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Topic:
Pocket Pants **Challenge Viggie. Loads of Embarrassment**
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BaronCoop
Registered:
Mar '06
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Date Posted:
5/27 8:20pm
Subject:
Pocket Pants **Challenge Viggie. Loads of Embarrassment**
- Date Edited:
5/29 3:27pm (2 edits total)
Edited By:
BaronCoop
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Title: Pocket Pants
Author: Baroncoop
Characters: Bunch of fairly nameless OC padawans
Timeframe: pre-saga
Summary: I know I would too.
Notes: Written for the New First Sentence Challenge.
“Is that a lightsaber in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
The expression on the face of the pretty girl in front of me told me how badly I had messed up my pick-up line before my brain could finish screaming in terror at my own stupidity.
“Um, excuse me?” She asked, and I could see her scoping out the exits in case she needed to make a quick escape. Fortunately, the smoky and dim atmosphere of the bar made it impossible for her to see the deep red that my face turned. Too bad it did nothing to make the next things out of my mouth sound any better.
“I mean, it’s a lightsaber in MY pocket, not yours. But I’m also happy to see you. Not that I know you or anything. I’m just a happy kind of guy. With a lightsaber in my pants. Pocket! I mean pocket pants! I mean look…….” As I fumbled to get my lightsaber out of my pockets I paused with my hand inside my robe and had an out-of-body experience, mainly because my mind was trying to escape the horror of what my body was doing. You know how sometimes a very nervous awkward introduction can be endearing and cute once the ice has been broken? If her eyes were any indication, this was not going to be one of those. No, this was going to be more along the lines of have-a-bouncer-escort-her-to-her-speeder-fast kind of introductions. Trust me, I know the type.
I hung my head in shame, and to her credit, the girl I was trying to pick up knew she didn’t have to say a word, though I did see her friend’s hand curl around a can of mace in her purse, just in case. Can’t be too careful I suppose. Lots of creeps out there after all.
I shuffled back to the booth I shared with the other padawans in shame, my head buried in my chest. Jedi train their pupils from a young age to show little to no emotion, but apparently that only extends to galaxy wide sacrifices and death and destruction. Asking your friends not to laugh when you humiliate yourself in front of a girl is asking too much.
“Seriously Cray, you tried to show her your lightsaber?!?”
“Pocket pants!”
“Man, you are never to going to pass your jedi trials with moves like THAT.”
“Pocket! Pants!”
Those were some of the nicer comments that I could hear over the hysterical laughter. Not that I didn’t deserve them. I knew for a fact that I would be laughing just as hard if anyone else had struck out that badly, but that was the point. No one else EVER struck out as bad as I did. I wasn’t angry at my friends, but I was getting frustrated with my lack of success with the opposite sex. It wasn’t a lack of nerves, it was just a general awkwardness around women, and absolutely no knowledge of what women want that created the disaster at the bar earlier, and the ones just like it every night for as long as I could remember.
I realized that I looked forward to the life-threatening missions that I excelled at. Give me a fight with an army of mercenaries armed with thermal detonators riding banthas and rancors all day. Just don’t let me try to talk to any women afterwards.
The more I looked back on my history with women, the more frustrated I became the more so because I knew what I was really like, not the stammering idiot-flasher that they saw in front of them. The rage at myself continued to build higher and higher until a moment of clarity overcame me.
In an instant I realized that my trial was upon me. My master, Ola had told me that I would know when my Trial had begun, and this was it. The Jedi Trials differ from person to person, and they always include a choice between light and dark, responsible and rash, and an overcoming of weakness. This was my weakness, and suddenly I knew the choice I had to make. It didn’t take me long before I stood up and strode purposefully back to the bar.
My fellow padawans stared in shock as I approached the same pair of girls that I had humiliated myself in front of before. They had never seen me so confident outside of the battlefield, nor had they felt the force flowing around me as powerfully as it did then.
