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Author	Topic: All The Wrong Reasons (L/M drabble/viggie, early EU)
Bri_Windstar Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 11/16/04 9:50pm Subject: All The Wrong Reasons (L/M drabble/viggie, early EU) - Date Edited: 11/18/04 8:58pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Bri_Windstar
	Le gasp, three in three months! This came out of needing a distraction from the short story disaster that is slowly, surely, irrevocably driving me insane. But we wont go there. We all know my little obsession with Mara!angst, and I thought it would be interesting to take the basic ideas of another viggie, Tangible, and flesh them out from Mara's actual POV. While this post isnt directly related or in any way a companion/continuation of Tangible, its along those lines. Plus, Mara introspection is always teh cool Un-beta-ed, shortish, distraction, apologies for any and all mistakes, blah blah. Disclaimer: Not mine. No money. Nuff said. All The Wrong Reasons That man is quite possibly the bane of my existence. There’s a reason that I have been such a loner my entire life. People can be so insufferable, so frustrating. There is no one more so than Luke Skywalker. Never in my life has someone been able to drive me to such extremes. It is almost as if he brings out the best and the worst in me. Right now, I’m guessing it’s the latter, because I am this close to snapping. I can’t keep having this same conversation with him. Not about me, my past and future, and the good that I am capable of. At the moment, good is not exactly the word I would use to describe my mood. He just doesn’t get it. I honestly don’t understand him. What could he possibly see in me? He loves me for all the wrong reasons. I’m a disenchanted cynic with a flawed and dangerous past, at best. I don’t want to think about the worst. It’s so hard to trust people, especially now. I never did before, let alone after all that I have learned recently about Palpatine and his New Order, the one I dedicated my life to in the service of the just and the greater good. What a farce that turned out to be. In the face of all that I know now, how can I possibly hope to trust anyone ever again? Yet I trust him, as he trusts me. This I can admit even now, if grudgingly. It was a trust that was not earned lightly, but as exasperated as he could get, he never lost his patience. He never lost his faith in me. He never doubted, he never faltered, and how he maintains such resolve mystifies me. He says that it’s me; that his strength lies in me. He is beautiful in his compassion and idealism, traits that are so far beyond me, but even he is misled. Such strength cannot be found in me when I am his greatest weakness. If I let myself listen, he says that I have every right to feel the way I do. My lack of trust is entirely understandable. I was pawn, a victim, just like everyone else Palpatine used as he saw fit to further his agenda. I couldn’t have known, and there is no shame in fighting for what I believed was right to the best of my abilities. It’s honorable even. His naivety is another one of his more endearing qualities. No, that’s not quite right. He’s seen too much to be that naïve. Perhaps earnestness is a better term. For as much as he’s seen, he hasn’t seen enough. He has no idea what I’ve done in the name of what I believed was right. That would be my cynicism coming through. Another trait he strives to define in gentler terms, but it is more than straightforward outlook on life. It comes from having no solid ground to stand upon. I’m still reeling from the aftershocks of what I have had to face, and I don’t like that sense of weightlessness. The lies are blatant and unyielding, and that’s a hard thing to be confronted with. I have to concede that my entire life was a façade that I didn’t even know I was living under. I refuse to be guileless; I will live up to what I have done and what I have seen. Those are bitter lessons to stomach, and I’m left feeling horribly jaded. I’m left with little else but the few emotions I should be void of most. There’s the hate. I hate Palpatine for what he did to me. I hate what he made me do to others in his high and glorious name. Even more, I hate myself for letting him use me that way. My entire self-concept was destroyed. I don’t even know who I am anymore because all that I believed myself to be was