| Author |
Topic:
Distant (Vader vignette)
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obaona
Registered:
Jun '02
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Date Posted:
4/7/03 10:05pm
Subject:
Distant (Vader vignette)
- Date Edited:
4/7/03 10:06pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
obaona
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Thanks for clicking! 
Title: Distant
Rating: G, maybe PG.
Summary: Vader at Padme's death.
A/N: Sequel to the story Done, which is from Padme's point of view. Reading that isn't necessary to understanding this, though it may be helpful and I'd sure like it.  But this story does standalone. Also, LP, I'm working on the other one.  I know you beta-ed it so quickly, but I'm just . . . Sorry!
Feedback: Please. 
On to the fic. My apologies - its kind of weird, but hopefullly good all the same!
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There is something strange about being in this life-supporting armor. I feel disconnected, as if the world outside my mind is not real. I think that my connection to the Living Force, which I once believed to be stronger than my former master’s – Obi-Wan – has failed me, in my turn to the Dark Side, in my discovery of my power. I’m not sure why that is so, but I feel it is true all the same.
Rarely did I feel I was connected to anything. My only connection to that distant, unreachable world of life was my wife. Padme Amidala Skywalker. It didn’t matter that I could not smell the sweet perfume that she exuded, that I could not see her with my own eyes. I could feel the beat of her heart within my soul. She was not simply my life, she was life.
It is hard to describe to you what it was like when I came upon my Padme, dying. My Master’s forces, his spies built through years of careful planning and disguise, told me where she was. Naboo. If I was the joy of her heart, Naboo was the joy of her spirit. I told myself not to be surprised, but somehow I was. After my duel with Obi-Wan that had ended so disastrously, she had stayed with me. Palpatine’s spies had watched her carefully, but I had been sure that she would be with me, would support me, and that Palpatine’s suspicions that she kept something from me were false.
Then she left.
Forces loyal yet to decayed Republic smuggled her out without my knowledge, perhaps – probably – under the command of a Jedi. She had only been with me for weeks, during my recovery and shortly after. Every night, I had gone to her and let myself absorb her presence. Feel the beat of her heart close to mine.
When she left, I was frantic. I called the Dark Side to myself, trying to search for her. It’s power is beyond imagining, capable of anything. But I failed, my skills inadequate. I kept my fury and rage, and buried it within myself. Every once of hatred and anger can be used. I will one day bend the Dark Side to my will, and be a Master.
My weakness is pathetic.
My Master, Palpatine, deigned to give me access to his intelligence network. And so I came to Naboo, my wife’s home. I didn’t come alone. Imperial ships and troops marched across pristine Naboo lands. The Gunguns ran into their forests and lakes, evading capture temporarily. It was strange to see such Imperial forces, in their stark military form, within the beautiful grace of Naboo. But such things are necessary. The galaxy must be brought to true order.
I went to Padme’s parent’s home, but I knew even before entering that she was not present. I demanded to know where she was, and to my surprise, they told me. With the looks of vicious hate in their eyes – those familiar brown eyes – I had thought that they would not. I took no notice, then, of the dried tracks of tears, the sorrowful hush that had seemed to have fallen over the household. I did not even ask why she was not with her family.
I went to the meadow. I remembered it, of course. For there, we had truly known each other for the first time. I have always known that I loved her. Always. But in that moment on that day, those years ago, she realized our destiny. It was not a softening in her eyes, but a firm confidence that came out of knowledge. Later, her doubts – her dedication to her duty – came to the fore, but that moment still lives in that it was the first.
I ordered the troops that came with me to the meadow to stay behind, with the ship. Scout ships flew across cities, and would soon come to the meadow, searching for traitors and resistors. I walked pass the gently rolling hills, the long grass crunched beneath my boots. I could not feel them at all through my armor, and could only take notice of their green color in a distant way, through the electronic vision of my helmet.
Then I saw her. She lay on the ground, very still. Her stillness – the fact that she did not rise to meet me – gave me a bad feeling. I felt a murmur through the Force. Not through the Living Force, but a quake that rippled through the future.
She wore that dress. The same dress she had worn on that perfect day. It was a beautiful yellow, not the color of sand, or the fiery color of a sun, but the brightness of summer day. Lace and intricate threading gave it a regality fitting for Padme. Her hair was undone and in perfect spiral curls, that loosely spread about her head. Her arms were flung out to her sides, as if she were embracing the sky.
