Jedi Council Forums - Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) ANNOUNCEMENT APRIL 4

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Author	Topic: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) ANNOUNCEMENT APRIL 4
Geith_Jiseo Registered: Dec '04	Date Posted: 12/26/04 9:46pm Subject: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) ANNOUNCEMENT APRIL 4 - Date Edited: 4/18/05 12:15pm (71 edits total) Edited By: Geith_Jiseo
	Rating: PG-13 Characters: Mara Jade, Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Darth Vader, all the usual suspects Genre: Spoof Authors: the very talented and funny JediAngel (this was originally started by her, so she deserves most of the credit) and yours truly Summary: What would have happened to the Rebellion if it were Princess Mara instead of Princess Leia? This fic is for both Mara-fans and Mara-haters to enjoy. Hope you all like it. Enjoy! ------------------------------------------------------ A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... MARA WARS EPISODE IV: A RED-GOLD HOPE It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire. During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the DEATH STAR, an armored space station with enough power to destroy an entire planet. Pursued by the Empire's siniser agents, the beautiful, amazing, perfect, breathtakingly gorgeous, can-do-no-wrong, everyone-loves-her-even-inanimate-objects-adore-her Princess Mara Jade, with her reddish-goldish-red-gold-golden-gold-apple-fiery-molten-colored hair and her fiery greenish-emerald-dragon-greeny-green eyes races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the galaxy, for she is the savior of all mankind and can single-handedly save the universe blindfolded with her hands tied behind her back, and is amazing and kind and supremely magnificient, with the most lovely singing voice in the galaxy, and such a fine, muscular, well-toned body, and a perfectly sculpted still-looks-like-a-twenty-year-old face, oh how I would love to-- AUDIENCE: GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!!!!!!!! NARRATOR: Oh, sorry. I got a little carried away there. SCENE ONE - The hold of the battered transport, the Tantive IV. A female figure, cloaked in white, whose face is shrouded by a hood, is bending down over a small barrel-shaped astromech unit. A small, slender hand slides a disk into one of the droid's cavities. FIGURE: [has some difficulty inserting the disk] Crap! There! Finally, you stupid robot! Now, do exactly as I said, or I'll melt you down into a bracelet. Got it! The rotund droid beeps a trembling acknowledgment. FIGURE: Good! Now, go do it! The female points toward the pod bay, and the terrified R2 unit scurries off as fast as its metal legs will take it. She turns at the sounds of blasters firing nearby and removes her hood to reveal a mane of wavy red-gold hair, fiery green eyes, a pert nose and full ruby-red lips. She rips the white mantle from her shoulders. The shapely girl is dressed in a tight-fitting black and red catsuit with black narthskin thigh boots. FIGURE: I hate white! It's so...bland! The gorgeous redhead pulls her SP-MXK12 mondo-blaster with long range thermo-detonator launcher from her matching holster. She slips into an opening between a series of large pipes and crouches down, skillfully balancing on her five-inch stiletto heels. With steely determination, she takes aim at the open hatch. A team of stormtroopers warily enters through the hatch door. COMMANDER: Look sharp! The astonishingly gorgeous young girl leaps into the center of the walkway, her red-gold hair falling perfectly into place around her exquisite shoulders. Startled by the sight of such breathtaking beauty, the stormtroopers are momentarily stupefied. Quickly, the commander shakes himself from his trance. COMMANDER: There’s one! Set for stun! Before any of the hapless stormtroopers can react, she blasts half of them, including the commander, into molten cinders. One of the troopers manages to hit her with a stun blast, but it barely phases the incredible young woman. A second and then a third blast hit her before she succumbs to unconsciousness. She falls gracefully to the cold metal floor as the Imperial soldiers surround her. STORMTROOPER #1: Criminy! She’s one tough customer! STORMTROOPER #2: And she’s breathtakingly beautiful, too! Just take a look at all that red-gold hair! STORMTROOPER #3: [who, having cowardly crouched behind one of his fellow troopers during the gunfire, had not yet fallen under the spell of the incredibly stunning woman] She’ll be all