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Author	Topic: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette
Anne_Lily Registered: Aug '05	Date Posted: 6/20/06 5:56pm Subject: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette
	Title: Scars Author: Anne_Lily Timeframe: Sometime after Ben's birth. Rated: PG Characters: Mara Jade Skywalker Genre: Introspection Summary: Wounds, scars, healing... Disclaimer: Much as I’d like them to, none of these characters belongs to me. Lucas is the lucky one. A/N: This is an idea that’s been going about in my mind for a while, plus the other day I saw a documentary about Malvinas War in which the ex-soldiers talked about their experiences, and this is what came out. Thanks to GrandAdmiralV for beta'ing again. Your help is great. A/N: Please read and review. Feedback is a wonderful thing for an author I’m not usually given to reflecting and musing. Luke is more the one to do that in this marriage, whereas I generally jump into action. Yet, every now and then, when my attention is drawn towards something in particular, I do take some time to meditate about it. And so it is that I’ve often wondered why people so unwisely assume scars fade with time. The scars on your skin, maybe; tissue heals in the long run. But the scars on your soul -- I doubt those ever heal completely. Look at me, for instance. My life has not exactly been a bed of Nabooian roses, and it’s quite obvious when you think about it. Now, after so many years of knowing Luke, I can finally look back on my past objectively, and begin to see the consequences of Palpatine’s brainwashing -- all he took from me, all the ways in which he hurt me. But even at this stage of my life, I’m afraid I can only glimpse the tip of the iceberg. When I think of him, it feels like a black hole: There’s so much I lost, so much I missed out on, so many things I’ll never get back, never experience... I guess I’ll never be able to fully assess the damage. Yet somehow, inside me, I’m perfectly conscious of all the harm my old Master caused me. It’s as if my heart knew better than my mind all I could have had and never did. Sometimes, when I hold Ben in my arms and look into his big, innocent eyes, I ask myself what it would have been like to have a mother to hold me like this, to make me safe like this. What would it have been like to wake up in the morning at the loving call of my mother’s voice and not at the cold, harsh beeping of an alarm-chrono? What was my mother’s voice like? And her hair? Was she a redhead, like me, or do I take after my father? From whom did I get my green eyes? Other times, as I watch my little one play with his toys, so obviously enjoying himself, I wonder what I would have become if I had had the chance to dress dolls when I was a child instead of learning how to properly handle the most effective weapons the galaxy had to offer, or to take Alderaani ballet lesson instead of training in martial arts. I know I’ll never have answers for these questions, though. But I don’t complain -- don't misunderstand me. I have Ben, and Luke, and that’s more than I would have dreamed of in the past. Still, it’d be nice to know something about my parents, to get back some of the time that was stolen from me. What no one seems to notice, though, is that Luke -- "farmboy," as I like to teasingly call him -- has also had his share of hardships. Granted, I know very few people are aware of his relationship to Anakin Skywalker, better known as Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine’s henchman and the man responsible for Luke’s missing right hand, but it’s common knowledge that Luke Skywalker was the hero of the Battle of Yavin, the maverick young pilot who blew up the first Death Star. People know about that, yes. But they either can’t or refuse to see the other side of things. He may have saved the day for the Rebels by doing what he did, but he paid a high price for their victory. Not only did he lose some good friends there, but he also lost something even more irrecoverable: his innocence. Luke killed that day for the first time; he took millions of lives, some innocent, some not, but that’s not what counts. What counts is that, to him, the beings in that battle station weren’t just numbers, enemy soldiers to be destroyed. They were people -- mothers, fathers, husbands, wives -- who stopped existing in the blink of an eye. And even if he was too young to be fully aware of the meaning of his actions back then, by the time the Battle of Endor took place he did know. When I watch him now, the way he reacts to the echoes of a death through the Force, I try to imagine what it must have been for him to feel the huge void in the Force where those lives had been just moments before, whether he was responsible for it or not. The loss of a single life is -- and