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Not Myself (Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, OC's) Updated 9-3-08 / Chap. 26
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jedidas3
Registered:
Apr '07
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Date Posted:
3/31 4:32am
Subject:
RE: Not Myself (Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, OC's) Updated 3-28-08 / Chap. 19
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 I'm so excited! An update! I'm just sorry I missed this update before I went off the boards for the weekend! I'm not sure where to begin. Your characters in this story are so real, so human. They make mistakes, but they learn from them. I hope you know how much I absolutely love this story! I have to say that it is one of my favorites! 
Kale met his son’s gaze. “What is it you fear?”
“Change.”
I think we all do to an extent! It just proves that what Obi is feeling is normal for anyone who has been through what he has endured in his short life.
Again, thank you for such a wonderful update and I'm so looking forward to the next update! So, please hurry...don't keep me waiting! 
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VaderLVR64
Title: Fan Fic Manager Digging out from Fay
Registered:
Feb '04
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Date Posted:
3/31 7:01am
Subject:
RE: Not Myself (Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, OC's) Updated 3-28-08 / Chap. 19
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“My life is what it is. Kale…my father has been extremely patient with me these past few months, and the crazy thing is I can’t fathom why. I am working really hard to get to the point of completely trusting him but there’s a part of me that doesn’t seem capable of trusting anyone but Jes. I’m not an easy person to get along with, and I tend to push back when cornered.”
Loved that.  Beautifully done. 
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If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories.
They call me NANA Vader.
At least she doesn't lack confidence...
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Itachi-Uchiha
Registered:
Jul '07
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Date Posted:
3/31 10:26am
Subject:
RE: Not Myself (Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, OC's) Updated 3-28-08 / Chap. 19
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I'm so glad Kale and Qui-Gon are going to go against the Council's wishes and train Obi-Wan how to handle the Force better.
She had expected them to be followed, but now she found herself facing an individual who did not agree with those demands and was making some of his own. This was not the child she remembered.
Yay Obi! I still don't trust his grandmother. Hopefully she will come to her senses and do what is best for Obi-Wan. Great post.
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Headstrong : http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/27188681/p1/?5 Xanatos/Quinlan/Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan/Dooku Updated August 29th! In Memoriam: Itachi Uchiha
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dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
4/1 9:51am
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RE: Not Myself (Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, OC's) Updated 3-28-08 / Chap. 19
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This made me so sad.
"Whelp," the older man replied while swiping out a hand toward the youth. Obi-Wan suddenly stepped back, his playful manner gone, his body bracing itself for the blow that he thought was sure to come. When Qui-Gon realized what was happening, he stopped in mid motion and slowly stepped toward the youth. The teen took another step back but Qui-Gon grasped his shoulder and with gentle firmness held him still. Obi-Wan's features were weary, his eyes watching every move the other man made.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said gently. "I would never harm you, young one. I was caught up in a moment of lighthearted teasing, nothing more."
That Obi-Wan would still react that way to something so innocent is really sad.
I loved that he stood up to his grandmother and laid it on the line. I hope she listens or she will lose him.
Great job.
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silverfighter
Registered:
Apr '07
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Date Posted:
4/10 9:08am
Subject:
RE: Not Myself (Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, OC's) Updated 3-28-08 / Chap. 19
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Woww, so the grandmother did have good intentions. Sad reasons, but still good.
Oh, I loved how Obi-Wan interacted with his grandmother. He stood up to her, told her what he wanted and did it with an even head. Yay for him. 
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Master to Ferus-Olin and JediJumper.  ~(*)~ "You believe there is one God. Good! Even the devils believe that--and shudder." -James 2:19
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bek
Registered:
Jul '05
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Date Posted:
4/13 3:09pm
Subject:
RE: Not Myself (Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, OC's) Updated 3-28-08 / Chap. 19
- Date Edited:
4/14 6:48am (5 edits total)
Edited By:
bek
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Valairy_Scot I think Obi-Wan is moving forward - he recognizes so much now - he realizes how he behaves and begins to understand why; he understands his father and grandmother...huge step. As the Jedi you have to first face things before you can accept, release and/or change them.
He is moving forward. However, it may be one step forward and two steps back depending on the situations that occur and whether he's ready to face them head on.
She thinks she knows what's right, but Obi-Wan is not going to kowtow to her.
He will definitely not allow Kana to run his life.
A strong-willed family, indeed.
Whatever gave you that idea? 
Cole_Kenobi I love how Kale was there for him.
Obi-Wan needs to realize that his father will always be there no matter the circumstances.
The opening was so neat, especially since I too love a good thunder storm, I always tend to be amazed.
This was my favorite part too. I enjoyed writing it and seeing the scene come to life as it was being painted with words. The storm was a reflection of the one currently waging itself inside Obi-Wan.
Enjoyed the part with Qui-Gon, the rain drops scene, and the eyebrow raising, ahah, very cute, Obi's picking up some nice traits. Lol
He is his father's son. 
All the dialogue was very intriguing, and so well thought out. Superbly written. I enjoyed reading it.
Thank you!
Obi-Odd13 Poor Obi is still being pushed around... at least Kale and Qui-Gon understand his need to make his own decisions. And now why can't nana do that? But at least Obi-wan is making progress! He already trusts Jes and Healer Hebsley, and is close to completely trusting Kale and Qui-Gon.
Kana is dealing with someone who won't allow himself to be intimidated and that is new to her. But then, she shouldn't be surprised since the boy's father never cowered to her either.
He is learning to trust others outside of his aunt, but unconsciously he's waiting for the other proverbial shoe to fall. He doesn't feel he deserves the kindness and unconditional love of his father and the friends he's made. Nayt and Traest messed him up pretty good. 
Please update soon! I really can't wait; yours was the first story I ever read on TheForce.net, back when I didn't have an account. But now I do, so now I can comment! Please post again soon!
Welcome to the thread! And thank you for your kind words. I hope the fic holds your interest and that you continue to enjoy it.
Gkilkenny Obi-Wan certainly let his grandmother know he is his own boss.
She will need to mellow a bit if she wants him in her life.
Kana is rather surprised by this change. 
I can see Obi-Wan liking his father more and more.
He's coming around.
ratna I think the interaction between Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon (where Qui-Gon was being affectionate and Obi-Wan braced to protect himself) really says it all.
He's embarrassed by his reaction, hence the self recrimination that he should be past that by now.
Compartmentalizing is a classic defense mechanism. But growth can only happen when the defense mechanism is relinquished. Quite a row to hoe!
He has a good support team behind him.
Oh, and I loved this:
He found himself wishing he could speak with Healer Hebsley. Somehow, the older man always made him feel as if he could somehow take words and make the world right again.
Just like Palpatine.... !
Repeat after me: Master Hebsley is a Jedi, not a sith. Okay, got that straight.
Great writing, bek.
