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Topic:
Defiance/Premonitions/Echoes--Part Threeof A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
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celine
Registered:
Sep '07
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Date Posted:
2/13 8:56am
Subject:
Defiance/Premonitions/Echoes--Part Threeof A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
- Date Edited:
2/26 5:04pm (2 edits total)
Edited By:
celine
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A fic exploring the complexities of the relationship between Qui and Yoda, especially the tension portrayed between the two in Phantom Menace.
Legacy of a Jedi Master
Part 1: DEFIANCE
The temple gardens were peaceful, tranquil, filled with life and renewal, eons away from what Qui-Gon Jinn felt. He was haunted, it seemed. Haunted by the choices he’d made, haunted by betrayal – and he found himself alone, berating himself for his mistakes. He stood quietly watching the greenery, the only bit of natural beauty in all Coruscant, a planet far too machinated for Qui-Gon’s taste.
“Troubled you are,” the familiar voice grated behind Qui-Gon. The tall Jedi did not have to turn around to know who it was.
“I find that I frequently am, Master Yoda,” he replied cordially.
“Hmmmm,” the tiny Jedi moved to stand beside him, barely reaching his former student’s knees. “Why feel you this way?”
Qui-Gon closed his blue eyes, so aged for such a young and handsome face. His lips drew together in a firm line; the breeze tousled his long brown hair, but he did not answer.
“Ignore me, you should not,” Yoda warned gently, with a poke at Qui-Gon’s boot. “Strange you are, Qui-Gon. Alienate yourself from others you do, and then mourn because you are alone.”
“It somehow doesn’t seem that way to me,” Qui-Gon replied softly.
Yoda laughed, but his heavy-lidded green eyes held no sign of amusement. “Make your path more difficult than it needs to be, you do.”
“If you’re insinuating that I create my own problems – I do what I must Yoda, no more.”
Yoda snorted, “Must you try to save every creature you meet? Their guardian are you? Big you are Qui-Gon, but not big enough to be responsible for all.”
Qui-Gon’s eyes looked out into the artificial horizon. “Shouldn’t a Jedi help those he can?”
“Should not a Jedi help himself as well?” Yoda countered quickly. “Defiant you are. Defiant you always have been.” He tugged harshly on Qui-Gon’s brown trouser leg. “Like talking to your knees I do not.”
Qui-Gon reluctantly turned and knelt down to the ancient master’s stunted height. “I do not wish to discuss this with you,” he replied confidently.
Yoda met his gaze, “Rebel even now you do.”
Qui-Gon drew a calming breath. “I defy the council only when I must.”
“No!” Yoda banged his gimer stick against the ground. “Defy when it suits you! When the decision to make is difficult!”
“Sometimes the council is wrong,” Qui-Gon countered angrily.
“Have all the answers you do? So knowledgeable are you! Is that why to the darkside your student has turned? Because so right were you.”
Qui-Gon’s composure momentarily broke, and a flash of defiant pain lit his eyes. “If I didn’t know better, I would assume that bringing up Xanatos was meant to hurt me.”
“Assume you always do. Assume the code applies not to you.”
“The code should not be set in stone,” Qui-Gon stood to his full height and turned his back to the diminutive master.
“Only your heart, hmmmm?”
In all his life, it seemed that no one could wound him with quite the same ease as Yoda.
“Why don’t you like me, Master?” Qui-Gon said lowly. The composure of his tone belied the anguish in the blue eyes. Behind him, he heard Yoda make a disapproving snort.
“Too old for this you are, Qui-Gon. Not some child searching for reassurance.”
Qui-Gon closed his eyes and swallowed down the old pain. Yoda was correct, he must not make this argument about old wounds.
“Hate you I do not, Qui-Gon,” Yoda added after a moment. The tall man turned around to face his former teacher.
“Bitter you have become,” Yoda observed.
“Not bitter. Frustrated with the unbending rules of the council. Frustrated with everyone’s inability to understand another’s point of view.” Qui-Gon folded his arms.
“The council sees your point of view, but uphold our vows we must. One day great upheaval for us all will your defiance cause. Unfortunate that you waste your talent.”
Qui-Gon’s jaw tightened. “My talent is not wasted in helping the less fortunate.”
“More could we accomplish as a whole…loneliness makes you talk this way, hmmm?” Yoda’s long ears twitched. “One so close to the living force; yet so few friends have you.”
Qui-Gon bit his lip and wondered why Yoda wanted to hurt him this way. It seemed that they had been at odds for as long as he could remember. The little master pointed his clawed finger at the tall man. “Allow someone to love you. Closed off your heart you have. Keep your distance you do. Afraid to be hurt again, I think?”
