Jedi Council Forums - The Lord of the Script Trilogy (humor thread)

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Author	Topic: The Lord of the Script Trilogy (humor thread)
Darth-Stryphe Title: Former Mod and City Rep Registered: Apr '01	Date Posted: 8/6/02 5:49pm Subject: The Lord of the Script Trilogy (humor thread) - Date Edited: 5/11/07 4:32pm (4 edits total) Edited By: Darth-Stryphe
	Good evening everyone, A few months ago, I posted a short bit from a parody about the continuous Basher/Gusher wars here at the JCC. Oakessteve asked me to post the entire story in the TPM Forum. I begged him not to make me do it, but he threatened to use his mod powers to edit my sig to say "AOTC: Best-Title-Ever!", so finally I yielded and agreed. Anyway, I held off posting it until today, since it was the official DVD release date of FOTR, I thought it was appropriate. Well, enjoy! Remember, this is all in good fun. I'm not trying to say basher's are good and gushers are evil. We all know gushers are inhertiately kinder, wiser, and just generally better people than bashers. takes bribe money from DarthHomer -----signature----- Lord of the Script, it's FABULOUSO: http://boards.theforce.net/Star_Wars_Community/b10012/8237772/p1 The Desperate Road: http://boards.theforce.net/your_jedi_council_community/b10008/23481819/p1 I love you, lonely Dewback on the ridge Az Isten áldjon meg!
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Darth-Stryphe Title: Former Mod and City Rep Registered: Apr '01	Date Posted: 8/6/02 5:51pm Subject: RE: Lord of the Script: Fellowship of the Bashers (humor thread) - Date Edited: 8/6/02 5:53pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Darth-Stryphe
	SCENE 1: BLACKNESS. Narrators voice only at first. Narrator (the voice of Jedi-Mind-Trick): Star Wars is changing, I feel it in the theaters, I see it on the Internet - for none now live who remember… Lord of the Scripts FADES IN George Lucas at a typewriter, working on the drafts for the classic series. Narrator: It began with the writing of the original film. Four drafts were written for Star Wars - first and greatest of the classics. Two sequels were given to the Reagan Era, young Republicans and nerds of the early 80s. And three special editions were gifted to the Generation-Xers, who above all else, desire updated special effects. Each of these scripts gave the audience a truly great and timeless story. Narrator: But they were all of them deceived, for deep in the land of Australia, George Lucas crafted a master film, first among the prequels, and in it he poured his new vision, his goofiness, and will to dominate all movies with CGI. Narrator: One prequel to rule them all… Narrator: One by one the true fans of Star Wars fell, giving in to his new vision. But there were a few who resisted. A last alliance of bashers and disgruntled former LFL employees gathered together at the gates of Skywalker Ranch, and there they fought for the fate of Star Wars. SKYWALKER RANCH Angry fans march up and down in front of Skywalker Ranch carrying signs that say "No more Jar-Jar!!" and "Darth Maul didn't have enough lines!" and throwing rotten tomatoes at the gates. Narrator: Victory seemed near-- The bashers start cheering as the security guards flee the onslaught of tomatoes. Narrator: --but the power of the prequels could not be undone. George Lucas steps out from the gates of the ranch, clutching an overstuffed envelope. The bashers become quiet and stare on in awe. GL reaches into the envelope and starts handing out passes to see Attack of the Clones. The bashers give up their protest, taking their free passes and leave. Narrator: It was in that moment, when all hope was lost, that Gary Kurtz stepped out of the crowd and gave an interview about his role on ANH and ESB. Kurtz: "Yes, it is true, it was I that made ANH and ESB great, not George. I told him not to include the Ewoks in the series, but when he persisted, I resigned. Without me, his movies are sub-par." GEORGE LUCAS'S OFFICE AT LFL Scene cuts to GL reading the interview. He starts to cry, and in an angry fit, he puts his first draft of Episode III in an envelope and mails it to Kurtz. GL: "If he thinks he can do better, let's see him try!" Narrator: George Lucas, the enemy of the old-school fans of the classic trilogy, was defeated. THE OFFICES OF FOX STUDIOS Kurtz sits in front of the president of Fox studio, pitching his idea for Episode III to 20th Century Fox. Narrator: And so it was that the rights to Star Wars passed to Gary Kurtz, who had this one chance to finish the prequels and redeem Star Wars