pretty often, yeah. Awful slow tonight, though.
Well, uh, hmm. I, uh, hmm. Well, to tell you the truth, yes, Officer, one Jedi did come in tonight. Yes. One did.
Now, let me think here. He was human. Brown hair, sort of reddish, actually. It was cut like the younger ones seem to like it, about this short and spiky, with this funny little braid down one side. Pale skin, grayish kind of eyes, not especially tall, more like a little stocky, not a bad-looking guy.
Wearing? Well you know. Brown cloak, brown boots, whitish robes, the usual getup.
Yes, you can bet I did notice some odd things about him, Officer. The entire night was just plain odd, I’d say.
Sure, sure I can elaborate on that. For starters, he comes in all alone. Jedi don’t tend to really do that, they run around in big groups, or at least in twos or threes, kind of like, very social beings, see? Not this one. He waves me right on over and orders a Corellian firewhisky, and I tell you, the man didn’t look like he was a big drinker. Very straight-laced, that was my impression.
“On the rocks?” I ask.
“I don’t care,” he says. Sounds completely miserable. I bring him his drink.
“Rough night?” I ask him. Just trying to make conversation, you get the idea.
“It’s about to be,” he tells me. So I’m thinking, um, okay, probably better back off now, and I head off down to the end of the bar.
Guy looks up at me. “Did you ever think…” He stops, but the place is completely empty and I sure don’t have nothing else to do, so I give him kind of this encouraging look.
He starts up again: “Did you ever think that a certain… a certain part of your life was over, and then he – and then
it
comes back to trouble you?”
Well, that reminded me of the war, Officer, and I thought how nervous I still am, and I thought how scared my kids still are. You know I took them to see a holofilm once, like a little treat for them, just a normal flick for younglings, and there was this part where the bad guy sets the good guy’s house on fire. And all the sudden my kids were crying and I was kind of like shaking and I was crying and I herded them on out of the theatre and we were a mess for the rest of the night, just a complete mess.
Because back home, when they torched our house, the canids… well they were still inside… and Papa, I mean my father, he went back in for ‘em.
After ten minutes, I knew. But the kids, they wouldn’t believe me. They just stayed up the whole long night, waiting for Grandpapi to come on out of the smoke with Mynr and Kynr on their leashes. They didn’t believe me till morning.
And some stupid youngling holo can bring back the smell of your burning house and the howling canids and make your heart pound like it was still happening, right this instant.
So I say to him, I know what he means. I pour him another drink. It’s on the house, I say, and I tell him that there’s this one thing we got to remember about the past: it’s gone. No matter how bad it was, it can’t touch us no more. I quoted him one of the only poets my poor homeworld ever got to birthing in the last fifty years. He wrote that memories can ache, but they shouldn’t draw blood. I like that, see, I tell my kids that sometimes.
Guy just shakes his head at me. “I wish you were right,” he says, and I look at him and I notice something. Yeah, I see it right in his eye, he’s scared, he’s terrified.
His eyes flick over towards the door. Jedi, you know, they’re uncanny like that, and sure enough the door swings open.
In comes this other guy. He wasn’t a Jedi.
No, Officer, I’m sure as anything, he wasn’t. He was… He made me nervous. That Jedi throws me a look like, hey, lady, you’d better just watch yourself, and I don’t need no second hint to hurry on over to the end of the bar and get wiping glasses.
Describe him? Well, he was dressed in dark colors. Clothes must have cost him a fortune, or at least they looked it. He had sort of longish dark hair, and this weird little scar on his cheek, like kind of a half-circle. Yeah, pretty strange. But the oddest thing of all was that he – well, let me explain you something, Officer. I got good instincts. Like, let’s say you’re walking down the street, and something tells you, you got to run. What do you do? You take off running, that’s what, you run like hell, because that something inside of you knows some things a whole lot better than you. Maybe it’s a bomb, maybe there’s somebody fixing to jump you and take your wallet, but whatever it is, you’d better get out of there. You don’t even have to ask why.
So this scarface man. The second he walked in, my instinct was telling me he was dangerous. I know it. I’d bet money that he spilled innocent blood before in his life, he reeked of it, that’s all I can tell you.
On the other side, though, I was real curious, so I started listening in to their talk.
