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Glycerine (J/TK, NJO AU) IMPORTANT! 6/20!!!
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_Tenel_Ka_
Registered:
Sep '01
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Date Posted:
3/22/03 12:51pm
Subject:
Glycerine (J/TK, NJO AU) IMPORTANT! 6/20!!!
- Date Edited:
6/20/03 4:34pm (3 edits total)
Edited By:
_Tenel_Ka_
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Ahem... I've decided to repost this onto the new forum. So, Voila!
Disclaimer: I owneth nothingeth. T'is purely for the saketh of enjoymenteth and appreciationeth thateth I writeth thiseth.
Bush is a great band. Go download the song. It's from the Sixteen Stones album. Then make a shrine to them. All worship their music.
Sorry, I'm tired.
AN: This is from Jacen's POV after Traitor, on the way back to the NR. His thoughts are directed towards Tenel Ka (WITH WHOM HE BELONGS AND THEREFORE SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH IN DW.)
Once again, I'm very tired.
Glycerine
Must be your skin that I’m sinking in
Must be for real cos now I can feel.
And I didn’t mind
It’s not my kind
Not my time to wonder why
Everything’s gone white
And everything’s grey
Now you’re here, now you’re away
I don’t want this
Remember that,
I’ll never forget where you’re at
Don’t let the days go by
Glycerine
I’m never alone
I’m alone all the time
Are you at one
Or do you lie
We line in a wheel
Where everyone steals
But when we rise it’s like strawberry fields
I treated you bad
You bruise my face
Couldn’t love you more
You got a beautiful taste
Don’t let the days go by
Could’ve been easier on you
I couldn’t change though I wanted to
Could have been easier by three
Our old friend fear and you and me
Glycerine
Don’t let the days go by
Glycerine
I needed you more
When we wanted us less
I could not kiss just regress
I might just be
Clear simple and plain
That’s just fine
That just one of my names
Don’t let the days go by
Could’ve been easier on you
Glycerine.
Maybe everyone in the galaxy is crazy, or maybe it’s just me. I’m not sure. I’m a lot less sure of everything that I used to be sure about and I’m more clear on what was formerly unconsidered.
I thought about you when they were torturing me. When they were teaching me. When they were worshipping me. I thought about you all the time, though for different reasons and in different ways. At first, it was because I remembered that when I was with you, I was happy. I remembered that at one time in my life I had known laughter and joyfulness, and that during those times, I was with you. The memory kept me going for awhile.
That was until I changed. When I started thinking like they wanted me to think. When I embraced the pain. I wondered what everyone would think, and what you would think. I wondered if you would still love me, or if you really loved me anyway and it wasn’t just a teenager thing that had passed over time.
I wish I knew.
But the question is more important than the answer. So when I asked myself whether or not you had loved me, I realized that I was admitting to myself that I loved you.
So here I am, coming back to you. I’m coming back to a lot of people who love me and I’m wondering if you’re one of them. All I know is that I loved you, and I’ll still love you, if you want me too. I’m guessing there’s probably a lot that has changed while I’ve been gone, and maybe you’ve found someone more deserving of your affection. People develop new interests, Jaina’s feelings for Zekk have changed, and maybe yours have for me.
I really hope not.
I won’t say I need you. I know I could move on. Eventually. Maybe.
But the point is, there are so many ways in which I’ve become different, that I can’t expect you to treat me like the old Jacen. I’ve grown up... or maybe I just think I have.
Either way, you might not like him.
Yet if I was to be really honest with myself, and not trying just to keep my expectations down to prevent being disappointed, I would say that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, ever, and I know you don’t care. That’s the way you are, you’re just there for someone, completely loyal, no matter what.
So keep holding on for me, and when I get back, I finally admit to something. We won’t have to pretend anything anymore. I’ll be honest, honestly. I know I don’t deserve it, but you were always a forgiving person. I mean, I cut off your arm, what's the problem with a delay in confessing my feelings for you?
Hang in there Tenel Ka. I’m coming back...
-----signature-----
Sister to _Alisas_Silverleaf_  "One day love just hits you with a flash, leaves you staring blindly just like a photograph..."
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_Tenel_Ka_
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Sep '01
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Date Posted:
3/22/03 12:53pm
Subject:
RE: Glycerine (J/TK, NJO AU) Reposted and Updated 3/22!
- Date Edited:
3/22/03 1:43pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
_Tenel_Ka_
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Chapter One: Dying
Hollow.
She felt hollow.
There was nothing inside of her, only a colourless, featureless hole. It was void of space, void of time, void of dimensions or feeling. Because there is nothing and nothing is empty and empty is hollow.
You couldn’t feel pain if you were hollow, for that she was thankful.
Perhaps this was what dying felt like. Maybe, hopefully, she was already dead. Maybe her life wasn’t real and she wasn’t real and nobody, nothing was true. That would make sense, life couldn’t possibly be worse than this feeling. Or not feeling in her case.
Then she opened her eyes and the brutality of life hit her and she decided maybe life actually was worse than being hollow.
Reality bites.
And with that thought she sat up in bed, swung her legs off the edge of the mattress and stood up.
She wasn’t going to feel sorry for herself, she wasn’t going to complain, and she wasn’t going to think of Jacen or her mother. She would fight hard, she would do her job and she would continue this struggle to move on with her life.
She liked to avoid self-examination at the moment. That opened wounds and anyway, she had more important things to do.
Her grandmother had some notion that being Queen meant she had to marry, most likely a powerful, distinguished member of Hapan nobility, about as charming as a viper. Maybe someone else in her position would have succumbed to the will of the former queen, letting others sort out their direction because they no longer cared about anything, but Tenel Ka refused to sink that far into depression. Her grandmother wanted a lot of things of Tenel Ka; better attire, queenly manners, no military involvement in the war, and she wanted Tenel Ka dead. So, in spite and perhaps because of Faala’s ruthless ambition, Tenel Ka wore her lizard hide armor, spoke bluntly and to the point, contributed troops to the New Republic and strove to keep on living.
She exercised, showered, and slipped on a robe to enter the room she used for meals. A secretary came forward with a datapad so that Tenel Ka could see what her Queenly duties required of her for that day.
Donning her Dathomiri warrior attire, but with a golden tiara and dark violet cloak with the emblem of the Royal House of Hapes, Tenel Ka braced herself for the day. She built up her mental and emotional barriers and reminded herself as she did everyday that she had a purpose and a reason to go on.
Tenel Ka had lost much as of late.
She refused to be a sore loser.
-----signature-----
Sister to _Alisas_Silverleaf_ "One day love just hits you with a flash, leaves you staring blindly just like a photograph..."
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_Tenel_Ka_
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Date Posted:
3/22/03 12:55pm
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RE: Glycerine (J/TK, NJO AU) Reposted and Updated 3/22!
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Chapter Two: Luminescent
Tahiri Veila swiftly packed her few personal belongings into a travel bag and snapped it closed with determination. She scanned quickly around the room to see if there was anything she might have forgotten, and finding no shunted items, picked up her comlink.
“Control, this is Tahiri Veila, is my ship ready?” she asked with more assurance than she felt. Tahiri had been practicing more lately on the pilot simulations, at the prodding of Face Loran, but her skills weren’t anything to brag about just yet.
“Jedi Tahiri, your exit has been cleared and an X-wing has been prepared,” the smooth voice of military personal answered.
“Thank-you, I’ll be there right away,” Tahiri replied, then clicked off the communications device. She shouldered her bag, which was light despite her gender, and left the room she’d inhabited sporadically for the past few months. She was leaving Borleais, and probably not a moment too soon if the Vong movements were any indication.
Her breath caught in her chest as she entered the hangar bay and saw the gleaming X-wing waiting for her. She’d been given her own ship, and what seemed casual for some people was a big deal for her, as she’d never owned anything quite so powerful or expensive before. The painting, still shiny, was white, with red stripes running along the sides.
Red like Anakin’s blood.
Pain coursed through her and her heart clenched. Until recently, tears had always formed in her eyes, but Tahiri was beginning to think there were no more left. Yet her pillow was always soaked in the morning.
Tahiri closed her eyes and gritted her teeth, warding off the fresh stream of grief. She stowed her bag, climbed the ladder and meticulously ran through the list of checks she was supposed to do as she strapped herself into the cockpit seat. Where Tahiri was going, there was one person that understood what she was going through. That person had suffered the same loss, experienced the same piercing pain, and had taken on even greater responsibility than Tahiri herself had, despite the ceaseless, unrelenting inner torture.
Tahiri powered her repulsor lifts, clearing the sky and upper atmosphere, then set a course for Hapes.
* * *
The Royal Court of Hapes was grand and opulent, with ceilings held up by pillars that towered over the noble heads and an elegance that spoke of a millenia long tradition and treasuries full to bursting.
