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Topic:
Not Hers to Keep - Mother's Day Challenge Response - Shmi and Anakin
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VaderLVR64
Title: Fan Fic Manager Digging out from Fay
Registered:
Feb '04
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Date Posted:
5/5 11:33am
Subject:
Not Hers to Keep - Mother's Day Challenge Response - Shmi and Anakin
- Date Edited:
5/5 9:02pm (3 edits total)
Edited By:
VaderLVR64
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Title: Not Hers to Keep
Author: VaderLVR64
Characters: Shmi, Anakin, Qui-Gon
Notes: Written for the Mother’s Day Challenge
Not Hers to Keep
“It’s a boy!”
The midwife’s announcement was punctuated by the newborn’s outraged howls. Wearily, Shmi reached out for her son, the pain of bringing him into the galaxy already fading from her mind.
As he was placed in her arms, Shmi observed with amazement as the baby’s cries immediately began dwindling. Finally, he gazed up at her with wide eyes, as if surprised to see her there. “Hello,” she whispered, cupping his downy head in her hand. “I’m your mother.”
“He’s going to be a big man,” Marrja the midwife noted as she grasped one of his feet in her hands. “Look at these feet.”
The midwife’s apprentice giggled as she handed Shmi a blanket to wrap up the baby.
“Was his father tall?” the young girl asked.
Shmi looked at her, tried to remember the girl’s name and failed. Her name hardly mattered, the new mother thought dreamily. Her exhaustion was making her feel lightheaded and distance from everything except the baby in her arms. “I have no idea…,” she murmured.
She did not see Marrja and the girl exchange knowing glances.
Carefully, Shmi wrapped the baby in the blanket and then snuggled him to her. He turned toward her, already instinctively seeking nourishment. Quickly, and with more skill than she had hoped for, Shmi positioned him to feed. The urgent tug of his mouth surprised her. It was strangely soothing, filling her with an odd sense of euphoria.
Marrja leaned in close and whispered, “Don’t get too attached,” she advised. Marrja delivered all of the slaves’ babies. “It’ll just make it harder…”
She let that thought trail off as their eyes met.
Shmi knew what she was hinting at, but the warmth of the baby in her arms, the pull of his mouth, and her own exhaustion kept the ugly truth at bay. “All right,” she agreed dazedly. “All right,” she said again, hardly aware of speaking.
Marrja stared at her for a moment and then sighed, shaking her head. “He may not be yours to keep, Shmi,” she whispered.
The new mother did not hear her words. She heard only the soft sighs of the baby at her breast.
~~~~~~~~~
“Sold?” Shmi asked in horror.
“Lost,” the man corrected. “Your Master lost you in a bet.”
Instinctively, Shmi tucked Anakin behind her, not that it would do any good. For once, he did not ask why; he simply held onto her skirts and hid his face in the folds of fabric. Her voice low and shaking, Shmi asked, “What about…Anakin?”
Behind her, she felt her son stiffen in fear. Though he was only three years old, he was wise with experience. He knew what sometimes happened to children. Slaves were not in control of their own destiny. Their lives belong to someone else.
It was a harsh truth he had realized at a very young age.
“The boy?” the man asked, obviously in a hurry to move on to the next task appointed by his employer. “Oh…” He frowned. “He goes with you.” He shrugged, as if it made no difference to him.
And it doesn’t, she thought. He could care less. We’re just slaves. Pieces of property…
“Thank you,” she murmured out of habit and not from gratitude. “Thank you.”
The man barely acknowledged her words, already moving away. Shmi turned and gathered the trembling child into her arms.
“Shhhh,” she murmured, stroking her hands over his bright hair. “It’s all right,” she soothed. “You’re coming with me. No one is taking me away.”
Anakin’s arms wrapped around her neck, holding onto her with painful intensity. She did not attempt to loosen his hold. “You’re mine,” she whispered, more to herself than to him. “You’re my son.”
Even as she offered the words of comfort, she knew they had no real meaning in their world. But he was still hers for now…
Not to keep, but to cherish. She would settle for what she had, knowing that the future was uncertain. She kissed the little face she knew so well. “My Ani,” she whispered. “Such a big boy…my boy…”
~~~~~~~~~
Shmi Skywalker watched the Jedi talking so intently with her son. There was a quiet strength in the big man that drew her, a gentle nobility in him that comforted her. She felt strangely safe when he was around, though she had no reason to do so. As if he sensed her presence, he glanced up from Anakin.
Their eyes met, and in that moment, understanding flashed between them. He knew what she had long ago realized. Anakin was meant for bigger things. A special destiny awaited her son, and if she loved him, she would surrender to that certainty.
“It’s time to get cleaned up for the evening meal,” she told her son quietly.
Anakin opened his mouth to protest, but one look at the Jedi’s face changed the boy’s mind.
She smiled sadly at Qui-Gon Jinn after Anakin brushed past her to go reluctantly to go inside. He would not disobey now, no matter how much he wanted to remain and talk with Master Jinn, but she sensed her son give one last, longing glance over his shoulder.
