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Topic:
B'disth (Qui Obi JA AUish, Mush, Angst) Chapter 19 posted 5/26
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Lady_Snow_Kaguya
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
11/22/06 11:02pm
Subject:
RE: B'disth (Qui Obi JA AUish, Mush, Angst) Author notes and ch 16 11/20
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*melts* thehug...so...fracking cute.......
I await 17 with much joy!
-----signature-----
Former Padawan of MASTER_KAYM
Jedi = Intergalactic Therapists
I ship Qui/Tahl
Republicans for Voldemort
"You threw yourself into a lake of acid just to spite your Master. I think that makes you mentally unstable in most galactic dictionaries!"-Tahl
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Veloz
Registered:
Aug '04
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Date Posted:
11/23/06 2:03pm
Subject:
RE: B'disth (Qui Obi JA AUish, Mush, Angst) Author notes and ch 16 11/20
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I just caught up with this story and i'm loving it! 
Please add me to ur pm list, i'd love to read what comes next! 
-----signature-----
"Hello there!"
"Remember the Force will be with you..always" - Obi Wan Kenobi, ANH
"Who's the more foolish...the fool or the fool who follows him?"- Obi Wan Kenobi, ANH
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adawn
Registered:
Oct '05
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Date Posted:
1/1/07 8:19pm
Subject:
RE: B'disth (Qui Obi JA AUish, Mush, Angst) Chapter 17 posted 1/1
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obsessedwithSW: I like to think they were very close, but restrained up Jedi life. But it's probably clear that I prefer my QG mushy.
KILIK: You're about to find out what Obi needed. Thanks for the review!
Star-Foozle: Glad you liked the last chapter. If you liked the mush, I think you'll like the next chapter.
Luminara_Kenobi: Always glad when a chapter makes someone squee  You're about to find out what upset Obi-wan so much.
Lady_Snow_Kaguya: Here is 17 for you! Sorry it took so long! And by that “fracking” am I to guess that you're a BSG fan too?
Veloz: Welcome to my little fic! Glad you liked it. I've added you to the PM list.
-----signature-----
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adawn
Registered:
Oct '05
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Date Posted:
1/1/07 8:23pm
Subject:
RE: B'disth (Qui Obi JA AUish, Mush, Angst) Chapter 17 posted 1/1
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The ease of finding transport was apparently where Qui-gon's luck ended. He was barely at the stairs to the rooms when one of the resort staff approached him.
“Ser di Jinn! So relieved to see you!”
“Relieved, why so?”
“Your son has, er, barricaded himself in your room. We are finding it very difficult to get through to him.”
Oh, force, Obi-wan! He hadn't reopened the bond. How could he have forgotten such a thing, especially after the anguish he'd felt through it earlier?
Qui-gon raced up the stairs, his feet barely touching the wood. As he reopened the bond he felt an even stronger sense of despair than earlier. It almost drove him to his knees. His hand wrapped around the banister as his legs buckled and he white knuckled it as he forced himself to remain standing and continue up the stairs.
He didn't even see the boy at first as his eyes swept the room in panic. It was only after a deep breath and a second glance around the room that he noticed his padawan curled on the bed, in a corner against the wall. Obi-wan had his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them, his face hidden. All Qui-gon could see was the boy's tunics and the top of his head. The fringe of his hair seemed soaked in sweat.
“Child?” The lump on the bed flinched and whimpered, and so Qui-gon reached out a hand to wipe the hair off Obi-wan's forehead. His instinct proved correct as he felt the heat of fever and the dampness of the hair.
“Cai'lan?”
“No!” Came the hoarse shout, but the boy's head never raised.
“No what?”
“Don't call me that!”
“Why not, little one?”
“My Da calls me that and he's gone! I can't bear it!”
Qui-gon's innards turned to ice and then plummeted to his ankles.
“I am not gone, Ben, I am right here. I am here with you.” Obi-wan just shook his head mutely. “Bendo, look at me.” Nothing. He reached out to turn the boy's head, but he stiffened stubbornly, and – well, there was no other word for it – growled. The Jedi Master was briefly taken back to the memory of his wife's death, and the reaction of his son when the security officer tried to move him.
Deep inside him somewhere, Obi-wan was grieving for his Master, but on the surface he was dealing with Ben, who was grieving for his father. Somewhere in the middle, he was realizing more and more, the two personae mixed to make the real Obi-wan Kenobi, the one that was known only to the boy himself. Qui-gon suspected the real Obi-wan had been deeply buried after being continually rejected by the Masters at the temple. And Qui-gon knew, with previously undiscovered sorrow, that he had practically placed the mask of “Perfect Padawan” on the boy himself.
