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Topic:
FIC: Understanding (JA) *Epilogue posted 4/10/03*
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Obi the Kid
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
4/9/03 11:35am
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/9/03*
- Date Edited:
4/9/03 11:36am (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Obi the Kid
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Thanks to all of you for really understanding this story. It's a very meaningful piece for me, and I am very glad you guys have shared your comments about it with me.
Things with my friend and I are slowly returning to normal. As they usually do after periods like this. But no matter how many times it happens, it's still difficult. It's been a trying month for us both. But I am happy to say that she's doing much better.
Thanks for allowing me to share my feelings thru story. It's helped me a great deal.
Obi
P.S. Renton, you did it again! YAY! You're getting good at this being first stuff! 
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KrystalBlaze
Registered:
Aug '02
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Date Posted:
4/9/03 12:24pm
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/9/03*
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Excellent, excellent fic! Bravo! *claps* I really enjoyed the way you ended it with not everything being ok because really it can never really be "ok". Great job, OTK! I hope to read more from you soon. Really beautiful job.
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2008 Fanfic Awards Saga Hostess
/We'll go together/
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Renton Kenobi
Registered:
May '00
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Date Posted:
4/9/03 12:53pm
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/9/03*
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*does a jig in circles* ^_^
-----signature-----
"Not as easy as it used to be." - Indiana Jones
"I've always wanted to be a Jedi." - Ned, The Pie Maker "Pushing Daisies"
"I'd leave a guy for a film but I'd never leave a film for a guy!" - Day For Night
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Padawan_Jess_Kenobi
Registered:
Nov '02
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Date Posted:
4/9/03 12:54pm
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/9/03*
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Wonderful. You made this fic absolutely perfect. It also gave me an insight on my friends sadness (not really too much depression.) You get that feeling that things will get better slowly, but they will never return back to normal. Beautifully done. This is among your best fics.  I hope everything turns out well for you.
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Obi-Wan, Ewan Fan Club 
Mandalorian 6 Major TPM DF
"You can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest, honestly it's the honest ones you need to watch out for because you never know when they'll do something incredibly stupid" Captain Jack Sparrow
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Obi the Kid
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
4/9/03 5:55pm
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/9/03*
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Jess and Krystal, thanks so very much, yet again. This week has definately been going uphill for me. YAY! THanks in part to you guys!
Nice little dance you got there, Renton!
Epilogue coming up tomorrow, and then I get to play catch up with everyone elses stories!
Obi
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Renton Kenobi
Registered:
May '00
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Date Posted:
4/9/03 6:59pm
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/9/03*
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*Bows*
-----signature-----
"Not as easy as it used to be." - Indiana Jones
"I've always wanted to be a Jedi." - Ned, The Pie Maker "Pushing Daisies"
"I'd leave a guy for a film but I'd never leave a film for a guy!" - Day For Night
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Arwen-Jade_Kenobi
Registered:
Feb '02
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Date Posted:
4/9/03 7:22pm
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/9/03*
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*gets all caught up*
Phew!! All done!
Beautiful job Obi, a real eyeopener.
Bravo!
-----signature-----
Retired Council Master of the Lightside It's all about the blues, baby  "Love can ignite the stars." - ROTS novel I'm a Trekkie: Deal with it, or suffer the wrath of Khan This user is certifiably insane 
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Kelly Kenobi
Registered:
Mar '00
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Date Posted:
4/9/03 7:25pm
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/9/03*
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Beautiful job Obi! I have learned a great deal from this story about how depression affects all those who are involved.
I hope your friends recover is 100% complete and doesn't recur.
As for the story, I loved your portrayal of each of every character. They didn't always know what to do, but they would seek out help from the force and when appropriate each other when things got to much for them. Now that is how I want to see a Jedi act.
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Obi the Kid
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
4/10/03 5:05am
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Updated 4/9/03*
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Thank you Arwen and Kelly. I am sure this is not the last time for this experience, but with each time, I learn more about how to deal with it. My friend is doing well today. Makes me a very happy person.
Thanks SO much for all of your replies. As soon as I find my disk, I am going to post the Epilogue.
Obi
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Obi the Kid
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
4/10/03 5:16am
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Epilogue Posted 4/10/03*
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EPILOGUE
**************
TITLE: Uncertain (Epilogue to Understanding)
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Pre-TPM. Non-Slash. Obi-Wan POV. This is an epilogue of sorts to my fic, ‘Understanding,’ in which Obi-Wan is trying to deal with a friends battle with depression.
==========
Uncertain
==========
I am angry. Frustrated. Worried. Uncertain.
This is how I feel during these times when silence reigns over my friendship with Taj. He suffers from depression, and from time to time the illness hits so hard that it seems to not only break him down, but it also seems to pull us apart.
During periods like this, I seem not to exist for him. No matter what good experiences we’ve had in the past, none of that seems to matter. Perhaps he doesn’t even think about me.
I know this is difficult for him. And I try to understand, but it’s not easy to hold back all the emotions that I feel when he gets like this. It’s not something he brings onto himself. Nor does he wish for this. But does he remember that I have feelings too? Does he know how painful it is on this end when he ignores any attempt I make at contact? How hard could it be for him to take a few seconds to tell me that he just needs time and won’t be around to talk for a while. Or does he not care enough about my feelings for that. I’ve been there for him countless times. Offering a kind ear to listen to his complaints. His anger. Haven’t I done enough to deserve a simple note from him that tells me he’s okay and he just needs time alone?