Thanks!
wolf_kenobi Wow! Excellent post!
Thanks! 
Obi's grandmother didn't have a clue what she was in for. I hope she can realize that being with her might not be the best thing for him.
Kana isn't thinking clearly at this point. 
It's good that Kale was there for Obi. I'm glad that he knows that Kale supports him.
He's learning that Kale is a constant.
jedidas3 I'm so excited! An update! I'm just sorry I missed this update before I went off the boards for the weekend! I'm not sure where to begin. Your characters in this story are so real, so human. They make mistakes, but they learn from them. I hope you know how much I absolutely love this story! I have to say that it is one of my favorites!
Thank you! I'm really glad you're enjoying it! And I hope you know the feeling is mutual: Remembrance and Best Intentions.
Kale met his son’s gaze. “What is it you fear?”
“Change.”
I think we all do to an extent! It just proves that what Obi is feeling is normal for anyone who has been through what he has endured in his short life.
Because he knew where he stood with Nayt and Traest, he was comfortable so to speak. He knew where the lines were drawn but he didn't really have a life. He was a tool to them, a means to an end. With his father, Qui-Gon, Reed, Hebsley, Kana and a few others, it's all new territory, one that he isn't sure of and hasn't yet found the boundaries to. He will have some good days and some bad until he figures it out, as well as deals with his past.
VaderLVR64 Loved that. Beautifully done.
Thanks!
Itachi-Uchiha I'm so glad Kale and Qui-Gon are going to go against the Council's wishes and train Obi-Wan how to handle the Force better.
He needs some self control where his abilities are concerned.
Yay Obi! I still don't trust his grandmother. Hopefully she will come to her senses and do what is best for Obi-Wan. Great post.
Don't discount her yet. She has her faults, but….
dianethx That Obi-Wan would still react that way to something so innocent is really sad.
It is a shame that his fight or flight response kicked in at the most inopportune moment.
I loved that he stood up to his grandmother and laid it on the line. I hope she listens or she will lose him.
Kana has met her match in the stubborn arena.
silverfighter Oh, I loved how Obi-Wan interacted with his grandmother. He stood up to her, told her what he wanted and did it with an even head. Yay for him.
And he's depending on Kale and Qui-Gon to keep their promise that his decisions will stand.
Chapter 20
The ride back to the Kenobi estate was a silent affair. When the transport turned onto the path that led to the house, Kale answered the unstated question in the teen’s mind. “Qui-Gon and I sensed that your visit was quickly coming to a close. I thought to be there in case you needed backup, but I didn’t want to intrude so I shielded from you to let you handle things on your own.” He looked at his son from the corner of his eye. “I apologize if I stepped over the line. I’m still trying to figure out where the boundaries are.”
The speeder pulled up beside the house and stopped. Obi-Wan merely sat in his seat, making no movement to get out. “She doesn’t want me,” the youth whispered. “She wants him.”
“Who’s him?” Kale inquired in a gentle tone.
“Young Obi-Wan.” The young man turned toward his father, his anguish over the situation clearly seen within his eyes. “Am I so terrible that she would look for him instead of seeing what was right in front of her?”
Kale had to restrain himself from mouthing off every horrible thing he could think of when it came to Kana Bailer. Turning in his seat to better view his son, he sincerely replied, “I wish you could see yourself the way Qui-Gon, Reed, Hebsley, Jes, and I see you. When we look at you, we see a priceless work of art; don’t ever believe anyone who would try to say otherwise. So you have a checkered past, who among us doesn't? My past is tainted by things I wish I could forget, Qui-Gon's is a mess, and Reed's could do with a good cleansing as well. The point is we've all done things we're not proud of. And whether you’re ten or eighty or somewhere in between, your worth will forever be incalculable. When Kana thinks it over, she’ll see what a mistake she’s made; you’ll see.”
Obi-Wan took a deep breath before leaning forward to hug his father, a gesture he suddenly felt unsure of. Despite what his father had just told him, a part of him wondered if Kale would reject him the way his grandmother just had. When Kale’s arms surrounded him in a protective circle, any doubt that lingered vanished into thin air. For the first time in a long while, he felt safe from the harsh reality of life.
Obi-Wan still didn’t know why he continued to test his father’s patience or endurance where he was concerned. He only knew that when times like this came about, as few as they were, Kale proved himself again and again. He felt buoyed by his father’s words. For whatever reason, Kale believed in him and like Jes, believed in the man he could be but more importantly, his father accepted him as he currently was.
X
“Obi-Wan, this is an unexpected surprise. It’s good to see you, lad. How's the trip?”
The teen smiled at the Healer. Just the sight of the older man made him feel better. “We’ve run into a few complications.”
Hebsley grinned. “Well, what do you expect when you’re with Jinn and Kenobi? Those two attract trouble.”
Obi-Wan chuckled. “Well, I don’t exactly have experience with that personally, just hearsay. But I’ll take your word for it.”
“What’s going on, kiddo?”
“My grandmother has decided that I should remain on Nyve under her guardianship.” Hebsley nodded to let the teen know that he had been heard. “I went to see her, and she’s not exactly thrilled with me. I don’t think it’s the present she really wants so much as she wants the past. She's impounded our ship and has the spaceports on alert in case we try to depart.”
Hebsley watched the young man through the viewing screen. “I guess we all should have listened to that ‘bad feeling’ we had.”
The young man snorted sarcastically. “That’s an understatement.”
"Has your father or Qui-Gon alerted the Council?"
"I believe so."
“I'll double check on that. It's against Republic law to hold a member of the Jedi Order. How is Kale dealing with this?”
Obi-Wan smiled. “That's just it. Nyve succeeded from the Republic four years ago. My father isn’t thrilled with Kana, but his support of me is unconditional either way.”
“They're leaving the Republic may complicate things." Hebsley looked to be in deep thought over the matter. Refocusing on the youth, he said, "I guess it will be at the Council's discretion as to what action is taken, if any. It's good that you have Kale's support. And Qui-Gon?”
This time the youth grinned. “He’s ready to go charging in there to tell her in not so many words that she can’t have me.”
“Sounds like Jinn. He thinks the world of you even if he doesn’t say it. In his eyes, you’re already his padawan; the council just hasn’t confirmed it yet. And Jinn is very protective of his padawans.”
Tension suddenly filled the air. “Can I tell you something without it getting back to the Council?”
“You know whatever you tell me is confidential, young one.”
“I know. But I also know that Yoda and Windu make regular inquiries.”
“They only hear what everyone else already knows, I assure you.”
Obi-Wan leaned forward to rest one arm on the table in front of him while running his other hand through his hair. Hebsley had learned early on that it was a nervous gesture on the teen's part.
“What is it, Obi-Wan?”