Qui-gon forced himself back into the moment, his inability to focus on the here and now not unnoticed. He had a crisis to deal with, he had to figure out how Obi-wan had had such a breakdown.
Glancing around the room for the first time with any sort of attention, alarm rose in Qui-gon's throat as he registered the empty beverage containers littered about. Picking one up from the nightstand the Jedi Master brought it to his nose to smell. There was a faint scent of . . . something. It was almost undetectable, but it was there. These drinks had been spiked, that much was clear to Qui-gon, and that explained Obi-wan's condition in part. What he didn't understand is why the boy would drink one, let alone three, knowing that the B'disth were not to be trusted. Asking his Padawan straight out was impossible, as Obi-wan was on the edge of incoherency and was clearly hysterical. Sensing he would not get through to his apprentice in the traditional ways, Qui-gon tapped into their bond.
Acute despair flooded through him, followed by a mental voice so loud he prayed there were no force sensitives nearby as they would easily pick up on the boy's emotions.
//Gone. I should have been there with him. Now I am alone again.//
Qui-gon tried to send a burst of comfort, but found that Obi-wan's end of the bond was blocked, though not by Obi-wan himself. Although his feelings were pouring through the bond, Obi-wan was not able to access the Force at all.
The big man was suddenly overcome by the feeling of being far, far out of his depth. Oh, but he was incapable of this! He could comfort and deal with a Jedi Apprentice, it was second nature to him, but this – this was foreign, no matter how many days they had been posing as father and son. He had to work in the way he knew, even if it wasn't the best way. He had to assume that something of his Obi-wan was still there.
Qui-gon quickly and deftly manipulated the Force so that the room was sound proof, and then he took a deep breath and braced himself. With one quick movement he had Obi-wan under the arms and was hauling him off the bed, braced with the boy's back against the bigger man's chest.
As he had expected, the minute Obi-wan was touched the boy lashed out, howling and shouting like a feral child. Although Qui-gon had managed to pin his apprentice against himself at the waist, the boy continued to kick out with his feet. And although the boy fought with some recognized moves, there was no discipline in it, only fear.
Pinning Obi-wan's small wrists behind his back, he turned the child around to face him. Unwilling to cooperate with someone he clearly saw as a threat, the boy immediately dropped to his knees. Obi-wan went slack in his arms and had finally gone silent, shaking tremendously. Swallowing no small amount of guilt, Qui-gon finally spoke.
“You will calm yourself and look at me. I will not accept willful disobedience.”
As Qui-gon expected, the Master's command, even if was not recognized for what it was, was too much for Obi-wan to ignore, and the boy opened his eyes. Qui-gon immediately dropped to one knee so that he could look the boy in the eye.
There was a tense silence, finally broken when Obi-wan whispered “You're not dead.”
“No, I very much am not. Why ever would you think I was?”
“You disappeared from our – from our --” He was confused, the word was right there on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't manage to spit it out. Grinding his teeth in frustration he finally just said “You disappeared from here” and tapped at his temple.
“I shut down our bond and so you thought I had been killed?”
“Yes.” It seemed so silly now that his Da was right here. But why was his Da hunting for the crystals again? Something wasn't quite adding up.
Qui-gon reached over to brush the tears off Obi-wan's cheeks, noting the flush of embarrassment colouring them.
“I am sorry for that, Cai'lan. I did not mean to frighten you so. I had to shut down the bond because you were very upset and it was distracting me. What had so upset?”
Obi-wan tried to speak, but couldn't make it happen. All that came out of his mouth was “Papa, I – I need, I -”
Trying to make things easier on his small learner he tapped into the bond once again to attempt to understand what it was Obi-wan needed. What he found astounded him. Beyond an indescribable sadness, there was indeed need, but it wasn't need of anything. It was pure need, the way any living thing needed care and survival.
So Qui-gon did the only thing he could. He opened his arms in invitation and Obi-wan rushed into them. The boy clutched at him so fiercely it almost hurt, and then small hands were instantly running over the bigger man's chest, arms, and head. The boy was checking him for wounds.
“Little one, I am fine. Completely uninjured. Obviously you are not. What has happened here?”
“Ev'lee is dead. Mi'read is gone.” The truth in the statement was overwhelming. The state of his Padawan only added to the weight of the words.
“I'm sorry I wasn't here for you, child. That must have been very difficult. But please, Ben, why did you did you take those drinks?”
