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KnightJaina Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 7/6/04 5:49pm Subject: "My Immortal" - J/TK~Post-NJO-Updated 7/25 - Date Edited: 7/25/04 6:18pm (5 edits total) Edited By: KnightJaina
	This will be my first time posting a fic that isn't a vignette...so admittedly it will be an adventure. My imagination stretched a little far in this plot, and I can only hope that it's believable. Also, I hope someone out there enjoys it. Thanks in advance for reading! Rating: PG just to be safe. Disclaimer: George Lucas owns it all. Except for the song My Immortal which is performed and owned by Evanescence. And finally, a special thank you to Jaina_Fel_15 who has already written a fic with the same title, and agreed to "share" the privilege with me. Thanks! ------------------------------------------------- Epilogue It was an ultimatum, and like with any forced choice, the end result could only be an unhappy one. The situation had gone too far, gotten out of hand, and now could not be turned about. And besides, circumstances had changed. Nothing could be done. So the Dathomiri warrior turned Queen Mother continuously told herself, turning all of her strength to rationalizing in the hopes that somehow she could bring herself to accept her duties, and face what she feared the most. Although she would only admit to very few people that anything shook her rock-solid stature, deep down in her heart she knew it would take everything she had to embrace this nightmare. Already her courage had slipped, and she swore she could not – would not – let it fall from her grasp any further. Such an act would be simply unacceptable. It would go against everything she stood for as a Queen, a warrior, and most importantly…a Jedi Knight. For, through a wild whirlwind of events, Tenel Ka Djo - esteemed Queen Mother of the Hapan cluster and honored knight in the newly established Jedi Order - found herself engaged to be married in a matter of days. And the man who would be exchanging those most sacred of vows with her that afternoon, was not the one whom she loved with all of her being... ------------------------------------------------ I know it's rather short, but I promise it does get longer. Let me know what you think. ~J. -----signature----- Reckoner - Jaina post-NJO AU: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/29946763/r29950565/ "I know what a lot of things feel like. And you know what? I'm still fighting." -Jaina
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Fireyforce Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 7/6/04 5:59pm Subject: RE: "My Immortal" - J/TK~Post-NJO
	Aw common now, you gotta post longer than that. Just kiddin, it's a really really great start! I can't wait to see more of this come around. Great job! Fireyforce -----signature----- Beta to Darth_Intangable "Never tell me the odds." Han Solo J/Z; K/J; T/J; T/R; T/A; J/TK; D/Z; these are my fandoms
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Flaming_Sword Registered: Dec '03	Date Posted: 7/6/04 6:25pm Subject: RE: "My Immortal" - J/TK~Post-NJO
	AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Good job! Any chance of a PM when you update? I'm really bad at remembering this stuff..... Flame -----signature----- Pain is weakness leaving the body. Proud K/J shipper!!