A nervous breath echoed over the com unit. “Qui-Gon and Kale are going to train me without the Council’s permission.” The teen hesitated before continuing, gauging the healer's reaction. “Something happened at the space port when we arrived and my father now feels it’s imperative that I be taught how to control my abilities.”
“Did it have something to do with your grandmother?”
The youth nodded. “She put the space ports on alert in case my father ever returned to Nyve. He didn’t defend himself, so I did it for him. Only he and Qui-Gon weren’t too happy with me.”
“Kale’s interpretation of taking care of things didn’t coincide with yours.”
Obi-Wan looked at the healer sharply. “He just stood there!”
“Would you have rather had him hurt those around him to get what he wanted?”
“No.”
“What was the end result?”
The teen lowered his eyes. “If Jes had not interfered, I would have killed the guard responsible for the incident.”
Hebsley took a deep breath, his eyes filled with sadness at the implication. “Obi-Wan.”
The young man refocused his gaze on the healer. “You’re disappointed.”
“No, young one. I’m thankful. I’m thankful that you didn’t succeed in your quest, thankful that you have people around you who care about what happens to you.”
“I took a chance on you,” the teen replied.
“And how did I do?”
Obi-Wan smiled. “I don’t regret it.”
"I'm glad to be of help. Contact me when you need to, no matter the time difference."
"Would you get in touch with Reed and have him on standby?"
"You thinking of making a quick escape?"
"Depends on the outcome."
"I'll tell him."
X
“Can you reinstate the barrier that held Kale and I at bay?”
Obi-Wan shook his head. “No. I didn't even know I did it.”
Close your eyes, son. Now picture yourself back in that situation. “What were you thinking when you immobilized the security team?”
The young man did as he was instructed. The anger at the situation, not having been dealt with, reasserted itself with a vengeance. Before anyone could react, another barrier erected itself between the teen and the two adults. “I didn’t want either of you to stop me.”
Kale pressed his hand forward and felt the invisible wall blocking him from his son. He pushed against it with both hands and it flexed but did not yield under his touch. When Qui-Gon put an ignited lightsaber up against the wall, he found that it had no effect.
“Open your eyes, Obi-Wan.” The youth focused on the two in front of him. When his father cautiously pushed his hand forward in the air, he was astonished to see the man hit against something pliable, yet solid. Eyes widening, Obi-Wan swallowed. “I did that?”
Qui-Gon smiled slightly. “Apparently so. Do you remember how?”
The young man nodded. “I built it in my mind.”
“Take it down the same way you built it.”
Slowly, the wall in front of them began to disappear inch by inch from the top down. When it was gone, Kale reached over and placed a hand on his son’s shoulder. “You did very well. But the anger with which the barrier was built must be released.”
Leading the youth into a meditative trance, Kale and Qui-Gon both linked with him, helping him sort through his emotions and discarding them one by one. When Qui-Gon accidentally bumped into a sealed off portion of the teen’s psyche, Obi-Wan panicked and threw the two Jedi from his mind.
Kale caught himself before he was thrown back but Qui-Gon wasn’t so lucky. “What was that?”
When the teen didn’t respond, Qui-Gon tried again, having retaken his place within their three man circle. “Obi-Wan? What is that place?”
“I don’t know,” he lied. “I found it several years ago, but I haven’t dared to open it.”
“Perhaps we should.” Kale replied, knowing that the boy didn’t want to deal with the event.
Obi-Wan shook his head vehemently. “No.”
“Its imperative that we flush it out,” Qui-Gon gently reprimanded. “You can’t keep that inside, Obi-Wan. It must be dealt with.”
"What is it?"
The young man looked at them with pained filled eyes. "The first time I killed."
Much to their credit, the two Jedi remained impassive, concerned, but impassive.
"I thought the dignitary was the only one."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "He was the second."
"Who was the first?"
The teen shook his head, indicating he couldn't answer.
"Show us."
Eyes widened at the implication. "It's been locked away for over six years."
Qui-Gon's eyes narrowed in concern. "How old were you?"
Obi-Wan barely whispered. "Eleven."
Nayt took his nephew with him to a private gathering. It wasn't until they got there the boy realized that they were there to gamble. The older man pushed the boy forward. It was Nayt's intention to cheat by using Obi-Wan's skills to find out what the others were thinking and what hand they held. It was toward the end of the festivity that everything went down hill.
"You cheat!"
"Prove it." Nayt smirked.
Obi-Wan was pulled roughly away from his uncle's side, a blaster digging into the tender flesh of his neck. He struggled to get free but the grasp that held him was too tight. His eyes focused on Nayt, pleading for him to do something. What he heard come from his uncle's lips infuriated him as much as it hurt him.
"Go ahead, he's outlived his usefulness." The elder man turned to walk away when he heard a commotion behind him. Turning, he saw the man who had threatened him fly back to hit the bar. When he looked down where his nephew stood, he saw the boy holding a blaster that was pointed directly at him.
Realizing the boy wasn't thinking properly, Nayt tried to save his own skin. "Good job, Obi-Wan. I knew you'd take care of it." He stepped toward the boy; the blaster primed in response.
A tear fell from the outer corner of the child's eye.
"Obi-Wan, I wasn't really gonna leave. I knew you could take care of yourself. I knew you'd get us out of this."
"LIAR!" The eleven year old pulled the trigger, his anger, hurt, and frustration getting the better of him. The blaster fired. When the child's conscious caught up with what he had done, he dropped the blaster as if it had burned his hand. He looked at Nayt to see the man was standing a few feet from him, unharmed. At his uncle's feet lay a motionless young girl; blood seeping from the hole in her stomach. When Obi-Wan looked back at his uncle, Nayt shrugged nonchalantly and then grinned. "I couldn't let you shoot me; it's a good thing there was a shield nearby."
Obi-Wan shook his head in denial, trying to dispel the image before him. He had killed an innocent child no older than himself. In his anger at his uncle, he had taken a life. His heart shattered; Nayt had finally got what he wanted. Obi-Wan Kenobi was broken."
When the memory was done playing, Kale and Qui-Gon quickly took hold of the scene and the emotions attached to it and dispersed them into the sea of forgetfulness, the force quickly absorbed them as if they had never been. Infusing the boy's mind with light, they proceeded to wash away the remnants, leaving the teen almost relaxed and pliant. There was still much to deal with, but another hurtle had been overcome.
They were about to release their hold on their joined meditation when Obi-Wan reached out and beckoned them to follow him. Towards the middle of their journey, the teen split himself in two and took each master to a separate golden chord hidden in opposite corners of his mind; a protective barrier guarded each one, built by the young man himself. He turned to his guardians and offered a shy smile. For so long I was alone to deal with what life threw my way. He gestured toward the bonds that shone with brilliance. But now, I'm never alone, and sometimes I'm not sure exactly what that means. I’ve never had someone to watch my back before. Not someone who cared.