right. Inform Lord Vader we have a prisoner. SCENE TWO – The main corridor of the now motionless galactic cruiser. The bodies of several crewmembers are haphazardly strewn across the passageway. A tall, black cloaked being is casually tossing another recently deceased ship’s officer to the floor. Flanked by a dozen stormtroopers, the lovely damsel enters through the opposite doorway, her dainty hands bound together with manacles. The troopers jostle each other as they ogle the beauty’s perfectly shaped backside. As she approaches Lord Vader, she kicks several of the limbs of the dead crewmembers out of her path, a glowering frown on her face. VADER: Who are you? I was under the impression this was Senator Leia Organa’s transport ship. MARA: Well, you had it wrong, ventilator breath. I am Princess Mara Jade from the planet Ego. [raises her cuffed hands and tosses her red-gold hair.] You may kiss my hand. Oh, silly me! You can’t because you’re trapped in that metal lung-suit! What are you doing attacking my ship, anyway?! VADER: [ignoring the enchantress’ jibes] Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you. MARA: Ha! Mercy mission! You really don’t know who I am, do you, Lord Clanker? I didn’t make my fortune by running any mercy missions. [holds out her hands and examines her manicure.] Look at that, would ya?! One of your stupid stormtroopers made me break a nail! Now, what are you going to do about it, helmet head?! VADER: [shaking his head, he places his hands on his hips] Oh, very well! Which one of you is responsible for this? TROOPER #2: Tentatively steps forward with his hand up.] I...I’m not sure, but that might have been me, My Lord. [VADER’s hand appears to grip the air. The trooper grabs at his throat, makes gagging and gurgling sounds, and finally flops down on the floor, dead.] MARA: Kewl! You’ll have to teach me that sometime! [tilts her head and steps closer to the tall Sith Lord.] You know, Darthy, you’re not that bad looking--in a kinky sorta way. VADER: [fumbles with his right gauntlet for a moment. He regains his composure and shakes his index finger in MARA’s exquisite peaches and cream face.] You are a part of the Rebel Alliance...and a traitor! MARA: A Rebel! No, way, Vadie! They don’t pay enough! VADER: Take her away! MARA: Fine! Whatever! [As two of the troopers start to pull her away she leans back and winks.] Hey, hey...I’ll see you again later, right, Darthy? -----signature----- Respect my authoritah! Forever Home: A Luke/Callista Story http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=18660452&replies=0 Mara Wars (Humor) http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/17868966/?13
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Ylesly Registered: Oct '04	Date Posted: 12/26/04 11:28pm Subject: RE: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era)
	lol this is funny -----signature----- Crimson Jedi Master Most of the time the "majority" simply means most of the idiots are on the same team
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Geith_Jiseo Registered: Dec '04	Date Posted: 12/26/04 11:41pm Subject: RE: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) - Date Edited: 3/12/05 4:52pm (3 edits total) Edited By: Geith_Jiseo
	Thanks, Ylesly! Here's more: ------------------------------------------------------ SCENE THREE – The parched and barren planet of Tatooine, its twin suns high in the cloudless sky. A young lad and his grizzled uncle watch as a Jawa sandcrawler groans to a stop in front of their modest homestead. The small, cloaked creatures scurry about producing a variety of droids for Owen Lars’ inspection. After much haggling, a disagreement between uncle and nephew and a mishap with one damaged robot, the two walk off with a bronze protocol droid and a squat astromech unit. UNCLE OWEN: You heard what I said, Luke. I want those droids cleaned up before supper. LUKE: Yes, Uncle Owen. Come on, you two. SCENE FOUR – The Lars’ garage. LUKE is hunched down over the twittering R2 robot, trying to pry something from between its casing. A spark sends the boy sprawling on the ground. Suddenly a hologram of MARA JADE, clad in virginal white, is projected across the floor. Even though the hologram is horribly distorted and the sound is full of hiss and crackle, LUKE can tell the young woman is exceptionally beautiful. MARA: [in a continuous loop] Help m...(hiss)...O...(crackle)...B...One...(hiss)...K...bi. You...(crackle) ...only...hope...