Jedi Council Forums - Trapped (J/J)

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Author	Topic: Trapped (J/J)
FelsGoddess Registered: Sep '04	Date Posted: 9/5/04 8:45pm Subject: Trapped (J/J)
	Chapter 1 Colonel Jagged Fel stood staring out a viewport on the base on Mon Calamari, forehead pressed against the window. General Wedge Antilles, Han Solo, Princess Leia Organa Solo, and Kyp Durron all stared him worridly. Word of Jaina Solo’s death had been a crushing blow to all, but Han and Leia did not understand why it had such a horrible effect on Jag. Jag could feel them staring at him. “She was my wife,” he said turning to face them, “We’ve been married for six months.” Han and Leia stared at him, mouths agape. They were shocked. Wedge rested a hand on his nephew’s shoulder. “There’s more, but I hesitate to tell you,” a lone tear ran down his cheek, “Jaina was three and a half months pregnant.” If possible, Han and Leia’s mouth’s dropped even more. Jag turned briskly and hurried out of the room. He made it to him and Jaina’s quarters shortly. He fell onto the bed and began to cry. “Oh Jaina, why did you leave me?” -----signature----- Knighted by Tahi
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Jaina_Solo_59 Registered: Aug '04	Date Posted: 9/5/04 10:16pm Subject: RE: Trapped (J/J)
	GREAT FIRST CHAPTER -----signature----- "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." Dr. Seuss
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green_eyes Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 9/6/04 10:02am Subject: RE: Trapped (J/J)
	Very interesting first chapter. Kinda short though. What a shock. They have been secretly married for 6 months and Jaina was 3 months pregnant. I hope that she isn't actually dead. Please post soon and more. green_eyes
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DarthIshtar Title: Former CR Registered: Mar '01	Date Posted: 9/6/04 10:08am Subject: RE: Trapped (J/J)
	Wow, way to start off something rather suspenseful! -----signature----- "I feel like a more down-to-earth Pink 5 when I'm writing Leah. Same attitude, less lip gloss." ~Me on how to get in the right mindset for Twilight fanfic.
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JAGSGURL15 Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 9/6/04 10:19am Subject: RE: Trapped (J/J)
	awesome job.. more please please please NOW! -----signature----- Mush Queen of TKL's LOMIN ALE WRAITHS Living In DE'NILE i <3 JJ REDICK ~&NY YANKEES&~ (((DUKE BLUE DEVILS)))
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CapNJaxWench Registered: Jul '04	Date Posted: 9/6/04 11:54am Subject: RE: Trapped (J/J)
	Cool, I hope you'll add more soon. -----signature----- But you have heard of me, right?
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Elfsheen Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 9/6/04 1:12pm Subject: RE: Trapped (J/J)
	Hmmm. It is interesting. If not for a couple of things. It's very short. It's very over dramatic. And maybe it's not your intention, but Jag comes over as a kid of 16 who just gambled his car away. Before you continue this story you need to take a good look into characters and personalities. My advice, this story has potential, but you need to mature it. Both in story and in writing. -----signature----- You're the worst hallucination ever!!! I'm not crazy I just have a second consciousness in my brain Double Oh Fang
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Lt_Jaina_Solo Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 9/6/04 3:14pm Subject: RE: Trapped (J/J)
	I agree with alot of what Elfsheen said. This reads more like a teaser than an actual post, without much background to flesh it out. I'm looking forward to seeing what else you do with this, but it does need some work. Interesting beginning though ~LtJS -----signature----- Handmaiden Irelynné, Handmaiden of the Crest All links to stories in bio!
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DarthIshtar Title: Former CR Registered: Mar '01	Date Posted: 9/6/04 3:20pm Subject: RE: Trapped (J/J)
	Definitely teaser-length. Agree with elfsheen. -----signature----- "I feel like a more down-to-earth Pink 5 when I'm writing Leah. Same attitude, less lip gloss." ~Me on how to get in the right mindset for Twilight fanfic.
