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Author	Topic: Snippets from Melida/Daan AU JA Obi-Wan Qui-Gon angst family
AbigailsNose Registered: Jun '08	Date Posted: 6/15 9:50am Subject: Snippets from Melida/Daan AU JA Obi-Wan Qui-Gon angst family
	I wrote these snippets while ago when I was planning to write a fanfic on what might have happened if Obi-Wan had remained on Melida/Daan permanently. I never got around to writing the full story, but when I rediscovered these snippets I wondered what other people might think of them. I'll post this first one, and please, please, review and criticise! Don't hold back, honestly! -----signature----- I know not with what weapons WWIII will be fought, but WW IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Einstein For two are better than one, for they can help each other succeed. But pity the man who falls alone, and has no one to help him up. Ecc.4:9
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AbigailsNose Registered: Jun '08	Date Posted: 6/15 9:52am Subject: RE: Snippets from Melida/Daan AU JA Obi-Wan Qui-Gon angst family
	So you understand the backstory of this first snippet, Cerasi and Nield died, leaving Obi-Wan as the new leader of the Young. In an attempt to rescue some of their captured comrades, Obi-Wan is captured by the Daan, while the others escaped. SNIPPET ONE The cell was silent, and the silence was oppressive. He could hear his own breathing echo back to him, ringing strangely and seeming to come from everywhere at once. In his boredom, he had tried to pinpoint it, to no avail. He had then tried to work out how long the sound of his breathing took to bounce off the wall in front and back to his ears, if the speed of sound was 337m/s in this temperature it was an approximate distance of 1.0m, making it 1.0m x 2 = ST. Or if 1.0m could be called y: 2y x 2 = ST. That had kept him occupied for a while, but once he had exhausted all the possible variables in his approximations and worked out a variety of correct answers, his mind had nothing left to distract itself from itself. Except possibly that last sentence. Obi-Wan’s ankles and knees were getting stiff, so he awkwardly shifted his feet to point in a different direction. His wrists were cuffed behind him and a bag had been tied over his hands so he couldn’t even use his fingers. A few links connected his cuffs to the wall, so he had no room to manoeuvre. When he first came in, he had been forced onto his knees and pushed backwards so the guard could lean over him and attach his cuffs to the wall. That was because the cell was so narrow, two people couldn’t stand next to each other. Hence Obi-Wan was forced to stay on his knees, because there were neither enough room nor chain links for him to move. He crouched uncomfortably in the dark cell, the suffocating silence weighing down on him. He reached for the Force, wanting to feel its comforting touch on his mind and cried out involuntarily, pulling his bloodied chin in tight to his bruised chest. A deafening drum thumped in his head with each heartbeat. His breathing grew noisier as he gritted his teeth and bore it grimly, trying to breathe through his nose. The clotting blood in his nose bubbled and choked him. He snorted hard and dimly heard it splatter to the floor. Only a single whimper escaped him as the headache throbbed. Gradually, the pain subsided, but he could still feel the blood pumping through every vein in his skull. He felt sure they must have been bulging with every pulse. Obviously, he had been injected with some sort of Force suppressant. He had never encountered them before, but he had been taught a little about them in his Temple classes. He supposed there were some that could cause severe headaches if he tried to access the Force. As a Padawan he would have learnt how to purge some of them from his body, but as a normal person (says the blindfolded boy sitting in a cell) he didn’t know how. But he was worried. That meant that the Daan knew he was a Force-user, and obviously thought he was enough of a threat that he needed drugged. What else did they know? He doubted anyone knew he was a Jedi, but it was always possible… The pain lingered at the back of his head for the longest before vanishing altogether, and he wondered at it for several minutes before realising it must have been a hit on the head there that knocked him out. He hoped he wasn’t brain damaged. How would he know if he was? His spine stiffened and the hairs on the back of his neck rose up and he heard a distant noise. He concentrated hard. The sound vanished. Then it reappeared a moment later, so distant he wasn’t entirely sure it was there. It increased in volume. With a