Jedi Council Forums - Deception- An Act of Evil (Response to OC Challenge, prequel to Phantom Temple)

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Author	Topic: Deception- An Act of Evil (Response to OC Challenge, prequel to Phantom Temple)
Lord_Zeron Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 5/13/06 10:52pm Subject: Deception- An Act of Evil (Response to OC Challenge, prequel to Phantom Temple)
	Title: Deception- An Act of Evil Author(s): Lord Zeron Timeframe: c. 3990 BBY Characters: Brendie Yash, Master Dolomus Genre: Response to OC Challenge Keywords: Jedi Summary: A Jedi Padawan and her Master are in the middle of a mission when their identities are discovered, and the ones they decieved are not very happy about it. Notes: Just a short one this time (one-post), since this was all I could think of. I started typing at about eleven o'clock, and I'm a bit tired, so apolgoies if it isn't breathtaking. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy this little insight into Brendie's past, and what made her who she is today. And, in case it isn't obvious, this is a prequel to my entry from a few challenges ago, Deception- The Phantom Temple. Deception- An Act of Evil Transmission, Encrypted (Code 3921C): Sender: Croke (Access Level Epsilon, Location: Nar Shaddaa) Recipient(s): Devenga (Access Level Gamma, Location: Unknown) Message: The clues have been left and it will only be a matter of time before they are discovered; tonight, I expect. I will be ready and waiting when the time comes, and will alert you tomorrow morning of my success. Brendie Yash rubbed her tired eyes and tried desperately not to think about what was about to happen. For it would, without a doubt, change her life forever. She had done some terrible things in her time, though this was by far the lowest. She cracked her neck, hoping that it would not wake up her master, who was sleeping peacefully on the stiff bed on the other side of the small room. The Black Mynocks, one of the most ruthless gangs on all Nar Shaddaa, were not known for their hospitality, as their two newest members had found out the hard way. At last, Brendie sensed a group walking down the hallway towards the bedroom. Their minds radiated through the force like brilliant flames, all too easily detected. If Master Dolomus hadn’t been asleep at that moment, she would’ve sensed them as well. It would be nearly a minute before they arrived, so Brendie slid off the bed as silently as she could manage, and treaded carefully over to the refresher door on one side of the room. She glanced over her shoulder at her sleeping Master once more before lowering her head and opening the door. Then she walked into the small chamber, which they shared with four other gang members, and sat down on the edge of the shower with her face in her hands. Then she heard the sound she had been dreading. It was a loud banging as the door to the bedroom was broken down forcefully. Why the thugs didn’t simply open it the normal way, Brendie couldn’t guess, but the Mynocks were known for their brutality, not their intelligence. She took a deep breath before pulling her turquoise lightsaber off of her belt. With a sigh, she closed her eyes and reached out, connecting instantly to the feelings of the world around her. She shut out all the anger and rage of the intruders, and the confusion of her awakening master. Then, with a simple nudge of her mind, the door to the ‘fresher flew off its hinges and Brendie dove into the room, lightsaber held at the ready. Her eyes fell at once to the form of her Master, lying dead upon her cot. Blood flowed from the multiple blaster-wounds all across her body, staining the dirty sheets. At least she had been asleep when it happened, and had felt no pain or fear. Not that Dolomus would’ve been afraid in the slightest had she been awake. It was that attitude that Brendie had so much admired in her mentor, and it was sad to see such a great person go. But the plan had to be followed, and so far things were going perfectly. The five Black Mynock enforcers turned on Brendie and began to fire, though her lightsaber blocked each one effortlessly. Five seconds, five blasterbolts, and five deflections later, all five Mynocks lay dead upon the floor. Brendie closed her eyes, smiled, and opened her mouth wide as a deep, echoing laugh escaped from her lungs. She felt the waves of anger and hatred flow through her, and she welcomed them with open arms. The power of the dark side coursing through her veins, Brendie walked confidently throughout the compound and completed the final step of her mission. Soon she was the only one left alive in the base, and all witnesses to what had happened would speak nothing of it ever again. Before taking her master’s body back to the Temple, and sending a message to those she served, alerting them to her success, Brendie had one last thing to do. She sat down on the cot where her