forever. But the hearts of men are easily corrupted, and the script for Episode 3 had a will of its own. It betrayed Kurtz and ruined his career, -- President of Fox: "Let me get this straight, you want us to budget 2 billion for this movie so you can shoot it in space just to get a realistic 'feel'???" KURTZ'S OFFICE AT FOX STUDIOS Kurtz is kicked out of his office and a janitor tosses the Script. Narrator: -- and some things that should not have been forgotten, were thrown away. For two and a half thousand minutes, the script for Episode 3 sat at the bottom of a waste basket until by chance, it ensnared a new owner. A hand reaches into the wastebasket and pulls it out. Metsuke: "Oooooh -- spoilers!!" METSUKE'S HOUSE Metsuke pulls up in a car to his house, a lone building sitting close to the "Hollywood" sign. He gets out of his car clutching the Script and disappears inside. Narrator: "The Script passed to the gusher Metsuke, who took it deep into the hills of Hollywood, giving to him unnaturally loyal fanship. There, in a house up in the Hollywood hills, it consumed him." INSIDE METSUKE'S HOUSE He sits in a large recliner, reading the Script. Metsuke: "A song and dance number with Jar-Jar and Chewie Mourlin Rouge style? George Lucas is %#&@ing brilliant! Ha! And those silly bashers think GL's lost his edge!" SOMEWHERE IN HOLLYWOOD Scene cuts to a quiet brook at evening time. A few menacing-looking ravens fly by as the sunsets behind the hills. Narrator: "Weeks passed. Darkness crept back into the land. Whisper of a new Star Wars movie being filmed grew into rumor, and the Script perceived its time had come. INSIDE METSUKE'S HOUSE Metsuke sits the Script down next to an open window and walks out of the room. A giant wind comes up and blows the Script off his coffee table and out the window. The wind carries the Script down into the parking lot outside. Ceejay comes wondering along and sees the Script. Narrator: "It abandoned Metsuke, but then something happened that the Script did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely of Star Wars fans, a basher named Ceejay." Ceejay: "What's this? A bit of fanfic?" Narrator: "For soon the time will come when bashers and closet-bashers will shape the fate of all SW fans." -----signature----- Lord of the Script, it's FABULOUSO: http://boards.theforce.net/Star_Wars_Community/b10012/8237772/p1 The Desperate Road: http://boards.theforce.net/your_jedi_council_community/b10008/23481819/p1 I love you, lonely Dewback on the ridge Az Isten áldjon meg!
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Darth-Stryphe Title: Former Mod and City Rep Registered: Apr '01	Date Posted: 8/6/02 5:55pm Subject: RE: Lord of the Script: Fellowship of the Bashers (humor thread) - Date Edited: 8/6/02 5:58pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Darth-Stryphe
	60 Days later, In England "Fellowship of the Bashers" Quixotic-Sith catches a flight to London to see his old friend Ceejay. Ceejay is throwing some sort of a party and has invited all his friends. Upon his arrival Quix is greeted by Oakessteve, who wants him to review his latest drafts of the Gungan Christmas Special, and a re-write of the both Ewok movies. Quix: (thumbs through his re-writes) "Curious topics for a closet-basher. Most unnatural." Quix leaves Oakessteve and goes to see Ceejay at his comic book store. The two chat and eventually get into a conversation about ethics and morality in TPM. That scene takes about 12 hours, as each one gets into a longer and longer rebuttal of each point made. After that conversation is concluded, Ceejay begins to pace up and down the floor of the comic shop, clutching something close to him, something that at first, Quix thinks is just a comic book from off one of the shelves, but as he eyes it more carefully, he catches the words "Episode III: A BIG EXPLOSION" on the front cover. Ceejay (sounding tired): "I'm getting soft, Quix. I know, I know -- to read my posts on theforce.net, you wouldn't think so, but I'm starting to feel soft. I'm starting to think that maybe Jar-Jar Binks was a brilliant move, and maybe midichlorians do make sense." Ceejay continues to clutch the Script of Power closely to him. Quix becomes more concerned by this and by Ceejay's change in behavior. Ceejay: "I need a holiday, a very long holiday. I think I will go hang out with the bashers, and I may never come back. In fact, I mean not too." Later that evening, Quix and Ceejay go to Ceejay's farewell party at the U.K. Fanforce. Oakessteve and Slavegirl are there dancing and getting hammered. After having a few too many