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Author	Topic: Change Serious Ep II Lines to Comedy Ep II Lines.
jengafett Registered: Oct '04	Date Posted: 3/22/05 10:59am Subject: Change Serious Ep II Lines to Comedy Ep II Lines. - Date Edited: 3/22/05 11:05am (2 edits total) Edited By: jengafett
	This is basically a humour thread. Where we parody any lines from Ep II into comedy lines. Feel free to post your comedy talents. Here's some of mine and my friends. Anakin: We decided to come and rescue you. Obi-Wan: <looks at his chains> Good job. Anakin: Nice attitude, Master. Tell you what, next time we won't bother, okay? Padme: Jedi aren't allowed to marry. You'll be expelled from the Order. I will not let you give up your future for me. Anakin: <backing away> Whoa! Whoa! Who said anything about marriage? I just thought we could have a little fun, that's all! Jedi Master St'An and his padawan apprentice Ky-Ile pause during a dramatic moment in the arena battle. St'an: "Oh my God! They killed Jango!" Ky-Ile: "You Basterds!" Anakin(in battle on Geonosia):Hey, is that 3PO? ATTACK!!!!! Yoda:Hasta Lavista Dooku! Obi-Wan:This is why I hate flying! Charge blows chunk off of nearby asteroid. Obi-Wan barely scrapes by. Obi-Wan:Nope, I was wrong. That is why I hate flying! Obi-wan to Count Dooku: "I'll never join you." Count Dooku: "Uhmm, okay then. I'm your father." in the battle arena, right when the clones are coming. Nute Gunray: Oh NO! It's the Attack of the Clones! Count Dooko: No #############. Uknown Jedi Padawan in arena on Geonosia:UUHH Wait! Time! My lightsaber's broken! Amidala: "Jar Jar Binks." Jar Jar: "Meesa you highness?" Amidala: "Yes, youssa." Mace with lightsaber at Dooku's throat: This party's over.(pause) Ok. Now I am sure you are all wondering why I don't just kill Dooku right now while I have my lightsaber at his throat. I was wondering the same thing. All I can say is, if I did the smart thing and ended this now, there would be no Ep. 4,5,and 6. How bout, Mace with lightsaber at Jango's throat: "Party over... Hey, is that a Big Kahuna burger?" R2D2: bleep bleep bib brrrrrrp brrb C3PO: SAME TO YOU TO PAL Dooku:Yoda, you may be powerful, but I am taller than you are. Yoda:Size matters not! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! Yoda kicks butt! Anakin talking to Zam Wesell:(angrily) TELL US! Zam:You know, you're not going to get a whole lot out of me with that attitude. Hasn't your master taught you anything about manners. Can you say please? Anakin:(through gritted teeth)PLEASE will you tell us who hired you? Zam:Sure it was Jaaaaaaaa!(shot) Anakin:Dang! Death stick dealer: wanna death stick? Ob-wan: Yes please, how much do I owe ya? OB1 to Anakin in the club "Well if your not going to be the death of me at least you ARE driving me to drink!" Still I think he IS going to be the death of me! Better enjoy my drink! Mace:Why did the Sith cross the road? Yoda:Why? Mace:Because he could!HAHAHAHAhaha...ahum well, I thought it was funny. Padme talking about sand... Anakin: I hate sand...especially when it get's in your bathing suit. Don't you just hate that feeling your Majesty? Anakin:ONE DAY I WILL BE THE MOST POWERFUL JEDI EVER!!!!! Padme:Yup. Anakin:What? Padme:Yup. You are going to be the most powerful Jedi ever. You will rule as a Dark Jedi known as Darth Vader. Your name will be feared throughout the galaxy. But your son, who you don't know exists, is going to turn you back to the good side right before you die saving him from evil Emperor Palpatine. Anakin:Are you allright, Padme. I don't think you are feeling very well. Padme:Just wait. You'll see. Anakin:Ok.....