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KnightJaina Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 7/7/04 8:11am Subject: RE: "My Immortal" - J/TK~Post-NJO - Date Edited: 7/7/04 8:12am (1 edits total) Edited By: KnightJaina
	Fireyforce:Aw common now, you gotta post longer than that. Just kiddin, it's a really really great start! I can't wait to see more of this come around. Great job! I know, I know, it was frighteningly short. But I promise it does get much longer. Thanks! Flaming_Sword:AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Good job! Any chance of a PM when you update? I'm really bad at remembering this stuff..... Thanks! I will be sure to drop you a line. The next post should be up later today... -J. -----signature----- Reckoner - Jaina post-NJO AU: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/29946763/r29950565/ "I know what a lot of things feel like. And you know what? I'm still fighting." -Jaina
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Jedi_Jaina_Durron Registered: Dec '01	Date Posted: 7/7/04 10:01am Subject: RE: "My Immortal" - J/TK~Post-NJO
	Oooh! I like it! But it was too short. Is it too soon to ask for more? -----signature----- “Jacen, never stop asking questions." -Luke "The vaping lines keep moving." - Kyp "Fiction confronts you with the awesome fact that you are not the only real thing in this world." --Zadie Smith
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KnightJaina Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 7/7/04 11:00am Subject: RE: "My Immortal" - J/TK~Post-NJO
	Not at all, Jedi_Jaina_Durron! In fact, here's the next bit. And as promised it's quite a bit longer. This takes place 4 weeks before the epilogue, as will most of the story. I'll let you know when it returns to 'present time'. I hope you like it.... ------------------------------- I’m so tired of being here Suppressed by all my childish fears 4 Weeks Previous It had been yet another long and tiresome day arguing with coy diplomats and senators in the Hapan courts. The war with the Yuuzhan Vong may be over in the skies, but the battles and endless debates over war debts and the logistics behind them had just begun. Tenel Ka would have loved nothing more than to just retire to her bed chamber and fall into a relaxing meditation, but as always, duty as the supreme ruler called. A ball was scheduled for the following evening in honor of all the war veterans, and the Hapan people had offered to be the host of the memorial. It was a celebration of life, yet Tenel Ka felt as if instead they should be mourning the millions who had died. How could they be celebrating when so many had given the ultimate sacrifice? It seemed wrong and disrespectful, yet for appearances sake, she must attend. The one thing Tenel Ka could look forward to – with regards to the formal occasion – was the arrival of many of her greatest friends. The Solos, Skywalkers, Kyp Durron, and many other Jedi, as well as members of the Rogue Squadron and other respected fleets, were arriving early the next day. It would be one of the first times that they would all be gathered in the same place with no threat of the Vong looming over them. If anything, Tenel Ka was happy to have the chance to spend time with all those who mattered the most. Especially one specific young Jedi Knight…. Early morning the following day A sharp knock resounded on her chamber doors intended to wake the presumed sleeping Queen Mother. However the red-haired warrior had already been awake for quite some time, letting the crisp morning breeze blow over her as she calmly meditated. Ornately hand-crafted wooden doors hung open onto the balcony, and a dazzling sunrise shone into Tenel Ka’s bedchamber. This was her favorite time of day. Everything still lay in the quiet after-effects of the night before, and a sort of peaceful magic dampened all disruptive noises. In some ways it was the calm before the storm. A strong sense of anxiety hung over her, unsettling her concentration. “Pull yourself together,” Tenel Ka gently admonished herself. It was utterly ridiculous to get this worked up over the visit of one old friend. True, many months had passed since they had last met, but he remained as before. Just a friend. There was a deep relationship between them, yet she couldn’t see it advancing beyond friendship. Too many restrictions caused it all to be far too complicated, and at their last meeting she hadn’t felt any desire from him for something more. So Tenel Ka had done her best to suppress her own wishes, and hoped that when the time came, she could remain collected. Another knock came at her door, followed by the beep that signaled a person entering. “Excuse me, Queen Mother?” her personal attendant, Cindhal said to draw Tenel Ka’s attention, bowing from the waist down as she spoke. “I’m sorry to disturb you at such an early time, your highness, but the Chancellor is requesting an audience with you immediately. She said it was quite urgent.” Tenel Ka fought the urge to outwardly show any sign of irritation, and used a Jedi relaxation exercise to calm her nerves. She nodded, “Very well. I’ll be there shortly.” Cindhal bowed again, and then left the queen mother alone to dress. Early on in her reign, Tenel Ka had established she was more than capable of preparing herself every morning for her daily duties, and refused to accept any aid. Unless of course, her attire or headdress was too complicated fore a one-armed warrior to handle. Tenel