drinks, two rather mischievous bashers sneak over to where Quix has left his laptop. They wait for Quix to become distracted, then steal his password and log on to his computer. They find a 200-page essay on the effect Jar-Jar Binks has had on the 21st century, and post it on the TPM forum. Everyone who reads it is amazed by the length and thought that went into it. These two troublesome bashers feel rather proud of themselves until Quix comes sneaking up behind them, grabbing them by their ears. Quix: "Rabid Balding Ewok, and Nrf-Hrdr. I might have known." To punish them for hacking into his computer, he makes them read his masters thesis while the party goes on without them. As the party continues, Ceejay regales a group of newbies with tales about the old days of TF.N. Ceejay: "So there I was, at the mercy of three treacherous moderators, and they were all arguing amongst themselves as to how to ban us; whether they should slap us with a permanent IP ban, or whether they should sift through our user accounts and delete all our posts, one by one. Well, they spent some much time arguing about it, and using such foul and insulting language, that before they knew it, Vertical showed up and POOF demoted them all to VIPs!" At the end of the party, Ceejay says a farewell speech. He then goes home, logs onto theforce.net, and types his farewell speech there, but this time adding many inflammatory comments towards everyone who's ever pissed him off. He is promptly banned. This doesn't bother him; in fact he finds it amusing. Shutting down his computer, he turns to find Quix standing behind him. Quix: "I suppose you think that was terribly funny?" Ceejay: "Ah, it was just a bit of fun." Quix: "There are many Star Wars message boards, Ceejay, and you should not take getting yourself banned from them lightly." Ceejay: "Oh, your probably right. Well, I'd better get going. You will keep an eye on Oakessteve, won't you?" Quix: "Yes, he's been added to my watched users list." Ceejay: "I'm leaving the comic book store to him." Quix: "And what about that mysterious Script you found, is that staying too?" Ceejay: "Yes, yes, I put it over next to my fax machine. No -- wait, it's here in my briefcase. How odd." (he pulls it out and takes a look at it) "And yet, why not? Why should I keep?" Quix: "I think you should leave the script behind, is that so hard?" Ceejay: "Well -- No, -- and yes" (a transformation creeps over him, he starts gazing at the Script and foaming at the mouth) "Now that it comes to it, I don't feel like parting with it at all. It's mine, it came to me!! It's mine, my own, my -- SPOILERS!!!!" Quix (perks up, intrigued yet disturbed): "Spoilers? I've heard that term used before to describe a manuscript, but not by you!" Ceejay (goes rabid): "BAH! What business is it to you what I do with my things!" Quix: "I think you've had that script long enough." Ceejay: "YOU WANT IT FOR YOURSELF!!! You want to produce this film and make the millions that should be mine! Mine! All mine!!" Quix: "CEEJAY!!! Do not take me for an under-educated overpaid Hollywood hack!! I'm not trying to swindle you, I'm trying to help you." Ceejay returns to his senses and apologizes to Quix for losing his temper. After agreeing with Quix that the Script must stay behind, he gathers his stuff together and heads for the door. Quix: "Uh, Ceejay-" Ceejay: "Uhm?" Quix: "The script is still in your hands." Ceejay: "Oh, so it is." He pauses at the door for a long moment, looking at the Script, then finally, he drops it on the floor and runs out the door. Quix goes to pick it up, but the moment he touches it, an image of a giant smiling Gungan flashes through his mind. He jumps back and leaves the Script lying on the floor. Troubled by these events, he sits and thinks, recalling the different things Ceejay said before departing. Quix: "'Spoliers', 'mine, all mine.' Riddles in the dark." Oakessteve enters the shop at that moment. Stopping at the door, he notices the Script and picks it up. Oakessteve: "Quixotic-Sith, Ceejay gone, isn't he?" Quix snaps out of his deep thoughts, then looks over at Oakessteve, then down at the Script. Quix: "Ceejay's script. He's gone to America to stay with the Phantom Editors. He's left you his comic book shop, along with all his possession. The script belongs to you now. Keep it somewhere out of sight." With that, Quix says his farewells to Oakessteve and flies back to the United States. Quix is troubled by the way Ceejay obsessed over this well-worm manuscript, and goes in search of answers to confirm his deepest fear. He goes to UCLA and