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Author	Topic: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, COMPLETED 5/4 Qualified Best Crossover
MsLanna Title: CR GSFF Central = Offizieller Burger Brater Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 8/17/07 3:30am Subject: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, COMPLETED 5/4 Qualified Best Crossover - Date Edited: 6/22/08 3:37am (10 edits total) Edited By: MsLanna
	Title: All safe places Author: MsLanna Timeframe: whenever Genre: Silly Star Wars/Winnie the Pooh crossover Characters: Vader, Jango Fett, Piglet, Poohâ€¦. Keywords: Silly humour, crossover, Summary: The Dark Lord stranded almost alone above planet Pooh, silliness and stupidity will ensue Notes: By the seat of my pants, flyby story. Don't expect regular updates, please. And though I know about where I want to go, I will change direction for a joke anytime. Disclaimer: Neither is mine... All safe places "Of all safer places to be, I don't think this is one." Winnie the Pooh It was one of those days, you know, those that never really happen and therefore can be labelled AU at will. The Star Destroyer Poohnisher orbited a small green-and-blue planet, as yet unaware of it's sudden change in spelling. From now own, the day was also a crossover, and the readers ran for cover. (Thanks for reading up 'til here, anyway. ). Aboard the Poohnisher Darth Vader was pacing. For better effect, he was pacing right on the bridge, where his angry behaviour incited more fear and nervousness. And there was reason to be nervous. The contact to the Emperor had been broken, in the middle of one of his more endearing rants, and all efforts to contact either him or Coruscant in general, even the Empire in general had failed. Right now the crew was systematically calling everybody in the intergalactic comm-files. That took time and until now nobody could be reached, but it gave the crew something to do besides dropping out of their chairs for fear when the Dark Lord paced by. It seemed as if the whole galaxy had suddenly vanished and left nothing but the planet they orbited and a lot of rubble flowing preordained courses through space. Under normal circumstances, Vader would have released his frustration by choking a subordinate, but considering that getting replacement might be difficult if they were indeed on their own, he decided not to. Which only served to frustrate him more. "Lord Vader," Captain Piett approached his superior with as much caution as military etiquette and crispness allowed. "We finally have made contact." "With whom?" "A bounty hunter. He has just emerged from behind the planet. "A bounty hunter," Vader rasped. "Nothing else?" Piett swallowed hard. "No sir, all other attempt to communicate have failed. We suspect that the only reason we could contact him is because he is where we are. Wherever that is." Vader nodded curtly. "I'll talk to him. Keep trying to communicate." In his private room next to the bridge, Vader settled down to talk some sense, or preferably fear into the bounty hunter. Or just vent some, it did not really matter. "Bounty hunter, respond," he ordered into the comm. It was not as satisfactory as force-choking, but if the scum bag proved expendable, that was at least a welcome option. The screen blinked to life, revealing a completely armoured Mandalorain. At least as far as the image reached. The rest is up to fangirls' imaginations. Though Vader believed he recognized it, but the person under the armour was too bulky to be Boba Fett. Which lifted the Mandalorian in question one step up on the expendable scale. "I am Jango Fett," came the filtered voice, doubly mechanical with the transmission's statics, cursing the already rather overloaded story with the 'timetravel' label. "And you are?" That was a real jump towards expendable. Vader seethed and was beginning to really look forward to terminating the conversation. First, though, he'd have to teach that bounty hunter a lesson or two. "I am Darth Vader." Jango Fett did not seem impressed at all. The reaction should at least have been recognition, Vader decided and added another lift towards expenditure. "You are in charge of that ship?" Fett wanted to know. One more of those, Vader decided, and I will finally get to choke somebody. "It is a Star Destroyer," he informed the ignorant bounty hunter, "and I am in charge of the whole fleet of the Empire." If he could, he would have huffed now. Eat