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Author Topic: Simpson's SW, Episode I: The Fatman Menace (crossover, humor) Final Update! Completed!
Eon-Wan-Mome_NT  676 posts
Registered: May '03
6634_Darth Homer
Date Posted: 2/28/05 8:59pm Subject: Simpson's SW, Episode I: The Fatman Menace (crossover, humor) Final Update! Completed! - Date Edited: 7/10/05 5:53pm (22 edits total) Edited By: Eon-Wan-Mome_NT
Ohh! worried

I'm nervous since this is my first story post. I must take a deep breath, stretch my clentched knuckles to loosen them so taht I can atculaly tpye wlel (seriously though I am tense!)


Oh well, here it goes. In this story, I will follow the plot of the SW movies, substituting Lucas's characters for Groening's characters..The Simpsons.

A few other characters, from other toons to real life, will pop in here and there as well.


Well, without further ado, I want to tell a story that
takes place:


A long time ago, in a galaxy called Springfield, far far away...





The Simpsons’ Star Wars


Episode 1: The Fatman Menace


Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic of Springfield. The purchasing contracts for essential fuels supplies for outlying star systems is in dispute.

Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade of deadly battleships, the greedy Strickland Propane and Propane
Accessories Federation has stopped all shipping of fuel
sources to the small planet of Texas.

Little do the good people of Texas realize that the blockade is masterminded my an evil Sith Lord; his first step in attempting to achieve universal dominance.

Supreme Chancellor Bill Clinton has secretly dispatched
two Jedi Knights to settle the conflict. But two Jedi, maybe not even all the Jedi will be able to counteract the upset of balance to the Force that this Dark Lord is seeking. Someone is needed to restore balance. That person is a “FatMan”. He is also an ignoramus ‘Menace”. The two Jedi will eventually
find him. His name: Homer Simpson




Hundreds of Strickland Starships surround the planet of Texas, shoeing away all vessels that approach their deadly formation..except one. Strickland Propane and Propane Accessories have agreed to negotiate this situation. Therefore, a small ship sent by the Republic carrying skillful diplomats is allowed to board the Stricklands’ mother ship.


The landing is successful and the two diplomats exit onto the floors of the mother ship dressed in brown robes, their faces veiled in hoods. For these two diplomats are Jedi Knights: Reverend Qui-Gon Lovejoy and his Padawan, Obi-HiDiddlyDoo-Flanders.


The two Jedi are escorted to a waiting room by a golden female protocol droid. They are told that their meeting with the Strickland ambassador will begin momentarily. The droid leaves to fetch the two guests some drinks as they begin to discuss the situation.



"Gee Reverend, I sure hope these negotiations go well." Flanders mentions anxiously. "I’ve been sharpening up the old diplomacy skills but I don’t think I’ve mastered them."


"I’m sure you’ll do fine, Obi-HiDiddlyDoo" Lovejoy replies in a dry, droning voice.


"Well I gosh diddly darn hope so." Flanders says. "I practiced all of yesterday by lining up all my plants and using the Force to communicate with them. I wanted to see if anyone of them was in demand of certain resources.”

A bored sounding Lovejoy comments sarcastically, "That’s great, I’m sure you learned
plenty from that exercise to prepare you for today’s negotiations…with real breathing people, Obi HiDiddly-Doo!"


A worried Flanders, oblivious to Lovejoy’s sarcasm, replies.

"Well, I’m afraid not Reverend. I just got confused. I discovered that that Telly the Tulip was
receiving more sunshine than Allie the Aloe, and Carla the Cactus was receiving more water than Violet the Violet. And Cacti require much less water than flowers, but I didn’t want to deprive poor Carla the water I had already been giving her and take it
away. That would be like stealing. And Allie needed a location closer to the window but gosh diddly darn I did not want to move her from my desk since her scent gives soothes my nasal passages when I am studying my Fabric Cleaning techniques for Jedi Robe book"



"Just keep your thoughts in the Here and Now and you will be fine (Force have Mercy!)"


"Oh my noodle is right on the doodle, Reverend. But I’m still worried. Is there anything else I can do?"


The disinterested Lovejoy, seeing no viable cure for Flander’s naivety, forces out the simplest of all solutions.

"Oh.. well, you can read your Jedi Handbook, that always helps me."

"Ah..sure Reverend." Flanders replies hesitantly. "Um, any particular chapter?”


"No, its all good."


Flanders was tense, but that was because he sensed something far beyond the comprehensive limitations of Rev Qui-Gon LoveJoy. There seemed to be a lot of hostility and tension coming from the other room..where the people they would have to negotiate with were sitting. Flanders wished he was back at
home with his plants again.


*********************************************


Meanwhile, on the main deck of the ship, the leaders of the Strickland Propane And Propane Accessories sit, also preparing themselves for the negotiations. The Viceroy, Hank Hill, is speaking to Queen Marge Bouvier
via hologram, trying frugally one last time to get her to agree to his demands, which would force the Texas government into signing a trade agreement that requires 85% of its citizens’ fuel sources to be imported from The Gas colonies of Strickland Propane.


"Your treaty is preposterous!" Cries out Marge Bouvier. She argues that not only is propane incapable of getting a ship off the ground, but blasts of Bantha
gas have shown to be a more promising heat source for homes and stoves than the so called 'heat producing' microchips installed in the Strickland tanks.


"That is an outrageous lie!" retorts Hank Hill. He argues that Propane is the most reliable and efficient source of heat in the universe. And his new corporate advisor (some dark hooded guy) assures him that his products will be revamped so that all Propane microchips will have a Flux Capacitor installed that will enable all Texas starships the capability of hyperspace travel.


"I can’t believe what I am hearing!" Marge answers back. She cites experimental research projects involving Flux Capacitors that met with disastrous results. Ships had exploded on take off.


"Besides," Marge continues "I’m sure if given the chance, our humble governor will take care of all our fuel requirements. George W Bush is such a philanthropist! Not only will his fuel serve our needs, but he has such noble intentions about outsourcing his services to underdeveloped planets at such a reasonable price! He only requests that the
planets donate the raw materials and then he will set them up with a fuel plan that is so economical!"


"Your highness, I guarantee you, you WILL sign the agreement! Or there will be hell to pay!"


The female protocol droid returns to the main deck after servicing the diplomats with drinks and reported that the diplomats were Jedi Knights.

"Great Ghost of Texas!" Hank Hill exclaims as he waves his arm frantically and knocks the head off of the female protocol droid, "What are Jedi Knights doing here?"



One of Hank’s henchmen, Boomhauer, comments with:


"Ah tale you what, man..dat dern Jedi Council got lotta nerve, man. Bunch a robed sissy with their ray sticks, make dem tink they’re some kinda bad broncos billy club."


