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Author	Topic: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU) - author replies 9/2/08
Gabri_Jade Title: Fan Fiction Archive Editor Emeritus Registered: Nov '02	Date Posted: 7/30 12:21am Subject: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU) - author replies 9/2/08 - Date Edited: 9/2 3:21am (2 edits total) Edited By: Gabri_Jade
	Title: The Space Between Heartbeats Author: Gabri_Jade Timeframe: New Republic; post-Union, pre-NJO Characters: Luke Skywalker, Mara Jade Genre: AU, vignette, romance, angst Summary: Sometimes happily ever after isn't. Notes: Yet another Bob Dylan-inspired vignette. So, um, blame Bob. Thanks to CarrKicksDoor for suggesting the story's locale, and to LadyPadme for her always insightful beta work. And of course, Star Wars doesn't belong to me, nor do the characters. Just playing on the edges of the sandbox. It's all so clear, I could never forget; loving you is the one thing I'll never regret. - Sara, by Bob Dylan ~~~~ The day was drawing to a close, the setting sun casting long gold rays across the faintly reddish water. The irony wasn't lost on Luke Skywalker as he sat on the shallow dunes along the shore of Berchest's Leefari Sea, his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. Waiting. There had been a time, not so long ago, when such waiting would have been tinged with a delightful anticipation. He missed those times now, with an ache that went to his core. He dug his toes slightly deeper into the still-warm sand, concentrating on keeping the ache from growing to an intensity capable of swallowing him whole. A soft sound from behind distracted him, and he turned his senses outward again in time to recognize the familiar presence just as his wife stepped to his side, sinking to the sand beside him. "Hi," she said. "Sorry I'm late." Luke turned his head. She was looking straight ahead of her, toward the setting sun that was nearly below the horizon. A long ray of light skimmed across the sea's surface and settled upon her, gilding her pale skin in gold and making her red hair shine vibrantly. Her beauty took his breath away; the wariness evident in her sense and guarded stance nearly closed his throat with pain. "It's all right," he said, turning his own gaze forward again. The last edge of the sun's disk slipped out of sight, leaving them in the faint dimness of twilight. This stretch of beach was deserted save for themselves; most visitors preferred to remain in the nearby crystalline city of Calius Saj Leeloo. Luke had been there himself and could vouch for its splendor, but tonight was going to be hard enough as it was. Neither of them needed the added pressures of the city's crowds. "How long has it been this time?" Mara asked quietly. "Seven months," Luke answered just as quietly. Mara pulled her own knees up to her chest and rubbed her face wearily with one hand. "I'm trying, Luke. I am." Luke looked down at the stretch of land between them and the sea. The moon was rising. The white sand sparkled and glittered in its reflected light; beyond it, the sea was a vast, dark mass. The waves slapped loudly at the sandy rocks at the shoreline, spraying foamy droplets high into the salt-laden air. Berchest's notoriously strong tides continued their eternal dance, heedless of the emotional turmoil meters away. Just as Tatooine's sandstorms had continued, unabated by his family's death. The last time he'd visited his old homestead, it was nearly unrecognizable, its courtyard almost buried in the harsh sands. Nature always overcame the intrusions of sentients that way; all the struggles and ambition and love in the galaxy couldn't stop the winds or oceans, or keep the suns from rising and setting. No matter how hard anyone tried, their lives and their accomplishments and their anguish barely registered on the galaxy's sensors, forgotten in the space between heartbeats. He hated that. "I know," he said. "I'm trying, too." Mara sighed, the sound hardly audible over the tide. "Look, I have to rejoin the Dawn Beat* tomorrow afternoon, but I can get away for a couple of weeks next month. I know it's not enough, but -" Luke interrupted her. "I have new trainees arriving at the academy the first week of next month, and I'm slated for diplomatic missions for the rest of it." "Oh," Mara said. Even through their diminished bond, her disappointment was easily discernible, but so was her lack of surprise. Luke looked at the sky, which had darkened from dusky rose to deep violet without his noticing. The stars were slowly beginning to appear, their faint light having little effect against the surrounding darkness. Mara stirred beside him, idly picking up a piece of kelp and running it between her fingers. The resulting squeaks sounded harsh and loud in the silence; she winced and tossed it away. "I used to wonder," Luke