(hiss). LUKE: [getting down on all fours for a better look at the projection] Who is she? She’s beautiful. No! She’s gorgeous! I’ve never seen anyone even remotely as indescribably beautiful as she is! I must have her! Threepio, tell Artoo to play back the rest of the recording! [Artoo beeps something unintelligible.] THREEPIO: He says he is the property of O... LUKE: I don’t care who he thinks his owner is! I’m his owner now, and I demand to see the rest of it! [Artoo beeps unintelligibly again.] THREEPIO: Artoo says that if you remove the restraining bolt, he might be able to play the entire message back. LUKE: [looking longingly at the astonishingly beautiful girl] Hm? Oh, yeah, well, I guess you’re too small to run away on me if I take this off. THREEPIO: [waving his hands wildly as LUKE pries off the droid’s restraining bolt] Do you think that’s wise . . . oh, dear. [As soon as LUKE settles back on his haunches to view the rest of the recording, the hologram disappears completely. Before he can fly into a tirade, his aunt calls him to dinner.] LUKE: See what you can do with him, Threepio. I’ll be back after supper, and I expect to see the whole hologram! SCENE FIVE - The lovely PRINCESS MARA sits on the edge of a hard metal pallet inside her prison cell. She rolls her eyes, trying to think of something to keep her easily-distracted mind entertained. Her long, shapely legs swing back and forth in slow, graceful arcs. As she leans over to examine a scuff mark on one of her expensive boots, the door slides open and DARTH VADER, Lord of the Sith, steps in. MARA: Well, its about time! Do you have any idea how bored I’ve been? There isn’t even a holovid to watch! And you really need to call in a decorator for this room, Darthy. I mean, I appreciate minimalism as much as the next guy, but it’s just so stark! Where’s the warmth? The ambience? It’s not as if the Empire doesn’t have the money! Let’s be honest, here! VADER: Honesty. Yes, that’s exactly what I am looking for. Now, Your Highness, we will discuss the location of your hidden Rebel base. A cylindrical sphere hummed through the open doorway. Attached to the torture droid were several pain inducing appliances, including a syringe with a long, pointed needle. It hovered in front of the beautiful princess. MARA: You just can’t seem to get it through your metal-encased head that I am not with the Rebels. I don’t have a clue where they are located. VADER motions to the robot and it moves in closer to the helpless beauty. She slides back against the wall of her cell, staring intently at the hypodermic and its gleaming sharp instrument. VADER grabs her arms to prevent her from resisting. MARA: [A slight smile crosses her face as the needle pierces her arm and the serum begins to take effect] Well, so this diversion won’t be a total loss after all. Bring it on, Darthy. I’m glad to see you’re into S&M, too. We really do have so much in common. Switch to: The interior of Grand Moff TARKIN’s war room, sometime later. Lord VADER and Admiral TARKIN are discussing the progress of MARA Jade’s interrogation. VADER: Her resistance to the mind probe is considerable. It will be some time before we can extract any information from her. TARKIN: You have already interrogated her six times today, Lord VADER. Are you sure your methods are effectual? VADER: [intertwining his glove-clad fingers together] Yes, Admiral. They have been quite...productive. TARKIN: [looks at the tall Sith through narrowed eyes as an officer hands him a slip of paper] Still, she has not broken. Hmm...Perhaps she would respond to an alternate form of persuasion. VADER: What do you mean? My method is much more... TARKIN: [interrupting with a wave of the paper in his hand] I think it is time we demonstrate the full power of this station. VADER: [bowing]: As you wish, Admiral. -----signature----- Respect my authoritah! Forever Home: A Luke/Callista Story http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=18660452&replies=0 Mara Wars (Humor) http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/17868966/?13
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LukesTheMan Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 12/27/04 7:21am Subject: RE: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) Second chapter up!
	Very funny stuff! -----signature----- Of Metal and Flesh http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/19859245 Empty Vessel http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/19744934 Proud Master to Annika_Skywalker
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RedGold Registered: Nov '04	Date Posted: 12/27/04 9:12am Subject: RE: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) Second chapter up!