Qui-Gon’s blue gaze met Yoda’s levelly. “I already have been.”
Yoda snorted. “Call this hurt you do? Truth this is – not hurt. Xanatos robbed you, I think. Open your heart, or repeat the same mistakes you will.”
“With who? I’m not taking another padawan.” Qui-Gon turned away again, his brown robe flowing behind him as he moved.
“Take another you will in time, Qui-Gon Jinn. Him I have seen.” Yoda’s reedy voice called behind him.
“No,” Qui-Gon muttered. He shook his head, knowing that he could never allow another to get so close as Xanatos, his little dark-haired apprentice had been. The pain would kill him. It nearly had. He was thankful that Yoda could not see the tears that gathered in his eyes, as he strode away from his wizened antagonist, into the depths of the garden. Treading gently on the rich, dark soil instead of striding along the neat cobblestone path that cut through its heart.
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Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid. The Journal of Loch Thrindarr http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=27948751&brd=10476&replies=3
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SUGARBANTJINN
Registered:
Apr '07
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Date Posted:
2/13 10:37am
Subject:
RE: Defiance--Part One of A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
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wow....that's all i can think to say is just 'wow'!
That was very deep and thought-provoking!
I look forward to reading more!
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 Bant and Jonny. Forever one. Two hearts entwined God's Will will not take us to a place where His Grace will not carry us. Padawan Sunkisser 288days O my, my this here Anakin guy Maybe Vader someday later, Now he's just a small fry!
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JediKaren
Registered:
Apr '07
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Date Posted:
2/13 11:39am
Subject:
RE: Defiance--Part One of A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
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lol sounds like me being my rebellious self. I think I understand both sides, but I must admit I probably feel and understand this qui gon more than Yoda (shocking!!!) Anyway it's good. Please keep writing!
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celine
Registered:
Sep '07
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Date Posted:
2/13 11:53am
Subject:
RE: Defiance--Part One of A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
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Thanks SUGARBANT for the lovely comment!:)
And JediKaren...Yes I think in this fic, Yoda is logic, whereas Qui-Gon is heart.
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Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid. The Journal of Loch Thrindarr http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=27948751&brd=10476&replies=3
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Meredith_Kenobi
Registered:
Jul '05
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Date Posted:
2/13 8:11pm
Subject:
RE: Defiance--Part One of A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
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You write Yoda really well! You didn't seem to stumble over his backwards speak at all. His words all flowed really well, and sounded perfectly natural.
Great work, I look forward to reading more! PM list, please. 
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Proud to be ZaraValinor's Padawan  Delighted to be brodiew's Master 
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KELIA
Title: Fan Fiction Moderator
Registered:
Jul '05
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Date Posted:
2/15 3:37am
Subject:
RE: Defiance--Part One of A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
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That was very well written and you captured both Qui-Gon and Yoda's characters perfectly.
I wish Qui would be more open to listen and consider Yoda's words instead of quickly brushing them aside.
Never too old to learn we are.
Please PM me when you update
Looking forward to more
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celine
Registered:
Sep '07
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Date Posted:
2/16 8:30pm
Subject:
RE: Defiance--Part One of A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
- Date Edited:
2/16 8:32pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
celine
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Thanks for the feedback guys. Yoda is fun to write, precisely because of the backward speech.
Qui-Gon doesn't want to hear words that hurt him, I think. Stubborn he is. Familiar that sounds!
I'll post the next vignette soon.
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Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid. The Journal of Loch Thrindarr http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=27948751&brd=10476&replies=3
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Cole_Kenobi
Registered:
Aug '05
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Date Posted:
2/17 2:31pm
Subject:
RE: Defiance--Part One of A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
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Wow. This was brillant. I love how you wrote Qui-gon with his insecurities. I've read a lot of stories where Qui-gon is still dealing with Xanatos betrayal but with Obi-wan, but I've never read a story were the betrayal was still so fresh. So it was neat to see this. I love how Yoda has such wise remarks, the truth hurts sometimes but sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.
Awesome job.
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celine
Registered:
Sep '07
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Date Posted:
2/19 8:35am
Subject:
RE: Defiance/Premonitions Part 2 of A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
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Part 2: Premonitions
Qui-Gon Jinn sat quietly on the temple garden’s ornate stone bench, sipping his cup of green tea. The sound of traffic occasionally screeched by overhead, but the jedi master was able to ignore it and retreat into the sanctity of his solitude. Alone. That seemed to be where Qui-Gon found himself more and more. Alone.
I’ve failed. The thought sprang unbidden into his mind to run its usual course of guilt and self-recrimination. I’ve failed. He shook his head and leaned his head into his hands, willing himself to clear his mind.
