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Author	Topic: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team)
Lord_Zeron Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 3/24/06 10:24pm Subject: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team) - Date Edited: 3/24/06 10:32pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Lord_Zeron
	Title: Deception- The Phantom Temple Author(s): Lord Zeron Timeframe: c. 3990 BBY Characters: Brendie Yash, Shebl, other OCs Genre: Response to OC Challenge #16, Jedi Mission/Adventure Keywords: Jedi, Padawan Summary: When a Padawan suffering from the loss of her former master is paired up with one of the most peculiar Jedi in the Order, they must travel to a distant planet where they will find unlikely friends, unlikelier foes, and trouble around every corner... Notes: One of the main characters, Master Shebl, is a Chadra-Fan. For anyone who doesn't know what they are (like me), this is a good summary about them. This is the first chapter, I'm planning about four total, and the rest should be up soon. Enjoy! Deception: The Phantom Temple Transmission, Encrypted (Code 3922B): Sender: Croke (Access Level Gamma, Location: Dantooine) Recipient(s): Hex (Access Level Beta, Location: Classified) Message: Master: I have returned from my mission, and am awaiting further orders. As always, you will be alerted as soon as I receive word of my next destination. Should you have any abnormal orders for me, you know how to reach me, though I will have few opportunities to check for messages now that I am in the Enclave. End Message. Chapter 1: Master and Apprentice Master Domar loved the Jedi Enclave. Such a peaceful place it was, quiet and surrounded by the rolling fields of Dantooine. It made a nice home for the Jedi, a few of them at least, and gave them a break from the everyday troubles of the galaxy. Built as a place for those Jedi who disliked the busyness of Coruscant, the small Academy was but a reflection of the much larger Jedi Temple. And not only was it a wonderful environment for learning, but it also exposed the Padawans to a wide range of species. For proof of this, one need look no further than the five beings now gathered in the small Council Chamber. The Dantooine Jedi Council consisted of just four members, which was enough to coordinate the activities of the few dozen Jedi who called the Enclave home. Though the Council had to send weekly reports to the Senior Jedi Council on Coruscant, for the most part they were allowed to do as they pleased. The head of the Council was Master Vandar, a small wise creature whose species remained unknown to Master Domar, though he did know that they lived extremely long lives and only had three clawed fingers on each hand. Master Domar himself was an Arkanian (a near-human), and the other two members of the Council were Master Vrook, a young human male, and Master Dora, a female Weequay. At the moment, there was a fifth individual in the room, though he was not a member of the Council. Master Shebl was a Chadra-Fan; a mouse-like creature with bat-like ears and a pig-like snout. He also had only two large teeth, which came down from his upper gums. Standing at only a meter tall, one would not thing Master Shebl a powerful Jedi, though the heart of a warrior lay under his short, coffee-brown fur. Shebl had just entered the room upon being called by the Council. They had much to discuss with the small Jedi Master, and Domar decided that the sooner they started, the better. “So, Master Shebl, how was your vacation?” He tilted his small head from side to head, before deciding on a good reply. “Short.” “Well, you certainly earned it,” Domar said. “But we must attend to the matter at hand. You know Padawan Yash, do you not?” “That would depend on your definition of ‘know.’” Shebl answered in his squeaky little voice. As Master Domar well knew, conversations with Shebl were never uninteresting, nor were they forgettable. “Do you know who she is?” “Yes!” he replied pleasantly and with great enthusiasm. “Good. Then perhaps you’ve heard of her recent troubles?” “Can’t say I have. Well, I could, but I’d be lying.” Master Vrook decided to explain. “Then allow me to bring you up to date. You’ve heard of the death of Master Dolomus, have you not?” “Of course! And I must say that I was deeply saddened by it.” “As were we all. Shortly before her death, Master Dolomus and her Apprentice, Brendie Yash, were sent on a mission to Nar Shaddaa, from which the former would never come back. Their mission was to stop a gang war by infiltrating one of the gangs. But the others must’ve figured out about their true identities, for in the middle of the night a group of gang members entered the room and tried to kill the Jedi.” “Oh my!” Master Domar tried to suppress a smile at the remark; Shebl always had been an active listener. “Anyway,” Vrook continued. “It was fortunate that at this moment, Padawan Yash was taking a visit to the refresher. She heard the door to their room being broken down and quickly rushed to her Master’s aid, but it was too late. The girl witnessed the thugs shooting Dolomus multiple times, and within seconds the Jedi was dead.” “What of the Padawan? How did she escape?” Shebl asked eagerly, as if the answer was the difference between life and death. “I’m getting to that.” Vrook sounded a bit agitated, which was no surprise. Domar had known both Masters for a long time now, and he also knew that their personalities couldn’t be more opposite. “Padawan Yash, enraged by the sight of her dead Master, fell into a rage and killed the rest of the gang. Realizing that she had fallen to the Dark Side, albeit temporarily, she took Dolomus’ body and returned to the Enclave.” “A very interesting story,” Master Shebl remarked before turning his small head slightly to one side. “But I do not understand what it has to do with me.” “We have decided,” piped up small Master Vandar. “Not to punish Brendie for her actions. She is genuinely sorry for killing the thugs, and also blames herself for her Master’s death. This one has always had problems with self-respect, and we fear that after this incident, she may become a danger to herself.” Master Domar decided to speed things up. “What Master Vandar is saying is that in her… condition, Padawan Brendie should not be left alone. She needs to be out on missions, doing things to help others, and at the same time improving her ego. We were wondering if-” “I would be honored,” Shebl said with a slight bow. “Master Shebl, we haven’t asked yet,” Vrook pointed out. The small Master looked up toward the council member. “You are going to ask me to take her as an Apprentice, no?” The Chadra-Fan gave a series of squeaks that Master Domar speculated to be laughter. “I do tire of formalities.” Domar smiled. “That was indeed going to be my question. So you accept?” Shebl raised a chubby, fur-covered finger up to his chin. “Actually, I think I change my mind.” The council chamber was silent. Master Domar didn’t quite know what to say to this. Whether Shebl was serious or if this was just another result of his abstract sense of humor, it was impossible to tell. To everyone’s great relief, after a few awkward seconds, Shebl laughed (or squeaked, rather) again and said, “Joke! I already said I would; you think I say that if I was uncertain? Hmm?” “Well, no, but…” Vrook appeared at a loss for words, as often happened to those speaking with the Chadra-Fan Master. Luckily, Master Vandar was not. “In that case, the Council thanks you for accepting our proposition. If anyone can save Brendie from herself, it would be you.” Shebl laughed again, but this time it was an appreciative sort of laugh. Exactly how Master Domar knew this he couldn’t quite tell. Through the years, however, he had seen Shebl use laughter to convey a variety of emotions, even annoyance or worry, though such cases were extremely rare. “I thank you for your confidence, and I promise I shall not fail in this monumental task which you have entrusted to me.” As he said this, the small Jedi raised his arms into the air and looked up towards the ceiling. Then, looking back towards the Masters, he asked, “Would you like to tell her the good news, or should I?” Master Dora, the Chronicler of the Enclave who did little speaking at Council meetings, answered. “I think it would be better if you were the one to tell her. We will call her here, for we also have a mission in mind, and hopefully it will bring the two of you closer together.” A young Trainee was called into the Council Room then sent to find Brendie. The youngling returned only a few minutes later, the much older Apprentice not far behind. At fifteen, Brendie still had a long time to go before reaching Knighthood. She was slightly short for her age, though still far taller than her new Master. Her eyes were hazel; her hair a bit past shoulder-length and dyed dark red, though strands of natural black could still be seen. Master Domar speculated that the new color was in tribute to her fallen Master, and once he had explained his theory to the Council, they had agreed not to punish her for the slight violation of Padawan rules, for the time being at least. “Masters,” Brendie said upon entering. Clasping her thin hands together in front of her, she bowed her heads towards each of the Jedi. “You called?” “We did,” said Master Vandar. “Master Shebl has some good news for you.” The