said softly, "how Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru stood it. Every day was the same, I thought. The same farm, the same work, the same home. Every day coming home to the same person. They were so content with that, and I couldn't understand it. All I wanted was something new - new experiences, new sights, new people." He gazed toward the ocean, the individual waves now visible only by their whitecaps, the spray glittering occasionally in the moonlight. Mara sat silently beside him, her head bowed. "Now here I am, how many years later?" He dragged a hand through the sand, gazing listlessly at the shallow trenches his fingers left. They would be filled in by the tide tomorrow, and no one would ever know that he'd been there, or left any mark at all. "And the only thing I want is the sameness they had. I want a place of our own. I want to fall asleep beside you at night and wake up beside you in the morning. I want to see you every day, to know that you'll be there when I come home, or that I'll be there when you come home." "Some day -" Mara began, her voice sounding choked. He interrupted her again. "It's been three years, Mara," he said. "Three years, and in all that time, we've never spent more consecutive time together than we did on our honeymoon. Cumulatively, we've had what, maybe four months together? And it's not showing any signs of letting up." Mara buried her face briefly against her knees, then glanced up at the darkened sea before them, still not meeting his eyes. "If Pellaeon hadn't died so soon after the peace treaty had been signed, Karrde might not have needed to put this much effort into his intelligence gathering business." She sniffed and pushed her hair behind an ear, straightening defiantly. "Without us, would the treaty stand? You know how much each government trusts the other, Leia notwithstanding. There have been so many conflicts already in our lifetime. The galaxy can't handle more." "I'm not blaming you," Luke said. "It's the same on my end." He looked over at her just as a stray breeze caught her hair. It whipped briefly behind her, gleaming faintly red in the moonlight, and a wave of longing swept over him, nearly smothering in its intensity. He resolutely faced forward again. "If I'd realized just how much of my life would be given to rebuilding the Jedi, I never would have begun my training in the first place, let alone started teaching others." "Yes, you would have." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mara turn toward him for the first time since she'd arrived. "You wouldn't have been able to live with yourself otherwise. Giving is what you do." "And yet," he murmured, "I've failed where that giving is the most important: in my own marriage." "I love you," Mara whispered, more than a hint of desperation in her voice. "I love you, too. I always will." He picked up a handful of smooth sand and watched it run through his fingers. "Mara -" "Don't say it," she hissed, suddenly fierce. "Don't you dare." "It's not working, Mara. You know it as well as I do." Mara snatched a small stone from the sand and hurled it into the sea with all her strength; Luke heard its splash even over the waves. She stood in one swift, smooth motion and strode several steps away, then turned abruptly and paced a step back, her near frantic defiance like that of a caged animal. "So that's it, then? Things don't work out as perfectly as we'd hoped, and you want to throw our marriage away?" Luke looked up at her, her silhouette soft-edged in the night. His beautiful Mara, so fierce and strong, yet capable of such tenderness. He loved even her anger, so vibrant and determined and alive. He'd been blessed beyond imagining when she came into his life. He held a hand out to her. She lifted her chin and crossed her arms stubbornly, but he could feel her pain echoing his own, and he didn't move. After a moment, she slowly unfolded her arms and reached her own hand out to his. Her fingertips barely brushed his own, but it was enough, and he drew her back down. Their eyes met for the first time as she sank down, and Luke ached for the misery he saw behind that intense green. "I would never throw our marriage away," he whispered. "But I would end it if that was the best thing for both of us." "It's not," Mara said, her eyes glistening suspiciously. "I'd rather have some of your time than none of it." Luke shook his head. "A marriage like we've had isn't healthy, Mara. Maybe some people could make it work, but we can't. We're all or nothing, you and I. We always have been." He lifted a hand to trace the line of her cheek, then ran his fingers through her gossamer hair. "These half measures are killing us, piece by tiny piece. I can't keep ripping my heart out every time we part, and I can't keep inflicting that pain on you, either." Mara closed her eyes and breathed. He