Tenel Ka D’jo sat on an electrum dias, listening to the droning of two egotistical politicians, trying to decide whether she should simply motion for the guards to escort them from the chamber, or if she should step in herself. Usually, she merely presided over the Senate, but there were occasions she had to demonstrate her power to keep her subjects in obedience.
As the argument escalated into a petty disagreement between the two men, with jibes the other’s history stirring each other up, Tenel Ka hit her scepter against the stone floor. The sound rang sharply through the room and most heads turned in interest towards the throne. Whispered conversations stopped, except for the two politicians, who were completely absorbed in their yelling match.
Tenel Ka stood regally and made an expectant noise in her throat. Both men trailed off in mid-sentence and turned fearfully to face her.
“I suggest,” Tenel Ka said scornfully, “That if the senators cannot refrain from sharing embarrassing personal details, they should exit immediately. Otherwise, I believe the floor now belongs to Arabanth.”
Her tone was strict and no nonsense, carrying a slight note of threat that she hoped would dissuade the senators from behaving in such a manner again. It was unlikely to work but it showed her power to the rest of the dignitaries.
The meeting was about to carry on, but the double doors on one side of the room flew open and a harried looking man scurried in.
“Queen Tenel Ka D’jo has just received a visitor, waiting for her on the private landing pad. The visitor demanded that I relay this message immediately,” the man spoke with irritation.
Tenel Ka tilted her head in a muted gesture of curiousity.
“Who is this visitor?” she asked haughtily, hating the sound of her voice as she used the tone.
“Jedi Knight Tahiri Veila,” the man answered.
Inwardly Tenel Ka took in the news with great pleasure, but outwardly her face remained immobile. She nodded her head once at the messenger then turned back to the waiting council.
“You may proceed without me,” Tenel Ka said and then strode confidently from the room, feeling in better spirits than she had been for nearly a month.
* * *
-----signature-----
Sister to _Alisas_Silverleaf_ "One day love just hits you with a flash, leaves you staring blindly just like a photograph..."
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RE: Glycerine (J/TK, NJO AU) Reposted and Updated 3/22!
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Tahiri was waiting by the ladder of her X-wing when Tenel Ka entered the hangar bay. The Dathomiri warrior turned queen was escorted by armed bodyguards and the flustered messenger Tahiri had met upon arrival.
Tenel Ka looked well from what Tahiri could see. Her friend was dressed in a resplendent violet cloak overtop of her Dathomiri armor, a jeweled tiara settled atop a mass of red-gold warrior braids that fell almost to her knee and her skin was a healthy tone. However, Tahiri knew there was more beneath the surface, mostly because she felt this way herself. Calm was outward, sorrow was inward.
Reaching Tahiri, Tenel Ka stepped forward and embraced the younger Jedi tightly. Tahiri returned the hug, thinking of how long if had been since she’d had another person touch her affectionately.
“I’m glad to see you here, my friend,” Tenel Ka said softly. Her mouth smiled, but her eyes were sad. Tahiri knew she’d probably looked the same lately. Her own eyes were usually slightly red from crying.
Tahiri smiled brightly, “I hope you don’t mind that I dropped in unexpectedly. There isn’t exactly an ‘official’ reason I’m here.”
Just a very important personal one, she added in her head.
Tenel Ka made an off-handed gesture, “No matter, I appreciate a distraction.”
Tahiri raised an eyebrow. The old Tenel Ka would never have said something like that out loud, it was too much an admission of defeat for her. It just went to show how deeply affected she had been by the mission to Myrkr.
“So,” Tahiri said, walking forward with Tenel Ka out of the hangar, “What’s been going on here? Anything interesting happening? Are you really busy?”
The corner of Tenel Ka’s mouth twitched slightly. “I have been involved in the responsibilities of the Queen Mother for the most part. There is diplomatic proceedings and government meetings to preside over.”
“Sounds boring,” Tahiri commented, wrinkling her nose.
This managed to get a full smile from Tenel Ka, but a laugh seemed a far thing. Then again, she had never been one to laugh easily. Jacen had been the only one who could do that.
“Guard,” Tenel Ka said in a demanding tone, turning to one of the bodyguards, “Time?”
The big burly man that she had addressed bowed before speaking, “Twenty standard minutes before the evening meal your Majesty.”
Tenel Ka acknowledged this with a stately nod of her head, “Tahiri Veila will be joining me, inform the cook and my grandmother and father. Take her bag to the room across the hall from mine. Promptly.
“Yes your Majesty,” the man said with another bow then hustled off.
Tenel Ka turned back to Tahiri with her usual expressionless face. Tahiri stared at her with a bit of awe.
“What is it?” Tenel Ka asked, seeing the look on her face.
“The way you can order people around like that. You know, ‘pick up my bags,’ ‘inform this person of this,’ ‘do that,’ ‘do this,’ and ‘oh yeah, wash my feet.’ Promptly. And the bowing and ‘Your Majesty,’ ‘Whatever you say your majesty,’ ‘Right away your Majesty,’ ‘Let me scrub your boots your Majesty,’ ‘Oh no, please your highness, let me scrub your boots…’” Tahiri babbled.
Tenel Ka grimaced, “Yes, it is rather tiring.”
“Are you kidding!” Tahiri exclaimed, “That would be so fun.”
“Ah. Aha,” Tenel Ka said, “I suppose it could be.”
Tahiri gave her an infectious smile, and walked along beside the taller Jedi. Conversation with Tenel Ka could be very one sided, with her to-the-point attitude and lack of contractions. It was hard to understand her in some ways, but Tahiri found Tenel Ka interesting. The toughness and strength had always stirred admiration and she’d had a similarly strange background, though being heir to the Hapes Cluster was just a bit more prestigious than being raised by Tusken Raiders.
They reached the palace and Tenel Ka pointed out bits of Hapan art and architecture, the crystal fountains, the ceramic statues of magnificent creatures from all sixty-three worlds, the graceful buttresses holding up the walls, etc. Everything seemed incredibly polished, expensive and tasteful and Tahiri was afraid to touch any of it.
The room Tenel Ka opened for her was less elaborate, but still held a certain royal flair. There was a plush white silk bed, black walls of igneous rock, rich grey carpets that made seem like you were walking on pillows, and a refresher that was as big as Tahiri’s old bedroom in the Jedi Temple had been. Tahiri blinked once then let out a whistle.
“If you ever want to trade lives Tenel Ka…” she teased.
Tenel Ka raised her eyebrows in a sarcastically cocky way, then nodded and exited the room. She slipped in “There are gowns and dresses in the wardrobe if you prefer,” as she closed the door.
Some girls might hate wearing dresses, but Tahiri found it an enjoyable experience. Never having the chance to play dress-up as a little girl, she sifted through the glimmering, airy gowns searching for something suitably extravagant. When she finally found a dress in her size and tastes, she twirled happily in front of the full length mirror in a corner. The dress was mostly a light rose colour, but the layers of silk grew a darker pink underneath, like a true flower. The material certainly felt like petals in any case and Tahiri ran her hands lightly down the sides, enjoying the texture. It was backless, but the front was high, so she felt very grown-up. She smiled to herself in the mirror.
Anakin would have loved to see me in this.
The thought dropped like an atomic bomb, shattering whatever enjoyment she’d been building. There would always be these subtle reminders, triggers that set off an excruciatingly painful reaction. Would there ever come a time when everything didn’t constantly hint to her what they had and could have had?
Tahiri turned away from the mirror and took a deep breath, preparing to face one of the many enemies she’d come to warn Tenel Ka about.
-----signature-----
Sister to _Alisas_Silverleaf_ "One day love just hits you with a flash, leaves you staring blindly just like a photograph..."
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RE: Glycerine (J/TK, NJO AU) Reposted and Updated 3/22!
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Chapter Three: The First Cut is the Deepest
The hallway was completely silent, but the alien presence could still be felt. Her feet made not the slightest noise as she traversed silently to the spot where Jacen sat staring out the window to the night sky. Vergere took a seat beside him and still neither deigned to speak.
At last, the quiet was broken, and Vergere said in her soft, amused voice, “I am surprised that your family let you out of their sight for this long.”
Jacen laughed gently, “I had to sneak away.”
“No doubt,” Vergere conceded and after a pause continued, “I sense there is another reason for this late night solitude.”
Jacen smiled and nodded but didn’t speak for a moment. Vergere senses him gathering his thoughts together.
“Vergere,” he explained, “When I left the land of the living, I left a girl behind.”
He stopped at hearing the words coming from his mouth.
“I suppose she’s a woman now, girl isn’t really the right word.”
Vergere knew where this was going. She had wondered briefly whether he’d had any romantic entanglements before his apprenticeship to her. She was also curious what kind of partner Jacen would eventually choose because she would have to be a very specific type of woman. Jacen had grown up with a hot-tempered, willful older sister and as a result, he would probably prefer someone quieter, someone that could keep him grounded from his day-dreams.