Not knowing what to do, Hank Hill calls his new corporate advisor, Darth Sidious who tells him that the Jedi should have never been brought into this and they should be terminated immediately. So Hank Hill orders his second in command, Dale, to release
his toxic exterminating fumes into the waiting room



While on the call, Hank’s 12 year old son Bobby, picks up the droid head, smiles and says “You’re cute! love I will call you Lucy!” as he plants a gushy kiss across the mouthpiece of the protesting droid head.


"Master Bobby" she says "I believe it is contary to my programming to allow your lips to..HMMMMMPPPPHHHHH"

Lucy’s words are stifled.



*****************************************

Meanwhile, back in the waiting room, the Jedi sit patiently when suddenly, through the ventilation vents, the extermination gas poured in as the exit door sealed shut to trap them inside.


"Um, Reverend!" Flanders says with suppressed panic, "I hate to be the rhymey whiney, but I didn’t practice negotiating with extermination spray! My nasal passages won’t stand for this and the fumes are tickling my moustache!"


"Now Obi-HiDiddly-Doo, calm your mind and use The Force to pretend that the smell is the aroma of your flowers."


This exercise worked for awhile, until Hank Hill released a more deadlier toxin: The fumes from the Propane they sell!

The propane fumes came into the room and Lovejoy shouted.

"Obi HiDiddly-Doo, there is no Force exercise for such a foul chemical as this! We must get out of here!"



So Lovejoy and Flanders escape the room (How? They just did, who cares how!) and run down the corridors of the ship until they encounter the maindeck, which was sealed off, thereby protecting Hank Hill and his buddies. But Lovejoy had his lightsaber, and he
sticks it through the sealed door, attempting to break in.


From inside, Hank worries about the situation.

"Ohhh we won’t survive this!"


"This is a conspiracy!” shouts Dale. "The Republic is out to get us ! I’m just glad we got an ominous dark cloaked Sith on our side! That’s a sure sign as any that Democracy will be restored!"


Boomhauer agrees. "Ya got dat right! Sith dog dern no crap, man. They all be watchin over us like dat fluffly old rose of Texas, man..I tell ya dat!"


Hank Hill frantically shouts orders.

"Bobby, activate those battle droids!"


But Bobby is preoccupied. He is still playing with Lucy’s head.


"Bobby! Would you stop kissing that droid head and help to save our lives here?"


Bobby replies with a blushed face.

"Sorry dad..but it is a female droid..listen to its
voice..its soo sweet!"


"Ohhh..that boy ain’t right.. doh! Dale..activate the battle droids. And Bobby, no Lucy for you until you’re 18!"

Hank pulls the head away and Bobby sheds a tear..saying "Bye Bye Lucy"


"Oh thank the maker!" Lucy says "I’m glad you took me away from that..Ahhhhhhhhhh"

Lucy’s speech is stifled again as Hank tosses her head in a cabinet.

Well, Dale does his duty, and Flanders and Lovejoy are plagued with battle droids. They maneuver around them, blocking the blasts from their guns with their lightsabers. With the Jedi preoccupied with the droids, Hank and is buddies are relieved of their
threatening invasion but are still worried about this new plague of events.


Once again, they call out to Darth Sidious, who tells them to have patience. The two Jedi will be destroyed and meanwhile, to show that Strickland Propane and Propane Accessories does in fact mean business, he suggests to Hank that he sent forth an invasion army
of his finest battle droids down to Texas to hold the cities hostage and capture the queen.

Hank follows through on Sidious’s suggestion, and thousands of Strickland ships are released from their blockade formations to descend onto Texas. Unbeknownst to Hank, Rev. Lovejoy and Flanders siege this opportunity to stowaway on board two seperate
ships that is scheduled to depart from the mothership to Texas. They will seek to find the queen and rescue her from further dangers.



To be continued....






 

-----signature-----
"Without Reflection, you will never be able to look into your own eyes"
My Fanfic below: Simpsons Star Wars, Episode 1, The Fat Man Menace
http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/18582548/?64 ]
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TIEPilot051999  23179 posts
Registered: Mar '02
49930_H539: Sailor Venus
Date Posted: 2/28/05 9:18pm Subject: RE: Simpson's Star Wars (revised Episode I-VI story, crossover, humor) - Date Edited: 2/28/05 9:18pm (1 edits total) Edited By: TIEPilot051999
Om my god! shock !

...

This is the FUNNIEST thing I've ever read! laugh x infinity. applause

MORE! grin !

 

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love Devi is my Padme Angel love
All Hail Megatron!
The Tenth Doctor In Sleepy Tower - Third Place Winner
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Eon-Wan-Mome_NT  676 posts
Registered: May '03
6634_Darth Homer
Date Posted: 3/3/05 5:59pm Subject: RE: Simpson's Star Wars (revised Episode I-VI story, crossover, humor)
Thanks for your kind words, TiePilot! Kudos to my very first reader! Maybe I'll have others later, but I am glad you want more of my silly words!


So here comes more happy




**********************************************


Rev. Qui Gon Lovejoy is the first of the two Jedi to make it down to Texas. He is running
amongst the plants of the Texas jungles, (see in this story, Texas is a little different..being that it is not an arid land north of Mexico but in a galaxy far far away) fleeing still more battle droids. Nope, escaping the Strickland starship did not rid him of dangerous droids but instead put him up against even more deadlier enemies, such as the Strickland landrovers!

Lovejoy looked ahead and saw one coming; the huge mass of metal hovering over the ground with the capability of blasting away any object that stood in it way!

Before Lovejoy’s survival instincts took affect, before The Force was able to trigger in
him a warning, a different kind of "force" spared is life: The force of gravity.

Unbeknownst to him, he was running over a wide gutter. An absurd thing for a gutter to be in the middle of the jungle (Remember, I said this was a different place), but there it was, and Lovejoy simply forgot to look down. He tripped over a strange human-sized life form that was sprawled out inside the gutter. Lovejoy fell on his face just before the Land Hover passed over him.

The life form from the gutter then spoke, slurring every word that he said. "Better stay down until that thing is outta sight. Those things are buzz kills, but if you stay down here in the gutter in watch them pass over your face, you can get a helluva rush!" The creature punctuated his statement by releasing a loud, disgusting belch. "BLEEECHH!"

A repulsed Lovejoy jumped up to his feet and looked down at the pathetic being.He was a bi pedal creature that had the hard green skin of a reptile and a long snout. His belly was quite huge as were his bloodshot eyes. This being just laid there chugging a bottle or Corellian Rum.

Releasing the bottle form his lips, the creature moaned "Now can you help me up?"

Lovejoy was embarrassed that a low life form such as this intoxicated thing could save a superior Force
filled Jedi such as himself. He went into denial about this and mentally blocked any messages his conscience was sending him, telling him to repay the "thing".

So instead of giving aid, Lovejoy responded with a religious diatribe "The Force helps those who help themselves, my son. And you poison your body with those fluids, giving your health no help whatsoever"

"Wow, you sober species sure speak funny!" the being replied in an intoxicating slur

"Furthermore" Lovejoy went on "Thou who speaketh from a slurred tounge has as much chance at anything as a Rancor’s chances at going through the eye of a needle, my son!"

