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Author	Topic: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover) -- June 18th (BST) -- NEW POST!
djcati Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 12/11/04 6:01pm Subject: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover) -- June 18th (BST) -- NEW POST! - Date Edited: 6/17/05 5:44pm (6 edits total) Edited By: djcati
	It's my thousandth post. What do I do with it? Post the most crack fic in the world, of course! Maybe posting it will make me finish it. I've written, um, 50kb in Notepad so far, and it's definitely not even half-finished yet. So much for it being a one-poster. Anyway, here we go -- and watch out for more loveable HP and SW characters in the next post! Which I shall put up...tomorrow. ^_^ Oh yes, and credit for the idea goes to minervasolo, Minerva_Solo on FFN. I don't think she has a JCF username. . . Title: What Planet Are We On Again? Author: djcati Fandom: Star Wars OT / Harry Potter (crossover) Characters: Too many. Rating: PG Notes: In this obviously-AU HP world, the SW OT wasn't released, but the prequel trilogy was, just ten years earlier than IRL. stabs continuity with a spork ---------- Han Solo was afraid. He knew he was in trouble this time; had been in trouble enough to recognise that. But before, it had never seemed real - this time, it was very real. Very real indeed, and there was no hope this time, no odds to be defied. This was it; this was the end of his life, and he knew it. "I love you," the Princess called out suddenly, and Han gritted his teeth so he wouldn't cry. She loved him. Leia Organa loved him. Say it back, you fool, his brain was insisting, before you die. "I know." His brain did the equivalent of slapping its forehead, shrugging and turning away. Smooth. Yeah, she'll really go for that. But it was too late to say anything else, as the platform sunk lower and lower into the pit of freezing, carbonite death. ----- Luke Skywalker swayed from side to side as he balanced on one hand, using the Force to keep himself upright and slowly spin rocks around him. He really was doing rather well, he thought, and so he reached out to pick up his droid as well - and in that instant, lost his concentration and fell over, head first and splat into the swamp mud. Artoo Detoo blatted at him, in a tone obviously meant to convey amusement. "More attention, you must pay, young Skywalker. Failure like this, welcome it is not." Yoda's chiding voice grated on Luke's ears, and he frowned. "I... saw something." [Yeah, mud,] Artoo's beeping translated to, and Luke shook his head, even as he wondered how he knew that. He really was hanging around the droid too much. "A vision?" Yoda asked, disdain evident in his voice. "Han, and Leia... in danger." Mostly Han, he added to himself, rolling his eyes. "In motion, the future always is. Concentrate on training, now, you must," Yoda told him dismissively. "No... this was real. They're in danger. I have to go!" Yoda stared at him for a moment, and Luke self-consciously wiped the mud from his face. "Hmph," the Jedi Master decided, turning away. "No. Now, to the cave, we are heading." "What?" Luke scrambled to his feet and followed Yoda, wondering how the little alien could move so fast when he wanted to. "But I have to go! And I went in there yesterday." Yoda stopped suddenly, and Luke almost fell over him. "Failed, you did, young Skywalker. Again, you must try." Mysteriously, Yoda glanced knowingly at a blank spot in the swamp. "Important plot point, it is." What? "Um... OK, Master, if you say so." Luke shrugged, checked to make sure his lightsaber was clipped to his belt, and stepped towards the cave. He drew to a halt just outside it and breathed in deeply. Maybe this time, he should leave his lightsaber... Nah. Might need it again. "Foolish boy," Yoda muttered behind him, and Luke indignantly took another step forward, disappearing into the mist of the cave. Beeping curiously, Artoo trundled towards the cave, turning his photoreceptor to regard Yoda with clear disapproval. Raising his stick, Yoda hit the droid, and then beckoned him towards the cave. "In we must go, old droid. Follow me." [Old? You're one to talk.] "Quiet you should be, or memory wipe I shall put you in for. Want one of those, you do not, hmm?" Artoo blatted rudely and rolled into the cave ahead of Yoda. Chuckling softly, the Jedi master followed them in, wondering to himself if this story was really worth all the insistent plot points. ----- Han thought about opening his eyes, and decided against it. He wasn't quite sure what was going on now, except that he felt decidedly too warm to be frozen in carbonite. In fact, if he was as stupid as he pretended to be, he might have thought he was lying in a fireplace, except that it wasn't burning him, and he wasn't sure what a fireplace was anyway. "Who is it?" a hushed