girl turned towards the diminutive alien, and raised one eyebrow. Shebl smiled his charismatic grin, and Domar had to consciously refrain himself from joining in. “We do not know each other well, but I am curious: what do you think of me?” Momentarily taken aback, Brendie took a few seconds to think. “Well, I think you are a very wise and powerful Jedi.” Shebl raised a chubby hand palm-outwards towards the Padawan as he looked downward and shook his head. “No, no, no. I mean what do you really think of me?” “Well… I-” “No need for words. Come here.” It was a strange request, and Master Domar had no idea what Shebl was trying to do, but Brendie didn’t dare disobey. She took a few steps closer and at a motion from the Chadra-Fan bent down on one knee. The smaller Jedi placed one fur-covered palm on the girl’s forehead, and furry eyelids came down over the two black orbs. They did not move from that position for nearly a minute, until at last the Master broke contact and smiled. The two looked each other in the eyes, and Shebl said, “I am satisfied.” Brendie glanced towards the Council, then back towards the Jedi Master. “Satisfied?” Shebl smiled wider. “If it is alright with you, I would be pleased to take you as my Padawan Learner.” Brendie’s mouth dropped slightly open. “I…” she swallowed. “I’d be honored.” Master Domar noticed a tear forming in the girl’s right eye, though she wiped it away and disguised the movement by pushing a strand of red hair behind her ear. “Then it’s settled,” small Master Vandar said happily. “We have a mission ready for you, and you’ll leave first thing tomorrow morning.” “Good.” Shebl grinned again. “I like missions. It is only through challenges that we reach our true potential.” “Very true,” Domar agreed. It was his job to explain the task to the newly-formed team. “There is a planet, not too far from here, called Alberdion, perhaps you’ve heard of it. It is a jungle world, but has enough fuel deposits to warrant a Republic City-Station on the planet, called Smaf.” “Smaf?” Shebl asked with a chuckle. “What a funny name.” “It stands for Station for the Mining of Alberdion Fuels. It was built only a year ago, and quickly became a major trading post in that sector. However, the inhabitants have had some trouble with the native population, Squanns they call them. The Squanns are few in number, though great in resolve, and they do not like having intruders on their planet. Luckily, they had no greater technology than swords and stones, so they were at first ignored.” “‘At first,’ you say, and 'had,' not 'have.' What has changed?” “Well, as the months went by, tourists from Smaf starting trading weapons for souvenirs with the Squanns. Armed with grenades and blasters, they have become quite a problem, as you can no doubt imagine.” The Chadra-Fan raised a palm and declared. “Say no more, we will get the job done.” “Not so fast.” Vrook decided to continue the debriefing. “A few weeks ago we sent a Jedi Knight named Tandek to solve the problem. He went into the jungles of Alberdion to speak with the Squanns, and never returned. The Squann diplomats, who have learned some basic by now, say they never even met with the Jedi. We want you to discover the fate of Tandek, and fix the political situation on Alberdion if possible.” “And so the true mission is revealed,” Shelb said with a sideways glance at his Apprentice. “Nonetheless, it will be a sufficient challenge.” “I agree,” Brendie added. “In that case,” said Master Vandar. “You may return to your rooms and get a goodnight sleep. Tomorrow you shall leave for Alberdion. We’ll have any further information you need downloaded into your ship’s computer.” “Very good,” Shebl said with another bow towards the Masters. His apprentice did the same. “May the Force be with you,” they said in unison, before turning around and leaving the Council Chamber. “What do you think?” Master Domar asked once the pair was out of earshot. “I think,” replied Vrook. “That they will make a very… interesting team.” -----signature----- Heart of the Sith (KotOR-era, Action/Adventure): http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/29384282/p1/?2 Links to all my stories can be found at The Sith Archives: http://www.freewebs.com/lord_zeron/
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Alley_Skywalker Registered: Sep '05	Date Posted: 3/25/06 12:36am Subject: RE: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team)
	“I think,” replied Vrook. “That they will make a very… interesting team.” I think so too. About the padawan dying her hair red...well that i an interesting tribute. Though she seems to be a nice girl. Self-respect problems? Well this isn't going to be good. I hope the two get along well. Looking forward to more. -----signature----- Knight of the Fanfic Order (trained by oqidaun) Master to CodyMonKenobi & mujapple-juicey Proud Obi/Ani shipper! Facades: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/24152038/p1 Class of '09 forever!!!
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bi0nic Registered: Feb '06	Date Posted: 3/25/06 7:51am Subject: RE: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team)
	Great start Zeron! Shebl raised a chubby, fur-covered finger up to his chin. “Actually, I think I change my mind.” The council chamber was silent. Master Domar didn’t quite know what to say to this. Whether Shebl was serious or if this was just another result of his abstract sense of humor, it was impossible to tell. Shebl is shaping up to be a very intriguing character, quite Yoda-like in having that understated, wise and powerful Jedi Master thing going on despite having a diminutive and comic appearance. The mission they're about to go on sounds really cool too, definitely sounds like a job for the Jedi . Definitely looking forward to the next installment . -----signature----- "I'm the sickest linguistically illicit lyrical misfit in the business And probably in existence, what's your consensus?" - Canibus Padawan to furrylittlebantha
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WyoJedi Registered: Nov '05	Date Posted: 3/25/06 8:03am Subject: RE: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team)
	This is quite good! I really liked the introductions to the characters, and the information they received about the mission is very intriguing. I look forward to more. Cheers, Wyo -----signature----- Proud Master of PRINCESSCAMBRIA... SVRF Rogue 35 Emergence - http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=24909454&brd=10477&replies=0
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Lord_Zeron Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 3/25/06 4:14pm Subject: RE: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team) - Date Edited: 3/25/06 7:13pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Lord_Zeron
	Alley: I'm glad you agree, I made up the team just for this challenge and I'm already starting to like their personalities. Thanks for reading, I hope you like the next part. Btw, congradulations on winning the previous challenge, and thanks for making such a great prompt! bi0nic: Thanks for comparing Shebl to Yoda, I was hoping he would come across that way. Glad you like the mission, it should be a good chance for Brendie and Shebl to get to know each other. WyoJedi: Thanks! Here's the next part, and I'll try to have the third up later tonight, if I can. Note: I only proofread this once, so there might be a few mistakes. If anyone sees any, please let me know. Transmission, Encrypted (Code 3922F) Sender: Croke (Access Level Gamma, Location: Dantooine) Recipient(s): Hex (Access Level Beta, Location: Classified) Message: …I am now readying to depart for the planet Alberdion, with the task of solving a dispute between the natives and a local mining population. A Jedi named Tandek was already dispatched to Alberdion, but never returned. I feel that you have much to tell me, and I shall be expecting a reply. We leave at 7:00 Dantooine time, so time your response accordingly. End Message. Chapter 2: Alberdion “Well, it’s seven o’clock,” Brendie said with a glance at the chrono on her wrist. “I guess we’d better get moving.” “Yes, yes,” her Master agreed, as he sat down in the custom pilot seat, higher than most so that he could actually see out of the viewshield. “Is F8 on board?” “Who?” “F8. My recording droid; I never leave him behind on missions.” “Oh, you mean that little floating sphere? I saw him hovering around the communications room earlier.” “Good.” Master Shebl slid off his seat and onto the floor. “Start up the ship, I’ll make sure he’s on board.” Brendie nodded and began activating the launch systems. A few seconds later, her Master returned, the droid floating behind him. “Brendie, this is F8-4U, one of my best friends in the entire Galaxy. Never go anywhere without him.” The droid gave a series of beeps that Brendie took as a hello. She smiled, but wasn’t sure of the proper greeting for a floating ball of metal. “Everything ready?” Shebl asked as he climbed back into the pilot’s chair. “Yes, Master.” “Good.” Shebl hit a button and the small shuttle lifted up out of the Enclave. As Brendie looked down out of the window at the green fields of Dantooine, at the stone walls of the Enclave and the reflections of sunlight against the crystal-clear rivers, she recalled the last time she had left the peaceful planet. She had been with Master Dolomus then, departing on