that, scum. "Empire?" Fett's voice was doubtful. "What happened to the Republic and how did you get Chancellor Palpatine's job?" "Where have you been buried the last twenty years?" Vader wanted to know. "The Old Republic fell ages ago and -" Suddenly the name struck home. "You're dead," the Dark Lord proclaimed. There came a thoughtful silence from the other end of the connection. "I do not feel dead. Besides, if I am dwelling in the thereafter, where would that put you?" Vader had to admit that he did not like the implications. "Mace Windu cut off you head, I was there." "I. Am. Not. Dead." Not. Yet, Vader decided. A message appeared on another screen informing him, that dwellings, however rudimental, had been located on the planet. "I will meet you below, coordinates are being transmitted." He broke the connection without waiting for an answer, a Dark Lord simply was not disobeyed. The he returned to the bridge where Piett already stood to attention waiting for the next move. Vader levelled a gloved finger at him. "Bring my shuttle! No wait, it won't fit onto the bridge. Alert it to my arrival then." "But, sir," Piett replied. "Would it not be safer to send a reconnaissance patrol first?" "No, I must go myself. I have felt it in the force." Piett swallowed. When Vader was hearing voices again, there was little one could do; especially, if one wanted to survive. "Yes, sir, immediately, sir!" He saluted crisply and made a mental note to ask the medics to raise Lord Vader's medication. Again. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ They met on a clearing in the forest. Sounds romantic, but if you took into consideration two still ships smelling of hot metal and charred plastic, as well as two completely armed and armoured men - well, forget romantic. Vader and Fett approached each other warily. Their only greeting was a curt inclination of the helmets, acknowledging the presence of the other. "The dwellings are located half a mile south of here," Vader announced. "Neither advanced technology nor life-signs can be traced, though," Fett replied. It was clear that neither wanted to give the other an advantage. If there was to be a leader of this expedition, both would be it. But we know how guys can be so that doesn't come as a surprise. They had almost reached their destinations, when they came upon a small and very pink creature that was collecting acorns. When it saw the to towering figures approach, it dropped its goods with a squeak and ran. Not very far though, as Vader reached out with the force and brought it up into his grip. "What. Is. That?" Vader held Piglet up to Jango's visor at the scruff of his neck. The small animal scrambled around in the air wildly. Finally, in his scared effort to get away from the intimidating black shadow, he managed to wrap his arms around Jango's helmet and hold on tight. Covering the eyes with his ears, he hung there, a quivering pink mass of hyperventilating panic. "My sensors analysis makes it to be 60% cotton, 30% polyester and 10% elastane, and identifies it as," there was a pause, "a stuffed animal." "Hello, Piglet," a voice came from the height of Fett's knee. "What are you doing up there?" Piglet lifted one ear from an eye and glanced down. "Oh, H-hello, Pooh." Before he could explain anything, though, Jango pried him off the helmet. Dangling several feet over the ground again, Piglet immediately put the ear over his eye and resumed quivering, while Fett scanned the newcomer. "Another," he stated. Vader turned his mask to face the cuddly yellow bear with a red shirt. After measuring it for a moment he levelled his finger at it. "I find your lack of pants disturbing." Pooh cocked his head to the side and scratched himself behind an ear, considering the remark. Of course, that took some time. "Why?" he finally replied. Unused to such a stupid degree of insubordination, Vader finally let his anger free and force choked the yellow bear. Not that it showed much of an effect. Pooh scratched his neck absentmindedly, still regarding the cowering Piglet. It's pretty hard to suffocate a stuffed animal. Finally, the Dark Lord left off, feeling a little better, even though the object of his endeavours was not squirming in pain at his feet. If he wanted squirming, he only had to look at Piglet anyway. "The sensors still detect no sign of life," the bounty hunter stated, poking the pink animal. "Piglet, I don't think your new friends are very nice," Pooh spoke up