“I didn't want to be me anymore.” The answer was muffled, spoken into his Papa's shoulder. He couldn't remember it all, but he just remembered feeling sad and scared but thinking he couldn't express it, couldn't let himself truly grieve. The stray thought moved through his memory that he didn't need to act like a Jedi, because if his Master was gone he would never be a knight. But that didn't make much sense right now.
“Why didn't you want to be you, Obi?” His father sounded so sad to ask him that. He didn't like his Papa to be sad. But he was too angry to really think about what that meant.
“Cause I wanted this -” he gripped his Papa's arms then, trying to explain thoughts that weren't even clear to himself. “and I can't have it the other way.”
Big hands were carding through his hair, and he leaned into the touch, cat-like. “Let me see if I understand you” came the rumbly voice in his ear. It still sounded so very sad. “You were sad and scared, and you wanted someone to hold you and make it better.” Hearing it out loud like that made him feel silly, and he tried to hide his face even more, while trying to pull away from his father's embrace at the same time. The big man refused to co-operate, and only tightened his grip. “You wanted comfort. And you didn't think a Jedi Apprentice was allowed to have it, so you became Ben.” Apprentice? What was he talking about?
“You might not remember this later, but I'll repeat it as often as it takes for you to believe it. You can be yourself with me, Padawan. You are welcome to my hugs for as long as you will take them. I've been doing this all wrong, but even this old Master can learn. I would have given you whatever comfort you needed – you didn't have to do this.”
Suddenly everything became too much, and Obi-wan felt himself yell.
“But you weren't there! You weren't and you left me all alone!” He struggled in his Papa's arms, anger spurring him on. He landed a few weak blows against the broad chest in front of him. Qui-gon didn't even move, he just let the little fists keep coming. “You left me all alone! Why weren't you there? I thought you were dead!”
“I know, and I'm sorry. I really wish I had been.”
The admission took the wind out of his sails, and he began to cry. “They killed her Papa. And then you were gone and I was all alone and I thought...” He looked up and stopped mid sentence at the sight of tears rolling down his father's cheeks.
Qui-gon couldn't remember the last time he had actually shed tears. He had long thought himself incapable of it. But the thought of his Obi-wan so desperate for attention, so trapped by trying to be the perfect padawan that he would take such a drastic measure to express himself, hurt parts of his heart he didn't even know existed.
Small thumbs brushed the tears from under his eyes. “Why are you crying, Papa?”
“Because I'm sad that you were so hurt, sad that you had to do this.”
“I'm sorry Papa. I'm really sorry.”
“You have nothing --” he began, but Obi-wan had doubled over suddenly and sicked up all over his boots.
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Gkilkenny
Registered:
Mar '04
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Date Posted:
1/2/07 1:34am
Subject:
RE: B'disth (Qui Obi JA AUish, Mush, Angst) Chapter 17 posted 1/1
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OMG!!!  
That was a brilliant update, I read it twice
It was so heart wrenching.
Obi-Wan (Ben) his out-pouring of emotions was written
beautifully.
I applaud you
Thank you for such a wonderful update
-----signature-----
Padawan to p_stotts
Peace over anger - honour over hate - Strength over fear.
Links to Stories in my Bio. Obi-Wan forever.
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Luminara_Kenobi
Registered:
Sep '06
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Date Posted:
1/2/07 6:39am
Subject:
RE: B'disth (Qui Obi JA AUish, Mush, Angst) Chapter 17 posted 1/1
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Uugh, too tired to make much of a comment, sorry! Loved the update, interesting how you had Obi revert to Ben when he needed to express that part of himself...hopefully he can come out of it now. I'm still worried about the spiked drinks, though...what were those? Poor Ev'lee, definetely want to know what happened there. And yet another squee! for the Qui/Obi mushy cuteness and sweetness! 
-----signature-----
Oafie & Lulu  Long Live the original JA series--  why did it go out of print?! Long Live Freedom of Speech!!! Constantly thinking of new and innovative ways to shave Obi-Wan  I miss you, too.
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Veloz
Registered:
Aug '04
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Date Posted:
1/2/07 9:50am
Subject:
RE: B'disth (Qui Obi JA AUish, Mush, Angst) Chapter 17 posted 1/1
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Oh gawd! 
Wonderful update... i'm loving the mush here
Ev'lee is dead  ... cant wait to read what happened there.
Tnx a lot for the pm
-----signature-----
"Hello there!"
