Jedi Council Forums - Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular - The official JCC Star Wars and stuff thread

Jedi Council Forums » JC Community » Your Jedi Council Community »

Post Reply | Active Topic Notification | Previous Active Topic | Next Active Topic

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 » - ~~Previous~~ | Next | Reload

Author	Topic: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular - The official JCC Star Wars and stuff thread
Debo Registered: Sep '01	Date Posted: 12/12/01 6:44pm Subject: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular - The official JCC Star Wars and stuff thread - Date Edited: 7/8 1:08am (10 edits total) Edited By: GrandAdmiralJello
	That's right. A self-glorifying thread. ...In which I'm going to post my Star Wars memories just to bore the Hell out of you. This thread, in which I'm king and emperor, will serve as an extended bio of yours truly. I will add posts to it whenever I take some time off from studying (until I start boring myself with it that is; then I'm going to let it die an unheroic death). Be warned. A long time ago, I had an ESB sticker set (Yoda, Luke Dagobah, Han Bespin, Leia Bespin, Falcon Bespin, Chewie in Falcon, C3PO and R2D2) that I had obtained at a little village market near where I live. The bloke sold it to me for one guilder (about two dollars). It must have been pretty old, because I bought it in 1984, when I was 8. At home, I stuck them all on my bedroom wall. By then I had only seen and been aware of ROTJ, so I had no idea where these pictures came from. They just fell out of heaven as far I was concerned. When my mother saw the stickers in my room she sort of laughed because there were two stickers of completely stripped girls included. The fellow at the market must have put them in the set by accident, or perhaps assumed that they were part of Jabba's entourage. I had dutifully stuck them on the wall next to the others. Talk about end of Star Wars magic... For me that was just the beginning. snorts annoyingly See ya! -----signature----- Lando System?
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
1sicmaggot Registered: Nov '01	Date Posted: 12/12/01 6:48pm Subject: RE: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular

	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Debo Registered: Sep '01	Date Posted: 12/13/01 6:46am Subject: RE: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular
	Hello everybody! Welcome to today's post. I think it'd be fun, and justified, to talk about Captain Panaka today. You remember Panaka, of course: he was the utterly worthless 'protector' of Queen Amidala in TPM. Why he was ever hired we'll never know, but these things don't matter; with a character as worthless as Panaka, these posts just seem to write themselves. Why was he so utterly worthless? Let's take a look. First off, the Golden Rule of Panaka: Whatever he says, whatever he thinks, has to be contradicted and refuted. Everybody in TPM neatly follows that rule. "I don't think this is a battle that we can win", the aggressive zombie gnarls to Amidala at one point, spelling doom for the Galaxy as is his wont. He's wrong, of course. "There are too many of them!" he cries during a fight with battle droids, and it takes a Qui-Gon to ease the situation with a "That won't be a problem." Exit utterly worthless Panaka. Man, now that I think about it: he is outright ridiculous. Can't do a thing right. He just dabbles along with Queen Amidala -- but she continually humiliates him. He tells her to stay on Coruscant: she goes to Naboo. He doesn't want her to go to Tatooine: she goes. Behold this exchange, and, for fun effect, imagine Panaka speaking with Threepio's voice: WORTHLESS PANAKA: "You can't take Her Royal Highness there. The Hutts are gangsters! If they discover her...!" No wonder he has to stay in the Royal Ship once they're on Tatooine. For a while they're freed of his scaremonger practices. Further on in the film, Amidala tells him to drop his weapons after they lost a fight with battle droids, but he's not sure. Naturally, he has to obey eventually. -- Captured by battle droids! Can you believe it! They're the most ineffective things in the Galaxy, not counting Panaka, and they succeed in capturing Panaka and his crew! All through the film he's complaining, the only thing he does with any degree of success. That he's not in AOTC doesn't surprise me. Padme had to get rid of him or she would have hanged herself. Anyway, hopefully Typho is a bit more effective -- though the fact he's related to Panaka is not a very good sign. annoyingly See ya! -----signature----- Lando System?