master had died, and slowly let the emotion drain from her. At last the darkness was pushed back into a deep corner of her soul, where it would remain until called upon once more. And though the taint could not be removed, it was hidden, and the other Jedi would not find it there. Ecstatic at the perfection with which her objective had been achieved, Brendie rose to her feet and drew upon the Force to levitate her master’s body in front of her. It was time to return home with news of the death, which she had failed to prevent despite her hardest efforts. Or at least, that would be what she would report to the Council. A few hours later, her ship sped away from the Smuggler’s Moon and into hyperspace on a course to the Dantooine Enclave. One Jedi down, nine thousand more to go. -----signature----- Heart of the Sith (KotOR-era, Action/Adventure): http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/29384282/p1/?2 Links to all my stories can be found at The Sith Archives: http://www.freewebs.com/lord_zeron/
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Souderwan Registered: Jun '05	Date Posted: 5/14/06 5:47pm Subject: RE: Deception- An Act of Evil (Response to OC Challenge, prequel to Phantom Temple)
	Wonderfully dark and very well written! I take it that this was the backstory to Deception-The Phantom Temple? I really enjoyed the way you wrote Brendie's connection to Master Dolomus. Despite her connection to the dark side, she still had an abiding respect and admiration for her master. She definitely had the whole "It's not personal, it's just business" kind of attitude going. The five Black Mynock enforcers turned on Brendie and began to fire, though her lightsaber blocked each one effortlessly. Five seconds, five blasterbolts, and five deflections later, all five Mynocks lay dead upon the floor. Nice touch! Loved it! Great work, Lord_Zeron! -----signature----- "When we hurt each other we should write it down in the sand, so the winds of forgiveness can make it go away for good. When we help each other we should chisel it in stone, lest we never forget the love of a friend." ~Godefroy
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Meredith_Kenobi Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 5/14/06 7:43pm Subject: RE: Deception- An Act of Evil (Response to OC Challenge, prequel to Phantom Temple)
	A few hours later, her ship sped away from the Smuggler’s Moon and into hyperspace on a course to the Dantooine Enclave. One Jedi down, nine thousand more to go. shame on you, Brendie! I really liked your master. This was really good, Lord_Zeron! -----signature----- Proud to be ZaraValinor's Padawan Delighted to be brodiew's Master
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the_wandering_shadow Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 5/15/06 2:24am Subject: RE: Deception- An Act of Evil (Response to OC Challenge, prequel to Phantom Temple)
	Great bit of backstory, Zeron ! -----signature----- Daniel Paul Harms (1958-2007) Seph Danthar's diary @ http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/29688948/p1/ lordmaul13's partner in crime
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Rogue_Pilot_2347 Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 5/15/06 3:46am Subject: RE: Deception- An Act of Evil (Response to OC Challenge, prequel to Phantom Temple)
	Great story! I really like Brendie. Hope to see more of her around here. -----signature----- The Ultimate poetry Challenge: http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=26190468&brd=10304&replies=6 Two Halves of the Same Whole: http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=27517831&brd=10476&replies=0 *For the 2nd drabble challenge
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Lord_Zeron Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 5/15/06 12:49pm Subject: RE: Deception- An Act of Evil (Response to OC Challenge, prequel to Phantom Temple)
	Wow, so many reviews already! Just what I needed to cheer up a rainy Monday. Souderwan: Thank you! You'd be correct; this is indeed the backstory to The Phantom Temple. Despite her connection to the dark side, she still had an abiding respect and admiration for her master. She definitely had the whole "It's not personal, it's just business" kind of attitude going. That's exactly what I was hoping to convey, and it looks like it worked. Nice touch! I'm glad you liked that line; I thought it sounded like something one would find in one of your stories, which could only be a good thing. Thanks for reading! Meredith: shame on you, Brendie! I really liked your master. Do you mean Dolomus or Shebl (the one from my other story)? This one is a prequel about how she killed her first master (Dolomus), so if you're worried about Shebl, he's quite alright. I don't think I'd have the heart to kill him off. This was really good, Lord_Zeron! Thank you! The Wandering Shadow: Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it! I figured she had quite a backstory to tell, as opposed to a lot of my other OCs, so she was the natural choice. Rogue Pilot: Thank you! I like her too, though I like her more after she's redeemed. Maybe I'll get the chance to write a little more about the good Brendie in an upcoming challenge. Thank you all for your great replies, I don't think I've stopped smiling since I saw them. -----signature----- Heart of the Sith (KotOR-era, Action/Adventure): http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/29384282/p1/?2 Links to all my stories can be found at The Sith Archives: http://www.freewebs.com/lord_zeron/