"Remember the Force will be with you..always" - Obi Wan Kenobi, ANH
"Who's the more foolish...the fool or the fool who follows him?"- Obi Wan Kenobi, ANH
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Arwen-Jade_Kenobi
Registered:
Feb '02
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Date Posted:
1/2/07 10:45am
Subject:
RE: B'disth (Qui Obi JA AUish, Mush, Angst) Chapter 17 posted 1/1
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Aw! Yay mush!!
-----signature-----
Retired Council Master of the Lightside It's all about the blues, baby "Love can ignite the stars." - ROTS novel I'm a Trekkie: Deal with it, or suffer the wrath of Khan This user is certifiably insane 
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Star-Foozle
Registered:
Aug '06
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Date Posted:
1/2/07 12:01pm
Subject:
RE: B'disth (Qui Obi JA AUish, Mush, Angst) Chapter 17 posted 1/1
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A wonderful update, adawn. Yay, mush...*is happy*
Poor Obi -- the combination of Ev'lee's death and Quig's 'disappearance' definitley took a toll on him. And the spiked drinks were a little alarming, moreso the fact that Obi took them. But it all resolved in some lovely sweetness, so it's all good. For now.
Thanks for the PM, and nice work!
-----signature-----
Can't save the world without caffeine.  Proud Padawan of Charmisjess! My fics are in my profile.  Midnight is where the day begins.
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AngryWarrior
Registered:
Mar '05
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Date Posted:
1/2/07 2:54pm
Subject:
RE: B'disth (Qui Obi JA AUish, Mush, Angst) Chapter 17 posted 1/1
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Dont have much time to post a good reply. LOVE THE ANGST/MUSH.
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obsessedwithSW
Registered:
May '05
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Date Posted:
1/4/07 7:41pm
Subject:
RE: B'disth (Qui Obi JA AUish, Mush, Angst) Chapter 17 posted 1/1
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Masterful job of portraying the confusion and emotion of the scene. I loved Qui' line even an old Master can learn.
-----signature-----
Yes Darth Maul -bring sexy back! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW8kOYvwVng Avid SiriWaner ! Stories in Bio
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Valairy_Scot
Title: PT Rewrite Winner
Registered:
Sep '05
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Date Posted:
1/6/07 6:08pm
Subject:
RE: B'disth (Qui Obi JA AUish, Mush, Angst) Chapter 17 posted 1/1
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Oh, my, knuckles eyes...I've been missing one heck of a great story. This is wonderful. Please add me to your PM list.
-----signature-----
http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25405090/p3/?52 Prolific Author thread: list & links there. Muse fueled by coffee. Often AWOL despite frequent sipping. Writes on inspiration, not a schedule. I'm a writer, not a storyteller.
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AngryWarrior
Registered:
Mar '05
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Date Posted:
1/13/07 8:58pm
Subject:
RE: B'disth (Qui Obi JA AUish, Mush, Angst) Chapter 17 posted 1/1
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Moving on up.....
Please post more soon
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TheLurker
Registered:
Aug '05
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Date Posted:
1/19/07 9:55pm
Subject:
RE: B'disth (Qui Obi JA AUish, Mush, Angst) Chapter 17 posted 1/1
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What nice updates to come back to after my holiday! I really enjoyed them.
It's interesting that Obi's defense mechanism is to revert to being 'Ben'.
Hope you can post more soon.
~Rhi
-----signature-----
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?  One Day Remains - http://boards.theforce.net/Before_the_Saga/b10475/21397275/?0
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adawn
Registered:
Oct '05
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Date Posted:
2/17/07 1:10pm
Subject:
RE: B'disth (Qui Obi JA AUish, Mush, Angst) Chapter 17 posted 1/1
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Luminara_Kenobi: Thanks for the review. I also thought it was interesting that Obi made the subconscious choice to revert to Ben.
Veloz: Glad you liked the mush!
Arwen-Jade_Kenobi: Mush is the best.
Star-Foozle: Yeah, with everything that was going on Obi was a bit of a mess and made some bad choices. But he'll learn his lesson.
AngryWarrior: Thank you! Glad you liked it.
ObsessedwithSW: Thank you, there was a lot of emotion going on in this scene, and I'm glad you thought it was well done.
Valairy_Scot: A newbie to my story! Thanks for reading and commenting! Consider yourself added to the PM list.
TheLurker: Yeah, Obi's starting to have some issues deciphering who he really is – what his instincts are. After all, who would he be if he hadn't been part of the Jedi as a child? He's starting to feel the effects of that.
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