again. "where di you find them?" "I-I-I was just gathering haycorns," Piglet replied, frantically scrambling to escape a sampling apparatus, with which Fett tried to poke some holes into his hide. "When they came out of the woods. You, you don't think they might be Heffalumps, or, or Woozles?" "Too much casing for those," Pooh mused. "Maybe they're a new kind of tortoise?" "In that case they are certainly doing a good job of taking revenge for the invention of tortoise soup," Piglet said. Then he went limp. "I wish Christopher Robin was here." "Fett, leave the pink thing. You can take samples later," Vader ordered. "First we need to find a way back. Is that Christopher Robin your leader?" He asked Pooh. "He is the oldest and most wisest in all the Hundred Acre Wood," Pooh confirmed. "Except for Owl, maybe." "Good, take us to him. He has some things to explain." -----signature----- "You will kill yourself trying to live up to their expectations." "That's okay for me." Cuyir adate jate, bal droten ori'dush Proud Master and buir'ika of Commander_Ducky. My New Title: Lords and Ladies of the Empire
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VaderLVR64 Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 8/17/07 4:21am Subject: RE: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, Silly, silly silly
	Okay, I have NO idea where you're going with this, but count me in! Please PM when you update. -----signature----- R.I.P John, Alex, Jason, and Christian Never forgotten Soldiers' Angels http://soldiersangels.org/ 2114 soldiers waiting for someone to care
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snowspeeder_gunner Registered: Apr '07	Date Posted: 8/17/07 5:12am Subject: RE: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, Silly, silly silly
	So funny! I love how he couldn't choke them, and Piglet's suggestion of "heffalumps" was hysterical. Darth Heffalump. The first conversation between Vader and Jango was funny too, especially this line: "Mace Windu cut off you head, I was there." "I. Am. Not. Dead." Great job, could I be on the PM list? -----signature----- haha! it's like the stars are my icon!
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Quigonjecca Registered: Jul '07	Date Posted: 8/17/07 8:24am Subject: RE: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, Silly, silly silly
	Count me in. This has to be the most pointless fanfiction I've ever read... I love it! Hahahahaha! -----signature----- I'm baaaack! Haha, no one even knew I was gone On NaNoWriMo: TheJestersDaughter Blog: http://www.reviewsfromthenotebook.blogspot.com Feel free to PM me. I've got to get back into the spirit of things somehow Best New Author in the 2008 Saga Awards!
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MarasFire Registered: Jun '07	Date Posted: 8/17/07 8:32am Subject: RE: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, Silly, silly silly
	Vader turned his mask to face the cuddly yellow bear with a red shirt. After measuring it for a moment he levelled his finger at it. "I find your lack of pants disturbing." Pooh cocked his head to the side and scratched himself behind an ear, considering the remark. Of course, that took some time. "Why?" he finally replied. Unused to such a stupid degree of insubordination, Vader finally let his anger free and force choked the yellow bear. Not that it showed much of an effect. Pooh scratched his neck absentmindedly, still regarding the cowering Piglet. It's pretty hard to suffocate a stuffed animal. Finally, the Dark Lord left off, feeling a little better, even though the object of his endeavours was not squirming in pain at his feet. If he wanted squirming, he only had to look at Piglet anyway. "The sensors still detect no sign of life," the bounty hunter stated, poking the pink animal. "Piglet, I don't think your new friends are very nice," Pooh spoke up again. "where did you find them?" "Fett, leave the pink thing. You can take samples later," Vader ordered. "First we need to find a way back. Is that Christopher Robin your leader?" He asked Pooh. "He is the oldest and most wisest in all the Hundred Acre Wood," Pooh confirmed. "Except for Owl, maybe." This is great! I could actually imagine all of this happening.... Please add me to the PM list! -----signature----- It's better to laugh than to cry, don't you think? I do. Even when the world is scary and sad. Especially when the world is scary and sad. That's when you need to laugh. —Marco