their final mission together. Even then, something had told her that her life was about to change, and not for the better. She had excused herself to cry in the back of the ship then, until at last she had managed to use a Jedi calming technique to steady her mind. Once again, she felt the guilt stabbing into her heart and for the second time in as many days, tears began to form in her eyes. Yesterday, they had been tears of joy that a Master would take her even after what she had done. For that, she owed Master Shebl her eternal gratitude, and she hoped their partnership would not end the same way as her previous one. Not wanting her new Master to see her crying, a very inappropriate means of expression for a Jedi, she excused herself to the ‘fresher and didn’t return until they had made the jump to lightspeed. The journey through hyperspace was uneventful, as always, and it was two days later when they finally arrived at their destination. As Master Shebl brought them gently down towards the planet’s only city, Smaf, his apprentice took her first look at Alberdion. Master Domar had been right to call it a jungle planet, all she could see were endless canopies of tropical trees, with an occasional mountain sticking up in the distance. The only other interruption to the foliage was Smaf itself, a grey blob surrounded by a dark grey wall. Near the center was a large building with a half-dozen places for ships of all sorts to land; the spaceport. That was where they were headed. Master Shebl transmitted the proper landing codes to the local authorities, and they were contacted by a port official who told them where to land. The landing gear was extended, and at last the shuttle touched down. “Well, should we be going?” “I guess.” Brendie stood up and followed her Master, and F8, down the main corridor of the shuttle towards the loading ramp. “Guess? All answers are guesses, are they not? Do we really know anything, hmm?” “I gu- I mean, now that you mention it, not really.” Brendie hoped this was the answer he was looking for. After all, it was a very odd question. “Not really,” Shebl agreed. “After all, nothing is for real. Everything is an illusion, though which illusions we accept is up to us, no? But come, I do believe we have a mission to complete.” Thankful for the end of the conversation, Brendie said, “Yes, Master,” and followed him out of the ship. Two human males were waiting for them at the entrance to the docking bay, one standing slightly behind the other. Both were wearing grey uniforms and caps, and the farther one cradled an unnerving blaster rifle in his arms. As the Jedi neared, the unarmed man smiled diplomatically and with a slight Coruscant accent said, “Welcome to Alberdion! My name is Commander Grann.” He shook hands with Brendie first, then reached down to the Jedi Master, who placed a twenty-credit chip into his open palm. “What is this?” The confused Commander asked. Shebl giggled. “You must be blind not to be able to see a credit chip. Is that enough to cover the landing fee?” Grann laughed. “Master Jedi, there is no need for you to pay us. We called for your help.” “Then consider that the first part of our assistance, to the economy. Now tell me what you can about your situation.” “I’d be glad to,” Grann said with another smile. “But first why don’t we go to my office, Master… I’m sorry, I don’t believe I caught your name.” “I don’t believe I threw it,” the Chadra-Fan responded with another chuckle. “I am Shebl, and this is my apprentice, Brendie.” “Pleased to meet you,” Grann said to them both with an incline of his head. “Now if you’ll follow me, please.” His office turned out to be very close, in the spaceport actually. Because of its small size and unmarked door, Brendie speculated that it was built as nothing more than a storage room. The smell of cleaning supplies confirmed her theory. The office contained three chairs situated around a small desk, which was cluttered with numerous piles of flimsiplast and datachips. A large monitor covered a good part of one wall, and was the only decoration as far as Brendie could see. “Please have a seat,” the Commander said as he sat down in his own chair behind the desk. The two Jedi took the seats across from him, Master Shebl making a slight jump to get into his. The guard remained standing by the door, and F8 hovered above their heads. “This is very… cozy,” Shebl remarked with a glance around the office. Still a bit uncomfortable around her new Master, Brendie decided just to let him do all the talking. “Ah, yes,” Grann agreed. “I had a much bigger office near the edge of the city, until some tourist hooligan decided it would be fun to graffiti ‘I hate Squanns’ on one of the walls. It was the first building destroyed during Squann attack yesterday, and so I have been relocated to this.” “What of the culprit?” “The kid? Oh, he’s long gone by now and I haven’t the money nor the time to track him halfway across the galaxy. Blasted tourists, they’re no better than the Squanns, in my opinion. But I suppose they do help the economy, and there’s nothing I can do to keep ‘em out.” Grann appeared to realize he was ranting, and quickly recovered. “I’m sorry, Master Jedi, I’m just quite frustrated with this position. So tell me, what would you like to know?” Shebl thought for a moment, scratching his chin with his brown fingers. “I already have most of the information I’ll need, and I think it would be best if I went to talk with the Squanns as soon as possible.” “Are you sure that is wise? The last Jedi who tried that never returned.” “And that is exactly why we must go. Our safety is of little importance; if Jedi Tandek is still alive then it is our duty to find him. The brave may not live long, but the cowardly do not live at all, yes? When is the soonest we can leave?” “Today, if you would like,” said Grann. “But before you leave, there is someone I would like you to meet.” The Commander nodded to the guard, who activated his comlink and said, “Bring him in.” A few seconds later two more guards entered the room (though they could barely fit inside) carrying a strange, fur-covered creature between them. He reminded Brendie of a large monkey, with incredibly thin arms and legs, and white-grey claws. He had a long, curved tail, brown-red like the rest of his body, and pointy ears like an animal. His four-fingered hands were a bit oversized, and they dangled down past his small waist on long arms. The creature stood at only about five feet tall, though his back and knees were both bent slightly forward. “Let go!” it screamed as it struggled from the grasp of its holders. “I didn’t do nuthin’ wrong! Didn’ do nuthin’!” “This is a Squann,” Grann explained. “We captured him during the attack yesterday.” “Capture me? No! I wanted to be caught! I help you, yes I will. I know things.” “He has agreed to lead you to his tribe, and says that he knows where the Jedi is.” “Jedi!” the Squann screamed, excited at the sound of the word. “The Lightmaster, I know him where, yes! Take you, take you, to him, yes!” Then a sudden glow came into his eyes as he looked at the Jedi team. In awe, he asked, “You Lightmasters too, are not you?” “Lightmasters?” Shebl asked as he leapt out of his seat and approached the creature. “Do you mean Jedi?” “Lightmasters! Carry swords of light, master it, control it, they do. Magic them, yes, magic…” Shebl laughed. “You’re talking about a lightsaber, aren’t you?” “Lightsaber, yes, that is what he called it, yes! You have one too?” In response, Shebl removed the small metal handle off of his belt and ignited the bright green blade. The Squann howled with glee and jumped up and down on the office floor. “Great Ones, let me help you. Please let me help you!” Shebl raised a hand towards the creature and said, “Calm down, my furry friend. We will accept you as our guide but first, what is your name?” “Zudal, I am called Zudal. Your name, yours?” With a polite smile, the Jedi replied. “I am Shebl. It is nice to meet, you Zudal.” Zudal turned his large yellow eyes towards Brendie. “You Lightmaster too, yes? What name? What name?!” “I am Brendie,” she said, trying her best to smile at the creature. “Bendy, nice meet you.” “Not Bendy, Brendie,” she repeated. “Bwendie, I happy to of be of serve to you.” “Then it’s settled,” Grann said as he rose from his seat and clasped his hands in front of him. “The Squann will lead you to his tribe, and I wish you the best of luck in your travels. Or as you Jedi like to say: May the Force be with you.” Shebl smiled in a pleased sort of way. “It always is.” Then the group of them was led out of the spaceport and to the very edge of town. There, Commander Grann gave them his comlink number in case they got into any sort of trouble, then Brendie, Shebl, F8, and Zudal departed into the jungles of Alberdion. They walked quietly and quickly for the rest of that day, the silence broken only by a few short conversations between Shebl and Zudal. The two aliens seemed to get along quite well, though Brendie couldn’t help but feel repulsed by the disgusting Squann. From overhearing their conversations, however, Brendie learned a great many things. Zudal was an outcast of his people, ostracized for his belief that the settlers should be treated as friends. According to him, the Jedi (or ‘lightmaster’) had reached his tribe a few weeks ago, asking to talk to their Elders. But as dictated by tradition, only adults