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Topic:
FIC: Understanding (JA) *Epilogue posted 4/10/03*
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Renton Kenobi
Registered:
May '00
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Date Posted:
4/7/03 6:11pm
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/7/03*
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Always here to comment! 
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"Not as easy as it used to be." - Indiana Jones
"I've always wanted to be a Jedi." - Ned, The Pie Maker "Pushing Daisies"
"I'd leave a guy for a film but I'd never leave a film for a guy!" - Day For Night
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Obi the Kid
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
4/8/03 4:17am
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/8/03*
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The next week was the same for Obi-Wan. Even though he knew about the depression that afflicted his friend, and he’d found out more information about the illness, it was still hard for the young Jedi to deal with the sudden silence that had become his friendship with Taj. Two weeks now and not a word from his fellow padawan. It was beyond frustrating. But he did well to release his feelings into the Force as Qui-Gon had instructed. It did help to an extent.
He also took advantage of Jerra’s visits with Qui-Gon to ask about Taj. It wasn’t until the middle of week three that the master had a small amount of good news to report.
“He’s showing signs that things might be turning around,” Jerra said as the three of them sat down for lunch in the dining hall. They were well isolated at a corner table. His mood has improved a bit and he’s not so tired all of the time. This has been his most severe attack since the depression was diagnosed. We are both learning things about the illness which we didn’t know before. Give him more time, Obi-Wan. I know it’s important for you to need to know how he is. And I know you miss his company. But this is the best way he knows how to handle this. I think we’re moving in the right direction now.”
“I don’t mean to be a pain, Master Jerra. I’m just worried is all.”
“I know you are. And I appreciate that. You’re a good friend to my padawan. He’s told me many times in the past what a great time you both have together. You’ll see those times again soon enough. Bear with us.”
Obi-Wan nodded and turned his attention to his food.
~*~
At the end of week three, Obi-Wan had just returned from a tough work out with his master. Qui-Gon had gone off to meet with the council after cleaning up, while the padawan decided to see what there was to eat in the kitchen. When he walked in the door to his apartment, he saw that the message light on his data pad lighting up. He punched in his code.
The message was from Taj.
<<Hi, Obi-Wan. How have you been? I’m okay, I guess. Master Jerra
told me that you’d asked about me. I’m having a hard time getting past
this, but things are somewhat better. It just takes time, I think.
Taj>>
A sad smile spread across Obi-Wan’s face. He could feel the pain in Taj’s written words. The short message sounded almost gloomy. Not the Taj that Obi-Wan had gotten to know so well over the past few years. But he was also aware now that this illness was part of his friend. That he would have to accept and learn to understand it if he was to keep a close friendship with the older padawan.
This was a start. A short message. If nothing else, it said to Obi-Wan that there was still a friendship there. Something he’d had more and more doubts about as the days and weeks went on. Now he needed to respond, but in a way that’s wouldn’t pressure Taj. He sat down, with his data pad in his lap and began to carefully construct his reply message.
<<Hi, Taj. I’m glad things are getting better. I’ve been worried about
you. Take care of yourself. That’s what’s most important right now.
I miss you.
Obi-Wan>>
The emotions of the past weeks temporally got the best of Kenobi, and as he was typing his message, several tears escaped. He quickly wiped them away and hit the send key. Hoping he’d done the right thing by replying.
When he didn’t hear back from Taj again that day, he began to question his actions. Maybe he should not have replied to his friend. Maybe he should have said less. The emotions warred within him and again he worried that he’d done something he shouldn’t have.
Qui-Gon got home later that evening. Obi-Wan greeted him with a solemn mood. “Hi, Master. How did your meeting go?”
“The council has the habit of putting people to sleep with the way they conduct meetings. I barely escaped without being caught with my eyes closed.” He paused for a moment to take in the distressing atmosphere of the room. “Obi-Wan?”
“I heard from Taj today. He left a message on my data pad. He said he was doing okay. Getting better. So I responded to him with just a short note. But I haven’t heard back.”
Qui-Gon smiled. “That’s a good sign that he spoke to you. But don’t expect things to return to normal automatically. It looks like he’s taking small steps at getting back to his regular routine. Don’t push to hard. He’ll get back to you when he’s up to it. Time, Obi-Wan. Time.”
“I know, Master. I’m trying.”
“Think of this as a test in patience. One of your more prominent struggles. There is a lesson to be learned here.”
Obi-Wan managed a small laugh at his master’s uncanny ability to find a lesson in anything. And he was right. One of his constant battles was patience. He was always to eager. This time he had no choice but to wait. And that was always the hardest part.
~*~
tbc...
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Renton Kenobi
Registered:
May '00
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Date Posted:
4/8/03 8:38am
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/8/03*
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Oh geez this is so sad. So wonderful, but sad. You are so good Obi the Kid!  And I'm the first person to read it! Yay!