(to himself) and I thought I was crazy. Dooku and Anakin dueling...Anakin becomes open for attack and Dooku strikes his arm Dooku: You're defeated. Anakin: It's just a flesh wound. I'll be alright. Dooku: Not if I slice off your other arm (strikes down on his other arm) Anakin: Now look what you've gone and done. Starts kicking Dooku Dooku: Enough (cuts off both his legs)You're finished and you are defeated. Anakin: No, I'm not. Dooku: What are you going to do, bleed on me? Jedi Brat: Someone must have erased it from the archives. Obi-Wan (smacking forehead): D'oh! Yoda: Too quick on the uptake we are not, eh. Master Obi-Wan? Jedi Brat: Hey Master Obi-Wan, check this out! (He hands Obi-Wan an index card on which has been written, in large letters, "HOW DO YOU KEEP A MORON IN SUSPENSE? TURN OVER") (Obi-Wan turns the card over only to find the same message. He turns it over several more times, growing increasingly frustrated, until Yoda, shaking his head sadly, force-pushes him from the room.) Obi-wan Mace and Yoda walking in large collesium chamber Mace: Anakins training has come along rather quickly Obi-Wan: Yes, but alogn with this training has made him arrogant. Yoda: Yes, starting to see that in padawans at that-ahhhh (Yoda's repulsor chair starts wobbling and crashes to the ground) Yoda: stupid- friggen- no good- son of a-...about your business go, Master Windu and Obi-Wan, deal with this I can. (yoda pulls out his lightsaber and starts slashing away at the repulsor chair) {when Anakin and Padme rolled around in the grass} the next scene, they return, but this time Anakin is slappin Padme on the butt, hittin it doggie style. Padme to anakin as he speeds off on his speeder bike to find his mother: "You drive like a bat out of h@ll...I do wish you'd wear a HELMET Anakin replies: Yeah and I suppose I should get an INHALERtoo...Then I'd really look like a geek. Padme: Ani, What's wrong? Anakin: What do you think? My mother just died you idiot! Mace: This parties over. Dooku, Jango, boba etc: SUPRISE!!!!! Yoda: Fought well you have, my old padawan. Dooku: Damn right! Dooku:It seems we cannot solve this contest with our knowledge of the force, but with our skills with a lightsaber. Yoda: Let's rock! Mace: What is it? Yoda: Quiet down fool. Dooku: The republic is now under the control of the Dark Lord of the Sith. Obi Wan: ########! Okay this isn't an actual thing that couldv'e been said. But I was thinking, in very bad taste, if when they show Anakin flying back with his mom on the back of the bike, she kept falling off. You see him in the distance keep stopping getting off his bike and putting her back on. Stupid I know but I thought funny. when yoda comes in after dooku has beaten obi and anakin , "count dooku.....do u know where the crapper is!..ive got a squigy turtle neck stickin out!!!" yoda starts jumping around rubing his ####aginst the obi and it leads them to start humping each other!!......sorry got a bit carried away.. OB1 to Prime Minster Lama Su: Sifo-Dyas? Who's Sifo-Dyas? Lama Su: Well you see Count Dukoo came here pretending to be Master Sifo Dyas.. ut-takes: Yoda: Begun, this clown war has. Lucas: CUT! Yoda, you messed up your lines again. Yoda: Damn it! Lucas: It's CLONE war, not clown war okay? Okay, lets take it from the top. [pause] Aaaaaannd ACTION! Yoda: Begun, this Clooney war has. Lucas: CUT! Now Yoda, I understand that there is little distinction to be made between Clown and Clooney, but the word is CLONE okay? Say it with me; Cuhhhh-looooone. Yoda: Cuhhhh-looooone. Lucas: Okay, so lets try it one more time, and stay on top of your game this time, okay Yoda? Yoda: Screw you flannel lover! YOU try working a twelve hour shift with a senior citizens hand shoved up your ### and see how 'on top of your game' YOU are! Okay- I am having a great time... I would love to hear others reations to the posts. Which do you think are funny?? I love the hoover cart crash..and the I'm your father. Boba Fett holding the helmet after Jango is beheaded: Dad, Dad are you in there? Yoda after battle with Dooku: Hey, Bengay really does work! JarJar: Messa Sifo Dyas! Obi-wan and Anakin standing in Padme's living room quarters Anakin turns his head Obi-Wan: I sense