could speak with the Elders, and a Squann only became an adult once they journeyed into the Temple of Phantoms, a place where the souls of dead Squann gathered. Zudal told them that Tandek had entered the Temple to prove himself worthy, but had never emerged. The Elders, knowing they would be blamed for the Jedi’s death, apparently decided to tell Grann and the Miners that they had never seen Tandek at all. Zudal claimed that his story was the truth, though Brendie wasn’t sure how much she believed him. But her master seemed to take the Squann’s words seriously, and if Master Shebl trusted him, then so would she. F8, meanwhile, just hovered along behind them, recording all that happened so that the Jedi could review it later if they needed to. According to Zudal, it would take about three days to reach his people. At night they made camp, and F8 stayed awake to keep a close eye on their Squann companion, making sure he didn’t try to hurt the Jedi or run away. Shebl had brought along a half-dozen extra battery packs for the little droid, which he replaced once each day. The second and third days went by with no more trouble then a few angry forest creatures, which Shebl scared away using the Force. Zudal had suggested killing them for meat, but the Jedi insisted that he share in the rations they had brought along. Near the end of the third day, as night began to fall upon the jungle world, a small drizzle started. Though the treetops protected the group from getting drenched, water soon began to trickle down from the leaves above. Zudal, who seemed to have some instinctive way of telling one part of the jungle from another, took them to a nearby cave in which they slept. Even Master Shebl seemed to have some idea of where they were going, since Chadra-Fan had very good senses, especially smell. Right before the rain started, he had remarked that he smelled food cooking, and Zudak, though amazed at his ability to pick such a thing up, said that it must be coming from his tribe’s camp, which wasn’t far away. Their cave was dark, but both F8 and his master could see into infrared, so they had no problem making sure that their “guide” was behaving. Brendie appeared to be the only one at a disadvantage. One thing about their journey though, the fatigue of walking all day long meant that she always fell right to sleep. Back at the Enclave, she was used to staying up hours into the night, dwelling on that mission to Nar Shaddaa. The following morning, the group woke up suddenly to the sound of loud beeping from F8. No sooner had Brendie opened her eyes then she felt an alarm go off through the Force, and her hands went strait towards the lightsaber at her belt. But it was too late. Standing at the front of their cave, blocking their only path of escape, were a dozen Squanns, armed with spears and blaster pistols and looking rather unfriendly. Like Zudal, they were short and bent slightly forward, though their eyes had none of the craziness of the Jedi’s guide. No, these creatures had only a look of cold determination, and Brendie could only hope that they were in a mood for talking things out. -----signature----- Heart of the Sith (KotOR-era, Action/Adventure): http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/29384282/p1/?2 Links to all my stories can be found at The Sith Archives: http://www.freewebs.com/lord_zeron/
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Lord_Zeron Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 3/26/06 11:13am Subject: RE: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team)
	Transmission, Encrypted (Code3922C): Sender: Croke (Access Level Gamma, Location: Alberdion) Recipient(s): Hex (Access Level Beta, Location: Classified) Message: We have arrived at Alberdion, and met with Commander Grann. A Squann named Zudal is even now leading us towards the Phantom Temple. We have stopped for the night in a cave near the camp of Zudal’s tribe, and I believe the others to be asleep. If all goes well, by this time tomorrow we should be in the Temple. End Message. Chapter 3: House of the Dead “Oka da mee, katechu!” said one of the Squanns. He had black fur and was a few inches taller than the others; the leader, Brendie mused. Upon seeing one of his own, Zudal leapt to his feet and replied in his own language. The black Squann spoke again, and Master Shebl asked calmly, “What is he saying?” “Says who are we? What we want?” Zudal translated. “Tell him we are Jedi, and we wish to speak with the Elders.” “But we can’t,” Brendie spoke up, remembering Zudal’s story. “Only ‘adults’ who have been through the Temple can speak with the Elders.” Master Shebl just smiled. “Exactly.” He turned to their guide and gave him the nod to continue. Black-Fur replied in another series of strange dialogue. “Says you must come back to tribe,” translated Zudal. “We agree,” said Shebl. Raising his small wrists out in front of him, he turned towards Black-Fur and added, “Take me to your leader.” “Eva das mode va liba,” Zudal said. Black-Fur nodded and the warriors surrounded the Jedi and their guide, making sure they would not escape. F8 was allowed to remain hovering above them, though if he tried to get away, Black-Fur threatened to kill his owners. Brendie had little doubt that he would succeed in such a task, but she followed her Master’s lead and went willingly. After nearly an hour of walking, the group arrived at the village of the Squanns. It was located in a large clearing of the jungle where there were no trees, though the canopies above them, cast by trunks just outside of the village, overlapped so much that there was only a small window to the blue morning sky. The rain had long stopped, though not before it had filled a small lake at the edge of the village up to its very edge. “Lude,” said Black-Fur as he led them into the village. “Come,” said Zudal. The group was led to one of the larger huts and pushed inside. Black-Fur left a half-dozen guards outside the door, then went off to presumably talk with the Elders. Hoping they would not be overheard, Brendie signaled her Master over to her while Zudal and F8 were trying to play tag on the other side of the hut. “What is it, Padawan?” Shebl asked in barely more than a whisper. “Are you sure this is wise, Master? I’m not sure what we can accomplish by playing prisoner.” The Chadra-Fan nodded. “And what is it you think we should do?” Brendie didn’t actually have a plan in mind; she just didn’t like the one they were currently using. Thinking on the spot, she answered, “They didn’t take our lightsabers. Maybe we can escape and have Zudal bring us to the Temple.” Shebl shook his head. “Do not forget that we have two missions to accomplish here. If what Zudal says is true, then we will discover the fate of Tandek inside the Temple where he disappeared. If we discover that he has died of natural causes, or if perhaps is somehow trapped still, then we can return to the village and speak with the Elders. I feel that is the only way we can convince them to cease their attacks on Smaf.” Brendie had to admit that it was a good plan, though there were still a great many things that could go wrong. She was about to speak again when the door to the hut opened and another Squann, wider than most and with light tan fur, entered their prison. “Hullo,” he said. “I am Jamba, Diplomat of the Squann. You wish to speak with the Elders, I am told.” “That is correct,” Shebl said. “Unless you have the authority to stop attacks on the miners.” “I no do. We attack because the Elders say ‘attack.’ But if you would speak with them, first you must prove you are worthy by braving the Devenga Luus; the Phantom Temple.” “Then that is what we’ll do.” The Jedi Master gave a solemn nod and Jamba motioned for them to follow him. Black-Fur and his warriors again surrounded the group as they began hiking through the jungle towards this Temple. “Are you crazy?!” Zudal screamed at Shebl as they walked. “Ghosts in the Temple! Phantoms! Very dangerous place, very dangerous.” “Excellent. I do love a good challenge.” The Chadra-Fan gave an excited giggle as he said this. “Challenge, say you? Death, says me! You go if you wish, but I not go there again.” “You will not need to,” Jamba instructed. “You are already an adult, if a foolish one, and you cannot enter the Temple a second time.” “I think that is for the best,” Shebl agreed. “The three of us will go in alone.” They walked for the rest of that day, until darkness had begun to fall. Brendie was just about to ask how much farther it was when she spotted a mountain up ahead of them. Maybe the Temple was build into the mountain; such things were common on uncivilized worlds. At long last they emerged from the wilderness and Brendie stopped in her tracks. The dark blur she had seen in front of her wasn’t a mountain; it was the Temple. The thing must’ve been a hundred meters tall, shaped like an enormous black cone and windowless as far as Brendie could see. Rather than having slanting walls, each floor of the Temple was a flat cylinder, just slightly smaller than the floor below it. The only irregularities in the pattern were three sets of stone steps running up the front side of the Temple. The outer two led to entrances on the fifth floor, the middle led to an opening on the seventh. “That is the Phantom Temple?” Brendie asked with a nervous swallow. “What exactly do we have to do?” “You must enter the Temple there,” Jamba