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"Not as easy as it used to be." - Indiana Jones
"I've always wanted to be a Jedi." - Ned, The Pie Maker "Pushing Daisies"
"I'd leave a guy for a film but I'd never leave a film for a guy!" - Day For Night
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Ginger_Jedi
Registered:
Jun '01
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Date Posted:
4/8/03 10:56am
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/8/03*
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All caught up
Amazing posts OTK. Your writing emotions and situations so well.
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JC User of the past. Nostalgia can be fun sometimes.
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Obi the Kid
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
4/8/03 11:18am
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/8/03*
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Renton was first, YAY! Thanks to you and to Ginger for your comments. I think there is one more post left in this story and then the epilogue (which will just be one post) which is an Obi POV.
Thanks!
Obi
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KrystalBlaze
Registered:
Aug '02
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Date Posted:
4/8/03 11:24am
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/8/03*
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A really heartfelt part. I'm glad Taj is getting better. Hopefully he'll be find by the end of this fic. I mean, I myself know that I never really recovered from mine, but you learn to move on. Well, good job.
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2008 Fanfic Awards Saga Hostess
/We'll go together/
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Renton Kenobi
Registered:
May '00
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Date Posted:
4/8/03 12:14pm
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/8/03*
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It isn't very often that I am first in anything.
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"Not as easy as it used to be." - Indiana Jones
"I've always wanted to be a Jedi." - Ned, The Pie Maker "Pushing Daisies"
"I'd leave a guy for a film but I'd never leave a film for a guy!" - Day For Night
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Padawan_Jess_Kenobi
Registered:
Nov '02
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Date Posted:
4/8/03 12:51pm
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/8/03*
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Wow, this is so heartfelt! The emotion you are clearly putting into this story is really paying off. This is amazing!  Its so true how Taj is very slowly progressing. This reads like such a true story, and really strikes your tear ducts, there.
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Obi-Wan, Ewan Fan Club
Mandalorian 6 Major TPM DF
"You can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest, honestly it's the honest ones you need to watch out for because you never know when they'll do something incredibly stupid" Captain Jack Sparrow
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Obi the Kid
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
4/8/03 1:01pm
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/8/03*
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Renton, I think the same goes for me!
Thanks Krystal and Jess! I've made this as close as I possibly can to the truth as I've seen it. I'm glad the emotions are very real. It's something I really tried to do...helps get the feelings out!
Thanks guys, I truly appreciate all of your comments for this one.
Obi
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TheSwedishJedi
Registered:
Sep '01
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Date Posted:
4/8/03 1:08pm
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/8/03*
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Again, good post. Glad to see Taj is getting better. Can't wait for more.
~Swede 
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White shores are calling, You and I will meet again,
And you'll be here in my arms, just sleeping...
~ Into the West, LotR
~stories on my bio~
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Obi the Kid
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
4/8/03 5:56pm
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/8/03*
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Thanks Swede!!!!!
Obi
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Obi the Kid
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
4/9/03 4:21am
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/9/03*
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Here's the last part. An Obi POV epilogue will follow tomorrow morning.
==============================
Through the routine of the next days, Obi-Wan did his best not to let the situation with Taj worry him so much. He did hear from his friend several more times and he could definitely begin to see that Taj was working his way back to normalcy.
But it surprised Obi-Wan when he and Qui-Gon decided to take in a late dinner in the dining hall, that over in the corner there were two familiar faces. Master Jerra Derson and his Padawan, Taj Elim.
“Master?”
“I see them, Obi-Wan. Go ahead and make your way over there. It won’t hurt to just stop for a moment and say hi.
The pair edged around the tables of the large but almost empty room. Obi-Wan eventually came to stand next to the table. He held his food tray in his hand. Taj looked up at him.
“Hi, Taj.”
The dark complexion of the older apprentice hid nothing of the fatigue that was still present, but he smiled at the sight of his friend.
“Hi, Obi-Wan. Master Qui-Gon. It’s good to see you both.” After a moment of pause, he continued. “Won’t you join us?”
The conversation was kept light and there was no real mention of Taj’s illness. But that was fine with everyone. It was a slightly awkward situation for the padawans, after so many weeks of almost complete silence, but they each did well. And by the time they had finished their dinner, the tension that had been there in the beginning, had given way to a more enjoyable feeling of contentment.
Taj and Jerra got up from the table. “Obi-Wan, if you’re not busy tomorrow, maybe we can talk a walk somewhere. I’ve not been out much recently. I could use the exercise.”
“Sure,” Obi-Wan said. Shocked by the request. “That would be great. We can maybe visit the waterfall gardens.”
“I haven’t been there in years. I’d like that. I’ll call you sometime tomorrow then.”
“Okay.”
“Goodnight, Obi-Wan. Goodnight, Master Qui-Gon.”
They watched the pair make their way from the room and past the doors. Jerra had an arm around his padawan’s shoulders the entire time.
Qui-Gon looked at his own student. “I think, Obi-Wan, that things will be okay. He looks like he’s just about ready to try routine life again.”
