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Author	Topic: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) OC Challenge Response, Short Story ~~Completed 5/6~~
Jinngerbread Registered: Sep '07	Date Posted: 4/23 10:26pm Subject: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) OC Challenge Response, Short Story ~~Completed 5/6~~ - Date Edited: 5/6 3:39pm (11 edits total) Edited By: Jinngerbread
	Title: Just Before Dawn Author: Jinngerbread Characters: OC's, Author's Notes: This is an experimental type fic. This is a short story, likely no longer than four posts. I'm doing it in the style of the show 24, meaning the clock is a chronometer showing real time. This all takes place within a 24 hour period. This is in response to the OC Challenge. Since the deadline is Sunday, I'm going to do my best to have this posted by then. 06:15:20 "Master you need sleep," Ren urged, stroking his back. "I can't," Drex replied, stretching, as he was tired from sitting in this cramped chair. "I have work to do, if we're going to find him, I have to sift through this information." "Yes, but you still need to rest," Ren chided. "What good will it be if you find him and are too tired to focus on the arrest?" Drex grimaced, knowing his boy had a point. "Very well, padawan, for your sake." "For your own, sake, Master, you need this," Ren was adamant and Drex smiled slightly. "You've always taken care of me, child," he said fondly, brushing the other's hair with his hand. "I always have," Ren agreed. "And I'm still doing it, to bed with you," he insisted, tugging on his Master's hand to get him to stand. "Brat, " Drex laughed a little at that, and allowed himself to be tugged and pulled over to his bed. He paused, feeling a disturbance in the Force. "What is it, Master?" "Get down!" A brief flicker of warning was all he had before the room imploded. Drex jerked awake, his heart pounding furiously, disoriented as he awoke in the darkness. He had been dreaming again. Except it hadn't been a dream, the events had really happened. He looked around his cabin, "Lights on low," he said, and the lights complied, coming on at his voice command. They had been following the trail of a drug Lord by the alias of Lone. If he had ever had another name, not a single one of his informants knew it. He had been heavily involved with the criminal Organization, which he had broken up with his padawan's help and the help of an immortal, Zamir that Lone had chained to him through his drugs. Drex had freed the immortal and Lone had been arrested, and sent to prison. However the Organization had many resources at their disposal and he had not remained in prison very long. Not even three years of jail time, Drex thought, scowling. Since he and Ren had been involved in the capture and arrest, they were immediately sent out to recapture him. It was their job. That was the task of the Special Operations and Investigations Division. Yet this time, something had gone wrong. Somehow, incredibly, Lone had figured out that they were coming. And he had taken Ren. His hands clenched into fists. He would get him back and when he had him, he would bring him to justice, he vowed with everything in his heart and soul. He would get his boy back. And when he did, Lone would wish he had never heard of Carth Drex Rixar. -----signature----- Into Another Day http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/27926050/p1/?5 I Really Need A New Job http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28912460/p1/?1 Gate Crashin' http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28492848/p1/?21
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Jedi-Gon Registered: Nov '07	Date Posted: 4/24 11:17am Subject: RE: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) 24-Style Short Story, OC Challenge Response
	Awww... No! That's horrible! Poor Drex! I sense a bit of parental protection going on! Watch out, ye drug lords! Usually, I don't really like OC stories - but this is very interesting! I want to know what has happened to poor Ren. Hmm... Is he of any specific, age, anyway? Just wondering. I like the setup here. I have never seen '24', but this is a nice layout, and a good start. I'll be watching for the next update! -----signature----- "The ability to speak does not make you intelligent." -Qui-Gon Jinn, The Phantom Menace Duct tape is kind of like the Force - it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. Proud Padawan to Jinngerbread
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Jinngerbread Registered: Sep '07	Date Posted: 4/24 12:09pm Subject: RE: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) 24-Style Short Story, OC Challenge Response - Date Edited: 4/24 2:45pm (2 edits total) Edited By: Jinngerbread