start, Obi-Wan realised it was footsteps. He couldn’t be sure, but there sounded like there were two or three pairs of booted feet coming in his direction. He slid into a proper meditation position and closed his eyes, schooling his features to utter serenity. At least, he hoped his eyes were closed. It was difficult to tell in the pitch black. The door hissed open. “There,” grunted a mature male voice. “Right,” grunted another, clumping in. Obi-Wan felt the man lean over him, presumably to unclip his cuffs. “Not a pretty sight, is he?” remarked a female voice from the door. That was unusual. Girls weren’t usually employed as guards. Obi-Wan opened his eyes to see, just as the guard yanked him up by the shoulders. His headache returned full-force and Obi-Wan slumped silently in the man’s grasp. Time jumped forward, and Obi-Wan lifted his dully-throbbing head slightly to find himself in a different room, though still pitch black. He was lying on his stomach on a stone floor and there were still hands on his arms, holding him down. Slowly, his hearing returned too, and he heard someone speaking as if they were far away and separated by a wall. He couldn’t make it out at first, but as he focused, he could hear words, spoken with a thick Melida/Daan accent. There was something cool brushing the back of his head. It was the female he’d heard before that was speaking. She was to one side of him, gripping his forearm with one hand. Her surprisingly thick fingers had him in a vice-like grip, and were probably bruising his bruises. The guard on the other side was no different. Obi-Wan let out a soft moan of protest. It was so quiet he didn’t even think they heard. Obi-Wan screwed up his face and opened his eyes a crack, but the lights were off and he couldn’t see anything. He dismissed it for now, and tuned into the conversation. “But then what’s the blood from?” a man’s voice said from in front of him. High in front of him. Obi-Wan dubbed him Lofty. “Not the head, anyway,” the woman replied. It was her fingers that were probing the back of his head, Obi-Wan realised. He dubbed her Fingers. “So he’s got a head injury,” the guard on his other side groaned. “Great.” The cool fingers withdrew. Distracted, Obi-Wan couldn’t think of a name for the man. “What does it matter?” Fingers asked, amused. Obi-Wan could almost hear the scorn before the man even spoke. “Well, he obviously can’t stand. Slight problem.” Lofty spoke next. He definitely sounded annoyed. “I’m not wasting healing supplies on this wretch. Just don’t lift him up for a minute. Make him stand on his own.” “He’s awake,” No-Name said suddenly. Obi-Wan lay very still. The man hit him in the ribs. By pure luck, he hit the same place the bar had hit him earlier. Obi-Wan hissed and curled in reflexively. “Stand up, boy,” Lofty ordered. The guards pulled him up to his knees, but Obi-Wan didn’t move. The guard hit him again, in the same spot. Obi-Wan cried out. Hastily, he struggled to his feet, still unable to see what he was doing. Halfway up he stumbled, but the guards caught him and he stood, putting all his weight on his right leg. His left ankle was unable to support much weight. If Lofty noticed, he didn’t care. “Too slow, boy,” the supervisor barked. “If you were in a real army, you’d know that.” Obi-Wan ignored the dig at the Young. It was true, after all. It occurred to him that these people might not know he was the leader. He kept quiet. “Boy!” Lofty thundered. “When I speak, I expect an answer!” That makes no sense, thought Obi-Wan disgustedly. It sounds like you want me to say something every time you speak. Yes, I’m sure you’d love that. “Yes, sir,” Obi-Wan murmured meekly. That seemed to pacify the invisible man. He gave some sort of signal to the guards and they moved off, dragging a limping Obi-Wan with them. That was when it sunk in; the guards could see. It wasn’t the lights that weren’t working, it was… Obi-Wan made some sort of strangled gasping noise and pulled away. The guards held on tightly, ready to pulverise him when he ran, but their teenage prisoner was shaking his head wildly, rubbing his shoulder against his face desperately. The guards exchanged looks. The boy must have been hit harder than they thought. They wrestled him the rest of the way. He was eventually subdued with threats of dismemberment, but his eyes flickered wildly, darting continually from side to side, seeking something that wasn’t there, stretched wide open even in the brightly lit corridors. Obi-Wan refused to believe it. There was no blindfold on his face, nor was there a knife wound or any other visible sign – nothing was visible now – that something was wrong. He forced himself to calm. He