researches the Making of the Prequels. Troubled by what he learns, he flies back to England as soon as possible..... Oakessteve and Slavegirl hobble down the street after a night of heavy drinking. Oakessteve says goodnight to Slavegirl, then staggers up the steps that lead to his comic book shop. He steps inside. It looks as if someone has broken in. A window is open and a quiet night breeze floats through the shop, blowing comic books that lay scattered about. hand comes out of the darkness and reaches for Oakessteve, Quix steps out of the shadows. Startled, Oakessteve grabs a baseball bat and begins to beat the living sh-tuff out of Quix until he suddenly realizes who it is. Oakessteve: "Oh, terribly sorry about that." Quix staggers to his feet, nursing his wounds. Quix: "Dramatic entrance -- bad idea. So, ouch, do you still have the script? Is it secret, is it safe?" Oakessteve pulls it out of a file cabinet. Quix grabs it out of his hand and shoves it into a paper shredder. Oakessteve: "What are you doing!?!" Much to his amazement, the Script comes out unharmed, his paper shredder, however, is ruined. Oakessteve and Quix stare at the Script in dread. Oakessteve picks up it. Quix: "Quickly, what do you see?" At first, Oakessteve isn't sure what Quix means, then he notices a set of markings on the cover. Oakessteve: "This is odd, there appears to be some sort of writing on the cover, I never noticed these before, it looks like someone's scribblings, I can't read them." Quix: “There are few who can. It is the short hand of George Lucas. It reads 'One Prequel to rule them all, one Prequel to re-define them, one Prequel to bring them all, and in re-visionist history bind them!' It is as I feared. There is not a paper shredder owned by a fanboy anywhere that can harm this script. This is the Third Script, the Script written by the director Lucas, lost - until now.” Oakessteve: “Ceejay found it, in Metsuke’s parking lot. But I thought he'd retired, I though Lucas had retired." Quix: “No, the Script survived, so his career survived. They are one, the Script and George Lucas. All these long months he's been feeding off EU royalties and building up his confidence so that he might complete the trilogy. He needs only this script to cover all of fandom in a second darkness. He’s seeking it, ohhh, all his thoughts are bent on it. With it, he could forever undo the original editions and re-define the very core of Star Wars with midis, Gungans and pop-teen stars. He must never find it, Oakessteve.” Oakessteve: “All right, then we hide it, file it away in the old back issues. After all, no one knows I have it. Right, Quix?” Long pause. Oakessteve turns and looks at Quix for reassurance. Oakessteve: “Right?” Quix (with a sigh): “There is one who knew Ceejay found the Script. I looked everywhere for the gusher Metsuke. But LFL found him first.” As Quix continues to talk, the scene cuts to a dark room . Metsuke is tied to a chair facing a stage. On the stage, N'Sync is giving a live performance. Quix (V.O.): “I don't know how long they tortured him, but between his cries for mercy, they were able to get four words.” Metsuke: “Gasp!!!! United Kingdom Fan Force! AAAEEEEHHH!!!!” Scene cuts back to Quix and Oakessteve. Oakessteve appears very troubled by this. Oakes: “But, that would lead them here!” As Oakessteve speaks, his fears are being realized. Scene cuts to a group of LFL lawyers who are trying to serve papers to a homeless man sitting near the Thyme. Lawyer: “Sir, we're having you subpoenaed for participating in a conspiracy against Lucas Film Limited.” Homeless person: “Uhhh-?” Scene cuts back to Oakessteve and Quix. Oakes grabs the Script and thrust it out towards Quix. Oakessteve: “Take it!” Quix: “No, Stephen.” Oakessteve: “You must take it!” Quix: “You cannot offer me this script.” Oakessteve: “I'm giving it to you!” Quix: “Do not tempt me further! I dare not take it, not even to save the original editions. Understand, I would re-write this script from a desire to bring some class back into the saga, but through me it will wield a seriousness and philosophical depth too great for the average fan to bear. By trying to restore the faith of the fans, I would only confuse them and lose all hope of regaining that ‘old timey’ feel.” Oakessteve: “But it cannot stay here.” Quix: “No, you are right. It cannot.” Oakessteve: “What must I do?” Quix instructs Oakessteve to make for the United States and met him there at the nearest science fiction collector’s convention. Quix will go seek help from Lawrence Kasdan, the co-screenwriter for ESB. He feels confident