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Author	Topic: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot
Eowyn_Jade Registered: Jan '03	Date Posted: 12/31/03 6:26pm Subject: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot - Date Edited: 12/31/03 8:31pm (2 edits total) Edited By: Eowyn_Jade
	I'm Still Here Summary: Kyp struggles over his memories of Jaina and mourns over the love that he never gave her. Rating: PG to be safe but I think it's really G Characters: Kyp Durron, Jaina Solo, Jacen Solo, Han Solo Disclaimer: Star wars, alas, does not belong to me, though I wish I was as rich as George Lucus and all those other authors. The song I use here is called "I'm Still Here" by Vertical Horizon and was the "duh" inspiration for this story. Author's Notes: Okay this took me an insine amount of time for a Viggie but I think it was well worth it. This was particuarly fun to write with the flashbacks so be sure to be careful and watch the changes. present time is normal the past is in itallics lyrics are in bold Kyp tossed and turned in his bed. Images and scenes of the past few months flashing before his eyes. He tried to force them out, make them leave. Make it so he didn't see her. Didn't think about her. But he always would. Without a doubt, she was in every single shot, every single frame of his memory, there for her. Then the coldness came…and she had left. I found the pieces in my hand They were always there "Jaina!" He bolted up, flinging himself forward and crying out her name. The sweat was pouring down his face and he could scarcely breath as he realized that she was not there, just like before. And just like before, he was alone again. Kyp ran a hand down his face, trying to regain his composure in his nearly pitch black bedroom. Glancing over at his chrono he groaned at how late it was and flopped back onto his pillow, enjoying the cool sensation of the air rushing past him. He lay in silence for a few moments. Remembering all too much, and thinking about her more than he knew was healthy… "Kyp why don't you say something…" Kyp held his gaze to the ground and refused to look up at her. His heart was beating wildly at the words that had just been spoken by the beautiful woman in front of him, and yet there was a gaping twist in his heart every time he tried to reply back. "Kyp," her voice wavered a bit and he envisioned the few tears that were now pricking at her eyes. "Kyp, I just told you…Kyp I just told you that I loved you…" Her voice quivered as she said it again and again, Kyp felt the twist in his heart. He kept his silence and only looked up as he saw a single drop of something fall to the ground in front of him. His head whipped up and he saw that her tears were flowing freely. How his heart ached to dry her tears, but he held himself back… It just took some time to understand Kyp jumped back out of the memory, trying his best not to relive the horror of that day. Swinging his legs off the side of the bed he gingerly stood up and pulled on a robe, shuffling over to his small kitchenette to find something to help his fall back asleep. Opening the cupboard he reached in to grab a cup and switched the caf machine on to warm it up. But instead of pouring the caf mixture into it, he poured powdered chocolate, an old recipes that Luke had hooked him up with after the war that was rather foreign, but Hot Chocolate got him to sleep on the worst of his nights as of yet. He set the cup down and collapsed into a chair nearby, running his head through his hair and as the smell of the warming drink filed the room, the memories returned again… Kyp didn't look down but mearly looked to the side where the rest of his friends were laughing and socializing together. Never in his wildest drams had he figure on this setting tonight, but Jaina had obviously been planning this for a while now. "Kyp…" He automatically turned to the sound of her calling his name but regretted it almost instantly. There was such a deep amount of anguish and pain in her eyes that he didn't know if he could stand it. "This would be the time for you to say something…" Jaina said slowly and softly, her bottom lip quivering. Kyp opened his mouth to reply but all he could do was stutter. What was wrong with him? Jaina sighed at his stuttering an mearly closed her eyes, more of her tears running down. "I knew it…" she said softly, her eyes still downcast. "I knew that this was wrong…" She looked back at him, all the love and admiration that had once been in them was gone and it was now replaced with something worse: pain. "You mean to tell me you've led me on these past 5 months and you don't even love me?" Her voice was stronger now and Kyp was worried that others in the room might hear, but no one turned their way. "Jaina…" He reasoned. "Say it!" She defied him, another single tear running down her cheek. Kyp tried to again without success and her face hardened more. "You can't say it Kyp! Or is it that you don't feel it? Is that it?"