To soften his disappointment, she called out, “I’m sure that you can talk and eat at the same time.”
She Anakin’s answering laugh and smiled, shaking her head. The Jedi grinned at the whoop of enthusiasm Anakin gave as he disappeared into the hovel. Shmi turned to follow him, but then turned once more and saw that the Jedi was staring at her.
“I’ve always known that he’s not mine to keep,” she murmured.
Qui-Gon’s eyes went wide and then he dipped his head as if embarrassed by whatever thought had flickered in those dark blue eyes. “You’re very perceptive,” he replied. “I can see where Anakin gets it.”
Shmi shook her head. “My son’s gifts are unique,” she said. “They were not mine to give him.”
“He is very special,” Jinn agreed.
“And his fate lies far beyond Tatooine,” Shmi whispered, wiping away the single tear that escaped her.
“You’re a complex woman, Shmi Skywalker.”
She smiled, sensing the compliment in the words. “And you are a very good man, Qui-Gon Jinn.”
With that, she turned and followed her son.
~~~~~~~
It hurt to breathe.
It hurt to move.
It hurt to think.
Shmi Skywalker stirred against her bonds, ignoring the pain that darted and danced along her body with the movement. She was so very tired. Her mind had begun to wander, and sometimes she found herself holding her newborn son, or laughing with him as they played a game together. She saw him walk away from her, following in the big Jedi’s steps.
She relived her courtship with Cliegg, felt again that first tentative kiss he had given her. Her memories were all she had to sustain her now. Vaguely, as if from a great distance, she heard an odd sound, a sound that did not belong in the Tusken camp, but she could not rouse herself to care.
Death was coming for her. There was no need to deny it any longer.
She was almost ready.
Almost.
A wild and desperate hope kept her bound to her failing flesh.
Anakin.
It had been ten long years since she had seen him, held him close, heard him call out for her. He had never been hers to keep, but she dared to hope that he would be hers to hold one last time. Such foolish hopes, she reminded herself. Hardly aware of the passage of time, she dozed and dreamed and remembered. Finally, she woke yet again.
Disoriented, she thought she was imaging the hands tugging at her bonds.
“Mom?” Another dream, she thought. She gave herself up to it…such a pleasant dream.
Then she sagged down into a tender embrace and looked up. A beloved face, strangely familiar and odd at the same time.
“Ani?” She swallowed hard. If this was delusion, then she wanted to die in this very moment while he was back with her. “Ani? Is it you?”
He murmured something and she struggled to make sense of it. Her pain was receding now, ebbing away from her swiftly, leaving behind only a warm euphoria. It was all right now; she was safe.
Nothing could hurt her anymore. Ani was with her.
“My son,” she whispered. “My grown-up son. I knew you’d come back to me.”
She looked into his eyes and saw his agony. “I’m so proud of you, Ani.” There was not much time left to tell him what she felt. Oh gods, it was going too quickly now! “…so proud. I’ve missed you so much.”
His throat worked convulsively. She wanted to tell him that it was all right, that she was ready to go. She had seen him and her work was done. “Now I am complete…”
He had made her complete the moment he had arrived in her life. Now she would pass out of this existence, sheltered in the warm protection of his arms. Anakin protested, as she knew he would. He doesn’t understand, she thought. He doesn’t know that it’s all right.
“I love…” Her strength failed her at last.
In that first moment after death, she could look down and see him cradling the poor body that had once been hers. He had never been hers to keep. This time, she was the one who must move on…
Sometimes beckoned and she turned toward it.
It was beautiful and warm and loving. She left behind the burdens and cares of the living. Anakin was there, but one day they would be reunited. She would wait. Time no longer had any meaning. There was only Anakin. Her son…
Hers to keep only in her heart.
-----signature-----
If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories.
They call me NANA Vader.
At least she doesn't lack confidence...
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earlybird-obi-wan
Registered:
Aug '06
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Date Posted:
5/5 12:06pm
Subject:
RE: Not Hers to Keep - Mother's Day Challenge Response - Shmi and Anakin
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 That end with Shmi dieing. So heartbreaking beautiful.
A very moving piece. Great work. 
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writer and Star Wars fan
FANART [link=http://boards.theforce.net/fan_art/b10020/25793899]fanart[/link]
stories in my bio
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Idrelle_Miocovani
Title: Solar Power loving Scattergories Hostess
Registered:
Feb '05
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Date Posted:
5/5 1:55pm
Subject:
RE: Not Hers to Keep - Mother's Day Challenge Response - Shmi and Anakin
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That was beautiful, Kim! Wonderful insights on Shmi and her relationship with her son at various points throughout her life. 
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It takes an awfully long time to not write a book. "We're actors! We're the opposite of people!" Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead This Time Around (time travel, RotS AU): http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/27062943/p1/?2 Padawan of DarthIshtar
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Alexis_Wingstar
Registered:
Sep '06
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Date Posted:
5/5 4:28pm
Subject:
RE: Not Hers to Keep - Mother's Day Challenge Response - Shmi and Anakin
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That was beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes and warmth to my heart. Well done
-----signature-----
"Change. It can be good. It can be bad. It can be expected or come as a thief in the night. Invited or not, it always comes."