Curiosity claimed her, but she did not allow it to extend to her voice, “What is this woman like?”
Jacen considered a moment before answering and his tone was subdued.
“She’s like…” he stopped, “Like the eye of a storm. Calm, serene, almost expressionless, but not cold or distant. All the action goes on around her. Jaina told me she’s a Queen now, though when I last saw her, she was a princess and she looked the part.”
“So your girl became a woman and your princess became a queen. You wish to see if her heart has changed as well?” Vergere said whimsically.
Jacen nodded, “I want to know if her feelings have changed. Anyway, she still thinks I’m dead, and when I felt for her, it was like a black hole.”
“When will you leave?” Vergere asked.
Jacen pursed his lips speculatively, “I won’t leave for a week or so, Mom just got me back and she’d hate it if I left right away. Dad would be pretty mad too.”
“I may accompany you,” Vergere decided, and then she slowly got up to leave.
* * *
Tahiri entered the dining chamber to see Fa’ael, Prince Isolder and Tenel Ka already seated. Walking forward confidently, she gave them all what she hoped was a winning smile and sat down neatly in her chair. She saw Isolder’s eyes flick briefly to her barefeet and smile slightly.
When Tahiri turned to Fa’ael however, there was nothing remotely resembling a smile or humour. She wondered if arrest had had any effect on the former queen’s personality.
Tahiri seated herself on the plush red cushion and did her best to look at ease. The supper was a Hapan delicacy. A flaky bread stuffed with herbs and cheese made the appetizer, roasted fowl for the main course, sparkling kiwahsi wine for beverage and flower-shaped sugar statues for dessert.
There were some pleasantries exchanged between Fa’ael and Isolder as well as between Tenel Ka and Isolder, though the father-daughter relationship seemed slightly distant, uncomfortable in nature. Tahiri remained quiet, an unusual occurrence, but she was slightly hesitant to let anything slip in front of Ta’a Chume. The two experienced royals talked about the different economic situation on various Hapan planets and Tahiri lapsed into a boredom-induced coma.
She was unexpectedly brought back to life when Fa’ael turned to address Tahiri.
“And to what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?”
Her words were carefully polite, but there was a greedy suspicion evident in the former queen through the Force.
Tahiri swallowed the mouthful of food, which suddenly tasted very much like duracrete.
“I merely came to update Tenel Ka on matters concerning the Jedi,” Tahiri answered innocently.
“There is that little fighting? Surely the New Republic military would be loathe to lose a Jedi from their ranks in a time so desperate,” Fa’ael said smoothly.
If that was the way the witch wanted to play it, so be it.
“Surely the Hapan government would dislike it if her Queen were under a direct threat to her life,” Tahiri retorted back, pointedly glaring at her.
Fa’ael’s eye’s widened and she didn’t talk anymore.
There was an uncomfortable silence, and Tenel Ka broke it by standing up and holding out her one arm to Tahiri.
“We will retire to the palace gardens to discuss our affairs. Sleep well,” Tenel Ka said with a bow to her grandmother and father.
“The same for you, my daughter,” Isolder said, though Ta’a Chume was stony and silent.
Outside the palace, two of the three Hapan moons were already in the sky. The silver beams outlined pearly pink leaves on laima trees, then were lost in the dark green foliage below. The flowers were difficult to distinguish even with the light of the moons, but Tahiri could smell a vast range of blossoms from tangy sweet to bitter-sharp.
Tenel Ka guided her from the gravel path to tall tree with long, drooping branches, looking like a mass of a maiden’s hair. Tenel Ka drew aside a curtain of vines. As they stepped through, Tahiri realized that the leaves were mildly glowing a soft green. Inside the privacy of the branches, the area under the tree was grassy and open. Tenel Ka slid against the trunk and sighed with a relief of tension.
“No one can eavesdrop here, the energy from the tree’s unique thylakoid reactions prevent electronic listening devices,” Tenel Ka confided as Tahiri settled herself down on the soft, wet grass. The ticklish carpet was heaven to her bare feet.
“It’s so beautiful here…” Tahiri said wonderingly, looking up at the dizzying kaleidoscope of the inner tree, “The palace, the gardens, fountains, everything... It seems so far away from the war and death and destruction.”
Tenel Ka didn’t take her gaze away from Tahiri, her grey eyes focused coolly on her friend’s face. She seemed to absorb these musings, but she didn’t say anything, only watched Tahiri.
Tahiri swallowed. Tenel Ka knew there was something she wanted to talk about, but was letting her come around to it gradually.
“And what a night,” Tahiri continued distractedly, “Two moons, a full sky of stars, tinged with a hint of red from the Transitory mists, it’s certainly better than Borleias.”
Tenel Ka’s expression didn’t change, but she seemed to grow impatient with Tahiri’s avoidance of the subject. Yet, when her voice came, it was kind and smooth, not frustrated, only tired. Tahiri realized that Tenel Ka must play games and fight battles with words all the time, now and constantly when she was a child. Perhaps that was why she talked in her controlled, simplistic way, because she was so tired of picking carefully selected words to sting, probe, ward off or convey displeasure to those around her. Most of those people were likely enemies, or at the least, people with selfish intentions. Tahiri came to a realization in that moment, though Tenel Ka may not display much expression or emotion, she was still a first-class actress.
“What is it you want to say my friend?” Tenel Ka asked in a weary, moderate tone, her grey eyes affectionate, but sad.
Tahiri couldn’t hold it in any longer. She wanted to know if there was another person in the universe that felt the same pain she did.
“How does it feel to be a widow?” Tahiri blurted out, her voice cracking and tears starting in her eyes, so that her next question was hardly above a whisper, “Are you like me?”
Tenel Ka’s face, usually so impassive, had gone pallid and sick, and her eyes were wide. She stood up very abruptly and then just about fell over and grabbed the tree for support. Tahiri could see her chest rising and falling rapidly, her breath coming harshly as if she were straining desperately against a stronger force.
Tahiri saw the older Jedi’s eyes closed and she stretched out with the Force to see Tenel Ka’s thoughts. As she was assaulted with a barrage of feelings, grief and images, Tahiri realized she was seeing a flashback. She could feel Tenel Ka’s remembrance of Jacen’s death, the hot white fire and extinguishing of it all in a horrible, hated moment. She saw Tenel Ka banging her fist against the wall of the Yuuzhan Vong coral skipper and felt the rawness of her throat as she screamed at the top of her lungs in rage and sorrow. She could feel Tenel Ka, in the present, trying to hold back the memories, the feelings, trying to hold on to the impenetrable fog she’d wrapped herself in, the hurricane of mortal suffering.
She yanked herself quickly out of the warrior queen’s mind, seeing that she was gasping for breath and gripping the trunk of the tree so hard that when her hand came away there were indents where her nails had dug ferociously in.
“I…” Tenel Ka began weakly, then stopped and tried to pull herself together, “I am sorry Tahiri. I just… just… I am glad you are here. The situations are frighteningly similar.”
Tahiri nodded, then wiped at her eyes with the back of her hands, which came away wet.
“Everything I do keeps reminding me Tenel,” Tahiri confided, “I never tried to block it out, only let it keep washing over me. Maybe it was some hope that punishing myself would… would bring him back.”
It was Tenel Ka’s turn to nod.
“I have been less strong than you, my friend,” Tenel Ka admitted, “It isn’t that I build walls from the pain. I let the pain wash through me and leave me empty. It is like my nerve endings are still so shocked from the one onslaught that they have not recuperated enough to feel anything else now.”
“Maybe,” Tahiri said with a sniff, getting to her feet and going over to Tenel Ka, “We’ll help each other, okay?”
Tenel Ka took the proffered arm and stoically led their way out of the garden. Tahiri understood that they had finally taken the most essential step in grieving, the recognition.
But recognition didn’t relieve the pain.
-----signature-----
Sister to _Alisas_Silverleaf_ "One day love just hits you with a flash, leaves you staring blindly just like a photograph..."
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Date Posted:
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RE: Glycerine (J/TK, NJO AU) Reposted and Updated 3/22!
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Chapter Four: Misery
After seeing Tahiri safely to her room across the hall and two down from her own, Tenel Ka opened the door to her own silently. The glow panels came on and she slumped slightly because there was no one to see her, no one to care.
That, perhaps, her mind spoke up, Is the root of the problem.
Tenel Ka ignored her inner voice and slung off her violet cloak. She moved through the catacombs of little rooms before her sleeping chamber, staying alert despite her weariness. It always paid to be on your toes.
She entered her room and let the cloak fall onto the bed. The material was thick and heavy, but she never noticed the weight until it was gone.
Instead of curling exhaustedly up on the bed like she usually did at the end of the day, she felt compelled to keep moving.