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MsLanna Title: CR GSFF Central = Offizieller Burger Brater Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 8/25/07 3:53am Subject: RE: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, Silly, silly silly
	Don't worry, Vadey, you'll find out soon enough. Or not. I don't know how often I manage to find some time for this with my capricious Muse hunting me. snowspeeder_gunner, feel free to tell the story of Darth Heffalump. In a cooperation, I'll make Jedi Knight Piglet fight him. I'm not trying to make apoint, Quigonjecca, this is just for fun. But rather pointless indeed. Glad you had fun, MarasFire. Maybe we should send Vader some teddies, so his choking habits stop decimating his crew. imagines Vader with teddy bear And Pooh is only telling the truth about Christoper Robin. You have all been listfied, of course. -----signature----- "You will kill yourself trying to live up to their expectations." "That's okay for me." Cuyir adate jate, bal droten ori'dush Proud Master and buir'ika of Commander_Ducky. My New Title: Lords and Ladies of the Empire
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divapilot Registered: Nov '05	Date Posted: 8/25/07 10:02am Subject: RE: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, Silly, silly silly
	Oh how cute! "I am Jango Fett," came the filtered voice, doubly mechanical with the transmission's statics, cursing the already rather overloaded story with the 'timetravel' label. "And you are?" That was a real jump towards expendable. I'm happy to see that Vader went to the planet with Jango Fett. It's so much friendlier with two. Very, very clever! -----signature----- Never tell me the odds. UConn: Huskies forever! RIP Jasper Howard, #6 "Focus on what matters. It's about the GAME, not each other. Dumb humans."
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Jade_eyes Registered: Aug '04	Date Posted: 8/25/07 10:26am Subject: RE: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, Silly, silly silly
	Like Vadey, I also don't know where you're going with this but I'm too tickled to care. Hey... if this is as or even stranger than Thimblerig Gambit, you know I'll love it!!! Orthe Empire of Alderaan with the Leias all switched??? Oh, yes, I like zany fics. Could I have a PM whenever this continues?? -----signature----- Spock/Nyota, woven forever together in gorgeous bonds of Nyota's "Cherished Moments" diary's gonna be hawt, hawt, melty! Squggles! [face_melting into 10 buckets!]
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Ceillean Title: Scattergories and 20 Questions Hostess Registered: Nov '01	Date Posted: 8/26/07 3:59am Subject: RE: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, Silly, silly silly
	This is so funny. My fav part: "What. Is. That?" Vader held Piglet up to Jango's visor at the scruff of his neck. "My sensors analysis makes it to be 60% cotton, 30% polyester and 10% elastane, and identifies it as," there was a pause, "a stuffed animal." Could you PM me please? -----signature----- All for one and one for all: JC MUSKETEER!! I claim Kyp Durron.
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moosemousse Title: CR - FF:UK South Registered: Oct '04	Date Posted: 8/30/07 8:19am Subject: RE: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, Silly, silly silly
	Can I have some more, please? -----signature----- Vader's Mousedroid Society Fanfic links in my bio My fan art: http://boards.theforce.net/fan_art/b10020/26961879/ Bei der Instalation ältere Versionen aktualisiert # Boards: -1 \| # Messages: -1 (-1 today)
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MsLanna Title: CR GSFF Central = Offizieller Burger Brater Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 9/1/07 1:45pm Subject: RE: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, Silly, silly silly - Date Edited: 9/2/07 2:37am (3 edits total) Edited By: MsLanna
