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Author	Topic: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst Updated 8/29
JediKaren Registered: Apr '07	Date Posted: 4/4 10:18am Subject: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst Updated 8/29 - Date Edited: 8/29 6:53am (13 edits total) Edited By: JediKaren
	Title: Healing Hearts Author: JediKaren Timeframe: prior to the Phantom Menace Characters: Yoda, SaraFire, and minor other characters. Genre: OC, drama, angst, H/C, pre-TPM Summary: Sarafire is a 12 year old trainee who has lost all hope to being a Jedi and has turn to self destruct herself. By an accident she attracts the attention, care, and admiration of Master Yoda, who hopes her gain all she ever wanted. Disclaimer: GL gets all the credit for all star wars characters. -----signature----- Bring Light Into Darkness Reaching Through Darkness: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28415147/p1/?0 Healing Hearts: http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28282728/p1
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JediKaren Registered: Apr '07	Date Posted: 4/4 10:20am Subject: RE: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst - Date Edited: 4/4 11:31am (1 edits total) Edited By: JediKaren
	Sarafire was a clumsy, awkward girl, stumbling into adolescent hood. She was not a popular or liked girl for her long limbs that seemed to get everywhere, at the worst times, in the worst places. She was known to trip or be easily scared and would drop or break anything around her. Anything in her hands would be damaged beyond repair. While she was weak to moderator in the most skills of the Force, she had an unusual strength in telekinesis that was the cause behind all the accidents. It had been long known that troubled and strongly emotional children, generally around Sarafire’s age were prone to telekinetic outbursts that would send out a powerful wave of the Force through the room and cause everything to fall over and usually break. The teachers taught control of oneself and in the Force. Yet, no one knew why Sarafire was prone to them. To the average eye of a Jedi, she seemed well controlled enough. She was polite, quiet, and shy. In class she only talked when called on, never venturing anything else. Yet it was obvious she was smart and had a real flare for writing and expressing the exact point the teacher wanted the students to get. She, unfortunately, was a mastermind of mind control. The mind control she practiced was not the normal type that involved making people think something else by using the Force. She didn’t need the Force. She knew the act of acting and convincing everyone through words and actions that things were ok. But to the eye of someone who ventured to look deeper, she couldn’t be any more troubled or upset. She had learned to hate the world she lived it, the other students she studied with, and the person she was. In her eyes she could do nothing right. In truth, she was the center of teasing and cruel jokes that children tell another to gain popularity and push the weaker ones down. Each day seemed to be another battle in a war to wear her down. Kids took turns trying to scare her or trip her. Her knees and elbows were covered in bruises and bumps from the many falls. She had learned to keep her head down and never look at anyone in the eye, fearing to anger them or inspire malevolence plans. Jedi were taught by so called wiser Jedi that evil acts were wrong and hatred was forbidden, but those things still went on among the students. Sarafire didn’t want to blame the teachers for not interfering. She was too respectful of their superior wisdom to feel anything negative to them. She felt this was her fault and the pain she daily suffered was her punishment for failing in the Force. For the last year the self pain and doubt had grown to new heights as she started to realize she would never become a Jedi. She went from lesson to lesson, steadily performing worse as the months went by. At one point she was the head of her class, but she had dropped pass the half way point. She no longer cared for what the teachers taught. The lessons were designed to help the students become apprentices and ultimately become knights. So she argued with herself, why learn things she’ll never be able to do? The teachers didn’t see it this way and tried to push her further. They called on her more, gave her more work to do, scolded her more, and generally made her feel worse. Her grade reports were full of complaints about lack of contention, no will or drive, rarely turning in homework, and doing poorly on tests. Sarafire was desperately waiting for the day they would end this misery and cast her out of the temple. In the mean time the pain had gotten too much for her to handle so she turned to the only release of the internal pain the raged her soul. The pain that she carried had somehow made her feel numb, like she had lost the ability to feel anything other than pain and at times, the pain didn’t feel like pain. She had found a sharp, small razor blade in one of the shower stalls and had accidentally cut herself on the arm a year