"Rock on, Reverend!" The creature said, noticing his pastoral collar wrapped around the nape of his Jedi robe.

It was at his time that Obi HiDiddlyDoodle Flanders appeared.

"There you are Reverend," he said "I’m glad to have found you. But we gotta get out of here quickly. All these jungle trails are filled with battledroids!"

"You’re right, ObiHi, Nooowww, let’s seeeeeee" Lovejoy hid his confusion by droning phrases in an authoritative manner "We should go there….No..that will not do..HMMMM. It is time to go that way…..No trouble over there, too..HMMMM"

The being in the gutter, having overheard Obi and LoveJoy’s dialouge, offered a solution. "You’ll find no safe path in these trees..those droid thingees are all over the place there. Besides, I peed and threw up on almost every tree and some of you sober species find the smell so bad"

Flanders opened his mouth and made a face that was mixed with surprise and repulsion as he looked down to where the voice was coming form.

"My gosh, Reverend. This thing is drunk! What do we do? What do we do?"

"I’m not a thing!" The creautre rebuttled. “My name is Barney Gumble. And I am a normal living species as you are. Except that my people need booze to survive!"

"You need booze to survive?" Repeated Flanders in disbelief.

"That’s right! We were spawned in the sewers of Texas, where thousands of gallons of its citzens leftover booze is dumped everyday. Some sort of mutation occurred down there and, well, here we are! Burrrrp! We swim in the alcohol, breath in it, live in it!"

"Let me understand this” Lovejoy joined in "You live in booze? Are you some kind of aquatic creature?"

"Not aquatic! Water is horrible. We are ‘alco-quatic’ as in alcohol. It abosrbs into our gills and keeps us drunk and alive. When we come on land, we bring our booze bottles to sustain our life."

"Well, Mr. Gumble," Lovejoy replied "Another path we must follow, one that does not have you on it. So let us depart in peace."

"But I’m telling you Revered guy, you are on the path right now! This gutter is your path! it’s the only way that leads away from the trees and hides you from the droids!"

"Now this makes no sense. Gutters in the jungle! Where do they lead?" Lovejoy asked

"All gutters on the surface lead to my homeworld! I’ll show ya."

And Barney reached up and took their hands and pulled gently, forcing the two Jedi to step into the gutter.

"The sewers?" Flanders exclaimed. "I’m not following you there."


"Oh you won’t be following me, The remaining wine from the Queen of Texas’s birthday party will be following you, in…(Barney checked his watch)..2 seconds.
Get ready!"

"What are you trying to Sayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Lovejoy was caught offgaurd in mid sentence by a strong gush of wine that flowed down the chutes of the gutter and swept them off their feet, taking the three of them on a splashing ride.

"Oh help me, Revered LoveJoy" Cried Flanders "I might get intoxicated! And from Wine that isn’t blessed with the Force!"

"Not to worry" Lovejoy said "For I have here in my Jedi utility belt some intoxication diffusers. Just breath into this gadget and you will be fine"

So Flanders and Lovejoy breathed into these diffusers and were fine and the gushing wine pushed them along. Barney was first and he laid on his stomache with his head pointed the opposite direction as the gushing wine. His mouth hung open as plenty of alcohol filled his gut. He was also... Fine.


...To be continued

 

-----signature-----
"Without Reflection, you will never be able to look into your own eyes"
My Fanfic below: Simpsons Star Wars, Episode 1, The Fat Man Menace
http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/18582548/?64 ]
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green_eyes  649 posts
Registered: Apr '04
13991_Luke Hippo
Date Posted: 3/3/05 7:58pm Subject: RE: Simpson's Star Wars (revised Episode I-VI story, crossover, humor) - Date Edited: 3/4/05 11:37am (2 edits total) Edited By: Herman Snerd
Please do not post in the story forums to advertise your friend's site.


- Herman

 
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Darth-Floyd  4473 posts
Registered: Apr '03
6425_Boba Mini
Date Posted: 3/6/05 9:52am Subject: RE: Simpson's Star Wars (revised Episode I-VI story, crossover, humor)
Well done my friend happy

I´m looking forward to read more.

 

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Together we stand, divided we fall....
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Healer_Leona  36871 posts
Title: Manager Emeritus
 Registered: Jul '00
8059_Qui-Gon Jinn
Date Posted: 3/6/05 2:49pm Subject: RE: Simpson's Star Wars (revised Episode I-VI story, crossover, humor) - Date Edited: 3/6/05 2:51pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Healer_Leona
Eon, this is absolutely hysterical... as I satred the second chapter and Qui-Gon Lovejoy was saved by the belching pathetic lifeform I was chanting, "Don't tell me that is Barney, don't tell me that is Barney." An alco-quatic... oh my!! laugh laugh


I love the Simpson characters you chosen to play the SW ones and look very much forward to reading more.

 

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Eon-Wan-Mome_NT  676 posts
Registered: May '03
6634_Darth Homer
Date Posted: 3/8/05 7:25pm Subject: RE: Simpson's Star Wars (revised Episode I-VI story, crossover, humor) Updated Mar 8!
Darth-Floyd! Thanks for dropping buy, old buddy! I'm glad you like what you read so far.


And thanks for your kind words too, Healer_Leona

Wow! You're one of the main people on this board, and you are reading my story?? I mean, your name is on the big billboard on top of screen!


Well, I hope my next installment won't disappoint you! I'm really looking foward to getting to Homer! I have stuff written already, but now is not his time.


Well, here we go....! happy


*****************************

So Lovejoy, Flanders and Barney slid down through the gutter system, into a huge sewer hole, thereby entering the underwater world..er..excuse me, the “underalcohol” world of Barney and the rest of the race of Gumbles. This underalcohol world made up about 1/3 of the planet Texas, including the planet’s core. Inside this underalcohol world, there were enormously sized ‘bubbles’ for a lack of a better term. However, there were some size variations. Some were large enough that they contained cities while others had only the capacity to hold one building.

The three of them swam along until Barney took them inside a medium sized bubble. A sign attached to the outside or it read: "Moe’s Tavern"

Once inside, Lovejoy asked Barney "What in Beelzebub’s name are these bubble-like this contraptions"

Barney replied "Giant Kumprack creatures used to live down here, but they died. However, their belches live on! These bubbles were burped out of their mouths!"

"Eeeeew!" cried Flanders "I’m gonna throw up!"

"Great" Barney said. "You’ll fit right in then!"

Lovejoy had more questions for Barney. "I asked you to take me to your leader. And here we are in this Force forsaken dive. Why in Heavens Pure Glory are we here?"

"We’re at Moe’s, and Moe is our leader, he leads us by keeping us drunk inside his tavern..makes us never want to leave…droooooool!"

