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Author	Topic: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic!
livejedi Registered: May '04	Date Posted: 5/30/04 3:09pm Subject: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic!
	MR. PALPATINE'S SCHOOL OF EVIL Ever wondered where all of those persons working with the forces of EVIL learned their stuff? Why, at Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil of course! *** SARUMAN: Welcome to wonders of ‘’Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil’, today we will be watching his class in action. frowns I could teach a better class if I tried... grumble C-3PO: appearing out of no where Hello! I am C-3PO human cyborg relations and I am fluent in over six million forms of communication so I will be translating for the convenience of all those watching- Saruman summons up his magic and blasts off Threepio's arm C-3PO: Oh dear... I seem to be missing an arm... AHH!! hides under a leaf ~ In Mr. Palpatine's class ~ Darth Vader sits at the very front, behind him are Sauron, The Master, Davros, Freddy Krueger, The Wicked Witch of the West and many other devilish and nasty beings. Hidden in the shadows in the back corner sits Smeagol. MR. PALPATINE: Hello Class, My name is Mr. Palpatine, spells it on the board P-A-L-P-A-T-I-N-E. Don’t call me Mr. P. or Mr. Freak-Eyes, ok? And if you have any questions, please keep them to yourself. Darth Vader throws a paper airplane at Mr. Palpatine while he isn’t looking MR. PALPATINE: WHO DID THAT? DARTH VADER: It was him! Points at the very very very back student, Smeagol Everyone glares at Smeagol Smeagol goes wide-eyed and looks around innocently EVERYONE: points at Smeagol HE’S A SMEAGOL! Smeagol faints MR. PALPATINE: Good work, student. Have a taffy! DARTH VADER: ^_^ MR. PALPATINE: Now Class, today we will be discussing what it takes to be a professional Dark Lord like myself. cheesey smile Darth Vader throws another paper airplane at Mr. Palpatine MR. PALPATINE: glares and smacks Darth Vader with his pointy pointer STUDENT! TO THE BACK OF THE ROOM! Vader grumbles, picks up his things, and walks to the back of the room, sitting next to a Smeagol The Smeagol pokes at Vader with a pointy Stick VADER: TEACHER! MR. PALPATINE: STUDENT! VADER: That Smeagol is poking me... MR. PALPATINE: You fool of a Gollum! The Smeagol explodes VADER: That shut me up... MR. PALPATINE: Alrighty, class! Now we shall dissect... This SOCK! Pulls the cover off of a jar with a smelly gray sock in it Yoda watches this from the window with his binoculars YODA: MY SOCK! MR. PALPATINE: Now, would anyone like to demonstrate what happens when this sock is on fire? Smeagol pulls himself together SMEAGOL: My precious... Vader puts his hand up VADER: OOH!! Pick me teacher!! I’m ever so evil! The Master tosses a ball of paper at Vader THE MASTER: Teacher’s pet! sticks tongue out MR. PALPATINE: Alright Student! Come up here and light this sock on fire! PROVE YOUR DARKNESSSSS! Yoda whimpers Vader comes up, and sets the sock on fire. A Huge Explosion is caused and everyone gets sent into the air, then comes crashing back down in a black classroom with the walls missing YODA: chuckle Hm! So smelly was my sock that explosive it has become! Mr. Palpatine slaps Vader with his half-burnt pointer MR. PALPATINE: Fool of a Jedi! VADER: MOMMY! sob SMEAGOL: dances before the sock My precious! My precious! SARUMAN: So that is a day of Mr. Palpatine's class... I hope you enjoyed it... smiles Goodnight, and join us to the next day! bows and walks away. The end...? loud voices are heard in the background* MR. PALPATINE: NO! This is NOT the end. Student! Get me my STICK OF DEATH! Vader hands him a regular stick painted red so it looks like a very fake lightsaber Mr. Palpatine waves it menacingly MR. PALPATINE: No one ruins my class with Explosive Socks, who brought this THING IN? Everyone points at Smeagol SMEAGOL: O.O... sweat drop MR. PALPATINE: Well, that wasn’t very nice, Mr. Smeagol presses a button and Smeagol falls into a pool full of rainbowy-delicious skittles SMEAGOL: ACHHH!! They burns!! They freezesss!! MR. PALPATINE: evil grin Now, after what just happened, you all have to stay after school for clean up! Oh... except you, student, you’re excused. VADER: WIZARD! Gets on his little pink girlish bike and rides off over the hill with a corny country music playing in the background MR. PALPATINE: Ahem Right... Well that was interesting... Class! Remember for tomorrow bring your stabbing knives, we’re going to be dissecting a JEDI! C-3PO: OH DEAR! Everyone looks at Threepio C-3PO: Oh... OH DEAR! hides under a leaf To be continued....