“I’ve been wondering since you contacted me,” says the Jedi, and I think he’s feeling a little too brave, that firewhisky’s got him a little loosened up. “Just how
did
you manage to survive?”
“That’s my little secret, and I intend to keep it that way. Besides, you really ought to be worrying about your own neck at the moment, not mine,” the man answers back at him.
Jedi gives a little sigh. “Why have you brought me here? What is the meaning of all this?”
The scarface man just laughs. Says he’s making the Jedi an offer. Jedi wants to know what the man has to bargain with, so he pulls out this little envelope and tosses it down on the bar, like a man might throw down a sabacc hand when he knows he can trump near anything.
-----signature-----
What She Saw:
http://boards.theforce.net/Before_the_Saga/b10475/21886008/?0
Proud (if erstwhile) padawan to Master Darth Pixel.
It's not Darth Real Life, actually -
I prefer to think of it as my very demanding Jedi Master.
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dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
Date Posted:
10/10/05 5:13am
Subject:
RE: What She Saw: a Dare Challenge entry! §Part 1 of 2§
You can't stop there!!!
Dang cliffie! Where's Qui-Gon? What's in the envelope? Why is Xanatos still alive???
Great job but I want more!
-----signature-----
Betrayal -
http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143
updated 11/2/09
jedidas3's Master
Merlin - Diplomatic Immunity -
http://boards.theforce.net/nswff/b10808/30459852
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raisedbywolves
Registered:
Jul '05
Date Posted:
10/10/05 5:19am
Subject:
RE: What She Saw: a Dare Challenge entry! §Part 1 of 2§
Thanks, Diane. Haha, how embarassing, here I sit waiting for replies
Well, it is Part 1 of 2. But considering the dare, don't expect any kind of happy resolution. I'm just saying...
How did you like the, ummm, "unique" style?
-----signature-----
What She Saw:
http://boards.theforce.net/Before_the_Saga/b10475/21886008/?0
Proud (if erstwhile) padawan to Master Darth Pixel.
It's not Darth Real Life, actually -
I prefer to think of it as my very demanding Jedi Master.
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Alethia
Registered:
Feb '05
Date Posted:
10/10/05 6:07am
Subject:
RE: What She Saw: a Dare Challenge entry! §Part 1 of 2§
Ooh, very interesting! And I liked the style. It's intriguing and you can really get to know the speaker that way. Great beginning and I can't wait for more.
-----signature-----
Jen, High Scholar and Ponderer of all Things Verily Blue, and Official caller of Suz, Crusader of Heretics and Knight of the Blue 1000
Now sacrificing Movie Garfield
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Princess_Arulmozhi
Registered:
Nov '04
Date Posted:
10/10/05 6:22am
Subject:
RE: What She Saw: a Dare Challenge entry! §Part 1 of 2§
-
Date Edited:
10/10/05 6:23am
(1 edits total)
Edited By:
Princess_Arulmozhi
Oh, I likey the style (
Can I buy a vowel
? har har.). I really, really really like. And like Diane, I'm gnawing my fingernails off. What was in that sarlacc/sabacc hand-like envelope? How did Xanatos escape???????????
Argh. Post, post, post!!!!!
-----signature-----
Perceptions (Xanatos/Obi/Qui/Anakin) AU:http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/25276178/p1/?7 - *vignette*
Stones (Li'l Obi/Qui) -
http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/23371821/p1/
Best Author, WFFA (BtS) 05/06
Lore-Master to 7
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dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
Date Posted:
10/10/05 9:24am
Subject:
RE: What She Saw: a Dare Challenge entry! §Part 1 of 2§
-
Date Edited:
10/10/05 9:25am
(1 edits total)
Edited By:
dianethx
I like the style, too. Makes it more immediate and adds an air of confusion from the OC to the curiosity of what is going on!
As for waiting for people to post their comments, we all do it!
I'm notorious for doing that! That's what the refresh button is for...LOL.
-----signature-----
Betrayal -
http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143
updated 11/2/09
jedidas3's Master
Merlin - Diplomatic Immunity -
http://boards.theforce.net/nswff/b10808/30459852
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VaderLVR64
Title:
Manager Emeritus
Registered:
Feb '04
Date Posted:
10/10/05 11:44am
Subject:
RE: What She Saw: a Dare Challenge entry! §Part 1 of 2§
Wow! Great entry! I am looking forward to part two wtih great anticipation!