	Jedi-Gon It's going to get worse before it gets better As far as parental protection, yep, Drex loves Ren like he would a son, even though attachments are supposedly forbidden. Too bad you don't usually like OC related stories, there's a lot of great potential out there. Original characters can be just as exciting as canon characters With Ren, well you'll see And as far as his age, Ren is eighteen. I'm glad you like the set up. I've never watched the show but I liked the idea for something a little different, and I do plan on watching the show a bit Thanks for reading, here's today's update! 12:50:10 He was monitoring the cockpit when he got the incoming transmission from the holo-vid feed. Holo viewing was very expensive in hyperspace and a quick look at the vid hookup showed that it wasn't coming from the Temple. His jaw tightened as he pushed the button to allow the communication to go through. He knew who it had to be. As the viewscreen flickered, he saw he wasn't disappointed. It was Lone. "What is it?" the Jedi Master asked abruptly, not giving the drug Lord time to greet him. He wanted this communication on his terms and he would not be intimidated by idle threats. Lone smiled. "Your boy has been wishing to speak with you. I merely thought we would allow him the opportunity." Drex didn't react, even as the camera angle swung around, standing chained to a wall. He looked mostly unharmed, a few bruises and cuts, but otherwise all right. He tried to reach with the Force to the boy, but he knew it was no use. Lone would have that covered easily with the many drug creations he had available. "Aren't you going to say hello?" Lone asked, noting both of them were silent. He waited a few more minutes before he said, "I suppose we'll just have to loosen your tongues. The deadline has been moved." Drex felt the air leave him at that. "To what?" "You have four hours." The camera clicked off at that, white noise filling the background where the image had been. He pushed the vid off. Four hours. His mouth was dry as he glanced at the chronometer. He was still six hours away from the coordinates they had sent, and if he didn't get there in time…he didn't want to think about it. He forced the thoughts away roughly from his mind. If he couldn't get there in time, someone could. It was time to consider that he might need help. He could call for assistance and backup. The Master normally hated doing such things, preferring to do things on his own with as minimal assistance as possible, presenting a strong front to those outside and fellow Jedi around him, but this time, his own pride could not get in the way. His apprentice's life was at stake. He began pushing comlink frequencies, contacting those in his division and other Jedi teams. Surely someone would be close enough by that they could help him. They had to be. He refused to consider any other possibility. -----signature----- Into Another Day http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/27926050/p1/?5 I Really Need A New Job http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28912460/p1/?1 Gate Crashin' http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28492848/p1/?21
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Qui-Gina-Jinn Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 4/24 12:24pm Subject: RE: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) OC Challenge Response, Short Story ~~Updated 4/24~~
	Love this! But then again, I didn't expect anything less, with you as the author Really nice way of doing it. Just hope everything works out for Ren - it has to! -----signature----- Dark Lady of the DLC Fan Force Denmark I was there - FFEurope meeting, Stockholm 2005, Celebration Europe 2007, JediCon 2008 Not to worry - we are still flying half a ship! Ke nu'jurkadir sha Mando'ade
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Jedi-Gon Registered: Nov '07	Date Posted: 4/24 2:40pm Subject: RE: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) OC Challenge Response, Short Story ~~Updated 4/24~~
	Four hours? That's awful! Oh, I do hope someone is nearby. Another OC, perhaps? Or will it be a familiar face? At this point, I think I actually feel worse for Drex than for Ren. A stressful situation, to say the least! Too bad you don't usually like OC related stories, there's a lot of great potential out there. Original characters can be just as exciting as canon characters. Well, I suppose I have nothing against OCs, but alot of OC stories I read overdo/over emphesize them. I mean, it's alright to go over-the-top with one, maybe two characters, but all of them? No. Let's just say I've had bad experiences with OCs in the past. But, you've proven me wrong! Not all OC stories are bad at all. I'm looking forward to the next post! Keep up the amazing work! -----signature----- "The ability to speak does not make you intelligent." -Qui-Gon Jinn, The Phantom Menace Duct tape is kind of like the Force - it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. Proud Padawan to Jinngerbread
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Jinngerbread Registered: Sep '07	Date Posted: 4/25 5:03pm Subject: RE: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) OC Challenge Response, Short Story ~~Updated 4/24~~ - Date Edited: 4/27 6:48pm (6 edits total) Edited By: Jinngerbread