pointed to the leftmost entrance. “And wander around the Temple until you come out there.” He gestured to the right entrance. “You have as long as you need, but you may not break down any walls of the Temple, nor may you leave at any time. If you survive, you will be the first group of outsiders to do so.” “Have any others tried?” Shebl asked. “Two,” Jamba answered. No sooner had the word left his mouth then Zudal began to dance and scream. “Told you! Told you! More come before, this where Lightmaster die! Told you!” “Vucome!” Black-Fur screamed as he grabbed the Squann and tried to hold him still. “Who were the others?” Brendie asked the Diplomat. She couldn’t be sure, but judging by Jamba’s jerky eyes he was nervous. “No one. Just… miners, wandering miners who wanted to speak with the Elders. Trying to stop our attacks, but they never came out.” “Liar!” Zudal screamed. “Murderer! Lightmaster killer!” “Silence him.” “No!” Brendie screamed as Black-Fur drew his blaster and pointed it at Zudal. But her Master put a furry hand around her wrist, holding her back. A second later, blue swirls of energy hit their Squann guide, and he fell to the ground, unconscious but not dead. Brendie gave a sigh of relief as she realized that the weapon had only been set to stun. Turning back to Jamba and smiling, Shebl asked, “I suppose it would be against the rules if you told us what we’ll be facing inside?” Jamba grinned. “Let’s just say it isn’t called the ‘Phantom Temple’ for nothing. Now go; the Devenga Luus awaits.” Without hesitation, the Jedi and F8 ascended the steps towards the tunnel. Shebl had just inserted a new battery pack into his droid, who had no trouble floating up the stars, and the Jedi Master used the Force to help himself up. As soon as they entered the tunnel, they found themselves in almost total darkness. Luckily, F8 had a built-in flashlight and the Jedi had each brought along a glowrod which they quickly activated. The Temple turned out to be an enormous labyrinth filled with endless hallways, rooms, and stairs. Even Master Shebl soon lost all sense of direction, and the group found themselves wandering aimlessly. After about an hour of searching, they reached yet another set of steps which emerged into a wide corridor. For no reason, they decided to turn right and see where it led. But as they walked, Brendie began to detect a negative force in the air, as if they were nearing the location of a serious atrocity. Master Shebl, who was more attuned to such things, appeared to feel it even worse. He began walking slower, and massaged the bridge of his nose with his forefingers. “What do you think happened here?” Brendie asked. “Something terrible. There was blood on these floors.” She looked down at the ground and finally noticed that the stone had a slightly red hue to it. She quickly turned away and forced herself not to get sick. At last they reached the end of the corridor, emerging into the largest room yet. They wandered around, looking for another exit, until Brendie suddenly felt a wave of shock spread through the Force. “Master, what’s wrong?” she asked. Leaning against one of the walls for support, he replied, “Come.” Brendie took a few steps closer, raising her glowrod in front of her. In one corner of the room, stacked into an enormous pile, were dozens of Squann bodies. Unlike Zudal and the others, these Squanns were white in fur, and their sightless eyes were red. “Albinos?” Brendie asked. Shebl nodded, and then added solemnly, “Ghosts.” And now she realized what they were seeing. These were the ‘Phantoms’ of the Temple, a special breed of white-furred Squanns. With their glowing red eyes and almost transparent appearance, it was no wonder that they were mistaken to be spirits of the dead. “So if these are the things haunting the Temple… what killed them?” “I do not know,” Shebl said. He took a few steps closer and inspected one of the bodies. “A blaster, it appears.” “Tandek?” Brendie suggested. Her master shook his head. “Jedi do not carry blasters, not normally at least. We must be wary; whoever killed these Squann might’ve also killed Tandek. And they could still be in the Temple.” Brendie nodded and the two continued to explore the Temple, though the Apprentice kept one hand close to her lightsaber at all times. As they were walking down yet another hallway what seemed like hours later, Brendie spotted something to her left. It was a smaller passageway, no more than a meter wide, and so dark that she almost missed it. “Master, wait.” Shebl, a few feed in front of her, stopped and turned around. “Maybe we should try this way.” The Chadra-Fan shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine.” Brendie nodded and said, “I’ll lead for a change.” Hand on her lightsaber, and heart beating incredibly fast, she walked through the narrow hallway, the others following behind her. They must’ve gone about twenty meters when suddenly Brendie stepped forward- and onto thin air. She stumbled forward and into a long shaft that led downward into the depths of the Temple. Using the Force to slow her fall, she managed to land on her feet some ten meters below. “Brendie!” Shebl screamed as he looked down at his apprentice. “I’m okay, Master,” Brendie yelled up as she looked around at her surroundings. The shaft was square and only about a meter wide, but at its bottom was yet another corridor, leading off into darkness. “There’s a hallway down here, maybe we should check it out. It could lead to the exit.” “True enough. But it may also lead to a dead end.” Ignoring her master’s warnings, Brendie turned and began walking down the hallway. Then her eyes widened, and she quickly turned off her glowrod as she squinted into the distance. “I think I see light! Maybe it’s the exit!” “You see light?” Shebl asked. “Stay there, I’ll be right down.” Brendie, still standing in the hallway, turned around to face the shaft. She reached out with the Force and as soon as she felt her master begin his descent, her hand slapped a button on the nearest wall. She did this without looking, for she knew exactly where it would be. A wall of unbreakable transparisteel came up from the floor, cutting the hallway off from the bottom of the shaft, where Shebl had just landed. The Chadra-Fan looked at his apprentice with confused eyes, and slowly Brendie saw the realization enter them. “Betrayal,” he muttered, and there was not a hint of laughter in his voice. -----signature----- Heart of the Sith (KotOR-era, Action/Adventure): http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/29384282/p1/?2 Links to all my stories can be found at The Sith Archives: http://www.freewebs.com/lord_zeron/
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Lord_Zeron Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 3/28/06 2:21pm Subject: RE: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team)
	Transmission, Unencrypted: Sender: Croke (Access Level Gamma, Location: Alberdion) Recipient: Devenga (Access Level Gamma, Location: Alberdion) Message: Devenga: Yes? Croke: It is time. D: Activate the lava flow? C: Yes, and quickly! D: Very well. End Message. Chapter 4: The Ultimate Trap “Brendie, what are you doing?” Master Shebl asked, his voice remaining calm as his big black eyes stared at his apprentice. Putting her comlink back onto her belt, she replied, “What I’ve been waiting to do since the moment I met you.” The Chadra-Fan grabbed his lightsaber off his belt and was about to ignite it when superheated plasma began raining down from above. Shebl dropped his weapon to the ground and raised both hands into the air above him as he struggled to protect himself with a Force bubble. The lava hit his shield and began piling up on top of it, getting heavier and heavier with each passing second. Brendie had not expected her Master to show such skill, though at least this would give her an opportunity to gloat. She had not had that same chance with her previous Master, who had been shot to death instead of dissolved. “You can’t hold it back forever, Master. Even now the shaft’s beginning to fill.” “I don’t have to hold it back forever,” Shebl replied. He turned his head towards Brendie and she almost jumped at the determination she saw in his eyes. The small lightsaber lifted up off the floor and activated itself, then began cutting a circular hole through the transparisteel. “Impossible.” “Haven’t you learned yet, my old Padawan? With the Force as your ally, nothing is impossible.” Just as he said this, the hole was completed and with a push from the Force, the circle of transparisteel fell through to the other side. Brendie barely had time to remove her lightsaber off her belt when, in one swift motion, her Master let go of his Force bubble, grabbed his own lightsaber and leapt through the hole. “Run!” he shouted, and Brendie had no choice but to agree. Without the influence of the Jedi Master holding it back, the lava was flowing through the hole and starting down the hallway. Both Master and Apprentice about faced and sprinted down the corridor as fast as their legs would carry them. Brendie had the lead, and she hoped that with her longer legs she could outrun her Master and let the lava take him. His escape was not part of the plan at all, and she was now making a Plan B up as she went along. Still… with the power of the Dark Side behind her, Brendie wondered if perhaps she would stand a chance against her