voice was asking. "I don't know," a bossy female voice replied, "but he shouldn't be here. It's quite impossible." "Why is it impossible?" a softer, yet more insistent voice asked. The female sighed exasperatedly. "Because if I've told you once I've told you a hundred times - it's impossible to get in and out of this castle without permission. " Castle? Han's brain asked him. Where are we, Hapes? Force, no, anything but Hapes. Please don't be Hapes. "Maybe he has permission," the first voice - a boy, Han decided, now that his ears were hearing more clearly - suggested. The female scoffed. "Him? He'd need permission from Dumbledore, or McGonagall at least. And even if he did, why would he be in Gryffindor's fireplace? No, this is quite impossible, and therefore, he's not really here." Han liked that logic. If it was impossible, and he wasn't here, then he could just go to sleep and wake up back on his ship, couldn't he? "Hermione, it's obvious he's here. We just need to work out how and why." "Hmph. Well, I don't like it." Han decided that it obviously wasn't going to work, and he needed to open his eyes and find out where he was. He slowly did so, and realised, with only a little shock, that he was indeed in a fireplace. With green flames. Never mind. "Uh, guys," he tried, coughed to get the ash out of his throat, and tried again. "Guys, do I get a say in this?" "Oh, he's alive?" The first boy's voice sounded disappointed. "I suppose we can ask him, now." Han looked up out of the flames to see who, exactly, the three were. Children, he saw immediately, or teenagers anyway, about fifteen or so. There were two boys and a girl, all extremely strange-looking, and as he studied them closer, the second boy - black-haired and green-eyed, with a strange scar on his forehead - reached out and pulled him out of the fire and to his feet. "Thanks," Han coughed. "No problem." The boy paused, then indicated himself and his friends. "I'm Harry Potter, this is Hermione Granger, and this-" He pointed to the red-haired boy, still crouched on the floor, studying the embers of the burnt-out fire intently. "-is Ron Weasley." Han nodded, wondered why, then shook his head. "Great. I'm Han Solo. Where the hell am I?" The girl stare up at him, frowning. "You don't know?" "Oh, sure, I'm just asking you to be annoying." "This," the girl continued, "is Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. What are you doing here, if you don't know that?" "Like I know." Han frowned suddenly. "Wizardry. Don't tell me you guys are Jedi Knights as well? I've had enough of that to last a lifetime..." Harry glanced at his friends, then back at Han. "Uh, no, we're wizards. And a witch," he added, indicating Hermione. "Wizards and witches." Han laughed. "What, like the fairy tales? With spells and magic wands, like a holoshow or something?" His laughter died instantly as all three children nodded and help up thin wooden sticks - magic wands , he realised. His eyes widened. "Blast, you guys are wizards. What planet is this?" "Earth," said Hermione, as if he really should have known. "Did you hit your head when you landed in the fireplace?" "Obviously," Han answered, finally turning his gaze on the rest of this room. He'd never heard of a planet Earth before. Maybe it was in the Unknown Regions. Was he in Chiss space or something? That couldn't be good. But this whole wizardry thing sounded just like something some crazy Imperial type would think up to fight Jedi, and Han thought the whole thing stank of Thrawn or Fel. A second passed before he remembered that he didn't actually know who either Thrawn or Fel was yet. But it sure stank of them anyway. "You say this is a school?" He directed the question to the bossy girl as he finished his examination of the room - far too grand and expensive-looking, he thought, pulling a face at the portraits on the wall. Definitely Thrawn. "Yes," Hermioned answered, irritated. "Hogwarts. It's the most famous wizarding school in the world," she added proudly, fixing Han with an even more suspicious stare. "Only in the wizarding world," Harry amended. "He's probably a Muggle," he suggested to his friends. "And he's from America - maybe Hogwarts isn't that well-known over there anyway." "America?" What kind of name was that for a planet? "I'm from Corellia ," he told them. At their blank stares, he added, "You know, one of the most famous planets in the galaxy?" Sithspit, this was the Outer Rim. Was this another Adumar? He didn't know what Adumar was yet either, so he ignored his inner monologue once again. "The galaxy?" Harry laughed nervously. "This is just one planet, mate." The red-haired boy - Ron? - scrunched his face up in confusion. "You're not an alien, are you?" "Um, no, I'm human." Han frowned for a second. "I guess I count as an alien on this planet." He looked round the room again, exasperated. "Look, guys, is