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Author	Topic: Your Daily Dose of Spam - Email!!!
DARTHMOM10 Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 10/9/03 7:34am Subject: RE: Your Daily Dose of Spam - Email!!! - Date Edited: 10/9/03 7:40am (1 edits total) Edited By: DARTHMOM10
	Here's your "Daily Dose of Spam-Email" for Monday, October 6, 2003: From: "Jason F" Subject: Amish Elevator Date: April 6, 2000 10:08:28 AM EDT An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw but especially by two shiny, silver walls that would move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this, Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your Mother." -----signature----- Lightside Jedi Master Is gaire cabhair Dé ná an doras. God's help is nearer than the door. Sarcasm - Just another quality service I provide.
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DARTHMOM10 Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 10/9/03 7:36am Subject: RE: Your Daily Dose of Spam - Email!!! - Date Edited: 10/9/03 7:42am (1 edits total) Edited By: DARTHMOM10
	EDIT: Double-Post!!! -----signature----- Lightside Jedi Master Is gaire cabhair Dé ná an doras. God's help is nearer than the door. Sarcasm - Just another quality service I provide.
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DARTHMOM10 Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 10/9/03 7:37am Subject: RE: Your Daily Dose of Spam - Email!!! - Date Edited: 10/9/03 7:43am (1 edits total) Edited By: DARTHMOM10
	Here's your "Daily Dose of Spam-Email" for Tuesday, October 7, 2003: From: "Osiris Ra" Subject: Company Condoms Date: Mon, 08 Nov 1999 02:45:48 CST Nike Condoms: Just do it. Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling. Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby. Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop. Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker. Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing. Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, But pH balanced for a woman. Macintosh Condom: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple. Ford Condoms: The best never rest. Chevy Condoms: Like a rock. Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did? New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey - you never know. California Lotto Condoms: Who's next? Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever. KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good. Coca Cola Condoms: Always theReal Thing. Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one. Campbell's Soup Condoms: Mmm, mmm, good. General Electric Condoms: We bring good things to life! AT&T Condoms: Reach out and touch someone. Bounty Condoms: The quicker picker upper. Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today? Energizer Condoms: It keeps going and going and going.... M&M condom: It melts in your mouth, not in your hands! Taco Bell Condoms: Get some; make a run for the border. MCI Condoms: For friends and family. Doublemint Condoms: Double your pleasure, double your fun! The Sears latex condom: One coat is good for the entire winter. Delta Airlines Condoms travel pack: Delta is ready when you are. United Airlines Condoms travel pack: Fly United. The Star Trek Condom: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before. -----signature----- Lightside Jedi Master Is gaire cabhair Dé ná an doras. God's help is nearer than the door. Sarcasm - Just another quality service I provide.
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DARTHMOM10 Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 10/9/03 7:47am Subject: RE: Your Daily Dose of Spam - Email!!!
	Here's your "Daily Dose of Spam-Email" for Wednesday, October 8, 2003: From: ElizabethVB Date: Fri, 8 Oct 1999 09:11:02 -0400 Subject: A Bad Day! You Think YOU'VE Had a Bad Day? Still think you're having a bad day? Think again. The following is taken from a Florida newspaper: A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and omehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the otorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm. Now THAT is a bad day... -----signature----- Lightside Jedi Master Is gaire cabhair Dé ná an doras. God's help is nearer than the door. Sarcasm - Just another quality service I provide.
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DARTHMOM10 Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 10/9/03 7:49am Subject: RE: Your Daily Dose of Spam - Email!!!
	And finally for todays presentation of your "Daily Dose of Spam-Email," here's the one for Thursday, October 9, 2003: From: ElizabethVB Date: Tue, 31 Aug 1999 13:06:59 -0400 Subject: What do Angels Look Like? What Do Angels Look Like? Like the little old lady who returned your wallet yesterday. Like the taxi driver who told you that your eyes light up the world, when you smile. Like the small child who showed you the wonder in simple things. Like the poor man who offered to share his lunch with you. Like the rich man who showed you that it really is all possible, if only you believe. Like the stranger who just happened to come along, when you had lost your way. Like the friend who touched your heart, when you didn't think you had one to touch. Angels come in all sizes and shapes, all ages and skin types. Some with freckles, some with dimples, some with wrinkles, some without. They come disguised as friends, enemies, teachers, students, lovers and fools. They don't take life too seriously, They travel light. They leave no forwarding address, They ask nothing in return. They wear sneakers with gossamer wings, They get a deal on dry cleaning. They are hard to find when your eyes are closed, but... They are everywhere you look, when you choose to see. -----signature----- Lightside Jedi Master Is gaire cabhair Dé ná an doras. God's help is nearer than the door. Sarcasm - Just another quality service I provide.
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Angel5000 Registered: Jun '01	Date Posted: 10/9/03 10:26am Subject: RE: Your Daily Dose of Spam - Email!!!