Unlatching the glass and metal work doors, Tenel Ka stepped out on the balcony adjoining her room. Lilies and magnificent blossoming plants crept along the walls and railing, filling the night air with their sweet perfume, while the stars and moons, now the complete three, filled the sky with a ethereal light. Nothing ever seemed solid at night, always more like the moonbeams that touched the earth. Everything was always so glowing, but at the same time dark, that depth perception and hard edges disappeared. Tenel Ka breathed deeply, trying to let the moist, warm air clothe her, protect her from herself.
Just let it flow, her voice spoke to her again, Set it free, make yourself live again.
She couldn’t be living anymore. She’d hardly been able to think straight in the past few weeks, and in that time, she didn’t remember feeling any emotion. Not until tonight when Tahiri had questioned her.
If she could, Tenel Ka considered, what would she feel?
Hate? Anger? A gradual lessening of pain?
Mostly, she would feel alone. Alone without a real connection to her father, without her mother, without her great-grandmother, and most of all, without Jacen. That future stretched before her, desolate and barren.
You feel barren now anyway, the voices chided, alone without anything to comfort you. Let the memories come.
Like a painkiller, being empty only numbed the pain. Could her shocked system be washed clean of the painkillers by release of emotion? Could she deal with it? Would she break down, never to be rebuilt?
Let them come…
The stars above were cool and distant, seen through the chill emptiness of space. Yet the cold of that vacuum mattered little to Tenel Ka, because she was warm and content, held tightly in Jacen’s arms.
“So long,” he whispered in her ear, “It’s been so long.”
“Forever,” Tenel Ka assented gently, trying to keep herself from coming completely undone with relief and happiness.
They sat in a room on Eclipse, with one wall completely clear and open to view space. It was the only decoration the room had, but they weren’t looking at it. They sat on a lumpy couch in the center of the room, embracing desperately. His face was buried in her russet hair, and she leaned her head on his shoulder. His arms clasped her to him in an unbreakable vice, and she nuzzled his neck affectionately with her nose.
“A year, maybe a year and half it’s been. Kriff, I’ve lost track in this blasted war,” Jacen said remorsefully.
“Too long. But do not dwell on it now Jacen,” Tenel Ka spoke into his ear.
“Of course. What have you been doing anyway? I mean, I get your holo messages telling me you’re okay, but I don’t know anything else. What’s been happening?” Jacen asked, concerned.
“Well, the losses at Centerpoint put a great deal of animosity towards my mother and I. The Rodian, Jovan Drak, and I were given a variety of assignments from Master Skywalker. Since the battle of Duro and your encounter with Tsavong Lah, we were trying to rescue Jedi in need of help,” Tenel Ka explained.
Jacen sighed. “It seems like everyone in the galaxy is always out to get us. I mean, there was the great purge before Uncle Luke’s time, then all the trouble Palpantine went to in trying to turn Uncle Luke, and then the negative attitude towards us in the Senate…It seems so stupid.”
Tenel Ka nodded.
“Some Peace Brigaders in the Corporate Sector went after Drak and I. I was imprisioned for three days before…” Tenel Ka stopped immediately, regretting the confession. Jacen’s body was suddenly tense and she felt his muscles flex instinctively. If there was one thing Jacen was fiercely protective of, besides Jaina of course, it was her.
Even with the new philosophies he was testing, she knew that the passiveness would have evaporated in a second and he’d have blown the Peace Brigaders apart if he’d been there.
“Jacen,” she said warningly.
He relaxed, letting a tense breath go and she could feel him seeking calm again.
“You’re right. Even with this voxyn mission coming up, what matters is that you’re here right now,” Jacen said softly.
“With you,” Tenel Ka added, turning her head to meet his waiting lips.
It was the first time he’d kissed her in a year and a half and it felt like he’d been waiting a decade. Lips, teeth, and tongues met in a cataclysmic reaction, destroying all thought of anything but the present. When they finally broke apart, he continued to kiss her face and neck, slowly, deliberately, as if savouring their short amount of time.
For indeed, their time was short together.
A long, blood-curdling scream erupted from her throat as Tenel Ka collapsed to her knees. Sweat and tears poured from her as the scream faded into a helpless whimper. Her eyes were closed and her hands her closed so tight in fists that her nails cut into the skin and blood trickled through her fingers. Physical suffering could not compare, it was a ghost, a jester, a fraud compared to the agony inside of her.
Her forehead rested against the cool, smooth stone and she breathed heavily, beginning to regain control. One breath, two, three, and her body started to recover from the memory that burned like hot mercury in her blood vessels. Four breaths, five and her rapidly beating heart, a heart that was so sorely torn and battered, began to slow itself from hyperdrive to sublight speed.
“Jacen, Jacen,” she repeated in a hoarse whisper, “Why?”
Unanswered questions sit like cancer in the lymph nodes. They cannot be erased, but they can be ignored, until forgetting makes them less hurtful.
She climbed unsteadily to her feet and dragged herself back into the room. She flung herself onto the bed, not caring if she was still wearing her clothes. In a ball she curled herself, tightly and fiercely, determined to think no more that night.
She needed something to concentrate on, something to help her fall asleep. Slowly she began to recite Jedi Code over and over to herself, like a mother recites a lulla bye to soothe a child after nightmares.
There is no emotion; there is peace…
Oh how she wished that was true.
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.
Ignorance could be bliss, and knowledge sure wasn’t being any help.
There is no passion; there is serenity.
She’d broken in the Code in that area for sure.
There is no death; there is the Force.
Tenel Ka let out a small keening sound, protest at the words that no one could understand the depths of, aware that sometimes nothing could bring peace. She let her spirit sink into that empty place, allowed her conscious slip slowly into black waters.
* * *
Tahiri Veila sat up in bed, watching the moonlight stream through the window, contemplating the Force around her. She felt Tenel Ka’s anguish and abruptly pulled her mind away.
Oh Tenel Ka, she said to herself, maybe the torment will end for us some day.
* * *
Thousands of light years away, Jacen Solo sat up abruptly in bed, gasping for air and perspiring profusely. The sheets covering his bare chest and legs were soaked with sweat. He reached out to his chrono, seeing it was only a few hours since he’d fallen asleep. Being satisfied that there was no immediate danger that had woken him up, he got up from bed and tried to concentrate on what the dream had been about. Had there even been a dream? Was it a vision? Wasn’t there someone in pain?
He shook his head, trying to clear it enough to recall. There were nothing but fragments of feeling now, touching him like rain drops but fading rapidly. What was going on?
Eventually, he gave up, lying back down in bed. He fidgeted and took a few deep breaths, trying to get back to sleep. Soon, he felt, he would discover the source of that dream.
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Sister to _Alisas_Silverleaf_ "One day love just hits you with a flash, leaves you staring blindly just like a photograph..."
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RE: Glycerine (J/TK, NJO AU) Reposted and Updated 3/22!
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Chapter Five: Bloody Sunday
An insistent prodding roused Tenel Ka from sleep the next morning. In an instant, a small stealth blaster was in her hand, leveled at her possible attacker.
“Kriff!” hissed Tahiri, her hands flying up to her head, “Watch where you point that thing!”
“I apologize,” said Tenel Ka, lowering the blaster and wiping the sleep out of her eyes, “Is there something the matter?”
“You people are so paranoid around here,” Tahiri muttered peevishly.
“Call it habit,” Tenel Ka replied with a note of irritation, “What is wrong?”
“We’re going on a little trip. Get some stuff together, and take anything from this room that you really value,” Tahiri directed tersely.
Tenel Ka was confused, but she rolled off the bed, still dressed in her lizard hide armour. Within moments, she’d thrown her other clothes in a bag, attached her utility belt around her waist, clipped her lightsaber on, and grabbed the pink crystal necklace that Jacen had given her after the Crystal Reef crisis from its place on her dresser.
Tahiri was shifting from foot to foot anxiously, looking around nervously. Tenel Ka briefly touched her violet cloak before throwing it and her crown inside the clothing bag, then wrapped herself up in her long black Jedi cloak. She sensed danger from all around, but she couldn’t sense a direct cause.
Swiftly, she nodded to Tahiri and they moved together through the antechambers to the wide hallway outside.
Hustling inconspicuously down the corridor, both girls were suddenly thrown forward onto their stomachs as everything behind them erupted into flame.
BOOM!!!!!!!!!
Tenel Ka was the first to her feet, instantly alert and ready for any other dangers. She helped a coughing, sputtering Tahiri to her feet and picked up the luggage they had dropped. Both Jedi were covered in a fine gray dust, which filled the air around them, while debris littered the surrounding floor.
“That was my room,” Tenel Ka stated matter-of-factly, as if some evidence had just been offered to her.
“Yes,” Tahiri choked out, her eyes watering.
“Ah. Aha,” Tenel Ka said, grabbing Tahiri’s arm and pulling her along, “Out of here. Quick.”