	Well, divapilot, he needs somebody to talk to, apart from the Force... Besides I just wanted Jango along. It's gonna be very silly, Jade_eyes, probably strange to, but since I'm no stranger to strangeness, I might never realize. I wouldn't dare to say I'm as good as PonyTricks. The Empire of Alderaan was pure genius. Welcome to teh madness, Ceillean. That is my fave part, too. If I could draw, that would be the cover... Of course, moosemousse. Though I can't tell how often I'll update. Not regular, I'm afraid. Since teddy bears in general tend to have very short legs, and Vader's temper is know to be even shorter, it did not take long for the Dark Lord of the Sith to be completely annoyed by Pooh's slow progress. He bent down and grabbed the yellow bear, tucking it under his arms. Pooh will of course complain, but first he'll need some time to realize what happened. Jango had already stuffed the unresisting Piglet into a chest pocket, obviously considering him as his property. Maybe he was even considering to give it to his son to play with, which is, in general a good idea. I don't think either of them had enough fluff in his life. And thus, while the birds sang and the butterflies fluttered, two men in menacing body armour marched through the forest, each with a plushie about him. Savour the view, it's one in a lifetime. After a short walk (using long legs) the group arrived at Owl's house. Nestled into the top of a tree, it was difficult to reach for the inhabitants of the Hundred Acre Wood who could not fly. Vader and Jango simply took up positions at either side of it, and peered into the windows. They leaned forward perfectly synchronously, and, as if pushed by the approaching forces, Owl came fluttering out of the front door as the helmets all but touched the windows. Jango's head snapped around, as he set his sensors to work on the latest discovery. "Still no signs of life," he stated. Then he turned his attention back to analysing the tree house "Piglet!" Owl exclaimed, when her realized whose arms and head were sticking out of the strangers chest pocket. "How did you get into this strange predicament?" "Hello, Owl," Pooh called from under Vader's arm, before Piglet could try to explain. "I am glad we found you at home." Vader raised the yellow bear to his face. "I thought you said we were going to Christopher Robin," he rasped menacingly. "Hmmm, sure," Pooh hummed, not the least impressed. "But, don't you know he is at school?" "When will he be back?" The Dark Lord demanded to know. "I-if he's smart," Piglet stuttered, "not be-before you're gone-e." "Of course, he will be back," Owl began. "Though the exact time of his return is difficult to determine because of the wilful nature of time." He clasped his wings on his back and paced on his porch. "As you most certainly know," he lectured on, "the four dimensions we experience on a day to day basis are not the only dimensions, not by a long way. So if we assume now, that while it is now here, it might very well be then there. Or in other words..." Vader and Fett would have exchanged meaningful (or exasperated) glances now, but since they wore helmets, that is up to discussion. They were facing each other, though, while Owl ranted on happily, with Pooh and Piglet as a grateful audience. "... so you can not fail but to realize that even if he should be back in a moment, we might not realize it until last Tuesday." Owl stopped and looked at the newcomers. "Of course, your presence here only complicates things. There has to be a severe disturbance in the time-space continuinuinuum to allow you here. Rifts, wormholes, it might even have been caused by-" "Shut up!" Vader ordered. "This nonsense is getting us nowhere. In one sentence, what happened?" "Well," Owl took his time for looking really thoughtful, if not even wise. "The trousers of time have gotten all knotted up with the shirts of space and everything is kinda gone fluffy during tumble drying." "Superstring Theory has not brought us to where we are today," Vader objected, levelling his gloved index finger at the pert bird. "Strings," Pooh mused, "that have gotten all knotted up. Can't we just un-knot them?" "That's a good idea," Piglet chimed in, ready to try anything to get the scary visitors away. "I have some string at home, we could use that." "Wonderful!" Owl exclaimed. "I will draw you a map. This will be another great adventure!" Remembering the last time, Owl had sent them on a grand adventure, Piglet put his ears over his eyes and tried to hide completely in Jango's chest pocket. "Wh-wh-whatever. Oh dear." "This calls for a grand plan in many steps," Owl announced. "First you must locate the exact place of the anomaly, then you will have to find a way to undo it and get yourself sorted into the right fictioverse at the same time. And let's not forget the hordes of Heffalumps, Woozles and other monsters on the way." "Wormholes should be in the ground," Pooh argued. "We should ask Gopher for help. Maybe he has seen one lately." "Do