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Author	Topic: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7) (Updated 7/8!)
ROTS_Obi1 Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 7/7/05 6:48pm Subject: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7) (Updated 7/8!) - Date Edited: 7/8/05 10:35am (2 edits total) Edited By: ROTS_Obi1
	Welcome everyone! This is now my 4th Fanfic here. Hope you enjoy. Title- The Battle for Hin Bon Characters- Saesee Tinn, Mace Windu, Kit Fisto, Plo Koon Genre- Action/Adventure PROLOGUE The rocky planet of Hin Bon, located on the outer rim, has been occupied by the Confederacy of Independent Systems. Led by General Greivous, a menacing part robot part alien, strikes fear into the locals. Chancellor Palpatine leader of the Galactic Senate, orders a large scale assault on Hin Bon. CHAPTER 1- The Preparation Cold, rainy, are the conditions of Coruscant. Right now it is as gloomy as the war itself. Jedi Master Saesee Tinn, received orders to lead the biggestspace assault so far in the war. A big responsibilty? Thousands upon thousands of Clone Troopers are boarding giant space cruisers. And Master Windu said the Jedi are peacekeepers? Saesee Tinn thought not. Saesee Tinn approached a Republic Cruiser to try and get on. After getting on, he headed towards the main hanger bay. Infront of his eyes lay the Advanced Jedi Starfighter. This is the orders best technology, he thought! "It's all yours, sir", said a clone pilot. "Thankyou", replied Saesee Tinn. Suddenly the hanger doors started to close. Saesee took one last look at the giant city. It may be his last. Saesee made his way to the briefing room. There he told the commanders the battle plans. "Once we get out of hyperspace, I want all of our ARC-170's to fly out of the main hanger under my command". "We will then give cover to the Gunships and assault ships heading down towards the planet". "Once we land get out of your ships, and get to the forward command camp, I will then give you forward orders, Understood?". "Yes Sir", hundreds of Clone commanders and pilots said at once. As the cruisers went into hyperspace, it would take them about two weeks to reach Hin Bon. Two whole weeks, thought Saesee Tinn. CHAPTER II- The long wait It's been 6 days since they left Coruscant, 6 days and still 8 more to go, thought Saesee. Saesee decided to go down to his sleeping quarters and contact his friend Kit Fisto, via holonet. Saesee turns on his Holonet epuipment and waits for Kit to respond. Minutes pass and still no word from Kit. Well, he is halfway across the galaxy on Mon Calamari, maybe it's still sending the message to him, thought Saesee. More minutes passed. Beep. Beep. Beep. He finally responded! "I got your message", said Kit Fisto. "Good luck on the conquest for Hin Bon", joked Kit. "In my experiece theres no such thing as luck", said Saesee. "Haha, well anyway, all is going good on Mon Calamari, me and Commander Rosche just captured crime lord Vitte Mouwie". " That's excellent news", replied Saesee. "Yah, I guess", said Kit. "Listen, Kit, this invasion is making me wonder", said Saesee in a dull tone. " Wonder about what?", said Kit in question. "Wonder if this invasion is right, or not". "What do you mean?" "Well, the Chancellor just orders the biggest invasion in history for no reason". "I mean, couldn't he have sended some diplomats first?" "Hey, you're right", replied Kit. "It's not that I don't like the Chancellor, I respect him, but this is just a little, oh I donno, weird". "I agree". -----signature----- I'm a man of my word- Joker. Go Chicago Bears!
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ROTS_Obi1 Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 7/7/05 7:16pm Subject: RE: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7)
	Comments are welcome! PLEASE! No lurking! Thankyou! Tell me whats right and wrong with the story! ROTS_Obi1 -----signature----- I'm a man of my word- Joker. Go Chicago Bears!
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ROTS_Obi1 Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 7/7/05 7:17pm Subject: RE: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7) - Date Edited: 7/7/05 7:18pm (1 edits total) Edited By: ROTS_Obi1
	(no message) -----signature----- I'm a man of my word- Joker. Go Chicago Bears!
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windu-the-warrior Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 7/7/05 7:23pm Subject: RE: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7)
	very nice start....but could you be a bit more descriptive?? or is that for later on....good work by the way... -----signature----- http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/19642533/?2 a story about Mace and Anakin....
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ROTS_Obi1 Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 7/7/05 7:28pm Subject: RE: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7)
	More descriptive I will try to be. -----signature----- I'm a man of my word- Joker. Go Chicago Bears!