	Qui-Gina-Jinn I'm glad you think so! As far as with Ren, well you'll just have to wait and see Can't give it all away Thanks for reading! Jedi-Gon Yep, four hours, and he's six hours away. It is a pretty bad situation, no doubt about that. At this point, you're right, it is really bad for Drex, because Ren isn't having much of anything happen yet, while Drex is struggling to come up with a way out of this for both of them. As far as original characters, I do know what you mean, but on these boards, most OC's rock Don't shy away from them here I'm very glad to have proven you wrong Here's more for you! 14:45:42 He was pacing in the cockpit. Normally he would've preferred punching something, but there was nothing there that was useful for that purpose. He enjoyed working out more than sitting still and being cooped up in the ship with this frustration and worry was difficult. He had tried to release his anxiety into the Force, and he had succeeded to some extent, but as time wore on, it was becoming increasingly more difficult to keep that calm. The problem was that he had put in every comlink call he could possibly imagine to everyone he could think of, including the Jedi High Council, hoping that they might be able to send someone else to help him. But this far away from Coruscant, the closest Jedi was half a day's travel away at least. Which meant no one was close enough to help him. He'd have to stall for time. Surely there could be a way. He had checked his estimated time of arrival and had discovered he still had two hours to go before he came out of hyperspace. Frustration boiled in him and he wracked his brains desperately trying to come up with a solution to this mess. He glanced up at the chronometer and he drew in a sharp breath. Four minutes to go. They were never late, with promised calls. What would happen if he didn't arrive and couldn't stall? He felt his heart skip several beats, such that he put his hand to his chest. It was painful just thinking of it. He couldn't fail. His breathing hitched at the thought. The Force would come through for his boy. It had to. Ren was so bright, so innocent. Even with the dangerous and cruel missions they were often sent on, his boy had always retained his brightness and Light. He never complained even if he had trouble dealing with the cruelties they were often forced to see and do in the course of their work. He knew he didn't deserve an apprentice such as Ren, with his love and devotion. Drex loved his boy just as much, too much perhaps, as he couldn't bear to let go of the boy, even if he might be happier doing other work. Perhaps it was time to look at other options, instead of pushing Ren to do exactly the same dangerous things he did. Maybe he could work on the boy's physical training, and another Master could handle the other parts? Perhaps that would be agreeable. After this was over, he'd talk to his boy and let him know how much he loved him for staying with him, even though he had difficulties, and then he would talk about alternative studying arrangements. He glanced at the chronometer again. This was torturous waiting. If he knew how to break through their encryption, he'd send the call himself, just to end the waiting. He had tried that though, once, when Ren had first gone missing. The damage to his equipment upon connecting with their line had been sufficient enough to keep him from trying it again. Three minutes. He swore under his breath and knelt in the floor. Enough was enough. He wasn't going to let them play with him. He had to regain his center. He reached to the Force, trying to center himself more than he had before. Breathe, he told himself. Just breathe. In... Out... He felt calmer now, more than he had before. He let out another deep breath, long and slow before he stood up. When the holovid beeped demanding access and pushing the commands to allow it, he tucked his arms into the sleeves of his robe, determined to be strong, to bargain for time, for his boy's sake. "Time's up," Lone said softly, his tone almost soothing. "You're not here." "No," Drex replied, gathering his courage as well as he could. "I'm not. I'm still two hours away." "Pity," Lone gave a small sigh. He gestured to someone Drex couldn't see and the holocam viewing area widened, to show his apprentice, still hanging chained to the wall. "I'm sure we can encourage you to come faster." "I'm going as fast as I can," Drex replied, his stomach tightening. "Even now I’m pushing the ship beyond what it should." Lone appeared to consider that. "I see." He looked thoughtful and after a few moments smiled thinly, "I'm feeling generous, Carth. I'll give you more time." Drex breathed a little easier. If he did, there might be a chance. The next moment however, froze him in place. "Begin." -----signature----- Into Another Day http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/27926050/p1/?5 I Really Need A New Job http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28912460/p1/?1 Gate Crashin' http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28492848/p1/?21
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Jedi-Gon Registered: Nov '07	Date Posted: 4/25 7:02pm Subject: RE: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) OC Challenge Response, Short Story ~~Updated 4/25~~
	ACK! This was such a suspensful addition! Really, I could feel my pulse elevating as I read it. Poor Drex! Talk about torturous! Agh! That has to be awful. "Begin." I'm a bit confused at what that means... Am I supposed to know? I have a bad feeling about this.... You have to update soon, before I go insane trying to figure out what is happening to Ren! Excellent job! -----signature----- "The ability to speak does not make you intelligent." -Qui-Gon Jinn, The Phantom Menace Duct tape is kind of like the Force - it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. Proud Padawan to Jinngerbread