ago. She remembered ever so clearly watching tiny beads of red blood form and drip down her skin. The pain, she remember, was a blessing. The sharp sting reminded her she was still alive and at some level, she could feel. Since that day, there were cuts and pale thin scars all over her arms, showing the many times she found herself in need of the reminder. She knew all too well the Jedi did not approve of this method of pain management. They would have suggested therapy, exercise, meditation, and trust the Force. She had tried all those suggestions, and none of them helped her get from day to day. She was careful with her clothing and always making sure her arms were covered and no one touched her self inflicted wounds. She had just turned twelve a few days ago and the anger was building. She shattered the window in her dorm room the day after her birthday because a boy teased her about never becoming a Jedi. The dorm master gave her a mandatory meditation session. She spent the time sitting on the floor asleep and then quieting telling the master how much peace she had found during the meditation and sweetly thanked him, while stifling a yawn. But today she found herself rushing through the halls with a stack of datapads in her balances, being scarcely balanced with the Force. She had overslept that morning and had five minutes to get to her class. She blindly turned a corner, not paying attention to her near by surrounding and promptly smacked into something that felt like a Force shield. The impact of the crash caused her to fall backwards on her bottom and the datapads went flying. It took her a few seconds to clear her head to see who she had run into and to her great fear and surprise, it was Master Yoda. For ten seconds, all she could do was stare at him, open mouth, pale, and unable to think or move. She recovered enough to become aware of the laughter kids near by were making. A scared, pink blush rose on her stretched cheeks. The acient Jedi Master walked up to her and offered his three clawed hand. Embarresd by what she had done, she ignored his hand and scrambled up on her own. Sarafire looked around to see the datapads all over the hall and turned to the small Jedi. “I-I’m so, so, sorry Master Yoda! I didn’t see you coming! I hope you’re not hurting! I really am sorry! Please forgive me! If you don’t mind, I need to get to next cla-” She had collected all the datapads while rushing her words out, never looking up at him. She felt too horrible to look at him, unable to face the inevitable lecture he would give about slowing down and looking where she was going. She was entirely sick of such lectures and particularly didn’t want to hear it from him. Sarafire was about to rush off again to her next class when a small green hand reached out and grabbed her leg. She was in mid stride when he made his move and she felt ungracefully on her face. She winced at the pain in her knees as they crashed onto the hard floor. The datapads went flying again. This is it. I’m going to be kicked out. I’ve angered him and now he’s going to tell me to leave and never come back. I’m a horrible person. I can’t do anything right. I hate myself. Instead of another scolding as she was prepared to get, the green hand was offered to her again, this time lowered to her face. She took the hand and got herself off the ground. Despite the relief she felt, knowing this was the end, tears sprang up in her eyes. “Pain you feel?” She nodded, trying hard not to cry any more than she already was. “Inside?” Again, she nodded, hoping she would not be able to talk about her sad, unworthy life. “Excuse me Master, but I’m already late for my class and the teacher said that if I’m late again, she’s going to fail me. So I really need to-” “Come with me.” She found herself being silent. Her face was wet and her eyes red with the sorrow that clearly marked her soul to someone who knew how to look. The Grand Master of the Jedi Order turned around and started walking the opposite direction of her class. For two seconds, she stood there, confused and uncertain as if to follow him or not. She was not looking forward to facing an angry math teacher, but then again she had made a complete fool of herself in front of the most important, most respected being in the order. The Jedi drilled in her brain to trust the Force. The Force told her to follow the little green Jedi. Sarafire took a deep breath and began, unknowingly, in the opposite direction of a most certain doom. -----signature----- Bring Light Into Darkness Reaching Through Darkness: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28415147/p1/?0 Healing Hearts: http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28282728/p1
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Gkilkenny Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 4/4 4:43pm Subject: RE: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst
	It is nice to read a story where Yoda actually takes the time to help an initiate. I wonder where he is taking her. -----signature----- Padawan to p_stotts Peace over anger - honour over hate - Strength over fear. Links to Stories in my Bio. Obi-Wan forever.