Xanatos.
Qui-Gon pushed the name away with a concentrated effort.
“To dwell on him only lends power to him.” Yoda’s distinctive voice cut through Qui-Gon’s reverie, and he looked up with some surprise at not having sensed the master’s presence.
The big man shook his head. “Must I shield my mind from you at all times?”
Yoda snorted. “Need the Force to read your mind, I do not. Etched on your face your pain is, Qui-Gon.”
Qui-Gon crossed his arms and his expression grew wary and he looked at the wizened little Jedi.
Yoda smiled humorlessly, and used his cane to advance closer. “Such an unwelcome adversary am I?”
Qui-Gon let out a long breath. “No, Master.”
“Think you that I came here to hurt you?” Yoda asked, climbing stiffly onto the bench beside his former student. Qui-Gon reached out a hand to help him, and the little Jedi smacked it away defensively. “Need you help, I do not.”
Qui-Gon turned his head away, blue eyes gazing soulfully into the distance.
“Warned you of him, I did.”
The big Jedi stiffened, but remained silent.
“Sorry for you I am, Qui-Gon,” Yoda said softly. He paused, ears twitching thoughtfully before proceeding. “When young you were, watched you I did. Everything, you loved. Every tree, every animal, every sentient, all important to you were they. Never did you see the whole tapestry. Only the threads of its fabric.
Noble were you, Qui-Gon ... Thought I that I could teach you to use your mind, hmmm?” Yoda’s ears drooped, “But never did you learn."
Lead with your heart you do.” Yoda poked Qui-Gon’s chest with his clawed finger, “And wonder why it shatters.”
Qui-Gon locked gazes with his companion.
“And now closed it is. So big was this heart, and closed it you have.”
Qui-Gon gave a sad little half-smile. “I’m afraid you exaggerate, Yoda.”
Yoda’s eyes widened. “Exaggerate?” He snorted in dissention. “Then why sit you here broken? Saddened? Alone?”
“That is how you interpret it, I’m afraid,” Qui-Gon replied coolly.
The little Jedi master actually laughed. “Interpret? Feel you I can, Qui-Gon. Know you, I do.”
“No you don’t,” the big man replied firmly.
Yoda slammed his gimmer stick against the stone bench. “Enough! Because I do not agree with you does not mean I do not know you. Know you I do. That is why I try to help you. Hmm? But rebel Qui-Gon. Always rebel. Refuse me you do. Refuse advice, refuse to listen.”
Qui-Gon’s blue eyes flashed. “This is how you help me, Master? By rubbing salt in my wounds? It’s all you’ve ever done. My entire life, never sympathy, never love, only reprimands. I hurt over things, Yoda. Let me deal with them in my own way.” The big Jedi paused to collect himself, aware that once more his former master was able to illicit emotional responses from him with the ease with which he could levitate a lightsaber.
“Sympathy? Love? A Jedi’s life is not about these things. Listen. For once, listen. Let go of the pain, or control you it will,” Yoda relied, somewhat nettled.
Qui-Gon bit his lip, feeling his throat tighten. He couldn’t let go. It seemed that if he did, he would have to let go of Xanatos as well. He wasn’t ready for that. Not yet.
“The next shall save you,” Yoda added quietly, “save you if you let him.”
“I’m not taking another Padawan,” Qui-Gon began, but even as he said it, in his mind’s eyes he saw a flash of soft blue eyes that were not his own—within seconds they were gone.
“I tell you because shut him out, you must not, or lose him you will. So much loss.” Yoda leaned forward and slowly reached up to touch the face of his former student. He ran a clawed finger over Qui-Gon’s bearded jawline and watched as the big man’s eyes welled up with unshed tears. Yoda’s expressive ears drooped solemnly. “Need approval so much, Qui-Gon?” For once his voice was quiet, gentle. “So connected to the living force are you that you take on other’s emotions as your own. Why not rely on your own approval? Not mine. Not Dooku’s.”
Qui-Gon swallowed convulsively, suddenly looking more like a lost boy than himself.
“Hard it is to love someone so headstrong. So rebellious.”
There it was, the little wounding knife thrust to the heart that Qui-Gon had been expecting. He recoiled from the ancient master and stood up fluidly, his voice thick and husky. “It is equally hard to love someone who wounds me so, Yoda.
Respectfully, I don’t need your approval. I follow my own path,” he paused, choking on his words, “ no matter how difficult that path is.”
Yoda locked gazes with him, green eyes unreadable. “Mind what I have told you, Qui-Gon Jinn.”