we have to put up with this nonsense?" Jango wanted to know. "I am afraid so," Vader replied. "Nothing in this place is making sense, but if we want to return, we must follow the rules here." "The Force telling you that?" Jango asked suspiciously. "I am strong in the Force, and no amount of fluffy silliness can change that," the Dark Lord huffed. "And if you have a better idea than to listen to the Force, you better speak up now." His hand moved closer to the lightsaber fastened at his belt. "No, no plan," Jango shrugged. "But if you should feel like having some Thorzine, just tell me, right?" Owl had meanwhile used the time to get a pen and pencil. With great enthusiasm, he drew a complicated apparatus and accompanied it with formulas that made as much sense as e=mc². Only that he used a lot more letters, powers, radical signs and even more radical signs. "Give this to Gopher," he said, thrusting the paper at Vader. "He will know just what to do." Automatically, Vader took the sheet. "I would so like to join you on your big quest," Owl said, already withdrawing into his house. "But I have some research to do." He banged his door shut. "Can we stop at Rabbit's on the way to Gopher?" Pooh asked. "I'm feeling just a tiny little bit hungry, and he is always so accommodating." -----signature----- "You will kill yourself trying to live up to their expectations." "That's okay for me." Cuyir adate jate, bal droten ori'dush Proud Master and buir'ika of Commander_Ducky. My New Title: Lords and Ladies of the Empire
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moosemousse Title: CR - FF:UK South Registered: Oct '04	Date Posted: 9/1/07 2:12pm Subject: RE: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, Silly, silly silly; updated 9/1
	Great update. I'm loving it. -----signature----- Vader's Mousedroid Society Fanfic links in my bio My fan art: http://boards.theforce.net/fan_art/b10020/26961879/ Bei der Instalation ältere Versionen aktualisiert # Boards: -1 \| # Messages: -1 (-1 today)
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Jade_eyes Registered: Aug '04	Date Posted: 9/1/07 2:20pm Subject: RE: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, Silly, silly silly; updated 9/1
	A wormhole in the ground?? LOL You won't know about it until last Tuesday?? Trousers and shirts all tangled... HEE! Loved that!! -----signature----- Spock/Nyota, woven forever together in gorgeous bonds of Nyota's "Cherished Moments" diary's gonna be hawt, hawt, melty! Squggles! [face_melting into 10 buckets!]
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snowspeeder_gunner Registered: Apr '07	Date Posted: 9/1/07 8:32pm Subject: RE: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, Silly, silly silly; updated 9/1
	Haha, Owl is so crazy. I don't think either of them had enough fluff in his life. Maybe if they had had fluffy toys, they wouldn't have been bounty hunters! I love this story, keep it up! -----signature----- haha! it's like the stars are my icon!
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Alexis_Wingstar Registered: Sep '06	Date Posted: 9/1/07 10:31pm Subject: RE: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, Silly, silly silly; updated 9/1
	Ok, so far I've only read the first post, and you've caught me hook line and sinker! Please PM me with updates! "I find your lack of pants disturbing." -----signature----- 3rd time NaNoWriMo Participant 3rd time's the charm, right? RIGHT?
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VaderLVR64 Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 9/2/07 5:04am Subject: RE: ~ All Safe Places ~ SW/Winnie the Pooh crossover, Silly, silly silly; updated 9/1
	I could hear Pooh's adorable little voice speaking these lines! WHich is rather surprising, considering that I could also picture Vader quite clearly! Since teddy bears in general tend to have very short legs, and Vader's temper is know to be even shorter, it did not take long for the Dark Lord of the Sith to be completely annoyed by Pooh's slow progress. He bent down and grabbed the yellow bear, tucking it under his arms. Pooh will of course complain, but first he'll need some time to realize what happened. One doesn't usually think of Pooh and Vader at the same time! -----signature----- R.I.P John, Alex, Jason, and Christian Never forgotten Soldiers' Angels http://soldiersangels.org/ 2114 soldiers waiting for someone to care
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