Ka walked into her rather spacious closet, and set about the task of picking out her wardrobe for the day. She had as many plain dresses as she could hope to own under her royal status, and wore them as often as her court would possibly allow. Her position was all about appearances now, and while Tenel Ka hated that fact vehemently, there was nothing to be done. There were certain traditions that she was expected to pertain to, and the young Dathomiri warrior knew that if she were to push the limits too far, she could possibly have a mutiny on her hands. So she acted as her mother would have wished, and she never protested. For regardless of her royalty, she was still a Jedi Knight, and as such it would be dishonorable to complain. As Tenel Ka searched, her eyes fell upon an old piece of jewelry that wasn’t of any monetary value, but quite priceless in every other way. She could still remember the day that Jacen had given her the gort shell necklace as a token of their friendship. Every word, every expression was forever engrained in her memory, and no jewel would ever surpass the value of the shells. Almost subconsciously, Tenel Ka ran her fingers over the smooth necklace surface, and then she quickly fastened it around her neck. Jewelry was not something she usually cared to wear, but perhaps today would be the exception. ******* Shortly later, Tenel Ka found herself mentally preparing as she approached Chancellor Sheik’s office. The chancellor was only a few steps below her own position as Queen Mother on the ladder of the Hapan monarchy, and therefore could quite possibly be the next ruler of Hapes, should anything ever happen to Tenel Ka and she hadn’t yet produced an heir. Also, E’ta Sheik was a distant cousin of the warrior, so believed that she should rightly be the successor to the throne. At times, Tenel felt that Sheik would do almost anything to become the next Queen Mother. So, Tenel Ka rightly was wary of her cousin. It was not uncommon in the history of Hapan royalty for...'accidents' to happen, and in such a disaster’s wake a new queen mother to be enthroned. Tenel Ka was determined not to let this same fate befall her. The Dathomiri warrior steeled herself for the coming storm, and took on the posture of a confident, yet clearly defiant, ruler. Then, with no further hesitation, she strode purposefully into the Chancellor’s office. “Good morning, your highness,” Sheik exclaimed, with a noticeably forced, cheery smile, “I trust you slept well?” Tenel Ka dismissed the sardonic greeting with a wave of her hand. “You called me for a reason, Chancellor. Let’s not waste any more time than is necessary.” Sheik took it all in stride, not faltering for a moment. “Of course, Queen Mother. Of course. Please have a seat.” She indicated the chair opposite her own situated before the desk. And so the sparring match begins, Tenel Ka thought. “No thank you, Sheik. I prefer to remain standing.” Sheik, still smiling, simply nodded, and then sat down herself. It was a disrespectful move, but not unusual in the exchanges between the two cousins. Sheik would do anything possible to undermine Tenel Ka’s authority, and made no effort to conceal this fact. Without further preamble, Sheik said, “As you may know, Queen Mother, as well as being the chancellor of this fine planetary government, I also find great joy in solving riddles. Just last night I finally discovered the key to one of my more recent puzzles.” Tenel Ka disinterestedly held Sheik’s gaze steadily, but inwardly frowned. Where was she taking this? “You see, a few weeks ago I stumbled across a piece of old flimsi with a rather intriguing message encrypted on it.” Tenel Ka hardly believed the Chancellor had so innocently 'stumbled' into this message, but she made no comment. “And just last night I managed to decode it after days of failed attempts,” Sheik paused in feinted hesitation. “Much to my surprise, the message was quite directly related to you, and….” She paused again. “Well maybe you should read it for yourself.” In an almost predatory manner she thrust the flimsi-plast sheet in the Queen Mother’s direction. Feeling an odd sense of foreboding overwhelming her, and at the same time fighting to control it, Tenel Ka took the proffered flimsy. Her gray eyes quickly scanned the previously encoded message, and as she read her heart clenched further. She felt her temper rising, and with ire burning in her eyes, she turned on Sheik. “What is the meaning of this?!” Her cousin’s coy, playful attitude had been replaced with an icy stare. “I thought it was fairly obvious.” ------------------------------------------ I'm not terribly fond of this portion, but it needed to be written to set up the stage for the rest of the story. Let me know what you think. -J. -----signature----- Reckoner - Jaina post-NJO AU: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/29946763/r29950565/ "I know what a lot of things feel like. And you know what? I'm still fighting." -Jaina
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DarthIshtar Title: Former CR Registered: Mar '01	Date Posted: 7/7/04 11:28am Subject: RE: "My Immortal" - J/TK~Post-NJO-Updated 7/7
	Hmm, what's on the flimsi and she also saw a certain Knight the night before, when the riddle was solved. Elementary, my dear watson, that we want more. -----signature----- "I feel like a more down-to-earth Pink 5 when I'm writing Leah. Same attitude, less lip gloss." ~Me on how to get in the right mindset for Twilight fanfic.