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Alasse_Earfalas Registered: Mar '08	Date Posted: 4/4 8:58pm Subject: RE: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst
	Aw, poor Sarafire!! I wonder what Yoda will do to help her? Wonderful story! PM me when you update!! -----signature----- Padawan of TrulyGhent & LilyHobbitJedi I O.B. The Young Grasshopper http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=28829920 "The One Below" Emerges http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28281112
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earlybird-obi-wan Registered: Aug '06	Date Posted: 4/4 9:20pm Subject: RE: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst
	Nice story and with Yoda helping will be a great one to follow (PM please) -----signature----- writer and Star Wars fan FANART [link=http://boards.theforce.net/fan_art/b10020/25793899]fanart[/link] stories in my bio
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JediKaren Registered: Apr '07	Date Posted: 4/6 12:19am Subject: RE: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst - Date Edited: 4/6 12:20am (1 edits total) Edited By: JediKaren
	Thank you all very much for reading the story. I will start a pm list. Just let me know if you want to be added. Here is an update. Sarafire did not the Jedi that slowly walked in front of her very well. It was mostly because Master Yoda did not know her well either. He was supposed to know every Jedi who roamed the halls of the Jedi Temple, yet she had managed to fall between the cracks of the numerous beings who lived, eat, slept, and studied together. Of course he made rounds through all the classes of the younglies, but her classes rare found him. In truth, there were classes he visited more often, usually the best of the students. She was not envious of this fact, but merely understood there were too many of the Jedi for him to know and she had gone unnoticed until now. For the few times he did teach one of her Force or lightsaber classes, he seemed to not notice her. She was never called on by him and only talked to if she made a mistake. She was not the best or the worse in any of her classes, but when it came to the Force, she came in the last five. Even in telekinesis training, she had little control and a lot of power that earned her many saying about focusing her mind and calming her inner soul. She never really understood what he meant by it. She was able to get away with her confusion with careful acting of her mind and body. Until now, she was convinced she had fooled him along with the others that all was right with her. Sarafire wasn’t sure where she was going. Master Yoda was leading her down a hall she didn’t recognize until they stopped at one door. It was then a flash of memory rush before her eyes. She must have been five years old when she last stood at this door. She was very small, skinny, and had shining blond hair. She was with several other children her age, who she dared to call friends. It was play hour and the children had decided to go on an adventure. She hadn’t been sure about leaving the playroom, but the teacher wasn’t there and the door was unlocked. The five children, counting her, had decided to explore more of the temple in a hall that they knew nothing about. It was said that Master Yoda lived at the end of the hall and many stories were spun about what his room looked like and what happened if one went into the room. Sarafire had been scared by the stories of monsters and objects so powerful in the Force that they could destroy you. She had argued against going, but she wasn’t able to convince the others. So off the five children went. The walk to the mysterious hall seemed to be a long one to the five year old Sarafire with her short legs. There were many stop along the way as the children were questioned by many knights and masters as to what they were doing. The children cheerfully answered that they were on an adventure to an unknown hall. Many of the Jedi smiled in a kind way to the small children and let them continued. Sarafire wondered why the Jedi didn’t send them back to the safe playroom instead of letting them risk their lives. Half an hour later the children reached to the final hall and looked down past the many stones. There was a simple metal door at the end with no title or carvings to indict who lived there. There was also no one in the hall. The children stood at the end of the hall, listening carefully for any monsters. For a moment there was nothing to hear until a clear, loud yell, followed by words the children did not recognize came from beyond the door. Poor Sarafire was scared by the sound and nearly fled back to the playroom. The other children were equally as scared, but they were trying very hard not to show it. With whispers, the children slowly crept up to the door, prepared to run of the monster were to suddenly jump out from behind the door. They had reached the door and were whispering about if they should open the door. After much arguing, which Sarafire lost again, it was decided that one brave boy press the button to open the door and reveal the monster. The young child was trembling as he reached over his head and pressed the red, glowing button. Again a silence followed as the door slid open. Another huge yell could be heard from beyond the door followed by more words which Sarafire later found out to be curse words. All five children screamed, certain it was the monster and four of them ran as fast as their little legs could carry. Sarafire was the only child left. She was too scared to move and all she could do was stand there, shaking like a leaf, waiting for the terrible monster to jump out and kill her. Instead of a monster, the Master Yoda came out from the dark shadows of the room with a scowling face until he saw who stood there by his door. Suddenly, his frown turned into a smile and his spirit lifted with a kind joy. Sarafire looked beyond him for the monster and saw something behind the Jedi. She was dead sure it was the monster and began to cry in a helpless sort of way. Master Yoda looked behind him to see what had caused the girl to cry and saw a cleaning droid. He smiled again and calmed her down. He showed her the monster was really just an annoying droid who bumped into everything, including him, and was the cause of the loud noises. When she had dried her tears and drank a cup of hot, calming tea, she was lead back by him to her teacher, feeling a lot better and safer. She gasped out loud as the memory finished and she flew back to present time. Here she was seven years later, feeling much