Sometimes I wonder why I am so dedicated to this friendship. It’s not easy. And it wears on me. There are times when Taj will go almost a month with very little contact with me. I question my role in his life. He tells me that he needs me. That I am important to him. But at time like this, I really wonder about that. I feel disposable. Like I don’t matter to him.
Yet, I stick with him. I am always there when the depression lifts and he’s able to return to life as it used to be. And as things go back to normal, I try and forget the uncertainties and frustrations of the past weeks. But I can’t completely forget them. The pain that I felt when I was pushed away will always be there in the back of my mind. It will always linger. Does he have any idea how much it hurts me? I’ve never told him. And I don’t intend to. It will only add undue pressure onto what is already a trying time for him.
Maybe it’s my own selfishness that I feel. Maybe I need to understand his illness better.
Is it wrong of me to wish that Taj look past himself and see my feelings in all this? That maybe I worry and I care about him and what he goes through?
The frustration grows with each passing day. I try to reach out to the Force. Try to push away the anger I feel. But it hangs over me. Hangs over our friendship. And I think it always will.
I care about Taj. He is one of the closest friends I have. But sometimes I wonder if this friendship is worth it. Is it worth the stress and upset emotions that I feel when the depression hits?
I’ve spoken with Master Qui-Gon about this. He’s really the only one available, because of Taj’s wish to keep his illness hidden from other friends and Jedi. My master can say all those pretty words as he comforts me. Saying that in time everything will be okay, and I do appreciate his effort. But it doesn’t stop my frustrations. My anger. My uncertainty.
For whatever reason, the Force has brought Taj and myself together. Perhaps it’s because we need each other. I know I need him. But does he really need me? If I really mattered as much to him as he says I do…why don’t I feel that? Why does he leave me to wonder and worry about the future of our friendship?
Is this selfish of me? Partially, yes. Taj is dealing with something that hurts his very soul. Crushes him enough so that all he wants to do during the day is sleep. It is selfish of me to think that he should be worrying about me when he’s going through hell.
Yet, that still doesn’t stop me from being angry. I put a great deal into this friendship.
Maybe I put to much into it.
Maybe it’s time for me to just go away and not bother him anymore with my company.
But I can’t do that. I care to much about him. We’ve been through a lot together. And I think that during these times, there is some part of Taj that cares about me as well.
For now, I am left to ponder what lies ahead for us. Will things ever return to the way they were. Past experience says yes. My heart and mind aren’t so sure.
And that leaves me…uncertain.
END
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Renton Kenobi
Registered:
May '00
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Date Posted:
4/10/03 8:33am
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Epilogue posted 4/10/03*
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Bravo! Very well done Obi The Kid! Well done indeed!
And I'm first again! MWAAHAHAH!
-----signature-----
"Not as easy as it used to be." - Indiana Jones
"I've always wanted to be a Jedi." - Ned, The Pie Maker "Pushing Daisies"
"I'd leave a guy for a film but I'd never leave a film for a guy!" - Day For Night
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Shaindl
Registered:
Jun '02
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Date Posted:
4/10/03 10:09am
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Epilogue posted 4/10/03*
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Hi,
A difficult subject you're dealing with here. I think Obi-Wan's reactions are normal and healthy. Depression (having lived with a father who has it) is difficult to handle.
Well-handled and sensitive. Great work.
Shaindl
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Halfway Moment - Qui, Obi, Anakin AU - http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/20110461/?0 - UPDATED JULY 3!
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Obi the Kid
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
4/10/03 10:21am
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Epilogue posted 4/10/03*
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Renton, thanks again! And you have officially lost it! What? No more dancing?
Shaindl, Thanks very much. This friendship has given me a great deal of respect for those who have to live with this battle of depression. And for those who have to watch them suffer with it. Thanks for reading and for the comments.
Obi
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Renton Kenobi
Registered:
May '00
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Date Posted:
4/10/03 11:06am
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Epilogue posted 4/10/03*
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Well you asked for it....
*Continues Jig*
(This is what happens when you procrastinate in college you offically loose it!)
-----signature-----
"Not as easy as it used to be." - Indiana Jones
"I've always wanted to be a Jedi." - Ned, The Pie Maker "Pushing Daisies"
"I'd leave a guy for a film but I'd never leave a film for a guy!" - Day For Night
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TheSwedishJedi
Registered:
Sep '01
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Date Posted:
4/10/03 12:20pm
Subject:
RE: FIC: Understanding (JA) *Epilogue posted 4/10/03*
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Poor Obi. (Both of you) Don't give up on your friend. He needs you even when it doesn't seem like it. And leaving would only make Taj feel worst, thinking that he isn't good enough for the friendship.
Ok, enough with the depressing stuff. Great fic, Obi. Very well done. Is there going to be a sequel to this? [hopeful face]
~Swede 
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White shores are calling, You and I will meet again,
And you'll be here in my arms, just sleeping...
~ Into the West, LotR
~stories on my bio~
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