Master. But this was no place for a proper lightsaber battle, though she quickly thought of an alternative. The hallway emerged into a large cylindrical chamber that led right up the center of the Temple. A circular stairway led all the way up the chamber, and on each floor was an entrance to a tunnel similar to the one the Jedi had just emerged from. When the ancient Squanns had built this place, they had included a trap like the one Brendie fell in on every floor, and this shaft was where all prisoners ended up. At the top of the stairway was the only exit and though in ancient times it had always been kept locked, it was now the perfect escape route. She took the flight of steps four at a time, and through the Force she sensed her master following. For such a small Jedi, he moved incredibly fast. They were almost at the exit when a dark blur jumped over Brendie’s head and landed just in front of the door, green lightsaber raised and ignited in a defensive position. A smile on his face, Shebl said, “I believe someone has a little explaining to do.” Sithspit! Now her only path of escape was blocked, and the top floor of a stairwell was no place for a duel between Jedi. A plan quickly formed in the young girl’s mind and, turning around, she leaped into one of the other hallways leading from the room. When Shebl leapt up to follow her she spun around on one heel, kicking the Jedi Master in the chest with the other. The Chadra-Fan went flying across the room and landed on the steps on the other side. Taking advantage of the moment, Brendie jumped out of the hallway and ran to the top of the circular stairs. She emerged into a long hallway that led in only two directions, and was completely devoid of doors or side passages. Though she had never been here before, the report she had received from her allies had included a map of the most important parts of the Temple. Thus she knew that the left end of the hallway led to the rest of the building, and the right led to her destination. Without stopping to see if her Master was following, she knew he would be, Brendie rushed to the end of the hallway and ascended one final flight of stairs. At last she arrived at the perfect place for their dual; the apex of the Phantom Temple. She was now standing on one of the highest points of all Alberdion. Below her feet was a solid circle of black stone, at least ten meters in diameter, and from this point she could see miles of jungle in every direction. Out in the distance she could even spot a grey blob that might’ve been Smaf, but there was no way to tell for certain. Brendie had little time to enjoy the view. A few seconds later her master leapt out of the highest floor of the Temple, lightsaber blazing and a calm ferocity in his eyes. His apprentice had been expecting him, and she quickly ignited her turquoise blade to meet his green. But Shebl did not make an attack. Instead he landed mere feet away, and turned off the weapon in his hand. He closed his eyes for a few brief seconds and inquired, “How long has it been since the Dark Side consumed you?” Brendie smiled and replied, “You mean since I learned to master its power? Almost three years ago, I believe. It was only a month before my thirteenth birthday when I realized that I wasn’t going to get chosen. That was when they contacted me, and made me an offer I just couldn’t refuse.” “Who is ‘they’?” “We are an organization so secret that we have no name. We are the darkness itself, the silent shadow waiting to be woken. We cannot be destroyed, for we cannot be found. And by the time you see us, we are already gone.” “A very pretty answer, but a rehearsed one,” Shebl pointed out. “Yet who are you?” “I don’t understand.” “Of course not. So let us try a different question: what is it you want?” Shebl began walking in a circle around his apprentice, and she turned to watch him as he moved. “Isn’t it obvious? I want you to die! That is our goal, the extermination of the Jedi Order. And we shall accomplish it as well, one Jedi at a time.” “So then, your first master…” “Wasn’t an accident,” Brendie nodded and continued to smile. “It was a setup, and it was executed flawlessly. Just as this one will be.” Then the girl lunged forward, but Shebl was too fast. He dodged to the side, not bothering to reignite his saber. “The before I die, at least give me the pleasure of knowing how it is you managed to orchestrate this whole ordeal.” And that was the question Brendie had been waiting for; the chance to explain every aspect of the plan that had been months in the making. With a deep breath, she began. “We started by sending a group of agents into the Temple, and when they never returned, the Squanns assumed they had died. The agents found the “ghosts” and murdered them. It took weeks to clear the Temple, but when it was done, it was worth it. When Jedi Tandek came, he fell into our trap and was killed.” Still moving, Shebl asked, “What about the other Squanns; did they know?” Brendie shrugged. “Zudal did. The others? Perhaps. I only know what I received in a few short transmissions from my boss and the agents in the Temple. But I grow weary of this talking, and someone has a meeting with death.” The girl lunged again, and once more her master dodged effortlessly out of her way. She attacked again and again, but the small Master was far too quick. “Why do you run, Jedi? Are you a man or a- oh, never mind.” Brendie began another series of attacks, giving herself up to the Dark Side as she had been taught long ago. “One more question: why did you turn on us?” Shebl didn’t even appear to be getting tired, and his apprentice was far past annoyed. “Because none of you accepted me! When a Jedi turns thirteen, they can no become an Apprentice, in case you’ve forgotten. I was almost at that position when the organization gave me the offer to join them; regardless of whether or not I was promoted. When at the last minute Master Dolomus took me as her Padawan, it was the perfect opportunity. Over the years I gained her trust, and then I betrayed her. Just as I did with you.” Shebl shook her head. “You have fooled no one. I saw the darkness in you the day I took you as my apprentice, but I choose not to say anything.” “And why is that?” “Because I believed- believe that I can save you.” Brendie laughed at this. “Save me? From what?” Again she attacked, but Master Shebl remained as elusive as ever. “From yourself,” the Master replied. At last, Brendie’s frustration got the best of her. She was tired of this game of chase, and it needed to end; fast. “Stand and fight already, you coward!” “I will not fight you, Brendie.” “Then die!” Deciding to try a new approach, the girl gathered the Force around her and sent a wave towards Shebl. Taken off-guard and caught mid-jump, the Chadra-Fan went flying backwards, right over the edge of the Temple. Victory. Resting her hands on her knees, Brendie took a few deep breaths. At last her second Master was dead. Now she could return to the Jedi, explain that her new Master had died, and hopefully be assigned to yet another foolish Jedi. Of course after a third time, the Council would realize something was amiss, but by then Brendie would disappear into the immense shadows of the galaxy, becoming one of the greatest Jedi hunters the galaxy had ever known. Her daydream was interrupted when a brown blur flew towards her from one of the lower roofs of the Temple. Her lightsaber was up in a second and this time the blue and green blades met with a clash of deadly sparks. Sinking into the Shien lightsaber form, Brendie let the Dark Side of the Force take control of her young body. Her master, who obviously hadn’t died, preferred Ataru, and though the form was very powerful, it was also so acrobatic that the user grew tired very fast. Shien, on the other hand, was a more defensive style and it was Brendie’s hope that she could tire out her master, and then deliver the killing blow when he made a mistake. But Shebl made no mistakes. He did not falter, but instead began launching a series of endless attacks against his Padawan. For now, Brendie held off the attacks, though she could feel her own grip weakening with every hit. “I thought you said you wouldn’t fight me.” “I’m not fighting you,” Shebl explained in an uncharacteristically serious tone. “I’m saving you.” It was at that moment that Brendie realized that her Master was simply toying with her. He could end this battle at any moment; with a single gesture he could finish her short life. But he didn’t. Master Shebl didn’t want to kill her, and for what reason he held back Brendie couldn’t imagine. But at last she was forced to come to terms with her own weakness. In the end, the Dark Side was not enough. Her master was not the one to fall into a trap; she was. All these years she had been deceived, believing that her new powers made her stronger. But now she came to realize that it was all just an illusion, a phantom of what it had appeared to be. She had fallen into the ultimate trap; the trap of the Dark Side. And with that realization, Shebl had won the battle. Not through any show of superior skill or prowess with a lightsaber, but by eroding away the will of his opponent. Brendie no longer had any reason to fight, and so she dropped her lightsaber to the ground, and stood there defenseless, waiting for her opponent’s weapon to finish her off, ending her miserable life. But it did not come. The