-----signature-----
R.I.P John, Alex, Jason, and Christian
Never forgotten
Soldiers' Angels
http://soldiersangels.org/
2114 soldiers waiting for someone to care
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Indra
Registered:
Dec '03
Date Posted:
10/10/05 12:00pm
Subject:
RE: What She Saw: a Dare Challenge entry! §Part 1 of 2§
That was brilliant. Wonderful style, funny one moment (loved the bit about the vowel) and heartwrenching the next. Great work and I'm also eagerly waiting for more.
-----signature-----
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by. - Douglas Adams
Picking Every Blade of Truth
http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/23113954/p1/?1
- collaboration with VaderLVR
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LuvEwan
Registered:
Mar '02
Date Posted:
10/10/05 12:08pm
Subject:
RE: What She Saw: a Dare Challenge entry! §Part 1 of 2§
That was amazing!
I loved the realistic dialogue, and the way the narrator described certain things. The ending was so creepy...I just can't for more!
-----signature-----
What Light Breaks-AU Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon Anakin angst (collaboration with Spiritweaver)
http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/29979222/p1/?0
You want an Obi-Wan epic? We've got it right here.
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Lola64
Registered:
Mar '05
Date Posted:
10/10/05 12:27pm
Subject:
RE: What She Saw: a Dare Challenge entry! §Part 1 of 2§
I pick humorous, very humorous.
Loved how she was giving a report to the coppers.
I too must know the contents of said envelope.
This was very uniquely done. Loved it.
-----signature-----
Kyp/Nurse Lola: the new ship
I stalk people. It's a Lola thing.
Been gone and is now back. Did you miss me?
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Layren
Registered:
Oct '03
Date Posted:
10/10/05 3:13pm
Subject:
RE: What She Saw: a Dare Challenge entry! §Part 1 of 2§
Wow! What an entry! Awesome style -- love how you've managed to totally draw us into Obi-Wan's world through the eyes of someone else... and what is in the envelope!!
*is dying to know* post part two soon!
-----signature-----
Proud Master to Ara-gon
The Triad Chronicles
http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/25934993/p1/?177
(OC's)
Into Another Day
http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/27926050/p1/?0
2008 Dear Diary Challenge
I am Jinngerbread.
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raisedbywolves
Registered:
Jul '05
Date Posted:
10/11/05 10:12pm
Subject:
RE: What She Saw: a Dare Challenge entry! §Part 1 of 2§
Wow, that's a lot of responses, people! I can't tell you how flattered I am right now, especially since some of you are *my* favorite authors. I hope Part 2 doesn't disappoint!
I liked the style. It's intriguing and you can really get to know the speaker that way
Thanks
Alethia
! I had fun deciding how to make her speak, since she's a foreigner and probably has little formal education. The inspiration came mostly from Turkish-born German speakers, especially when she adds phrases like "well you know" or "you can bet".
P_A:
What was in that sarlacc/sabacc hand-like envelope?
Gosh dang it! Only I could manage to confuse a card game with a massive, toothy hole in the ground!
How did Xanatos escape???????????
You know... He actually wouldn't tell me, either.
diane
, I do love it how people here make me feel normal!
Oh thank you,
VaderLVR
! I hope you enjoy the rest...
Indra
:
Wonderful style, funny one moment (loved the bit about the vowel) and heartwrenching the next.
Yeah, even when I'm supposed to be angsty, I can't resist the gallows humor. Maybe we can just call that realism. After all, the real world is tragic and hilarious all at once. And in this case of course, the officer uses corny jokes to deal with his depressing job, and Mörilh would definitely have needed an unflappable spirit to survive her homeworld.
LuvEwan
:
That was amazing!
Awww, all this oldbie praise is really making me blush... Don't hate the ending *too* much. BTW your signature quote always produces fangirl giggles from me!
Lola:
I pick humorous, very humorous.
My, you have a dark sense of humor.
Layren:
Thank you!
-----signature-----
What She Saw:
http://boards.theforce.net/Before_the_Saga/b10475/21886008/?0
Proud (if erstwhile) padawan to Master Darth Pixel.
It's not Darth Real Life, actually -
I prefer to think of it as my very demanding Jedi Master.