X
The transport stopped a short distance from the house, the passenger exiting the vehicle gazed around the property as she walked toward the house door. The site was beautiful, nature in all its splendor. Cera had so loved the outdoors. She had been excited upon learning that Kale had purchased the estate, knowing how much his wife had fallen in love with it the moment she laid eyes on it. She talked of raising a family there. It was her wedding present and being a gift, Kale had the estate placed solely in her name. In the event of her death it would pass on to their son. A sound from the rear of the dwelling caught her attention causing her to travel the stone cobbles that led around the side. The sound grew louder the closer she moved toward the back; when she rounded the corner, she stopped. The sight before her was something she had only heard of but had never seen. Two lighsabers clashed, green and blue collided in harsh abandonment as the two combatants battled it out. Her eyes widened slightly when she saw her grandson fighting against a larger man, the two having shed their outer tunics long ago. Obi-Wan's face was creased in concentration, his moves precise. Qui-Gon grinned when the teen managed, for a split second, to catch him off guard. Obi-Wan flipped over the older man to land deftly behind him, lifting his arms quickly to place his blade behind him to block the attack aimed at his back and then turned, gaining the upper hand long enough to go back on the offensive.
"Impressive, isn't it?"
Kana startled at the voice beside her. She looked over to see Kale sitting on the porch swing that hung on the back porch, watching his son and colleague. "What are they doing?" she demanded.
Kale gave her neither an explanation nor a glance. Instead, he asked, "What are you doing here?"
"I came to see my grandson." She started to run forward when Obi-Wan fell but was restrained by a hand on her arm.
"He's a bit busy at the moment."
Jerking her arm out of her son-in-law's hand, she turned to glare at Kale. "What exactly is going on? He should not be participating in this sort of sport. I've heard the stories of what those things can do. They're dangerous!"
A half smirk found its way to the Jedi Master's lips. "Not in the proper hands they're not. Obi-Wan is more than capable of handling the weapon, he's a fast learner. Besides, the blade is set on low. If it hit him it would be no worse than a slight burn."
"I find it unacceptable that you're teaching him the Jedi ways. After all, look where it got my daughter and her son."
A murderous look entered Kale's gaze, and he allowed it to linger long enough for Kana to get a good look before he ruthlessly squashed it. "Because you loved her I will allow you this one last allowance."
It was hard to swallow through a throat tight with fear. Kana realized that she had just overstepped a boundary that Kale would from this moment on fight for. She cleared her throat before asking, "Why hasn’t he been to the house?”
The look Kana received was that of disbelief. “You can’t be serious.” When she merely looked at him for the explanation she expected to receive, Kale leaned back against a wooden support beam that was but once piece of the frame of the deck. “How can you even begin to ask that question after the reception he received from you?”
“Our meeting went rather well.”
“Really? Because he got the impression that you don’t want him.”
“That’s absurd.”
“Is it?” Kale stepped away from the pole and moved closer to her. “What were you expecting exactly when you conjured up this idea of him ruling by your side?” The Jedi waited patiently for an answer, when none was immediately forthcoming, he continued, “Were you expecting a remnant of your ten year old grandson, or a young man changed by circumstance?” When she gave him a confused look, he said, “I assure you the two are quite different. By accepting the younger version, you alienate the older version. In his mind, they are two separate lives, two different people. He was giving you space to decide if you could accept him as he is.”
“What exactly have you been planting in his mind since his visit with me? I gave no such indication that he is not acceptable as he is. I –”
“Not verbally.” Another voice interrupted. Turning to face the person addressing her, Kana’s gaze settled on her grandson. “It was the look in your eyes when I told you about my past.” Obi-Wan looked upon her with sadness. “In this case, actions spoke louder than words.”
“Obi-Wan, I would like to speak with you in private.”
The teen glanced at his father before looking behind him. Qui-Gon walked slowly toward the group, his and Obi-Wan’s tunics hanging over his arm. The two had suddenly stopped sparring when the younger felt his father’s anger and aggravation. Nodding at the two older men, Obi-Wan took his outer tunic from the Jedi master and gestured toward the house.
“After you.”
The young man stopped at the door and motioned for his grandmother to enter the house. When she stepped over the threshold, he waited a moment before following. Leading the way into the common room, Obi-Wan folded his outer tunic in half before draping it across the back of the chair he stood behind.
Kana sat down on the sofa. Her eyes wandered, taking in the simple furnishings and decorations adorning the room. Her daughter's taste in possessions had always been on the unpretentious end of the spectrum.
Obi-Wan gave her a moment to reacquaint herself with their home before prodding her forward. "You said you wanted to speak with me?"
"I wanted to know if you would be returning to the manor."
The teen leaned forward, his hands outstretched, bracing his weight on the back of an oversized chair in front of him. "What reason would I have to go back?"
"Meaning?"
"You made it perfectly clear by your actions that I'm not welcome."
Kana stood and took a few steps toward her grandson. "I was taken aback by your confession. You were right when you said that I had expected my ten year old grandchild to come through the front door, even knowing that you were now eighteen."
She paused to make sure he was listening. He shifted his weight, standing closer to the chair, his hands resting relaxed on the top portion of the cushion that lined the back. When she found that she had his undivided attention, she continued, "I've been stuck in the past; the image I carried of you was forever frozen in time, never aging, never changing. I have had much time to think in your two week absence. You are my grandson, and you are wanted."
"By who?"
"You're not going make this easy are you?"
Obi-Wan half smiled. "Should I?"
"No, I guess not." She released a deep breath of frustration before replying to his question. "Me."
The youth pushed himself away from the chair. "What I said before still stands. I'll come for visits, but I’m not staying at your house. This is my home, besides I've started something I have to see through to completion."
"So, I saw. Why are you taking up Kale's profession? Do you really think your mother wanted that for you? If she did, then why didn't she send you to the Jedi Temple with your father?"
"What my mother would have wanted is irrelevant," the teen stated with conviction. "Don't use her to manipulate me; I have no wish to be around those who would use someone else for their own gain."
"That was not my intention."
"Of course it was." Obi-Wan took a deep breath, one hand resting on his hip while the other lingered about his face, trying to wipe away the aggravation he could feel. After several moments, he lowered his hand and looked at Kana. "I don't want to fight with you. If you're sincere in taking me as I am, then I'd be honored to know you again. But don't try to control me by using those closest to me; you'll lose every time."
"I used to be one of those."
"You could be again."
"Obi-Wan, until you reach the age of majority here on Nyve, I have been appointed as your legal guardian. And as such, I am only doing what I feel is best for you in the long run."
Obi-Wan shook his head in the negative. "Nyve can't hold me, Kana. You're doing what's best for you, what you think will make up for lost time between you and Cera and if that's the case, you're wasting your time."