could feel her fighting for control, and he cupped her cheek, wiping away the tear that slipped past her lashes. She turned her face into his hand, lifting her own to hold his in place, then lifted her eyes to meet his again. "Why did you come after me on Nirauan?" she whispered. "I wouldn't have fallen in love with Faughn. Better that we never started down this road at all." "No," he said softly. "Never regret what we had, Mara. I don't." "Not even now," she said, her voice quiet and inscrutable. "Not even now," Luke confirmed. "The best part of my life has been our time together." A corner of Mara's mouth lifted ever so slightly. "Mine, too." She sighed and rubbed her face again. "All four months of it. Even if we did screw it up." "I wish I could start over and do things differently," Luke said, lacing his fingers through hers. "I wish I'd turned down all those missions at the beginning. I wish I'd handed over more of the academy's management earlier. I wish - I don't even know, Mara. Maybe the timing was wrong. Maybe it was never meant to be at all." He sighed. "Or maybe we did just screw it up." Mara held his gaze for a moment, then crept closer and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her face to his shoulder. Luke put his own arms around her and held her close. "I'm so sorry," he murmured. She shook her head against him, her arms tightening around him. "Don't talk any more," she said. "Please. Just hold me." And he did, closing his eyes against the night. -----signature----- Evil Twin of LadyPadme This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us! - Futurama All I can do is be me. Whoever that is. -Bob Dylan The Space Between Heartbeats - L/M AU vig http://boards.theforce.net/b/b1/28870280 !!11!1eleventy
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BigFatty Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 7/30 3:20am Subject: RE: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU)
	I certainly wasn't expecting the angst when I clicked on the link, but nevertheless it was still very well written--not that I expect anything else from you. I'm so glad this is AU and not canon. And, also happy to learn that there's another song with my name as the title, spelled correctly no less. Well done. -----signature----- 1 Peter 3:15 Proud Master of Telanna'Tani, jaina_clan_solo & ccp My Fics: http://fattysfics.livejournal.com My BSG Blog: http://battlestargalactica.contentquake.com
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TKeira_Lea Registered: Oct '02	Date Posted: 7/30 3:25am Subject: RE: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU)
	Love the title, first off You made that very real. I could see that possibility from those two, loving so much it hurts too bad each time they separate. Nature always overcame the intrusions of sentients that way; all the struggles and ambition and love in the galaxy couldn't stop the winds or oceans, or keep the suns from rising and setting. No matter how hard anyone tried, their lives and their accomplishments and their anguish barely registered on the galaxy's sensors, forgotten in the space between heartbeats. That was just a great paragraph. Well done all around -----signature----- http://www.lominalecantina.com character often lies in contradiction ~ jfostrander01 Wingman - a post LotF fic http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28548970/p1/?219
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VaderLVR64 Title: Fan Fic Manager in Combat Boots Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 7/30 4:06am Subject: RE: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU)
	Absolutely stunning. "I used to wonder," Luke said softly, "how Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru stood it. Every day was the same, I thought. The same farm, the same work, the same home. Every day coming home to the same person. They were so content with that, and I couldn't understand it. All I wanted was something new - new experiences, new sights, new people." He gazed toward the ocean, the individual waves now visible only by their whitecaps, the spray glittering occasionally in the moonlight. Mara sat silently beside him, her head bowed. "Now here I am, how many years later?" He dragged a hand through the sand, gazing listlessly at the shallow trenches his fingers left. They would be filled in by the tide tomorrow, and no one would ever know that he'd been there, or left any mark at all. "And the only thing I want is the sameness they had. I want a place of our own. I want to fall asleep beside you at night and wake up beside you in the morning. I want to see you every day, to know that you'll be there when I come home, or that I'll be there when you come home." Gorgeous. -----signature----- If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories. Proud New Army Mom - off to bootcamp!