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Qui-Gina-Jinn Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 4/26 1:34am Subject: RE: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) OC Challenge Response, Short Story ~~Updated 4/25~~
	What devilish things have you got in store for our Jedi?? That was an evil cliffie! But again, wonderfully written. Loved how you showed Drex's anxiety. Now I won't be happy until you update this! -----signature----- Dark Lady of the DLC Fan Force Denmark I was there - FFEurope meeting, Stockholm 2005, Celebration Europe 2007, JediCon 2008 Not to worry - we are still flying half a ship! Ke nu'jurkadir sha Mando'ade
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Jinngerbread Registered: Sep '07	Date Posted: 4/27 6:25pm Subject: RE: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) OC Challenge Response, Short Story ~~Updated 4/25~~ - Date Edited: 4/28 12:44pm (2 edits total) Edited By: Jinngerbread
	Jedi-Gon I'm really glad I elevated your pulse level Truly am It means I succeeded in what I set out to do! And nope, you're not supposed to know then, but now you are As far as your bad feeling, well, it's justified... Thanks for reading! Qui-Gina-Jinn I could've been worse But the deadline's today so instead of breaking it up more, you get it in one go. Well, hope you're happy, because here's an update Thanks for reading! Author's Note: There'll be one more post after these two. I don't normally post two in a row back to back, but I have a deadline to meet 14:50:42 He was able to remain composed as they started on his boy. It wasn't easy, but with each tear of his apprentice's skin, it bought him another minute. He took comfort in that cold fact. Another minute. Another chance for him to live through it. If he just held on long enough. He could get there in time, if he could distract them with this torture. The Jedi Master kept his arms tucked into the sleeves of his robe as he faced the viewscreen, watching silently. He seemed the enigma of a Jedi, the ultimate perfect Master, never wavering in his stance, showing no emotion whatsoever as his child was tortured. Internally however, his heart was cracking to pieces as the beating continued. No one could see through the sleeves that he was gripping the flesh of his own arms hard enough to bruise, desperate to keep calm, reaching to the Force to help him as well as he could. Then it grew worse. Ren began to scream. //Hold on, child, I'll be there soon, // he begged to the blocked Master/Padawan bond. There was no reply, he knew there wouldn't be, but just the same, he tried to send comfort through it. Just in case Ren could feel it even in the slightest bit, it was all he could do. Another minute turned into twenty minutes. He tried to focus on something else even as he watched, to keep his heart from cracking, to keep him from reaching through the viewscreen to slaughter them, he knew that wasn't practical, but sithspawn, he wanted to help him. If this kept their attention long enough….there would be a chance. He could nurse his child back to health. The Master Healer, Han'yaie could heal almost any physical injury, no matter how severe, in his experience. He had been patched up so many times, he was well familiar with the Healer's capabilities and state-of-the-art medical care he would receive once they were home. He would have to stop somewhere before going home to get supplies to ensure Ren received the best care available, but that would be easy enough. He had lost track of time by this point. It seemed endless as Ren's screams turned to sobs. He wanted to pace, wanted to melt the viewscreen with his lightsaber, wanted to hold his boy in his arms, longing to be there with him to take away his pain, but he could do nothing except sit and watch. Eventually, Lone waved his hands and the men who had been torturing his padawan, released him from his chains and his child fell to the floor, too weakened from the abuses to hold himself up. They dragged him into closer view of the holocams so that Drex could see every bruise, every cut, every broken bone, from the beating. Ren met his gaze and Drex gave him a gentle look, trying to tell him without words, how proud he was of his boy. "I have given you extra time, Carth," Lone said softly. "You're not here." Drex faced the screen, looking composed, though he felt nothing of the Jedi Master he looked. "That's not enough. I'm still half an hour away." "Pity," Lone said in the same quiet tone. "I was very generous, Carth." "I told you how long I needed," he was not going to let this drug Lord toy with him. "So you did," Lone smiled. The drug dealer walked over to stand behind Ren. His arms went around him, in a parody of a sympathetic embrace, before he yanked the Padawan's hair tugging his neck into an awkward position and Ren whimpered at the movement. There was a moment's pause, before… Three shots…. As the blaster fire met his ears, sudden pain ripped through his head from the bond he shared with the boy. He could feel each strand tear and shatter. Each cord, violently ripped apart, breaking… Tearing… Shattering… He had grasped his head