The elder looked at the young man before her. She had caught the use of her name instead of the idiom he had called her all of his life. Seeing that she was quickly losing control of the situation, bested by an eighteen year old, her features hardened; her tone bordered on desperation.
"If we are to work through our difference, I demand that you live at the manor. The others may have visitation but as your guardian I can see that staying here is not beneficial for you. You will one day rule over this providence and you must learn Nyvian ways in order to succeed."
One eyebrow rose in incredulity. "You demand it?!"
"I think its time for you to leave."
Both Kana and Obi-Wan fell silent at the intrusion. The elder woman met Kale's gaze, his eyes expressing the displeasure with the direction their conversation had taken.
"Obi-Wan, pack your things."
When the young man silently took a step to stand behind his father, his body partially shielded by the large Jedi Master, Kale informed his mother-in-law, "He's staying."
"I will call the officials if I must."
"He wants to stay, Kana. He's staying."
Qui-Gon walked over to Obi-Wan and placed a hand on the, now upset, teen's shoulder and squeezed it gently in support.
"I asked you not to push," the youth uttered.
Gaze shifting from Kale to her grandson, the governess said, "If you would give it a chance, I think you'd find that you could be content with the situation. But instead you're afraid to try."
"Content? I don't want to be just content; I want to be ecstatic with my station in life, something I'm still trying to achieve. And as for being afraid…you're right, I am afraid. I'm afraid of expecting too much of the lot I've been given, of believing that I deserve it. I'm afraid of what will happen when the Jedi Council decides I'm not worth the trouble and tells me to leave. I’m afraid of waking up and finding that this was all just a dream! I'm afraid of waking up and finding that Nayt and Traest still call all the shots and that my life is once again controlled by someone else."
Qui-Gon tried to soothe the youth, but Obi-Wan would have none of it. He shoved the Jedi Master away and made a beeline for his grandmother wanting to make her understand him but was intercepted by his father. When he looked into Kale's worried gaze, he realized that this look was one the Jedi Master wore often. All he could think was that it was his fault. Without further comment, Obi-Wan turned and left the living area, leaving his father and Qui-Gon to make good on their promise to stand by his decision.
"He's made his choice. You know the way out."
"Don't think this is over. He will see that all I want is for him to live the life he was born for, a life he was taken from." Kana turned and walked toward the front door. "The authorities will be in touch."
"How can you seriously say you're trying to do right by him when you're trying to force him into something he says he doesn't want?"
"That's just it, Kale. Obi-Wan doesn't know what he wants because he hasn't had the proper chance to find out what I'm offering him."
"And who's fault is that Kana?"
A smaller hand came to rest on Kale's forearm, effectively silencing any further comments. Looking down the few inches it took to meet her eyes, Kale's brow briefly rose in question.
"Let me." Adjusting the satchel on her arm, Jes walked over to her mother and quietly conversed with the older woman. When Kana nodded her consent, Jes turned to her brother-in-law. "I'll be spending some time at the Bailer estate. I'll be in touch."
"Jes."
"Kale, this is for me as much as it is for Obi-Wan. Nyve is my home; I'd like to get reacquainted." When Kale made to speak, Jes hurriedly finished what she wanted to say. "I'll talk to you soon."
-----signature-----
Update 5/26/08- Chapter 39- Life Beyond the Code (Obi-Wan/Anakin) - http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/20820324 Update 9/3/08- Chapter 26 - Not Myself - (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon/Oc's) - Before the Saga Update 9/3/08 - Part 6 - Strength to Begin Ane
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Valairy_Scot
Title: PT Rewrite Winner
Registered:
Sep '05
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Date Posted:
4/13 7:10pm
Subject:
RE: Not Myself (Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, OC's) Updated 4-13-08 / Chap. 20
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And so we move on...
They were about to release their hold on their joined meditation when Obi-Wan reached out and beckoned them to follow him. Towards the middle of their journey, the teen split himself in two and took each master to a separate golden chord hidden in opposite corners of his mind; a protective barrier guarded each one, built by the young man himself. He turned to his guardians and offered a shy smile. For so long I was alone to deal with what life threw my way. He gestured toward the bonds that shone with brilliance. But now, I'm never alone, and sometimes I'm not sure exactly what that means. I’ve never had someone to watch my back before. Not someone who cared.
Nicely done.
You're not going make this easy are you?"
Obi-Wan half smiled. "Should I?"
"No, I guess not." She released a deep breath of frustration before replying to his question. "Me."
The youth pushed himself away from the chair. "What I said before still stands. I'll come for visits, but I’m not staying at your house. This is my home, besides I've started something I have to see through to completion."
"So, I saw. Why are you taking up Kale's profession? Do you really think your mother wanted that for you? If she did, then why didn't she send you to the Jedi Temple with your father?"
"What my mother would have wanted is irrelevant," the teen stated with conviction. "Don't use her to manipulate me; I have no wish to be around those who would use someone else for their own gain."
"That was not my intention."
"Of course it was." Obi-Wan took a deep breath, one hand resting on his hip while the other lingered about his face, trying to wipe away the aggravation he could feel. After several moments, he lowered his hand and looked at Kana. "I don't want to fight with you. If you're sincere in taking me as I am, then I'd be honored to know you again. But don't try to control me by using those closest to me; you'll lose every time."
He's stubborn and he's speaking for himself - what he feels and wants. I like that.
-----signature-----
http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25405090/p3/?52 Prolific Author thread: list & links there. A million wins; a gazillion "also rans" - not bad at all! So very honored. Thank you!
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Gkilkenny
Registered:
Mar '04
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Date Posted:
4/14 12:18am
Subject:
RE: Not Myself (Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, OC's) Updated 4-13-08 / Chap. 20
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Both Kana and Obi-Wan fell silent at the intrusion. The elder woman met Kale's gaze, his eyes expressing the displeasure with the direction their conversation had taken.
"Obi-Wan, pack your things."
When the young man silently took a step to stand behind his father, his body partially shielded by the large Jedi Master, Kale informed his mother-in-law, "He's staying."
"I will call the officials if I must."
"He wants to stay, Kana. He's staying."
Qui-Gon walked over to Obi-Wan and placed a hand on the, now upset, teen's shoulder and squeezed it gently in support.
"I asked you not to push," the youth uttered.
Kana will loose him, she doesn't understand he has been forced to do almost everything in his young life. Now he knows he cannot be forced
well done
-----signature-----
Padawan to p_stotts
Peace over anger - honour over hate - Strength over fear.
Links to Stories in my Bio. Obi-Wan forever.
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jedidas3
Registered:
Apr '07
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Date Posted:
4/14 4:46am
Subject:
RE: Not Myself (Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, OC's) Updated 4-13-08 / Chap. 20
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It always thrills me when I come in and see an update on this wonderful story! What a powerful update. I have to admire Obi for standing up for the person he wants to be, but circumstances seem to be against him. I can't wait to see where you're heading with this. You have such an incredible gift with words. Thanks for sharing your talent with us! 