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raisedbywolves
Registered:
Jul '05
Date Posted:
10/11/05 10:30pm
Subject:
RE: What She Saw: a Dare Challenge entry! §COMPLETE§
And now for Part 2!
.......
In that envelope there’s a whole stack of photographs printed out as flimsies. That Jedi’s looking through, he’s looking through, and he looks none too excited about what he sees.
“How did you get these?” he bursts out.
“What does that matter?” says the man. “Cooperate with me to the letter, and they’ll be destroyed; otherwise, I’ll arrange for them to fall into the hands of the Council, and you’ll simply have to face the consequences of your actions. Oh, and so will she, of course.”
“I’d rather trust to their mercy than bind myself to any conditions of yours!”
Well the man just tosses back his head and laughs at that like to make your blood run cold. “Mercy?” he says. “Surely you can’t believe they have it in them to forgive you. What would they do, assign you each a few days of penitent meditation and trust that alone would cool your desire? No, these pictures are proof that you’ve known a joy forbidden to your cold and calculating kind, forbidden because it cares nothing for the Force, for the dictates of the Council or the principles of your pithy little Code. The mere fact that you’ve escaped their control in this manner makes you a threat, a heretic, an enemy.”
“That’s nonsense!” But the Jedi don’t sound all too sure of himself.
“And,” says the man, just like the Jedi hadn’t even said a thing, “it will make them jealous. They will hate you for your happiness, the happiness they’ve denied themselves, and that alone will be reason enough for them to expel you. Especially since the only one who would have been foolish enough to defend you is dead. Finally.”
No, Officer, I never did get a look at those pictures. But I think I can guess, can’t you?
Should I keep telling?
Okay, well, after that the Jedi starts to get real nervous, I can see his fingertips tapping on the bar. “And what should I care if they do?” he blusters. “We’ll still have one another. You can’t take that away from us.”
Scarface man just leans back in his chair and shakes his head. “Oh, your mild-mannered and forgiving colleague wouldn’t dream of holding a grudge against the one whose tender advances led to her expulsion, whose love caused her to lose the only home she ever knew.” Now he’s talking slow and deliberate, like every word should hurt. “Sooner or later, one of you would crack. And then you’d be alone. Disgraced and forgotten, a useless piece of flotsam wandering the galaxy like a homeless ghost, bereft of all purpose, waiting for the mercy of death. Would you risk that?”
Oh, and the Jedi, that hits him real hard. He’s all slumped over, gone pale, like he knows he’s lost. So he just asks, what’s he got to do?
Guy takes him all rough by the arm, pulls him in close, the Jedi’s shrinking away, looking like a beat-up little boy. And the man’s talking, he’s muttering too quiet for me to hear. I don’t know what he’s saying, but the look on his face is terrible, all stony cold and kind of triumphant, I guess you’d say. Gives me the shivers just thinking about it. I never saw such a face.
But before he’s even done telling, the Jedi springs up out his chair, and it knocks over and clatters on the floor. “Never,” he says, no, he downright shouts it and he don’t care who hears. “Never!”
Scarface man just holds up his little envelope of pictures.
“Not for anything!” the Jedi says, ‘cause he sure enough knew what that was supposed to mean. He turns his back and he barges right on towards the door. Already got his hand on the knob, and the scarface man kinda hisses:
“Twenty-four hours.”
“I’ve made my decision,” the Jedi says, and he’s all the sudden calm, like it don’t have anything to do with anything.
Then he’s gone, just like that. I watch that door swinging shut, and I guess I must entirely have forgot about that glass I was cleaning, because it just slips out of my hand and smashes in pieces all over the floor.
I’m looking down at that glass, see, and I don’t need to look up because I can feel well enough that scarface man watching me, whether I can see him at it or not. Oh and you can bet I knew I was in for it then, Officer.
Now at times like that, and I do suppose you know it, there isn’t but one thing to do. So I lean down under the counter to get myself the dustpan and brush. As I do it I’m thinking of my six little ones. I’m repeating their names in my head. And I’m praying, oh my sweet Goddess, You too are a mother, and You wouldn’t leave my little children alone without me, now. Oh my Mother, You may have took their fathers away in Your wisdom that I cannot understand, but won’t You have mercy on them tonight, not on me, Mother, but won’t You have mercy upon them?