that too. They rush into the next room Anakin: Ewww, what are those things, I'm not touching them. Get away, get away. Obi-Wan: (looking out the window) No way I'm jumping after that droid. "Anakin: THINKING just after fooling Padme that he was injured by falling off the shaak (giant tick-thing). Wow she gullible! Like a Jedi could get hurt falling off a tick. This is going to be easier than I thought. Maybe later I'll CRY...yeah that 'll do it. She'll be giving it up in no time " when they show Anakin flying back with his mom alive on the back of the bike, she kept falling off and that's how she died. Padme and Anakin standing on a dock or whatever it was looking out to the sea... Anakin starts to kiss Padme... Padme: Woo, wait, what is that? Anakin: What? (with confused smile) Padme: Is that spinich in your teeth? Padme: I do not like this idea of hiding... Anakin: Geez, lady, don't you ever use contractions?! Padme and Anakin in the fireplace room: Anakin: If you are suffering as much as I am, please tell me! Padme: Yeah, I'm suffering through your performance! I keep swiping back and forth.. some of these are just TOOOOOOO funny.... Ok, let's see... Elan Sleazebaggano: "You wanna buy some deathsticks?" Obi-Wan (waving his hand): "No. But you'll give them to me for free." Elan: "I'll give them to you for free." In the elevator. Obi-Wan> You look nervous. Anakin> Of course I'm nervous. Do you know how many times I've spanked it to this chick? Anikan holds up his mechano hand.... "Groovey" Brezy, who ALWAYS shops Smart! Shops S-MArt! Yoda meditating alone as Anakin slaughters the Tuskens. Mace Windu walks in unannounced: Yoda: "Knock before entering ever, have you, Master Windu?" Anakin sobbing in the homestead as Padme enters. Padme: "Anakin, what's wrong?" Anakin: "My mom always used to make me this really yummy pie, and now, who's gonna...???(voice trails off and he begins weeping) booohoooo" Taun We: "We've been expecting you." Obi-Wan: "I'm expected?" Taun We: "You Jedi don't know your frappin' left hand from your right, do you?" Voice of Qui-Gon: Anakin NO!...what the...what is he doing...ok Anakin, kill him but noone else. Geez, that was freaky. but here's a stupid 1, every time jarjar binks came in the room i could imagine everyone saying "go away jarjar" While flying by the flaming torches in the speeder chase, Obi's beard catches fire. Yoda attacks Dooku. He uses the force to hold his lightsaber in the air while he stands back. Fight rages, then suddenly, Dooku reaches out and grabs the lightsaber handle from the air. Oops! padme:jedi are not allowed to marry are they? anikan:heck i'm just a padawan i'm no jedi In the elevator. Obi-Wan> You look nervous. Anakin> Of course I'm nervous. Do you know how many times I've spanked it to this chick? continued... Obi-Wan> You too? We are the Knights who saaaaaaayyyyyy, "This party's over!" I like the one about Yoda bloopers, but you forgot "Begun these cologne wars have." Yoda:The dark side clouds everything. Mace:Define everything. Yoda:What, I don't know that.AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! Sorry, just had to throw one more Monty Python in. Boba picks up Jangos helmet and the head falls out. Boba: Ahhhhh! When anakin is moving in to kiss padme at the lake retreat. Anakin; Give me some sugar, baby. Yoda sitting in the meditation room quietly meditating. Mace walks in: Mace: Yo, man... did you #### in here? Yoda: 800 years that #### brewing, yes. Mace: SOMEONE HIT THE FAN! Anakin learns the true power of the force with the wave of his hand. Padme: Stop it Anakin (while rehooking her bra strap. JarJar:Mesa would like to inform the council that I am Sypho Dyus and I plan to rule the universe.AHAHAHAAH
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jengafett Registered: Oct '04	Date Posted: 3/25/05 4:59pm Subject: RE: Change Serious Ep II Lines to Comedy Ep II Lines. - Date Edited: 3/25/05 4:59pm (1 edits total) Edited By: jengafett
