Jedi Council Forums - Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia

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Author	Topic: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad Viggie!- Replies to comments 3/22
GreatOne Registered: May '03	Date Posted: 3/20/04 6:40am Subject: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad Viggie!- Replies to comments 3/22 - Date Edited: 3/21/04 5:35am (5 edits total) Edited By: GreatOne
	~I got inspired to write this after reading a list about what is a "Mary Sue". As I read the list, I said to myself..."Self, this list sounds a LOT like Mara Jade! It just needs a few embellishments, and you could have yourself the ultimate "Mary Sue" story! And who better to write it than someone actually named Mary Sue??? And I did warn Jedi-2B and kayladie97 they were treating my main man really, really badly, and I'd have to get even! I hope I don't get permanently banned from the Boards for this..... Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man The beautiful, slinky, twenty-something woman with red-gold flowing locks made her way up the ramp of the Falcon, and over to the cockpit, where she'd seen her prey from a distance. Moving quietly as a cat, in her body-hugging catsuit, she entered the small room and looked down at the object of her desire as he lay on his back with his head stuck under the control panel. "Hello, Han," the beautiful woman purred. "Mara? What are you doing here?" Han asked, an expression of surprise on his face, as he pushed himself into a seated position. "I'm here for you, big boy," she said as she crouched down, revealing her ample cleavage. "Me? Did Leia send you over for some reason?" Mara Laura laughed, her voice sounding like delicate chimes. "Silly man! Of course not!" With that, she tackled Solo to the ground, kissing him passionately. "But...but..." Han mumbled against her rose-red lips. "What about Talon Karrde? Or Lando? Or Luke?" "There was nothing between me and Talon! Or Lando, either!" she protested. "But what about that time Leia and I..." "Oh that little incident!" Again she gave her sulty, misty laugh. "They were just kidding! It was just a silly little misunderstanding! Didn't you know that?" "They? Who are They"? Han asked, puzzled, but keeping his arms wrapped tightly around the gorgeous woman. Who couldn't love her? Everybody Loves Mara! "The ProFic writers, silly!" Mara explained. "Now, let's go somewhere more comfortable, like your bunk." "Uh... sure!" Han said agreeably, if somewhat confused. "But what about Leia?" "Who?" "My wife?" "Oh. Well, you'll just have to divorce her and marry me, you handsome hunk of burning love," she giggled. "But we have kids! Three of them, I think," Han said as he allowed Mara to lead him to his cabin. "Do you ever see these kids?" Mara asked, annoyed. "No. Luke and Winter take care of them." "Do you ever see Leia?" "No. She's too busy running the galaxy." "Then what is the problem?" Mara snapped, wondering if she'd need to use the Force to get Han to cooperate. "I'm far more beautiful and Force-sensitive than she is! And I want kids! Lots of Force-strong little kids!" She stomped her little foot delicately. "If I wait for Skywalker to get around to it, I'll be almost fifty before I have my first one! Not that my age would matter, mind you! I'll ALWAYS look like I'm in my twenties! Don't you want a wife that will never, ever age?" Han put his finger on his chin thoughtfully. A wife that never aged? Now that would be great! "No problem that I can see!" He told Mara happily. Mara Laura pulled Han into his cabin and shut the door. ************* Six months later.... The grand wedding had thousands of guests. Luke sat in the front row, between Lando and Talon. "I can't believe I let her get away!" Luke wailed loudly as the stunning, pregnant bride with red-gold hair walked up the aisle. "She was MINE! Mine! Do you hear me?!" Luke grabbed Lando by the front of his ruffled shirt, sobbing inconsolably. "Hey, Luke, will you calm down?" Lando growled, prying the Jedi's fingers off his clothes. "Mara was everybody's! Don't you think I'm upset, too?" Talon sighed. "Everybody Loves Mara! Now I've lost the best pilot in the galaxy to that stupid Corellian!" Luke Skywalker ignored the two men and turned around to face Leia, who was sitting in the row behind him, talking on a comlink. "Leia? Why didn't you stop him? What was wrong with you? Now I've lost my soulmate!! I can never be happy again, not that I was ever happy to begin with, but I digress. And this is all because you weren't woman enough to keep your man!" Leia pulled the comlink away from her ear. "Luke, is this important? I'm in a high-level political meeting right now!" "Your husband is marrying another woman! That's not important?" Luke yelled. "Who?" "Your HUSBAND! Han SOLO! Don't you remember him?" "Um, no. Not really," Leia mused. "They don't seem to think it's important to keep us together too much, so I've kind of forgotten who my husband is." "You had THREE KIDS with him, for Force-sakes! How could you FORGET him?" Luke screamed in frustration. "Kids?" Leia asked, confused. "I have kids?" Luke threw his hands up in the air. "I knew it was a mistake to let you pawn your brats off on me! Now Mara wants kids of her own, because she thinks YOURS are so wonderful!" "Why didn't