that if anyone knows what to do with the Script, it will be Kasdan. Oakessteve agrees to this plan and gathers his things, but before they leave, they hear someone rummaging around in the back of the store. Quix races back to the storeroom, and grabs a lone figure lurking in the shadows. It is Slavegirl. Quix: "Blast it, Slavegirl! Have you been eavesdropping!?!" Slavegirl: (frightened) "No, I swear!" Quix: "What did you hear? Speak!" Slavegirl: "N-nothing important. Although I did hear quite a bit about a script, a Sith lord, and something about the end of a movie. Please don't hurt me, Quixotic-Sith! Please don't make me read -- your master's thesis!" Quix: "Noooo, I've got a better use for you." And so it is that Slavegirl joined the quest to save the Script of Episode III from George Lucas. Quix goes to California to see Kasdan, and Oakessteve and Slavegirl head to New York City. -----signature----- Lord of the Script, it's FABULOUSO: http://boards.theforce.net/Star_Wars_Community/b10012/8237772/p1 The Desperate Road: http://boards.theforce.net/your_jedi_council_community/b10008/23481819/p1 I love you, lonely Dewback on the ridge Az Isten áldjon meg!
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Darth-Stryphe Title: Former Mod and City Rep Registered: Apr '01	Date Posted: 8/6/02 6:02pm Subject: RE: Lord of the Script: Fellowship of the Bashers (humor thread)
	Ok, I have more, but must post it later, as I have to sign off for now. Oh, and special thanks to Daughter of the Force for helping me proof it. However, since she proofed it, I made further changes, and I didn't have time to proof it again (and we all know how crappy MS Word spellchecker is). Oakessteve or CB, if you read through this and spot some mistakes, you can correct them with my blessings. -----signature----- Lord of the Script, it's FABULOUSO: http://boards.theforce.net/Star_Wars_Community/b10012/8237772/p1 The Desperate Road: http://boards.theforce.net/your_jedi_council_community/b10008/23481819/p1 I love you, lonely Dewback on the ridge Az Isten áldjon meg!
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ElfStar Registered: Mar '01	Date Posted: 8/6/02 7:34pm Subject: RE: Lord of the Script: Fellowship of the Bashers (humor thread)
	ROTFL!!! I didn't get all of the inside jokes, as I haven't been here long enough, but the weaving of it into LotR is brilliant. I can't wait to see the rest! -----signature----- I survived Van Helsing and all I got was this stupid sig.
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Darth-Stryphe Title: Former Mod and City Rep Registered: Apr '01	Date Posted: 8/6/02 7:54pm Subject: RE: Lord of the Script: Fellowship of the Bashers (humor thread) - Date Edited: 8/6/02 8:01pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Darth-Stryphe
	Scene cuts to Quixotic-Sith, riding through the streets on a motorcycle as he pulls up to a skyscraper. At the top of the skyscraper is a penthouse owned by Lawrence Kasdan. Lawrence Kasdan (Voice-over): “Smoke rises from the fire places of Skywalker ranch, the hour grows late, and Quixotic-Sith rides to San Francisco, seeking my council.” Lawrence Kasdan: (as he walks down the steps to greet Quix) “For that is why you have come, is it not, my old friend?” Quixotic-Sith: (bowing) “Kasdan.” The two walk together on the balcony of his penthouse. Kasdan: “So the Episode 3 script has been found.” Quix: “All these long months, it was under my very nose.” Kasdan: “And yet you did not have the wit to see it. Your love of Oakessteve’s TPM re-write has made your senses weak.” Quix: (wincing at the rebuke) “But we still have time, time to film Oakessteve’s script and re-write Episode III ourselves.” Kasdan: “Time? What time do you think we have?” Scene cuts to them sitting in Kasdan's office. Kasdan: “George Lucas is more powerful than you think. His production team has multiplied and the set of Mos Espa has been rebuilt. He cannot yet start production, but his desire to add Jake Lloyd and Jar-Jar Binks clones to the classics and to the newest prequel has not changed. Safe in his ranch, the lord of Star Wars sees all. His gaze pierces spy-reports, message boards, file sharing programs, and sci-fi conventions. You know of what I speak, Quix. A great eye, lidless, reathed in flattering reviews!” Quix: “The eye of Darthseti5.” Kasdan: “He is summoning all gushers to him. Soon, his followers will be so blindingly loyal as to enjoy even the Christmas Special.” Quix: “You know this? How?” Kasdan: (looking over to his laptop with a smile on his face) “I have read it.” Kasdan and Quix walk over to