needed calm to recall his datapad exactly and remember his studies from sentient biology. Fatigue after head injury can be one of the most limiting symptoms because it affects everything a person does…Difficulties with balance can be caused by damage to the back of the skull… Headaches range from mild, occasional inconvenience to nearly total incapacitation…Processing what the eyes see is carried out in the occipital lobes at the back of the brain. Damage here can result in either full or partial blindness, or gaps in the visual field… -----signature----- I know not with what weapons WWIII will be fought, but WW IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Einstein For two are better than one, for they can help each other succeed. But pity the man who falls alone, and has no one to help him up. Ecc.4:9
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C1-J2 Registered: May '07	Date Posted: 6/15 10:34pm Subject: RE: Snippets from Melida/Daan AU JA Obi-Wan Qui-Gon angst family
	He's blind?!? This sounds awesome (well not Kenobi being blinded, but the story line and such)! It was very well written, too. I always wanted to write something about Obi-Wan staying in Melida/Daan, but never did get to it. It's a shame there isn't more Melida/Daan fanfic out there Cerasi was one of my favorite characters. Anyways, great story and looking forward to more. My only complaint was the math problem, way TOO much thinking for summer vacation and of course I wanted to try and solve it. If you do PMs, would you please add me to the list? -----signature----- The Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear? Psalm 27:1 ". . . you will never again be frightened by what you might have become. Or indeed, by what your future might make you." -Lucien Percival Smith, The Boys Next Door Christian1st-Jedi2n
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VaderLVR64 Title: Fan Fic Manager in Combat Boots Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 6/16 4:34am Subject: RE: Snippets from Melida/Daan AU JA Obi-Wan Qui-Gon angst family
	Fatigue after head injury can be one of the most limiting symptoms because it affects everything a person does…Difficulties with balance can be caused by damage to the back of the skull… Headaches range from mild, occasional inconvenience to nearly total incapacitation…Processing what the eyes see is carried out in the occipital lobes at the back of the brain. Damage here can result in either full or partial blindness, or gaps in the visual field… Oh, nice twist! Please PM me when you update, this looks good! -----signature----- If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories. Proud New Army Mom - off to bootcamp!
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AbigailsNose Registered: Jun '08	Date Posted: 6/19 9:38am Subject: RE: Snippets from Melida/Daan AU JA Obi-Wan Qui-Gon angst family
	This is the second snippet I wrote, and I think the only other one I'm going to post. The others are rather more obscure, and less likely to be understood in the slightest. This takes place shortly after Qui-Gon leaves Obi-Wan on Melida/Daan, so NO he is not yet blinded at this stage. Sorry, I really should have had the foresight to post them chronologically! Just to clear some things up, this isn't a chronological fanfic. These are nothing more than screenshots, if you will, of a story I planned to write but never got around to. Everyone relax about Obi-Wan being blinded, it was as a result of a head injury that eventally heals. SPECIAL THANKS to C1-J2, my first ever reviewer! Lots of love! Thanks also due to VaderLVR64, for taking the time to review! The atmosphere in the quiet alley was subdued at best. Most children huddled together in groups for comfort, stamping their feet and rubbing their grimy hands together nervously. Dried mud flaked off to reveal pale skin underneath. Living underground didn’t do much for your tan. Only a few metres from where they shivered, masked Melida Elders stood in the street, completely unaware of the haunted eyes of the children watching them. The Elders wore hoods over their heads with slight slits to reveal thin lips and hard eyes. Their dark clothes blended with the shadows and the buildings, charred from arson and bombs. Even their guns were an ugly, gleaming black, so the only colour was the Melida flag prominent on each of their chests. It was an unspoken challenge and declaration of loyalty; these men and women were willing to take a bullet in the heart for their colours. The flags on Melida/Daan were the backbone of each side. These flags were the pride of those that carried them. It was more than their life’s worth to let them fall into enemy hands. Cerasi