carefully crafted in the hands of an adept and twisted despot. He violated every aspect of myself that I swore I would never leave unguarded. I didn’t even know he was doing it. I don’t know how to let that hate go. There’s the anger, again aimed mostly at me for letting myself be used in such a fashion. All my talent and skill in those years of service was for naught, and I wasted all the following years swearing revenge. Revenge for what? It was all a pipe dream, and it made me fallible. That is failure, and that is simply unacceptable. Am I honestly that blind? There’s the fear above all else, that someone can do that to me. I’ve always prided myself on my wits and my solidarity. It is all I know. If I can’t trust myself, then what am I left with? He says the resolution, the answers that I seek, are found through the process of working through those negative emotions. In letting them go I find the peace that I need. It will always be a struggle for balance; we must always strive toward the ideals that elude us. It’s what gives meaning to life. That worldview is so foreign to me. I don’t know how to see things through such a softened scape. I see the world through cold, hard eyes based on cold, hard facts. My entire life has been built on those facts. Deceit, political backstabbing, constant drilling, and an emphasis on illusion and elusion surrounded and shaped me. It is in these principles that my faults lie. I am uncompromising; he says I am steadfast. I say that I’m detached; he says that I’m intuitive. What I call shrewd, he calls perceptive. What I call brusque, he calls concise. If I say cold, he says pragmatic. Every point I make has a favorable spin to it. The galaxy doesn’t work on such auspicious principles, but then again, that’s the outlook I don’t know how to shake. He sees the good in me, all the things I cannot see in myself. I had those things taken away from me, and I don’t know how to get them back. He’s trying to show me, but he’s coming from a place of reason that I cannot understand. I want to. I want to so badly it hurts. It’s a constant ache I feel deep within. I’m trying, fighting, to get my identity back. It’s tedious; it’s hard; it’s never ending. It’s a steep and gradual path, and he’s there with me every step of the way in spite of all that would have it be otherwise. This, too, I can admit, despite times like now when we’re at such odds. All those traits that I admire about him, everything that was missing in me, are found in him. He has what I need to complete myself. I’m learning, slowly but surely, to find myself through him. He loves me for all the wrong reasons. Maybe that’s what makes him so right. -----signature----- Mediocrity- it takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference before it's too late. * OMG! SO RIDICULOUSLY AND AGGRAVATINGLY PERFECT!- Gabri * 11010110101000101011
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ThePariah Registered: Jan '03	Date Posted: 11/17/04 6:11am Subject: RE: All The Wrong Reasons (L/M drabble/viggie, early EU) - Date Edited: 11/17/04 6:11am (1 edits total) Edited By: ThePariah
	w00t, first reply! Holy crap, that was awesome! You have a great talent for Mara's voice; I literally felt as if it was her reading this to me! This is just so perfectly dead-on for her character then--poor Mara needs a hug, but then she might blast you for it. And Luke is so sweet with his constant positive reinforcement--he'd either make a terrific therapist or a politician for being able to put a spin on everything. Bravo, Bri! -----signature----- Eternal Groveler to rhonderoo, VaderLVR64, Knight_Aragorn, Oba, & the SJRS crew Has a postcard from the Dark Side. "I suspect that most if not all the world's ills could be cured by humour transplants."--Karen Traviss TEMPORARY SET-UP!!!
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Jedi-2B Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 11/17/04 6:15am Subject: RE: All The Wrong Reasons (L/M drabble/viggie, early EU) - Date Edited: 11/17/04 6:16am (1 edits total) Edited By: Jedi-2B
	I think this is the best introspection from Mara's POV that I've ever read. It's spot-on as to how she would think, and it could easily be inserted into any L/M fanfic or pro-novel. In fact, it's better than the way that most of the pro works portray Mara. Bravo! -----signature----- It was on her fifteenth day in the darkness of the Nirauan cave when Mara Jade awoke to discover a rescuer had finally arrived. It was not, however, any of the potential rescuers she would have expected. It was Luke. ~~And the rest is history~~