as the molten waves of agony burst forth from the ends of the fiery strands, leaving him gasping for air. The Jedi had forgotten all about Lone, and as suddenly as the maelstrom came, it vanished. The sound of a thud jarred him back to his senses, reminding him that he had an audience watching the entire show. As he looked at the viewscreen, he saw with horror what had caused the burning in his mind. There, on the floor, was his boy, a gaping wound in his stomach from the blaster fire, his eyes empty. Ren was dead. Disbelief swelled in his heart as he stared down at the body of his apprentice, willing him to move. He reached towards the bond desperately; the fiery strands had cooled and now were waving in his mind, unfettered. "Ren," he croaked out, feeling the unchained strands in his mind, the strands that had once been anchored to his boy's presence. Ren was gone. His child was dead. Defiant anger blazed up in him as he jerked his head up, his jaw tightening hard as he faced Lone, struggling to deny what had been done. Before he could open his mouth, the drug Dealer said, "I'll be in touch, Carth." He terminated the communication. Drex sat in the pilot's chair, thinking hard after the communication had been ended. Was Ren really dead or not? Ren couldn't be dead. His boy had survived the torture and unspeakable atrocities. His child was strong, Ren wasn't dead. But the pain in his mind, and the blaster wound in Ren's stomach? Doubt began to creep into his mind. Lone had said he'd be in touch. How would he be in touch if his hostage were dead? Clinging to that hope that swept through his mind, he faced the viewport and open space. His estimated time of arrival was down to fifteen minutes. He'd find out soon enough. -----signature----- Into Another Day http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/27926050/p1/?5 I Really Need A New Job http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28912460/p1/?1 Gate Crashin' http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28492848/p1/?21
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Jinngerbread Registered: Sep '07	Date Posted: 4/27 6:43pm Subject: RE: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) OC Challenge Response, Short Story ~~Updated 4/25~~ - Date Edited: 4/28 12:41pm (2 edits total) Edited By: Jinngerbread
	Author's Note: There is one more post after this one, an epilogue I'm sorry I had to post so much, but I wanted it broken up that way and still had to be in by the deadline. 15:05:42 Even before Drex docked with the ship he could tell his search was fruitless. Lone had already left ahead of him and abandoned ship. Everything was powered down to the bare minimum. Yet, he couldn't not dock, maybe he left something behind. Some piece of evidence that would point to what he had seen, and what he had felt was all just a twisted lie. But he wasn't sure. The Force was telling him what he felt was true, but he couldn't take the chance that he could be misinterpreting what he felt from the Force. The ship was dark when he stepped on board through the pressurized docking bay. His lightsaber was held aloft giving off the only light as he began to creep through the ship, gingerly. Hair stood up on the back of his neck as he walked through the ship. He felt as if he were being watched. His jaw clenched. Lone probably had a live feed hookup somewhere on the ship recording his every move looking for a show of his emotions. Regardless of how much it hurt, Drex wasn't going to give him one. He kept walking through the ship towards the back when finally he came to an open trapdoor. He swallowed hard, trying to banish his emotions, to become ruthless, to be his namesake, Carth, rather than the more emotional side of him, which he associated with his familiar name, Drex. Lone had obviously wanted him to find this. There was no lock on the door, no nothing; it was wide open with a ladder descending to a lower level. Slowly, he descended to the bowels of the ship. As he reached the bottom of the ladder, he noticed a short corridor with a room at a far end. A light was shining in the room. That was where he was supposed to go. His heart was thumping fast in his chest and his palms were beginning to sweat with anticipation. The lack of obstacles was upsetting. Lone wanted him to find it, but it was unlike him to give it so easily. He neared the door, going down the corridor, step by aching step, and his boots clanking against the plating of the floor being the only noise other than the whirring of the life support systems. The door itself was open too. Another pause, but he stepped inside. The blast of mental noise assaulted him and almost knocked him backward. He crashed to his knees, feeling the rush of emotions from the room, grabbing at his head with one hand trying to regain his steadiness. Pain. All consuming and white-hot and burning, ripping through him. A sense of desperation, of desire to surrender. Maniac coldness and glee. Screams echoing through his ears, even as he was ripped apart. Yet even through the pain and desperation, he could feel a sense of peace. A sense of purpose, wholeness and rightness, even through the agony. His breathing was shaky and uneven as he opened his eyes again. He felt something wet beneath him, soaking into