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Jaina_and_Jag Registered: Apr '03	Date Posted: 9/6/04 3:58pm Subject: RE: Trapped (J/J) - Date Edited: 9/6/04 4:03pm (2 edits total) Edited By: Jaina_and_Jag
	Oh, wow! Gripping beginning, although it was a bit blunt. I have to agree with the others about the length though, it was definitely teaser length. I can't wait to see what you do with this though!
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FelsGoddess Registered: Sep '04	Date Posted: 9/6/04 7:16pm Subject: RE: Trapped (J/J)
	Chapter 2 A month had gone by since Jaina’s passing. Jag completed his tasks on autopilot. He was only seen when he was working. Once his duties were over, he went to his quarters and stayed there. Wedge was getting worried about his nephew. He was very unemotional and had the least amount of social interaction as possible. Wedge’s comm beeped. “Yes?” “Sir? Colonel Fel has not reported for patrol.” Wedge frowned. This was VERY unlike Jag. He was never late for anything. “I’ll see if I can fine him.” Jag sat down on his and Jania’s bed. The pain just got worse and worse everyday. He picked up a bottle of painkillers off the nightstand. There were five left. He would have to sneak some out of the med ward again tomorrow before his patrol. He swallowed them quickly. He had taken twenty an hour ago. Not much longer until they would consume him into the welcome bliss of darkness. Wedge rang the door chime to Jag’s quarters, but there was no answer. His comm was also turned off. Wedge opened the door. He was shocked to see Jag lying on the floor, passed out. He ran over to his nephew and check his heartbeat. It was decreasing. He called a medical team. He found an empty bottle of painkillers on the floor. “Oh Jag,” Wedge breathed. He knew his nephew had been hurting but he never imagined that he would do this. The med team arrived a few minutes later and took him away. Jag awoke in a sterile white room. His uncle was sitting in a chair next to his bed. He looked quizzically at Wedge. “Why am I here?” “You overdosed on painkillers. I found you after your second-in-command told me you were late for patrol,” Wedge explained, “Jag, why?” Jag swallowed nervously, “I don’t know. Jaina had them from her injury awhile back. I found them in the medicine cabinet and the mere thought of the pain going away was too much to ignore.” “We could have helped you Jag. There are so many people who care about you.” His eyes narrowed, “Nobody has any idea what it’s like. I lost my wife and my child in the same day. The same day. My entire world has crashed down on me. Jaina wanted to tell everyone about our baby and wedding together, after that battle. She-“ His voice broke. He slammed his eyes shut, refusing to cry. He just wanted to slip back into the welcome darkness. “Jag, you could have killed yourself.” “You really think that matters to me now? If I died at this moment, I would not care. So what if we lose the war with the Vong?” “Jagged Fel! You cannot believe that. Jaina’s sacrifice was not in vain.” Jag would have retorted, but he was going through withdrawal. He was shaking and his heart rate flew up. Wedge called the medics in to stabilize him. He left the med ward after making sure he was okay. The doctors told him that Jag was suffering extreme addiction and psychological disorders. He needed constant care, care that could not be given to him at a time of war. Wedge sat down at the comm station in his office. He had to make a call he hoped he never would have to make. Syal Fel was surprised to see her brother. “Wedge!” “Hello Syal. It’s been a long time. Is Soontir around?” “Yes. What’s wrong? Is Jag-“ “No, Jag isn’t dead.” Words couldn’t describe the relief she felt. “’Tir!” Soontir Fel ran into the room, alarmed by his wife’s tone. “What?” “Wedge had something to tell us. I-I think it’s about Jag. He’s not dead.” Soontir breathed a sigh of relief, “What is it?” Wedge took a deep breath, “I don’t suppose you knew about your son’s relationship with Jaina Solo?” “No.” “He married her six months ago,” he paused, letting the news sink it, “She was recently killed on a mission.” “Oh no,” Syal breathed. “It gets worse. She was three months pregnant. Jag told us after she died.” “Oh my stars,” Syal breathed. Soontir was still in shock. “How is Jagged?” “Not well. The other day his second in command informed me that he was late for patrol. I went to check on him and found him in his quarters, on the floor passed out. Your son had become addicted to pain killers. He requires 24 