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Myriad_Daydreams Registered: Jun '07	Date Posted: 7/30 6:06am Subject: RE: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU) - Date Edited: 7/30 6:08am (1 edits total) Edited By: Myriad_Daydreams
	I love angst. I really, really do. But this vig completely tore my heart out into little tiny pieces The emotion you have here is so hesitant, barely beneath the surface, like treading on eggshells. This really is an accurate portrayal- at this point in their lives, it was hecting and disjointed. It really makes you wonder how they actually did it, and wether what you wrote here is a more realistic ending. As usual, your L/M is so perfectly in character, each one of their lines or nuances seems to slide perfectly into who they are. You did an amazing job with this, not too angsty, not too desperate or romantic. Just bittersweet, as it should be. "And yet," he murmured, "I've failed where that giving is the most important: in my own marriage." That line really did it for me. Excellent job -----signature----- And if the answer is no / Can I change your mind? Bring on the drabbles: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/29099025/p1/?12
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Jade_eyes Registered: Aug '04	Date Posted: 7/30 6:39am Subject: RE: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU) - Date Edited: 8/1 4:18am (1 edits total) Edited By: Jade_eyes
	Oh, Gabri_Jade.... you made me speechless again!!!! So real and totally plausible... the mush fiend in me wants a happy ending but it wouldn't fit here--they're not the type to cash it in without a fight--but there's not enough fire emotionally--their needing, wanting, hoping has gone. Wow!!!! Huggles!!!! !!! -----signature----- Luke/Mara--without end forever ginchy, Irish =I Squggles before I read a word
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ViariSkywalker Registered: Aug '02	Date Posted: 7/30 9:52am Subject: RE: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU) - Date Edited: 8/8 9:04am (1 edits total) Edited By: ViariSkywalker
	Finally made it back in here! While I absolutely LOVE that you wrote something angsty, (because you're so good at it,) that's not the reason I adore this vig. I loved the quietness of the whole scene. I loved the palpable tension and regret and desperation between Luke and Mara. The whole thing made my heart ache, because it was so logical, so possible. No matter how in love two people are, no matter how strong their bond is, there is always that possibility that the union will fail. I think you showed that beautifully. I also really love that little AU twist that sent them off in this direction. It seems to almost always be the simple things that have the most impact on our lives, and this is no exception. Luke looked at the sky, which had darkened from dusky rose to deep violet without his noticing. The stars were slowly beginning to appear, their faint light having little effect against the surrounding darkness. Mara stirred beside him, idly picking up a piece of kelp and running it between her fingers. The resulting squeaks sounded harsh and loud in the silence; she winced and tossed it away. I love all the sensory details in this paragraph, (and throughout the story,) but I was particularly struck by the squeaks from the kelp and Mara's reaction. Not sure if this is a bad thing, but I found it kind of funny, in a melancholy sort of way. You continue to surprise and amaze me with these little vigs. Brilliant job, woman! -----signature----- Big Sis of Lady_Rae Veil of Shadows (OT AU, L/M) - http://boards.theforce.net/b/b1/28500417 The Dark Fire Chronicles (OT AU) - http://boards.theforce.net/b/b1/11960028 ANGST!
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Bri_Windstar Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 7/30 7:24pm Subject: RE: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU)
	Bah! A story I didn't get a sneak peek of! saves a space for what will be the first story reply in... months -----signature----- Mediocrity- it takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference before it's too late. * OMG! SO RIDICULOUSLY AND AGGRAVATINGLY PERFECT!- Gabri * 11010110101000101011
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Goddess-Jaina-Redick Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 7/30 7:44pm Subject: RE: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU)
	Beautiful. Not quite what I was expecting (hoping for really, I want L/M mush! pouts ), but it was definitely an amazing read. You really captured Luke and Mara perfectly in this. -----signature----- I <3 Duke.
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KELIA Title: Moderator: Fan Fiction Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 7/31 3:24am Subject: RE: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU)
	What a heartbreaking end for a couple perfect for each other. I understand Luke's point, though. You can't have a real marriage when you're not together. Great job on this -----signature----- "Do or do not, there is no try." Master Yoda A Light In The Darkness: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28150602/p1/?8 Undue Circumstances: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28530583/p1/?10
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furrylittlebantha Registered: Dec '05	Date Posted: 7/31 4:45am Subject: RE: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU)
	"Hi," she said. "Sorry I'm late." Even with the beautiful imagery, you've been weaving a note of discord into the preceding paragraphs. So when she says this, my instant reaction is of wariness, and sadness. This stretch of beach was deserted save for themselves; most visitors preferred to remain in the nearby crystalline city of Calius Saj Leeloo. Arrgh, details. Now I want them to go visit the crystal city. Sorry, I'm easily put off track. The moon was rising. The white sand sparkled and glittered in its reflected light; beyond it, the sea was a vast, dark mass. The waves slapped loudly at the sandy rocks at the shoreline, spraying foamy droplets high into the salt-laden air. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I love the beach, and I love it the most in the night and early morning. This description makes me unhappy that I'm land locked in Missouri. Cool title, btw. It caught my eye and I couldn't wait to see how you'd work it in. "If Pellaeon hadn't died so soon after the peace treaty had been signed, Karrde might not have needed to put this much effort into his intelligence gathering business." Oh. Got it. Nice twist. I love it when people change a detail or the fate of a minor character and the galaxy spins out of control. And he did, closing his eyes against the night. Nice last line, but oh, woman. I'm mad. They're over! And it makes sense! It's not often you read a L/M fic where they break up for reasons unrelated to the Dark Side or similar melodrama. The more mundane flavor of agony here is harder, unhappier, in the simple fact that it tastes like real life. Grr. But I loved it. -----signature----- Master of tjace and bi0nic. Old Hutt proverb: Never look a gift Sarlaac in the mouth. All hail the Lazer Jar-Jar!