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Laura_Anu Registered: Jun '02	Date Posted: 5/30/04 3:36pm Subject: RE: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic!
	Craziness! I think it's funny! -----signature----- "It is true that speed kills. In distance running, it kills anyone who does not have it." - Brooks Johnson Currently taking time off from the boards while I get all of my school/track stuff in order
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livejedi Registered: May '04	Date Posted: 5/30/04 4:09pm Subject: RE: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic!
	Why thank you.
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livejedi Registered: May '04	Date Posted: 6/1/04 9:14pm Subject: RE: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic!
	Day 2 SARUMAN: Everyone is back for more in Mr. Pal- Saruman gets run over by Darth Vader’s little pink girlish bike squish VADER: Beep beep! Out of my way! MR. PALPATINE: ahem Vader bows to Teacher MR. PALPATINE: Sit down and be quiet, Student. Vader sits down in the front row and smiles like the good student he is MR. PALPATINE: Now remember what I promised, Class, today we get to dissect a Jedi. SMEAGOL: JEDI?!?! GAHHH! WE HATES THEM!!! WE HATES THEM!! gets rabies THE MASTER whispering: I thought he hated Baggins. THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST whispering back: Who knows what goes in that mind. MR. PALPATINE: Ah yes, Mr. Gollum, you shall have your revenge. But for now, you’ll have to be put in a box for Class Safety reasons. Shoves Smeagol in a box and locks him in a closet SMEAGOL: !?!?! screams MR. PALPATINE: ahem Right.. anyways.. Bring in.. the JEDI!!! A small box is brought inside by a Nazgul. The box shakes furiously MR. PALPATINE: Now class, be warned, this Jedi is known to attack innocent people with its talkative behavior. It is DANGEROUS. The Box pops open and Qui-Gon jumps out dancing on the table QUI-GON: HI EVERYONE! ^______________^ VADER: AHH!! I’m blind!! Put it away!! Put it away!! Qui-Gon jumps into Vader's arms QUI-GON: You’re my best friend! VADER: O.O sweat drop Mr. Palpatine puts on some gloves and peels Qui-Gon off MR. PALPATINE: Mangy Beast! Qui-Gon gets tied up to the black board MR. PALPATINE: Now, I hope everyone brought his or her stabbing devices! Obi-Wan bursts in, and rips his shirt apart in a dramatic sort of way OBI-WAN: MASTER!!! QUI-GON: Hey Padawan! MR. PALPATINE: AH, excellent... Now we have two of them... I hope someone brought enough knives for everyone to have two! FREDDY: KNIVES! holds up his hands, his classmates look on jealously OBI-WAN: glaring at MR. PALPATINE I DEFY YOU DARK LORD! jumps at him with his manly chest bared MR. PALPATINE: That’s nice... moves aside so Obi-Wan falls out the window. QUI-GON: AW!! Poor Padawan!! smiles MR. PALPATINE: Student, would you do the honors and cut Mr. Jinn’s head off... Student..? Mr. Palpatine pokes Vader with his pointer, who then falls over on the ground. MR. PALPATINE: It’s a card-board cut out! That nincompoop! QUI-GON: Ohhhh, Vader's skipping!! Ooo.... MR. PALPATINE: Quiet, you. Qui-Gon sticks his tongue out QUI-GON: HMM! Smeagol breaks out of the closet and attacks Qui-Gon, ripping him from limb to limb. MR. PALPATINE: Oh dear... SMEAGOL: DIE JEDI! WE HATES YOU! Some Jedi hair flies into the air MR. PALPATINE: Well Class, it seems we saw one of Nature’s beloved creatures obliterate its enemy in action: in this case, The Smeagol. SMEAGOL: GARR! Smeagol snarls at the class, salivating wildly he shakes his head and sprays the front row with spit. FRONT ROW: EW!!! MR. PALPATINE: How fascinating! Somebody shoot it.... Saruman (all bandaged up) suddenly walks in and looks around.* SARUMAN: Why, what a Dump... Mr. Palpatine glares at Saruman MR. PALPATINE: Go away. SARUMAN: I think not MR. PALPATINE: You WILL go away. SARUMAN: No. MR. PALPATINE: Yes. SARUMAN: No MR. PALPATINE: Yes SARUMAN: No. MR. PALPATINE: Yes. Freddy joins in FREDDY: No SARUMAN: Yes. MR. PALPATINE: No. I MEAN! AHH!! Mr. Palpatine glowers at Freddy FREDDY: Eek! hides under his desk MR. PALPATINE: shoves Saruman out of his classroom with a feather duster then shuts the door and locks it Some lint whisper in the corner Mr. Palpatine steps on the whispering lint MR. PALPATINE: Grrr, once again something disturbed my class... Now remember, your class projects are due tomorrow and --- They all rush out the window MR. PALPATINE: BLAST IT! Curse it! GAR! Sits down and sips his coffee grumbling The lint whisper MR. PALPATINE: STOP WHISPERING OVER THERE! To be continued...