like the last time. Only this time, she knew there was no droid acting like a monster. The monster was still there, lurking behind the innocent looking walls, but the monster was much more abstract this time. The monster was not in any concrete form, but shaped in a swirl mass of fear and anger. Again, she found herself starting to shake and the need to run was growing stronger each step she took. Master Yoda noticed her emotional and physical reaction and stopped before he pressed the same old red, glowing button. He looked up at her taller form and smiled slightly at her. “No monster you will find. Nor an annoying droid for me to yell at. Come, there is nothing to fear.” She stared, purely in shock at him. She did not expect him to remember that event all those years ago. She began to wonder if the Master knew more about her than she had shown and furthermore why she was being lead to his chamber. The door slid open as she finished her questions and the little Jedi walked into his room. She walked in, peering around very quickly to make sure her childish fears were really false. There was no monster or droid to be found as promised. The room was dark due to the pulled down shades. There were two meditation pads, a table, and one self with a few items she knew nothing about. The Jedi Master walked to one of the meditation pads and gestured for her to follow suit. She sat down and watched for a moment as the Jedi before her closed his eyes and began to meditate. It was then she remembered she was to meditate as well and shut her eyes. She had no fondness for meditation, mostly due to her failure of closing off all her thoughts and only feeling the Force. She could feel the Force well enough, but it was the thought part that gave her trouble. For a while she tried her hardest to meditate, but in the end she sighed and gave up. Sarafire opened her eyes to look at a curious Master Yoda looking at her. She blushed as she realized she had sighed out loud and started to think of what she might say to cover her mistake. She did not have to as the master spoke before her. “Troubled you are. Very troubled. Emotions swirl around you. You are unhappy with yourself.” She opened her mouth to protest against the accusation, but closed her mouth. She had to wonder how he knew that in such a short time when she had said nearly nothing to hint that. “Oh no. Nothing is wrong Master. I’m quite happy. I’m just a bit worried about missing that class. I wouldn’t want to get behind. But I am sure my teacher will not mind this meeting.” These type of excuses always works on any teacher who held her back in a class, making her late for her next. The teacher would feel bad and let her go, usually without any punishment or warnings. She waited for the master to excuse her and let her slip away from this unpleasant conversation. But Master Yoda simply stared at her, obvious refusing to believe her lie. “A Jedi does not lie, especially to oneself. What do you have to hide, young one?” She was feeling very uneasy now. She did not want to answer the question. There were many things she had hidden from people and she did not want to tell her secrets to him, especially him. At the same time, she knew she could not found another way to talk herself out of this. Her acting would not work either. Her fear turned into panic as she stared at the large, green, kind eyes of the great leader before her. Surely, he could not want to her about her sad life, or how she was going to be thrown out of the order. She was not worth his time or energy. “Padawan?” Padawan was usually a word used to describe apprentices, but it was sometimes used to describe a student, usually to evoke an answer. The word made Sarafire all the more scared and she started to leap to her feet and flee the monstrous room. Instead, Master Yoda grabbed her arm and pulled her downward as she pushed up. The result of the movement was her sleeve was pushed upward, revealing the cuts and scars on her wrist. For a moment there was a dead silence of fear and dread. She had no idea what the Jedi would do to her, but she knew she was in deep trouble. The master gestured her to sit down as he held onto her arm. Badly shaking, she sat down, looking at her own self inflicted wounds. Master Yoda pushed her sleeve further to see several more cuts on her forearm and elbow. “Did this you did?” She could only gulp and slightly murmur a shaky yes. She wanted to withdraw her hand from his and run. Yet, his grip was firm, but not painful, telling her he was not done. “Why hurt yourself?” In all honesty she was not quite sure. She found a sort of relief in causing pain to herself, but she didn’t know how to explain that. It seemed her wild emotions flowed out of her as did the blood did. She never bled much so there was no real danger in her activities. She was careful to keep the cutting to one arm and the razor well hidden. “I-I just do. Please let me go! I promise not to do it again. Just don’t tell anyone!” He looked up at her, letting go of her arm, with a very sad look in his eyes. She was not the first to take this road and the road almost always lead to death. She knew this, but she did not care. Death may be the best thing for everyone. She would not bother any more teachers and the students would stop their awful teasing. “Come to check on you soon, I will. Do not cut again. There are other ways of making your pain go away.” She nodded her head in thanks and stood up very quickly. She left the room in a rush, heading off to apologize to the teacher. -----signature----- Bring Light Into Darkness Reaching Through Darkness: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28415147/p1/?0 Healing Hearts: http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28282728/p1
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earlybird-obi-wan Registered: Aug '06	Date Posted: 4/6 12:44am Subject: RE: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst Updated 4/6
	loved that update with the memories of her and I am sure Yoda will help her -----signature----- writer and Star Wars fan FANART [link=http://boards.theforce.net/fan_art/b10020/25793899]fanart[/link] stories in my bio
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Gkilkenny Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 4/6 4:16am Subject: RE: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst Updated 4/6
	Oh my she has a serious problem Lets hope Yoda can help her get some confidence back interesting. -----signature----- Padawan to p_stotts Peace over anger - honour over hate - Strength over fear. Links to Stories in my Bio. Obi-Wan forever.