where his laptop sits. It is currently logged onto www.supershadow.com. Quix: “The Internet is a dangerous tool, Kasdan.” Kasdan: “Why? Why should we fear to use it?” Quix: “They're not all accounted for, the false spy reports. You don't know who may be making things up!” Quix closes the laptop. Kasdan sits down in a recliner. Kasdan: “The hour is later than you think. The lawyers have already left Skywalker Ranch disguised as TFN moderators. Quix: "The lawyers!" Kasdan: "They logged into the JC just last night.” Quix: “They've read the U.K. Fanforce!” Kasdan: “They’ll find the Script, and sue the one who carries it.” Quix: “Oakessteve!” Quix makes for the exit, but security guards block his path. Kasdan: “You did not seriously think a closet-basher could contend with the will of Lucas? There are none who can. Against the lord of Star Wars, there can be no victory. We must join with him, Quix, we must help Lucas produce another prequel. It would be wise, my friend” Quix: “Tell me, 'friend', when did Kasdan the co-script writer of ESB turn to from good taste to bad!” The two eye each other intently for a moment, then Kasdan jumps up and the two get into a fight. Kasdan's security guards break up the fight, handcuff Quix and haul him out of the room. In the scene that follows, Oakessteve and Slavegirl reach NYC. They wander the streets in search of the nearest sci-fi con. While wondering around, they run into Rabid Balding Ewok and Nrf-Hrdr, who were in town to buy some of the world's finest Muppet porn. Embarrassed to admit their true reason for coming to NYC, they claim they were there to help them in their quest. And so it is that RBE and Nrf-Hrdr join the fellowship. As they round the next corner, they run into one of the LFL lawyers, who tries immediately to serve Oakessteve papers, but before he can, the bashers make a get-away on the Staten Island fairy. After much fleeing through the hills of New England, the four bashers end up at Annual North East Sci-fi Con. The gatekeeper at the convention hall questions them thoroughly before letting them in, claiming to be worried because 'there's talk of normal folk abroad in the convention hall.' That is indeed an unusual thing. The four walk in, they are surrounded by people dressed as Boba Fett, Spock, and even a couple of Xenas. A man standing in the corner rushes up to them and tries to explain why Voyager really was the best Star Trek series. The four bashers run screaming from this man. They work their way around to the guest services booth. Oakessteve: (to service manager) "Yes, we're friends of Quixotic-Sith, could you please have him paged?" Service Manager: "Quixotic-Sith? Ooooh, yes. Darth Maul icon, pointy head, posts in paragraphs of about 450 words on average." Oakessteve smiles and nods. Service Manager: "Haven't seen him since last year." The bashers each look at each other. Slavegirl: "What do we do now?" They all sit around the snack area, trying to figure out what to do. RBE and Nrf-Hrdr run off to see if they can find someone selling the TPRE. Slavegirl points over at a man standing in the corner wearing a dark cloak and holding up a sign that says: WOTC IS EVIL! SUPPORT DECIPHER! Slavegirl: "That fellow's done nothing but look at me since we've come in. You think he's going to ask me out, or maybe he's just a creepy stalker, or worse, maybe he's one of those Natalie Portman fans come to silence my Portman bashing!" Oakessteve: "Actually, he's been staring at me, I think it has something to do with the Script, you know, the adventure we're on and all." Slavegirl: "Again with the Script. Everything's about you and the Script. To listen to you talk, you'd think Lucas was hunting you down or something." Oakessteve glares at Slavegirl. Slavegirl: "Oh, yes, right. He is." The Service Manager wanders by. Oakessteve grabs him. Oakessteve: "Excuse me, but that man in the corner, who is he?" Service Manager: "He's one of them bashers. Dangerous folks, criticizing every little detail of the PT no matter what Lucas does. What his right name is I'm not sure, but around here, he's known as Darth-Stryphe." Oakessteve: "Hmm, Stryphe." Oakessteve sits and ponders the events of the last few days. As he sits there, he hears the words 'EPISODE 3' echoing through his mind. Then, he realizes it's not in his head but coming from somewhere in the convention hall. Rabid Balding Ewok: "Episode 3? Sure, I know a guy who has a copy of the Episode 3 script. He's over there." Oakessteve turns to see RBE standing at a retail booth with a group of fans, pointing over in his general direction. Oakessteve