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Vongchild Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 6/2/04 5:21am Subject: RE: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic!
	ROFL! hahahahaha!!!! have you ever read anything by Aphy over on fanfiction.net? -----signature----- "Oh," the other clerk said, as if it was nothing new, "You got one of the kid's drawings." http://boards.theforce.net/Beyond_the_Saga/b10477/21158399 - Mechanical Dreams Apprentice to Zonoma "I'd take a Yuuzhan Vong Warrior over Jacen Solo any day."
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Kynstar Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 6/2/04 5:48am Subject: RE: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic!
	That is soooooooooo funny!!! LMAO!! And man did I!! Had several people at work give me the funniest looks! snrk hehehehehe the bit with Qui and Obi was juz hilarious!! Baring his manly chest! snrk hehehehe 'Awww poor Padawan! smiles' that was juz priceless!! Great job! hehehe loving this! -----signature----- Paddy sis to t_s & SarkaVrae/Master to hyperspace_police Member of Rebel Legion and Jedi Assembly (Kynstar Lans) Only thru fear, hatred, and pain will the true power of the Force be revealed. See stories/viggies in bio
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livejedi Registered: May '04	Date Posted: 6/2/04 5:31pm Subject: RE: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic!
	I'm glad I was able to provide entertainment. More soon...
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livejedi Registered: May '04	Date Posted: 6/2/04 5:34pm Subject: RE: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic! - Date Edited: 6/4/04 8:28pm (1 edits total) Edited By: livejedi
	Very, very soon... Day 3 SARUMAN: Hello... Once again.... Saruman gets driven over by Vader little pink girlish bike VADER: BEEP BEEP! Out of my way!! squish MR. PALPATINE: glares as Vader is late to class again Where were you yesterday, Student? VADER: Dead, sir, but I’m all better now that I took my medication. MR. PALPATINE: .... sweat drop Right... Today everyone gets to present something for show and tell, you’re ready aren’t you..? VADER: INDEED! MR. PALPATINE: Then you won’t mind me picking you first. Vader stands up and walks to the front of the class VADER: Most of you may have wondered why I wasn’t in class yesterday evening... WELL! I was actually stalking this guy who had a power more powerful then my power. Which I could stand for because I SHALL BE THE MOST POWERFUL EVER! After you of course! MR. PALPATINE: Sure. VADER: Now, BEHOLD! holds up the One Ring I snuck it out of Sauron's purse when he wasn't looking, I think he was buying a copy of the New York Times and Miss Evil Eye Universe. It’s shiny, golden... and it’s MINE! Hands off... glares THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST: Hmm... Shiny... VADER: With this ring I WILL be able to finally get rid of those disgusting Jedi scum! OBI-WAN: HEY! That’s not very nice, Vader! Vader throws a large rock at Obi-Wan who ducks VADER: ^.^ OBI-WAN: I DESERVE THE RIGHT TO RESPECT! Vader sits back down, while Freddy comes up FREDDY: Ever sick of stabbing your enemy over and over again and it never dies? Well! Your problems are solved! Introducing... takes the blanket off his invention The Kill-Lots-Of-Times Machine 1900! This Handy Dandy tool not only KILLS your enemy, it lets you relax and enjoy his or her pain! Order now and get your free stabbing pencil! THE MASTER: Ohh... What does this button do? presses a button on the Kill- Lots-Of-Times Machine 1900 and it falls apart Freddy glares FREDDY: I'LL GET YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP! Freddy runs after him with his knifey fingers THE MASTER: EEK! runs out and jumps out the window Mr. Palpatine sighs MR. PALPATINE: Well, he gets an F... Smeagol runs in late VADER: LA DEE LA DA! jumps out the window, and rides away on his little pink girlish bike with the corny country song in the background and rides over the hill MR. PALPATINE: CURSE IT!! AHH!! kicks some lint and the whole school crumbles on him Gahhhh........ To be continued...