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Gabri_Jade Title: Fan Fiction Archive Editor Emeritus Registered: Nov '02	Date Posted: 11/17/04 10:04am Subject: RE: All The Wrong Reasons (L/M drabble/viggie, early EU)
	Bri-chan! You wrote something again! Lovely job, dearest! Angsty Mara introspection - doesn't get any better than that. I honestly don’t understand him. What could he possibly see in me? He loves me for all the wrong reasons. I’m a disenchanted cynic with a flawed and dangerous past, at best. I don’t want to think about the worst. Perfect! Absolutely dead on. That would be my cynicism coming through. Another trait he strives to define in gentler terms, but it is more than straightforward outlook on life. It comes from having no solid ground to stand upon. I’m still reeling from the aftershocks of what I have had to face, and I don’t like that sense of weightlessness. The lies are blatant and unyielding, and that’s a hard thing to be confronted with. I have to concede that my entire life was a façade that I didn’t even know I was living under. I refuse to be guileless; I will live up to what I have done and what I have seen. Those are bitter lessons to stomach, and I’m left feeling horribly jaded. I’m left with little else but the few emotions I should be void of most. Sometimes I wonder if Mara's discovery of Palpatine's betrayal didn't shape her as much as her upbringing did - how do you ever get past all that? You express the concept beautifully here. It is in these principles that my faults lie. I am uncompromising; he says I am steadfast. I say that I’m detached; he says that I’m intuitive. What I call shrewd, he calls perceptive. What I call brusque, he calls concise. If I say cold, he says pragmatic. is delighted If that isn't perfectly Luke, I don't know what is. That's exactly what he'd say and how he'd look at Mara - and everyone else, too. He is always so determined to see the good in people. You got it down pat, dear. All those traits that I admire about him, everything that was missing in me, are found in him. He has what I need to complete myself. I’m learning, slowly but surely, to find myself through him. He loves me for all the wrong reasons. Maybe that’s what makes him so right. My favorite part. Fantastic ending, darling whippersnapper. -----signature----- Evil Twin of LadyPadme This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us! - Futurama All I can do is be me. Whoever that is. -Bob Dylan The Space Between Heartbeats - L/M AU vig http://boards.theforce.net/b/b1/28870280 !!11!1eleventy
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Jedi_Chani Registered: Aug '04	Date Posted: 11/17/04 10:34am Subject: RE: All The Wrong Reasons (L/M drabble/viggie, early EU)
	What a wonderful vignette! I love good Luke and Mara stuff, and this is great! -----signature----- "I've got a bad feeling about this..." "The enemy to be feared the most is the one who wears the face of a friend."
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StarFighter5 Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 11/17/04 5:46pm Subject: RE: All The Wrong Reasons (L/M drabble/viggie, early EU)
	I really liked this. I got deep into Mara's beliefs. BRAVO! -----signature----- "I hope I slept with you to get the job. if not, then who the hell was that guy?" - Carrie Fisher "Now that I'm a pez and a lego, I shall want for nothing else." -Jeremy Bulloch "Thank you for going to the movies. Especially mine." - George Lucas
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padawan lunetta Registered: May '99	Date Posted: 11/17/04 8:05pm Subject: RE: All The Wrong Reasons (L/M drabble/viggie, early EU)
	Wow...very nice little vignette here Bri! You've captured Mara perfectly...love the title tie in here: All those traits that I admire about him, everything that was missing in me, are found in him. He has what I need to complete myself. I’m learning, slowly but surely, to find myself through him. He loves me for all the wrong reasons. Maybe that’s what makes him so right. Excellent. -----signature----- "You may marry a hutt if you like, just don't expect me to brag about my cute grandchildren." Hal Horn to Corran, I, Rebel Jacen\Jysella Forever!!!