	You know, I love Mara, I really do, but this is so frecking hillarious!!! I do love a good parody...I really do. More! -----signature----- Legend... Recluse... Forgotten... Will one day return... http://www.starwarsfanfic.com
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Geith_Jiseo Registered: Dec '04	Date Posted: 12/27/04 9:13am Subject: RE: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) Second chapter up! - Date Edited: 12/27/04 9:16am (2 edits total) Edited By: Geith_Jiseo
	Thanks, LukesTheMan! Glad you're enjoying it. And there's more to come. And thank you too, RedGold! Here's the next chapter: ------------------------------------------------------ SCENE SIX – A rock-strewn canyon floor. LUKE and THREEPIO race across the sand dunes in LUKE’s battered speeder. They come to a halt beside the little R2 droid. LUKE jumps out and stands in front of the robot. LUKE: Hey! Whoa! Just where do you think you’re going? Artoo beeps sheepishly. THREEPIO stands next to him, his hands on his hips. THREEPIO: We’ll have no more of this O.B. One...whoever, nonsense! Master Luke is your rightful owner now. You are fortunate he doesn’t blast you into a million pieces right here! LUKE: No, no. Well, at least not until after I’ve seen the rest of that message. [looks nervously around] I think we’d better go. Artoo rocks back and forth frantically, beeping a warning of creatures approaching. LUKE and THREEPIO scan the canyon for Tuskens. Suddenly, one attacks the boy, then drags his unconscious body back to the speeder, where he joins two others in ransacking the vehicle. A loud, high-pitched moan is heard, and a wildly-agitated figure appears over the canyon wall. The Tuskens flee. The figure kneels down beside LUKE and revives him. LUKE: Ben? Ben Kenobi? Boy, am I glad to see you! This droid claims to be the property of someone named O.B. One...something. Is he a relative of yours? BEN: O.B. One? Obi-Wan? That’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time. I haven’t gone by that name since before you were born. LUKE: [looks very put out, and tosses a rock across the canyon floor] Then the droid does belong to you. Dang! Artoo beeps excitedly – at last he’s found his contact! Or at least a reasonable facsimile. What difference did it make? It’s not as if he would ever really cross paths with that beautiful, but terrifying, female human again! BEN: Don’t seem to remember ever owning a droid. [The sound of the Tuskens can be heard in the distance.] Luke, pick up the pieces of your other droid and let’s get inside before the Sand People return. SCENE SEVEN – Interior of BEN’s home, which is surprisingly large and well-equipped for a hermitage. LUKE is repairing THREEPIO’s arm while BEN rummages through an old chest. LUKE: [grumbling] It seems no matter where I go, I always end up repairing something! BEN: I have something for you. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough. LUKE: What’s this? It doesn't need to be fixed or anything, does it? BEN: It's your father’s lightsaber. LUKE: [activates the lightsaber and waves it around] Cool! BEN explains what happened to LUKE’s father and what the Force is all about. Then he looks at Artoo. BEN: Let’s see if we can’t figure out where your little friend came from . . . LUKE: [accidentally slices the back off of BEN’s chair. BEN quickly takes the lightsaber from him and deactivates it.] Far out! You know, I saw part of a message... Artoo beeps and then begins to play the message. The extremely distorted yet still stunning holographic vision of MARA Jade appears. BEN: [sits down on the remaining portion of his chair.] I seem to have found it. Wow! She’s hot! MARA: Gen...(hiss)...Obi, years ago you...(crackle)...father...C...n Wars. Now he begs...(hiss)...struggle...(crackle)...pire. Ship...attack...(hiss)...failed. Information...(crackle)...survival...Rebel...(hiss). Placed...memory system...(crackle)...R2. Father...(hiss)...Alder...(crackle)...an. Desperate...Help m...(hiss)...Obi(crackle)...Wan...(hiss)...Kenobi. You...(crackle)...only...hope...(hiss). BEN: That’s odd. I though Bail Organa only had one daughter. Oh, well - this one's definitely hotter than Leia, who's so plain and dull and already looks years older than she is! You must learn the ways of the Force, Luke, if you are going to go with me to Alderaan. LUKE: Alderaan! BEN: [anticipating Luke’s resistance] I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I'm getting too old... LUKE: [jumps up and rushes toward the door] Hot damn! Let’s go! -----signature----- Respect my authoritah! Forever Home: A Luke/Callista Story http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=18660452&replies=0 Mara Wars (Humor) http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/17868966/?13
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RedGold Registered: Nov '04	Date Posted: 12/27/04 9:19am Subject: RE: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) Updated 12/27!