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Kiki-Gonn Registered: Feb '01	Date Posted: 12/13/01 9:04am Subject: RE: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular
	Someone's hyperdrive seems to be leaking. -----signature----- ^^^^^^^^^ If I wasn't so tired, I would have said something really clever
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
B'omarr Registered: Apr '00	Date Posted: 12/13/01 10:52am Subject: RE: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular
	You know, these are very well written. They're also witty and informative at the same time! Like a drunken newscaster. -----signature----- Not the way you thought it was
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Debo Registered: Sep '01	Date Posted: 12/13/01 5:19pm Subject: RE: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular
	as a Bond villain, one that resides in old windy German castles and the like Grrrrrrrreetings! And welcome to my new post. Yes, yet another. Read....or die. (At least I give you the choice). I was 9 when something awful happened. It was my birthday, and birthdays, at least from my 7th year to my 11th year, meant STAR WARS. They meant toys. They meant joy. They meant completing my monstrous Storm Trooper army (in the end something strange happened: by the time I got my 50th trooper, the first 10 had discolored and turned yellow). Sure enough, everything was going as planned that day: I got lots of cool figures, lots of cool play sets. My Storm Trooper army actually stood some chance against my Rebel Alliance now. (Still, they could never beat the 15 Luke Skywalkers: while Luke Bespin Outfit made a feint, Luke Hoth Outfit charged, lightsabre ignited, and Luke Tatooine Outfit covered him). But then my Grandma arrived. She came up to me in my throne room and, after I had succesfully averted her attempt to kiss me, gave me my present. I unwrapped it, and yes! I recognized the familiar Star Wars title card. Boy, was I fooled. It was Star Wars alright. But the joke was on me. She had bought me 'Rancor Keeper'. Yes, the bald ugly pig guy -- the only character in Star Wars that looked like a Buddha, and cried like a girl. The only one that could beat Prune Face at being useless. Rancor Keeper. I didn't even have the Rancor Monster -- what was there to keep? No way on Earth he could join my Storm Trooper army, and my Rebel Alliance, though usually glad to see new recruits, didn't want cry-piggie too. So he was all alone. No place to call his own. Until I did get the Rancor Monster, and Jabba -- but that was much later. Until that time, he was title holder of 'The Grandma Gift', a title that was later acquired by Nien Numb, who never got even near The Falcon when Chewie and Han were in it. Well, a tragedy, isn't it? See ya! -----signature----- Lando System?
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Debo Registered: Sep '01	Date Posted: 12/14/01 8:41am Subject: RE: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular - Date Edited: 8/9/03 12:47pm (3 edits total) Edited By: KnightWriter
	maniacal laughter Today we are -- I am -- going to talk about R5-D4. Because he's back! In AOTC. It says so on the official site. This time he won't disappoint you. R5-D4 didn't have a bad motivator -- he faked it. Here, from ANH: The Jawas sell R5-D4 to Luke and it explodes. After Luke asks Owen if they could buy R2-D2 instead, you see a shot of R2's head with an intact R5-D4 in the background. See? Didn't I tell you he faked it? He just repaired himself immediately and went back in line. Good one. He just didn't feel like joining in on an adventure with a whining farmboy and a panicky gold droid. And who can blame him? He, wisely, opted not to go on a journey with Threepio and Luke, but decided to let R2 do the job instead. And the rest, as you know, is history. The fate of the Galaxy would be different without him. Hmmmm, wait a sec: that's not true. Without R5-D4, Owen Lars would have bought R2-D2 immediately. So, eh...). Oh well. I'm going to defend the other side now: R5-D4 is a pathetic little droid. The Pete Best of Star Wars, who missed out on the great adventure. A pathetic droid, and evil. Yes, evil. Behold THIS, the true reason Prorkins died: And just before Porkins bites the dust, the bastard droid has EJECTED: What do you think about that, my friend? They say that in AOTC, we'll see Watto giving him the famous bad motivator. Yeah, right. Some bad motivator if the thing lasts, what is it, 30 years, up to ANH. That's not a bad motivator. That's a SUPER POWER MOTIVATOR. Why does Luke call R5-D4 an 'R2 unit' in ANH, anyway? Is he blind? Is he mentally retarded? Is he an annoying whining farmboy that likes to pick up whores at Tushi Station and calls them 'power converteeeers'? Here: Owen is negotiating with the head Jawa. Luke and the two robots start off for the garage when a plate pops off the head of the red astro-droid's head plate and it sparks wildly. LUKE: Uncle Owen... OWEN: Yeah? LUKE: This R2 unit has a bad motivator. Look! OWEN: (to the head Jawa) Hey, what're you trying to pull on us? Another insane thing: the POTF action figure of R5-D4, which I bought when I was supposed to be dating, has a rocket launcher in his head. A rocket launcher! What kind of insane non-human supplies a droid that has a bad motivator with a rocket launcher? No wonder all Hell broke loose in that Galaxy. LUKE: "That droid has a bad motivator." OWEN: "Leave it then -- oh no, wait: I'll buy the thing. We'll put a rocket launcher in it tonight and roll it into the streets of Mos Espa for a laugh." Or, in AOTC, like Luke did with R2-D2 in ROTJ: Anakin could store his lightsabre in R5-D4's head. Then he presses the wrong button to retrieve it and BANG -- rocket in his face. Injuries. Vader suit. Anyway, I have a personal R5-D4 story. I once met him. There was a Star Wars exhibition in Rotterdam, where they showed costumes and props from the film, way back in -- was it '85? I was 9. People gazed at Darth Vader, touched Storm Troopers, shook hands with Chewbacca, were photographed with Boba Fett. R5-D4 was there, standing in a corner, but no one even looked at him. Well, I did, but he didn't see me. He just stood there, staring into space (I somehow suspect his AOTC role will require just that of him). I recognized him because I had his action figure. Sad, eh? I did what Owen and Luke never did: I bought R5-D4. Sad. Almost as sad as you are. annoyingly See ya! -----signature----- Lando System?