Qui-Gon turned, attempting to harness his emotion. ‘No emotion, only peace,’ he told himself firmly. The pain eased back a little and he sensed Yoda retreating down the path as he stood silently, cloak whipping in the breeze.
‘Xani,’ the thought emerged again from the recesses of his mind. But suddenly those soft blue eyes, not Xani’s, resurfaced, driving Xanatos out of his consciousness.
“Master,” he heard the breeze whisper in a soft regal brogue that he’d never heard before.
Qui-Gon opened his eyes and scanned around him, attempting to understand the images he was receiving. The Force was trying to tell him something. He just didn’t know what or who it wanted him to see.
Qui-Gon grasped at the fleeting premonition and felt it slip through his mind like lyrics to a forgotten song. He saw nothing more, but the breeze followed him home.
-----signature-----
Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid. The Journal of Loch Thrindarr http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=27948751&brd=10476&replies=3
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dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
2/19 8:52am
Subject:
RE: Defiance/Premonitions--Part Two of A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
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This was wonderful. I loved how they were talking past each other and it only wounded Qui-Gon more. I loved that Yoda kept berating him in order to make him see what he was doing to himself but Qui-Gon only saw the knife.
Lovely!
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Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 9/22/08 Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 11/20/08 jedidas3's Master At last - Hope for our country
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KELIA
Title: Fan Fiction Moderator
Registered:
Jul '05
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Date Posted:
2/19 9:08am
Subject:
RE: Defiance/Premonitions--Part Two of A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
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Qui-Gon, you stubborn gundark!!
The next shall save you
I loved those simple, prophetic words.
And as painful as it is, I hope he will consider Yoda's words as well as the whispers from the Force.
Great update
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arthurweasley
Registered:
Jan '08
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Date Posted:
2/19 10:06am
Subject:
RE: Defiance/Premonitions--Part Two of A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
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"Qui-Gon grasped at the fleeting premonition and felt it slip through his mind like lyrics to a forgotten song. He saw nothing more, but the breeze followed him home." I love it!! What a great simile!!
Obi-Wan brings a song of his own that has a stronger melody than Xanatos!
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I distinctly remember forgetting that. The journal of Orto Lann of Orto: http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=27981433&brd=10476
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JediKaren
Registered:
Apr '07
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Date Posted:
2/19 12:09pm
Subject:
RE: Defiance/Premonitions--Part Two of A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
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Ok I have to admit that Qui Gon is being a stubborn little .... who I want to smack, but I also understand why it's so hard for him to let go of his pain (sometimes I wonder if you're not writing about me even though you don't know me) But admittedly Yoda is mostly being a little stubborn... himself. Yet it's Qui Gon who is lying to himself and can't/won't see that.
Great chapter! Update faster!
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Cole_Kenobi
Registered:
Aug '05
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Date Posted:
2/19 1:58pm
Subject:
RE: Defiance/Premonitions--Part Two of A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
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Wow. That was superbly written. Very intense conversation and yet spoken the truth they both did. Loved this. You've done such an awesome job. I'm really enjoying where this is going.
Great job! Can't wait for more! Please keep me on the PM list! Thanks!
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Meredith_Kenobi
Registered:
Jul '05
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Date Posted:
2/19 7:13pm
Subject:
RE: Defiance/Premonitions--Part Two of A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
- Date Edited:
2/19 7:14pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Meredith_Kenobi
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I loved the detail you added of Yoda's ears drooping. It was such a small detail, but it was details like this and others like it that added such depth to this scene. Such as referring to Obi-Wan's voice as a 'regal brogue'.
Yoda and Qui-Gon are very much in-character in this.
And this was so heart-felt. Poor Qui-Gon, he's really feeling low.
Fantastic writing, celine!
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Proud to be ZaraValinor's Padawan Delighted to be brodiew's Master
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celine
Registered:
Sep '07
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Date Posted:
2/20 7:13pm
Subject:
RE: Defiance/Premonitions--Part Two of A Qui-Gon and Yoda Fic--Angst/Drama
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DianeTHX- wow! your description of what I was attempting to convey was perfect. Someone gets me!
Karen--Actually, I think I'm writing about MYSELF as well. Qui is sort of the way my heart views things, and Yoda is my mind. If only I'd listen to "Yoda" more often!
KELIA, Meredith, and Cole--Thanks so much for the kind praise and great feedback. I'm glad you liked the little subtleties I try to weave into my prose.
Weasley: You know I love you, you weird blue elephant, you. 
Thanks guys! Keep commenting please! It makes me write more! 
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Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid. The Journal of Loch Thrindarr http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=27948751&brd=10476&replies=3
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