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Kynstar Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 6/3/04 5:26am Subject: RE: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic!
	hehehehehe the killing machine was great! hehehe!! Can't wait for more! -----signature----- Paddy sis to t_s & SarkaVrae/Master to hyperspace_police Member of Rebel Legion and Jedi Assembly (Kynstar Lans) Only thru fear, hatred, and pain will the true power of the Force be revealed. See stories/viggies in bio
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amidalachick Registered: Aug '03	Date Posted: 6/3/04 4:59pm Subject: RE: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic!
	LOL, LOL, LOL! This is so hilarious!!! I love Vader's bike and the killing machine! LOL! -----signature----- "And it appears to be a long time, Such a long, long time before the dawn..."
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livejedi Registered: May '04	Date Posted: 6/4/04 8:31pm Subject: RE: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic! - Date Edited: 6/6/04 12:20pm (1 edits total) Edited By: livejedi
	Saruman peers suspiciously around him, Vader is not in sight. He sighs, clear his throat and begins to speak SARUMAN: Today, we- VADER: BEEP BEEP! Out of my way! Vader rides in on his little pink girlish bike, squishing Saruman SARUMAN: X_X MR. PALPATINE: Today, class, we’ll be discussing the horrors of Elvish Things. BOB: I like purple hippos. Hippos are kewl. DARK JEDI #1: Aye DARK JEDI #2: Aye DARK JEDI #3: Aye DARK JEDI #4, 5, 6, 7, 8: Aye They all nod in agreement FREDDY: I have a purple hippo! THE MASTER: I have a blue one. VADER: BLUE!? Then your hippo must have mixed with the red hippo to make mine! WHO HAS THE RED HIPPO!? The red hippo sneaks away into a hole FREDDY: >=( Hmm.... MR. PALPATINE: Ayeee, but we have a special guest today! Shoves Legolas in LEGOLAS: O.O; BOB: Hey look, it’s Legolas =P DARK JEDI #7: Yeh, it’s Legolas =P DARK JEDI #1, 2, 3: =P LEGOLAS: ...eeep... MR. PALPATINE: The elf is afraid of me, you see. HE FEARS ME. LEGOLAS: No... I’m afraid of the thing behind you... MR. PALPATINE: What thing? Turns around Qui-Gon Jinn stands smiling MR. PALPATINE: Girlish Scream SAVE ME MOMMY! jumps into Vader's arms VADER: We must kill the Jedi thing! BOB: Aye! DARK JEDI #3: Aye! DARK JEDI #1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8: Aye! They nod in agreement SMEAGOL: JEDISSSSSSS! WE HATES YOU!!! QUI-GON: ^_^ I’m so cute, look at my beautiful hair! twirls a lock around his finger Obi-wan bursts in, his manly chest bursting through his shirt OBI-WAN: MASTER! I'LL SAVE YOU! Grabs Qui-gon and leaps out the nearest window QUI-GON: Weeeeee! MR. PALPATINE: Right... How’s our Elvissssh Friend doing? Legolas stands still with a shocked look on his face MR. PALPATINE: AHAHHA!! Isn’t this wonderful? All his fangirls are MINE! Legolas fangirls come rushing in and beat Mr. Palpatine MR. PALPATINE: GOOD GOD NO! CLASS!! SAVE ME!!! SAVE! MEEEEE! He is no match for a raging horde of girls with raging hormones GIRL #1, 2, skip a few, 99, 100: I LOVE YOU! The class blinks FREDDY: Uh... maybe we should... do something? DARK JEDI#8: Will this be on the Final Exam? All the other Dark Jedi smack him Vader whacks the fangirls away with his lightsaber VADER: DEATH TO YOU LEGOLAS FANGIRLS! WHACK! The fangirls go flying everywhere Mr. Palpatine hides under his desk while the Chaos is going on MR. PALPATINE: Oh the stampede of fangirls... ruining my class... VADER: still battling the crowd of fangirls TEACHER! I must save you for the Better Grade!! Mr. Palpatine goes insane MR. PALPATINE: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Silence The lint whisper MR. PALPATINE: SHUT UP! Blue lightning crackles through the school and the electricity bill explodes and the electric company rejoices Everyone now looks rather frazzled VADER: O.O sweat drop FREDDY: Wow, he like, really needs help n’ stuff. SMEAGOL: My precious precious? MR. PALPATINE: And they ask me why I'm up to twelve packs a day... To be continued...