"This makes no sense. Why would you crave a tavern so much when you can just swim outside these bubbles and have an eternal supply of alcohol?"

Barney grunts to himself and mutters "These sober species! They’ll never understand the bond that forms between a being and his bar. This is a sacred place"

Lovejoy gave up on trying to understand this incomprehensible creature and asked "Well where is this ‘Moe’?"

Suddenly, a hoarse voice comes from across the room.

"I’m Moe, what the Hell do you want?"

A bar stood across the room which was at least a kilometer long. Hundreds of drunk Gumbles sat slumped over on stools. LoveJoy, Flanders, and Barney entered this tavern bubble near the section of the bar that held the cash register. And behind the cash register is where Moe always stood. He seemed to be a second cousin species to the Gumbles. He had green scaley skin and a bony spine with a highly exagerated curve. But like Barney, he also hada human shaped head, which was covered with curly, salt & pepper colored hair.

Lovejoy warned Moe of all the trouble that was occuring on the surface of the planet.

"Beware, you Force Heathens. Beware. Judgement is upon you! From the Heavens above your slimey world, armies are invading. Your planet as you know it will be no more! You must change your ways and assist the Federation of Texas"

Moe shrugged and said in a tired voice "Look Mr. Holier then thou, why do I care what happens to those Yuppie scum up above?"

Then Flanders added "Yes but Mr. Moe, whatever fate lies in store for them will fall on you."

Moe was unconvinced. "Would you stop talking about those ‘other people’! We don’t need them, we got it all here: A Kessle Run Pinball Machine, A jar of Taun Taun eggs, 30 years old today, and all the booze we can drink, what else do we need? We ain’t getting involved! Now get outta my bar and never come back!"

Moe pulled out his sawed off laser pistol to show them he was serious. He did, however, tell them which gutter shoot to climb out of so that they were closed to the Queen’s castle: The one that went through: The Planet Core!

As Flanders and Lovejoy got ready to depart, Moe hollered at them "And take this no good slob Barney with you!"

Barney’s mouth dropped as he shouted "Me? But Moe, I made a vow to never leave your place!"

"You can come back here when you pay your bar tab! That’s why I blasted your ugly mug up the gutter shoot in the first place. Now get out and stay out!"

“BUT MOE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Poor Barney was heartbroken. The Jedis’ took pity on him and took him along on their adventure. But poor Barney could not stop crying. On their swimming journey toward the shoot through the planet core, they encounted sea monsters of all kinds, but everyone
reminded him of Moe. They encountered a catfish the size of a whale. It frightened the Jedi, but Barney simply looked at is face and flickering whiskers and saw the face of Moe. In a depressing hallucination, Barney saw the fish’s lips vibrate up and down as he heard it say. "Hey Barney, where ya been, ol pal? Come back into my bar and have another beer for old time’s sake!"

So Barney answered the fish’s calling.

"I’m coming, Moe!" And the wide open mouth
of the fish Barney mistook for the welcoming entrance way for Moe’s. He swam inside as the fish closed its lips on his waist, leaving Barney’s feet to kick and dangle outside.

It was up to the Jedis to rescue Barney. Flanders was perplexed as how to handle this situation but the confident Lovejoy had the solution. He reached inside his Jedi utility belt and took a hold of his container of "Gigantic Catfish Repellant." One quick spray
and the fish closed its eyes as its mouth went agape. Out floated Barney as the fish rolled over on its back, moments before his soul went to fishy heaven.

Lovejoy, Flanders and Barney soon make it through the planet core and finally arise outside the bizarre sewer system of this planet. They arrive inside the palace courtyard, the modest backyard setting of Queen Bouvier. But their work is far from done, for the Queen and her family are under siege. The Jedi set out to rescue them.

They overcome obstacles, fight deadly battle droids until finally the Queen is set free!


The two Jedi , The Queen and her family/friends, and Barney Gumble escape this planet on the Queen’s ship. They fly over planet Texas, breaking through the blockade with the help of an astro droid..who miraculously fixes the shield generator on top of the ship while dodging missles. When he returns and the ship has made it past the danger zone, Marge commends him.



"Oh my, aren’t you a cute yet efficeint little droid" Marge said as she looked down praisingly at the little droid. "What is his serial number?"

Marge’s older sister Patty looked at the back of the droid.

"Hey Marge" she said as she exhaled cigarette smoke "Looks like this little fellow is R2D2"

"Well R2D2 is certainly of great value to us." Marge said proudly.

Her other sister Selma, Patty’s twin, agreed as she sucked in the final puff of a cigarette she was smoking.

"Yeah, he makes a helluva ashtry!"

And both Patti and Selma crushed their butts out on top of R2D2’s convex head and then shoved them down his fire extinguishing tube, causing him to emit a melancholy series of soft beeps.


"NO no no!" Marge protested "R2 is NOT an ashtray! Leave him alone!"

"Alright Marge!" Selma exclaimed. "Boy has space travel made you cranky. Come on Patty, lets go hit on that Jedi with the cheesy mostache!"


Patty shrugged and answered with a noncommited, bored grunt. They left the room and R2D2’s dignity was restored, although his tubes required a serious vacuuming.


***************************************


Although R2D2 had fixed the shield generator, the hyperdrive generator had been damaged on their escape from Texas. They needed to get themselves to the nearest planet that might have hyperdrive generators for sale. So they had no choice but to stop at a planet of crime and debauchery. It was the planet Tatooine, controlled by Comic Book Guy The Hutt.


It is a planet of gangsters and geeks, slugs and slobs. Crime and 24 hour broadcasts of 'I Dream of Jeanie' prevail and citizens are only allowed to consummate with each other once every 50 years. These laws and customs created a tense, teasing and frustrating milieu, especially for the male species. Tatooine was a very dangerous place to bring a beautiful, single queen.






Meanwhile, other trouble lurked elsewhere.





Hank Hill had a distressing report to submit to Darth Sidious. When the dark cloaked figure appeared in hologram form, Hank reluctantly told him that the Jedi had escaped his clutches and took with them Marge Bouvier. They were half way across space by now.


"Not to worry, my faithful ugly redneck!" Sidious replies. "We will get the queen back and she will sign the contract! I will have by best man on the job. Hank Hill, meet a Sith who was captured by the Jedi Council many years ago and imprisoned in Hell, doomed to
be its groundskeeper for eternity. Well, I took him away from all that. He know works for me. My name is Charlie!"


“Eh…” Hank mutters in confusion. “So you are Darth Charlie Sidious?”

"No you idiot, I was just reciting a Charlie’s Angels line, a cheesy dialogue cameo!"


Hank was still confused.


"Oh never mind! Hank, let me introduce you to him. He has many names;

Lucifer, Beelzebub, Satan, Darth Maul, or my favorite..Groundskeeper Willie!"