there something, I don't know, that I can shoot or eat or insult around here? This conversation's getting too surreal." Ron brightened visibly. "You just hang on a sec, and I'll go get Malfoy." Harry grabbed the back of his friend's awful purple jumper as he turned towards the door, and Ron sighed. "All right," he conceded, brushing Harry's hand away irritably. Hermione hmph ed again, said, "Well, I'm going to go and find Professor McGonagall," and spun to face the door. She stalked off, and Han heard a sleepy, irritated voice scolding her as she left via a strangely circular exit. He raised an eyebrow, half amused, half confused, half irritated at the author's use of rhyming and bad maths in one sentence, and turned back to Harry and Ron. "Who stuck a lightsaber up her butt?" Ron snickered and Harry hit him on the shoulder. "She just wants to get this situation resolved," Harry said vaguely, shooting a warning glance at his friend. "We still don't know why you're here, after all." "Yeah, I want to find that out, too." Han shrugged and walked past the two boys to collapse in one of the too-comfortable chairs. "Last I knew, I was dead. Or in hybernation, I'm not sure which," he admitted. "Are you really from another planet?" Ron asked curiously, dropping into the seat opposite Han. Harry sat on the mismatched couch between the two armchairs, taking off his glasses and wiping at them idly. "Yeah. Don't happen to have any starships round here, do you?" Han yawned suddenly, and scowled at his tiredness. Stupid Imperials - why did keeping prisoners awake have to be part of the torture routine? Weren't those stupid machines enough? "I could really do with getting to the rendezvous point right about now. I think we're about a week late." And he would have to find Luke, too, and get the damned kid to help rescue Leia and Chewie. Why did he always have to rescue someone? "Starships?" Ron's eyes were wide. "What's that?" Harry narrowed his eyes cynically at Han as he put his glasses back on. "You don't mean like in Star Trek, do you?" For some inexplicable reason, the phrase Star Trek conjured up deep feelings of hatred in Han, and it disturbed him slightly. "No," he said firmly. "Star Wars, then?" Ah, that was better. Han didn't recognise Star Wars anymore than he did Star Trek , but it gave him a warm fuzzy feeling and almost made him smile. "Yeah, I think so." "Stop talking about Muggle things," Ron insisted, scowling at Harry. "You know I don't know anything about that. Hey, I know," he said suddenly, brightening. "Let's play Exploding Snap!" Han stared at the boy, confused. What the kriff was that? The Exploding part worried him slightly. "Sure?" Ron produced a deck of cards from a pocket and crouched down on the floor, waving a hand for Han and Harry to do the same. Bemused, Han did so, sitting cross-legged on the floor of a room in a school run by Thrawn on a strange planet, and proceeded to play Exploding Snap. He had the strangest feeling that this moment would be the most normal of the entire day. -----signature----- http://admiraljello.livejournal.com/4778.html ----- "I have an A-wing on my laptop!" Yub yub, Commander!
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Miladry Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 12/11/04 6:09pm Subject: RE: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover)
	Oh oh oh I like ! I like this! -----signature----- I am going to need theraphy for the rest of my life... because of ROTS Thank you George Lucas for making this wonderful saga that we all love
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lazykbys Registered: Oct '04	Date Posted: 12/11/04 6:28pm Subject: RE: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover)
	Mysteriously, Yoda glanced knowingly at a blank spot in the swamp. "Important plot point, it is." Ye gods, this is fun! I can't wait until Han sees the PT. Um . . . by the way, there aren't going to be any RotS spoilers, are there? -----signature----- I would greatly appreciate any constructive criticism you can give me. Please feel free to PM me with your comments. . by the same author (click and scroll dowwwn): http://boards.theforce.net/m/b1/17609715/r17736763
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djcati Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 12/11/04 6:34pm Subject: RE: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover)
	Miladry - hee~ yay. ^_^ lazykbys - bwah, thankies. hehe. Um . . . by the way, there aren't going to be any RotS spoilers, are there? OMG NO. stabs spoilers with a spork Only spoilers in this fic will be for the OT (especially ESB, of course), and various EU books (but probably not NJO -- though that depends what the museys tell me to write, of course). -----signature----- http://admiraljello.livejournal.com/4778.html ----- "I have an A-wing on my laptop!" Yub yub, Commander!