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KnightJaina Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 7/7/04 2:07pm Subject: RE: "My Immortal" - J/TK~Post-NJO-Updated 7/7
	DarthIshtar:Hmm, what's on the flimsi and she also saw a certain Knight the night before, when the riddle was solved. Elementary, my dear watson, that we want more. All will be revealed in good time... Thanks for reading! -J. -----signature----- Reckoner - Jaina post-NJO AU: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/29946763/r29950565/ "I know what a lot of things feel like. And you know what? I'm still fighting." -Jaina
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bladex2 Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 7/7/04 5:46pm Subject: RE: "My Immortal" - J/TK~Post-NJO-Updated 7/7
	Hey...not bad...not bad! -----signature----- Galactic Defenders:A Jedi Order-Former padawan of Kev-Mas_Colcha Jedi Knight-Lvl 5/Jedi Outcasts:Preventer 2 "Si vis pacem, para bellum."- "If you want peace, prepare for war!"-Vegetius Jaden Haneck:Demon Hunter
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KnightJaina Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 7/8/04 7:41am Subject: RE: "My Immortal" - J/TK~Post-NJO-Updated 7/7
	Thank you bladex2-glad you like it! I'll have the next piece up sometime tomorrow. -J. -----signature----- Reckoner - Jaina post-NJO AU: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/29946763/r29950565/ "I know what a lot of things feel like. And you know what? I'm still fighting." -Jaina
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KnightJaina Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 7/9/04 11:22am Subject: RE: "My Immortal" - J/TK~Post-NJO-Updated 7/7
	As promised... ______________________________________________________ And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave Later That Day Ships of various shapes and sizes had begun arriving into the Hapes Cluster by mid-day. Everything was planned and under control. Attendants, servants, cooks, guards, and the entire staff of the royal palace hadn’t left any detail to chance, and felt that the prepared celebration would be a complete success. But to the dismay of the queen mother, her inner-turmoil was anything but under control. She felt her emotions crashing together like a Kamino hurricane. Tenel Ka hadn’t felt this caged since first accepting the crown, and she felt sure that when she was confronted by her friends, her formidable shields wouldn’t conceal the anger and confusion tumbling within her. Heading to meet her friends, Tenel Ka wished she had had a chance to meditate before the evening commenced, unfortunately time would wait for no one. And neither would her guests. So she settled with simply breathing, and avoided thinking of the moment when her eyes would first meet Jacen’s… It had been timed perfectly. All the most prominent figures in the war with the Yuuzhan Vong – namely the Solos, Skywalkers, Kyp Durron, Jag Fel, Danni Quee, Tahiri Veila, and so on – all arrived within minutes of each other, and it was this group that Tenel Ka especially wished to greet. They approached the palace by the main entrance. Tenel Ka waited for them there at the top of the marble staircase which led up to it. A sort of ecstatic joy infected the group of comrades. All of them were grinning and light-heartedly joking and laughing as they walked. Finally the devastating war was over, and a great weight had been lifted from their souls. Much had to be coordinated to start rebuilding and recovering in the weeks to come, but for these few short days, it all could be set aside. It was time for a more personal re-growth. And the best place for that was in the presence of great friends. “Greetings!” Tenel Ka said once they were within hearing distance. She was pleased to find that her voice seemed to be steady and sound normal. (Though she still had not found the courage to look directly at Jacen.) “Welcome to Hapes. I am glad you all were able to come and hope you’re in good health.” Following formalities, everyone bowed before her, but she quickly waved it away. In her eyes, these people should be the ones to whom all should bow. For they were the true royalty and heroes of the Republic. “Please allow my attendants to show you to your respective rooms, where you can freshen up before this evening. You are all welcome to wander throughout the palace