I knelt by her. Her eyes were open, but the normally vivid brown was flat and dark. I almost reached out to touch her. She was not breathing, but there was some fading awareness in her eyes.
Her head tilted back just slightly, and her lips curved into a gentle smile.
I was breathless, speechless. I could not bear to understand what the Force was telling me, but it was insistent, remorseless, and I hated it in that moment, even the power it gave me. Hate.
I took her by the shoulders, dragged her into my arms. I tried to feel her, tried to feel that beat that I could always feel in my heart. My mind begged for her warmth, for that life. But there was nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
Through the leather of my glove, I could feel the limpness of death, the laxness. I pulled her tightly to me, embracing her. She was here, I could hold her. That meant she was here, I thought. I looked into her open eyes and thought that, as if by sheer force of will – as if by showing her that her body still remained she must as well.
She was dead, passed beyond me to the Force, to a place within it that I could not reach. A scout ship flew overhead, rumbling in the silence. It was a silence full of thoughts and knowledge too terrible to bear, and the starkness of reality was fully present. And then it waned.
Life was gone. My life – life.
But she still existed, and I knew that. I know that. If one day I am strong enough, skilled enough, I can reach her. She’s within the Force, you see, and that means I can touch her. I just can’t feel her yet. But she’s there. The Dark Side offers such power to those who obey it and follow it’s calling. I can use that power, and feel her again. I’ll feel the beat of her being within my soul, and all will be right, as it was meant to be.
But now . . . now.
Everything is distant. I cannot experience life without her, because everything is faded and unreal. The life-force that was her was also my own. Through her, because of her, I lived. Anything else is merely an echo. Only she could reach beyond this armor, this armor that makes everything feel like it doesn’t exist, because I cannot feel it. I feel as if I am a skeptic, unable to believe in anything I cannot see or feel with my own eyes. Padme made me believe. She changed me, and made see the universe.
But for now, I must be what I am; not yet living, and not yet dead.
Fin.
-----signature-----
atty is the bestest! MS Word is designed by sadists with masochists in mind.  - teh atty
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Enigma_X
Registered:
Apr '02
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Date Posted:
4/7/03 10:38pm
Subject:
RE: Distant (Vader vignette)
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*bursts into tears*
"She was here, I could hold her. That meant she was here, I thought."
Wonderful articulation of that very fundamental denial of loss. He's very child-like in this moment, and it reminds me of him holding his mother and trying to tell her she would be fine even as he feels her dying.
-----signature-----
"A very interesting problem you face, and so we all face, Obi-Wan Kenobi. The Chosen One Qui-Gon gave to us all, not proven, full of fear, and yours to save. And if you do not save him..."
-- Yoda, 'Rogue Planet'
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crystalrain
Registered:
Jan '03
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Date Posted:
4/7/03 11:43pm
Subject:
RE: Distant (Vader vignette)
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Poor lil' Vader! *sniffle* That was so good  and so sad! *sniffles again*
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KatarnLead
Registered:
Oct '02
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Date Posted:
4/8/03 5:00am
Subject:
RE: Distant (Vader vignette)
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Wow.
Where did I ever get a girlfriend who is so talented and gifted??? Oba, darling, that was just amazing.
Amazing.
A brilliant characterisation of Vader, to be sure. In face, just brilliance.
*hugs* 
-----signature-----
I am a penguin...
Oba won my pants!
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Darth_Fruitcake
Registered:
Jan '01
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Date Posted:
4/8/03 12:06pm
Subject:
RE: Distant (Vader vignette)
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Very lovely. I was close to tears.
-----signature-----
This is the first time where I can safely say these boards are going to hell in a hand-basket.
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LadyPadme
Title: Manager Emeritus
Registered:
Sep '02
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Date Posted:
4/8/03 5:48pm
Subject:
RE: Distant (Vader vignette)
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If I was the joy of her heart, Naboo was the joy of her spirit.
In what amazing part of your cerebellum do you produce this wonderful phraseology, obaona? What a sad, beautiful tale!
(Burkie, you kill me! )
-----signature-----
Crest MD Naimé Evil Twin of Gabri_Jade  When a baby smiles the world is happy VOTE OBAMA '08
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obaona
Registered:
Jun '02
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Date Posted:
4/9/03 12:43pm
Subject:
RE: Distant (Vader vignette)
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Enigma_X: Thank you. The odd thing is, while writing this story that part was the main thing I had in mind. I was thinking about the death of my pet years ago, when I was pretty young (younger ) and this story popped into my head. Strange the way these things go, hmm?
crystalrain: Thank you. Even if it made you give me 's.