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LadyPadme Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Sep '02	Date Posted: 11/17/04 8:20pm Subject: RE: All The Wrong Reasons (L/M drabble/viggie, early EU)
	Bri, dearest! I read this a while ago, but I was at work, where I shouldn't be surfing the net, so I couldn't reply * and if you don't tell on me to my boss I'll give you another eurocider * In any case, this was a lovely, lurvely viggie! It was PERFECTLY Mara's POV, IMO. It's exactly what I would imagine Mara to think about Luke and how she loves him but finds it hard to fathom what he loves about her. It's such a wonderful mixture of vulnerability and pride that makes Mara so very very human. Wonderfully done, m'dear * sneaks Bri another eurocider while twin isn't looking * -----signature----- Crest MD Naimé Evil Twin of Gabri_Jade When a baby smiles the world is happy VOTE OBAMA '08
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Gabri_Jade Title: Fan Fiction Archive Editor Emeritus Registered: Nov '02	Date Posted: 11/17/04 8:35pm Subject: RE: All The Wrong Reasons (L/M drabble/viggie, early EU)
	I agree with everything my evil twin has said, with the exception of the eurocider. I don't know what's gotten into her. confiscates eurocider and hands Bri a Dr. Pepper instead -----signature----- Evil Twin of LadyPadme This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us! - Futurama All I can do is be me. Whoever that is. -Bob Dylan The Space Between Heartbeats - L/M AU vig http://boards.theforce.net/b/b1/28870280 !!11!1eleventy
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Knight_Aragorn Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 11/17/04 8:49pm Subject: RE: All The Wrong Reasons (L/M drabble/viggie, early EU)
	I love your Mara characterisation! This was an perfect look into her mindset, and you wrote her thoughts on Luke and their relationship so well. Great job! -----signature----- Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. Pieces of Air (ESB short story, complete) - http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/27283200/p1
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TheCrazyRodian Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 11/18/04 1:29am Subject: RE: All The Wrong Reasons (L/M drabble/viggie, early EU)
	::Confiscates the eurocider and the Dr. Pepper and hands over a glass of water:: I'll take those off your hands, oh author of a great vignette. Unless you need caffeine in order to write more, in which case I'll buy you a case. -----signature----- My body wears a green scent, as on the verge Between green laughter and green sorrow I have walked all day Until my legs have gone lame, and still the spring seems spirited away. --Yi Sanghwa
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Jedi Trace Title: • SouthEast RSA • Fan Fiction Manager Registered: Dec '99	Date Posted: 11/18/04 6:15pm Subject: RE: All The Wrong Reasons (L/M drabble/viggie, early EU)
	As you've already heard by now , very nice Mara introspection there. If only they would put material like that in profic, perhaps the Mara bashing crowd would get over....I digress. My favorite line: That man is quite possibly the bane of my existence. Yep. You nailed it. -----signature----- "There are plenty of people who pray for peace, but if praying were enough it would have come to be." ~ Jewel “Umo ji muna, Cade mojo. ” ~ Jan Duursema
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Bri_Windstar Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 11/18/04 8:49pm Subject: RE: All The Wrong Reasons (L/M drabble/viggie, early EU) - Date Edited: 11/18/04 9:01pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Bri_Windstar
	ThePariah: She may need a hug, but she’ll be damned before she admits to that. She may just shoot you for saying that, though. And aye, Luke is teh sweet. But him being a politician is scary. Thank you! Jedi-2B: Wow, thank you! Profic is depressing in its inability to just give us any decent characterization. All we want is a smidge, a sight of who the character really is! Apparently, that’s too much to ask. Thank goodness for fanfic. Gabri_Jade: I tell ya, I’m on a roll. I agree with you totally on the discovery aspect. How could it not? You’re trained and told to stay obscure and not to trust, and then you find out that’s a lie told to you to get you to do your job? You’re nothing more than a means to an end? That’s not something anyone would easily cope with. Yay for Luke characterization! Something that’s foreign territory to me. It’ll probably stay that way, too. And double yay for a semi solid ending from me!! faints dead away Bout time. Thank you so so much, dear! Jedi_Chani: Thank you! StarFighter5: Aah, the joys of exploring Mara’s psyche. So fun. Thank you! padawan_lunetta: I think I get just about every title from within the fic. Or the fic comes from the title idea. Something. Thanks for reading! LP: laughs You aren’t the first, and you won’t be the last, I’m sure. But if not telling means that I get Euro Cider… seals lips I think a lot of people have this misconception that Mara can’t be vulnerable or fallible, which is ridiculous because she IS only human. It’s a misconception from having the idea beaten to death in the pro EU, but whatchya gunna do? toasts with Euro Cider and downs Heee hick Gabri: Hey hey hey!!! You can’t confiscate what you can’t see. takes Dr. Pepper anyway Knight_Aragorn: Thank you! TheCrazyRodian: narrows eyes Yeah, I’ll be needing both the cider and the pop back. The more I have, the more my muse cooperates! At least that’s what I tell Gabri… Thank you! Jedi_Trace: Yeah, but it never hurts to hear it again. And digress away! That’s a very good point, and one that I think many people share. I for one wish I saw more of that. Thanks again to everyone for reading and for the lovely replies! You're all tres must learn to stop abusing the sarcasm face -----signature----- Mediocrity- it takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference before it's too late. * OMG! SO RIDICULOUSLY AND AGGRAVATINGLY PERFECT!- Gabri * 11010110101000101011
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