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Alasse_Earfalas Registered: Mar '08	Date Posted: 4/6 12:53pm Subject: RE: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst Updated 4/6
	Aaaaaaawwwwwww!!!!!! So lovely!!! happy tear -----signature----- Padawan of TrulyGhent & LilyHobbitJedi I O.B. The Young Grasshopper http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=28829920 "The One Below" Emerges http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28281112
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JediKaren Registered: Apr '07	Date Posted: 4/8 10:09am Subject: RE: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst Updated 4/6
	Again, thanks to all my three dedicated readers! Here's some more for ya: Sarafire spent the rest of the day in a great emotional turmoil. She was horribly mortified that the Grand Master of the Jedi Order had discovered her shameful secret. She humbly apologized to an angry math teacher, wilting under the teacher’s glare, wishing she could explain herself, but somehow she did not think the teacher would buy her excuse of being dragged away by the might and awe inspiring Master Yoda. Few students were ever invited in by the master himself and she did not think she was the type of person who deserved such a privilege. She was still very much convinced the master was working on getting her a ship that would flee her sorry soul out into the huge galaxy, far away from the noble minds of the Jedi. Sarafire blamed herself for this, knowing all too well she brought it upon herself. Once again her downfall was her clumsiness. If she had just been more careful of her sleeves, she would not be in this nerve wreaking position. It was strange to say that she was sorry to go when she knew this would be for the best. Despite all the nightmares, hours upon hours of crying, pain and suffering she endured for so many years, she was attached to the people and the building she called home. It was hard to imagine herself elsewhere, not studying to become a Jedi. She tried so hard to imagine just for a second herself as an actually Jedi Knight, but that picture was even more ellusive. “Sarafire! Pay attention and answer my question!” Startled, she awoke from her daydreams and looked around the last class of the day, trying to understand what had happened. There was no concentration to be found when one knew one was about to be expelled. Luckily for her, she read ahead in the class and through Jedi listening exercises, she was able to recall the question about some distant planet and gave the correct question. The teacher squinted his eyes at her in deep suspicion and then made a journey to spy on what Sarafire was doing. Sarafire looked down and saw that she had been absent minded doodling on the notes that had been passed around. “And I suppose you got the answer from your silly drawings?” Sarafire blushed deeply, all too aware of the snickers the other kids made. The teacher gave her one last look of reproach and went back to the lesson. Sarafire tried to refrain from daydreaming about her future again, but the task was a hard one. Finally the ever long day ended and she was able to rush to her room, the only safe place she knew no one would tease, glare, or yell at her for another error. She dumped her bag on the floor, not caring in the slightest the mess she made. Her room was a nightmare with clothes, some clean, flung all over. Her bed was unmade, and stacks of papers were everywhere. She saw no use in cleaning. No one ever went into her room so no one cared about her lifestyle. She turned off the lights and grabbed the razor she kept hidden in a tiny lock box from underneath her bed. She found a strange peace in staring at the shiny, sharp blade. Here in her hands was the key to her sanity and holder of her pain. The day had been too much for her with the tears, fear, and anger at herself. She had been dying to get to her room, but the classes would not end. She was tempted to skip a class to cut, but she knew it would arouse unwanted attention. She felt the bitter sweet pain slice through her arm, travelling up her brain and flowing back down. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she felt her emotions fade away. The pain in her arm made the pain in her soul go numb for a time, bringing her a kind of peace and relief. Her mind went blank as she focused on the physical pain, wishing she could stay this way forever. Minutes later, her nerves calmed down and the pain stopped. A frown of disappointment formed on her lips. The trouble with cutting was one cut never seemed to be enough, but she was scared to do it a second time in one session. She looked down at her scarred arm that was now had a thin line of blood slowly dripping down her pale skin. Blood fascinated her. It was like the Force, only better. It was always there, in her, flowing and giving life. She could let it out when she wanted to, or hold it in, letting her body produce more. It was then when the depression and self pity came in. As long as the pain in her arm kept up, she felt fine, but afterwards she felt worse. The shame in herself grew. She knew this was wrong, but she couldn’t help herself. She knew she was weak to do this. There were other ways of managing her pain, but this seemed to be the easiest. Worse, some tiny voice told her she couldn’t stop harming herself even if she wanted to. Fear built up in her heart; bring an uncomfortable lump in her throat. She reached for the razor again. She wanted that smoothing feeling again so bad she was willing to break her own rule. The blade rested lightly on her skin. She started applying pressure to the tip of the metal when there was a loud knock on her door. Sarafire jumped and dropped the razor in surprise. No one ever knocked on her door. She was so upset, she could only stutter out a question. “Who-Who is it?” “Me” She had no idea who me was, but she raised to her feet, completely forgetting about the blade that laid out on the floor for all to see. She walked over to the door and opened it. At first she saw no one until she looked down and saw Master Yoda. She took a step back, nearly gaping at him. “Hello young