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Author	Topic: Claustrophobic Emptiness
Zelda_Death Registered: May '08	Date Posted: 5/18 4:43am Subject: Claustrophobic Emptiness - Date Edited: 5/26 11:05pm (2 edits total) Edited By: Zelda_Death
	Title: Claustrophobic Emptiness Author(s): Zelda_Death Timeframe: Mostly during the Dark Age of the Republic Characters: The main ones are all original, with a few minor canon people. Genre: Action, drama, however you describe an evaluation of a psyche during a galaxy-wide war. Keywords: New Sith Wars, Republic Dark Age, Jedi Summary: Rel'miar, a bird-like alien Jedi, fights against the Sith with the Army of Light. As the war comes towards its one thousandth birthday, he feels an increasing responsibility to help the crumbling Republic. This, mixed with his race's natural instincts, wants, and fears, puts him in an incredibly complicated situation. And he isn't good at complicated situations. Notes: Forgive me if I screw up some canon here, but I like trying to write fic in timelines I haven't read any of the books of. So if something happened with the New Sith Wars that I don't know about, oh well, makes it more fun. ---- Claustrophobic emptiness. That's how they described it, the brave adventurers that had journeyed just beyond the faint blue glow into an impenetrable blackness, but not far enough to be harmed. Others were not so lucky - they went too far and exploded into a tiny cloud of red. The claustrophobic emptiness gripped them, squeezed them, and crushed them before they could react. Through the shadow of an atmosphere that was present, the ones on the ground could literally see the death of the bold, and decided it was best to stay in open solidity. They went back into the hollow ground, and quickly pushed the rest of the universe aside. * * * On the very border of the Outer Rim sat a star with only one orbit around it. That orbit was occupied by two bodies: the hollow moon, Klokne, and its uninhabited planet, SRP-740133NX. SRP-740133NX was a small, rocky, dying world. It had, millenniums ago, been sparsely decorated with lush forests, some which had even harbored the smallest of insectoid life. But now its time had gone, and it became a celestial punching bag for all sorts of asteroids and comets. In a rare circumstance, SRP-740133NX had become the astral protector of its moon. Klokne was in much better shape than its host, with very few craters and cracks. It had never had forests, but if there had been a contest for best homeworld, Klokne would have won, at least in this system. Its atmosphere, mostly contained within its hollow core, was nearly pure water vapor, which suited its inhabitants - who were still alive, unlike that of SRP-740133NX - just fine, since they had no need for oxygen. These lifeforms, as they would find out later in history, were similar to mynocks, though not genetically linked. These "mynocks," later called "Kloknii," were pale, fleshy, reptilian birds, with six orange eyes and separate wings and arms. Actually, if it were not for the well-known appearance of mynocks, the Kloknii would have easily passed as tiny men with disproportionately large wings. But, compared to the mynocks, they were not tiny at all - they were nearly 1.5 meters tall. That was not all that separated them from the famed space parasites. The Kloknii were sentient. They had intelligent thought, and were considered capable of developing technology if they chose to. That is why, after years of study, the Republic sent a Jedi down to the moon, in a protective enviro-suit, to introduce them to the galaxy at large. But there was something the Republic did not understand. When the Kloknii had taken the first steps towards intelligent thought, when they had formed the first groups reminiscent of a society, they had also broken through the ground. They had evolved within the moon, inside its one, monstrous cavern, never thinking of something being beyond their stone walls. Then one flew into a large rock and dislodged it, revealing a great expanse beyond its hole. It and several others flew carefully out into this new frontier, and told others of its hospitality. The sudden magnificence of their discovery put a yearn for adventure and excitement into the Kloknii race, and hundreds of them decided to go farther - up and out, as far as they could go. Swarms of Kloknii, some of them numbering in the thousands, flew up to the sky, their wings strong enough to escape the moon's feeble gravity. As the faint blue orb slid behind them, they were dazzled by the brilliance of the stars in their view, and then - they died. All of them. Hard vacuum clamped down on them, squeezing their life away. The spectacle, thousands of lifeforms exploding into bloody puffs of red, was visible from the ground. It scared adventure right out of the brains of most Kloknii. They had learned that space was deadly. Mothers warned their children to stay away from it, the worst of criminals were sent to die in it, and whole religions were built around and against it. But some kept pushing, thinking themselves be strong enough to survive the black death. Eventually, the entire species retreated back inside their old, safe caverns, and sealed all paths to the outside. And now, after centuries of isolation, fear, and distrust, a man with mystical powers they had never seen before clothed in armor they had never seen before dropped out a ship they had never seen before, and welcomed them to a galaxy they had inhabited for generations. They were surprised when the strangers expressed shock to their reaction. They attacked the intruder. They swarmed him, ultimately fracturing his suit and exposing him to a pure water atmosphere. He died quickly, lacking the oxygen Kloknii had no need for. Later, after a brief standoff that almost became a war, the Kloknii and the Republic became allies. The Klokne system was represented in the Senate, and the Senate shared technology such as the the repulsorlift and hyperdrive with them. Soon tiny men with disproportionately large wings were spread throughout the galaxy, as common as a Toydarian or Rodian. Rel'miar was one of those galactic citizens. He was also one of the twenty or so Kloknii that people called "Jedi" had discovered to be "Force-sensitive." He had not known what any of it meant until a few months earlier, when he had been brought to a temple on Coruscant to be trained. But now he knew that being Force-sensitive meant you had wondrous powers; he could move anything with a simple thought, and take a life with a simple swing of his new, green "lightsaber." But he had also learned that the Force had bad qualities, as well. The evil Sith, he had been told, threatened the galaxy at all times. They murdered, stole, and manipulated, all for their own gain. He was also told that the Sith were attacking the Republic every chance they got, and it was his duty to fight them. He ceased his impromptu investigation into himself and shook his head to clear his thoughts. Activating his lightsaber, he walked off the transport and stepped onto the frozen soil of Hoth. He had a war to fight. ----- There ya go. Updates should becoming whenever, because as you all will soon know I am incredibly lazy. -----signature----- All stories are be in the profile. "If God hadn't wanted them to be sheared, he would not have made them sheep! Now, what do you say?" "Ride on."