stood alone, as close as she could safely get to the street. From here, she could clearly see the cold eyes that peered out of their masks. The impersonal mask alone struck fear into her heart, and for once she couldn’t hide it. Her usual calm demeanour was gone and she was mortified to find her throat closing up. She swallowed furiously and blinked repeatedly. It was just because she was so tired. She hadn’t slept in…a while, and it was all catching up on her. But that was no excuse. Tears had no place on an assignment, and neither did family ties. Just because that was her father a few metres away with a blaster in his hand and three bottle bombs on his belt didn’t change anything. There was a shout from an Elder and he or she pointed down the street. For a heart-stopping second, Cerasi thought Nield or Obi-Wan’s unit had been spotted, but she swiftly realised that the Daan had arrived to defend their hard-won territory. Exactly as Obi-Wan had predicted. Zehava was currently under Daan control (Cerasi had checked the flag at the main gate just that morning) and as such, there was a very low chance of them tolerating Melida presence at one of the most prominent sites in the city for more than a few hours. Especially here, at the Halls of Evidence. In preparation for the inevitable confrontation, the Young had hastily constructed a plan of action and positioned themselves strategically in the streets around the Halls. Cerasi inched forward slightly. The Melida Elders in front of her had moved back slightly as they fell into positions, so now her group was trapped in the stretch between the Melida and the Daan. Already, Cerasi could make out a few of the Young from Obi-Wan’s unit leave the safety of their own alleyway and creep towards the centre of the action. The majority of Obi-Wan’s unit were hidden further up the street and on the other side, so they were nearer the approaching Daan. Nield had snipers spread out along the street roofs in case something went wrong. Obi-Wan’s intuition had served them well to get them into such secure positions. For once, the Young had the upper hand. She motioned for the children behind her to get ready. Hopefully, they wouldn’t need to even leave this alley. They were here to get the negotiators out if Obi-Wan failed. They weren’t here to fight. Tensely Cerasi kept her eyes on the two figures who had boldly left the relative cover of the walls and were standing in the middle of the street. To all appearances, Obi-Wan and Hilsea were unarmed and incredibly vulnerable. In actual fact they both had small stun-blasters up their sleeves, but that wasn’t important. What was important was that they both had their hands up in a non-threatening gesture, one facing each side. “Put down your weapons,” Hilsea shouted. “Fighting solves nothing!” “Move it before you’re shot!” a Daan screamed back. “This war is pointless!” Obi-Wan called bravely. “No-one can win! The only thing you can achieve is more deaths!” It wasn’t working. “Get outta the way, you morons!” shrieked a woman. “If you shoot, we’ll be silenced. But you can never silence all of your enemies,” Obi-Wan declared. “Murder is the easy way out, the coward’s path. Peace is harder. You should fight for peace!” No one listened. “Shift,” growled a Melida close to Cerasi. His deep, gravelly voice made her jump. That was an old friend of her cousin. She couldn’t remember his name, but she knew him. Now he was hefting a blaster in his hand and aiming it at Obi-Wan’s head. Cerasi’s blood ran cold. Every muscle screamed at her to jump at him and yank it out of his hand. But she would just startle the Elders and endanger Obi-Wan, and probably everyone else as well. The second a blaster was fired, this battle was lost. Obi-Wan looked the man squarely in the eye. “No,” he said in steely tones. “There must be no more killings on this planet.” “We’re all sentient beings,” Hilsea spoke up. Her upraised hands shook, but her voice was strong. “There is no reason for us to brawl like animals.” “They’re the animals!” howled a Daan. More blasters went up, safety catches snapped off. The situation was hopeless now. “Us?” cried a horrifyingly familiar voice. “You killed my wife!” Cerasi flinched involuntarily. “Then you agree that all this killing is bad,” Hilsea said eagerly. “No-one should kill.” “Damn straight,” her father spat, and raised his blaster. A number of things happened. Obi-Wan, apparently realising the same thing Cerasi had, yelled, ‘Down!’ and threw himself and Hilsea on the ground. The shot cracked over his head and hit a Daan. The Young snipers opened fire a split second before the Elders and six men in the front line crumpled, blasters slipping from