	Well.. if I yell MORE again will I get another? -----signature----- Legend... Recluse... Forgotten... Will one day return... http://www.starwarsfanfic.com
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Jesina_Dreis Registered: Nov '04	Date Posted: 12/27/04 9:30am Subject: RE: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) Updated 12/27!
	This is too funny...thanks to Red for calling my attention to it. Keep going! Jes -----signature----- Stay safe, Ev Big sister to valin_halcyon Rest in Peace, Jeremy http://www.heatherjanes.com http://z9.invisionfree.com/downtime
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Geith_Jiseo Registered: Dec '04	Date Posted: 12/27/04 11:31am Subject: RE: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) Updated 12/27! - Date Edited: 12/28/04 7:33pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Geith_Jiseo
	RedGold: Your wish is my command. And thank you, Jesina, for your kind words. Hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Here's the next post! ------------------------------------------------------ SCENE EIGHT – TARKIN is standing in front of a large observation window in the Death Star’s command center. Behind him, huge double doors slide open and MARA JADE steps in. The left shoulder of her cat suit is torn at the seam and the heel from one of her boots is missing. She still manages to walk with an enticingly sultry sway. She is followed closely by Darth VADER and several stormtroopers, one of whom steps on the back of VADER’s foot. Frustrated, the Sith Lord turns on the troopers. The offending trooper falls to the ground gagging. VADER: I told all of you to stay in the detention center! We have other prisoners to watch! You are not needed here, so go away! And take this body with you! The remaining stormtroopers shuffle off, grumbling. The dozen or so officers and crew members inside gawk at the gorgeous princess as she passes them. As she shakes her glimmering red-gold hair, a couple of them even fall off their chairs. TARKIN: [turning to address the prisoner] Princess Mara. MARA: So, you’re the guy who holds grate-face’s leash, huh? You don’t look like much to me. And [sniffing disdainfully] what’s that foul stench? Maybe you should change colognes! TARKIN: [peering through his narrow eye slits at the remarkably attractive young woman] Charming to the last. You don’t know how hard I found it signing the order to terminate your life. MARA: [flipping her red-gold hair off her shoulder] Yeah, whatever. Hey, could somebody get these binders off me? They’re chaffing my delicate skin. I prefer my handcuffs lined with fur, but Darthy made me leave them in my room. TARKIN: [placing his hand on MARA’s chin] Princess Mara, before your execution, I would like you to be my guest at a ceremony that will make this battle station fully operational. No star system will dare oppose the Emperor now. MARA: A party? Kewl! Will there be any food? ‘Cuz ya know, I haven’t eaten since breakfast. TARKIN: [reaches toward a smudged spot on VADER’s cloak below his neck] Lord Vader, is that...lipstick? VADER: [flicks his cloak behind him] Don’t touch the cloak, Tarkin! You don’t know me that well. TARKIN: [returning his attention to MARA] In a way, you have determined the choice of the planet that will be destroyed first. Since you are reluctant to provide us with the location of the Rebel base, I have chosen to test this station’s destructive power on your home planet... MARA: [in a huff] Hold it there, beak-face! TARKIN:...of Alderaan. MARA: [an incredulous look on her face] Alderaan? Alderaan?! Who cares about that overtly pacifist planet with its mealy-faced princess! My home planet is Ego. And, trust me, there’s enough firepower on Ego to knock this piddling battle station to kingdom come! TARKIN: [confused] Hm – what? I don’t understand. VADER: [crosses his arms and shakes his head] I tried to tell you she wasn’t from Alderaan, but noooooooo – you wouldn’t listen! TARKIN: Ego, huh? That’s too far away. Well, Alderaan will just have to do! MARA: Hey, go ahead and blast that dweebie planet off the face of the galaxy. No loss to me. TARKIN: [dumbfounded] Do you really want to watch millions of innocent people die for no good reason? MARA: [shrugs and stifles a yawn] Better them than me. TARKIN: [regains composure and tries to look menacing] For the last time – where is the Rebel base! MARA: [feigning interest] Okay, okay – I’ll play