	My goodness!! The laws people have!!! LoL Thanks for the "Smiles" Dm10!! Needed that to relax me before my Spanish test today. -----signature----- ¤Retired Master Of The Lightside¤ What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise. 8/22/02 ** 10/22/03 ----> 08/20/05
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Terpmaniac09 Registered: Jan '03	Date Posted: 10/9/03 10:27am Subject: RE: Your Daily Dose of Spam - Email!!!
	HAHA! -----signature----- "Ward I Think You Were A Little Hard On The Beaver Last Night." - Mrs. Cleaver "I Can't Wait To Eat That Monkey." - Abe Simpson -Attack of the Clones Trivia Contest-
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DARTHMOM10 Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 10/10/03 8:47am Subject: RE: Your Daily Dose of Spam - Email!!!
	Considering how today is my birthday and how I'm feeling a little ahem blue, here's your "Daily Dose of Spam-Email" for Friday, October 10, 2003: From: ElizabethVB Date: Fri, 17 Sep 1999 13:47:08 -0400 Subject: The Life of an Egg If you think life is bad.......How would you like to be an egg? * You only get laid once. * You only get eaten once. * It takes 4 minutes to get hard. * Only 2 minutes to get soft. * You share your box with 11 other guys. * But worst of all..... * The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother. So cheer up.....Your life ain't that bad!!! Pass it around to someone who you feel can use a good lay, I mean day. -----signature----- Lightside Jedi Master Is gaire cabhair Dé ná an doras. God's help is nearer than the door. Sarcasm - Just another quality service I provide.
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Thraxwhirl Registered: Apr '02	Date Posted: 10/10/03 9:25am Subject: RE: Your Daily Dose of Spam - Email!!! - Date Edited: 10/10/03 9:26am (1 edits total) Edited By: Thraxwhirl
	LOL! And there was me thinking my posts are sometimes too risqué! Happy Birthday, BTW, DARTHMOM10. -----signature----- "David Owen emerges shattered from Oliver Reid; Bottomley refreshed after three days on Cross; and Where now for Man raised by Puffins? This is the Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwws." Chris Morris, The Day Today, ("News F**ch").
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DARTHMOM10 Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 10/11/03 9:21am Subject: RE: Your Daily Dose of Spam - Email!!!
	Thanks for the B-Day wishes, Thrax!!! I really do appreciate them!!! Here's a little something that I found and I think is absolutely hilarious!!! Here's your "Daily Dose of Spam-Email" for Saturday, October 11, 2003: From: ElizabethVB Date: Thu, 9 Dec 1999 09:16:02 -0500 Subject: Courses for Women! This is good. There has been an e-mail around for some time about training courses for men. Now, there is finally one for women. Women think they already know everything, but wait...training courses are now available for women on the following subjects: 1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before 2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits 3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits 4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game 5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too 6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His 7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First 8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking 9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging 10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire 11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up 12. Introduction to Parking 13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space 14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat 15. Cooking I: Bringing Back (Turkey) Bacon, Eggs and Butter 16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption 17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People 18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully 19. PMS: "Poor me syndrome" Your Problem . . . Not His 20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To 21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have 22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice 23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together 24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both 25. TV Remotes: For Men Only 26. The Toilet : You can learn to leave the seat up -----signature----- Lightside Jedi Master Is gaire cabhair Dé ná an doras. God's help is nearer than the door. Sarcasm - Just another quality service I provide.
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Thraxwhirl Registered: Apr '02	Date Posted: 10/11/03 9:30am Subject: RE: Your Daily Dose of Spam - Email!!! - Date Edited: 10/11/03 9:31am (1 edits total) Edited By: Thraxwhirl
	Your appreciation is appreciated. Hmmm, how silly did that sentence come out? ?:\| Today's spam would seriously appeal to my buddies from Uni. Especially John. Heh. It's also made me realise what a woman I am, strangely enough. Hmmm. ?:\| Perhaps I'm like Eddie Izzard - a Male Lesbian. [Shrugs] -----signature----- "David Owen emerges shattered from Oliver Reid; Bottomley refreshed after three days on Cross; and Where now for Man raised by Puffins? This is the Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwws." Chris Morris, The Day Today, ("News F**ch").
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Angel5000 Registered: Jun '01	Date Posted: 10/11/03 10:53pm Subject: RE: Your Daily Dose of Spam - Email!!!
	LOL Geeze dm10 some of your posts are a bit "risque" as Adz put it. OoH! that was good!! Yes, that "hanging up" lesson I definately need. Don't know how to do THAT one. -----signature----- ¤Retired Master Of The Lightside¤ What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise. 8/22/02 ** 10/22/03 ----> 08/20/05
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DARTHMOM10 Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 10/12/03 11:00am Subject: RE: Your Daily Dose of Spam - Email!!!