slackened hands. And Cerasi felt all logic leave her as she ran forward. “Stop!” she shouted. “This can’t happen!” Distantly, she heard someone scream at her to get back. She ignored them and plunged on. The bolt hit her squarely in the centre of the chest. It burst her heart so fast she didn’t even have time to acknowledge the pain. She stumbled, her legs suddenly disconnected from her brain and she hit the ground. The last thing she saw before her vision went black was Obi-Wan’s terrified, blood spattered face looming over her, lips working frantically, soundlessly. She wanted to speak to him, for him to tell her father she still loved him, and she was sorry she left. She wanted to clutch Obi-Wan’s hand and tell him to stop crying, that he must bring peace to Melida/Daan. She wanted to tell him…she wanted to… But he wasn’t there anymore. What did you think? Did anything make you LAUGH? SURPRISE you? DISGUST you? Make you think, WHAT AM I READING THIS FOR? Anything at all is extremely welcome! PLEASE REVIEW! -----signature----- I know not with what weapons WWIII will be fought, but WW IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Einstein For two are better than one, for they can help each other succeed. But pity the man who falls alone, and has no one to help him up. Ecc.4:9
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ClaudiaR Registered: Jun '07	Date Posted: 6/19 12:17pm Subject: RE: Snippets from Melida/Daan AU JA Obi-Wan Qui-Gon angst family
	very interesting t write from Cerasi's pov of the fight i liked it... and I am glad is only temporarily blinded -----signature----- LURK&STALK It takes a specialist to do it right " Getting to stalk around importantly was quickly becoming the best part of pretending to be a Sith. " Obi-Wan in Deptions by Amrita_Glittersong
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VaderLVR64 Title: Fan Fic Manager in Combat Boots Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 6/19 1:50pm Subject: RE: Snippets from Melida/Daan AU JA Obi-Wan Qui-Gon angst family
	Oh nicely done! The ending was superb. The bolt hit her squarely in the centre of the chest. It burst her heart so fast she didn’t even have time to acknowledge the pain. She stumbled, her legs suddenly disconnected from her brain and she hit the ground. The last thing she saw before her vision went black was Obi-Wan’s terrified, blood spattered face looming over her, lips working frantically, soundlessly. She wanted to speak to him, for him to tell her father she still loved him, and she was sorry she left. She wanted to clutch Obi-Wan’s hand and tell him to stop crying, that he must bring peace to Melida/Daan. She wanted to tell him…she wanted to… But he wasn’t there anymore. -----signature----- If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories. Proud New Army Mom - off to bootcamp!
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AbigailsNose Registered: Jun '08	Date Posted: 6/19 3:07pm Subject: RE: Snippets from Melida/Daan AU JA Obi-Wan Qui-Gon angst family
	THANKS GUYS! Always happy to get a reply! VaderLVR64 - Thanks! The ending is actually one of my favourite bits, although I think I made it too long and rambling to be truly effective. ClaudiaR - Hey, new reveiwer! Thanks for dropping in! And I could hardly leave our Obi blind for good. I had one of the Jedi heal him in another snippet, but I won't post that one. Anybody else out there? Come on lurkers... -----signature----- I know not with what weapons WWIII will be fought, but WW IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Einstein For two are better than one, for they can help each other succeed. But pity the man who falls alone, and has no one to help him up. Ecc.4:9
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C1-J2 Registered: May '07	Date Posted: 6/19 10:50pm Subject: RE: Snippets from Melida/Daan AU JA Obi-Wan Qui-Gon angst family
	Another great snippet! I really liked this one! It was a very different take on the battle and it was awesome to see it from Cerasi's perspective. I remember being so frustrated when she died the first time I read the JA books. Dried mud flaked off to reveal pale skin underneath. Living underground didn’t do much for your tan. That was a detail I never would have thought of and I thought it was a cool . . . idea? I think that's the word I'm looking for. Take Care, C1 -----signature----- The Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear? Psalm 27:1 ". . . you will never again be frightened by what you might have become. Or indeed, by what your future might make you." -Lucien Percival Smith, The Boys Next Door Christian1st-Jedi2n
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