I understand it at last -- always something to be grieved over. And then there’s all that followed his discovery of the Force and his choice to walk down its path: his aunt’s and uncle’s deaths, his finding his father and losing him soon afterwards, his fall to the dark side, his constant struggle to keep balance, his guilt and his unhealthy quest for perfection, Callista, his shutting out Leia and her family... Yes, there are scars in Luke’s soul. He doesn’t like to talk about these things, as I don't like to talk about my past. But I’m his wife; I know him, and I see the shadow in his eyes whenever he remembers them, whenever something goes wrong and he’s forced to take a life. I hear him at night, when he tosses and turns in bed because of the nightmares. I know what goes on inside Luke. I feel it, too, at times, the weight of the lives I’ve taken. It’s different for me, somehow. I’m not saying I’m innocent, because that hasn't been true for a long time. I’m not sure it was ever true, in fact. Innocence was not something Palpatine considered necessary during my upbringing. But when I killed, I was carrying out my duty, complying with my Master’s wishes, helping maintain order and peace. I can see that was a complete lie now, but I didn't then. I didn’t know what I did was wrong, like Luke did. I think the fact that I’ve always been practical and pragmatic has something to do with it. In my life, there was never much time to reflect on the things I did. Until I met Luke, that is. But even now, I don't like to dwell upon these sorts of considerations for too long. My past was what it was, and it can’t be changed. And perhaps, if it hadn’t been the way it was, I may not have been what I am today. I may not have been Luke’s wife, Ben’s mother, a Jedi... All I can do now is choose what to do with this priceless chance I’ve been given. Luke, on the other hand, thinks too much. I’ve often told him it’s not good, but it’s obvious he can’t help it, and I wouldn’t have him any other way. But the truth is Luke has gone through hard times as well, and he’s been scarred, even if no one other than those closest to him notices it. Leia told me once it was not always like this, though. He was different, she said, when she first met him. Back then, they were both only eighteen, and he was just off the farm, a Tatooine farmboy in every way, except in his heart. According to her words, he was fresh and naïve at that time, with the wide-eyed expression of one who sees the galaxy for the first time and is amazed by it, and the simplicity of a boy who has spent all of his life in a desert world, where you wake up early in the morning, work hard all day, and go to bed at night knowing the next day will be the same as the one that has just gone by. War has changed him, no doubt, as it has changed all of us. But both Leia and I grew up knowing what it was like, living it. Luke, by contrast, came face to face with its horrors all of a sudden. Sometimes I wish I’d known him in his first years with the Alliance. It would have been nice to see farmboy in all his glory. I chuckle to myself as I picture in my mind the image of Luke as Leia described him to me, with his sky-blue eyes open in wonder. Nevertheless, I know it’s no laughing matter. Our lives have marked us both, and although I catch glimpses of the naïve farmboy in Luke every now and then, it's never often enough. Scars just don’t fade. My greatest worry now is that Ben, our little Ben, may someday have to go through what we went through. His father and I have worked, are working, and will always work hard so that never happens, so he never has to see the dark days of the Empire return. But we’re fallible, we’re human, and he will grow up and leave us one day, and then we won’t be able to protect him anymore. I just don’t want my son to share our scars. It seems that, after all, I did have a maternal instinct hidden somewhere inside me. “Love?” I suddenly hear Luke’s voice call from the lounge, where he’s been playing with Ben for hours, and it jolts me out of my trance. “Coming, husband.” I answer, knowing that will make him smile. As I rise to meet my son and the man I love, I reflect that, whatever the future holds, and even though we’ll carry our scars with us forever, the fact that we saved each other, in so many more ways than one, will never change. As neither will the fact that we’ll always keep fighting to make the galaxy a safer place. We’re warriors by nature, and we’re willingly bound together in love and the Force, forever without end. Fin. -----signature----- “Art frees us; and the art of words can take us beyond anything we can say in words.” - Ursula K. Le Guin. Padawan to bmwgurl17. http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/23391968/p1/?0 All Those Reasons. Padmé. A mother's love is stronger than death.