	Thrax - Good to see you dropping by from time to time to take in some good "spam." Angel - "LOL Geeze dm10 some of your posts are a bit "risque" as Adz put it." Sorry 'bout that, Sweetheart. I'm trying to keep them as "clean" as possible and to make sure that any and all "bad words" are edited out completely. There's actually been several spams that I've posted that I've had to change whole sentences to get them to an "un-editable" state. I'll see if I can post some that are, shall we say, "G-Rated" for you for a bit. I'd like to dedicate this one to DARTHVAL and Thraxwhirl ... Two people who've done their best recently to keep me from loosing my faith. Here's your "Daily Dose of Spam-Email" for Sunday, October 12, 2003: From: "Ethan G" Date: Thu, 9 Aug 2001 01:52:59 -0500 (CDT) Subject: That's God Have you ever been just sitting there and all of a sudden you feel like doing something nice for someone you care for? THAT'S GOD ... He talks to you through the Holy Spirit. Have you ever been down and out and nobody seems to be around for you to talk to? THAT'S GOD ... He wants you to talk to Him. Have you ever been thinking about somebody that you haven't seen in a long time and then next thing you know you see them or receive a phone call from them? THAT'S GOD ... there is no such thing as "coincidence." Have you ever received something wonderful that you didn't even ask for, like money in the mail, a debt that had mysteriously been cleared, or a coupon to a department store where you had just seen something you wanted, but couldn't afford? THAT'S GOD ... He knows the desires of your heart. Have you ever been in a situation and you had no clue how it is going to get better, but now you look back on it? THAT'S GOD ... He passes us through tribulation to see a brighter day. DO YOU THINK THAT THIS E-MAIL WAS ACCIDENTALLY SENT TO YOU??? I was thinking of You! Please pass this along and share the Power of God. In all that we do, we should totally give HIM thanks and our blessings will continue to multiply. -----signature----- Lightside Jedi Master Is gaire cabhair Dé ná an doras. God's help is nearer than the door. Sarcasm - Just another quality service I provide.
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Angel5000 Registered: Jun '01	Date Posted: 10/13/03 8:37am Subject: RE: Your Daily Dose of Spam - Email!!!
	DM10 LoL don't worry about it, I was just teasing you. And I've figured you've done some major editing. I've received quite a few of these in my email before and some aren't worded quite as cleanly as you have them. Keep up the good work hun, I Love my daily spam!! This one was great btw! -----signature----- ¤Retired Master Of The Lightside¤ What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise. 8/22/02 ** 10/22/03 ----> 08/20/05
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Angel5000 Registered: Jun '01	Date Posted: 10/13/03 8:54pm Subject: RE: Your Daily Dose of Spam - Email!!!
	Hey DM10 I'm going to hijack your thread and post a Spam I just got in the mail today. I just have to. My apologies. You might be from the Northwest if....... 1. Know the state flower (Mildew) 2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash. 3. Use the statement "sun break" and know what it means. 4. Know more than 10 ways to order coffee. 5. Know more people who own boats than air conditioners. 6. Feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant. 7. Stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal. (Angel5000 note: actually people usually jay walk. they don't REALLY wait- at least not from MY NorthWest) 8. Consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain. 9. Can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Veneto's. 10. Know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon. 11. Know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, and Willamette. (Angel5000 note: I do! I do!! Can you do it? ) 12. Consider swimming an indoor sport. (Angel5000 note: Heck yeah!! You gonna do it outside?? Cold!!) 13. Can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food. 14. In winter, go to work in the dark and come home in the dark, while only working eight-hour days. 15. Never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho. 16. Are not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain," and "Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers." 17. You cannot wait for a day with "showers and sun breaks". 18. Have no concept of humidity without precipitation. 19. Know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind. (Angel5000 note: It really is. I promise) 20. Can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover. 21. You notice "the mountain is out" when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it. 22. Put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka. 23. Switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on. 24. Have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain. 25. Think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists. (Angel5000 note: Heck yeah! You can't use an umbrella in my hometown. too windy. only Tourists use umbrellas) 26. Knew immediately that the view out of Frasier's window was fake. 27. Buy new sunglasses every year, because you can't find the old ones after such a long time. 28. You measure distance in hours. (Angel5000 note: Doesn't everyone ) 29. You often switch from "heat" to "a/c" in the same day. (Angel5000 note: all the time!) 30. You use a down comforter in the summer. 31. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them. 32. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat. 33. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer) Deer & Elk season (Fall). 34. You actually understand these jokes and send them to all your friends in the northwest or those who used to live here! -----signature----- ¤Retired Master Of The Lightside¤ What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise. 8/22/02 ** 10/22/03 ----> 08/20/05
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