Tahiri didn’t make any protests, only let herself be led along.
Tenel Ka didn’t understand how Tahiri had been alerted to this threat on her life, and would make sure to thank her profusely later. Now, however, she had to take charge and get her friend out of any immediate danger.
“Where are we going?” Tahiri asked, recovered from the suffocating dust.
“You had an escape ship ready, yes?” Tenel Ka questioned, looking back at Tahiri’s face.
“Yes…” Tahiri answered slowly.
“Whoever caused that explosion may have the means and the network to sabatoge the ship you prepared as well. You will take your X-wing. I will take my Hapan VX-10 Dragon fighter. When we are in space, I will send you the coordinates over a private channel. You will jump to them. Understood?” Tenel Ka asked.
Tahiri’s face had slipped into the trained, calm demeanor of a soldier. She nodded resolutely.
“Got it. I’ll see you up there.”
“Check for bugs on your X-wing,” Tenel Ka said with a worried glance.
They split up, Tahiri heading in the direction of her X-wing and Tenel Ka towards the secret hangar where her personal ship was kept.
The Hapan VX-10 Dragon was the latest in the ships being manufactured in the Transitory mists. Instead of being on the side, the wings of the VX-10 extended like claws over the cockpit and the beneath the fuselage. The engineers bragged that it made a harder target. The fuselage was a smooth, blunted-triangle shape, like a tongue sticking out between the jaws of a dragon’s mouth. It was complemented by quad-laser cannons, three proton torpedo launchers with a six torpedo carrying capacity, and state of the art targeting, manuevering, and engine-speed system. It was fast, sleek and deadly, just the way Tenel Ka liked a ship.
She snapped open the storage hatch, threw her bag in, closed it with a swift click, then climbed the waiting ladder (it was made to escape quickly) to the cockpit. There wasn’t an astromech droid required, because of the new systems installed, and Tenel Ka started the ship up easily on her own. There was no whining of the repulsor lift engines as she engaged them, and her ship lifted silently out of the hangar. A kilometer away from her, she saw Tahiri bring her ship around as well, and hailed her on the comlink.
“Transmitting the coordinates now,” Tenel Ka said seriously, clicking rapidly on the rows of buttons in front of her. There was a beep of confirmation as the coordinates were relayed.
“Ready!” Tahiri announced.
They sped away from the gravity of the planet, two brilliant white streaks in the early dawn light. When they’d cleared the atmosphere and gravity well, both girls engaged at the same time, bursting away with a dazzling flash of white.
* * *
The planet of Dreena was mostly ocean, covered with scattered groupings of islands. Viewed from space, it seemed to be entirely made up a dark, navy ocean, like a blue sapphire jewel.
When they exited hyperspace, Tenel Ka immediately contacted Tahiri on the com.
“The vacation cottage used by my family is on the other side of the planet,” Tenel Ka said, “It’s very lowtech, they will not detect us until we are within that hemisphere.”
“Acknowledged,” Tahiri said and shut off the communications device.
Tenel Ka’s Dragon swung to starboard and streaked towards the planet. Tahiri nudged her control stick to send her X-wing into a barrel roll and followed closely on her tail.
The trip along the planet’s surface to the other side was uneventful, but enjoyable.
The water sparkled in the early morning sunrise, glinting off in rainbow prisms. In places, the water was so clear and pure that Tahiri could see hundreds of meters underwater. There were fish of many shapes, sizes, and colours, from neon pink to pitch black, from tiny euglena to lethal sharks.
In the first rays of the sun, Tahiri saw a huge island, it’s sandy shores rising peacefully out of the waves. She saw dense jungle clustered behind the sand dunes, and on a large plateau overlooking the sea was a magnificent mansion. Great wooden doors made the front entrance, well-tended gardens sprawled on every side, and five spires of different heights rose high into the sky. It was a classic, haphazard looking building, with seemingly random placed windows, a tall, elegant structure, dark brick walls and brown trim.
“Reef Fortress?” Tahiri guessed, having heard a little about the place.
“No,” Tenel Ka answered, “That is on Hapes itself. This is a completely secret vacation home, kept that way because this planet is uninhabited, except for the people who tend our house.”
“Pretty,” Tahiri commented.
“Yes,” Tenel Ka agreed, “But more importantly, it is secluded.”
“So we’re still in the Hapes Cluster?” Tahiri asked.
“That is correct.”
“Dreena Air Space Control, respectfully hailing Ta’a Chume,” a voice cut in over the comlink.
It took Tahiri a panicked second to realize that they meant Tenel Ka. She must have a transponder on her ship.
“Dreena, this is Queen Mother Tenel Ka D’jo, accompanied by Tahiri Veila, preparing to land on Sandy Isle.”
“The landing pad is clear, Ereneda,” the voice came again.
Tenel Ka acknowledged with a double click. The two fighter craft sped toward the island, looped around the house, then killed their engine speed and settled gracefully to the landing pad without a bump.
Tahiri opened the hatch and climbed out eagerly. Nearby, Tenel Ka was doing the same. At the edge of the landing pad was a tall, graying man in a formal suit. Tenel Ka and Tahiri approached and the man executed a deep, humble bow, murmuring softly, “Your Majesty.”
When he raised his head, a jovial grin lit his face from ear to ear, as if he were in possession of some great secret.
“Welcome,” he said with a dramatic pause, “to the Sandy Isle of Dreena.”
* * *
The inside of the house was as beautiful as the outside. It had mosaic tile, a deep, rich brown wood for the walls, which were hung with warm coloured tapestries, and supplemented with antique furniture. The edifice was five stories in most places, seven stories at its highest tower, and included a greenhouse, conservatory, library, dining hall, gymnasium, weapons room, and innumerable bedrooms boasting limitless comforts.
“Let me get this straight,” Tahiri said to Tenel Ka as they followed the butler through the hallways, “This is a ‘summer cottage’ You consider this a ‘cabin’?”
“It is considered very small by my grandmother’s standards. It was her father that built it, calling it Nesaliquas, which means ‘silence’ in Hapan. He wanted a quiet place for solitude and studying. That is why the library is so extensive.”
“Gods I wish I was rich sometimes,” Tahiri muttered.
Tenel Ka smiled slightly. Tahiri was so cute when she was impressed.
Nesaliquas had no turbolifts, only wide, carpeted staircases, and the butler led them up five of these, then down a hallway, and into a wing that Tenel Ka remembered well from the two or three vacations she had spent here as a child. She stopped walkway and peered into the room she remembered from her stays. Light lavender silks covered the double bed and framed the window, a light coloured wood made up the furniture, the vanity table, dresser and armoire. Tenel Ka sighed as she stepped through, remembering how much she’d loved it when she was six and seven.
“Tahiri, my friend,” she beckoned, “Come here, I will show you something.”
Tahiri followed Tenel Ka over to the window, and then gasped in awe as she swept the curtains aside to reveal the view from the window. It seemed that the ocean was directly below them, an effect of the height of the plateau and house. They could the waters stretch out below them, endless, sparkling, pure.
“Wow,” Tahiri breathed.
“Here,” Tenel Ka motioned to Tahiri, “I have the perfect room for you.”
Tahiri followed obediently, treading behind Tenel Ka as she led the way out of the room and down the hall two doors. Through the door was the most spectacular room Tahiri had fever seen. There was a four poster bed made from a beautiful dark wood, with carved flowers and vines entwining themselves into the pattern. The plush covers were rich red and gold. Above the bed were two wide open skylights through which streamed brilliant sunshine onto the wall opposite. It was made this way because in long cylinder pots on the floor were thick green rose vines that trailed lazily up the wall. Budding spectacularly all over the stems were roses of every colour and size, filling the air with a soft, unobtrusive scent.
“Oh…” was all that Tahiri said, her voice awed.
Tenel Ka smiled and replied, “Your bags should be brought up soon. I must go contact my father.”
Tenel Ka took a direct path through the winding staircases to the communications room on the first floor. She turned on the holoprojector and rapidly typed the coordinates for her father’s quarters on Hapes.
There was a loud beeping noise as the connection went through. Her father’s image appeared on the receiver.
“Tenel Ka?” her father asked in a concerned voice, “Tell me you’re alive.”
Tenel Ka stepped into the view so that her father would see her image.
Her father’s relief was evident as he gave a deep sigh and massaged his temples with his hands.
“My daughter…” he murmured softly, then he brought himself under control, “Where are you now?”
“Sandy Isle,” Tenel Ka answered curtly.
A slight look of pain crossed over his face, quickly followed by a forced smile.
“You’ll be safe there. Stay on Dreena a while, please Tenel Ka.”
“It is not the nature of my family to run from danger,” she answered, frowning.