After Darth Sidious finished, another person appears in hologram form standing next to him. He is very tall and dressed in Black and red, which was also the colors on his face..his terrible face! Broken teeth, shaggy red beard and moustache. His eyes are
yellow and he has two goat horns on his head. As soon as he appears, music fills the room. It is the guitar and percussion ensembles of “The Rolling Astroids!” and Groundskeeper Willie breaks out into song.


(SUNG TO THE TUNE OF ‘SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL’ BY ‘The Rolling Stones;)



"Please allow me to introduce myself to ya lads,
I’m a Scotsman wit an ugly face!
Been banished to Hell for a long long year
‘Pog mo thoin, Jedi!’ I’ll kill ya filthy race!

And I been around when Master Yoda
was just a frog I pulled from my kitchen drain
Made damn sure I washed my hands,
and without them, he’d be fishing bait

Pleased ta meet ya, Hank! Hope you remember my name!
Cuz if you don’t, I’ll tear your hide til ya squeel in pain!"



Groundskeeper Willie finished his song as Darth Sidious commented:

"Groundskeeper Willie’s a little cranky! but he’ll slay those Jedi for us!"


Sidious finished speaking and the holograms disappeared.

The room was quiet and Hank was unnerved.

"Ohhhhh. Looks Like I’m entering a contract with the Devil! What is going on here?"


Boomhauer was also troubled. "Dang, I tell u wut man, seerious bizness messin’ wif dat damn devilmumbo jumbo suff. Real pain in rump like hemorrhoids roasting on a Lonestar Grill man..it burns me up!"


Strickland Propane and Propane Accessories’ involvement with the Sith was getting deeper than Hank had expected. The poor guy buried his head in his hands and released a long flabbergasted sigh!



Too be continued!










 

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"Without Reflection, you will never be able to look into your own eyes"
My Fanfic below: Simpsons Star Wars, Episode 1, The Fat Man Menace
http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/18582548/?64 ]
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Miana Kenobi  26247 posts
Title: Pacific RSA & NSWFF Mod
On Limited Time
 Registered: Apr '00
51380_WH354: The Grinch
Date Posted: 3/8/05 8:24pm Subject: RE: Simpson's Star Wars (revised Episode I-VI story, crossover, humor)
*Dies laughing* laugh

OMG... Simpsons & King of the Hill.... Comic Book Guy the Hutt.... *DIES AGAIN*


This is great! I can't wait for more!

 

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He tini nga whetu e ngaro I te kapua iti.
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TIEPilot051999  23179 posts
Registered: Mar '02
49930_H539: Sailor Venus
Date Posted: 3/9/05 8:10pm Subject: RE: Simpson's Star Wars (revised Episode I-VI story, crossover, humor) Updated March 8!
Good job, man! grin !

 

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Spike2002  18795 posts
Title: Former FF-UK RSA
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 Registered: Feb '02
46077_Jar Jar Kicked
Date Posted: 3/10/05 7:22am Subject: RE: Simpson's Star Wars (revised Episode I-VI story, crossover, humor) Updated March 8!
laugh

Mr. Burns should be Sidious tongue

 

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"It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him." - Arthur C. Clarke peace
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Healer_Leona  36871 posts
Title: Manager Emeritus
 Registered: Jul '00
8059_Qui-Gon Jinn
Date Posted: 3/12/05 9:04am Subject: RE: Simpson's Star Wars (revised Episode I-VI story, crossover, humor) Updated March 8!
"Eeeeew!" cried Flanders "I’m gonna throw up!" I so agree.. LOL! "Gigantic Catfish Repellant." ROFLOL! This just keeps getting better.. Groundkeeper Willie... that is brilliant.


And wow, thanks for the welcome, though the only reason I'm here is to be able to read fine stories like yours. happy (Why does Avril's music come to mind... Just a mod, just an, ordinary mod.. ) grin

 

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Eon-Wan-Mome_NT  676 posts
Registered: May '03
6634_Darth Homer
Date Posted: 3/12/05 4:14pm Subject: RE: Simpson's Star Wars (revised Episode I-VI story, crossover, humor) Updated March 8!
Well, let me start by once again thanking my readers!

Miana, TIEPilot, Spike2002, Leona hugs I feel so close to you all that I am shortening your names! laugh


Hey Spike, you said Mr. Burns should be Sidious? Well, you know that I can't leave out loveable Mr Burns! Oh but it's so confusing..Sidious, Palpitine, The Emperor, George W. Bush, and Mr. Burns!

It's like so many actors competing for the same role!
Well, it will all work itself out! I have a plan, you'll see! happy


Leona: Avril, huh? Now I really know that you are an average person just like the rest! LOL!
(just kidding!)


Now, w/out futher ado..(well one more:ADO! ) here comes the moment you all have been waiting for (well, I have been waiting for..hee hee).....The arrival of
Homer Simpson



******************************************


One day, on a warm, double sunny afternoon on Tatooine,
Homer Simpson scoots along in his landspeeder, his brown hair ruffling in the breeze. He is 17 years old, carefree and singing his favorite song:


(SUNG TO THE TUNE OF “THE JOKER” by the Steve Miller Band)


“Some people call me a Space Jedi! Some call me the Gangster the Hutt!”

(Hmm. Must be my belly!)

“Some people call me Lando..and I just..don’t know..why?”

(They should be calling ‘Carl’ Lando, stupid jawas!”)

“I’m a cloner, I’m a loner, I’m a Sith Lord crooner! I’ll soon be choking everyone!!"



He stops his speeder at his fathers “Drop..Chop and Shop” machine salvagery.


He gets out of his vehicle and checks his watch!


“EEEEK! 11:30am?? Ohhh..stupid Tuskin Bride Late show! Keeps me up half the night watching”

Late again, Homer enters the shop.

“I’m here, dad!” He says as he conks his head on a 4X2-a droid, therby unintentionally pressing the activation button with his forehead, sending the miniature droid into a frenzy. It jumps around the room, knocking things over in its path until finally it leaps upward to sink its metallic teeth into Homer’s arm. It does not let go, causing Homer to imitate the behavior of the droid. He runs around in a frenzy shouting profanities while knocking everything over in his path.


“Homer for Jedi sake, hit the nose.” Abe Simpson shouts “It wills stop is you hit the nose!”

“I’m on it dad! POW! (Owwwww!) POW! (Yeoooow!) “This hurts, dad!”


“Not your nose , idiot! Press down on the nose of the droid!”


Homer does this and the droid falls into complacency.


“God dern..dern frug! You’re late! And you wreck things in the shop! You’re a screw up son! A biiiiig screw up!”


Homer lowers his head in shame with a mounful reply “Yes dad!”



Also on planet Tatooine are Rev. Lovejoy and his entourage. Some members of the party are walking the towns, scouting for aid while the rest are back guarding the ship.

The scouts are Lovejoy, R2D2, Marge Bouvier and for some reason Barney Gumble. (If this story was a movie, and if the Barney character was a CGI animation project, then I would surmise that the only reason for a pesky idiot’s inclusion on an important mission
such as this would be to show off as much footage as possible of an intended “cool” animated project, no matter how crappy it really was).