… You gave me words I just can't say Kyp managed to shake off the memory again as the beeping sounded that his chocolate was ready. Heaving himself up he reached over for it and sank back down, sipping at it every now and again. She had left that night, not sparing him a second glance, or even a first one for that matter. The next few days were spent in agony as they were forced to work together. But by the 5th day, Jaina had managed to get herself transferred to Mon Calamari…and Kyp was still stuck on the Rebel Dream, hoping from System to system, helping refugees, rebuilding planets and organizing the reaming Jedi with Luke. But Jaina….no, Jaina was gone. She had made it perfectly clear that she wasn't coming back. So if nothing else I'll hold on while you drift away Cause everything you wanted me to hide Is everything that makes me feel alive And so Kyp remained alone, night after night, with only Jaina's relatives around to keep him company, which wasn't the most pleasing arrangement in the world… "You seen Jaina around, Kyp?" Jacen Solo walked up behind him as Kyp worked on his X-Wing. "No can do," Kyp said non-chalantly as he reached for another tool in his kit. Jacen didn't walk away though. "You two have been awfully formal with each other lately…" he said slowly. Suddenly he ducked his head down to look at Kyp directly. "Get in an argument or something?" He smiled mischievously. "It was the one about having kids right? She wants them and you don't?" If Jacen hadn't been the son of his best friend, Kyp would and decked him in the face right there. As it was, he settled for throwing a dirty rag in his face. "Lay off Jacen. I don't want to talk about it." Jacen seemed to consider this for a moment before saying sweetly. "Well I can always get it out of Jaina…she tells me everything." Kyp rolled out from under his ship quickly and gave Jacen a piercing look. "Quit it kid. I'm dating your sister, not you." Jacen held up a finger. "Ah, but I am her twin and in that right I am eligible for all the dirty details from her boyfriend." He paused and grinned slyly. "Need I remind you of the three or 15 threats you received the day you first asked her out?" Oh how Kyp remembered those. All the Solo and Skywalker men and women had personally pledged to kill him if he had ever hurt Jaina. All within 10 minutes of each other. Kyp had never received that many death threats in his life. He shot Jacen a nasty glare but finally relented. He threw down his tool and took a deep breath. "She told me she loved me…" Jacen shrugged. "What's so bad about that?" Kyp braced himself for an oncoming storm. "I couldn't say it back to her." "YOU WHAT?"… Kyp chuckled to himself as he remembered that. Okay so that had been somewhat funny. It was surprising how strong Jacen actually was, strong enough to give Kyp a split lip and black eye, and even strong enough that he got Kyp to go try and talk to her…but she never talked to him again. Didn't even look him in the eye. After countless tries, he had given up… Cities grow Rivers flow Where you are, I'll never know But I'm still here "It was totally and completely my fault Jaina…You know me well enough that I can be a prick sometimes! Please Jaina, just talk to me." For the third time Kyp was pounding outside Jaina's door late at night, ignoring the few passerby's and instead trying desperately to keep coming up with things to say. He knew she was in there, but she still had not said one word to him. "I'm sorry Jaina…. I'm sorry I just kind of froze! It was so sudden! Give me another chance, Jaina!" His ranting carried on for another 2 hours before he had fallen asleep at the foot of her door… You were a fool Durron…What in the heck were you thinking… If you were right and I was wrong Why are you the one that's gone I'm still here Still here Kyp was running at top speed, turning corners so fast that he practically toppled over anyone and everyone who was in the hallway. "Move! Move!" He shouted angrily. Upon finally reaching his destination, he stopped short in seeing the very familiar X-Wing lift off towards the sky and disappear into the endless space beyond. A few hot tear filled his eyes as he watched her go and he realized that he was too late. "Hey, Kid!" He didn't turn but he could dense Han come and stand beside him and the both watched until Jaina's X-Wing was long gone. Finally, Kyp blinked out a few tears and turned to his old friend. "Why didn't anyone tell me?" he asked bitterly, seeing that all her family was here for her departure. Han put a hand on his shoulder. "She didn't want us to…" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a crisp piece of flimsy, placing it into Kyp's hand. "She told me to give you this." Han reached up to tousle Kyp's hair once before he followed the rest of his family out of the docking bay. Kyp watched them go and then looked down at the flimsy. His shaky hands tried to hold it still as he read the one line that was written there. All I wanted was those three words. Hot tears fell out of his eyes now and loud sobs resounded through his chest as he slid down the wall and cried, the flimsy fallen to the ground… Seeing the ashes in my heart The smile the widest When I cry inside and my insides blow apart Kyp scowled into the darkness and downed the last of his now cold chocolate. As he washed out the cup, he came to a realization. "She was the first woman to ever make me cry…" he mumbled to himself, smiling a bit as he recalled some of his more happier days with her, when their relationship had been