your little game since you are just soooo serious! Um, they are on...Tatooine! [VADER shakes his head.] No, huh? Okay. Then they’re on Cartooine! [TARKIN shakes his head.] Not there either? Well, then how about Dantooine? [Her captors seem pleased with that choice.] Yeah! That’s it! They’re on Dantooine! TARKIN: You see, Lord Vader, she can be reasonable. [He turns to one of his officers.] Continue with the operation! MARA: You’re gonna go ahead and blow up Alderaan, even after what I said? TARKIN: You are far too trusting, Princess. Dantooine is too remote. But don’t worry, we’ll deal with your Rebel friends soon enough. MARA: [shrugs] They ain’t my friends. TARKIN: Fire when ready! Alderaan is blown into so much space dust. MARA: [clapping her hands] Ooooh, pretty! How kewl is that! Can ya blow up another planet? [looks around the room] Hey! Where’s the buffet?! -----signature----- Respect my authoritah! Forever Home: A Luke/Callista Story http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=18660452&replies=0 Mara Wars (Humor) http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/17868966/?13
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Jesina_Dreis Registered: Nov '04	Date Posted: 12/27/04 11:58am Subject: RE: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) Another post added 12/27!
	Wow....Mara just gets ditzier by the second! Jes -----signature----- Stay safe, Ev Big sister to valin_halcyon Rest in Peace, Jeremy http://www.heatherjanes.com http://z9.invisionfree.com/downtime
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RedGold Registered: Nov '04	Date Posted: 12/27/04 12:02pm Subject: RE: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) Another post added 12/27!
	I have power? YAY!! MORE! I'm laughing my butt off here! And I'm probably the staunches Mara supporter you could ever find! ahem...MORE!! -----signature----- Legend... Recluse... Forgotten... Will one day return... http://www.starwarsfanfic.com
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Geith_Jiseo Registered: Dec '04	Date Posted: 12/27/04 2:45pm Subject: RE: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) Another post added 12/27! - Date Edited: 12/28/04 7:34pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Geith_Jiseo
	Thanks, guys! More awaits: ------------------------------------------------------ SCENE NINE – The central hold of the Millennium Falcon. After procuring the transport services of HAN Solo and his Wookiee partner, CHEWIE, LUKE, BEN, and the droids barely escape capture by the Imperial forces. While the old ship streaks its way through hyperspace, LUKE is practicing stances with his father’s lightsaber. BEN: Remember, a Jedi can feel the Force flowing through him. LUKE: You mean it controls your actions? BEN: Partially. But it also obeys your commands. LUKE: Wow! Does it make you better in the sack? BEN: Well, yes...Especially with a Force-sensitive partner. LUKE: [flashing a broad smile] Awesome! LUKE continues to work with the lightsaber, using it against a seeker robot. A light on the control panel begins to blink. HAN: Looks like we’re coming up on Alderaan. SCENE TEN – The cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. As they come out of hyperspace, the smuggler’s ship is pummeled by asteroids. HAN: What the...? Some kind of asteroid collision. Only it’s not on any of the charts. LUKE: What’s going on? HAN: Our position is correct, except – no Alderaan! It ain’t there! Its been totally blown away! BEN: Destroyed...by the Empire! An Imperial TIE fighter streaks past the Falcon. HAN attempts to catch it. LUKE: He’s heading for that small moon. BEN: That’s no moon. It’s a space station! LUKE: I have a bad feeling about this. The ship is caught in a powerful tractor beam and is dragged into one of the Death Star’s huge docking ports. SCENE ELEVEN – The main hold of the Millennium Falcon. A company of stormtroopers exits the ship, and LORD VADER sends for a scanning crew. As quiet overtakes the freighter, two floor panels pop up. LUKE: Boy, it’s lucky you had these compartments! HAN: This is ridiculous. Even if I could take off, I’d never get past the tractor beam. BEN: Leave that to me. HAN: Damn fool. I knew you were going to say that. BEN: Who’s the more foolish...the fool, or the fool who follows him? HAN: [an incredulous look on his face] What in the cosmos is that supposed to mean? The scanning team enters the ship, making a great deal