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Kynstar Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 6/6/04 12:05pm Subject: RE: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic!
	OMG!! This was funny! Qui twirling his hair juz funny!! And Leggy's fangirls hehehehe and how true is that!! Great job! -----signature----- Paddy sis to t_s & SarkaVrae/Master to hyperspace_police Member of Rebel Legion and Jedi Assembly (Kynstar Lans) Only thru fear, hatred, and pain will the true power of the Force be revealed. See stories/viggies in bio
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livejedi Registered: May '04	Date Posted: 6/9/04 6:49pm Subject: RE: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic!
	up
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Azeria_Jade Title: Tipoca City Webmistress Vancouver BC CA Registered: Feb '01	Date Posted: 6/12/04 10:11pm Subject: RE: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic! - Date Edited: 6/12/04 10:16pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Azeria_Jade
	Right. Up -----signature----- Star Wars Alternate Universe Fanfiction: Shroud of Darkness http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=26793660&brd=10476&replies=1 Spoiler free for Shadows of Mindor!
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Kynstar Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 6/12/04 10:24pm Subject: RE: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic!
	This was funnier! Loved the 'hairy Jedi are immortal'! hehehehe and the explosive socks hehe Totally hilarious!! Can't wait for more! -----signature----- Paddy sis to t_s & SarkaVrae/Master to hyperspace_police Member of Rebel Legion and Jedi Assembly (Kynstar Lans) Only thru fear, hatred, and pain will the true power of the Force be revealed. See stories/viggies in bio
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livejedi Registered: May '04	Date Posted: 6/12/04 10:25pm Subject: RE: Mr. Palpatine's School of Evil (Humor, Crossover) First Fanfic!
	Day 5 Saruman lies dead on the floor Mr. Palpatine walks in. His long (and very billowy) black cloak is covered in some grass and twigs MR. PALPATINE: Hello Class... While I was getting here, three trucks ran me over into the woods... and then a Hippo swallowed me.. HIPPO: =O) Naaaaaaaa Mr. Palpatine eats some pills MR. PALPATINE: My anger was released yesterday due to my lack of sanity, in other words, I didn’t take my medication... I’m glad the school is in good condition, it sometimes happens to fall apart. Mr. Palpatine looks around and sees only Vader in the front row MR. PALPATINE: WHERE’S EVERYONE ELSE?!?!?!? VADER: It’s a Professional Day for Dark Things, but I still came, Teacher. Aren’t I a good student? ^.^ I even chased that Whispering lint away. MR. PALPATINE: sarcastically Splendid... Go get yourself a cookie... VADER: ^.^ Mr. Palpatine sits in his desk and plays with some pencils MR. PALPATINE: First Pencil I’m Yoda... and I’m stupid! MR. PALPATINE: Second pencil I have a lighsaber collection! MR. PALPATINE: Third Pencil Shut up, no one cares. MR. PALPATINE: First Pencil I’m Yoda and I have a lightsaber collection! MR. PALPATINE: Second Pencil Shut Up! The Pencils fall to the ground and break The Pencils’ lead whisper MR. PALPATINE: O.O bangs head against the desk That’s it! I give up! VADER: Teacher. ^.^ MR. PALPATINE: WHAT!?!?!!? VADER: I’ll just like to say... I’ve learned a lot... MR. PALPATINE: You have...? VADER: INDEED!. I’ve learned what to avoid when being a True Dark Lord: Legolas, and his fangirls. I’ve learned Hairy Jedi Masters are immortal, and that the socks of Masters are highly explosive. This will INDEED be important for my future evil schemes! MR. PALPATINE: I must say... You do remind me of someone... VADER: Who? MR. PALPATINE: A young me, but without the Little Girlish Pink Bike. VADER: Ah yes, I was planning to get rid of it, but it fit so well with my Hot Pink blanky and my Glowing Eye Nighty Light. MR. PALPATINE: sweat drop Right... You also remind me of a Pink Hippo... WILL YOU TAKE THAT DAMN COSTUME OFF?! VADER: WELL, there were many Hippos this morning... They tried to take my Master Ring, so I had to dress up like a Hippo in order to become one with the group. Muahahah! MR. PALPATINE: sighs HIPPO: =O) Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Vader gets on his Little Girlish Pink Bike and rides off over the country hill Mr. Palpatine takes some more pills and the school falls on him CRASH! HIPPO: >=O( Naaaaa.... What a wonderful week it was, wasn’t It? Tune in next time to see our NEW series!
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