emerald blade hovered mere inches from her face, and neither of the Jedi moved for a great many seconds. At last Brendie saw that her master did not have the courage to do what needed to be done, but he was a Jedi and such things were to be expected of his kind. Forgiving his weakness, Brendie dove into the saber blade, and Shebl realized what was happening a millisecond before it did. But it was too late. He turned off the lightsaber as fast as his stubby fingers could move, and the blade disappeared, but not before cutting a light gash in Brendie’s left shoulder. The pain was terrible, but it was nothing compared to the pain she felt pounding within her heart. The wound had been cauterized, it would not bleed, and anyway at the moment that was the least of her worries. Thinking herself unworthy of any mercy, and emotions flooding through every inch of her body, Brendie fell to her knees, and did the only sensible thing. She cried. At once her fallen weapon flew to join her masters on the Chadra-Fan’s belt. Then he ran to his apprentice as fast as he could, and put a furry hand on her injured shoulder. “Brendie, are you alright?” Are you alright?! How could he even ask that? Of course she wasn’t alright. Her very life had been shattered. Everything she’d hoped for, everything she’d ever wished to be… gone. “Brendie, listen to me.” Shebl put his right hand under his apprentice’s chin and lifted her head until they were looking into each others’ eyes. “I never would’ve taken you as my Padawan unless I thought you could be saved. Repent for your actions, and you shall be forgiven.” The girl just shook her head. “The Jedi could never take me back. You must kill me or… I don’t know what I’d do. I’ve failed as a Jedi, I’ve failed as a Jedi killer. I… I am nothing.” “No!” Shebl screamed, immediately drawing her attention. “You are Brendie Yash, Apprentice of the Jedi Order. Now get up, and act like a Jedi.” Brendie almost began to get up, she almost let herself grab onto a ray of hope. But no, not yet. There was still one major obstacle in her way. “The Jedi Council will never let me back after hearing what I’ve done.” “Do not be so sure. The Council is wiser than they may sometimes seem.” She wasn’t convinced. “I know what they’ll say. Please, just let me die here and get it over with. Do not draw my suffering out.” “You are the only cause of your own suffering. Believe in yourself, and the Council will have no choice but to believe in you as well.” She shook her head. “You don’t know that.” “Of course I do,” Shebl replied. “I’ll make you a deal: If the Council forces you to leave the Jedi Order, then I will leave as well.” Brendie’s eyes widened in amazement as she looked up at the small Jedi. “You’d do that? For me?” Without hesitation, Shebl nodded. “Of course. You are my Padawan, and I am your Master. We are a Team, and our fates are forever intertwined.” And at last Brendie felt a long-suffered weight lifting off of her heart. Shebl extended a small hand and she took it. Slowly she rose to her feet, and in the distance the sun of Alberdion could be seen rising over the jungle. So symbolic of the feelings inside of her at that moment. After a night that had lasted for far too long, she could at last see a sunrise on the horizon. “Now come,” her Master said. “We still have a planet to save.” And together, Brendie and Shebl, Master and Apprentice, walked to the edge of the roof and began descending its outer walls, ever heading towards the rising sun. -----signature----- Heart of the Sith (KotOR-era, Action/Adventure): http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/29384282/p1/?2 Links to all my stories can be found at The Sith Archives: http://www.freewebs.com/lord_zeron/
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Meredith_Kenobi Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 3/30/06 8:06pm Subject: RE: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team)
	At the moment, there was a fifth individual in the room, though he was not a member of the Council. Master Shebl was a Chadra-Fan; a mouse-like creature with bat-like ears and a pig-like snout. He also had only two large teeth, which came down from his upper gums. Standing at only a meter tall, one would not thing Master Shebl a powerful Jedi, though the heart of a warrior lay under his short, coffee-brown fur. Cool description. I like this guy already. Domar smiled. “That was indeed going to be my question. So you accept?” Shebl raised a chubby, fur-covered finger up to his chin. “Actually, I think I change my mind.” The council chamber was silent. Master Domar didn’t quite know what to say to this. Whether Shebl was serious or if this was just another result of his abstract sense of humor, it was impossible to tell. To everyone’s great relief, after a few awkward seconds, Shebl laughed (or squeaked, rather) again and said, “Joke! I already said I would; you think I say that if I was uncertain? Hmm?” Okay, now I really like this guy. “Brendie, this is F8-4U, one of my best friends in the entire Galaxy. Never go anywhere without him.” The droid gave a series of beeps that Brendie took as a hello. She smiled, but wasn’t sure of the proper greeting for a floating ball of metal. hee hee. Cute. “I’d be glad to,” Grann said with another smile. “But first why don’t we go to my office, Master… I’m sorry, I don’t believe I caught your name.” “I don’t believe I threw it,” This guy is great! “Well, should we be going?” “I guess.” Brendie stood up and followed her Master, and F8, down the main corridor of the shuttle towards the loading ramp. “Guess? All answers are guesses, are they not? Do we really know anything, hmm?” “I gu- I mean, now that you mention it, not really.” Brendie hoped this was the answer he was looking for. After all, it was a very odd question. “Not really,” Shebl agreed. “After all, nothing is for real. Everything is an illusion, though which illusions we accept is up to us, no? But come, I do believe we have a mission to complete.” But slightly confusing “Jedi!” the Squann screamed, excited at the sound of the word. “The Lightmaster, I know him where, yes! Take you, take you, to him, yes!” Then a sudden glow came into his eyes as he looked at the Jedi team. In awe, he asked, “You Lightmasters too, are not you?” I can't help but be reminded of Gollum “I am Brendie,” she said, trying her best to smile at the creature. “Bendy, nice meet you.” “Not Bendy, Brendie,” she repeated. “Bwendie, I happy to of be of serve to you I hate it when people mispronounce my name too “Brendie, what are you doing?” Master Shebl asked, his voice remaining calm as his big black eyes stared at his apprentice. Putting her comlink back onto her belt, she replied, “What I’ve been waiting to do since the moment I met you.” Egads! I didn't expect this at all! And at last Brendie felt a long-suffered weight lifting off of her heart. Shebl extended a small hand and she took it. Slowly she rose to her feet, and in the distance the sun of Alberdion could be seen rising over the jungle. So symbolic of the feelings inside of her at that moment. After a night that had lasted for far too long, she could at last see a sunrise on the horizon. “Now come,” her Master said. “We still have a planet to save.” And together, Brendie and Shebl, Master and Apprentice, walked to the edge of the roof and began descending its outer walls, ever heading towards the rising sun. This fic was FANTASTIC! A brilliant response to the challenge. Well done, Lord_Zeron! -----signature----- Proud to be ZaraValinor's Padawan Delighted to be brodiew's Master
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Lord_Zeron Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 3/31/06 12:25pm Subject: RE: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team)
	Cool description. I like this guy already. Glad to hear it; I'm quite fond of the little guy myself. This guy is great! Thanks! I actually didn't think of that line until a few seconds before I wrote it. I asked myself what Shebl would say in such a situation, and his personality gave me the perfect answer. But slightly confusing Haha, I suppose he wouldn't be a true Jedi Master if he wasn't. I can't help but be reminded of Gollum I have to agree with you there, the idea for Zudal's... shall we say "questionable sanity" came from him. I figured it would be the perfect cover to disquise his true motives and plans from Shebl. No one ever suspects the crazy aliens to be a villain; that would be like thinking Jar Jar was the true identity of Sidious. Egads! I didn't expect this at all! Yay! I'm so happy to hear that, because the surprise was one of the main reasons I was inspired me to write the story. There are a few clues (though not many) in the story, and I was even trying to frame F8 as "Croke" with one or two red herrings. This fic was FANTASTIC! A brilliant response to the challenge. Well done, Lord_Zeron! Thanks, I always love reading such detailed responses. After not getting any replies for a while, I was starting to get a little worried and when I saw your post my heart immeidately lightened. Thanks for making my day, and happy Friday! -----signature----- Heart of the Sith (KotOR-era, Action/Adventure): http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/29384282/p1/?2 Links to all my stories can be found at The Sith Archives: http://www.freewebs.com/lord_zeron/