as you choose, and please do not hesitate to ask for whatever you may need.” As she spoke, Tenel Ka led them into the grand atrium. Several servants awaited them there. “I do not wish to detain you any longer than is necessary; you must be tired from your trip.” She signaled for the servants to take over. Some of her friends left almost immediately, while others stayed behind to give Tenel Ka a more personal greeting. Outside the boundaries of protocol, Jaina stepped forward and gave her a hug, and a few followed her lead. Warm words were exchanged – all awkwardness having fallen away – and slowly the group dispersed. All except one. Throughout the entire episode, Jacen Solo had hung to the back, simply observing. It had been far too long since the two had really been in contact with one another, and Jacen felt speaking one-on-one was the best approach. Tenel Ka and Jacen had faced a lifetime of mishaps together, and he knew her too well to not have noticed the anguish surrounding her. From her perspective though, Tenel Ka wanted nothing more than to flee. She had not had the time to prepare herself for this encounter yet, and was afraid she would break down before this young man, who meant so much to her. “So Tenel Ka, how’s it going?” His laidback, and almost joking manner threw the warrior girl off before she could even think of an appropriate way to begin this indefinite moment. Quickly gathering herself, she turned to walk back to her quarters and prepare for the celebration. Jacen, of course, followed. Moments passed in total silence before: “Are you always this talkative? Or is it just my charming nature?” It was incredible how some things never seemed to change. Even after everything, it appeared Jacen Solo’s humor still remained intact. Tenel Ka finally found her voice and answered, “I simply have a lot on my mind.” “So I can imagine. Planning a big extravaganza and ruling 63 worlds couldn’t possibly be easy.” You have no idea, Tenel Ka thought, but said, “I can hardly take credit for everything. I have much help.” “Don’t sell yourself short,” Jacen replied. “We all know how much you’ve put into this, and only respect you more for your effort.” Tenel Ka – quite beyond her usual clerical state of mind – couldn’t help but notice how tall Jacen was. There had been a time when she had had a height advantage over him, but now he was the one towering over her. Also, his face was different. He seemed...weary. Weary and old. He was but twenty-one years of age, but from the lines and scars on his face, he appeared almost fifty. Tenel Ka shook her head to clear away the idle thoughts, and returned her focus back to the task at hand. It appeared she had forgotten where her quarters were. Jacen glanced down at her smiling slightly. “You seem lost.” “Of course not,” Tenel Ka snapped, ashamed of her apparent lack of sense. Minutes in his company and already she was losing herself. “I am simply leading you first to your room, and then I will continue on to my own.” It was a good cover-up. He smiled and nodded. Somehow he was unconvinced, but nonetheless. “Aha. That’s very prudent of you.” The Dathomiri warrior - overwhelmed by the events of the day, and feeling frustrated and upset with it all – turned and let her anger loose. “Do not mock me. Why do you insist on constantly joking about every little thing? Does it never grow old for you?” Jacen faced her, holding his hands up defensively, “I’m sorry. I was only trying to lighten your mood.” “Well why don’t you go lighten the mood of someone else. I am busy, with much to do before tonight.” Anger was still smoldering inside her, and while she wasn’t truly upset with Jacen, he was a present outlet for her frustration. “Why don’t you just say what you wish to say and stop detaining me from my duties.” The Jedi Knight studied her face for a moment before answering. “Alright. Why is it that you haven’t yet looked at me?” That wasn’t exactly what she had been expecting. “What do you mean? I’ve looked at you. I’m looking at you now.” “No,” Jacen countered. “You’ve looked behind me, you’ve looked through me, but you haven’t really looked at me. Why?” Tenel Ka shook her head, “This is ridiculous, Jacen. You’re just being paranoid.” “No,” he said once again. “Tenel Ka, look at me.” He gently lifted her chin with his hand, and finally she met his gaze. In his eyes was a powerful fire of strength - and worry. Worry for