stands up and rushes over to RBE. Oakessteve: "Rabid Balding Ewok, you idiot, be quiet -- OOHH!!!" Oakessteve's foot catches the side of a table as he rushes on, causing him to fall forward. The Script goes flying out of his hands. Everything seems to go slow motion as all eyes follow the Script through the air and watch as it lands on the ground. The Script falls open to somewhere in the middle. The page that is exposed describes a scene where Jar-Jar Binks defeats Count Dooku and an army of Darth Maul clones using a bucket of dead fish. The on-looking fans gasp in both amazement and horror. Before anyone can read anymore, Oakessteve grabs up the Script and scurries off. Somewhere in the distance, the LFL lawyers stop their cross examination of a grocery clerk and turn around, feeling the power of the Script call to them. Oakessteve stops in a corner of the convention hall, and seeing that no one is following him, he takes a deep breath and rests on the ground. A pair of hands come out of nowhere, grabs him, and shoves him out of the convention hall. Oakessteve pulls back in surprise and fear. it is Darth-Stryphe. Darth Stryphe: "You draw far too much attention to yourself, Mr. Oakes." Stryphe pushes Oakessteve forward, out into a side hallway, and into a side room. Immediately, he begins to shut the doors, close the curtains and lock the windows. Oakessteve: "What do you want with me?" Stryphe: "A little more caution from you, that's no mere fan-fic you carry." Oakessteve: "I carry nothing." Stryphe: "Indeed. I can write some pretty stupid stuff if I want to, but even I could not conceive of having Jar-Jar be the one to defeat Count Dooku. You are afraid?" Oakessteve: "Y-yes." Stryphe: "Not nearly scared enough. I know what hunts." At that moment, Slavegirl kicks open the door and comes rushing in. I'd like to say that RBE and Nrf-Hrdr were there to help him, but after consulting with those two about this scene, they both agreed they'd probably be more interesting in scooping out the rest of the convention than saving Oakessteve. Slavegirl: "Get away from him." Stryphe spins around and gets ready to strike her with his boycott sign, but realizing whom it is, he puts his sign down. Stryphe: "You've got a stout heart, closet-basher. But that will not help you now. You can no longer afford to wait for the long-winded one. They're coming." Dramatic music swells as the LFL lawyers march up to the convention hall. The doorman tries to stop them, but they charge him with harassment and cost him his job. Five lawyers march into the exhibit area of the convention, wandering past the place where the service manager hides in fear, and marching past dozens of video dealers who start trying to hide their copies of The Phantom Edit. They go out the other end of the exhibition hall into the adjoining hotel. Quietly, the sneak up to Oakessteve room, and open the door. All is dark. Making as little noise as possible, they creep up beside each of the beds. Then, all at once, they start serving the four closet-bashers papers; subpoenas, court orders, a lien on Oakessteve's comic shop, cease and desist papers, etc... It then occurs to the lawyers that the four bashers and closet-bashers aren't complaining and bellyaching about all these papers. They rip the sheets off the beds to discover they were stuffed with pillows. They beginning hollowing and shrieking with inhuman wails. In the next room, Oakessteve, Stryphe, and the rest listen on. Nrf-Hrdr: "What are they?" Stryphe: "They were graduate students once; smart and valued members of society. Then, Lucas the paranoid offered them lucrative positions on his legal staff if they would pass the bar exam and hunt down everything that even closely resemble copyright infringement against LFL. Blinded by their greed, they accept, one by one falling into darkness. They are neither caring nor feeling. I once saw them sue a young married couple for naming their son Luke. They are drawn to things Lucas perceives as copyright infringement, and they will never stop hunting you as long as you carry the Script." And so Stryphe joined the company. From there they go out seeking a safe place. After days of wandering, they stop at the top of one of the Smokey Mountains. Stryphe wanders off to scout the area, and the rest stay behind and make camp. -----signature----- Lord of the Script, it's FABULOUSO: http://boards.theforce.net/Star_Wars_Community/b10012/8237772/p1 The Desperate Road: http://boards.theforce.net/your_jedi_council_community/b10008/23481819/p1 I love you, lonely Dewback on the ridge Az Isten áldjon meg!