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VaderLVR64
Title: Fan Fic Manager Digging out from Fay
Registered:
Feb '04
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Date Posted:
4/15 6:13am
Subject:
RE: Not Myself (Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, OC's) Updated 4-13-08 / Chap. 20
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They were about to release their hold on their joined meditation when Obi-Wan reached out and beckoned them to follow him. Towards the middle of their journey, the teen split himself in two and took each master to a separate golden chord hidden in opposite corners of his mind; a protective barrier guarded each one, built by the young man himself. He turned to his guardians and offered a shy smile. For so long I was alone to deal with what life threw my way. He gestured toward the bonds that shone with brilliance. But now, I'm never alone, and sometimes I'm not sure exactly what that means. I’ve never had someone to watch my back before. Not someone who cared.
Beautifully done as always!
-----signature-----
If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories.
They call me NANA Vader.
At least she doesn't lack confidence...
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dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
4/15 9:24am
Subject:
RE: Not Myself (Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, OC's) Updated 4-13-08 / Chap. 20
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I'm glad that Obi-Wan finally let his grandmother know just where she stood and that everyone else backed him up.
Obi-Wan took a deep breath before leaning forward to hug his father, a gesture he suddenly felt unsure of. Despite what his father had just told him, a part of him wondered if Kale would reject him the way his grandmother just had. When Kale’s arms surrounded him in a protective circle, any doubt that lingered vanished into thin air. For the first time in a long while, he felt safe from the harsh reality of life.
Obi-Wan still didn’t know why he continued to test his father’s patience or endurance where he was concerned. He only knew that when times like this came about, as few as they were, Kale proved himself again and again. He felt buoyed by his father’s words. For whatever reason, Kale believed in him and like Jes, believed in the man he could be but more importantly, his father accepted him as he currently was.
This was very sweet.
Good job.
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silverfighter
Registered:
Apr '07
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Date Posted:
4/20 2:10pm
Subject:
RE: Not Myself (Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, OC's) Updated 4-13-08 / Chap. 20
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Nayt had finally got what he wanted. Obi-Wan Kenobi was broken.
Wow, I feel so bad for him. What a life to have led.
Jes is taking Obi-Wan's place? That's good of her. But still, now he won't get to see her that often.
Nice update. Thanks for the PM!
-----signature-----
Master to Ferus-Olin and JediJumper. ~(*)~ "You believe there is one God. Good! Even the devils believe that--and shudder." -James 2:19
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bek
Registered:
Jul '05
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Date Posted:
4/20 7:29pm
Subject:
RE: Not Myself (Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, OC's) Updated 4-13-08 / Chap. 20
- Date Edited:
4/21 7:59am (1 edits total)
Edited By:
bek
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Valairy_Scot He's stubborn and he's speaking for himself - what he feels and wants. I like that.
He's learning to speak up.
Gkilkenny Kana will loose him, she doesn't understand he has been forced to do almost everything in his young life. Now he knows he cannot be forced.
Obi-Wan will soon learn of her motives.
jedidas3 It always thrills me when I come in and see an update on this wonderful story!
The feeling is mutual!
I have to admire Obi for standing up for the person he wants to be, but circumstances seem to be against him.
The circumstance surrounding everything is what is leading Kana to hasten.
I can't wait to see where you're heading with this.
Me neither!
You have such an incredible gift with words. Thanks for sharing your talent with us!
You are very kind!
VaderLVR64 Beautifully done as always!
Thank you!
dianethx I'm glad that Obi-Wan finally let his grandmother know just where she stood and that everyone else backed him up.
He understands that he needs guidance and unconsciously he expects it from his father, Qui-Gon, and Jes, but to be told how to live and that his future is already mapped out without his input or consent is what has led to his rebellion against Kana.
silverfighter Wow, I feel so bad for him. What a life to have led.
He didn't have it easy.
Chapter 21
Qui-Gon stood outside on the back deck watching the teen go through a series of katas he had learned only that morning. There was no denying the boy was a natural. The Jedi's thoughts roamed back to Kana Bailer as he watched the young man soar into an aerial maneuver. He couldn't understand the motive that was driving the elder woman. If it was only to have Obi-Wan rule over her providence in the event she were unable to do so, then why was she demanding that the boy live with her? Obi-Wan could learn what he needed just as easily living anywhere else on the planet. There had to be something else, but what was driving her? Was it greed, the need for control, the need to have a piece of her daughter back, the desire to hurt Kale for what she deemed a wrong done unto herself and Cera? When he first heard of her demands, he had sought the force on the matter but walked away from his meditation with more questions than answers. And what was to become of Obi-Wan? He was talented, no doubt, but would the Council see that and think it enough to train him? The boy had been forced once to use his skills against the good of the republic. What would happen if someone or something more sinister came into the picture, forcing the boy to do far more than the mediocre crimes Nayt and Traest had favored, not that they hadn't left the boy with emotional and physical scars because they had. And now it was his and Kale’s mess to clean up.
The youth was trying; Qui-Gon had to give him that. There were good days, days when the teen would readily involve himself in the family and friends around him. But there were also days when they weathered the storm that began brewing seven years prior, courtesy of Nayt and his partner. During these days, the young man would purposely try to alienate everyone around him. At times, it was like a switch had been flipped. He just wished that they could break through the sense of abandonment Obi-Wan felt and harbored when he thought both his parents dead. Then there was the sense of rejection. The young man had never been shown acceptance by the male figure in the home he grew up in, his aunt being the only person to show him unconditional love. And there was the matter of anger at having endured the abuse of the two male figures in his life, both physical and emotional. It was no wonder the teen flinched whenever he or Kale forgot themselves and were carried away in their hand gestures when relating information.
Qui-Gon had explained to Kale in certain terms that they needed to be more careful when relating to the teen, at least, until the boy came to the firm conclusion that they would never purposely harm him. The young man paused in his exercises, hands on hips, chest heaving with the exertion of the katas he had just performed. He walked a circle and then slowed, his eyes looking toward the sky above. Qui-Gon folded his arms across his chest and waited. The brief work out had done the youth some good: his mind was now calm, his thoughts not the erratic gale they had been just moments ago. Sitting down on the porch swing, the Jedi watched the young man approach the back porch. Obi-Wan looked at Qui-Gon, seemingly in thought for a moment before he moved toward the swing and sat down. It amazed the elder man how comfortable the silence was between them. They stared off into the distance, watching the grass sway in the breeze. A subtle shift next to him caused Qui-Gon to turn and look at the youth.
“It doesn’t make sense.” Obi-Wan glanced at his mentor before turning back to the acreage that spread out before them.
“What doesn’t make sense?”