“I hope so, Master. It’s hard to watch a friend when they hurt. It’s a feeling that I don’t much care for.”
“Nor do I, Padawan. Just remember to take things slow with Taj. Follow his lead. If you sense him not comfortable with a subject you brought up or something to that nature, don’t force anything on him.”
I think this whole experience has been one of my toughest lessons. But I have learned from it, Master.”
“I’m glad. I think we’ve all learned something. But it’s not enough to learn, you must remember.”
“I will, Master. I promise.”
~*~
Taj and Obi-Wan shared several hours the next day visiting. The long walk did them both good. Taj was not overly talkative, but he was company. Just like the evening before in the dining hall, conversation was kept away from any serious subjects. It brought a more relaxed feeling to the hours they spent together.
Yet, as they walked home towards Taj’s apartment, he stopped his friend in the hall just outside the door. The mood did become somber for a short time.
“I know I’m not the best company for you right now, Obi-Wan. I’m trying to get things back to normal. I really am. But it’s not easy. And I hope you don’t think it bad of me that I haven’t spoken to you about my depression. It’s just that…it’s a very sensitive subject for me. Very personal. I don’t want the added pressure of everyone knowing my problems and giving their advice on what I need to make myself feel better again. Actually, the only people I’ve talked to this about are Healer Terran and my master. That’s been tough enough for me. Just…bear with me, okay?”
“It’s okay, Taj. I’ve been doing some research on depression to find out more about what it might feel like. I can only read the words that others have said about it. I can’t actually experience it, so I’ll never truly know all that you endure. But I know that I refuse to judge you on any illness you may have. I just want you to know that if you ever need a friendly ear, I’m a good listener. If ever you feel the need to talk with a peer rather than an authority, I’m here.”
“You’re a good listener and a good friend, Obi-Wan. Thank you for trying to understand and for sticking with me through this. It means everything to know that I haven’t lost a close friend because of this illness.”
Obi-Wan remained supportive. He refused to allow any of the anger that he had felt, and still felt to be thrust onto Taj. There remained a part of him that was not happy with Taj. The older apprentice had left him to worry and to wonder for far to long. If they were truly that close of friends, then understanding had to be a two-way street. But he saw that sincerity and the exhaustion in the eyes before him, and he was determined to keep those frustrations to himself. Master Qui-Gon had told him that it was okay to be angry, but that he needed to deal with those negative emotions in a positive way. So later he would find a peaceful spot to meditate and allow the Force to take any abuse he could give it.
Finally, he said, “I can’t pretend to understand, but I can be there for you if you need me.”
Taj reached forward and hugged his friend. It felt so good to know that someone cared about him enough to absorb all the emotions of the past few weeks. “Thank you, Obi-Wan.”
Returning the embrace, Obi-Wan spoke muffled words. “If I can ever help in anyway…”
“I know where to turn.” Taj released Obi-Wan. “I think I could use some rest. Master Jerra wants me to get back into sparring tomorrow. So, I’d better be prepared. Maybe I’ll see you in the gym this week.”
“I hope so. I’ll talk to you soon, Taj.”
“Thanks for your friendship, Obi-Wan. See you soon.”
The padawan retreated into his quarters and Obi-Wan hurried home to tell Master Qui-Gon about his visit with Taj. He felt happy for the first time in a long time. Things were slowly returning to normal. There would be times to come when he’d have to put all that he’d learned from this to use again, but he would go into it with a better knowledge of depression. A better understanding of what depression did to it’s victims. He would know that most importantly, that no matter what the circumstances, he and Taj needed each other. And he held that thought to his heart. Even in the worst of times, their friendship would find a way to survive.
END
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Renton Kenobi
Registered:
May '00
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Date Posted:
4/9/03 10:58am
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/9/03*
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*stands up on her seat and applauds*
Very well done! I did it again, I'm first! Yay for me.
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"Not as easy as it used to be." - Indiana Jones
"I've always wanted to be a Jedi." - Ned, The Pie Maker "Pushing Daisies"
"I'd leave a guy for a film but I'd never leave a film for a guy!" - Day For Night
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TheSwedishJedi
Registered:
Sep '01
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Date Posted:
4/9/03 11:03am
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/9/03*
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Ahhh, how sweet. Very nice ending, Obi. You did a very good job describing a rather difficult subject. I hope your own problems worked out just as well. It's a very hard thing to deal with, on both ends. Can't wait for the POV.
~Swede
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White shores are calling, You and I will meet again,
And you'll be here in my arms, just sleeping...
~ Into the West, LotR
~stories on my bio~
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Ginger_Jedi
Registered:
Jun '01
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Date Posted:
4/9/03 11:22am
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/9/03*
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Nice ending OTK You didn't make everything fine and dandy within a post but knowing that everything's getting better was a perfect conclusion Looking forward to the epilogue
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JC User of the past. Nostalgia can be fun sometimes.
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