Flanders headed the ship guarding party, where he was constantly accosted by Marge’s two ugly sisters. Poor Flanders.


Lovejoy, Barney, Marge and R2D2 make their way to the Drop..Chop and Shop.

Homer sees Marge enter the store and he is in love instantly love . A new song pops in his head. It’s the Carpenter’s song “Close to You”


“Why do birds, suddenly appear?
Every time you are near.
Just like me, they long to be, close to you.”


Homer is too shy and love stricken to speak to Marge, but he follows her around the shop and gawks at her. Marge notices this and can’t help but wonder:



“Why do flies, suddenly appear?
Everytime that fat boy is near.”


Finally, Marge confronts the stalker.

“Excuse me, young man. But your stares are making me quite uncomfortable.”

“Well…I’m sorry, I guess..I uh, just can’t help it.”

“Why not?”

“Because I have never seen anyone from Heaven before.” Homer says with the most innocent honesty. “You are so beautiful. You must be an angel!”


And Homer struggles all he can to stifle a drool.


“Ohh my!” she says with a flattering blush. “Aren’t you a sweet one..Hee Hee Hee”


Marge begins to feel more comfortable. They flurt a little until Marge introduces Homer to Qui-Gon Lovejoy and Barney Gumble. Homer is not impressed with these two and concentrates only on Marge. The sentiment is mutual for Lovejoy, who wonders why the Force always delivers him to such pathetic beings. His disdainful thoughts about Homer continue, until suddenly, he senses in him glory and greatness. Lovejoy blinks his eyes a couple of times, and the ‘greatness’ vibes are gone and standing before him is the same Homer of his first impressions; standing there with a dumb look on his face while scratching his butt.


Strange place this is! Lovejoy thinks to himself. I am having hallucinations!


After the introduction, Lovejoy leaves to find Abe Simpson. Together, they walk the junkyard..talk about the part he needs.


“We got it all..sonny! Step right up! We got motivators, vaporizers, we even got a Buster
Keaton time traveling helmet. Gotta love that Buster..You kids got actors that aren’t fit
for bantha fodder! Now my generation, weee..”


“I don’t want to waste much of your time” Lovejoy politely interrupts. “What we are looking for his a hyperdrive generator.”


“A hyper drive generator! Why you out of towners want everything, don’t ya? No use for our local product. Everything for you is special imports!”


“Well do you have it or do you not?” Lovejoy interrupts again.


“Ohh we have it. Its jerks like you that require me to stock one or two in our inventory! But we got one this time..and it will cost you 33,000 Krusty Dollars!”


“Krusty dollars? What kind of heathen currency is that?”


“A –bee bahhh! Again with you space nuts! You don’t know the important things of this universe. Krusty was our entertainer! Funny antics that clown had! Comic Book Guy the Hutt loved him soo much that he made Krusty’s play money our currency! Not to mention Krusty burgers as our main food source. Jawa meat it is! Tasty stuff. But then Krusty got to big for his clown bridges and went off to be some kind of cloner! If I ever saw him again, I’d give him a piece of my mind and…”


“That’s an interesting story!” Lovejoy interjects “But at this time I do not have Krusty dollars. I have 33,000 republic credits.”


“I will not accept Republic credits!” Abe bellowed “Only Krusty dollars!”


Lovejoy squinted his eyes in serious contemplation. Sternly he gazed at Abe as he held out his long arm towards him.


“I tell you the truth..” Lovejoy preached. “Republic
credits will do fine! For this is the Will of the Force” Lovejoy waves his hand before Abe’s face to invoke the Jedi Mind trick.


Abe’s mind was very suseptible to Jedi Mind tricks. Too suseptible! hypnotized hypnotized For his response was:

“Hot Diggity! I’ve always wanted to get my hands on Republic Credits! Do you got anymore? Please?”

“33,000 is all I have”

“No good. 75,000 or you don’t get the motivator.”

“I said…33,000 is all I have. This will do fine, for this is The Word of the Force!” He waves his hand again. Too much mind tricks in one day for Abe to handle. His mind is weak as a mouse and all it picked up on was the number “33,000”


“Ohhh my prickly pear head hurts. Now I must squat and cackle like a chicken! chicken “CACKLE CACKLE!” chicken Gonna take me along time to lay "33,000 eggs." But I’ll
give it the old Hoover try! Grunt! Grunt!”


Lovejoy shakes his head and walks away. This man was too much of a nincompoop to deal with. As he turned his back, Abe called out to him.


“Sure go away..You wont find another hyperdrive motivator on this planet. Nobody else
will deal with you foreigners. You’ll be back!! “


Then, he said to himself “Must get back to these eggs. Oh, I think I see the first one
coming! Grunt!! No that was my spleen! Ohhhhhhh”


Lovejoy walks away allowing Abe to struggle with the eggs. But he would only do this for another 10 minutes, after which he would come out of the spell and even forget that he had ever met these strangers from The Republic.


********************************************


So Lovejoy contacted Flanders on his intercom to report the news. ‘No generator at the moment’ and unfortunately they were stranded here for the time being. This was distressing news to Flanders, who was on strict orders not to seek contact with Texas,
or with any communication network outside the Tatooine system for fear of being traced.


“But Revered!” Flanders squeaked anxiously, “The authorites of Texas are sending me messages! They are begging us to contact them! They say we must give into Strickland’s demands, for the death toll is catastrophic! They say more citizens are dying each day at their hands than the average number executed in their daily capital punishment system!”


“Now, Obi-Hi, use the Force! You know that message is a ploy from Strickland Propane! The death toll cannot be that high!”


“Well be that as it may, The queen’s sisters are demanding that I send out a signal to retrieve a network that airs McGyver! They are getting restless and without mind numbing TV shows, I’m afraid that Selma is going to start demanding I entertain her!
And she has hair in places I would never even think to look. She showed me! Ohhhh! What to I do??”


“Well, Obi-Hi-Diddly-Doo, as I said before, at times like this it is best to read your Jedi handbook. Now, take care.”


“But Reverend!!!!!! Waiiitt!…”


Lovejoy turned off the intercom and that was that.


*********************************

So Lovejoy, Marge, R2 and Barney leave the Drop Chop and Shop. But Homer runs after them, pushing himself along on a scooter. He notices that Barney had wandered away from the other three as they passed a street market. Barney discovered a beer tent, and put
his face underneath the tab of a keg letting the beer flow freely into his mouth.


When Homer saw this, he let out a frustrated “DOH!” and went on to say “I was gonna stick my head under there! Lousy Gumball!”


“His name is 'Gumble!'"


Homer turns around to see Lovejoy standing beside him


“Well whatever, ‘Lovetoy’, Geez. He certainly looks like a gumball to me! A nice round juicy grape gumball filled with beer. Drooool!”


