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Topic:
If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
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Jedi_Jaina_Durron
Registered:
Dec '01
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Date Posted:
4/20/03 2:14pm
Subject:
If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
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If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic
The song is "If You're Not the One" by Daniel Bedingfield. Thanks to TKeira_Lea for the song!
I’m an idiot, and this really isn’t that great. Sorry for all the angst guys…maybe there’ll be a sequel!
Disclaimer: It ain’t mine, I’d never claim that it was, don’t sue!
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If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
He paused beside her, watching. Her eyes, glistening and looking like brandy-colored diamonds, were glued to the sky. A tiny dot was disappearing into the clear blue.
“We both knew he’d go sooner or later.” As soon as he said it, he regretted how insensitive it sounded. Maybe someday he’d actually get to the point where he didn’t say everything that came to his mind.
“I know. I guess I was in denial.”
“Maybe.” He hated himself. He shouldn’t be feeling so glad when she was in such pain. He shouldn’t be feeling glad at all. Why was he, if he wasn’t in love with her? And he wasn’t; he’d told himself so countless times.
Then why did he even care if Jagged Fel was gone?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
Something small and soft and warm brushed against his hand, and he glanced down, shocked, to see Jaina slipping her hand into his.
“Tell me everything’s going to be okay?,” she begged.
He squeezed her hand. “It will. Everything turns out alright in the end. If it’s not alright, it’s not the end.”
He glanced down at their clasped hands, wondering at how perfectly hers fit in his, like they were made for each other. But they shouldn’t. They weren’t in love.
She laughed, but the tone was bitter. “I never took you for one who believed in faerie stories. And this isn’t a faerie story.”
“No, but it holds true. Do you think I could have made it through this sorry excuse for a life if I didn’t believe it?”
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
He felt her reaching out for him in the Force, and their life-Forces melded into one. She closed her eyes, and he could feel her reminding herself of everything he—they—had been through. “No,” she whispered. “I’m glad you can believe it, because I can’t.”
They were one person, now.
But they weren’t meant to be and he knew it. So why could they speak to each others’ hearts this way?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?
He was in denial himself, and he knew it. He had always, even while
denying it, held on to the hope that one day things would change, and he would have a chance. He wouldn’t have made it this far if he hadn’t, in a tiny part of him, been able to hold on to that hope.
“I’m here, Jaina. And I’ll never leave you.”
I never know what the future brings, but I know you are here with me now
Nothing clamed Kyp more than watching the stars. So he sat in front of the viewport in Shelter, gazing at them, more at peace than he could remember being in his life. But the peace, for once, came not form the pristine majesty of the shining distant pinpricks of light, but from who he held in his arms.
Jaina’s warm body rested against his, her head on his shoulder, wrapped in his arms. She was sleeping, finally, after crying for hours on his shoulder, all over Jag.
He knew she’d only turned to him for comfort, because she had no one else to turn to, and that she really wasn’t his. Sooner or later, she would realize that she could live without him and would leave. But for now, for this moment, she was in his arms, where she belonged, whether she knew it or not, and whether he could bring himself to admit it to his own heart.
We’ll make it through
They would make it through this, and through the war. Together they had the strength, even if it didn’t come from mutual love. But the strength of their hearts as one would pull them through.
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
Maybe she would leave, sooner or alter, but for now he could hope; hope that she never would. He never wanted to part from her again. He wanted to spend every moment of the rest of his life with her.
His heart knew it, even if common sense and reason told him he couldn’t be in love with her.
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
He sat there, in the cockpit of his X-wing, watching the bubbles that made up shelter disappear in the tangle of light and darkness that was the Maw. His heart was being ripped out and he gasped aloud from the pain. This was the last thing he’d ever wanted to do, but the first thing he should have done when he realized he was falling in love with her.
He couldn’t endure another moment with her, knowing she saw him only as a “partner”, a big brother, someone she could count on when everyone else failed her.
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
The Force did not want them to be together, he knew that. She would never be his, and he knew it.
But if that was true, why did his heart and soul say differently? Why did they constantly tell him that neither he nor Jaina would ever be complete without the other?
He didn’t know, and so he ran away.