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Sara_Kenobi Registered: Sep '00	Date Posted: 12/11/04 7:04pm Subject: RE: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover)
	This is just awesome! Han Solo in Hogwarts is something I never thought I'd read. I wonder how he'll react to everybody else in the school. -----signature----- Flight of Raven's http://boards.theforce.net/non_star_wars_fan_fiction/b10808/30284518/p1/?0
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Vongchild Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 12/12/04 4:28am Subject: RE: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover)
	This is TOOO funny! Handled badly, it could be fangirly, but this is great!!!! Keep it up!!! Loved the deep hatred/warm and fuzzy ST/SW crack. -----signature----- "Oh," the other clerk said, as if it was nothing new, "You got one of the kid's drawings." http://boards.theforce.net/Beyond_the_Saga/b10477/21158399 - Mechanical Dreams Apprentice to Zonoma "I'd take a Yuuzhan Vong Warrior over Jacen Solo any day."
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djcati Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 12/12/04 5:17am Subject: RE: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover) - Date Edited: 12/12/04 5:23am (1 edits total) Edited By: djcati
	Sara_Kenobi -- hee, Han in Hogwarts is fun to write, but everyone else in Hogwarts is even better. >D Vongchild -- But everything I do is fangirly, of course. blank I shall try to keep it funny and not (too) fangirly! I've had enough practice, after all. okies, more for you now. . .ah, finally, my two favourite characters make an appearance. <3 ----- Hobbie groaned as he woke up, his senses immediately assaulted on all fronts - blinding light, Wes's voice, uncomfortable bed, sweaty smell, sour taste. Plus, just to top it all off, a really, really bad headache. "Hobbie! Hobbie, get up !" "Damn it, no," he groaned, covering his ears and squeezing his eyes shut. He tried to remember where he was and how he'd gotten there. OK, the medics had finally let him out of the bacta tank that morning, he'd gotten a few hours rest in his quarters, Wes had dragged him down to the Rogues' lounge, someone had produced a crate of lomin ale. . .that was as far as he got. "Hobbie, get up , you have to see this!" Hobbie groaned again. "Wes, I've seen our room a hundred times already on this mission. I don't need to see it again for a few hours at least." Why did he have to bunk with Wes, anyway? Was it some kind of retribution for a sin in his last life? Was Skywalker mad at him for something? He made a mental note to find Luke at some point and apologise profusely. "No, no, we're not in our room, this is messed up, you have to see it." "Great, you get me drunk and don't even drag me back to our quarters. I just got out of bacta, you know, you're supposed to look after me." Hobbie sighed and finally relented, opened his eyes - and froze. Wes was right - they weren't in their room. Hobbie wasn't sure they were even on the ship anymore. The room was large, larger than anything Hobbie had seen since the Great Temple on Yavin Four. It wasn't made of durasteel like the ship he could've sworn they were on, but lined with expensive-looking wood panelling, and with paintings everywhere . Moving his head slightly, Hobbie noted that he was lying on the floor between two long tables, and up at the head of the room was a raised platform with another, shorter table. But the most extraordinary feature of the room wasn't the wooden panelling, or the tables, or the candles that floated in mid-air; it was- "Look at the ceiling , Hobbie!" Still irritated, Hobbie glared quickly at Wes, who was sitting on the table to the left, his feet on the bench. Then he followed Wes's gaze and stared in awe at the ceiling - or apparent lack thereof. He could see right up into the night sky, an unfamiliar constellation pattern partly blocked by clouds. He winced and covered his eyes when he noticed that it was raining, but moved his arm back to his side when he failed to get even remotely wet. "It's so astral! Must be some kind of vidscreen," Wes mused, finally tearing his eyes from the view and grinning at Hobbie. Hobbie tried to smile at his friend's enthusiasm, but winced when it made his headache even worse. "Pretty big vidscreen," he