her. “What’s wrong?” Tenel Ka couldn’t find her breath. It was too intense. The passion contained in his eyes was so intense she felt herself drowning inside them. “I…” her voice faltered. “I can’t tell you. Please, Jacen.” Her heart was breaking. She had to get away. This was why she had fought so hard to avoid him. This was why she had to escape now. Her destiny was already decided, and she had no control over it. With all the strength she could muster, Tenel Ka pulled free from his hold and took a step back. She kept her eyes strictly fixed to the floor; her breathing was heavy. “Please don’t.” Then she fled. ______________________________________________________ Personally I like this post much more than the last one, but almost fear that it is too long. What do you all think? Constructive criticism is always welcome. Let me know! -J. -----signature----- Reckoner - Jaina post-NJO AU: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/29946763/r29950565/ "I know what a lot of things feel like. And you know what? I'm still fighting." -Jaina
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Flaming_Sword Registered: Dec '03	Date Posted: 7/9/04 11:45am Subject: RE: "My Immortal" - J/TK~Post-NJO-Updated 7/9
	good!! thanks for the pm! and link worked! Very good posts! -----signature----- Pain is weakness leaving the body. Proud K/J shipper!!
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KnightJaina Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 7/9/04 5:33pm Subject: RE: "My Immortal" - J/TK~Post-NJO-Updated 7/9
	Flaming Sword: Yay! I was a little worried the link would be stubborn. Glad you liked it...thanks for reading! -J. -----signature----- Reckoner - Jaina post-NJO AU: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/29946763/r29950565/ "I know what a lot of things feel like. And you know what? I'm still fighting." -Jaina
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green_eyes Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 7/9/04 10:08pm Subject: RE: "My Immortal" - J/TK~Post-NJO-Updated 7/9
	New reader here. I definitely don't think this post was too long. What a great story. I love Jacen and Tenal Ka stories. Please write more and make them long just like this one. Poor TK what did that mean cousin do to her? Why can't she face Jacen? When can we expect more> green_eyes
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KnightJaina Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 7/10/04 7:27am Subject: RE: "My Immortal" - J/TK~Post-NJO-Updated 7/9
	green eyes - Welcome! Thanks for giving me your input, and I believe you're in luck. It looks like most - if not all - of the posts will be equally as long. What can I say, I'm long-winded. Anyway, it's great to have you here! (I promise that all your questions will be answered in time...) The next post should be up either Sunday night, or Monday morning. Thanks for reading! -J. -----signature----- Reckoner - Jaina post-NJO AU: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/29946763/r29950565/ "I know what a lot of things feel like. And you know what? I'm still fighting." -Jaina
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KnightJaina Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 7/13/04 11:51am Subject: RE: "My Immortal" - J/TK~Post-NJO-Updated 7/9
	This is coming a little bit later than I anticipated. Sorry about the delay! The tenses in this post are somewhat screwy, so I apologize for any confusion. It starts with Tenel Ka at the celebration, then flashs back to what happened after she left Jacen standing in the hallway. Initally it was supposed to be a lot longer, but as I typed it up I realized that it would work better chopped up a bit. So there should be more following soon. Once again, I'd love to hear your feedback/suggestions/criticism. Thanks! ______________________________________________________ Your presence still lingers here And it won’t leave me alone The colors were dazzling. Usually such a vast amount of precious jewels could only be found in secured vaults, but tonight was a special night. And it appeared no one had spared any expenses. Glow globes had been strategically placed throughout the ballroom, and a somewhat magical atmosphere was the result. The light reflected off the thousands of gems; mini rainbows gleamed onto hundreds of surfaces; and one lone young woman watched all of it as if witnessing a dream. She