simpler, and when things had not been tense… "KYP!" Kyp Durron grinned as he climbed down from his ship, his arms opened wide to accept the high speed brown blur that raced towards him. Giggling with delight Jaina rushed into Kyp's arms and hugged him tight. He basked in being so close to her. Realizing that after all these years, she was his. "You've been away too long…" Jaina whispered in his ear. "Well for greeting's like that, I'll go away more often," Kyp told her with a smile, pulling back so that he could look at her. I tried to wear another face Just to make you proud Just to make you put me in my place He smiled as he held her hand and the walked and talked about all that had happened in the two weeks that he had been gone. Kyp rarely made any statements, but managed to spend most of the time just staring at her, taking in her petit form and very appealing lips that he had missed. "I wanted to talk to you about something Kyp…" He snapped out of it and looked at her curiously. She looked rather nervous but eventually continued. "Well I've bee thinking a lot about our future and…well lets just say that I know neither of us is getting younger, you especially…" she smiled at that he knew she was teasing him. "But don't you think it's time that we…well maybe that we moved forward with this relationship…" Kyp raised an eyebrow at her. "Are you saying I'm old?" Jaina burst out into a fit of giggles and they colapsed on each other, the question dropped out of Jaina's mind as they kissed. But Kyp still remembered the question exactly and knew exactly why he had changed the subject… But everything you wanted to take from me Is everything that I could never be "She's gone Durron," Kyp said to himself. "Get a life and go to sleep…" Taking his own advice, Kyp shuffled back to his bed and relaxed back onto his pillow. For some reason, these days he could never get comfortable while he was lying there. He supposed that it was the fact that now he knew Jaina would never be lying there next to them. No, Kyp admitted to himself. They had never shared a bed. Never went passed the line. Kyp suspected it was partly his fright and her timidity that had kept them from that. Or, it could have been that he had never told her that he loved her. But she was gone now. Cities grow Rivers flow Where you are, I'll never know But I'm still here If you were right and I was wrong Why are you the one that's gone I'm still here Kyp closed his eyes, determined to get at least a few more hours of sleep tonight before he had to get to his station. Jaina had caused him enough sleepless nights already. Besides, tomorrow was a new day. Kyp had been surviving on the attitude that every day was new and that no one could predict that would happen in it. Threfore, he had no reason to lie awake at night, dreading when the day cycle began the next morning. Maybe today I won't think about her as much, Kyp mussed as he drifted to sleep. Maybe today I will forget her, as she has obviously forgotten me. Maybe tonight It's gonna be alright I will get better Maybe today It's gonna be okay No…he thought to himself. I'll always remember… I will remember Kyp dreamed again. He saw when they had met up for the first time since her leaving. One of the routine stops on Mon Calamari had led them right to her doorstep, and she was home… She was still as beautiful as ever, and he still felt like a fool for letting her leave. But she didn't ever acknowledge him. He stood near the council room as Luke and Han were discussing something with the new Chief of State. He had seen her coming, but made sure not to let her know that as she walked by. He saw her slightly turn his direction, but she still walked by without a word, her determination as thick as her stubbornness…. I held the pieces of my soul I was shattered and I wanted you to come and make me whole When I saw you yesterday But you didn't noticed And you just walked away He saw her right after their first argument. They had stayed apart for nearly an hour before neither of them could take it and hey had both gone to search the other out… After falling into each other's arms with happy tears, Jaina, with tears in her eyes had said something that changed Kyp's view on their relationship from that day forward. "You're too good for me…" Cause everything you wanted me to hide Is everything that makes me feel alive Kyp couldn't remember quite why that affect him so. Maybe it was the fact that throughout his whole life, inferiority was just something he made due with. He could never be like everyone else, much less better. He had been raised too differently. He had taken too many dark paths. He had aged too much to believe that anyone would ever like him, much less love him. Much less stick with him long enough to think that he was too good for them…Kyp Durron had never been too good for anyone. And it scared him that that fact had been changed. Cities grow Rivers flow Where you are, I'll never know But I'm still here Kyp bolted up again, ripping the memories from his mind and relaxing back in his bed, breathing hard. Shape up Durron….get a hold of yourself… If you were right and I was wrong Why are you the one who's gone And I'm still here The lights go out, the bridges burn Once you're gone, you can't