Burkie:  Thank you!
Darth_Fruitcake: Thank you. And that's a real accomplishment for me, that I was able to write something that makes the reader feel for the characters.
LadyPadme: You're the doctor, you tell me! And thank you. I just kind of thought of it - I had to say something about Naboo, I figured - and then I later realized that it's pretty true. Padme is very loyal, and really feels for her people. And Burkie wanted to know why he was killing you.
On a yet more random note, I'd just like to say something. Really, I just love all you guys (or gals ). *hugs* You're the best! Can't articulate why, even writer that I am ( ) but you are.
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atty is the bestest! MS Word is designed by sadists with masochists in mind. - teh atty
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Mystic_Ally
Registered:
Feb '03
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Date Posted:
4/9/03 4:11pm
Subject:
RE: Distant (Vader vignette)
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 wow
what a beautiful, touching story, Oba! I read 'Done' about a week ago and had actually been wondering what Vader must have felt at Padme's death, did you read my mind? ?:|
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obaona
Registered:
Jun '02
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Date Posted:
4/11/03 12:12am
Subject:
RE: Distant (Vader vignette)
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Mystic_Ally: No, I didn't read your mind. I have my friends reading my mind, you see, so I wouldn't do that to someone else! And thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed Done and this story.
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atty is the bestest! MS Word is designed by sadists with masochists in mind. - teh atty
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LadyPadme
Title: Manager Emeritus
Registered:
Sep '02
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Date Posted:
4/11/03 4:23am
Subject:
RE: Distant (Vader vignette)
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I just think Burkie is very sweet with all his support for you...not that you don't deserve a ton of applause for all the wonderful viggies you write. It's just adorable. That's all I meant.
-----signature-----
Crest MD Naimé Evil Twin of Gabri_Jade When a baby smiles the world is happy VOTE OBAMA '08
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Gabri_Jade
Title: Fan Fiction Archive Editor Emeritus
Registered:
Nov '02
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Date Posted:
4/11/03 2:45pm
Subject:
RE: Distant (Vader vignette)
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*hugs oba* Another wonderful vignette, dear. Seriously, you're so good at getting into the heads of all of the characters. This was really a phenomenal bit of insight into Vader's thoughts and feelings. Beautifully done.
-----signature-----
Evil Twin of LadyPadme This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us! - Futurama All I can do is be me. Whoever that is. -Bob Dylan The Space Between Heartbeats - L/M AU vig http://boards.theforce.net/b/b1/28870280 !!11!1eleventy
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obaona
Registered:
Jun '02
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Date Posted:
4/12/03 3:55pm
Subject:
RE: Distant (Vader vignette)
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LadyPadme: Oh, okay. Yes, isn't he adorable?
Gabri_Jade: What can I say except thanks? And thanks for not thinking its weird, which it kinda is!
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atty is the bestest! MS Word is designed by sadists with masochists in mind. - teh atty
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KatarnLead
Registered:
Oct '02
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Date Posted:
4/12/03 9:27pm
Subject:
RE: Distant (Vader vignette)
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Oba?? C'mere you!
*cuddles Oba*
-----signature-----
I am a penguin...
Oba won my pants!
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obaona
Registered:
Jun '02
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Date Posted:
7/7/03 6:42pm
Subject:
RE: Distant (Vader vignette)
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Upping randomly.
-----signature-----
atty is the bestest! MS Word is designed by sadists with masochists in mind. - teh atty
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Darth_Leia_6669
Registered:
Apr '03
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Date Posted:
7/7/03 9:43pm
Subject:
RE: Distant (Vader vignette)
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That was a very touching portrayal! Very well done!
--later--
-----signature-----
SOTH: When Worlds Collide http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=28532068&brd=10476 Chapter 17 up 10-8!! Master to Lisbev! Vader for Prez in '08! Check my profile for more stories and art!
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KrystalBlaze
Registered:
Aug '02
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Date Posted:
7/7/03 9:47pm
Subject:
RE: Distant (Vader vignette)
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Oh, oba!!!
*cries*
That was so touching and beautiful!
*huggies*
Very, very nice! *is sniffing*
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2008 Fanfic Awards Saga Hostess
/We'll go together/
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