	jango is running up the slave 1 ramp, and instead of ducking he hits his head and yells doh. Anakin uses his force power to fly the fruit from Padme's plate to his. Padme:Hey, I was gonna eat that! Anakin:I know, but... Padme:Don't you "I know, but" me! If we are ever going to be together you have to know how to ask! You never take a fruit from a psychotic senator without asking! Yoda:"Lost a planet Obi-Wan has" Obi-Wan (eyes filling with tears):"shut up!shut up!" then runs from the room sobbing uncontrollably to the sound of Yoda & younglings laughter. Padme in Geonosia battle:Who needs a blaster! These droids have sucky aim and I am a main character. I am invincible!!!!!!!! Obi-wan walks up to an inhabitant of Kamino. Obi-wan: Man thats a long neck! Kaminonian: All the better to swallow you with! Boba picks up Jango's helmet, peers inside and says, "Hello in there..." jango fett flies up in jet pak and it brakes and he falls to the ground Boba picks up his dad's severed head, "Wooooooo, you know he ain't gonna be in Episode III." Obi and Kaminoan walk into Jango's room. Obi enters and Kaminoan bangs his head, OOF, and falls backwards to the floor. Jango puts his jetpack on upside down. do you have any idea who is behind these attacks? our sources trace to the spice mines i think it was count dooku well duh! he's evil and he and darth sidious are ganged up together to take over the universe. everyone knows that! Anakin how many times have I told you to stay away from the power cuplincs. Fourteen Anakin: ive thought about her every day since we parted Obi-Wan: you have no life Anakin, "if you'll excuse me." he falls and misses the speeder by about ten feet, "Damnit", falls to his doom "Join me obi wan and together we can destroy the sith." "I dont know, whats in my plan" "401K, a geonosis trip, all expenses paid of course, and an HMO" "HMO, no way," Anakin: I'm in agony. When I'm not with you I can't breath. Padme: (Using Queen Elizabeth II's speaking voice). Please pass the salt. [in the scene where Anakin and Padme are getting off the canoe in Naboo] Frog1: Bud- Frog2: Weis- Frog3: -er [scene where poisonous bugs are crawling up Padme] [Anakin rushes in the room and chops up Kouhuns, Obi-Wan dashes across it, jumps out of the window, and misses the droid] Obi-Wan: Blast this! Obi wan and anakin outside padmes room. Anakin turns his head. Obi Wan- I sense it too. The rush in to see Padme changing. "It appears I have taught you well my young apprentice" He says, drooling. Anakin looks at his FUBAR'd lightsaber and says, "Cheap K-Mart knock offs." Anakin: She is covering the camera. She said she doesnt like the idea of me watching...and umm....self gratifing my self. Padme: Ani? My goodness, you've grown. Obi-Wan: Grown what - fungus? Boba picks up the helmet says Dad, Dad are you in there (continued)...Oh well,I can get another one, or two, or ten on Kamino...whatever it takes! Yoda: Lost a planet OB1 has how embarrassing...how embarrassing...OB1, What have you been smoking? OB1: (matter-of-factly) Death Sticks. (Head falls out) in the bar, obi wan's senses fail, and he chops off the hand of a passer-by instead of zam wessel. Padme to anakin as he speeds off on his speeder bike to find his mother: "You drive like a bat out of h@ll...I do wish you'd wear a HELMET Anakin replies: Yeah and I suppose I should get an INHALERtoo...Then I'd really look like a geek. Yoda: To the forward control station, take me. Clone commander: Speak English man. as dooku flies off of geonosis, on of the core ships crashes into the trade federation battle ships. Ob1 and Dooku face off. Dooku:I see your schwartz is as big as mine. Now lets see how well you handle it. anakin to zam outside the nightclub- where did u get those kouhuns!!!!!!??? zam- i found them anakin-u found them in courscant? those kouhuns are tropical! zam- what do u mean? anakin- well this is a temperate