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Topic:
Eight Silent Ways to Kill a Jedi (Sci-Fi Challenge Response) Plagueis/Sidious
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RX_Sith
Registered:
Mar '06
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Date Posted:
6/26 8:02pm
Subject:
Eight Silent Ways to Kill a Jedi (Sci-Fi Challenge Response) Plagueis/Sidious
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Title: Eight Silent Ways to Kill a Jedi (Sci-Fi Challenge Response) Plagueis/Sidious
Characters: Darth Plagueis, Sith Apprentice Sidious
Summary: What will Darth Plagueis teach his star pupil in the eight silent ways of killing a Jedi.
Notes: Written for the Professor Literati’s Sci-Fi Roulette Challenge.
You have selected #3 from Joe Haldeman's The Forever War:
"Today we're going to show you eight silent ways to kill a man.”
Eight Silent Ways to Kill a Jedi
"Come here my young Apprentice," Plagueis ordered his star pupil who he had bestowed the Sith name of Darth Sidious.
"Yes, my Master," Sidious obliged studiously, "What is your request?"
"I will now teach you something very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very important, do you understand, my young Apprentice," Plagueis instructed him.
"Will it be the manipulation of midi-chlorians, my Master?" Sidious asked with glee.
"Manipulation, bah...," Plagueis scolded him, "What I am about to teach you will be invaluable compared to the mere manipulation of midi-chlorians."
Wow, what could possibly be more awesome than that?" Sidious wondered with sincere piqued interest.
"Come down," Plagueis stated as he patted him on the head, "Patience is a virtue."
"Yeah, but death is golden," Sidious blurted out, "And midi-chlorian manipulation is really what I was looking forward to you teaching me."
"All in good time, my young Apprentice," Plagueis oozed out through gritted teeth, "Now, are you ready for my instruction?"
"I am ready, Master," Sidious bowed in reverence to his Master.
"I will teach you in reverse order the number of different silent ways to kill a Jedi," Plagueis started his lesson, "Number Eight.... drum roll.... is by exercise!"
"Exercise?" Sidious questioned him, "What does exercise have to do with killing a Jedi?"
"Ah.... now that's the trick, isn't it?" Plagueis mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused....
"Master, are you alright?" Sidious interrupted his musing.
"Ah.... see what happened there?" Plagueis beamed with his ugly teeth.
"Nope. What happened?" Sidious wondered if his Master had lost it completely.
"That was an exercise, wasn't it?" Plagueis beamed at him again with his gnarly teeth.
"What exercise?" Sidious asked confused, "You didn't teach me any exercise."
"Ahhh.... now that's the trick, isn't it," Plagueis mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused....
"Just forget it," Sidious interrupted his musing again, "What's the next silent way to kill a Jedi?"
"Ah, yes, the seventh silent way to kill a Jedi is by talking," Plagueis told him plainly.
"Talking about what?" Sidious questioned him.
"Ah... now that's the trick isn't it," Plagueis mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused....
"Master, what are you talking about?" Sidious wondered again if his Master had lost it.
"That's what I just instructed you about," Plagueis answered him succintly, "Talking. The number seven silent way to kill a Jedi. Get it."
Sidious did not, so he just skipped ahead again instead, "Yes. Now what is the next silent way to kill a Jedi?"
"The sixth silent way to kill a Jedi is by walking," Plageuis told him straightly.
"Walking... isn't that pretty similar to exercise?" Sidious asked befuddled.
"Ah... now that's the trick, isn't it," Plagueis mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused....
"Master, please," Sidious begged him while once again interrupting his Master's musing, "Just tell me what the next silent way to kill a Jedi is?"
"The fifth silent way to kill a Jedi is by writing," Plagueis told him proudly.
"Writing? How the hell do you kill a Jedi by writing?" Sidious barked loudly.
"Ah.... now that's the trick, isn't it," Plagueis mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused....
"Master, pullllease stop!" Sidious moaned starting to feel queasy from all of his Master's musing, "Please tell me the next silent way to kill a Jedi?"
"The fourth silent way to kill a Jedi is by wandering," Plagueis told him boldly.
"Wandering? Where to?" Sidious questioned his Master's logic.
"Ah.... now that's the trick, isn't it," Plagueis mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused....
"Master!" Sidious barked out again stopping his Master's musing, "Tell me what the next silent way to kill a Jedi is?"
"The third silent way to kill a Jedi is by reading," Plagueis told him bluntly.
"Reading?" Sidious inquired perplexed, "What the hell do I read to a Jedi?"
"Ah.... now that's the trick, isn't it," Plagueis mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused....
"Master, Master, Master," Sidious repeated to once again interrupt his Master's musing, "Just tell me the next silent way to kill a Jedi?"
"The second silent way to kill a Jedi is by treating," Plagueis told him fiercely.
"Treating?" Sidious questioned his Master's response, "Treating him how?"
"Ah.... now that's the trick, isn't it," Plagueis mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused....