one. Cutting again I see. Very disappointed I am.” She looked at her arm, seeing the blood seep through her white sleeve. She turned pink and hid the arm behind her back. “May I come in?” She nodded silently, not trusting her voice at that moment. The Jedi Master walked through her cluttered floor without a comment and sat on her bed. She looked at the floor, near his feet, unable to look actually at him. She could not confront the sin she had committed. “Fetch a bowl of water, a sponge, and a bandage you will and bring them to me.” Sarafire’s eyes darted at him and then quickly resumed their downward caste. She did not waste time with questions or reactions, but searched around the room until she found a piece of cloth that would do as a sponge and a long white bandage she had from a sprained ankle. A bowl was not hard to find and she poured water from a bottle into the bowl. She presented her finds to the little green Jedi who instructed her to put them on the bed. “Give me your arm.” She hesitantly reached her arm out his hands. Her sleeve was rolled up past her elbow. The master dipped the cloth into the water and washed away the blood. The rough material of the cloth rubbed against her tender arm, causing her to involuntarily hiss in pain. She started to jerk her arm back, but Master Yoda held on tight to her wrist. “If pain you want, then pain you will get.” She made herself breathe and relax enough to respond to him. “But I don’t want this pain.” “Then why cut?” The cloth was rubbed against her skin again without much care. “Ouch! Stop that, you’re hurting me!” The cloth was put into the water, tainting the clear liquid with her bright blood. “Why? You hurt yourself. What difference it is if it is me?” “Because I chose to.” “Ah, getting somewhere, we are. Why chose pain?” The cloth was applied more gently, wiping away the rest of the blood. Master Yoda retired the cloth in the water and then reached for the bandage. “It makes me feel better. It makes reminds me I’m alive.” “But alive you are.” “Maybe.” The cloth was held to her wrist and rolled around and around up her forearm. “Why do you doubt?” “Because I can’t feel anything. I can’t feel the Force, or happiness, or anything. I feel so dead! Sometimes I tried to hold my breath just to see what it’s like to be passed out.” The cloth was tucked in at the start of her elbow. Her whole forearm was now bandaged so she could not cut anymore. “I’m so numb.” “Numb? Hardly. In much pain you are. Scared and angry. Too much emotion to be numb.” She took her arm away from his hands and cradled it to her chest. She didn’t know what to say or how to explain herself to him. The master put hand on her leg. She jumped off the bed as if he had electrified her. “I’m numb ok? I can’t feel anything anymore. Please stop trying to tell me otherwise.” She ended her sentence with a sad note. She was sick of hearing him talk. She just wanted to be alone. “Need help you do. Let me to help you.” Tears had been forming in her eyes before he said that. Suddenly her mood swung around and she found herself enraged. “I don’t need your help. You can’t help me. No one can! I just want to be left alone.” The master sat on her bed, staring at her like a parent watching a child throw a fit. Sarafire found it annoying and made her even angrier. “Get out! Get out now! Get out of my room!” Master Yoda slowly got off the bed and walked over to the door. He opened it and walked out, only to look back once at the angry form of the young girl. “Come to me anytime, young one. Know my door is always open.” With that, the grand Jedi Master walked away, leaving Sarafire all the more upset and confused. -----signature----- Bring Light Into Darkness Reaching Through Darkness: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28415147/p1/?0 Healing Hearts: http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28282728/p1
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JediKaren Registered: Apr '07	Date Posted: 4/8 10:10am Subject: RE: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst Updated 4/6
	JediKaren posted: Title: Healing Hearts Author: JediKaren Timeframe: prior to the Phantom Menace Characters: Yoda, SaraFire, and minor other characters. Genre: OC, drama, angst, H/C, pre-TPM Summary: Sarafire is a 12 year old trainee who has lost all hope to being a Jedi and has turn to self destruct herself. By an accident she attracts the attention, care, and admiration of Master Yoda, who hopes her gain all she ever wanted. Disclaimer: GL gets all the credit for all star wars characters. -----signature----- Bring Light Into Darkness Reaching Through Darkness: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28415147/p1/?0 Healing Hearts: http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28282728/p1
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JediKaren Registered: Apr '07	Date Posted: 4/8 10:11am Subject: RE: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst Updated 4/6
	(no message) -----signature----- Bring Light Into Darkness Reaching Through Darkness: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28415147/p1/?0 Healing Hearts: http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28282728/p1
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earlybird-obi-wan Registered: Aug '06	Date Posted: 4/8 10:14am Subject: RE: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst Updated 4/6
	Great update. Love your character and her uncertainties. -----signature----- writer and Star Wars fan FANART [link=http://boards.theforce.net/fan_art/b10020/25793899]fanart[/link] stories in my bio
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Gkilkenny Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 4/8 4:42pm Subject: RE: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst Updated 4/6
	Sarafire is in need of help, and she is so alone. Master Yoda has the right idea yet he should not leave her alone hopefully he is using the force to keep an eye on her. You must give her a bit of happiness soon she deserves some. -----signature----- Padawan to p_stotts Peace over anger - honour over hate - Strength over fear. Links to Stories in my Bio. Obi-Wan forever.