zone zam- the swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin or the plover seek warmer hot lands in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land anakin-r u suggesting kouhuns migrate? zam- not at all, they could be carried anakin-what? a swallow carrying a kouhun? zam- why not? anakin-ill tell u why not, a swallow is about eight inches long and weighs five ounces, and ud be lucky to find a kouhun under a pound zam- it could grip it.. anakin- its not a question of where he grips it, its a simple matter of weight ratios, a five inch swallow could not hold a one pound kouhun zam- well it doesn't matter.... Padme: Ani, What's wrong? Anakin: What do you think? My mother just died you idiot! I cant believe that only one other person was thinking this except me ! As Obi-Wan walks back to his starfighter Taun We,as she rubs her neck: Whew! Those Jedi are so hot! i just thought it would be funny for some one to kick klieg lars of of his hover chair In the Lar's basement when anikan throws the canisyer,it hits the wall comes back and knocks him on his feet (later he bleeds to death) When mace has his saber to jangos throat and says this partys over the shaft theme starts playing if yoda would loose his ligtsaber then pick his stick and say "feel the wrath of my beat down stick" If ani got trampled by the pig thing and Padme just laughs Dealer:Wanna buy some death sticks? Obi:You don't want to sell me deathsticks Dealer:Yes I do. Obi:Yes you do. Dealer:You will pay me handsomely for them. Obi:I will pay you handsomely for them. <Dooku and Obi-Wan are dueling> Dooku: Master Obi-Wan, I'm disappointed. And Yoda thinks so highly of you.... <Obi-Wan grins and chuckles as he did in the elavator> Dooku: Something funny, Master Kenobi? Obi-Wan: It's just that I know something you don't. Dooku: What's that? Obi-Wan: I'm not left handed Wan: you're focusing on the negative, be mindful of your thoughts. Ani: But I don't wanna be a Jedi(whines) I really wanna be...A Lumberjack! (background changes to clones in a choir) Ani: Yes I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay I cut down trees to impress Padme'. and so on.. How about in the Yoda fight scene, when he uses the force to pull his lightsaber, instead of going to his hand, it hits him in the head. (whew, long sentence) Or... In the speeder chase in the begining, they get pulled over by a cop, and use the Jedi Mind Trick to get out of a speeding ticket. Bar scene.. "Do you wanna buy some death sticks?" "You don't want to sell me any Death Sticks, but I will take the "other stuff"." Or.. "Do you wanna change your long distance company. Switch to Sprint and get 1000 anytime minutes for 25.00" "Do I look like Jar-Jar?" Right after Zam dies from the poison dart, Obi-Wan picks it up and says "Its a poison dart" then ###### himself with it, says "Oh ####!" and falls over on top of Zam. anakin and padme are rolling in the grass. suddenly, there is a piercing scream anakin: whats wrong? padme: i broke a nail While Anakin and Padme are rolling around in the grass. Padme: Oh, Ani, its ok. Anakin: What? (confused..but then realizing) Oh we just rolled over the water. Padme: (relieved) Yipee! fireplace scene.. sorry if not acurate but i think pretty close.. padme: if you follow your thoughts to conclusion you see it will lead us to a place we can not go anakin: fine so we'll go somewhere else besides disney land padme puts her hand on her hand and shakes disapprovingly Obi-wan: Anakin, this saber is your life. Because..... Every saber is sacred Every saber is great Cause if a saber is wasted Mace gets quite irate jango: Always a pleasure to meet a jedi, well actually there was thing one jedi, i dont know if you know him, palpa someting, goes by the name sidious, aparently he is big back in the republic. He said something about his new apprentice, something about the sith, blah blah to make a long story short, he plays a