"Oh Master!" Sidious barged in to interrupt his Master again, "Please, just tell me the number one way to kill a Jedi and make it as brief as possible.
"Wow! I am amazed that you guessed it so easily," Plagueis patted him on the top of his head proudly.
"Guessed what?" Sidious asked him befuddled again.
"Ah.... now that's the trick, isn't it," Plagueis mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused....
"Oh, just forget it!" Sidious stormed off upset that his Master had once again mused off to oblivion, "Once he falls asleep, I swear that I'm going to kill him!" he mumbled under his breath.
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DaenaBenjen42
Registered:
May '05
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Date Posted:
6/26 8:32pm
Subject:
RE: Eight Silent Ways to Kill a Jedi (Sci-Fi Challenge Response) Plagueis/Sidious
- Date Edited:
6/26 8:33pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
DaenaBenjen42
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You have selected #3 from Joe Haldeman's The Forever War:
"Today we're going to show you eight silent ways to kill a man.”
I liked The Forever War! (Although... that scene with the video... eek...)
"That's what I just instructed you about," Plagueis answered him succintly, "Talking. The number seven silent way to kill a Jedi. Get it."
Talking silently? Interesting...
"Please, just tell me the number one way to kill a Jedi and make it as brief as possible."
Yes... lest they turn the tables on you...
Well done and good story. 
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e-sis: BrightFeather & BrentusofGath
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KELIA
Title: Moderator: Fan Fiction
Registered:
Jul '05
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Date Posted:
6/27 3:43am
Subject:
RE: Eight Silent Ways to Kill a Jedi (Sci-Fi Challenge Response) Plagueis/Sidious
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I wonder if Sidious will ever figure it out?
"Once he falls asleep, I swear that I'm going to kill him!"
Probably not 
Great response to the challenge
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VaderLVR64
Title: Fan Fic Manager in Combat Boots
Registered:
Feb '04
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Date Posted:
6/27 2:20pm
Subject:
RE: Eight Silent Ways to Kill a Jedi (Sci-Fi Challenge Response) Plagueis/Sidious
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"Oh, just forget it!" Sidious stormed off upset that his Master had once again mused off to oblivion, "Once he falls asleep, I swear that I'm going to kill him!" he mumbled under his breath.
Loved it!
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If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories.
Proud New Army Mom - off to bootcamp!
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sidious618
Registered:
Apr '03
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Date Posted:
6/27 4:15pm
Subject:
RE: Eight Silent Ways to Kill a Jedi (Sci-Fi Challenge Response) Plagueis/Sidious
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Very amusing. Nicely done.
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But in purple, I'm stunning!- Londo Mollari, Babylon 5
Obama '08
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Jade_Pilot
Registered:
Dec '05
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Date Posted:
6/27 5:50pm
Subject:
RE: Eight Silent Ways to Kill a Jedi (Sci-Fi Challenge Response) Plagueis/Sidious
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Now we know why Sidious was always so grumpy!
Well done!
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner
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katriene
Registered:
May '08
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Date Posted:
6/28 9:17pm
Subject:
RE: Eight Silent Ways to Kill a Jedi (Sci-Fi Challenge Response) Plagueis/Sidious
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That is just eeeeevil and sadistic...as a student, I can definitely relate to the lesson plan :P
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Padawan of Toastmaster Etain
In training to be 'well-done!'
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Alexis_Wingstar
Registered:
Sep '06
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Date Posted:
6/29 9:17am
Subject:
RE: Eight Silent Ways to Kill a Jedi (Sci-Fi Challenge Response) Plagueis/Sidious
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I'd have never thought a Sith could have such a great since of humor!
"Oh Master!" Sidious barged in to interrupt his Master again, "Please, just tell me the number one way to kill a Jedi and make it as brief as possible.
"Wow! I am amazed that you guessed it so easily," Plagueis patted him on the top of his head proudly.
"Guessed what?" Sidious asked him befuddled again.
"Ah.... now that's the trick, isn't it," Plagueis mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused.... and mused....
"Oh, just forget it!" Sidious stormed off upset that his Master had once again mused off to oblivion, "Once he falls asleep, I swear that I'm going to kill him!" he mumbled under his breath.
If Sidious only knew the joke was on him, I think he'd want Plageus back alive just so he could kill him again.
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"Change. It can be good. It can be bad. It can be expected or come as a thief in the night. Invited or not, it always comes."
~Koria
"Tender Shadows", co-written w/ The Musical Jedi
Padawan to DarthIshtar
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CC-2054
Registered:
Aug '08
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Date Posted:
8/16 6:19pm
Subject:
RE: Eight Silent Ways to Kill a Jedi (Sci-Fi Challenge Response) Plagueis/Sidious
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I don't get it. 
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world... Those who understand binary, and those who don't.  Clonetroopers Rule!
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Ulic_Starwalker
Registered:
Jul '06
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Date Posted:
8/21 2:37am
Subject:
RE: Eight Silent Ways to Kill a Jedi (Sci-Fi Challenge Response) Plagueis/Sidious
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And mused and mused and mused...
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