noted, slowly pushing himself into a sitting position. No drastic change in the level of pain in his head - good. "Yeah, but these guys are rich - look at the wood and paintings. Maybe it's Thrawn," Wes suggested slowly. Hobbie frowned, wincing again - his head seemed to disagree with any expression other than a carefully blank stare. "Who's Thrawn?" Wes offered a rare frown. "I don't know." He shrugged and grinned again. "But he must be rich! Where are we, anyway? I thought we got back to our room in the end." "I don't know," Hobbie replied, slowly standing up and brushing down his creased flightsuit. "But let's not-" "Let's go find out then," Wes suggested, grinning again. He looked round the room quickly for an exit, then grabbed Hobbie's arm and pulled him towards the large, wooden doors. Hobbie pulled his arm free of Wes's as they reached the doorway and scowled at his friend. "I'm quite capable of walking without your assistance, you know." "Hey, you're the one who just got out of bacta." Wes tilted his head, studying the doors, then nodded decisively and pushed on the left one. It swung out into a candle-lit entrance hall, and Wes grinned, grabbing Hobbie's arm again and dragging him through the now-open door. Wes stopped suddenly, and Hobbie stumbled as his body argued with his arm about its location. He looked up and his eyes widened when he saw who was there. "Commander Skywalker!" he gasped, conscious of how rumpled and sweat-stained his flightsuit probably was. On second thoughts, however, Skywalker probably didn't care - he was covered in what looked suspiciously like swamp mud. "Hobbie, Janson! What are you two doing here?" Skywalker seemed as surprised as they were, and self-consciously wiped the mud from his hair - succeeding only in getting even more into it. Hobbie noticed for the first time that Skywalker's droid was beside him, accompanied by the strangest alien he'd ever seen: a short, green, wrinkled thing - and it was carrying a stick. It stared back at him, a crazy, knowing grin on its face, and Hobbie blinked. He felt like he should be scared of that grin, but he was too used to Wes's grins - now those were scary. "Exploring, Luke! You want to join us?" Wes grinned - that very dangerous grin - again and finally let go of Hobbie's arm. "Uh. . ." Skywalker didn't seem to know what to say to that and stared at Wes blankly. He glanced down at his droid, who bleeped at him, and then at the strange alien. "Uh, Master Yoda?" The little alien let out a slow breath, then nodded. "About this place, you must find out. Important to the story, it is." "Stop talking about a blasted story," Skywalker muttered under his breath, wincing as Yoda hit him in the leg with his stick. "Sorry, Master. Uh, sure, Wes," he continued, shrugging. "Let's explore." "Great," Wes said cheerfully, pointing to the grand stairs that were the main feature of the hall. "Let's go, then," he said, setting off towards them. Hobbie followed, with Skywalker, his droid, and the little alien close behind. He couldn't help but have a really, really bad feeling about this. . . ----- Han looked up as the strange door to the common room opened, his brief lapse in concentration resulting in a loud and exultant win from Ron. The bossy girl was back, with an even bossier-looking woman close behind. Well, weren't things improving all the time? "Eat that explosion, Solo!" Ron cried, scooping up the cards from the floor and laughing as another one crackled in his hand. "Wow, maybe I shouldn't have taken one of Fred and George's decks." "Ron!" Harry hissed, nudging his friend and pointing towards the entrance. Hermione stood there, shaking her head in disapproval, and the woman was glaring at the two boys and Han. "Potter, Weasley," she said suddenly, in a sharp voice that had Han wincing. And he'd thought Vader's voice was scary. "What's going on here? Miss Granger came to tell me we had an intruder. Apparently, neither of you had the initiative to do so - and you're playing games with him? Surely you know better than that!" Ron shrugged, smiling ruefully and hiding the deck of enchanted cards behind his back. "Well, he seemed nice enough-" "I imagine Barty Crouch seemed nice enough. I imagine Tom Riddle seemed nice enough. Now step away from the man this instant! You don't know what he's been up to or where he's