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ROTS_Obi1 Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 7/7/05 8:02pm Subject: RE: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7)
	CHAPTER III- The Unsespecting arrival Two more long days to go, thought Saesee. Space is cold, very cold. Especially for an Iktotchi, who is native to warm worlds. He could hear footsteps approaching his quarters. A clone trooper with red markings waalks into the silent and desolent room. "Commander". "What news do you have to bring"? "Sir, Master Windu wants to make immediate contact with you"! Saesee rushes out of the room at the speed of a Gundark. He hurries down the endless corridors filled with leisuring Clonetroopers enjoying their off time, for now. Saesee approaches the Com center communication room, and notices the giant hologram of Master Windu. "Master Windu", says Saesee Tinn as he bows in respect. "Master Tinn, we have some vital information that may be important to you and your fleet". "Very well master, go on". "We have sent a group of Clone spies to the moon by the planet Hin Bon, there the clones have traced a massive trade route from the moon to Hin Bon. The spies saw the civilians being forces to work, mining ores all over the moon. The Clone spies took a sample of this ore without being noticed. This rare ore is, Kaphdite, which is often used as a cloaking device." "Yes master, but I don't understand", said Saesee Tinn. "Be carful, extremely carful, I sense something very strange". "Yes Master Windu, I feel it also, but what?" "I'm not sure, but all I'm telling you is to be carful. My forces and I are right behind you. Master Windu out". End of transmission, said the Holonet machine. "Sir, we are almost ready to drop out of hyperspace", said Clone Commander Pyron. "Understood", replied Saesee Tinn. "All men to their ships", yells Clones from all over the ship. Saesee made his way the main hanger. Clones were running all over place. Saesee saw his dull green Jedi Starfighter Advanced up ahead. He made his way around the Clones and ARC-170's, finally reaching his destination. As he got in the cockpit he thought he was the first person to use this new ship, lets hope I don't have a burnout. The large hanger doors flew open. "All ships Go", yell some random clone pilot instructors. Saesee pushes some buttons, straps his seatbelts, holds the throttle down, and flys out of the massive cruiser. * On the surface of the planet, General Grievous looks through his giant telescope and sees the republic ships emerging from space. "Open, the cloaking device, let them see how powerful we are"! "Yes, sir", says a battle droid commanding the forces above the planet. * As Saesee flys out of the cruiser and with the whole squadron of ARC-170's behind him he notices a huge metal structure emerge from no where! "Shields up, everyone"! -----signature----- I'm a man of my word- Joker. Go Chicago Bears!
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CountCuckoo Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 7/7/05 8:17pm Subject: RE: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7)
	Pretty good Obi1 wonder what's going to happen next -----signature----- I like me.
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ROTS_Obi1 Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 7/7/05 8:20pm Subject: RE: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7)
	I'm going to update tomorrow morning, probably. Stay tuned. ROTS_Obi1 -----signature----- I'm a man of my word- Joker. Go Chicago Bears!
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ROTS_Obi1 Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 7/8/05 10:34am Subject: RE: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7)
	CHAPTER IV- The Battle Above Hin Bon The massive metal structure continued to get large and larger. It had giant laser beam guns on all over it. "Lock S-Foils in attack Positions", said a clone pilot. "Protect the Gunships", said Saesee Tinn in a meaningful tone. Suddenly hundreds of droid ships flew out of a giant metal hanger on the huge space station. Laser bolts fly everywhere! "I'm hit!", yells a clone pilot. Vulture droids and droid Tri-Fighters start their attack on the convoy of ARC-170's. Saesee Tinn dodges fire in his Advanced Jedi Starfighter. Saesee then does a complete 360* circle and begins his attack run on a few Vulture droids. He holds down the trigger and releases. BAM! One down two to go. The Vulture droids fly under a Republic Cruiser. Saesee Tinn manages to dodge the giant Cruiser by about two feet. Explosions fill the emptiness of space. "General Tinn. We've successfully managed to give cover to the gunships, where are you?" "I'm still in space trying to get away from these Vulture Droids!" "We'll be waiting for you at the forward command camp". BAM! Two down one to go. Saesee finds the Vulture Droid on his target. "Gotcha". A massive explosion fills the area. "I'm coming, commander". Saesee continued down towards the planet, dodging fire. -----signature----- I'm a man of my word- Joker. Go Chicago Bears!