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
His soul cried out and he searched the Force, trying to find a way he could have stayed there, still holding her. He had left her asleep in front of the viewport, knowing there was no way he could have stayed there with her.
But still, he cried out for answers.
If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
He lay on the hard, lumpy bed in the dingy inn, telling himself he didn’t need her. His happiness was not contingent on one person. She’s not the only one for you, his mind told him as his heart rebelled. He felt a silent tear trickle down his cheek.
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
Jaina. It was his only coherent thought. He couldn’t force it away or make other thoughts crowd it out. His whole being was wrapped up in the sound of it.
How could he feel this way if he didn’t need her?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
He had never felt so…agonized. Tortured. He could feel the distance between them; it was the darkest voice, the deepest chasm. No matter how he tried, he could not cross it, and it was driving him insane. The fact that he could feel her taunted him and only made it worse. His whole life was consumed with the knowledge that he could not close the distance between them.
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
He had never asked much of the universe, of life, of the Force. Just a chance to redeem himself, to prove to himself that he was not the tortured boy who had blown up Carida, snuffing out billions of lives.
But the one thing he wanted more than anything in the universe was for Jaina to be his. He woke up from the happiest of dreams, dreams of her as his wife, in his arms, only to feel even more grief-stricken when he realized it was only a dream.
I don’t know why you’re so far away
She was on the other side of the galaxy, yet he could still feel her. In his deepest soul, he did not know why they had to be separated; why the Force had decided they could never be together, not even as friends. It made no sense. Surely no one, not even the destroyer of Carida, deserved this kind of agony.
But I know that this much is true: we’ll make it through
But he did know that though they might be separated physically, nothing could truly keep them apart. They were as much a part of each others’ lives as any two people could be, and so they would make it through this too.
“If it’s not alright, it’s not the end,” he whispered to himself, and even while he said it, he wasn’t sure if he believed it anymore.
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
Most people thought of him as a cynic, but there was a part of him that could never let go of hope no matter how futile and no matter what happened. And that part of him still hoped that someday there would be a way he could be with her. Forever.
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
He wanted to spend his life with her and when the time came, die with her. Even death, if they could face it together, would simply be another adventure. He wanted to die with her in his arms, finally at peace with the galaxy and himself. He wanted to rest forever in the peace he had known for one brief moment at Shelter.
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
Always, from the time he was just a slave in the spice mines of Kessel, to when he had chased smugglers around the galaxy, to the Vong War, till now, he had had an image in his head, a hope locked in his heart, of the ideal life. Peace and a home filled with love and children and a wife. He couldn’t put a finger on the moment that that dream-wife had taken on Jaina’s face, but it had, and did, and more than anything he wanted that dream to be a reality.
I hope I love you all my life
As much as loving her tortured him, as much as he hated himself for doing so, he wanted to love her forever. His love had awoken him, given him a purpose in life, made him human for the first time. That love meant everything to him, and he never ever wanted to give it up. He could endure all of this pain, if only he still had that love.
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand; if I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
He had never known it was possible to miss someone so much that it made him ache, so much that he could taste it. He couldn’t breathe; the oxygen simply would not come. He missed everything about her. He missed talking to her, and her sad-eyed smile, the sound of her laugh, the wholeness he felt when they were connected in the Force, their playful banter, the silent moments between them. He missed knowing she was next door to him at night and that when he left his room in the morning hers would be the first face he saw. It was all of those little things that made life worth the living.
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
He sank within himself, wrapping his essence around the part of him that would always be hers. He forgot everything but her, and she became his oxygen, the one thing that kept him alive. It was the only part of him from which he could draw the strength to face today. Silently, he begged the Force to give him enough strength to make it through just one more day.
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
It was wrong to love her so much and he knew it. To be so totally consumed by one person couldn’t be right. It was self-inflicted torture and that was wrong, too. And he knew Jaina was feeling everything he was, and that it was hurting her, too. He had absolutely no right to hurt her.
And though I can’t be with you tonight, know my heart is by your side
Dimly, he felt a ghost of a call from her and he pulled back. I can’t, he whispered to her. Don’t ask me. He wasn’t sure whether or not she heard him, but he sent another gentle caress to her to let her know that he still loved her and that though they couldn’t be together, he was always with her.