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Darth_Yuthura Registered: Nov '07	Date Posted: 5/18 7:31am Subject: RE: Claustrophobic Emptiness
	Welcome to theforce.net I liked the vivid descriptions of the present situation and corresponding events. It adds more dimension to the story. I don't know much about the main character, but I'm looking forward to the next post.
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JadeSolo Title: NSF managing NSWFF Registered: Sep '02	Date Posted: 5/18 3:28pm Subject: RE: Claustrophobic Emptiness
	That's a badass opening paragraph, for sure. He ceased his impromptu investigation into himself Ha! Loved that he's introspective one moment, and then all business the next. -----signature----- "If you expect a kick in the balls and you get a slap in the face, it's a victory." "May God bless you and keep you always...I mean that in a civic deist way." -Prof. Siegel "No guaranteed money, but all guaranteed fun!"
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VaderLVR64 Title: Fan Fic Manager in Combat Boots Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 5/19 7:38am Subject: RE: Claustrophobic Emptiness
	Wonderful! Please PM me when you update, whenever that might be. -----signature----- If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories. Proud New Army Mom - off to bootcamp!
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Dar_manda Registered: Dec '07	Date Posted: 5/19 8:32am Subject: RE: Claustrophobic Emptiness
	I like this. You are very descriptive. -----signature----- Padawan to Darth_Gangrenous Karen Traviss For MANDALORE!! No I'm not going to kill ya! I need a sprinkle you onion! - The Hitcher Proud Fan-fic Padawan to BrentusofGath.
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Zelda_Death Registered: May '08	Date Posted: 5/25 10:10pm Subject: RE: Claustrophobic Emptiness - Date Edited: 5/25 11:30pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Zelda_Death
	Grr. Grammatical errors in my first post but I can't edit it. "He had war to fight?" Jesus Christ. And thanks everybody, I can only hope this update is as good as the first. It was one of those instances where I was inspired and just had to type it all out. I might have to actually think now. ----- His transport lifted off the ground behind him, and it kicked what little of the soil that was loose into the air around him. He intentionally breathed deep, the high moisture in the air reminding him of his home's atmosphere. Then he refocused himself, and looked at those near him. A mere handful of Jedi Knights, they were only a small part of General Hoth's Army of Light. But they thought of themselves as the boost the battle needed. Most of them leaped into the fight, aiming their sabers at Sith meters away. Rel'miar didn't need to leap - he spread his wings out of the custom holes in his robe and flew into the air. After adding the power of the Force to his wings, he began zooming across the permafrost battlefield towards what he saw as the most intense swarm of combat. Swarm. He liked swarms. His instructors told him he used improper lightsaber form, but he knew not what that meant. He simply swung his sword at the enemy. Having swarms of enemies made it more likely that his swings would land. Swarms were a welcome thing to Rel'miar, and so he flew straight into a northern swarm of red lightsabers. It was where he could perform best. It was not incredibly organized warfare. Armored fighters and arms-length beams of light formed dense pockets of chaos all throughout the landscape. Some were dominated in numbers by the Brotherhood of Darkness and others Jedi, while some were an indistinguishable mush. His learning had not advanced far enough to know which cluster was the most tactically viable, so he gave in to his natural instinct to chase down the weakest enemy. One small group only had a few Sith, so he dived towards it, blade held ready. He sliced through the handful of enemies, turned quickly in the air, and dived again. It was his own unique fighting style, and it seemed to be working. With his third pass, all the red sabers in the area were extinguished. He gained altitude once again, and saw that only two circles of death remained, one small and one consisting of at least 200 combatants. The Jedi he had just helped ran towards the large swarm, and he went off to the other. It was around two-thirds Sith, but was still an easier target than the main battle. He sliced, turned, and repeated a few times until all the enemies there were dead as well. The Jedi turned to join the main battle and he soared right above them. The battle had shaped itself into an elongated oval, with a divide going straight down it. On the left was a mass of red - red Sith armor and red Sith lightsabers. On the right was a semicircle of varying degrees of brown, along with multiple colors of lightsabers - the Jedi. Once they were in range, Rel'miar lobbed his saber at the left side, and attempted to pull it back to