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
B'omarr Registered: Apr '00	Date Posted: 12/14/01 8:47am Subject: RE: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular
	Oh man, this stuff is awsome! The Rancor Keeper without the Rancor It's funny because it's true! -----signature----- Not the way you thought it was
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Darth_AYBABTU Registered: Mar '01	Date Posted: 12/14/01 8:47am Subject: RE: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular
	Good Lord, this is the best damn thread ever. Keep 'em coming! AYBABTU -----signature----- Sarah Palin for President - ASAP
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Debo Registered: Sep '01	Date Posted: 12/14/01 3:30pm Subject: RE: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular - Date Edited: 5/15/04 10:57am (7 edits total) Edited By: Katya_Jade
	[the screen scrambles, my face appears] Grrrrreetings! And welcome to my thread. I see most of you are avoiding it like the plague, which satisfies me greatly. Soon you'll sing a different tune when my thread becomes a THREAT to world order as we know it. Well, today I'm going to reveal something you all have not been waiting for, but will get rammed down your throat violently anyway: the TOP 10 of LAMEST STAR WARS FIGURES EVER. Let's start right away. 10. BOSHEK BoShek is one strange rocker. Everything -- his suit, his helmet, his blaster, his sideburns -- screams 'tough pilot', yet, when Ben Kenobi, who was looking for a pilot, approached him, he referred the old geezer to the first gigantic aggressive werewolf he saw. Mind you, BoShek, like Han Solo, was a smuggler too, according to the Hasbro propaganda. When the loser realized that he had just missed the job of a lifetime, he must have smacked his forehead a few times. Now Hasbro has given you the chance to give RetroShek something to do. You can buy the fella. However, since he has no spaceship, no friends, no organization, no nothing, just his obnoxious presence, you will either have to invent your own stupid EU story around him, or you have to buy the whole damn Cantina so that you can let him drink away his sorrows at the bar. Or you can let him rot in the stores. It's up to you. 9. LOBOT You knew you were in for trouble when someone gave you Lobot for your birthday. It was the Star Wars equivalent of waking up with a dead horse's head in your bed. Someone, obviously, didn't like you. Lobot, the silent freak, never talked, so you had to come up with a voice for him. Also, you had to have Lando, because without Lando, Lobot had nobody to stand next to. He did have a gun, but who was he going to shoot -- Vader? Fett? Lando? Even his gun was useless. A fitting accessory. 8. 8D8 8D8's description says it all: "The assistant to EV-9D9 in Jabba's Droid Center, the droid 8D8 tortures a small power droid to submission." With descriptions like that, this entry just writes itself. 8D8 was the reason many sane kids were forced to undergo therapy. Imagine the shock when a mother sees her son using an action figure to torture other action figures. How would you react? Alarms bells start ringing. Psychiatrists enter. Traumas and broken families ensue. Thanks, Kenner. 