been!" Han held his hands up innocently and got to his feet, even as Ron and Harry edged away nervously. He didn't understand the woman's analogies, but they seemed to scare the boys. "Sorry for any inconvenience caused, ma'am," he said in his most charming voice, the one that always won over the female staff at customs back home. "I don't mean to-" "Be quiet!" the woman snapped, and Han blinked. "Now see here, lady," he said, dropping the cute act and resting a hand on the blaster at his hip - or rather, where his blaster would have been, had the Imperials not confiscated it. Han cursed the author's tenacious grip on some semblance of continuity. "I ain't caused no trouble, so don't be causing any for me, OK? I want to go home just as much as you want me out of here, so if we all just play nice, maybe it can happen with no disintegrations along the way." The woman seemed shocked that anyone would dare talk back to her in such a manner. "Excuse me , but I am Professor Minerva McGonagall, head of Gryffindor House and deputy headmistress of this establishment, and I shall be accorded the proper respect while you are in this school!" Deputy head? So that meant she answered directly to Thrawn. If Han played his cards right, he could get an audience with the Imperial, kill him, and he'd never have to know who he was! And Han always played his cards right. "I apologise," he said, slipping smoothly back into his charming voice. "I didn't realise your position here. Now, if you just take me to your superior, maybe we can sort out this misunderstanding and we can all get back to normal." "Oh. Well, I imagine Professor Dumbledore will be very interested in meeting you indeed," McGonagall replied slowly. She glanced at Hermione as if for help, but the girl was too busy staring at Han in disbelief. "Yes. So, come with me. Children," she added, glaring quickly at Harry and Ron, "get back to your beds. It's after midnight!" Harry, Ron and Hermione stared dumbly as McGonagall led Han towards the door to the common room, not making a move towards the dorms. Han turned back just as McGonagall climbed through the portrait hole, and shrugged apologetically at them. He waved and turned back to climb through the hole himself, not seeing Harry and Hermione approaching it slowly, or Ron race up to the dorm room to get the twins. They were nice enough kids, he figured as he followed McGonagall down the dark corridor, ignoring the Fat Lady's indignant complaints. Just a little. . .strange. -----signature----- http://admiraljello.livejournal.com/4778.html ----- "I have an A-wing on my laptop!" Yub yub, Commander!
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LaYa_ Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 12/12/04 6:01am Subject: RE: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover)
	This is really funny Can't wait for more! -----signature----- The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.
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Ana_Labris Registered: Oct '00	Date Posted: 12/12/04 6:05am Subject: RE: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover)
	LOL! I love this! gigggles and mutters something about plot points and star trek hating -----signature----- K.E.P.P. Agent #19! I am the one and only Angry Scientist. Darth Vader is my hero.
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Sara_Kenobi Registered: Sep '00	Date Posted: 12/12/04 8:51am Subject: RE: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover)
	I can't wait until they see Dumbledore. -----signature----- Flight of Raven's http://boards.theforce.net/non_star_wars_fan_fiction/b10808/30284518/p1/?0
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 12/12/04 9:14am Subject: RE: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover)
	This is hilarious. I wonder if Hermione recognized Han! Great job with this. -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 11/2/09 jedidas3's Master Merlin - Diplomatic Immunity - http://boards.theforce.net/nswff/b10808/30459852
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Ana_Labris Registered: Oct '00	Date Posted: 12/15/04 2:15am Subject: RE: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover)
	Up! When do we get a posty? -----signature----- K.E.P.P. Agent #19! I am the one and only Angry Scientist. Darth Vader is my hero.