return I'm still here "Frankly I'm surprised we're finally doing this Kyp," Jaina said with a grin as they sat across from each other at a lavished table in Kyp's apartment that he had decorated for the occasion. The date had gone on rather smoothly, with casual conversation and plenty of laughs. Jaina though was first to point out what was on both of their minds through the whole date. "Well there's a first time for everything," Kyp joked. "Besides, I'm old enough now that your father finally thinks I'm mature." Jaina giggled at his joke. "And as the mature one, we both know that this relationship goes as far as you take it. I'll tell you that I'm not going to run away from it, now that it's finally here." Kyp reached out and took her hand. "Well if you promise not to run away, I'll do my best to say the same." She smiled back at him… Remember how you use to say I'd be the one to runaway But I'm still here His memories froze on her smile and for the second time in his life, Kyp Durron curled up and cried for the woman he loved. "Jaina…Jaina…I'm sorry….I love you…" Ta! That was it! Long enough? Well say your two cents in a review kay? Thanks ^_^ EJ -----signature----- "You guys are like ravenous wolves." -Devin ~ Defying Gravity ~
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JainaSticksSolo19 Registered: Mar '03	Date Posted: 12/31/03 7:23pm Subject: RE: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot
	that was sad. but it was so good. i'm very J/J but in this fic i was hopeing she would go back to him. very well written -----signature----- Somewhat-sexy...with a hypen-Pat, when asked to describe himself in one word for states Empires crumble. There are no exceptions. I've lived long enough to see the future become history, Professor. ~Dorian Grey (T.L.O.E.G)
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Deneveon Registered: Jun '02	Date Posted: 12/31/03 8:01pm Subject: RE: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot
	[face_shocked] ... ... ... Whoa. I'm telling you, that blew me away!! So unconventional, in a totally flooring way! I'm floored, EJ. I mean, wow! That has got to be one of the best K/Js I have read, one-shot or otherwise. It's so original, and it doesn't fit into that overused storyline that has come to dominate K/J stories as of late. Marvelous, stupendous, awesome stuff! And I'm not even exaggerating, because I rarely take the time to write this kind of review when reading something. I've got to tell you, that was amazing! Kyp's angst and emotion is just reeking off every line, every word. Awesome, awesome, AWESOME job! This is definitely award-worthy material, and I don't say that lightly --Den
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Jaina_and_Jag Registered: Apr '03	Date Posted: 12/31/03 8:41pm Subject: RE: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot
	opens and closes her mouth several times Kyp, you idiot! That was terribly sad!!! I can't believe he didn't tell her he loved her back! Amazingly written though. You made me ache for him and (in my mind of course ) beg for her to go back to him. I can't believe he blew it though!
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Jez_3-14159265358979 Registered: Aug '01	Date Posted: 1/1/04 4:59am Subject: RE: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot
	grrrrrrrrrrrrrr... i could really hurt kyp right now. Jez -----signature----- "She Drew a Circle that left me out, Heritic, Rebel, a thing to flout, But my heart had wit to win, I drew a circle that took her in."
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Eowyn_Jade Registered: Jan '03	Date Posted: 1/1/04 5:23am Subject: RE: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot
	JainaSticksSolo19 - Well I didn't expect J/Jers to come in here but I'm very pleased you did! And even more pleased that you enjoyed it somewhat! Thanks so much for reviewing! It means alot! Deneveon - Wow.... umm... Thanks!! Thank you SO much! You're really nice!! I'm so flattered that you enjoyed it so much, especially since I've read alot of your stuff and you're a MUCH better writer than I am But I'm very glad you enjoyed it and thank you so much for taking the time to write that review! I'm sure you can relate at how nice it is to get a review like that Jaina_and_Jag - Yes it was very sad, but that was the point so I'm glad you got it! I don't know if the real Kyp would be so dense in the books, but he seemed like the best character for this Thank you so much for your nice review! Jez - Oh couldn't we all Jez Thanks for reading and reviewing! EJ -----signature----- "You guys are like ravenous wolves." -Devin ~ Defying Gravity ~
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DantanaSkywalker Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Apr '02	Date Posted: 1/1/04 5:38am Subject: RE: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot
	AGH! NO! STUPID KYPPIE! GO FIND HER AND KISS HER, YOU IDIOT!! Gah, two 'fics in which Kyp is being stupid! Nicely written. I like it (even if Kyppie's stupid). Dana -----signature----- http://www.kypandjaina.net "I always liked Kyp Durron better, anyway." -- Han Solo ". . . What the hell is an 'Aluminum Falcon'?" "This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object."