7. GENERAL CRIX MADINE No list of lousiest characters is complete without Madine. Yes, Madine devised a plan to deactivate the Death Star's energy field, or at least that was what we were led to believe, but his hair, his face, his outfit and above all his face prevented any kid from giving this humanoid any authority in his toy Rebel Alliance. Also, he was supplied with a 'battle staff', a simple schoolmaster's stick that his superiors told him was very useful, because no way they would let him have a gun. 6. NIEN NUNB Nien Nunb could fly the Falcon, which was the only thing he did in ROTJ. Still, every normal kid owned at least one Han Solo and one Chewbacca, so there really was no use for Nien Nunb. The worst thing was his voice and language, a strange gurgle that no kid could imitate -- so the only thing left for Nien Nunb to do was sit still in the Falcon's main room. Nien Numb would have been a more suitable name. 5. POWER DROID You knew this one would make the list. Power Droid sometimes was referred to as Gonk, because that was the sound he made. Should the same way of determining one's name be applied to a kid that got Gonk for his birthday, the kid would be named 'Oh Hell no!' A complete and utter waste of precious plastic, Gonk was avoided by even the most die-hard of collectors. 4. FX-7 "Hello, I am FX-7 and I like to stand motionless in some starship. My neck can be extended, but I haven't found out why. Also, I have a couple of thin white arms on which you can hang your dirty laundry." According to Kenner, FX-7 aides 21-B in the Rebel Medical Frigate, but I don't seem to remember there ever was such a ship. Certainly Kenner never made it. So in most kid's Star Wars Universes, FX-7 just floated through space. 3. IMPERIAL DIGNITARY You never knew what imperial dignitaries really were for. They didn't move, didn't talk, had no weapon, and wore clothes The Artist Formerly Known As Prince would have died for. To make matters worse, they had no name at all, so when, say, the Emperor or Darth Vader needed one, for whatever reason, you had to let them say: "Hey! Imperial dignitary! Come over here!" Of course, once he came, they didn't actually know what to say to him. 2. AT-AT COMMANDER There was an AT-AT Driver, and there was an AT-AT Commander. The driver drove the thing, and the commander, well, he commanded. He sat next to the other guy, who looked way cooler than this boney German, and I can imagine him giving all sorts of commandos and orders while the AT-AT Driver just ignores him and drives the AT-AT. The AT-AT Commander, in other words, was lame and useless in the film, and twice as lame and useless as an "action" figure. 1. ANAKIN SKYWALKER [FLASHBACK] Yes, as is evident in the picture: Anakin Skywalker [Flashback] is one disaster of an action figure. Exactly whose flashback it is remains unclear. A better name would have been ANAKIN SKYWALKER [HAD HE NOT TURNED INTO DARTH VADER]. 'Cause, Christ, the figure as it is presented doesn't even appear in the films, like the other lame figures at least did. This figure, that seems to indicate that Anakin didn't become Darth Vader until well into his fifties, is so utterly unnecessary and impossible to fit in any story your action figures may be involved in, that all existing samples of it must be traced and destroyed. For a while, I was considering the equally gruesome EMPEROR PALPATINE [FLASHBACK] for the top spot, this one, but then I remembered that this figure actually appears in the film, even though right now I can't remember Palpatine being busy action painting. There. Happy? Now I'm tired. See ya! [end transmission] -----signature----- Lando System?
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
DARK_SCORE Registered: Oct '00	Date Posted: 12/15/01 3:24am Subject: RE: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular
	Debo, you are the funniest guy in this forum... and perhaps the entire SW galaxy! * Kneels before the sarcastic battledroid in mock veneration * By the way, have you ever been to www.x-entertainment.com? Lots of very funny Star Wars figure stories over there too! See you back in the R5 thread when I'm back at work on Monday! D_S -----signature----- There goes Tokyo. There goes Godzilla.