his leggings. His mouth tightened hard as he glanced to see what he had sat in, and what he was feeling through his pants. Blood. His heart was pounding so fast and so hard, he almost couldn't breathe. Lone might have a live feed; he was giving Lone what he wanted. A show. But he couldn't help it. As he glanced around more he found a set of chains, the same that he had seen that had held his apprentice no doubt, and a table to one side. With Ren's bruised head sitting on it, the eyes wide open staring at him, in a grim parody of a compassionate look, still wearing his padawan braid. Drex felt something in his heart snap. Moisture began burning in his eyes, but he forced them back. He could not cry here. The mental assault had been enough of a show for Lone. Too much for his liking, but there had been no preventing it. He knew the cruelty of the galaxy, but he had always come home, not unharmed, but he had always come and Ren had come with him. Now in the space where Ren had been in his mind, there was nothing… Nothing. He removed his robe and carefully and reverently wrapped the head up. He would never wear this robe again. He would incinerate it the first chance he had. It would never be clean enough to wear again. It would always be soiled with this memory. His lips pursing, he looked around to see if there was anything else that he ought to take back with him. As he looked around he noted more and more blood, almost totally staining the floor underneath the chains and under the table that had held the head and a small pile. He moved towards it, grimacing as the blood soaked into his boots as he walked. He realized what it was as he nudged it. Organs and tissue. They had ripped his boy clean apart and they had left his head and insides for him to find? Instead of sorrow, anger was beginning to take its place. A fierce hot anger, furious and white hot. Anger was easier than sorrow. Sorrow meant accepting the facts, accepting that he was gone and moving forward in grieving. And he could not. He should let go of his emotions and treat this as the crime scene it was. Crime scene. That's what this was, a crime scene for the crime of murder. The anger began to fade and instead of letting the sorrow replace it, he replaced it with coldness. He would not allow himself to feel. He could not. He had to get back to his section of the ship and confirm that this was what was left of his apprentice. That's what he should do first. Until the computer scanners confirmed things, he could cling to the hope and denial, no matter how dim the hope was getting, it was still there. He stalked back to his wing of the ship. He'd look more after he checked. Coming back to the cockpit, the Jedi pulled a smalll device out of a pouch on his belt to take a sample of DNA. That done he glanced back at the head...it was so bruised.... He swallowed tightly, his emotions threatening to overwhelm him. No. He could not break down. He had to make sure that this was indeed Ren and not just some look alike to throw him off. A little hope returning to him at the idea, he wrapped the head back up and placed it back in the unit and walked back to the cockpit where there was a midichlorian count reader in the computer terminal. He turned on the terminal and inserted the chip with the blood smear on it. He then pulled up Ren's medical file. He had a copy of it, on him at all times for field work and in it was a DNA sample. He inserted it into the second slot in the reader and in a few moments a voice on the terminal said, "Confirmed. DNA Ren Drayfdd, Padawan. Serial number 00193847569." The words echoed in his ears like white noise. Confirmed.... Ren was dead. That was his head. His child, his boy, all that was left of him was his head and the entrails he had seen and blood. He had his dead apprentice's blood all over him. Ren was dead. He was gone. Drex's breathing hitched at the thought and as it began to sink in what was really happening, bile rose in his throat. Ren was gone. Ren was dead. His child ....his child... Gone.... He had failed his boy. He had been so close to succeeding. How could this have happened? He specialized in getting people out of impossible situations. How was it that this time, his own had been taken? Because of him. He had loved too much to let go. If Ren had been placed elsewhere, he would never have been taken. This was the price for attachments and love. Ren had paid for his love with his life. He would never feel his child's love again. At the thought moisture began to sting his eyes. When his friend Ke'dran had lost his mate, he had claimed he understood, and felt his pain. He had not even known what pain was then. Now he knew. The tears he'd been holding in finally spilled over, tracing his cheeks. He didn't hold them back. -----signature----- Into Another Day http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/27926050/p1/?5 I Really Need A New Job http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28912460/p1/?1 Gate Crashin' http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28492848/p1/?21
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Qui-Gina-Jinn Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 4/28 7:57am Subject: RE: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) OC Challenge Response, Short Story ~~Updated 4/27~~