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Eowyn_Jade Registered: Jan '03	Date Posted: 1/1/04 3:26pm Subject: RE: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot
	LOL You tell him Dana. Someone needs to get that thought into his head I'm glad you enjoyed it, despite the bit where Kyp was acting like and idiot (which I'm sure none of us enjoyed very much ) Thanks EJ -----signature----- "You guys are like ravenous wolves." -Devin ~ Defying Gravity ~
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Eowyn_Jade Registered: Jan '03	Date Posted: 1/2/04 6:38pm Subject: RE: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot
	UP! PLEASE? EJ -----signature----- "You guys are like ravenous wolves." -Devin ~ Defying Gravity ~
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Deneveon Registered: Jun '02	Date Posted: 1/2/04 7:14pm Subject: RE: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot
	I'm honestly surprised this hasn't generated more reviews than it already has... perhaps all the reviewers are still suffering from new year hangovers Up! to this. Have I mentioned that this has become one of my favorite K/J one-posters ever? Well, if I haven't, here it is. I know I'm being redundant, but this is a work of pure marvel. I've read it just about a dozen times and I still love it everytime. But uhm, since I didn't ask for it in my first review, could we pweeeeaaaase have a sequel? Come on, you can't just leave us like that! I mean, give poor Kyppie a break. It's not like he's afraid of commitment or anything, right? I mean, you've got to give him a break, after all the torture you've put him through. Up! --Den
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SaberBlade Registered: Sep '01	Date Posted: 1/2/04 7:21pm Subject: RE: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot
	Whew! I was a little confused as to whether or not she was dead, but hey, that's just cause I'm a ditz. Excellent story! Will you be writing more viggies? Please? -Saber -----signature----- My fics are in my bio. And now they're even unlocked! The new fic series: Debates - http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=17715156&start=17719595 I'm amused. I'm constantly amused.
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Fireyforce Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 1/2/04 9:15pm Subject: RE: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot
	Ack that's it??!!!???!!???!!! you've got to do a sequal!!!! Jaina has to come back!! JAINA!!!! Fireyforce -----signature----- Beta to Darth_Intangable "Never tell me the odds." Han Solo J/Z; K/J; T/J; T/R; T/A; J/TK; D/Z; these are my fandoms
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JainaDurron Registered: Aug '02	Date Posted: 1/2/04 9:54pm Subject: RE: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot
	I want a sequel. -----signature----- Qeryné, Handmaiden of the Crest Beta for Midnight_Jedi and Amidala_Skywalker Proud K/Jer (Rogue and Goddess); Twin Suns Lead- KDFC Winner for Best Romance Beyond the Saga, SFFA K/J is love!!!
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Eowyn_Jade Registered: Jan '03	Date Posted: 1/3/04 5:41am Subject: RE: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot
	Deneveon - well thanks again I keep reading it over and over again to try and figure out why it's so good, but I can't figure it out But I'm very flattered that you thinkg so I think I'll probably write a sequel just for your great reviews SaberBlade - Hum...I never even though of her being dead, but now that you bring it up it does sound like that for a while doesn't it? Sorry for the confusion I don't know how many more new viggies I'll be getting out soon since I've got a J/K long story going and the last part of a series of mines still needs to be completed, but I might get the sequel of this up something soon Thanks for the review! Fireyforce - ::sigh:: (lol, I actually sighed when I read your review ) You too? Well I'll see what I can do for you! Thanks for the review! JainaDurron - Okay! Fine! I'll do one! ..... Thanks for reviewing btw EJ -----signature----- "You guys are like ravenous wolves." -Devin ~ Defying Gravity ~
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Fireyforce Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 1/3/04 9:27am Subject: RE: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot
	Yay!! does hopeful sequal dance Fireyforce -----signature----- Beta to Darth_Intangable "Never tell me the odds." Han Solo J/Z; K/J; T/J; T/R; T/A; J/TK; D/Z; these are my fandoms
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Eowyn_Jade Registered: Jan '03	Date Posted: 1/5/04 2:39pm Subject: RE: I'm Still Here - J/K one shot
	up! -----signature----- "You guys are like ravenous wolves." -Devin ~ Defying Gravity ~
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