did not walk through the crowd. She floated, as if pulled along by a cord. The constant din that saturated every corner didn’t quite permeate her core. Rather it echoed dimly around here. She felt oddly detached from her emotions; from the people around her; from….everything. The entire universe and all it’s complexities. And she realized that perhaps suppressing so much, and keeping herself bottled up completely inside wasn’t the best course of action. Tenel Ka’s eyes skimmed the multitude of people around her, taking in information with every glance. Jaina was dancing with her father, Han, looking gorgeous in an elaborate gown made in the Hapan style. She always had a certain amount of loveliness about her, but even when wearing clothing that seemed so foreign upon her figure, it only accentuated her beauty further. Leia – her husband already accounted for – stood nearby chatting with Kyp Durron, and quite surprisingly actually smiling. It was common knowledge that the two hadn’t always seen eye-to-eye. Luke and Mara likewise were dancing. It appeared that Ben was either asleep in their room, being dutifully watched by a nanny droid, or was off tormenting C-3PO and R2-D2 somewhere. Finally her eyes settled on Jacen. To her dismay, jealously spiked through her heart as she noticed him standing with Danni Quee. They seemed to be laughing over some joke or comment, and this only caused Tenel Ka more pain. No! she told herself firmly. It’s better this way. For a flash of an instant Jacen’s eyes flitted over to meet Tenel Ka’s, and for the first time in years she was unable to read what was within them. Confusion? Sadness? Relief? Anything? She knew that the sooner their relationship became more distant, the easier it would be for him to accept what she had to inevitably tell him. Of course, that didn’t mean her heart wouldn’t break with every step she took to create that distance. They hadn’t spoken to one another since the encounter in the hallway. Tenel Ka had fled with no clear idea of where she intended to go. She just ran. To the garden. The roof. Even through the kitchens. Eventually however, her legs took her to her chamber – where she really needed to be. The events of the evening would wait for no one. As she prepared, Tenel Ka couldn’t help but think of everything that had taken place in the past 12 hours. It was like watching a holovid playing on a loop. It started with her meditating, then played over her meeting with Sheik, and ended with her conversation with Jacen. Afterwards it played again, but ever so slightly quicker. With every repeat it got faster, until it ended in a whirlwind-like climax that left Tenel Ka’s head reeling. She had to pull herself together. The questions flowing through her mind had to be stifled for the time being before she quite literally drove herself mad. Sheik had produced a means to be rid of Tenel Ka that was, admittedly, very obscure. Yet, despite the obscurity, it was no less sacred. Tenel Ka - before that morning – had never known of it, but she knew in her heart that the signatures inscribed at the bottom of the document, binding its legality, were genuine. There was no escaping it. Tenel Ka shook her head to clear the thoughts. This was no time for self-pity. The queen mother had called in Cindhal to help her with the rather complicated gown set aside for the evening. As she sat before the vanity mirror, and Cindhal applied her make-up, Tenel Ka’s mind turned back to thoughts of Jacen. His smile. The way his hair always seemed to be an unruly mess. How lost she could become gazing into the depths of his eyes. His terrible jokes. She knew what she had to do. She hated what she had to do. But nevertheless, it must be done. Cindhal finished her task, bowed, and left Tenel Ka in peace. The red-haired warrior took a deep breath to steady her pounding hear, and began the inevitable. Ever so slowly she closed the deep bond that had long ago formed between her and Jacen Solo. Not a lot, but just enough to start the process. With every passing day she would pull back a bit more. And before long, nothing deeper would remain but a basic bond of friendship. -----signature----- Reckoner - Jaina post-NJO AU: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/29946763/r29950565/ "I know what a lot of things feel like. And you know what? I'm still fighting." -Jaina
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