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Alasse_Earfalas Registered: Mar '08	Date Posted: 4/8 5:26pm Subject: RE: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst Updated 4/6
	Aaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this story!!!!!!!!! happy tear -----signature----- Padawan of TrulyGhent & LilyHobbitJedi I O.B. The Young Grasshopper http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=28829920 "The One Below" Emerges http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28281112
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JediKaren Registered: Apr '07	Date Posted: 4/9 7:36pm Subject: RE: Healing Hearts: OC with Yoda, drama, angst Updated 4/6 - Date Edited: 4/9 7:50pm (1 edits total) Edited By: JediKaren
	Thank you all! I love this story too! Here's another chapter for ya She stood in front of the Jedi Council, shaking worse than ever before. Her left arm had no white bandage, but was naked and bleeding. She gripped the cuts tightly, but it made no difference. There was no way to hide the blood from the all knowing eyes. She was here to hear her fate. Her sentence would be delivered here. It was her ultimate doom. She could not go out peacefully, like a Jedi would. She was no Jedi. She stood there, her arm throbbing, and tears raining down her cheeks. She felt like she had committed a horrible crime and now she stood at the mercy of a judge, who knew no such mercy. “Sarafire Sunn?” Her voice trembled as she shakily confirmed the question asked by a tall, stern Jedi Master. “Sarafire, you have been charged with failure of the Jedi Training and brought shame to the Order. It is the decision of the council that you be cast out forever.” The tears kept trailing down her flushed checks against her pale forehead. She felt lightheaded with shook and terror. She had failed and now she was gone. She was dead. She barely managed to inquire what would happen to her. “Happen? Why haven’t you guessed? We do not let such pitiful failures of the Jedi wonder around the galaxy. No, that is not a punishment, but a reward. You will meet your doom here. Kneel and bow your worthless head.” She held on to her arm even tighter than before, ignore the burning pain. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t die like this. “I said kneel!” She nearly obeyed the order out of fear from the anger in his voice. She hated to be yelled at. She hated the anger the Jedi threw at her. She hated anger itself. “If you will not kneel, then I will make you!” A fast, hard kick pounded into her back, causing her to fall on her knees and hands. Her pale hair draped over her head and shoulder, blocking out her vision. She found she couldn’t breathe or move. “Prepare to die.” The blue lightsaber was activated and held over her head. She could see the shining light through the strands of her sweaty hair. The lightsaber was swung upward and then the blow came down on her. She felt the priecing blade start to burn the skin on her neck. “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!” Sarafire woke up to her screaming voice, crying out into the darkness of the room. Her breath was loud and came out in huge gasps. It took her several minutes to slow down her breathing and regain her mind. It was just a dream. I’m not going away yet and they wouldn’t kill me anyhow. It was just a bad dream. It made have been a dream, but the after effects of the dream were much worse. She was covered in a fine, smelling sweat that made her feel hot and gross. A fire of icy fear burned in her heart, slowly spreading to the rest of her soul. The darkness of the room was too dark and too frightening. She stumbled out of bed and turned the light on. She looked around the room, but there were no monster or murders. She sighed in semi-relief. Her hand began to scratch her left arm, but to her surprise her fingers grazed against something rough and unfamiliar. It was then she remembered the bandage and the scene before she went to bed. She had retired early, not carrying if she missed the evening meal. She just wanted to forget the sin she had committed. Sarafire knew she was wrong to yell at the Jedi Master, who possibly really did want to help her. Yet, she had her doubts about his ability to help. He could not possibly comprehend the situation she was in. She took her hand away from her arm and wiped the sweat off of her pale face. She curled up into a small, skinny ball, wrapping her comforting, soft blanket around her body. She found her only possession, a stuffed animal, and hugged it tightly. It was strange, but she found tremendous comfort and safety in the toy. As a child she slept with it every night, whispering her greatest fears and joys. The toy did not judge her or talk back, but always listened with a smile on it’s face. She hugged it one more time, whispering the nightmare she just