him through the Force. He still needed training. His blade, after cutting down three or so enemies, landed and deactivated amidst the bloody snow. He kept calling on it, but it did not return to his hand. One thoughtful Jedi Knight below him noticed his plight and threw him a spare saber, this one a brilliant blue. He growled his thanks and sped ahead into the red cloud. It wasn't until later he realized he had thanked the man in his native language, which they would not understand, but it didn't matter. As he got the edge of the Sith he reared up, back through the fog, for a more powerful dive. He lunged back down, his new lightsaber held just below his stomach, as fast as he could. Putting all his strength and Force energy into his wings, he actually began to feel heat on his skin from the blistering speed. He ripped through the Brotherhood of Darkness's frontline forces, swaying his saber back and forth in order to get more kills, and put at least two meters between the beginning of the Jedi and the newly foremost of the Sith. When he turned for another swoop, he stopped. The surprise of his attack had stalled the Sith, and the gap had given the Jedi enough room to gain momentum for a charge. They were now running through the Sith as quickly and assuredly as if they were running them over. The brown, blue, and green mass devoured the red, until the only remnant of the Sith army left was its blood. After an initial victory cry, he flew higher and surveyed the battlefield. There were no more Sith. The Jedi had won. He had won. He dropped back down to the ice, cheering, and the Dreadnaught transports followed him. He and his fellow Jedi were arranged into the same groups they had started the battle with, minus very few dead. Then they informally marched back onto their ships, which promptly went back into the sky, ready to take them to their next battle. Below, he saw the bravest of wampas coming out of their caves to scoop up the Sith that had been left behind. "A fitting end," a Twi'lek next to him said, also looking through the viewport. Relmy, as they called him, smiled in the peculiar way Kloknii smile. Ever since he had been transplanted to Coruscant, he had felt misplaced. He had thirsted for adventure all throughout the galaxy, but had a feeling that he belonged back on Klokne. But now he felt at peace. He had found his calling. He liked the idea of being moved constantly around the galaxy, and enjoyed the energy and excitement of war. More importantly, he was good at it. His fast and furious style of combat made it hard for the sensors to count, but their modest guess was that he had killed about 40 men. Next time, he would do better. ----- There better not be any errors this time. -.- -----signature----- All stories are be in the profile. "If God hadn't wanted them to be sheared, he would not have made them sheep! Now, what do you say?" "Ride on."
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VaderLVR64 Title: Fan Fic Manager in Combat Boots Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 5/27 6:00am Subject: RE: Claustrophobic Emptiness
	"A fitting end," a Twi'lek next to him said, also looking through the viewport. Relmy, as they called him, smiled in the peculiar way Kloknii smile. Ever since he had been transplanted to Coruscant, he had felt misplaced. He had thirsted for adventure all throughout the galaxy, but had a feeling that he belonged back on Klokne. But now he felt at peace. He had found his calling. He liked the idea of being moved constantly around the galaxy, and enjoyed the energy and excitement of war. More importantly, he was good at it. His fast and furious style of combat made it hard for the sensors to count, but their modest guess was that he had killed about 40 men. Next time, he would do better. Wonderful! I can't wait for more. -----signature----- If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories. Proud New Army Mom - off to bootcamp!
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Zelda_Death Registered: May '08	Date Posted: 6/15 2:12am Subject: RE: Claustrophobic Emptiness
	If it being three weeks since I last posted doesn't tell you something, this will: I'm not gonna be finishing this. I've tried typing it out, I've gotten full pages written, and then I've deleted them. Like I said, this was one of those times were I was just inspired, but unfortunately that hasn't stayed with me. When I finally think of somewhere to take this, the character is boring. When I get the character to be interesting, it doesn't fit the story I have planned. After three weeks of trying to work through this writer's block/writer's suckiness, I have been awarded no good material. Kinda sucks too. I really liked that first post... Ah well. That's life, to quote Frank Sinatra. -----signature----- All stories are be in the profile. "If God hadn't wanted them to be sheared, he would not have made them sheep! Now, what do you say?" "Ride on."
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