~Koria
"Tender Shadows", co-written w/ The Musical Jedi
Padawan to DarthIshtar
Failed member of CA (Challengeholics Anonymous)
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divapilot
Registered:
Nov '05
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Date Posted:
5/5 5:36pm
Subject:
RE: Not Hers to Keep - Mother's Day Challenge Response - Shmi and Anakin
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Beautiful.
I liked seeing this through Shmi's eyes, especially the ending:
He had made her complete the moment he had arrived in her life. Now she would pass out of this existence, sheltered in the warm protection of his arms. Anakin protested, as she knew he would. He doesn’t understand, she thought. He doesn’t know that it’s all right.
As a mother myself, I know that no matter how much we love our children, they aren't ours to keep -- someday they will leave us and move on, and that's all right. The fact that we got to hold them for a little while makes life whole. Beautifully written!
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Never tell me the odds. AKL
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ratna
Registered:
Mar '07
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Date Posted:
5/5 8:31pm
Subject:
RE: Not Hers to Keep - Mother's Day Challenge Response - Shmi and Anakin
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If I'm crying, it's my own fault!
This had "read at your own risk' written all over it.
And of course delivers 1000%
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Faster than the speed of light is the speed of darkness. Faster than the speed of darkness is the speed of thought.
Fic linx in my bio
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KELIA
Title: Host: 20 Ques
Bet Your Knowledge
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Registered:
Jul '05
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Date Posted:
5/6 3:35am
Subject:
RE: Not Hers to Keep - Mother's Day Challenge Response - Shmi and Anakin
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That was so bittersweet.
I'm not surprised Shmi knew Anakin wasn't hers to keep for very long and I love that she made the most of their time together.
I just wish they could have had a lifetime together
Great response to the challenge
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Jedimaster_JainaSolo
Registered:
Jun '03
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Date Posted:
5/6 8:16am
Subject:
RE: Not Hers to Keep - Mother's Day Challenge Response - Shmi and Anakin
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WOW amazing!
That was so very powerful. Very nicely done from Shmi's POV. wow.
 Dana
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Excited padawan of NYCitygurl Behind the Durasteel Mask: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28439445 "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young..." 1 Timothy 4:12
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pronker
Registered:
Jan '07
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Date Posted:
5/6 8:42am
Subject:
RE: Not Hers to Keep - Mother's Day Challenge Response - Shmi and Anakin
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A beautiful response to the challenge. I liked the sense of Shmi looking over her life in her delirium and realizing that her end was not such a bad thing. It made Anakin's reappearance almost unnecessary. It was a blessing for her, though.
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Irish_Jedi_Jade
Registered:
Jul '07
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Date Posted:
5/6 1:55pm
Subject:
RE: Not Hers to Keep - Mother's Day Challenge Response - Shmi and Anakin
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MamaV!!!! I'm crying in the cafeteria!!!!! That was soo beautiful...heartbreaking even! I so admire Shmi for understanding and being willing to let go so Anakin could become what he had to be....wow. You communicated every little nuance so amazingly....
Amazing!!!!!
 Irish
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Biology homework has me down...the only prescription is plot bunnies and more cowbell!!!
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Takianna
Registered:
Apr '05
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Date Posted:
5/7 1:07pm
Subject:
RE: Not Hers to Keep - Mother's Day Challenge Response - Shmi and Anakin
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Wonderful depiction! Great job!
-----signature-----
"From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again…I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you—I can't breathe."
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amidalachick
Registered:
Aug '03
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Date Posted:
5/10 6:03pm
Subject:
RE: Not Hers to Keep - Mother's Day Challenge Response - Shmi and Anakin
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He murmured something and she struggled to make sense of it. Her pain was receding now, ebbing away from her swiftly, leaving behind only a warm euphoria. It was all right now; she was safe.
Nothing could hurt her anymore. Ani was with her.
What a poignant, yet beautiful glimpse into Shmi's life. Fantastic work, as always!
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"Give me a pom! Give me another pom! What's that spell? Pom poms!"
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DaenaBenjen42
Registered:
May '05
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Date Posted:
5/10 11:02pm
Subject:
RE: Not Hers to Keep - Mother's Day Challenge Response - Shmi and Anakin
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Wow... Loved this. Shmi's story just breaks my heart, and this... illustrates her beautifully.
Well done.
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"Say it with me now. Postcard. Zoo. Not. Shopping."
master to jackyyy17, micky-nikki & Trimaj
e-sis: BrightFeather & BrentusofGath
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DarthBerryStraw
Registered:
Mar '07
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Date Posted:
5/11 2:07pm
Subject:
RE: Not Hers to Keep - Mother's Day Challenge Response - Shmi and Anakin
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Ending with Shmi's death was so heartbreaking, but very fitting! Shmi's life was very hard. 
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“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!” - ... Tara
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