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Darth-Stryphe Title: Former Mod and City Rep Registered: Apr '01	Date Posted: 8/6/02 8:02pm Subject: RE: Lord of the Script: Fellowship of the Bashers (humor thread)
	More to come. Tomorow -- the flight to the forge! -----signature----- Lord of the Script, it's FABULOUSO: http://boards.theforce.net/Star_Wars_Community/b10012/8237772/p1 The Desperate Road: http://boards.theforce.net/your_jedi_council_community/b10008/23481819/p1 I love you, lonely Dewback on the ridge Az Isten áldjon meg!
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Darth Euro Registered: May '99	Date Posted: 8/6/02 9:31pm Subject: RE: Lord of the Script: Fellowship of the Bashers (humor thread)
	LOL! Keep it up - this is the funniest thing I have ever read here...
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stone_jedi Registered: Jun '01	Date Posted: 8/6/02 10:29pm Subject: RE: Lord of the Script: Fellowship of the Bashers (humor thread)
	While wondering around, they run into Rabid Balding Ewok and Nrf-Hrdr, who were in town to buy some of the world's finest Muppet porn. LOL!! Probably not too far off from the truth! -----signature----- Dark Lord of the JCC "What is that, some kind of super-hero name?" The epic struggle of Good vs. Evil: TTG http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=8237772&page=14
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A-New-Hope Registered: Jul '02	Date Posted: 8/7/02 8:33am Subject: RE: Lord of the Script: Fellowship of the Bashers (humor thread)
	This script sounds very familiar to a movie I saw last year. I think it was Harry Potter? -----signature----- "Do, or do not...there is no try" - Yoda "Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? And well you should not, for my ally is the force, and a powerful ally it is" - Yoda "Luminous beings are we, not these crude matters!" - Yoda
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slavegirl Registered: Jun '01	Date Posted: 8/7/02 9:34am Subject: RE: Lord of the Script: Fellowship of the Bashers (humor thread)
	ROTFL!!! This is a great thread Stryphe. I'm really enjoying it so far.
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Darth-Stryphe Title: Former Mod and City Rep Registered: Apr '01	Date Posted: 8/7/02 10:16am Subject: RE: Lord of the Script: Fellowship of the Bashers (humor thread)
	This script sounds very familiar to a movie I saw last year. I think it was Harry Potter? Close -- Morlin Rouge. I'll post some more tonight. -----signature----- Lord of the Script, it's FABULOUSO: http://boards.theforce.net/Star_Wars_Community/b10012/8237772/p1 The Desperate Road: http://boards.theforce.net/your_jedi_council_community/b10008/23481819/p1 I love you, lonely Dewback on the ridge Az Isten áldjon meg!
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jaja7799 Registered: Jul '02	Date Posted: 8/7/02 10:38am Subject: RE: Lord of the Script: Fellowship of the Bashers (humor thread)
	This is great, the funniest thing I have read in a while -----signature----- Grizham1, I am your Brother!!!!!!!! I find your lack of faith disturbing!
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Malthus Registered: Mar '99	Date Posted: 8/7/02 1:11pm Subject: RE: Lord of the Script: Fellowship of the Bashers (humor thread)
	Moulin Rouge -- get it right. <Malthus runs and hides> -----signature----- I didn't want to see Darth Vader running around killing everyone. I just wanted a new trilogy that followed the originals in terms of style and tone, featuring characters I truly cared about. Instead I got Disney movies with lightsabers.
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DarthHomer Registered: Apr '00	Date Posted: 8/7/02 1:56pm Subject: RE: Lord of the Script: Fellowship of the Bashers (humor thread)
	I'm gonna have to ask for that bribe back, Stryphe. "No reward is worth this." -----signature----- Saga from best to worst: 1. ESB 2. ANH 3. ROTS 4. AOTC 5. ROTJ 6. TPM Check out http://imaginarycinema.com - my new website about fantasy, horror and sci-fi movies
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Vaderbait Registered: Sep '01	Date Posted: 8/7/02 6:21pm Subject: RE: Lord of the Script: Fellowship of the Bashers (humor thread)

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