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djcati Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 12/15/04 9:36am Subject: RE: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover)
	LaYa_ -- hehe thanks~ Ana_Labris -- Now now, no Star Trek-hating. . .well. Only a little. Sara_Kenobi -- Buahaha, neither can I. dianethx -- Ah, unfortunately not - 'twas only the prequel trilogy that was released. So unless there is some nasty spoiler ground here that I refuse to step on, she won't have seen Han. ^^ But yay, thanks~ Ana_Labris again - ooh, an up. . .:O You get another post now! Just a short one. . . This post is a very~ short one, because the next one is much longer and it's my favourite part but it's also the last I've written, so I need to write more before I post it. Buaha. So yes. Here you go -- a little piece of crack for today. ^_^ ---------- "Huh?" Luke stopped in the middle of the third floor corridor, suddenly noticing that Artoo and Yoda were longer at his side. He glanced down left and right, then spun round and squinted to try and find them in the darkness of the corridor. He vaguely heard Hobbie and Janson continue walking towards the next flight of stairs, alternately bickering and joking in that extremely annoying way they always did. Apparently, sticking them in the same bunk room just made that worse; he made a mental note to avoid doing that in future. "Master Yoda," he called out in a whisper. "Artoo. Where are you guys?" [Here,] Artoo beeped unhelpfully. Luke squinted again, staring at where he thought the noise had come from, and finally spotted a shadow somewhere by a statue. He slowly walked towards it, his hand on his lightsaber hilt, then stopped with a sudden jolt. His lightsaber. Well, obviously . He ignited it, grinning at the familiar snap-hiss , and wondered why he hadn't thought to use it for illumination before. "Use your weapon so lightly you would, hmm?" Yoda's eyes reflected the electric blue blade, and Luke winced at the disapproval in them. "Well, I- I just thought it would help," he stuttered. He glanced back over his shoulder, but Hobbie and Janson had already gone up the next set of stairs. He sighed and shut off the blade, plunging the corridor into darkness again. "Ah! Fool you are! On, on put the blade!" "What?" Luke ignited the lightsaber quickly, staring in disbelief at the Jedi Master. "But you said-" "Said such use was bad, did I? A question I asked!" Yoda hmph ed and turned away, studying the statue closely. "Light we need, for this puzzle to work out. Guarded by this, an entrance is." He reached up with his stick and tapped the head of the statue, but nothing happened. "Find a way in, we must." "Another plot point?" Luke asked dryly, rolling his eyes. "No," Yoda answered, spinning round to hit Luke on the leg. "Curious, I am." "Well-" Luke stopped and spun round as he heard a voice. A second of silence passed, then footsteps - two sets, he thought - could be heard, running down the stairs. He held up his lightsaber and almost dropped it when he saw who was heading for them. " Han !" he cried out. "Kid? Luke, is that you?" Han stumbled, then ran at top speed towards him, skidding to a halt just before Luke's lightsaber blade sliced his head off. "Kid, you don't know how glad I am to see you. I've been going crazy in this place!" The other person - a woman, Luke could see now, somewhere around Obi-Wan's age, or the age he would have been - ran up to them, a shocked expression on her face. "More intruders!" She glared at Luke's lightsaber disapprovingly, then hmph ed at Artoo and narrowed her eyes at Yoda. "What are you doing up here, elf? Shouldn't you be doing something somewhere else?" Luke's eyes widened and he glanced down at Yoda, surprised to see an amused smile on the Jedi Master's face. "Here I should be," he answered slowly, nodding. "Yes - here." The woman frowned in confusion. "You're not a house elf. . ." She looked up at Luke, and he tried not to take a step backwards. "Well - I'm taking all of you to see Professor Dumbledore, then. Don't move!" She turned towards the statue, stared right at it, and said clearly, "Fruit and Nut Bar!" With a creak, the statue twisted round and up, back into the wall, revealing a tall staircase that grew and grew. The woman stepped onto it as it moved higher and higher, and Han, Luke, Yoda and Artoo all followed suit. Luke wondered briefly how Artoo could balance on the narrow steps, but then, the droid had never been worried by physical impossibilities before, so he didn't wonder for long. When the staircase finally stopped, the group all ascended the final few steps to an ominous-looking wooden door. A hoarse voice called out, "Come in!" After a moment, the door swung open by itself, and they all stepped through to the room beyond. Luke stared round the room in wonder, vaguely noticing Han do the same, and Artoo swivelling his head to catch the whole thing on his built-in holocam. There were ornaments and trinkets everywhere, none of which Luke could name, and portraits on every available wall surface, it seemed. His eyes finally