“Nayt’s family lives on Nyve. He kept in contact with them but refused Jes to speak with her mother. If Kana was so concerned with my well being, why didn’t she try to find me through them? They may be a rather shady lot, but if she was determined enough I’m sure she could have discovered something.”
“Perhaps she tried. She did know some about the circumstances you endured.”
The teen shrugged. “Maybe.” Obi-Wan was quiet a moment, thinking of how to put his thoughts into words. “I get the feeling that she’s not being completely honest. There’s something she’s not telling us.” The young man rubbed a hand across his face before adding. “I don’t know maybe I’m just thinking stuff up to discredit her.”
“Never doubt your feelings, young one.”
X
Jes stood behind Kana as she answered the door chime.
“Kana.” A deep voice greeted. Jes moved to slightly to the right to better view the individual speaking with her mother.
“Gawain.” The name was spoken with animosity and resentment.
Mr. Kalar smirked. His eyes averted past her to take in the sight of his former daughter-in-law. His gaze narrowed in contempt. “So, you finally returned.”
“Not that it’s any of your business,” Kana supplied.
Ignoring the elder woman, Kalar asked, “Where is that brat of a child Nayt had thrust upon him?”
“Why are you here, Gawain?” Kana’s features were stern, her tone firm in its demand.
“I was informed of their return; I thought I’d come see for myself.” Gawain looked almost put out by the fact that he had been told the truth. “I hope you're happy with yourself. Nayt was my only son." Turning toward the elder woman, he added, "You do realize that you only have three years to turn things around, Kana.”
“I am perfectly aware,” she ground out, her jaw tight, teeth clenched. With a look toward her daughter from the corner of her eye, she relayed perfectly that there were some who knew nothing of what they spoke.
A feral smile spread across the man’s lips. “I heard Traest taught you some new lessons, Jes. Care to share?”
The younger woman smirked, her demeanor calm, steady, and somewhat threatening. “I don’t think you could handle it.”
Somewhat thrown by the fact that he hadn’t been able to get beneath the woman’s skin, Gawain quickly replied with a wink. “Why don’t we find out.”
“It’s time you leave. Good day, Mr. Kalar.” Kana shut the door without waiting for a reply and turned to face her daughter. “Don’t listen to him, dear. He’s a chauvinistic pig.”
“If Nayt were still alive, I would kill him for ever having told his father the liberties he allowed Traest in regard to us.” The younger woman took a step back toward the living area when her mother came to stand at her side.
“Come, let us have dinner.”
Jes ate little, instead stealing glances at her mother across the dinner table. Kana seemed oblivious to the scrutiny, but her daughter knew better. The younger woman wondered why it was that her mother was being so insistent that her grandson come under her guidance. Jes believed that she missed him; she believed that her mother had – from a certain point of view – Obi-Wan’s best interest at heart. But to demand the young man leave his father just when they were starting to rebuild, albeit slowly, their relationship was not understandable. Her mother was a hard woman, she would not deny that, but she was also the best person to have on your side in a crisis. Jes knew her mother loved her, even with the tension currently between them. But she would be a fool to not remember that Cera had been their mother’s favorite. Jes didn’t begrudge Cera in any way; her younger sister had been a source of light in every life she touched.
The silence was beginning to grate on Jes’s nerves. “Is this the way it is to be?”
The elder woman placed her eating utensils on the plate and looked over to her daughter. “Clarify.”
“Are we not going to speak to each other?”
“There’s much we have both missed, Jes. Much we no longer know of the other.”
Jes pushed her plate aside. “Precisely the reason we should talk, to relearn that which we have forgotten.” When Kana didn’t debate the suggestion, the younger woman plunged ahead. “Why was it so important that I marry Nayt?”
A house servant entered the dining area, silently removing the dishes from the table. “Let's go to the living room.”
When both women were comfortably seated in the chairs of their choice, Kana gathered her thoughts before speaking. When she did, the words were not what Jes expected to hear. “I am truly sorry for all that you and Obi-Wan suffered under Kalar’s care. If I had known what kind of man he would have turned out to be, I would have fought harder against the marriage.”
“Fought against?” Jes was confused. “You arranged the ceremony and the terms with the Kalar clan. You practically hand delivered me on a silver platter.”
“I did, but only after I learned that there was no other alternative.” Kana looked at her daughter with saddened eyes. “If you’ll remember, your father was the most selfless man I have ever known. But when his brother got into some financial trouble with the Kalar’s, your father ran into a situation that was too much for even him to take care of. When Gawain Kalar suggested a merger of our two families through marriage, your father valiantly refused the proposal.”
Kana leaned forward and placed a hand over her daughter’s. “Please believe me when I tell you that we did everything we could. When Gawain informed your father that Cerdic would pay his debt with his life, Jole gave in. Since you were the oldest, we arranged for you to marry Gawain’s only son. From your interactions with him, we truly believed that he would be more honorable than his father, but we were wrong. I didn’t know the truth of what he was capable of until I began hearing of your plight. I tried numerous times to discover your whereabouts, but the Kalar’s were rather tightlipped about the whole thing except for the ill-treatment you were suffering; they rather enjoyed those details. I always thought that if a chance arose, you and Obi-Wan would leave him and return home. We tightened security at the space port, making certain that if Nayt returned he would be arrested at once.”
“Along with myself and Kale.”
“I was certain if Kale returned to Nyve that you and Obi-wan would be with him, or he would know how to contact you.”
“How? All of these years we thought he was dead.”
“After you left, I had the other body examined. Needless to say, it wasn’t Kale’s.”
“We saw Cera’s body but we never asked to see Kale’s. The timeframe coincided with his home coming and we never thought to ask. Obi-Wan believed that Kale had died alongside his mother; we had no reason to doubt him.”
The light through the window, bathing the room in a radiant glow, slowly began to diminish as evening descended. Rising from her chair, Jes turned on some lights and then returned to her seat. A house worker brought them some refreshments, quickly returning to her work. The younger woman slowly sipped at the confection within her mug before saying softly, “I did love him. Sometimes I feel as though I betrayed us both by simply loving him. He was kind in the beginning and he truly did love Obi-Wan; he often spoke of having children, but one thing or another kept that from happening.”
“Was there ever a chance when you could have left?”
“There were many. And as ridiculous as it may sound, it was more comfortable to stay where we knew the rules and what was expected than to try to make it on our own, even to get back home. In a weird sense, with all the disagreements and all the fights between Obi-Wan and Nayt, they both held onto the love of an uncle and nephew; without knowing it, they clung to the past. It wasn’t until Nayt was dying that Obi-Wan realized it, and he hates himself for feeling anything for the person responsible for how his life turned out.”
Jes’s gaze caught her mother’s and held fast, confusion causing her brow to crease as she remembered something. “Why did Mr. Kalar indicate that you only had three years to turn it all around? Turn what around, Mother?”