Always. You’re mine and I’ll never leave you.
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand. If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
Why?
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I'm terrible, aren't I?
-----signature-----
“Jacen, never stop asking questions." -Luke  "The vaping lines keep moving." - Kyp  "Fiction confronts you with the awesome fact that you are not the only real thing in this world." --Zadie Smith
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C3SoloP0
Registered:
Dec '02
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Date Posted:
4/20/03 3:08pm
Subject:
RE: If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
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evil!!! My poor Kyp!!!!
That was ssoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sad!!!!!!! And the worst thing is that while I was reading this the song I was listening to wasn't helping me at all!!!!
*want to cry now...*
But otherwise...it was beautiful JJD..... 
-----signature-----
Proud member of *The Fortress*
"NEVER THE END!"
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EBrooklynW
Registered:
Apr '03
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Date Posted:
4/20/03 3:55pm
Subject:
RE: If You?re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
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OMG!
Yesterday I was driving in the car and the song came on the radio and I was about to flip it when I stopped and listen to the lyrics, and then I thought it was such a perfect Jaina/Kyp song... Which was then followed by why hasn't anyone done a songfic to it. Of course it's today that i come on and see it.
Yahoo!
But it's so sad  ... Jaina needs to realized whats right infront of her.
~EBrooklynW
-----signature-----
"For a second I totally forgot about Tyler's whole controlled demolition thing and I wonder how clean that gun is. " -Fight Club
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JainaDurron
Registered:
Aug '02
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Date Posted:
4/20/03 3:57pm
Subject:
RE: If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
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You are EVIL! Write that sequel!
~~Jilly
-----signature-----
Qeryné, Handmaiden of the Crest
Beta for Midnight_Jedi and Amidala_Skywalker
Proud K/Jer (Rogue and Goddess); Twin Suns Lead- KDFC
Winner for Best Romance Beyond the Saga, SFFA
K/J is love!!!
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Elfsheen
Registered:
Feb '03
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Date Posted:
4/21/03 3:12am
Subject:
RE: If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
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Hmmm, evil isn't the right word, devious is more like it. Truth to tell I don't really know what to think of this songfic, but I loved the way in which you painted the emotions!
-----signature-----
You're the worst hallucination ever!!!
I'm not crazy I just have a second consciousness in my brain
Double Oh Fang
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the_jedi_princess
Registered:
Apr '02
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Date Posted:
4/21/03 4:34am
Subject:
RE: If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
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AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOUR PINCHED MY SONG FOR MY VIGGIE!!!!!
Dibs on Delta Goodrem. No one else go anywhere near her CD or I will..... not read your stories no more!!!
Apart from that, it's a great fic JJD. And no, I won't stay angry with you. 
-----signature-----
“Sometimes I wonder, that when I die, will it be my life that is celebrated, or my death?”
~Kyp Durron, Papa Don't Preach
==>Fan Fics in profile<==
Dark Lady of the JC
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Jedi_Jaina_Durron
Registered:
Dec '01
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Date Posted:
4/21/03 5:06am
Subject:
RE: If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
- Date Edited:
4/22/03 5:01am (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Jedi_Jaina_Durron
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C3SoloP0- Sorry for almost making you cry!   Thanks!
EBrooklynW- That's kinda freaky...mmm...Thanks! And I agree with you...Jaina's an idiot! 
Jilly- Yes, MA'AM!
Elfsheen- Devious, huh? I kinda like the sound of that!  I'm not sure what to think of it either. I don't know where it came from. But thanks anyways!
[b]the_jedi_princess-[b] Sorry!  No, I won't go near that CD...and you could always write another songfic to this, you know. Wouldn't bother me a bit. Thanks! And I'm glad you're not mad at me!
-----signature-----
“Jacen, never stop asking questions." -Luke "The vaping lines keep moving." - Kyp "Fiction confronts you with the awesome fact that you are not the only real thing in this world." --Zadie Smith
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Jedi_Jaina_Durron
Registered:
Dec '01
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Date Posted:
4/21/03 1:42pm
Subject:
RE: If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
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up!