After a quick wave of my hand, the girls forgot my earlier attempts at seduction and with a few nudges of the force, both were soon ooh-ing and aah-ing at my lightsaber and my charm and wit. As I walked out the front door with the two admiring ladies on my arms, I caught the eyes of my shocked and speechless friends and smirked at them.
I think I failed my Jedi Trial, but I kind of like the Dark Side right about now.
-----signature-----
Vote Palpatine/Vader '08! Or Else!
Sith Happens
Have a Nice Day! Or Else!
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azizah
Registered:
Sep '06
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Date Posted:
5/27 9:39pm
Subject:
RE: Pocket Pants
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Alright, I almost did not bite but the title got me. And that line was my absolute favorite part of this hysterical fic.  I am still laughing.
Brilliant challenge response.
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monkeykelci
Registered:
Apr '08
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Date Posted:
5/27 11:04pm
Subject:
RE: Pocket Pants
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Oh dear me..
That's the best/worst pick up line ever.
It's funnier than heck when used right..
But if you're really going around telling girls you have a lightsaber in your pocket..
Embrace the dark side you will!!
Wonderfully funny story, Baron. I loved it!
 
-----signature-----
Hockey players wear numbers
because you can’t always
identify the body with dental records.
Padawan Learner to Oddball_62!! =]
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Jaina_and_Jag
Registered:
Apr '03
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Date Posted:
5/27 11:08pm
Subject:
RE: Pocket Pants
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Oh goodness! Any boy would like the darkside if it got him a couple of hot dates.
What an interesting way to take the sentence. Not to mention hilarious!
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dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
5/28 9:28am
Subject:
RE: Pocket Pants
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Very funny. I must admit that the title drew me in. Such an odd one.
I loved the last line!
Good job
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Lola64
Registered:
Mar '05
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Date Posted:
5/30 11:58am
Subject:
RE: Pocket Pants **Challenge Viggie. Loads of Embarrassment**
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I knew this sentence was going to bring some interesting responses. This one is priceless!
"I mean, it’s a lightsaber in MY pocket, not yours. But I’m also happy to see you. Not that I know you or anything. I’m just a happy kind of guy. With a lightsaber in my pants. Pocket! I mean pocket pants! I mean look…….”
That poor boy. And to have his friends nearby? Oh the humiliation. 
After a quick wave of my hand, the girls forgot my earlier attempts at seduction and with a few nudges of the force, both were soon ooh-ing and aah-ing at my lightsaber and my charm and wit. As I walked out the front door with the two admiring ladies on my arms, I caught the eyes of my shocked and speechless friends and smirked at them.
I think I failed my Jedi Trial, but I kind of like the Dark Side right about now.
Yeah, I'm kind of thinking that's not what Master Ola had in mind.
Awesome entry to the challenge BC.
-----signature-----
Kyp/Nurse Lola: the new ship  I stalk people. It's a Lola thing. Senator & Dozen 11 of the KDFC
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Valairy_Scot
Title: PT Rewrite Winner
Registered:
Sep '05
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Date Posted:
6/2 12:14am
Subject:
RE: Pocket Pants **Challenge Viggie. Loads of Embarrassment**
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No more needs to be said.
Dang it, it must be your fault I went all slapstick in a chapter of a very non-slapstick story. Slapstick and - hey, if I work in the challenge line - 
Great job!
-----signature-----
http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25405090/p3/?52 Prolific Author thread: list & links there. Muse fueled by coffee. Often AWOL despite frequent sipping. Writes on inspiration, not a schedule. Proud master of several padawans
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PadwanKayla
Registered:
Jul '05
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Date Posted:
6/3 3:46pm
Subject:
RE: Pocket Pants **Challenge Viggie. Loads of Embarrassment**
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First story I've read on the boards in ages and it had my cracking up. Very well done answer to the challenge and loved how it ended.
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NaNoWriMo 2007 Winner at 87142!
Sanity is just a frame of mind
This is where the fun begins
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