“Well that 'gumball' is about to get the beer smooshed outta him.” Lovejoy answered. “He is attracting the attention of the shop owner.”


Sure enough, Sel Bulba, the Tungarian shop owner (edit:sorry, I was too lazy to research the spelling of this TPM character..sue me if you have any objections tongue ), had taken Barney out from underneath the keg and started to strangle him. Lovejoy stepped in, looked upward to the Heavens with his hands in the air and proclaimed “May the Force Be With Me!!”

Just then, lightening emitted from Lovejoy’s fingertips and struck Sel Bulba and sent him flying across the room. Then, he came to Barney’s aid and helped him off the floor.


“You need to be more careful. Don’t pick fights with strangers!”

“But I wasn’t picking a fight. I was just filling my neglected belly! Burp!!”


“Oh My Force!” Lovejoy sighed while looking toward the heavens. He returned his gaze on Barney. “Your inferior brain will never understand the ways of humans I guess. Let me explain something to you: ‘We humans do not just walk into someone’s shop and help ourselves to free product’. That is stealing, an we are much too civilized for that kind of behavior.”


“But Gee Mr. Force Guy, isn’t that a human?” Barney pointed toward the keg. “He’s doing the same as I did”


Lovejoy turns to face the keg, and there is Homer, his head turned upside-down, his mouth engulfing the mouth piece as beer flowed into his buldging belly.


Lovejoy approached Homer. “Well a fine example you make! Homer, are you brainless? Didn’t you just see what happened?”


Homer raises his head out from under the keg nozzle to reply as beer runs down his neck and inside his shirt.


“Yeah..I saw that Gumball was getting beer and I wasn’t. I thought you Republic people believe in equality.”


“I hear ya, Homer!” Barney said, appreciating Homer’s fine tastes. “I guess not all humans are so bad.”


“Aww! Thank you Barney!” Homer replied. And they talked some ‘drunk talk’ and a friendship was born. For friendships forged in alcohol do not discriminate against race, creed, color or species!

Lovejoy shakes his head and does some thinking.

What a pair these two make! A Mutant drunk and a Fat, oaf of a meance. Still…Why does the Force keep telling me this fat slob as a meaningful future?


As much as Homer was enjoying the company of Barney, he was willingly distracted by Marge love , who just then appeared and warned them that they had better hurry back to the ship before a sandstorm comes. Homer once again was taken in by her beauty. He didn’t want this chic outta his sight so he invited them all back to his place to stay the night, mentioning that it was too dangerous to be walking in the desert this time of night.

They accepted and Homer couldn’t wait to get his hands on Marge, a beautiful woman sleeping in the same house as his! drooling


******************************

(well, tune into the next update to see what happens in
the Simpson's house! PG stuff, of course! wink )


- TO BE CONTINUED -









 

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"Without Reflection, you will never be able to look into your own eyes"
My Fanfic below: Simpsons Star Wars, Episode 1, The Fat Man Menace
http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/18582548/?64 ]
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TIEPilot051999  23179 posts
Registered: Mar '02
49930_H539: Sailor Venus
Date Posted: 3/13/05 12:12pm Subject: RE: Simpson's Star Wars (revised Episode I-VI story, crossover, humor) Updated March 12! Homer App
Dude, you're a freaking genius! And nice work with that reference to that Simpsons episode when Homer sings that song.

MORE! MORE! MORE! grin !

 

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love Devi is my Padme Angel love
All Hail Megatron!
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Healer_Leona  36871 posts
Title: Manager Emeritus
 Registered: Jul '00
8059_Qui-Gon Jinn
Date Posted: 3/13/05 1:08pm Subject: RE: Simpson's Star Wars (revised Episode I-VI story, crossover, humor) Updated March 12! Homer App
(If this story was a movie, and if the Barney character was a CGI animation project, then I would surmise that the only reason for a pesky idiot’s inclusion on an important mission such as this would be to show off as much footage as possible of an intended “cool” animated project, no matter how crappy it really was). -- Not that you have an opinion on it huh?? laugh laugh

Strange place this is! Lovejoy thinks to himself. I am having hallucinations! Pehaps it's the heat?? LOL

Another fabulously entertaining episode! grin

 

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Eon-Wan-Mome_NT  676 posts
Registered: May '03
6634_Darth Homer
Date Posted: 3/17/05 7:01pm Subject: RE: Simpson's Star Wars (revised Episode I-VI story, crossover, humor) Updated March 12! Homer App
Thank you!

And nice work with that reference to that Simpsons episode when Homer sings that song.

Thank you TiePilot, and look for more references to other Simpsons episodes in future updates.

Pehaps it's the heat??

Funny, I had that written for this update, Healer_Leona!


Well, let's go on, shall we?



*******************************************************

As soon as they arrived at his home, Homer shows Marge his room.


“Listen Homer,” Marge says “You seem like a nice boy and all but I feel uncomfortable being in here with you all alone. We hardly know each other!”


Homer replies “What’s there to know? I’m a boy..you’re a girl. I’m an emotionally neglected lazy fat slob without too many scruples and you are a pampered, glamorous and beautiful queen. I think we are soul mates, Marge. A match made from the Heaven that spawned you!”


“Oh Homer, Hee hee hee, You’re too much. I don’t know about this soul mate stuff, but I can keep you company for a while!”


“Wooo Hooo!” I’m gonna score!


“But remember, no funny stuff!”


Doh


“So what do you wanna do?” Marge asks innocently.


“Well, we can watch TV! I just ordered a droid that boasts 3 billion forms of television reception! 3 billion channels Marge! What more can a person want!"


“Homer there are so many other things in this universe besides TV. So many galaxies, systems and maniupalities! Have you ever been to other planets?”

“No.”

“Well, you must be curious then. There is soo much out there..so much life to have. I know, why don’t you tell me where you would like to go some day. Tell me your dreams.”


“Well, when I fall asleep in front of the TV..the commercials sometimes make there way into my dreams! Dengar Doughnuts, inc. send their tasty product by lightspeed to appear besides my bed! Mmmm. If this were only true.”


Marge replies hesitantly “I…see…Hmmmm. Well, why don’t you just show me this TV droid you bought!”


“Good idea!”


The droid was still in the manufactures box with a Try and Save Space Mall pricetag attached to it. 1000 was the price. Quite a bit pricey for a lousy TV receptical droid! Homer attached the arms and legs, followed by the head.


He stood back and looked at the contraption with confusion. There was no monitor..nor was there an attena.


“Marge. Where’s the TV? I put this thing together, and I see no screen! Ohhh..its almost time for The Space Monkeys!”


“Well, this doesn’t look like a TV droid to me, but maybe if you flick on the on switch by his neck he will tell you something.”


“Good idea!”


The droid is powered on and it introudes himself.


“Greetings, I am C3PO, and I am at your service. I am a human cyborg with over 3 billion forms of communication. I excell in..”