had. When she found she could move without jumping, she crawled out of bed and put on a robe. She turned the light off and snuck out of her tiny room. She never slept much or well, so she had learned the art of walking around aimlessly in the halls at the wee hours of the morning. No one ever noticed her if they saw her. She guessed they had always figured she was coming or going to the restroom that students had to share. Tonight’s wondering brought her to a new hall she knew nothing about. Despite living at the temple for most of her life, there were still areas she had not discovered either because she didn’t go there, or she wasn’t supposed to. At night, there was no one to watch her and yell at her, so Sarafire made it a project to learn all the secrets she could about the massive temple before she was expelled. There were many a peaceful places she found and liked, but this night she craved a different spot to rest her mind of the internal fears that haunted her so. She had found a short hall containing no doors, except a single piece of art at the very end. She walked down the bare hall, looking at a painting. It was an actually painting, dating back several hundred years. Real, hand done paintings were very rare to find in the age she lived in. Most artists did holo pictures or other mediums of art. Here was a real, oil based painting with the finest detailed scene of a child crying to its mother. Sarafire found the art intriguing. There was something about the young child in the way it’s failing arms reached for its distant, distracted mother attracted her. The child was not hurt or looked sick, but clearly it wanted attention. The mother was well dressed and busy with some activity Sarafire couldn’t fathom. She wondered why the mother was ignoring the begging child and why mothers would ignore their children. Maybe the child is like me and is not wanted. Maybe the mother can not hear the wails of this poor kid. “Like the child you are.” She jumped and turned around so fast, she nearly lost her balance. She felt herself pale and began to tremble as she stood before Master Yoda. The Jedi Master looked at her from head to toe and started to chuckle to himself. “You look like a ghost. Pale and wavering. No need to fear me you do.” Sarafire was not convinced. She was sure she was about to sent to bed with a stern warning. “I-I’m sorry - I’ll go back to bed!” The green Jedi held out his hand to stop her from scurrying off. “Stay. I cannot sleep either.” She wondered briefly why he couldn’t sleep, but the painting caught her eye again. She noticed the master was admiring the painting again. She decided to draw up some of her remaining nerves and do the right thing. “Master Yoda, I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. I didn’t mean to be so rude.” She slightly bowed her head to her chest to show her sincerity. “That’s OK. Angry you were and needed to vent your anger you did. But help you still need and help you I will.” “I don’t think you can help me.” She had said it softly, scared to admit the sad truth. The master studied the painting in silence for some time. She wondered if he had not heard her and if she should repeat herself. “Why do you think the child cries?” She looked at Master Yoda and then at the painting. “I think the child wants to be loved and the mother isn’t very loving.” “Very good. And why does the mother not love her child?” She paused for a moment to think and phrase her answer carefully. “The mother didn’t seem to care if her child is crying. She doesn’t want to take care of the child and doesn’t see the child needs her. She seems to be too preoccupied with something.” “Yes. Do you know the artist?” She shook her head. “The child the author is. Ignored and abused the child was, growing up to be bitter and hateful for the world. Took his life he did and only then did the mother notice him. If only the mother took time to care for him, would he lived in happiness and peace. A sad fate for anyone.” Sarafire remained silent, staring at the painting. The painting made perfect sense to her. She could understand the exact pain and fear of the child. She found herself yawning into her hand. “Time for sleep for both of us it is. Come, I will take you to your room.” She quietly followed the Jedi Master back to her room, growing more sleep as she step she took. When he opened the door for her, she found her eyes drooping with sleep. She shuffled to her bed and climbed into her warm covers. “Good night Sarafire.” For the rest of the night she did not dream in fear or pain, but in blissful peace. -----signature----- Bring Light Into Darkness Reaching Through Darkness: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28415147/p1/?0 Healing Hearts: http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28282728/p1
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