	How could you?!! Poor, poor Ren - and even more poor Drex! That was evil that was! Wonderfully written though. -----signature----- Dark Lady of the DLC Fan Force Denmark I was there - FFEurope meeting, Stockholm 2005, Celebration Europe 2007, JediCon 2008 Not to worry - we are still flying half a ship! Ke nu'jurkadir sha Mando'ade
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Jedi-Gon Registered: Nov '07	Date Posted: 4/28 2:39pm Subject: RE: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) OC Challenge Response, Short Story ~~Updated 4/27~~
	... Cries eyes out What?! That... That's it? He's dead? NO! That was beyond horrible! The way they murdered that boy is completely disgusting and inhuman and despicable! URG! If I ever get my hands on Lone... But really - that's it? 'The End'? No happy ending? No happily ever after? What happened to last minute amazingly lucky rescue?! Really, that was amazing, but... Why?! Beatifully written. Nice, simple description with a very powerful punch. Quite depressing, too. Poor Drex! Survivor's guilt! Parental grief! Self dissapointment! I want to go and give the poor dear a hug. A really big one. Please tell me that this is a trick ending! Even though I have a feeling that it's not. Lovely job. -----signature----- "The ability to speak does not make you intelligent." -Qui-Gon Jinn, The Phantom Menace Duct tape is kind of like the Force - it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. Proud Padawan to Jinngerbread
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Jedi_Perigrine Registered: Apr '08	Date Posted: 4/29 8:16am Subject: RE: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) OC Challenge Response, Short Story ~~Updated 4/27~~
	I hope Jedi-Gonn is right! Please tell me this is a trick ending... Gah, I can't stand it! Great story! You sucked me in right away. -----signature----- Look out boards, MamaVader snipped my braid! Still a Talon! Visitors+Vacation=Barely any time for writing! WAAH!
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VaderLVR64 Title: Fan Fic Manager Digging out from Fay Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 4/29 10:45am Subject: RE: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) OC Challenge Response, Short Story ~~Updated 4/27~~
	I've only read the first post but I love it! Please PM me when you update. Now...off to get caught up! -----signature----- If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories. They call me NANA Vader. At least she doesn't lack confidence...
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Corellian_Ale Registered: Mar '08	Date Posted: 4/29 6:23pm Subject: RE: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) OC Challenge Response, Short Story ~~Updated 4/27~~
	Layren? With an OC challenge?!?!? Alright, first let me apologize for thinking to far to the left with this sequence: "You've always taken care of me, child," he said fondly, brushing the other's hair with his hand. "I always have," Ren agreed. "And I'm still doing it, to bed with you," Now read that as if you had no idea what was going on.... And he had taken Ren. His hands clenched into fists. He would get him back and when he had him, he would bring him to justice, he vowed with everything in his heart and soul. He would get his boy back. And when he did, Lone would wish he had never heard of Carth Drex Rixar. Carth sounds like a Jedi you wouldn't want to cross... Question, is Lone an offshot of the Solo clan? He began pushing comlink frequencies, contacting those in his division and other Jedi teams. Surely someone would be close enough by that they could help him. Thank goodness I'm reading it all in one sitting, 'cause I couldn't wait for the update to see who Drex ropes in for help. As he looked at the viewscreen, he saw with horror what had caused the burning in his mind. There, on the floor, was his boy, a gaping wound in his stomach from the blaster fire, his eyes empty. Ren was dead. The words echoed in his ears like white noise. Confirmed.... Ren was dead. That was his head. His child, his boy, all that was left of him was his head and the entrails he had seen and blood. He had his dead apprentice's blood all over him. I know there's still an epilogue coming, but I'm really curious as to what road Ren's death takes Drex on...Great job jb! -----signature----- Darth Writer's Block stands at the end of my bed while I sleep and laughs... Proud Master to MsLanna ...
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BigE Registered: Jul '02	Date Posted: 5/1 3:53am Subject: RE: Just Before Dawn (OC's, Action/Drama) OC Challenge Response, Short Story ~~Updated 4/27~~
	Good grief, Jinngerbread – this is terribly tragic and horrifying. Didn’t know you had it in ya. The suspense when Drex was on his way to try to save Ren was tremendous. The torture - geez you just wanted to reach out and strangle that Lone character yourself; make sure he got his comeuppance. Great story...depressing but great! -----signature----- Aha! That's it. Hold it right there. Pronoun trouble. It's not "he doesn't have to shoot YOU now," it's "he doens't have to shoot ME now." Well I say he DOES have to shoot me now!! So shoot me now!
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