-----signature-----
“Jacen, never stop asking questions." -Luke "The vaping lines keep moving." - Kyp "Fiction confronts you with the awesome fact that you are not the only real thing in this world." --Zadie Smith
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Eowyn_Jade
Registered:
Jan '03
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Date Posted:
4/21/03 1:43pm
Subject:
RE: If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
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oh very sweet...very sad... Loved it ^_^ Yes, you should definitly write a sequel!
EJ
-----signature-----
"You guys are like ravenous wolves." -Devin
*~* Defying Gravity *~*
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Jaina-Solo-Fel13
Registered:
Dec '02
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Date Posted:
4/21/03 2:41pm
Subject:
RE: If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
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I loved it, but I am a J/Jer. But you wrote this very nicely and I LOVE the song choice. A sequel would be cool. I would read it.
-----signature-----
"I don't care what you smell! Get in there!" -Han Solo, A New Hope
"Life's more painless for the brainless..." Dancing Through Life; Wicked:The Musical
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JainaJag00
Registered:
Aug '02
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Date Posted:
4/21/03 3:07pm
Subject:
RE: If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
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poor guy!!!! does he kill himself at the end? or does he just simply fly away? thats the one thing that got me kinda confused abt this. but otherwise it was REALLY good. i like the way u did kyp's emotions (even tho im a jjer).
-----signature-----
Jag and Jaina forever!!!!!!
Look in my bio for links to my stories/viggies!
http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=10145097 A Niruaun Night- J/J
Coming sometime in the future: The Final Force: Lost and Solo by JJ00 and TBF!
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Jaya_Jade_Durron
Registered:
Aug '02
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Date Posted:
4/21/03 8:17pm
Subject:
RE: If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
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More please that was very good. the funny thing is that my boyfriend just reguested that song on the redio to me, just as i started to read your story. which i think is so very kool. keep of the good work JJD and hugs.
-----signature-----
"Anger is Dark, but the love of Justice is light." Kyp Durron, Destiny's Way
Happy two year B-day to NM & PM's Place
when there is no one else to trun to a brother is always there 4 u.
Twin Suns Ten ~ KDFC
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Elven_Jedi_Maiden
Registered:
Apr '03
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Date Posted:
4/25/03 7:19am
Subject:
RE: If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
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Oh, poor Kyp!!!
Sequel! Sequel! Sequel!
You can't leave us like that!
Great fic. For someone who isn't a HUGE fan of K/J, well, you wrote it well enough so that even I could get into the story. Awesome!
-----signature-----
Save the Earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
Jag and Danni stink.. 
I love Legolas and Zekk!!!
J/Z, J/TK, and L/M die hard
Adoptee to LadyMairead
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rogue11lovesjag
Registered:
Jun '02
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Date Posted:
4/25/03 11:27am
Subject:
RE: If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
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*cries* That was so sad!!!
Poor Kyp!!!
~Rogue
-----signature-----
Carrolé, Handmaiden of the Crest!
Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of everyone who ruins my ships.
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duskwings
Registered:
Jan '03
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Date Posted:
4/25/03 2:02pm
Subject:
RE: If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
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Oh, that was beautiful . . . it doesn't matter that there was no mush, it was beautiful all the same. *sighs happily* And the song was absolutely perfect--I can understand why TJP would be rather unhappy about not being able to use that in a songfic . . .
-duskwings
-----signature-----
Fic: "All Those Who Take the Sword" (one-shot, OCs) http://boards.theforce.net/BfS/b10475/17032943/ [more fics in bio] Participating in the Writer's Race http://boards.theforce.net/FFR/b10304/18538701/
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Elfsheen
Registered:
Feb '03
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Date Posted:
8/2/03 1:46pm
Subject:
RE: If You’re Not the One ~ a Kyp angst songfic (thanks TKL!)
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Oh the evilness of this story! What have you done??
Well it was great even if you tortured him so much and left us without a proper ending...well let's just say the ending we all hoped for
-----signature-----
You're the worst hallucination ever!!!
I'm not crazy I just have a second consciousness in my brain
Double Oh Fang
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