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frankieskywalker Registered: Apr '06	Date Posted: 6/20/06 6:27pm Subject: RE: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette
	i like the way you get to see her innermost thoughts and that they're about the hardships she and luke have lived through. you can see how much she really loves luke and that's a nice change for the no nonsense smuggle/jedi you see in profic -----signature----- and so the plot bunnies attack a whole in his heart http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=24122906&brd=10477 my second fic Your sightless eyes have seen too much http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/24195526/p1/?0
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ginchy Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 6/20/06 6:35pm Subject: RE: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette
	Very nice! Love Mara's train of thought. But the best is the last line: We’re warriors by nature, and we’re willingly bound together in love and the Force, forever without end. Excellent line! -----signature----- ginchy's gambit: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/29089731/p1 ** Ready for 2009.
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academygrad88 Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 6/20/06 6:38pm Subject: RE: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette
	That was beautiful, Anne_Lily. That was a wonderful little viggie and great insight into the mind of Mara Jade Skywalker. AG88 -----signature----- I love my Bomb Disposal Expert Winner of more Golden Ewoks™ than you can possibly imagine! Check out the pictures I made: http://ag88.deviantart.com/ ! You will Kriff Luke Skywalker!~ The Real last Command http://swff.bpweb.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4
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Healer_Leona Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 6/20/06 7:04pm Subject: RE: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette
	Magnificient introspection piece, both the look into Mara herself and her compassionate view of her husband. Truly a beautiful viggie. -----signature----- To me, you're strange and you're beautiful, You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see, You turn every head but you don't see me.
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SilSolo Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 6/20/06 8:23pm Subject: RE: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette
	I'm no Mara expert, but you got her down just right. She's practical and a little sarcastic but can be extremely honest. All I can do now is choose what to do with this priceless chance I’ve been given. Choose and act, like Vergere always says. I'm not a huge L/M fan, but I like your fic. -----signature----- http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/27517284/p1/?11 Like this quick sketch: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/32848083/ ? Then commission me. Prices are negotiable.
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magehound Registered: Jun '06	Date Posted: 6/20/06 8:46pm Subject: RE: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette
	I agree with Sil. You've managed to nail the true essense of Mara. She's such a caring person, that even in her own time of introspection, her thoughts drift to Luke. To how much worse it was for him to deal with the scars of the past. And to Ben. To how she can prevent him from having the same scars that she did, that Luke did. Pragmatic, sensitive, a sea of calm in an ocean of chaos when there's trouble. Mara is the perfect counterpoint for Luke. Very well done. -----signature----- "I choose you, PikIshu!" Knighted by SilSolo. Gracias, senorita. I J/TK! Keywords: Love and Red Hair! Vi veri veniversum vivus vici. "Jaina. Cooked. Dinner. Jace, it's looking at me! It's not dead yet!"-Zekk
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Jade_eyes Registered: Aug '04	Date Posted: 6/21/06 6:55am Subject: RE: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette - Date Edited: 6/21/06 6:59am (1 edits total) Edited By: Jade_eyes
	Wow!!!!! I loved that!!!! The summary of both of their scars but that they saved each other in more ways than one; that interesting list: Callista's included in all the hang ups Luke had like striving to be perfect and his guilt and fall to the Dark Side they're warriors, striving to keep peace but also longing to protect their son from the tragedies and heart aches they went through--so natural; but the last part: bound together in love & the Force--forever without end. I'm a puddle of happy goo, thank you, and I wouldn't have it any other way. -----signature----- I dedicate every num yummy love ballad to Mara/Luke as I completely melt Insatiable mush addict ginchy & IJJ: yours especially Certified Squee! maniac
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Araxie Registered: Mar '06	Date Posted: 6/21/06 8:27am Subject: RE: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette
	What a beautiful story. You had me entranced all the way through it! Wonderful. -----signature----- story index on profile Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present. Speak not Evil of the absent for it is unjust. ~George Washington Member of UPR
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Jedi-2B Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 6/21/06 8:59am Subject: RE: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette
	Beautifully done! This was a wonderful introspection by Mara, both into her own life, and Luke's. -----signature----- It was on her fifteenth day in the darkness of the Nirauan cave when Mara Jade awoke to discover a rescuer had finally arrived. It was not, however, any of the potential rescuers she would have expected. It was Luke. ~~And the rest is history~~
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Anne_Lily Registered: Aug '05	Date Posted: 6/22/06 5:22pm Subject: RE: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette
	Hi! Thanks everybody! I always love reading the things you write, they make me want to write more! I’m so glad you think I got Mara right. She’s such a complex and wonderful character to write... magehound: Mara is the perfect counterpoint for Luke. That’s just sooo right Keep them coming! Anné -----signature----- “Art frees us; and the art of words can take us beyond anything we can say in words.” - Ursula K. Le Guin. Padawan to bmwgurl17. http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/23391968/p1/?0 All Those Reasons. Padmé. A mother's love is stronger than death.