Isolder sighed again, in frustration this time. “Please Tenel Ka. Take a vacation for just two weeks, a week even. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
Aversion to this advice rose foremost in Tenel Ka’s mind, but at the same time, a picture of the ocean from her window, limitless, unending, sparkling appeared. She nodded slowly. “I will stay for a week. Then I will return to my duties.”
A brief flicker of surprise lit Isolder’s face before he bowed and said solemnly, “Good-bye then, Ereneda.”
“Good-bye father.”
Tenel Ka turned off the holocomm unit feeling vaguely unsure. She stood still for a few seconds in the silence of the darkened room before turning abruptly and exiting, preparing to spur the household into making dinner.
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Sister to _Alisas_Silverleaf_ "One day love just hits you with a flash, leaves you staring blindly just like a photograph..."
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RE: Glycerine (J/TK, NJO AU) Reposted and Updated 3/22!
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***
Breezes streamed through the darkened room, billowing the curtains of the windows into unearthly contortions and causing the royal occupant to shiver underneath the down-filled duvet. The winds smelled like salt and flowers, like life held together in precious shapes, each sacrosanct and unique.
In the silence of the night, Tenel Ka slept.
And she dreamed of the past…
Tenel Ka gently rubbed the bacta lotion into Ulaha’s skin, being careful not cause any damage with her ministrations. Jacen stood behind her, still deep in thought, brooding.
She finished and stood up from the bunk, Jacen thought he saw a flicker of indecision in her eyes, but then her lips quirked in a half-smile.
“My turn,” she said, the smile spreading.
Jacen’s jaw dropped, then he shook his head to clear it.
“Oh, I see. You’re joking again.”
Tenel Ka shook her head. “I think not.”
Jacen was struggling to contain his disbelief. He stared as Tenel Ka brushed past him, returning to the bunk they’d just been talking in. His body turned and his eyes followed her, but he stood rooted to the spot, waiting for his illusions to be shattered.
Instead, she unzipped the top part of her jumpsuit, exposing the thin rags that they had been clothed in during their captivity. Jacen started walking towards her, still in a state of shock.
“Here,” said Tenel Ka, giving him the lotion, “On my back.”
She sat down on the edge of the bunk and Jacen sat down next to her, swallowing nervously. Tentatively, he poured some of the lotion into his hand, trying to remind himself that this was strictly for medical purposes.
He rubbed the lotion between his hand then reached out to Tenel Ka. He figured the least presumptuous place to start would be her shoulders, close to her neck. Delicately he smoothed the bacta solution against her smooth tanned skin, feeling the corded muscles of her shoulders and suddenly realizing how fast his heart was beating. He was gravitating closer to her without even noticing it. Slowly he flexed and relaxed his fingers, massaging her shoulders in a steady rhythm. As he forgot about concentrating on the lotion and grew more focused on the feeling of her skin underneath his hands, his fingers slid under the straps of her flimsy shirt. Breath-rate increasing and blood seeming to race through his veins, Jacen leaned forward so that his chin was almost resting on her shoulder. He dropped his head and softly placed a kiss on the slope between the shoulder and neck. Her skin was warm, he imagined his own was rising in temperature as well.
Tenel Ka sighed happily and slipped forward onto the bunk, resting her head on her arm. Jacen moved his hands to the bottom of the shirt and slowly applied more lotion to her lower back. His fingers ran lightly over her rib cage and traced a path up her spine. His hands ran over her skin tenderly, wary of the broken skin and devoted to taking the utmost care. Tenel Ka’s eyes were closed but a peaceful smile worked its way across her face.
Jacen paused slightly, looking down at her with his brandy brown eyes. She was so beautiful when she was sleeping. It him weak all over, it brought him to tears. An ache formed in his chest, a prediction of the pain that he would feel if he were ever to lose her. A deep, profound sense of wonder settled over him brought on more quickly by his heightened heartbeat and rapid breathing. What had he ever done in his life to deserve her? Was he gathering the effects of his contributions in a past life? Did she realize how she made him feel?
Tenel Ka’s eyes opened as his hands stopped moving. He swept his hand under her stomach to roll her onto her back, facing him. Then he moved propped himself up with one elbow, bringing his other hand up to cup her face. Her grey eyes had lost that mischievous look and regarded him with the only trace of nervousness or apprehension he had ever seen. Was she wondering what his intentions were? He brushed the red-gold hair back from her face and then brought his face so it was only centimeters from hers.
“Tenel Ka. You have to survive this mission,” he said gravely, not sure how to say the words he wanted to say, but forcing them out as best he could.
Tenel Ka’s face was always only a shadow of her emotions, but now it was filled with a wistful sort of sadness. She arched her back, moving her arm to embrace him and her lips brushing his ear slightly as she whispered to him.
“Not now Jacen. Do not think about that now.”
She kissed him fiercely then, moaning as he pulled her close to him and kissed her in response. It was the most incredible, exciting sound he’d ever heard and it made him shiver, he moved his lips to kiss her collarbone, up the curve of her neck and then her mouth.
“Jacen.” Her voice caused the tiny hairs on his arm to stand on end. It was soft and powerful at the same time. It was controlled and frenzied in parallel. It was scared and brave in the same instant.
It was only one word.
It was all she had to say.
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Sister to _Alisas_Silverleaf_ "One day love just hits you with a flash, leaves you staring blindly just like a photograph..."
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RE: Glycerine (J/TK, NJO AU) Reposted and Updated 3/22!
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Chapter Six: Even Angels Fall
Love in fantastic triumph sate
Whilst bleeding hearts around him flowed.
For whom fresh pains he did create
And strange tyrannic power he showed:
From thy bright eyes he took his fires,
Which round about in sport he hurled;
But ‘twas from mine he took desires
Enough to undo the amorous world.
“All set Vergere?” Jacen asked as he powered up, with evident relief, the Lamba class shuttle.
The brooding avian creature finished adjusting the crash webbing of her seat and then gave her alien version of a nod.
“You are sure about leaving early?” Vergere said in her neutral, observing tone.
A frown shadowed Jacen’s face, and he looked speculative for a moment.
“I have a feeling something is wrong. I’m worried something is going to happen, and I’m not going to be there in time to make a rescue or something,” Jacen considered.
“This woman hardly seems to be the type that needs you to come to her rescue,” Vergere pointed out thoughtfully.
Jacen laughed, a foreign, of late much unused sound.
“Yeah, that’s Tenel Ka. Still, Tahiri left to see her right before I came, and I have a bad feeling about that too. It just doesn’t seem like Tahiri.”
“They seem like similar people in some ways, are you sure it is not something harmless?” Vergere asked.
“I’m sure they’re in danger,” Jacen said without hesitation, “Anyway, Tenel Ka is invited to the knighting ceremony, and Uncle Luke said it was okay if I went personally instead of sending a transmission.”
Vergere gave a solemn affirmation. “Let’s go then.”
Jacen set about retrieving the coordinates and readying the ship while Vergere considered this mission from different angles. They had already taken off and Jacen was engaging the hyperdrive when Vergere asked suddenly, “What is the name of this system?”
“Hapes,” Jacen replied happily.
Oh dear, wailed Vergere in her head, a sinking feeling settling in her stomach,
Everyone is in for quite a surprise…
***
“Tahiri?” Tenel Ka asked, stepping through the doorway of the library.
Tahiri, curled up comfortably in a recliner, reading a book of Ancient Hapan love ballads, glanced up with a dazed look.
Of intolerable joys,
Of a death, in which who dies,
“Huh?” she asked.
Tenel Ka nodded her head in the direction of the hallway.
Loves his death and dies again
And would for ever so be slain
“I was going out for a walk on the beach. Would you care to join me?” she asked.
Tahiri gestured to the book and replied with a wry smile, “I’m absorbed, go ahead without me.”
And lives and dies and knows not why
To live, but that he thus may never leave to die!
Inclining her head gracefully, Tenel Ka strode from the library and took a turbolift up to her own room. Not wanting to clean off the salt residue from her armor later on, she changed into loose cotton shorts and a grey tank top, and twisted her hair up into a large knot at the back of her head. She was about to leave the room, when she saw the crystal pink necklace she’d rescued from the palace sitting on her dresser top.
And close in his embraces keep,
Those delicious wounds that weep
Without thinking, she reached out and tied it around her neck. Somehow it felt right to wear it, though she couldn’t put a finger on why.
Balsam to heal themselves with. Thus,
When these they deaths so numerous…
“What do you mean, ‘she’s not here’?” Jacen asked Isolder worriedly.
They stood on a landing pad near the palace, Jacen having just gotten off the shuttle.
Isolder looked weary and placed a hand on Jacen’s shoulder.
“Listen carefully Jacen Solo,” Isolder said, a hint of threat in his voice, “You were my daughter’s friend at the Jedi Academy. You trusted her, she trusted you, you had many adventures in your teenage years. But my daughter nearly died yesterday, and you have just spent months in Yuuzhan Vong captivity. Her enemies here think she’s dead. They can remain in that state of mind until Tenel Ka returns.”