hour care, care that we can’t give him while fighting a war,” Wedge explained the best he could. Tears poured down Syal’s face, “How long?” “The doctor’s have figured for about a month, right after Jaina died. Jag fell apart. He lost both his wife and his unborn children in the same day.” “Children?” Soontir said, having not spoken during the entire exchange. “Jaina was pregnant with twins. We need to send Jag home, but he can’t fly. Is there anyway you can come and get him?” Syal nodded, still crying, “We’ll leave right away.” “Then I will let you go. I am so sorry, Syal. I had hoped we would speak for the first time after all these years on better terms,” Wedge broke the connection. “Oh ‘Tir,” Syal collapsed in his arms, “our son. My beautiful son.” He held his wife while she cried, tears filling his own eyes. “Come on, we need to go.” She nodded. They were gone in less than an hour. The Fels arrived a few days later. Jag was still in the med ward going through severe withdrawal. Wedge met them at the docking bay. He eloped Syal in a hug. “I’ve missed you so much.” She didn’t respond. “Where is Jagged?” Soontir asked. Wedge led him to the med ward. Jag was lying in bed staring at the ceiling. His face was expressionless. His skin was pale and he had lost a lot of weight. “Oh Jag,’ Syal breathed and rushed to her son’s side. He turned to face her, his eyes glassy. “Mom?” His voice was scratchy. She hugged him tightly, “We’re taking you home.” -----signature----- Knighted by Tahi
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DarthIshtar Title: Former CR Registered: Mar '01	Date Posted: 9/6/04 7:23pm Subject: RE: Trapped (J/J)
	Well, yeah, I'd be depressed after that, too. So much breathing conversation. -----signature----- "I feel like a more down-to-earth Pink 5 when I'm writing Leah. Same attitude, less lip gloss." ~Me on how to get in the right mindset for Twilight fanfic.
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Elfsheen Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 9/7/04 1:25am Subject: RE: Trapped (J/J)
	Definitely an improvement. it's a very sad post. I'm glad to see it's longer. A few tips (again ) Character development and background. When you write a story, even if the characters are already wel known, you still sort of introduce them. Also give a little background on what's going on. We only have a glimps. Also, people are strong and self conscious, try to ease in the sobbing and crying. Further, you jump. Especially in the beginning we don't know if you're seeing it from Jag or Wedge point of view. You do it in the rest of the story too. Give a little trangression to the next scene. Last, details. It takes a relatively long time for people to be hooked on painkillers and it's an addiction so they try to hide it. Even if people know about them, they try to deny it. If you twist things around you get a non credible story. I'm not trying to haresh you with this, I'm only trying to give you constructive criticism so you can inprove the story and your writing. Somehow I like this story and I'm a K/J fan -----signature----- You're the worst hallucination ever!!! I'm not crazy I just have a second consciousness in my brain Double Oh Fang
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Jagsgrl412 Registered: Aug '04	Date Posted: 9/7/04 3:32am Subject: RE: Trapped (J/J)
	I thought the story was great it's so sad. -----signature----- "I love you Jaina, please come back to me" I Love Jaggie!! 64 bottles of lomin ale on the wall! 64 bottles of ale! You take one down pass it around 63 bottles of Lomin ale on the wall!
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green_eyes Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 9/7/04 5:59am Subject: RE: Trapped (J/J)
	I'm glad this was a longer post. The story line you have is very interesting. I think you have a good base to your story. I am not a writer so I don't feel that I can give you advice or criticism. I hope that you will take the advice that others with experience give you, and not take it that you should stop writting. I can't wait to see where you take this story. Jaina and Jag are among my favorites, and I always enjoy reading about them. Keep up the good work. green_eyes
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Jaina_Solo_59 Registered: Aug '04	Date Posted: 9/7/04 4:44pm Subject: RE: Trapped (J/J)
	OMG! how could he !! Oh Jaggie! Great post. ~!JS59!~ -----signature----- "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." Dr. Seuss
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