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Jedi-2B Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 7/31 6:34am Subject: RE: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU)
	I've learned to be wary when I see 'angst' in the tagline for one of your stories. And justifiably so, since you do angst better than anyone I know. This was heartbreakingly superb writing, dear. And I'm so, so glad it was AU. I hate the thought of them not being able to work thru their long separations. Thank goodness Pelleon hung on until he was old! -----signature----- It was on her fifteenth day in the darkness of the Nirauan cave when Mara Jade awoke to discover a rescuer had finally arrived. It was not, however, any of the potential rescuers she would have expected. It was Luke. ~~And the rest is history~~
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jaded_jewel Registered: Jun '08	Date Posted: 7/31 6:12pm Subject: RE: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU)
	OMG! That was so wonderfully beautiful and horrible at the same time. I was on the edge of my seat repeating she is going to make this a happy ending over and over. LOL. You captured their love for one another perfectly. AKA-beautiful. Then the stupid stinkin galaxy gets in their way. This was brilliant and unique. I loved it. Luke and Mara were very much in character. Once again very well written. -----signature----- ~I may grow up, but I refuse to stop being a kid.~ ~King Edmund actually. Just king though, Peter's the High King. I know its confusing. (Prince Caspian)~ ~So you're bravely refusing to fight a swordsman half your age?(Edmund in Prince Caspian)~
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Irish_Jedi_Jade Registered: Jul '07	Date Posted: 7/31 7:47pm Subject: RE: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU)
	Ok. So, I was happy. Deliriously happy, in fact. I'm about to go on a whirlwind, 18 hour, 100 mile trip to celebrate a friend's birthday. No more. Gabri...wow. Just wow. I'm always stunned and awed by how amazingly you write. The raw emotion and the understated beauty that hovers just below the skin...I'm amazed. That was such a beautiful piece...and so horribly believable. I have to forget that I read that for a minute so my mind doesn't drift to all the terrible places the wonderfulness of L/M could have gone...but its tooooo beautiful to forget. I love it! I love YOU girl! Awesome as always, you're so talented! Huggles, Irish -----signature----- Biology homework has me down...the only prescription is plot bunnies and more cowbell!!! Let the dancing begin!!!!!!!
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madman007 Registered: Aug '07	Date Posted: 7/31 9:58pm Subject: RE: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU) - Date Edited: 7/31 10:07pm (1 edits total) Edited By: madman007
	What an alternate perspective on the troubles of Luke and Mara's marriage. Nice role reversal with Luke being pessimistic about it and Mara being the practical one. "Don't talk any more," she said. "Please. Just hold me." I used to wonder," Luke said softly, "how Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru stood it. Every day was the same, I thought. The same farm, the same work, the same home. Every day coming home to the same person. They were so content with that, and I couldn't understand it. All I wanted was something new - new experiences, new sights, new people." I never thought about this kind of view of Owen and Beru. Some people are content with sameness everyday. Luke being a Skywalker isn't one of these. Whose to say that even if he and Mara did have more than four months together that Luke or Mara would want to be active again. And wouldn't they have their Force bond during the times they were apart? That is something not every couple has the advantage of. Mara was right, it's better to love for four months than to never love at all. Then again, I'm single...never married...and a hopeless romantic. What do I know? Once again, Gabri, you've outdone yourself. -----signature----- Now starting my new epic Traits Of Descent - A mysterious vigillante is murdering former Black Sun members http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=28968173&brd=10476&start=29053268 "They'll probably miss you and hit me." Paul Newman 1925 - 2008
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LittleCat Registered: May '08	Date Posted: 8/1 4:17pm Subject: RE: The Space Between Heartbeats (L/M vig, AU)
	I'm usually more of a H/L fan, but I've heard wonders about your writing I was definitely not disappointed here. I absolutely love the way you wrote this it had a deep sorrow about it that rings true in today's society where people are having to work more and more just to break even, and family has to take a back seat to duty. Now-a-days it's a cruel irony that in order to support the family you love you almost have to remove yourself from it. The setting on a beach at sunset was a great metaphor for their relationship in so many ways. Simply beautiful Gabri!!
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