Jacen stepped back, surprised by Isolder’s threats. Anger would have coursed through him not so long ago, but now he remained calm. He arranged his arguments logically in his mind and spoke in a moderate, yet heartfelt voice.
“Your Majesty, I would rather spend another lifetime in the Vong torture chambers than ever let any harm come to your daughter. I…” he paused, “I care for her deeply and would protect her at any cost. I have been through hell and back, so please, trust me. Please tell me where Tenel Ka is.”
Isolder looked at him for several long, scrutinizing moments, assessing the young Jedi Knight before him.
“She’s on a planet called Dreena,” Isolder said quietly, almost whispering. He listed the coordinates.
Jacen nodded solemnly then bowed and hurried back into the ship.
***
Tenel Ka stepped off the main path around Nesaliquas to a tiny path that led down to the beach. Already, she could inhale the salty, tangy smell of the ocean and hear the roaring of the waves against the rocks. She walked easily, swinging her legs, her arm reaching up so her hand could play absently with the necklace.
The fountains mingle with the river,
And the rivers with the Ocean,
The sun was directly overhead in the sky, glaring down in its ambiguous, uncaring way. So much of nature carried on daily through millennia, uncaring of the petty mortals that lived out their dramas, each oblivious to the other.
The winds of Heaven mix forever,
With a sweet emotion;
Tenel Ka didn’t think much on the way to the beach. She saw everything in a detached, faraway sort of way, but at the same time, she could feel everything. She took off her sandals and the soles of her feet felt every crevasse, imperfection and pattern in the rock. Slowly she descended down the path, looking at the ground at she put one foot in front of the other, as she took yet another step forward.
Nothing in the world is single;
All things by a law divine,
Though she didn’t really think it, or acknowledge it, Tenel Ka knew she had reached her lowest point. She heard, saw, and smelled the merest details, but nothing registered in her mind. It was like walking around in a coma, but the paralysis was only with her mind. There was nothing now. Nothing to live for. Her freedom, her joy, they were gone. Everything that was holding her she hated, her crown, her duty, her family.
In one spirit meet and mingle.
Why not I with thine?
She walked on, too absorbed to notice the sound of starship engines.
***
Jacen stepped out of the shuttle onto the landing pad, Vergere behind him.
“A party seems to be here to welcome us,” she said softly, her eyes facing in the direction of the house, where some of the household was exiting.
“Think you can handle them?” Jacen asked anxiously, “Tenel Ka isn’t in the house, I can feel it.”
“For certain,” Vergere said quietly.
Jacen gave her a quick nod, then stretched out with the Force, feeling for that familiar presence. He frowned as he found it, for it was diminished somehow, blighted.
He set off at a run, worried.
***
The sun beat down from above, heating her skin. She could almost feel the weight of the rays as they fell on her hair and body. The sand dunes surrounded her, billions and billions of tiny, miniscule shards of rock and glass, pressing into her feet and reflecting the dazzling sun back into her eyes. Her walk remained slow, patient, understanding things often took their time in coming to realization.
Music, when soft voices die,
Step…
Vibrates in the memory –
She felt the grainy texture of the sand, the rough, course beads beneath her feet. The shards were as thick as the planets in the galaxy, broken but still connected.
Odours, when sweet violets sicken,
Step…
Live within the sense they quicken.
She could feel the violence of the sun, the ultra-violet rays mixed homogeneously with the average photons. Each second slowed down enough that it seemed she could feel the individual particles hit her.
Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,
Step…
Are heaped for the beloved’s bed.
The wind sung around her, loose, wild, and free. She was so close now, close to ocean, close to the edge of her epiphany, her recognition. The coolness of the ocean rolled off with the breeze, roiling around her, ruffling her hair and clothing.
And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,
Step…
Love itself shall slumber on.
She reached the water’s edge and sank into the water. The waves hit her knees, soothingly, calming her. Loosing her hair from its restrictions, she lay down on the sands, letting the crystal waters flow over her.
Heard a carol, mournful, holy,
Chanted loudly, chanted lowly,
‘Til her blood was frozen slowly
And her eyes were darkened wholly…
For ere she reached upon the tide,
The first house by the water side,
Singing in her song she died…
Jacen jumped quickly from rock to rock, his heart racing not from exertion or physical activity, but because of the chaotic state of his emotions. How many times in the past few months had he thought of this day? For how many moments had he contemplated this meeting? Anticipation ran so thickly through the air that it was almost tangible.
The sun beat down, and he wrapped his shirt around his waist, shrugging off the sweltering cloth. He reached the beach and he could see the ocean stretching out before him in all its glory.
But for him, the beauty of the sea was incomparable to the young woman that lay half submerged in the water, the tiny waves lapping over her legs and soaking the ends of her knee-length red hair that shone with gold in the sunlight. He couldn’t speak, but he walked forward.
Grant that I may not so much
Seek to be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive
In pardoning that we are pardoned,
And in dying that we are born into eternal life.
Tenel Ka absorbed the warmth and life of the light. She basked in its glow, she felt it in every pore. She reveled in its fire, glorified in its golden rays.
On the outside, always on the outside. Her physical form, the shell of her was alive. But the light couldn’t penetrate her skin. It couldn’t penetrate the void inside of her. She was unreachable to the light. But it surrounded her and tried to make her whole. Her eyes may be closed, but the sun washed over her like the waves.
And then…
The sun was obstructed. A darkness, a darkness that at the same time felt like light, cut her off from the sun. It blocked it from her like a cloud.
But it was not a cloud.
She opened her eyes.
A face that she remembered in her every waking moment, in her every dream, every nightmare, was above hers, smiling. His form was outlined by the sun, the light surrounding him like a halo.
“I’ve missed you Tenel Ka,” he said softly.
Tenel Ka never spoke unnecessarily when she could help it. Now, half-formed thoughts and words tumbled from her mouth, none of them coherent.
“How…. Why? Wha…” she stuttered. Then tilted his head down to meet her lips. He had never kissed before this way in her life. It was passionate, sad, hopeful, happy, chaste, adoring and hard. She couldn’t fully convey what it was she was feeling, but everything he felt, Jacen spoke to her with that kiss. And when he was finished, Tenel Ka didn’t want him to stop, but he broke away.
Without a word, Jacen scooped her out of the water and into his arms, his arms encircling her impenetrably, joyously.
Tenel Ka shrieked as she came out of her shock, a high cry that didn’t come anywhere near to expressing the happiness that spread to every part of her body at once and the life that infused her spirit.
Jacen was swinging her around in circles in the surf, hugging her so tightly she found it almost hard to breathe, and her feet barely touching the water.
“Oh, oh!” Tenel Ka exclaimed through her laughter, “Jacen! Put me down!”
“I can’t do that!” Jacen exclaimed back, though he did loosen his hold just slightly so that she could stand on her own, “I’m never letting you go again, never!”
Tenel Ka laughed again, because suddenly, everything seemed right and wonderful, as though she should laugh constantly and unrestrained. Life was complete again.
“I do not argue, I confess,” Tenel Ka said breathlessly.
She ran her hand over his back, she could feel his bones to clearly she realized, though there was also an unfamiliar bulk of muscle. She touched his hair, felt his shoulders, traced the lines of his face and lips and then looked into his eyes for long, speculative seconds.
His eyes showed elation now, but Tenel Ka could see deeper than the present, and she understood that there was a much greater depth to those eyes, hidden secrets, eternities of pain, unimaginable hardships. She would comprehend them someday.
“Tenel Ka,” Jacen breathed, “Oh, Tenel…”
Around and around they spun in the surf and the waves, the ocean spraying up around them in millions of little droplets, casting rainbows in the air, splashing Jacen’s clothes and further soaking Tenel Ka’s attire. The tears of joy she cried mingled with the salty water and ran back down into the ocean, while the waves increased in crescendo like their rapture.
At last when they stood apart and looked at each other fully, Tenel Ka saw the multitude of scars adorning his chest. She traced her finger from his shoulder, down the indentations in the center of his chest, across the whiter skin of the spider-web scar beneath his heart, down to the healed wounds of his muscled abdomen. She looked up, appalled, to meet his eyes.
“What happened?” she asked simply.
A wry grin pulled at Jacen’s mouth.
“It’s a long story, I’ll tell you later,” he said softly.
She looked into his eyes more closely and understanding passed between them. He would tell her everything, but not right at this moment.
“We should go back up to the house,” Tenel Ka blurted suddenly, remembering Tahiri, and guilt flooded through her, “There’s someone you have to talk to.”
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Sister to _Alisas_Silverleaf_ "One day love just hits you with a flash, leaves you staring blindly just like a photograph..."