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Gorm_the_Dissolver Registered: Dec '01	Date Posted: 12/15/01 7:41am Subject: RE: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular
	Yeah! Go Debo! This thread (almost) beats your fab-u-lous R5-D4 tread! See you in there. You rock...etc. -----signature----- Gorm no function Star Wars well without "Oh, Jar Jar. Everyone hates you but me." -Comic Book Guy
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Darth_Destructo Registered: Oct '01	Date Posted: 12/15/01 8:21am Subject: RE: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular
	I foresee a career in Script Writing for you... -----signature----- Lazy Quote System ©2002 Darth_Destructo a. "Indeed." b. "Great post! I almost understood it!" c. "Hmm... leather..." d. "Damn my typos!" <(._.)> Yoda will save us all. <('_')>
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Debo Registered: Sep '01	Date Posted: 12/15/01 11:42am Subject: RE: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular
	opens his eyes Ah! I see you have arrived. Welcome to my thread. It's reassuring to know that it still keeps obnoxious gophers away. Today I am going to relate a story that took place when I was about 8 or 9. I was the kid with the most Star Wars toys in the neighbourhood. In Holland, probably. I had all the main characters, in all their different guises (yes, that includes the girly Han Solo ANH figure), and their ships, I had many a freak, like Squid Head, and I had stuff like Jabba's Band, the Ewok Treehouse, and Yoda's Home. To secure my superiority, I had AT-AT's, X-Wings, Tie-Fighters and Shuttles. Normally, they'd fight against each other, Good vs. Evil, but when my nephew came to play and brought along his puny army, they'd all join hands and crushed it mercilessly. Anyway, one day I heard at school there was another fellow with a Star Wars toy collection. Naturally, I was delighted. My nephew didn't exactly live next door, so most days my Star Wars toys had to battle one another. You see, it's the same as when you trap a group of pigs: they start destroying each other. I met 'the other kid' via a mutual friend, and we agreed to meet up at my holy place the same afternoon. He would bring his toys, I would show off mine, and we would play until late, very late, in the evening. Sure enough, he came. With his mother, because he had one of those mothers that never missed a chance to spy in other people's houses while pretending to be 'interested' in the sort of people her son rubbed shoulders with. He had two -- two -- shopping bags full of toys with him. I let him carry the stuff upstairs, because I had to spare energy to smash his army later on, and we unpacked. It looked good. He had toys I didn't have, like the AT-ST and the Desert Sail Skiff, and the sucker had even managed to obtain the unwanted, un-sought-after and generally avoided Dengar. But then terror struck. You won't believe it, as I almost didn't then, but he had actually never seen the films. Not one of them. He had all these toys, all these prizes, but was clueless as to what it all meant. What's worse, he had invented his own horrible story around it, a story so incredibly unreal it would have scared the Hell out of even the most third-rate EU hack. In a brief moment, space turned and twisted upon itself. While I was gasping for breath, he explained how, in his wicked Galaxy, his Han Solo's formed a group of special fighters that battled a group of evil special fighters, that consisted of Chewbacca and Lando, among others. His Emperor was Han's wise old mother (!), and his Storm Trooper was a robot that helped his Solo army. His Bob Fortuna was a wizard. A wizard! Wizard, Ani! In my panic I tried to explain that there were films attached to the toys, or the other way round actually, and who belonged to the good guys and who was evil, but then he decided I was lying and nothing could convince him otherwise. Then we started playing. My Storm Troopers, utterly confused, suddenly had to fight a lone Storm Trooper who had been told he was a robot; my Chewbacca had to fight a battered version of himself; all Hell broke loose when it was discovered that the Emperor had a clone somewhere that gave himself out as a friendly old woman. Of course, now you think: he is going to say that when the kid left, he was banned from the house forever -- but alas, I wish that I could say that. He, under the impression he had a like-minded friend, came back many, many times, whenever his mother visited mine. He always brought his deranged, brainwashed toys with him, that immediately started to pound and beat mine maniacally (their whole bodies were used as hammers that rose up in the air and rammed everything that was associated with me), and whose supreme leader was the old Anakin Skywalker. My army could never stop the invasion. Soon, I began hiding certain delicate toys such as the Imperial Shuttle and R2-D2. It went even so far that I bought old toys off my nephew and recruited them for my army: old, damaged X-Wing pilots and Hammerheads, that were too depressed to care. Boy, was that messed up or what. See ya! -----signature----- Lando System?
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
DARTH_CELLPHONE Registered: Dec '01	Date Posted: 12/15/01 7:54pm Subject: RE: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular
	Debo your personal thread is pretty damn funny. I'm inspired to do one of my own, but I need time to work on my material. Dude, dynamite stuff. P.S. R5-D4 Rocks!!! I had to, it is a Debo thread. -----signature----- http://www.geocities.com/thezachedition Darth Cellphone's evil powers: communicating over long distances, giving brain tumors, and going off in movie theatres Feel the Force it's set to Vibrate -this space for rent-
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
DARK_SCORE Registered: Oct '00	Date Posted: 12/16/01 6:27am Subject: RE: Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular
	Please keep it coming, Debo! -----signature----- There goes Tokyo. There goes Godzilla.
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 » - ~~Previous~~ | Next | Reload

Jedi Council Forums » JC Community » Your Jedi Council Community »