mean game of pin the tail on the nexu mace talking to dooku as the jedi whip out there sabers, "we are the jedi knights who say Ne" dooku: "what must we do to escape, oh night who says ne" Mace: "you must realese the prisoners, cut down the larges tree on endor with...a herring, and bring us.......a shrubbry. Padme : "I love you." Anakin : "You love me?" Padme : I truly, deeply love you, and before we die, I want you to know." Anakin : Yippeee ! Beru in the kitchen (to herself) : Will I be serving this f**ing blue milk for the rest of my life?! Nate Gunray : "She can't do that! Jango, shoot her or something!" Jango : "No way she looks too hot in that white outfit!!" Aankin: "They're like animals! And I slaughtered them like animals!" Padme: "Fool! Why didn't you bring some back to barbeque?" Obi-Wan: "Your thoughts betray you. You've made a committment to the Jedi Order, a committment not easily broken". Anakin: "Master Obi-Wan, try this just for once! For me!....'Yeah, she's something'...."See how much more supportive that is!?! And if you want betrayal, you just wait, cause it's comin'!!!" Anakin: "My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar." Padme: "Well, what do you know, my heart is beating too!" oh crp! I think I just broke a rib! obi wan:I'll never join you! count dooku:uh...okay, I'm your father! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! As for my own: dooku: off with your arm- anakin interupts anakin:wait,wait,wait! go for the leg, the arms been done anakin:have you seen the zam wessel action figure!? Anakin: "The thought of not being with you makes my stomach turn over--my mouth goes dry." Padme: "Oh no! Do you need some Pepto-Bismol?" Dooku: "It is obvious that this will not be decided by our knowledge of the force, but by our skill with...a juicer!!!" He and Yoda then face-off with a smoothie making contest!!! Yoda wins using an 800 year old recipe!!! Mace: "Why couldn't we see this attack on the Senator?" Yoda: "Learn to blink faster we must..." Padme: "Anakin--you've grown up." Anakin: "Ha ha, shortypants." Obi-Wan: "Anakin. Don't do anything without first consulting myself or the council." Hours later in mid-flight.... Anakin to the Council, who've gathered to hear what they believe to be an important mission update.... Anakin: "So, I was thinking I'd pinch a loaf and then nap before we get to Naboo in 27 hours. That work for you, Masters???" Mace Windu: "The boy has exceptional skills." Obi-Wan (frowning irritatedly: "Well, mine are better! So there!" Jango: "I'm just a simple man trying to make my way in the universe." Obi-Wan: "Well then, I thought maybe you were the model for a clone army that a Sith Lord was using to parlay his way into a galactic dictatorship. My bad!" Mace Windu: "Our information points to disgruntled spice miners on Naboo." Padme: "Real good then. Chancellor, can you get Frank Derbin here off the case and assign a real Jedi! Spice miners....Jesus H!" Padame - Anakin, you've grown up Anakin - Well duh its been 10 years did u expect me to shrink or something? At the bar, a glass is placed in from of OBI-WAN. A drink is poured. He lifts the glass. ELAN SLEAZEBAGGANO Wanna buy some nude pictures of Senator Amidala ? OBI-WAN looks at him. He moves his fingers slightly. OBI-WAN You don't want to sell me nude pictures. ELAN I don't want to sell you nude pictures . OBI-WAN moves his fingers. OBI-WAN You want to go home and rethink... wait a minute, how much?
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new_jedistarfighter Registered: Jul '04	Date Posted: 3/26/05 7:46pm Subject: RE: Change Serious Ep II Lines to Comedy Ep II Lines.
	Those are very funny. -----signature----- Proud Member of the Jedi Technicians Crew (JTC) "Do what must be done. Do note hesitate, show no mercy!" I like explosions. big explosions, small explosions, wide explosions, tall explosions...
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