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_Tenel_Ka_
Registered:
Sep '01
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Date Posted:
3/22/03 2:25pm
Subject:
RE: Glycerine (J/TK, NJO AU) Reposted and Updated 3/22!
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Chapter Seven: Stripped
They walked slowly up the beach together, hands clasped tightly, shoulders rubbing against each other and Tenel Ka smiling more than she ever had in her life.
Yet her smile kept disappearing as they neared the house, but an unimaginable guilt settled upon her spirit. She and Tahiri had developed a bond, a deep friendship brought about by similar circumstances and situations. They had both lost the dearest person to them in the universe and had chosen to keep on fighting. Now, she had Jacen back, really had him back, not a rumour or a holograph, but truly, overwhelmingly Jacen.
Which left Tahiri alone again. The understanding she’d found in Tenel Ka would be gone, or so Tenel Ka thought.
Nesaliquas came into view and Tenel Ka took deep breaths to brace herself. Jacen glanced at her.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Tahiri,” Tenel Ka answered simply, “How will she feel now?”
Jacen sighed remorsefully. “Everything has a consequence, doesn’t it? There’s always a drawback.
“Yes,” Tenel Ka agreed sadly.
He sighed again, then grinned for her benefit. “It will be okay, you’ll see.”
Tahiri sat on the front step of the mansion, her legs curled up to her chest and her chin resting on her knees. As Tenel Ka and Jacen came into view, her eyes went wide suddenly in disbelief. She got unsteadily to her feet, shaking visibly, as if she’d seen a ghost.
Jacen kept walking towards her and they met halfway. His expression remained calm, but sadness radiated off him through the Force. Tahiri held out her arms and Jacen reached out to hug her tightly, as she began to cry. He rocked her carefully back and forth on her feet.
“I miss him too Tahiri,” Tenel Ka heard Jacen whisper, “I miss him too.”
He planted a gentle kiss on her forehead, then let her go.
Tenel Ka felt the guilt welling up inside of her, more strongly than before, and her heart went out to the broken little girl before her. She stepped forward and embraced Tahiri too.
“Before memory of my pain fades, so much that I forget what it was like, and what you feel, let me say this, because I know it is what you fear,” Tenel Ka said hoarsely, her voice nearly breaking with emotion, “You are not alone. You will never be alone. My friendship will always remain.”
Tahiri cried harder, but a smile broke through the tears. She nodded and Tenel Ka broke away.
When the three Jedi had pulled themselves together somewhat, Jacen spoke up, his voice quiet but strong.
“Vergere is here.”
Tenel Ka stiffened and Tahiri gasped, but Jacen held up his hands to ward off any outbursts.
“She is here as my teacher and, I suppose, my friend. We escaped the Yuuzhan Vong together.”
Tenel Ka wasn’t quite ready to accept Vergere without suspicion, despite Jacen’s explanation, but she didn’t say anything. Neither did Tahiri, they instead began walking towards the house, their stomachs alerting them it was dinnertime.
* * *
Gallond, the butler and chief care-taker of Nesaliquas was in a panic over lunch. As if the Queen Mother and her close friend weren’t enough to manage for, now there was another Jedi Knight, and the strange little alien creature to cater for. Still, he loved to entertain, to organize, and there had been quite a lull in that area over the past while. He was secretly glad for the company.
He parked the platters of rich, steaming Hapan food, products from all over the sixty-three planets, on the large banquet table in the dining room. There was an air of relief and joy to the room’s occupants that made him linger for a moment.
He regarded the white feathered alien over his shoulder as he sauntered back towards the door. A memory stirred, deep in the subconscious of his head, a story or a legend, told to him as a child and long since forgotten.
He shook his head and pushed open the door to the kitchen, thinking himself crazy.
But he had seen or heard of such a creature before, he was sure of it.
* * *
Night shrouded the planet of Dreena, wrapping the crystal oceans in its dark cloak. On the Sandy Isle, in the house called Nesaliquas, all inhabitants were asleep, lulled into dreams by the rhythmic waves against the shore.
All inhabitants that is, except for Jacen and Tenel Ka.
They sat on a comfortable couch in the observatory, nestled closely together, with Jacen’s arm around Tenel Ka’s shoulder as they looked up through the enormous ceiling window.
Tenel Ka’s eyes were on the stars, watching them in quiet contemplation, meanwhile, Jacen kept turning his head to observe her. His brandy brown eyes pored over every detail, taking in all the developments he had missed.
“You’ve changed,” he whispered in her ear, brushing his lips across her hair.
She met his assessing stare in question.
“It’s in your face. There’s something there that wasn’t before.”
An eyebrow raised skeptically, she commented dryly, “My face has not thus far been described as readable.”
He grinned slightly, “Maybe it’s my new insight. Everything has become so much… clearer.”
“Such as?”
Jacen grinned more, “Granted, you’re right in front of me, but it’s a nice clear view. A very nice view.”
He scanned her eyes for a reaction, then probed her with the Force and that she was embarrassed, which puzzled him.
“What?” he asked bluntly, giving a sly smile, “I can’t admire a beautiful view?”
Tenel Ka’s cheeks showed the barest trace of a blush. “There are more productive things to do than merely look.”
Jacen’s looked at her in shock. Her face remained impenetrable as always, but he thought her eyes twinkled.
“Tenel Ka,” he said, “Was that a joke?”
The corner of her mouth rose the slightest bit.
“Perhaps.”
His surprise dissipated into mischief.
“What do you mean by ‘more productive things’?” he asked suspiciously, “What kinds of things?”
Her gray eyes regarded him expressionlessly, daring him.
He leaned forward so that their lips were only centimeters apart, “This kind of thing?”
Teasingly, he kissed her lips, but found he couldn’t stop with that simple gesture. He pressed harder, reveling in the warmth he discovered waiting there and wrapped one arm around her neck, bring the other to grasp her hip. Her hand came up, possessively and brushed his cheek tenderly before ruffling his hair and pulling him closer to her. Jacen’s heart raced, his blood thundered in his ears, making him dizzy with elation as he kissed her in a frenzy, more and more deeply. She gasped as he ran his hands up her rib cage then under her arm and up her back so that he could support her head in his hand as her head tilted back under his mouth.
“Tenel,” he whispered as he kissed her, “We…”
His words, though soft, seemed to have an anchoring effect on her and she stopped abruptly, pulling away.
“We should stop,” she said regretfully, her eyes like grey storm clouds, dizzy and turbulent.
“Yes,” Jacen affirmed, trying to get himself under control, “I’ll see you in the morning.”
He laid a lingering kiss on her cheek, inwardly checking himself, and hurriedly got himself out the door before he tried anything else. Leaning against a wall outside the room, he took some calming breaths, regaining normalcy.
He whistled lowly, running his tongue across his lips where he could still taste her kiss.
“Whoa.”
He shook his head, and walked back to his room.
* * *
“Tenel Ka?”
The sound of Jacen’s questioning voice pulled her from her sleep.
“Mmm?” she mumbled sleepily.
“There’s a call coming in for you. Gallond said it was your grandmother,” Jacen replied, sounding worried. His hand rested protectively on her shoulder.
At his last words, Tenel Ka became instantly awake and her eyes snapped open.
“Ta’a Chume?” she repeated in question, rolling off the couch and jumping to her feet, cursing mentally, “Can you get me the crown and some formal clothes from my room? Something vaguely comfortable?”
Jacen smiled, lighting up devilish brown eyes, and hastened from the room.
Tenel Ka hurriedly brushed her long red hair and splashed some water on her face. By the time she’d finished, Jacen had returned with a bundle of clothes, which he deposited into her arms.
“Thank-you,” Tenel Ka said distractedly and ducked behind the elaborate paneled screen. She shucked off her pyjamas and threw them over the top, then picked up the articles Jacen had fetched.
She slipped on the pants, sky-blue like her military uniform and turned to the shirt. She held it out and squinted in a perturbed fashion, then put it on with a suspicious look. It was white silk, sleeveless, with a loose, revealing neckline. The fabric had been designed to hang just barely covering her breasts and was trimmed with gold thread on all edges. She attached the matching gold cloak with diamond clips at the shoulders, set a gold tiara with blue gems on her head, and stepped dubiously out from behind the screen.
Jacen lounged on the couch, facing the screen, with one hand behind his head, a spectator of a grand performance. Tenel Ka raised and an eyebrow and put her hand on her hip firmly.
“This,” she asked pointedly, “Is your definition of ‘comfortable’?”
Jacen grinned confidently. “It’s comfortable for me looking at you.”
Tenel Ka took a threatening step forward.
Jacen laughed and gave her a lopsided smile.
“Come on, you can kill me later. Her Highness is waiting.”
With a face of barely controlled emotions, Tenel Ka followed him from the room.
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Sister to _Alisas_Silverleaf_ "One day love just hits you with a flash, leaves you staring blindly just like a photograph..."
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