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Sekotian_Jedi Registered: Feb '05	Date Posted: 7/8/05 2:48pm Subject: RE: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7) (Updated 7/8!) - Date Edited: 7/8/05 2:54pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Sekotian_Jedi
	Good start... Just try to make it more Story formated. More detail and also, describe and show emotion and fleet movement... You should try reading some of the X-wing novels or NJO books so you can get a feel for battle stories... [also] Don't constantly update your Fic so frequently. Take time on each post for quality control. -----signature----- There will always be someone to recognize another's hard work... [=-=FanFics=-=] http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=19833992&replies=0 [updated: Dec 23] http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=22645782&brd=10476
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ROTS_Obi1 Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 7/8/05 2:59pm Subject: RE: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7) (Updated 7/8!)
	Thanks for the comments and tips. -----signature----- I'm a man of my word- Joker. Go Chicago Bears!
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Rilwen_Shadowflame Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 7/8/05 6:54pm Subject: RE: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7) (Updated 7/8!)
	Its good, though it could still be improved. I like it. -----signature----- Sith Master in the Acolytes of Darkness ~Sith Trials Lvl 9 Sith Warrior- Sith Assassin~ Count Dooku in the Sleepy Game "You're always combative. You could be saying "I love you, dearest!" and make it look like a threat/insult."-Jello
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CountCuckoo Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 7/8/05 8:36pm Subject: RE: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7) (Updated 7/8!)
	Yes I agree with sekot It's good -----signature----- I like me.
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ROTS_Obi1 Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 7/9/05 1:27pm Subject: RE: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7) (Updated 7/8!)
	Thankyou everyone for the comments. It shall be updated tomorrow some time. -----signature----- I'm a man of my word- Joker. Go Chicago Bears!
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ROTS_Obi1 Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 8/7/05 10:25am Subject: RE: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7) (Updated 7/8!)
	BUMPED. -----signature----- I'm a man of my word- Joker. Go Chicago Bears!
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ROTS_Obi1 Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 8/7/05 10:44am Subject: RE: The battle for Hin Bon (A Clone Wars Story) (Posted 7/7) (Updated 7/8!)
	CHAPTER V- The Battle Below Saesee Tinn flew is damaged green Jedi Starfighter into the vast rocky, and sometimes unstable planet of Hinbon. Tiny specs of white were Clontroopers. Thousands upon thousands of battledroids lined up on the vast rocky soils of Hin Bon. Saesee could see from above in the lifless sky, there were settlements of the refugees, probably natives from the planet, thought Saesee Tinn. Saesee saw the large forward command center. Getting close to the ground, he could see his clone commrads, and fellow Jedi. Saesee Tinn's green Jedi Interceptor didn't blend well with the dull orange and red soil. Saesee Tinn landed his craft and jumped out. "Want some help getting out R-5?" Saesee Tinn asked his little droid companion. The droid beeped and bleeped as if it was excited. "Alright, just a second", Saesee told the droid. Exlosions and laser fire filled the air. Saesee could see clones running into their gunships to fight the gigantic battle. ARC commanders, were running into battle with nothing more than their big rocket launchers to their sides. "How is the battle up their", said a troubled Jedi padawan. "Oh, fine", said Saesee Tinn. He did not want to damage the morale of his fellow Jedi. Saesee knew it wans't right to lie but he had to this time. "We have to go on that gunship over there", said Jedi Master, Zicktah Farlo. Zicktah pointed to a bright blue, freshly painted by the looks of it, clone gunship. "Alright everyone, get aboard", replied Saesee Tinn in a very commanding tone. "Yes sir", said a clone officer. The lot of them jumped aboard the gunship. Smoke was filling the air as the gunship took off from the orange and red ground below. "Our objective is to land at the CIS command site, from there we will somehow get into their communications room, and shut down all their communications to Hin Bons closest moon, we are doing this because of a large CIS presence their, if they find out about this battle we-. A giant explosion interuppted Saesees speach. And their Saesee saw what a massive battle there was below them. He could see thousands of battle droids and halfire droids moving in among the clonetoopers with giant tanks at their side. Saesee could not see the red and orange ground anymore. There were so many troops and tanks, he couldn't make out anything. Suddenly their gunship got hit. There was fire all around them. TO BE CONTINUED. -----signature----- I'm a man of my word- Joker. Go Chicago Bears!
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