of noise. A voice from within calls out to the guards at the end of the ramp for help. When the control room duty officer calls to the guards, one appears and indicated his communicator is broken. SCENE TWELVE – The small docking bay control room. The officer, intending on retrieving the inoperable communicator, opens the door and is immediately flattened by CHEWIE. HAN, dressed as a stormtrooper, blasts the other officer. LUKE, also wearing a trooper uniform, quickly follows after them. Artoo hooks into the space station’s main computer system and provides BEN with a readout of the tractor terminal locations. After giving LUKE a last-minute pep talk, BEN leaves. Artoo begins whistling a blue streak, his metal body quivering. THREEPIO: He says “I’ve found her” and “She’s here.” LUKE: Well...who? THREEPIO: Princess Mara. I’m afraid she’s been scheduled for termination. LUKE: No! We’ve got to do something! HAN: Don’t get any funny ideas! LUKE: [frantic] But they’re going to kill her! HAN: [leaning back in a chair] Better her than me. LUKE: She’s rich. Rich and powerful. HAN: [Though still looking dubious, his interest is piqued.] All right, kid. But, you’d better be right about this. SCENE THIRTEEN – The detention center cell block, where PRINCESS MARA is held captive. With CHEWIE posing as a prisoner, LUKE and HAN enter the main control hub and begin blasting. HAN: You go get her, Luke. I’ll hold them here. LUKE makes his way down a corridor and opens one of the doors. He sees the dazzling young princess asleep on her metal pallet. MARA opens her glimmering emerald green eyes, and the boy is stunned by her incredible beauty...and her incredibly tight-fitting cat suit. MARA pulls herself up on an elbow and gives LUKE a strange look. MARA: Aren’t you a little short to be a stormtrooper? LUKE: Huh? Oh, the uniform! [removes his helmet] I’m Luke Skywalker. I’m here to seduce you – I mean, rescue you! MARA: You’re who? LUKE: Luke Skywalker. I’ve got your R2 unit. I’m here with Ben Kenobi! MARA: Ben Kenobi? Who the freak is he? LUKE: Come on! MARA: [never being one to let a decent rescue pass her by, shrugs her shoulders and follows him out through the cell door] Okay, squirt! Lead the way! -----signature----- Respect my authoritah! Forever Home: A Luke/Callista Story http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=18660452&replies=0 Mara Wars (Humor) http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/17868966/?13
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Jesina_Dreis Registered: Nov '04	Date Posted: 12/27/04 3:38pm Subject: RE: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) Yet another post up today! 12/27
	[never being one to let a decent rescue pass her by, shrugs her shoulders and follows him out through the cell door] Okay, squirt! Lead the way! That was great...again, too funny for words. Jes -----signature----- Stay safe, Ev Big sister to valin_halcyon Rest in Peace, Jeremy http://www.heatherjanes.com http://z9.invisionfree.com/downtime
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StarFighter5 Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 12/27/04 3:39pm Subject: RE: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) Yet another post up today! 12/27
	This is so funny! -----signature----- "I hope I slept with you to get the job. if not, then who the hell was that guy?" - Carrie Fisher "Now that I'm a pez and a lego, I shall want for nothing else." -Jeremy Bulloch "Thank you for going to the movies. Especially mine." - George Lucas
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RedGold Registered: Nov '04	Date Posted: 12/27/04 4:45pm Subject: RE: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) Yet another post up today! 12/27
	I’m here to seduce you – I mean, rescue you! can't...breathe...laughing...too...hard... MORE! passes out from lack of oxygen -----signature----- Legend... Recluse... Forgotten... Will one day return... http://www.starwarsfanfic.com
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Jedi_BMK Registered: Sep '04	Date Posted: 12/27/04 4:47pm Subject: RE: Mara Wars Trilogy (Humor, AU, OT-era) Yet another post up today! 12/27
	This is great. Where do you come up with this? Princess of planet Ego. -----signature----- Destiny of the Skywalkers II: Splintered Paths OT AU (L/M H/L A/P) http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28042042/
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