“I was hoping you had somehow missed that." Kana had sincerely wanted to keep the situation private and had hoped that all would turn out well, but with her grandson refusing to even consider what she had offered, she saw that she had no choice but to explain her actions. "When your father died, he left everything to Obi-Wan, provided he take his place as ruler when he turns twenty-one. You remember how fond he was of his grandson; the two were inseparable. If he refuses what Jole left him, we’ll lose everything, and your father’s distant cousin, Marius, will take over. He is rather entangled with the Kalar family; can you imagine what will become of this providence if Gawain has his way?”
“Father left the providence to Marius?”
“Don’t misunderstand me. We will be well taken care of, but the land that we have ruled over for many generations will no longer be in our family. Gawain already has assurances that Marius will hand it over.”
“Why not tell this to Obi-Wan instead of alienating him? If you explained, I know he would help you.”
“I don’t want to burden him into a decision. I want him to want to take the reigns.”
“But that’s not what you’re doing. Mother, you’re forcing him to choose between you and Kale and he’s retreating from you because of it. You are unknowingly pushing him right into Kale’s hands, helping to mend the rift between them because he’s looking to his father to make this right. If you press him for an answer before he’s ready, don’t count on him coming to you.”
“What do I do?”
“Tell them the truth. You would be amazed at the resources Kale and Qui-Gon have backing them. There may be a way out of this.”
Some time later, Kana nodded her agreement. She would tell Kale and Obi-Wan the truth, but wondered at the cost of doing so.
X
Having spoken with Qui-Gon helped him clear his mind of the thoughts that had been circling like vultures waiting for any scraps he might throw their way. After the elder Jedi retired into the house, Obi-Wan walked the grounds, restless with his thoughts. He had escaped the conflict with his grandmother but felt guilty for leaving Kale to deal with her. A light brush against his mind assured him he had no need to feel accountable for wanting to flee the situation. He needed to get away; finding the speeder parked near the house he hopped in, started the engine and sped off. He didn’t know where he was going, just that he wanted to be free of everything and everyone. He wove through the countryside, the speeder coming to an abrupt halt upon an area he remembered well. His breathing became ragged, his heart beat furiously and his hands trembled.
The area had been cleared of any memory of the mishap long ago, but in his minds eye he saw it all as if it had just happened. He exited the speeder, his eyes seeing the destruction the transport had left behind: ruts in the grass when it flipped end over end, broken pieces of the vehicle that had come loose and fallen to the ground, glass shards from the windshield having shattered, tiny slivers cutting into his skin.
Unconsciously he walked toward the tree the speeder had finally come to rest upon. The tree trunk was badly scarred, a deep weathered dent in the side that bark no longer covered. He ran his fingers over the roughened indention, pulling his hand back as if the very contact had hurt.
Images flashed through his mind, some a moving holo while others were snippets from an old picture album. He swallowed, his throat aching with the motion. He tried to suppress the memory now rising within his mind's eye (the one he had shared with his father during his first weeks at the Temple) but lost the battle when it battered through his resistance, insistent on reminding him of what he had lost. He stumbled back, lowering himself to the ground in a half attempt to keep from falling.
"Obi, get down!" Cera yelled, shading her eyes with one hand.
The boy looked out the front window to see what his mother was upset about, but was blinded by the bright light shining into the speeder.
He felt a hand push him down, holding him still. He struggled to free himself from the grip when the speeder swerved. He heard durasteel bend and creak and glass shattered as the impact of whatever had hit them threw the vehicle into a spin. He heard his mother scream, her concern only for his well-being. The transport flipped once, twice and he was thrown to the side, landing on grass and pebbled rocks, his head bouncing off a hard surface beneath it while his leg folded unnaturally beneath him. He heard the vehicle tumble down an embankment and tried to lift his head to see if his mother was okay. He pushed himself to his feet, his knee protesting the movement, and started running after the speeder screaming for his mother to answer him. The vehicle finally ceased its movement, coming to rest against a tree.
"MOM!" he stumbled and slid down the hill side. When he reached the bottom, he stood and upon doing so cried in pain: his leg would no longer support his weight. Why, he didn't know. He only knew that he hurt. Crawling over to the vehicle, he ducked beneath it to find his mother but she was no longer there. He called her name over and over again but there was no answer. His vision blurred and he grew dizzy. Staying where he was for the moment, he raised his hands to hold his head when a sharp pain raced through the back of his skull. He felt a warm sticky substance on his hair and pulled his hand away to see a crimson stain. Panicking, he screamed for his mother again. His vision began to fade, darkness starting at the corners of his vision and moving inward. The last thing he remembered was seeing emergency vehicle lights from up above.
Obi-Wan pulled one knee up to rest an elbow against it, his head on his hand. He had had seven years to come to terms with his mother’s death, so why hadn’t he recovered from her loss? It seemed that things just kept happening to remind him of what he had lost instead of what he had gained. The revving of an engine behind him did little to change his current focus. It wasn’t until someone came to stand a few feet away from him that he decided to take notice.
“I was passing by and thought I’d stop to see if you needed help…." Gawain stopped when he saw the boy’s features.
The teen's eyes widened when he saw the face before him, his mouth moving but unable to produce sound. He started moving back, his hands and feet scrambling to get him as far away from this specter as they could.
“Impossible,” he whispered.
A voice chuckled. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, kid.”
“You’re dead.”
The figure looked over himself as if inspecting the validity of that fact. “Apparently not.”
The older man bitterly smirked, catching onto the boy’s line of thinking. “Ah…I see. You think I’m him.”
When Obi-Wan looked at him confused, Gawain took a step forward and knelt down in front of the young man. “So how did it feel to kill my boy?”
The youth shook his head frantically. “I…I didn’t. Traest did.”
“You were the catalyst, just as you were for your own mother’s death.”
“NO!” Obi-Wan sprang to his feet with a cry of denial, pushing the older man back. "It was an accident! The vehicle failed."
Kalar stumbled and laughed. "Transports do tend to malfunction now don't they?" A cruel smile curved his lips.
An alarm went off in the teen's mind but he couldn't quite grasp what it was trying to tell him. Before he could respond, Gwain continued, “And if you think you’ve finally found home, think again. They’ll turn on you when you least expect it.” He took a threatening step forward. "Leave Nyve while you still can, lad. There's nothing for you here anymore."
Obi-Wan quickly turned and walked back to his transport, leaving the older man behind. He didn’t reply to the man’s taunt because the very words hinted at the fear he held within himself. How could he deny what he thought could possibly one day be the truth?
“When you least expect it, Kenobi!” Gawain called out from behind him.
Obi-Wan waved a hand over his shoulder not bothering to turn around. He half smiled when he heard an oomph! from behind him, indicating one object had hit another. Climbing into the speeder, the teen left and didn’t look back.
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