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Gabri_Jade Title: Fan Fiction Archive Editor Emeritus Registered: Nov '02	Date Posted: 6/26/06 12:53am Subject: RE: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette
	I've always felt that Mara would have psychological and emotional scars that would never fully fade, and you portray this well. Very nicely done. -----signature----- Evil Twin of LadyPadme This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us! - Futurama All I can do is be me. Whoever that is. -Bob Dylan The Space Between Heartbeats - L/M AU vig http://boards.theforce.net/b/b1/28870280 !!11!1eleventy
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StarFighter5 Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 6/27/06 9:14am Subject: RE: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette
	What a wonderful fic. It is not often that we get to see such a detailed look into Mara's mind. Luke and Mara look beyond the other's scars and that make their love stronger. -----signature----- "I hope I slept with you to get the job. if not, then who the hell was that guy?" - Carrie Fisher "Now that I'm a pez and a lego, I shall want for nothing else." -Jeremy Bulloch "Thank you for going to the movies. Especially mine." - George Lucas
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Anne_Lily Registered: Aug '05	Date Posted: 6/27/06 6:39pm Subject: RE: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette
	Gabri_Jade: Thank you! I did my best to do Mara justice and portray her faithfully. I always do, but until you tell me, I don’t know if I’ve achieved it. StarFighter5: Thanks! I believe there’s always something that keeps us going, even in spite of our deepest scars, and that scars make us stronger. I’m glad it showed Thanks once again, to all of you -----signature----- “Art frees us; and the art of words can take us beyond anything we can say in words.” - Ursula K. Le Guin. Padawan to bmwgurl17. http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/23391968/p1/?0 All Those Reasons. Padmé. A mother's love is stronger than death.
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JadeSolo Title: NSF managing NSWFF Registered: Sep '02	Date Posted: 6/28/06 1:12pm Subject: RE: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette
	And perhaps, if it hadn’t been the way it was, I may not have been what I am today. I may not have been Luke’s wife, Ben’s mother, a Jedi... All I can do now is choose what to do with this priceless chance I’ve been given. Awww, I loved this. It's very easy to ask "What if?" But it's harder to let go of all the best things that you've pulled out of the worst circumstances. And with this vig, Mara seems to have no intention of having regrets in the future. Great work! -----signature----- "If you expect a kick in the balls and you get a slap in the face, it's a victory." "May God bless you and keep you always...I mean that in a civic deist way." -Prof. Siegel "No guaranteed money, but all guaranteed fun!"
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Anne_Lily Registered: Aug '05	Date Posted: 6/28/06 6:55pm Subject: RE: Scars -- Mara Jade -- Vignette
	JadeSolo: Thank you! I’ve often thought what Mara thinks here. The past was tough, but what I have now is good, and I wouldn’t give it up. And the idea of our past conditioning our present is one that just won’t leave me alone, so I had to write about it. It’s great to know you enjoyed my attempt at doing it -----signature----- “Art frees us; and the art of words can take us beyond anything we can say in words.” - Ursula K. Le Guin. Padawan to bmwgurl17. http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/23391968/p1/?0 All Those Reasons. Padmé. A mother's love is stronger than death.
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