And as I start sweeping up that broken glass, the scarface man says to me, “Tell me what business has been like this evening.”
Now Officer, I am not no stupid woman, I am not any kind of stupid.
So I tell him, it sure has been damn slow tonight. Yes indeed, awful slow. He asks me if I seen any Jedi in there all night, and I tell him no, no Jedi, and believe me when I say I was half expecting him to pull a blaster and take my face off right then and there.
But he just says, good, and he looks down at those two firewhisky glasses that the Jedi had. He slaps down a credit chip on the bar and says to me to keep the change, and then he just pulls up the hood on that velvety jacket and disappears off into the dark. And you may well understand, Officer, that it sure enough took me a moment to breathe easy after all
that
.
Finally I just poured myself a glass of, well, something strong – some bartender, huh, not even to know what I drank myself. I sat down on one of the chairs, ‘cause my feet were a little unsteady, just glad enough to be alive. After a while I take a look at that credit chip.
Officer, I swear to you, that chip was a
thousander
. One thousand credits just to keep my mouth shut, and I do hope that scarface man don’t catch wind I was talking to you. And what else could I do, I ring up those five credits for those firewhiskys and I count out the change for myself. Right here. Look at that. I never had such a strange night in that bar, for sure.
Actually, that’s pretty much all I can tell. It was ten minutes till closing time when I looked at the clock again, and you can guess my nerves were not up to no more customers. So I closed down and I swept and locked the doors like usual and headed for home, and that’s when I ran into you.
Now if you don’t mind, I’ll be heading on home to my younglings. Probably they’re getting worried, and like I said.
Good night to you too, Officer.
Hey, um, wait, could you stop a minute, just a minute?
If you don’t mind saying, Officer – just why
were
you so interested in that Jedi?
Oh.
Oh you don’t say.
Sweet Goddess, what a height… what an awful way to go… But you don’t suppose he really…
No sign of a struggle at all?
Oh, that poor boy, how terrible, I just don’t know what to say. That poor, poor boy.
Yes, well, I… I’m glad I could help you out.
I’d better be getting home too. Stay safe. It’s none too pleasant down here by the metro station after dark, you know.
Good night, Officer.
-----signature-----
What She Saw:
http://boards.theforce.net/Before_the_Saga/b10475/21886008/?0
Proud (if erstwhile) padawan to Master Darth Pixel.
It's not Darth Real Life, actually -
I prefer to think of it as my very demanding Jedi Master.
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ladylaurel18
Registered:
Sep '05
Date Posted:
10/11/05 10:38pm
Subject:
RE: What She Saw: a Dare Challenge entry! §COMPLETE§
That poor Jedi...
I loved it. Gave me the chills, and me sniffle at least a little at the end. I want to pick up a shovel and go after that guy with the pictures.
And I want to smack the Jedi Council upside the head for being unforgiving.
-----signature-----
**Twich’s Twisted Sisters**
Pacis, Iuris, Libertas, Obsidis
Shadow of the Suns-
http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/22714582/p1/?14
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Princess_Arulmozhi
Registered:
Nov '04
Date Posted:
10/12/05 2:28am
Subject:
RE: What She Saw: a Dare Challenge entry! §COMPLETE§
Wow. That was a truly beautiful piece. And I feel awful about the end of the Jedi - and I wish I could just wring Scarface's neck.
Beautiful style,
rbw
. It brings the story very close to the reder - and flows gracefully. The Oc's perfect (especially, exclaiming about the credit chips and the six little ones). Excellent work.
-----signature-----
Perceptions (Xanatos/Obi/Qui/Anakin) AU:http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/25276178/p1/?7 - *vignette*
Stones (Li'l Obi/Qui) -
http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/23371821/p1/
Best Author, WFFA (BtS) 05/06
Lore-Master to 7
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Lola64
Registered:
Mar '05
Date Posted:
10/12/05 8:47am
Subject:
RE: What She Saw: a Dare Challenge entry! §COMPLETE§
This was really great.
Too bad about the Jedi. I'm sure there was no need really but maybe he thought it was the only option left.
Great job.
-----signature-----
Kyp/Nurse Lola: the new ship
I stalk people. It's a Lola thing.
Been gone and is now back. Did you miss me?
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