Homer does not let C3PO continue and interrupts with a disappointed grunt.


“Auuugh! Crap! Who needs communication when there’s TV? I want TV channels! Now show me the Space Monkeys, you no good tube of wires!”


“But sir!” C3PO protests. “You are mistaken. I am not programed for such activities. I have no monitor.I have no..”


But Homer doesn’t listen and starts to pound C3PO’s head with his fist.

“Show it!” he demands.


“Homer!” Marge says scoldingly. “Leave it alone!”


Homer stops pounding for a couple seconds in bewilderment. Not knowing what to do next, he resumes his pounding and commanding. “Show it!" Pound! Pound!


“But sir! I beg you..this is not good for my circuits! Oh dear! Oh dear!”


Marge lets out a grunt and walks away in disgust as Homer thinks 'Yes! I know how to impress the ladies.' He continues his pounding.


****************************************


In another part of the house, Lovejoy meets Homer’s mother Mona Simpson, a dreamy eyed free spirit
woman who is bogged down to a depressing life of catering to her husband Abe’ s pitiful needs.


“I would like to express my gratitude for giving us shelter.” Lovejoy says.


“Oh, you are welcome. It is in my nature to help those with misfortune. I used to run with a band of philanthropists and peace activists."

She gazes up to the sky and smiles and relects.

“Oh those days were the best. I had freedom. I was free to travel around the universe at a whim and express my desire to help others. Abe was probably my worst charity case. He looked so miserable when I met him and my compassion got the best of me. Now instead of serving the needs of the multitudes, I cater to the endless whims of Abe and my poor sweet but inept son. Sigh!”


“Speaking of your son," Lovejoy says, "I would like to ask you something about him. I don’t know what
it is but I sense something about him. There is an overwelming aura that surrounds him. I can’t discriminate whether it is a vergence in the Force of the worst case of body odor I have ever come across.”


“I’m afraid it’s the body odor. Homer was never one for baths”


“I see. Hmmm. Still, I would like some more information about him. Something still seems awry. His father, for instance. I sense no connection between the two.”


Mrs. Simpson looks down and breathes a short sigh. “Well, to tell you the truth..he is not
his father.”


“Well, who is is father”


“Well, all I know is that one day I felt life growing inside me and..”


Suddenly, Abe Simpson enters the room and butts right into the conversation.


“My wife is right! Homer just appeared! It was immmmaculate conception I tell you! There is no other explanation for his appearance. At first I thought I was blessed. But with the way he is turning out, I now think it’s a curse!”


“You really think Homer’s birth was the product of a miracle?” Lovejoy asked.


“I suuuure do! I cursed miracle! My wife took a leeetle vacation with some of her old friends..those free-love hippie people. Some kind of weekend seminar on the ways of being a dutiful wife..wasn’t that it dear?”

Mrs. Simpson blushes guiltily. She speaks hesitantly but eventually answers her husband.


“That’s right dear!”


“Anyway, after she went to that seminar, nine months later little Homer was born. Now I did not even touch her before or after that seminar, if ya know what I mean (wink! wink!) Therefore, this was immmaculate conception!”


“I…seee” Lovejoy answers. “I am beginning to get an idea of the big picture here. I have no more questions at this time.”


“Thank God” Abe replies. “You had too many questions. I never asked any questions as a youth and I still don’t.”


Then, Abe contradicts himself with the following inqueries:


“What ever happened to the virtue of self reliance anyway? And who the hell are you and what are you doing in my house?”


“Abe, these people will be our guests for the evening.” Mrs Simpson said on behalf of the Lovejoy entourage. “They are stranded and in need of shelter.”


“EEP..Jeeb..Bluh Blah!” Abe grumbles in discontented gibberish “We are not a hotel! I want these strangers out of here..I want..Wait a minute! I remember you!
You were at my shop this afternoon! It’s all coming back to me now! How dare you invade my home and…”

Lovejoy cuts him off in mid-sentene and waves his hand in front of Abe’s face.


“Ohhh, I feel the urge to go lay some more eggs.”


Abe Simpson squats and leaves the room, walking and cackling like a chicken.


Lovejoy excuses himself and walks away shaking his head. What’s wrong with my instincts? How can I mix up a bastard boob with the Chosen One? I gotta get off this planet as quickly as possible. The heat is distorting my senses.

*******************************************************


Later in the night, the group sits down at the dinner table. Abe is absent, for he is out drinking with
his buddies. At the table, Lovejoy inquires of Mrs. Simpson if there was anyway that she can convince her husband to sell the parts using the Republic’s currency.


“I’m afraid there is little hope,” she says sadly. “Abe’s a stubborn old goat. He always wants his way and nothing but his way.”


“But I’m sure he had some shread of compassion.”


Mrs. Simpson thinks for a moment and replies “Well, no. None whatsoever.”


“Then he must have a weak spot," Lovejoy says hopefully, "Some kind of vulnerability that will allow us to make him see things our way.”



“Well, Abe’s a gambler.” She said candidly “He simply cannot resist a bet”


“I see. What kind of events to people of the planet place wagers on?”

“In two days,” Mrs. Simpson answers “There is the annual pod race. It’s a big event sponsored by Comic Book Guy the Hutt himself.”


“Interesting.” Lovejoy comments


“In fact, Homer is one of the contestants, against my better judgment, sigh. But like I said, Abe is stubborn. Every year, Abe enters Homer to have him race the A Simpson Sand Surfer. And every year, Homer loses and suffers an accident to his head.”



“That’s right!” Homer joins the conversation and knocks on his head. “My brain must be nothing but scambled eggs by now. But I’m happy, I discovered that beer can do alll my thinking for me! Beer cells to replace brain cells! HMMMMM”

"Ain't nothing wrong with that!" Barney says.

“It is so sad” Mrs Simpson continues “Abe loses a ton of money every year but that never stops him from making these senseless bets”


Lovejoy reflects upon this new information. “Tommorrow I think I will pay another visit to the Drop..Chop and Shop and make Abe an offer he cannot refuse.”



TO BE CONTINUED




 

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"Without Reflection, you will never be able to look into your own eyes"
My Fanfic below: Simpsons Star Wars, Episode 1, The Fat Man Menace
http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/18582548/?64 ]
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TIEPilot051999  23179 posts
Registered: Mar '02
49930_H539: Sailor Venus
Date Posted: 3/17/05 8:51pm Subject: RE: Simpson's Star Wars, Episode I: The Fatman Menace (crossover, humor) Updated March 17
“My wife is right! Homer just appeared! It was immmmaculate conception I tell you! There is no other explanation for his appearance. At first I thought I was blessed. But with the way he is turning out, I now think it’s a curse!”

BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111oneoneone11111 laugh !

Keep it up, dude!

 

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love Devi is my Padme Angel love
All Hail Megatron!
The Tenth Doctor In Sleepy Tower - Third Place Winner
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