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bi0nic Registered: Feb '06	Date Posted: 3/31/06 1:17pm Subject: RE: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team)
	That was a great fic overall, Lord_Zeron! Shebl's a really great OC, I like the little philospohical tidbits he comes out with, in particular these two: After all, nothing is for real. Everything is an illusion, though which illusions we accept is up to us, no? The brave may not live long, but the cowardly do not live at all, yes? Definitely Yoda-like . I liked the bit with Zudal not being able to properly pronounce Brendie's name a lot, very funneh. Zudal comes across as quite Jar-Jar-like, but in a good way . A very well executed twist as well, totally , and a quality lightsaber battle to top it off. After a night that had lasted for far too long, she could at last see a sunrise on the horizon Great ending! It was a proper story of redemption, and you pulled it off in quite a concise way. Nice work! -----signature----- "I'm the sickest linguistically illicit lyrical misfit in the business And probably in existence, what's your consensus?" - Canibus Padawan to furrylittlebantha
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Lord_Zeron Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 4/1/06 12:08am Subject: RE: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team)
	Shebl's a really great OC Thanks, but I can't take all the credit. Some characters just seem to take on a life of their own as the story progresses, and I think Shebl definetly did. Definitely Yoda-like. That's always a plus. Zudal comes across as quite Jar-Jar-like, but in a good way . Glad to hear it, since I'm actually one of the few people who don't hate Jar-Jar. A very well executed twist as well, and a quality lightsaber battle to top it off. screams with joy I'm so excited to hear that, now I'll probably never get to sleep (It's already 3 here). I wrote the fourth part late Monday night and edited it on Tuesday, so I was worried that rushing may have caused it to turn out less than good. I'm glad both the twist and the duel turned out okay. Great ending! It was a proper story of redemption, and you pulled it off in quite a concise way. Nice work! Thanks! I couldn't get the idea out of my head, and I figured it would work well for the challenge. It's always nice to hear that something I wrote was enjoyed. -----signature----- Heart of the Sith (KotOR-era, Action/Adventure): http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/29384282/p1/?2 Links to all my stories can be found at The Sith Archives: http://www.freewebs.com/lord_zeron/
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Lola64 Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 4/3/06 6:58pm Subject: RE: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team)
	Bravo Lord_Zeron. I was surprised that Brendie was a Jedi Killer. But that Shebl was wise enough to see it and help her. Though I gasped when she threw herself into her lightsaber. I honestly thought it was the end for her. Without hesitation, Shebl nodded. “Of course. You are my Padawan, and I am your Master. We are a Team, and our fates are forever intertwined.” Kind of reminds me of the end of Casablance. "Louis, this is the start of a beautiful friendship." Very well done. Excellent response to the challenge. -----signature----- Kyp/Nurse Lola: the new ship I stalk people. It's a Lola thing. Been gone and is now back. Did you miss me?
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the_wandering_shadow Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 4/5/06 5:04am Subject: RE: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team) - Date Edited: 4/5/06 5:06am (1 edits total) Edited By: the_wandering_shadow
	I didn't have time to read a lot of the entries for this challenge, but I remembered the story you wrote for any earlier challenge. Well, I remember two of them, but my favorite of those had to do with a set of Falleen brothers. I just loved that story so I chose to read this, and was not disappointed. Shebl was a very interesting character. I liked him a lot. “I’d be glad to,” Grann said with another smile. “But first why don’t we go to my office, Master… I’m sorry, I don’t believe I caught your name.” “I don’t believe I threw it,” the Chadra-Fan responded with another chuckle. I loved that one, and now every time I hear that 'didn't catch your name' line, that is exactly what I'll think of. The whole ending was a surprise, big time. I was shocked, but I loved it, and was also glad that Brendie was redeemed instead of killed because I liked her a lot as well. And I thought the Squaans were cool too. I'll definitely remember this story. Another thing that I enjoyed was that it took place around the time of the KotOR series. I'm a recent junkie for that so I thought that was great. Again, great job. This was a very interesting piece. -----signature----- Daniel Paul Harms (1958-2007) Seph Danthar's diary @ http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/29688948/p1/ lordmaul13's partner in crime
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Lord_Zeron Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 4/5/06 2:10pm Subject: RE: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team)
	Wow, two more great replies from two of my favorite readers! Lola: Thanks! Sorry about taking so long to reply, my computer was acting a little funny yesterday. I was surprised that Brendie was a Jedi Killer. That's about the biggest compliment I can imagine getting; I love twists (reading and writing them) and if you didn't see it coming then it worked! I honestly thought it was the end for her. I was hoping someone would think that. I didn't want it to be too obvious that she was going to be reedemed. Kind of reminds me of the end of Casablance. Actually, I've never seen the movie (shame on me) but the quotes do sound similar. Having my story (or part of it) compared to a movie can only be a plus! Very well done. Excellent response to the challenge. Thanks a bunch! It's replies like these that make everything worthwhile. the wandering shadow: Seven replies! I'm not positive, but I believe that's the most I've gotten for a Challenge entry. I truly feel blessed to have so many terrific readers. I just loved that story so I chose to read this, and was not disappointed. Wow, that was months ago, I'm ecstatic that you remembered it after so long. Glad that you liked this one as well. Shebl was a very interesting character. I liked him a lot. It seems he's getting quite a fan club. now every time I hear that 'didn't catch your name' line, that is exactly what I'll think of Lol, I wouldn't be surprised if the same thing happened to me. The whole ending was a surprise, big time. I was shocked, but I loved it, and was also glad that Brendie was redeemed instead of killed because I liked her a lot as well. takes out clipboard and draws a tally mark One more who didn't see the surprise coming. Woohoo! Even though I knew Brendie's secret, I couldn't help but start to like her too. Plus, it's almost never a good idea to kill off the Point-of-view character of a story. Another thing that I enjoyed was that it took place around the time of the KotOR series. I'm a recent junkie for that so I thought that was great. I know exactly what you mean, I (like so many others) love both games and whenever I can I try to write a story in that era, even if it has little or nothing to do with the actual games. Again, great job. This was a very interesting piece. Thanks again! -----signature----- Heart of the Sith (KotOR-era, Action/Adventure): http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/29384282/p1/?2 Links to all my stories can be found at The Sith Archives: http://www.freewebs.com/lord_zeron/
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Souderwan Registered: Jun '05	Date Posted: 4/9/06 9:12am Subject: RE: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team)
	Now this was an interesting jaunt! I have to admit, I rarely read a whole lot of OC-centric fics... You know what? Come to think of it, that's not true anymore. I've been reading quite a few OC-centric fics lately. At any rate, Shelb was a remarkably well-written character. I enjoyed him completely. I liked the fact that he was an Ataro user--very nice and appropriate detail! I was really taken aback by Brendie's deception! Well done! I really enjoyed the exploration of this mission and am genuinely curious to know how things resolved themselves once our two Jedi exit the Temple. Well done, Zeron!! -----signature----- "When we hurt each other we should write it down in the sand, so the winds of forgiveness can make it go away for good. When we help each other we should chisel it in stone, lest we never forget the love of a friend." ~Godefroy
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Alley_Skywalker Registered: Sep '05	Date Posted: 4/10/06 2:14pm Subject: RE: Deception- The Phantom Temple (Response to OC Challenge, OC Jedi Team)
	Wow! That was an awesome twist at the end there. I hope Braindie can overcome the darkness and be a god Jedi. Shebl is an amsing character Lol. I really liked this. -----signature----- Knight of the Fanfic Order (trained by oqidaun) Master to CodyMonKenobi & mujapple-juicey Proud Obi/Ani shipper! Facades: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/24152038/p1 Class of '09 forever!!!
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