rested on a cluttered desk, behind which sat the oldest man Luke had ever seen - not as old as Yoda, perhaps, but very old indeed. The man was staring at Luke's still-ignited lightsaber, an amused expression on his face. "Why," he said suddenly, catching Luke's eye, "the last time I saw one of those, I was in a Muggle cinema." The woman coughed nervously, and though Luke didn't understand the word 'Muggle' - or cinema fo that matter - it seemed to make her uncomfortable. "Professor Dumbledore," she interrupted, "I caught these intruders wandering the castle. One of them was in the Gryffindor common room!" She waved a hand to indicate Han, and he glanced over at Luke, shrugging. Dumbledore seemed to think about this for a moment, still studying Luke's lightsaber intently. "These are all of them, are they?" "Yes," the woman said firmly. Luke realised she didn't want to imagine the possibility of there being more of them. He thought about Hobbie and Janson, worrying for a moment about their safety - and then worrying, for a significantly longer length of time, for the safety of everyone else in the building. He would definitely have to find them - but no sense letting the woman know. "Where did they come from?" Dumbledore asked, finally looking up at the woman. "Miss Granger told me that this one-" She indicated Han again. "-was in the fireplace when she, Potter and Weasley returned from their study session in the library. The others I found just outside your office." Luke shut off his lightsaber, clipped it to his belt, and stood vaguely to attention. "Sir," he addressed Dumbledore, "I don't mean to cause trouble." "You never mean to cause trouble, kid, it's a natural talent." Luke glared at Han quickly, scowling at his lopsided grin, and turned back to Dumbledore. "My name is Luke Skywalker, this is Captain Han Solo, Jedi Master Yoda, and my droid, Artoo Detoo. Master Yoda, Artoo and I found ourselves in your entrance hall after entering a cave on Dagobah; I imagine Han's situation is similar." "Oh sure, except that Vader was trying to freeze me in carbonite." "What?" Luke stared wide-eyed at Han, then glared down at Yoda. "I told you I had to get to them!" Yoda didn't answer; merely hit him with his stick again. Luke had the feeling he was going to lose all sensation in his right leg one of these days. "If you did not arrive together, perhaps we should go and check that no more of your friends have entered the castle unannounced." Dumbledore winked at Luke knowingly, and he winced. Hopefully Hobbie and Janson wouldn't be causing too much trouble, wherever they were. The woman didn't seem to like that possibility at all, but she swallowed and nodded. "What are we going to do with them, sir?" Dumbledore smiled as he stood up. "I imagine they'll make a nice little stockpile for Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers," he said with a wink, stepping over to the door and pulling it open. "They can't be any less qualified than the last few. Alternatively, we'll help them find their way home, wherever that may be." "Well, sir," Luke said, bringing up the lead as the group filed out of Dumbledore's office, "if you could just direct us to the nearest Rebel Alliance cell, we would appreciate it." "Rebel Alliance," Dumbledore repeated with a chuckle. "If only I'd thought of that before naming the Order. Certainly, young Skywalker, I shall help you find your friends." The man seemed almost as crazy as Yoda, Luke thought, bemused. He shook his head as he followed the others down the stairs, not noticing the shadowy movement behind him in Dumbledore's office. He hoped the old man could help them. They were pretty vaping stuck if he couldn't. -----signature----- http://admiraljello.livejournal.com/4778.html ----- "I have an A-wing on my laptop!" Yub yub, Commander!
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jedi-lelila Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 12/15/04 9:36am Subject: RE: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover)
	Crazy story, but i like it. ~Lelila -----signature----- Ghosts From the Past http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=12695606&replies=0 In love with the most wonderful man in the Galaxy :x I love you darling
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djcati Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 12/15/04 9:43am Subject: RE: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover) -- li'l piece o' crack for the 15th!
	jedi-lelila -- ooh, you posted right as I posted the update. Glad you like it! hee~ -----signature----- http://admiraljello.livejournal.com/4778.html ----- "I have an A-wing on my laptop!" Yub yub, Commander!
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LaYa_ Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 12/15/04 10:05am Subject: RE: What Planet Are We On Again? (HP/ESB crossover) -- li'l piece o' crack for the 15th!
	LOL Another great post! Oh this is so fun and so good -----signature----- The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.
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