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Healer_Leona Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 5/15/06 3:05pm Subject: RE: Deception- An Act of Evil (Response to OC Challenge, prequel to Phantom Temple)
	Whoa. That was not what I'd been expecting. I couldn't think why she'd hide at first and then that last line.. just wow! -----signature----- I've been waiting so long to be where I'm going
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Lord_Zeron Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 5/15/06 6:31pm Subject: RE: Deception- An Act of Evil (Response to OC Challenge, prequel to Phantom Temple)
	Thanks! I think. I always love surprising my readers, and it seems to have worked this time. While typing this, I knew that most readers would've already read The Phantom Temple (to which this is a backstory) so I tried to make Brendie's motives understandable for those who already knew them, but a mystery to those who didn't. If you were surprised, that means it worked, and I'm glad it did. Thanks for the reply! -----signature----- Heart of the Sith (KotOR-era, Action/Adventure): http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/29384282/p1/?2 Links to all my stories can be found at The Sith Archives: http://www.freewebs.com/lord_zeron/
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bi0nic Registered: Feb '06	Date Posted: 5/26/06 8:36am Subject: RE: Deception- An Act of Evil (Response to OC Challenge, prequel to Phantom Temple)
	Great little bit of backstory, Lord_Zeron! Brendie commits the perfect murder, well if anybody can do it, it'd be her. Getting the thugs to kill her Master for her was brilliantly devious. You even managed to squeeze in a bit of lightsaber action, nice. Good work! -----signature----- "I'm the sickest linguistically illicit lyrical misfit in the business And probably in existence, what's your consensus?" - Canibus Padawan to furrylittlebantha
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Lord_Zeron Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 5/26/06 5:08pm Subject: RE: Deception- An Act of Evil (Response to OC Challenge, prequel to Phantom Temple)
	Great little bit of backstory, Lord_Zeron! Brendie commits the perfect murder, well if anybody can do it, it'd be her. Lol, thanks. Brendie can be quite... deceptive when she needs to be. Getting the thugs to kill her Master for her was brilliantly devious. Very true, this way they get blamed for the murder even if one of them did get away to tell what happened. I don't think she left a single piece of evidence of her crimes. You even managed to squeeze in a bit of lightsaber action, nice. It just wouldn't be Star Wars without a lightsaber/blaster fight. Good work! Thanks again, I'm glad you liked it! -----signature----- Heart of the Sith (KotOR-era, Action/Adventure): http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/29384282/p1/?2 Links to all my stories can be found at The Sith Archives: http://www.freewebs.com/lord_zeron/
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correllian_ale Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Jun '05	Date Posted: 5/28/06 9:09pm Subject: RE: Deception- An Act of Evil (Response to OC Challenge, prequel to Phantom Temple)
	Great background work for Brendie L_Z! I recognized her from your previous fic right away...which means you get a big plus - memeroable characters and all...(and a big plus for my short-term memory ) -----signature----- Consider this my "throw back" jersey... I govern my life around my own personal code of ethics, and I suggest that you do the same.
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Lord_Zeron Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 5/29/06 12:06pm Subject: RE: Deception- An Act of Evil (Response to OC Challenge, prequel to Phantom Temple)
	I'm glad she was memorable, especially considering that her story was two whole rounds ago. Thanks for the reply, what a great way to start the day (I just woke up ). -----signature----- Heart of the Sith (KotOR-era, Action/Adventure): http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/29384282/p1/?2 Links to all my stories can be found at The Sith Archives: http://www.freewebs.com/lord_zeron/
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