you just ask Mara to marry you a long time ago if you loved her so much?" Lando asked as he filed his fingernails. "I have no idea..." Luke trailed off. "All these women kept throwing themselves at me, and I was so confused! But I never loved any of them! I only loved Mara!" Skywalker put his face into his hands and sobbed hysterically. The rest of the audience, except for President Organa who was busy talking into her comlink, turned their attention to the Wedding Ceremony. "Do you, Mara Laura Jade," the Priest yelled at the top of his lungs, in order to be heard over the wailing Skywalker, "Take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" "Yes," the radiant red-gold haired bride replied. "And do you, Han Solo, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" "Sure, why not?" "Does anyone here object to this wedding? Speak now, or forever hold your peace." "I OBJECT!" Luke shouted, as he jumped up. "I OBJECT!!!" Mara Laura whipped out her lightsaber. "Skywalker! Shut up!" "Yes, my love," Luke mumbled and sat back down. "This is highly unusual," the Priest grumbled. Solo whipped out his blaster and pointed it at the Priest. "Just get on with it!" "I now pronounce you Husband and Wife!" the Priest said hurriedly. A loud thud sounded as Luke Skywalker passed out and fell off the bench. ******* Han and Mara Laura Jade-Solo lived happily ever after, until Han got old and Mara didn't. Then she left Han and found herself a twenty-something Jedi and got remarried. THE END (forgive me.... )
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Calandria Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 3/20/04 6:56am Subject: RE: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad, Bad Viggie! - Date Edited: 3/20/04 6:57am (1 edits total) Edited By: Calandria
	<--- too busy laughing to even worry about anything else. You're right... the perfect Mary Sue EDIT: nice... got first post -----signature----- Empress of Coruscant Story Links in Bio
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kayladie97 Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 3/20/04 7:08am Subject: RE: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad, Bad Viggie!
	You are SO-OOOOO wicked! I was laughing the whole time I read it! Pause to recite part of the SJRS Code: Mara Jade is NOT a Mary Sue! But you didn't treat your own beloved ship much better, did you? Leia forgetting about Han? Hmm, what does that say about HIM? Oh, Luke's all alone...guess I need to go console him. And you WERE going to like chapter 12...think I'll go revise it now. So there. And your name is really Mary Sue? -----signature----- My new philosophy of life (borrowed from Elvis Presley) "The sun's down and the moon is pretty. It's time to ramble."
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_JM_ Registered: Jun '01	Date Posted: 3/20/04 7:14am Subject: RE: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad, Bad Viggie!
	I'm a pretty dour sort, but LOL Moving quietly as a cat, in her body-hugging catsuit Lovely spoof of the overuse of a metaphor. Mara was everybody's Good job she didn't hear Lando say that, could have been messy A loud thud sounded as Luke Skywalker passed out and fell off the bench. Maraaa..AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! THUD! -----signature----- Seeming unable to just say "Nice post, I enjoyed it" Sometimes amazed at how "I'll reply tomorrow" becomes "I should have replied last week" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Return of a Jedi. http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/23421597
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JediNemesis Registered: Mar '03	Date Posted: 3/20/04 7:47am Subject: RE: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad, Bad Viggie!
	must stop laughing That was hysterical . . . just please, never make me have to imagine that scene again Nem -----signature----- BeTS Best Author '08 NEW Bad Dreams - http://boards.theforce.net/a/b1/29893091 Eleven Summers - http://boards.theforce.net/a/b1/29657584 Into The Shining Day - http://boards.theforce.net/a/b1/29224914
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Jedi-2B Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 3/20/04 10:34am Subject: RE: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad, Bad Viggie! - Date Edited: 3/20/04 10:38am (1 edits total) Edited By: Jedi-2B
	ROTFL!!! Soooo funny, GreatOne. There are too many funny lines to quote them all. So now that you've got this out of your system, I guess kayladie and I can go back to our regular regime of sticking it to Han. EDIT: Now I know why Luke positioned himself between Mara and Han in the new banner on this page. -----signature----- It was on her fifteenth day in the darkness of the Nirauan cave when Mara Jade awoke to discover a rescuer had finally arrived. It was not, however, any of the potential rescuers she would have expected. It was Luke. ~~And the rest is history~~
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RebelMom Title: TFF Secretary Registered: Apr '00	Date Posted: 3/20/04 10:45am Subject: RE: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad, Bad Viggie!
	That was so funny. I was laughing the whole time. Nobody was sacred. I was going to be nice to Han in my next fic. Maybe I shouldn't -----signature----- Short Story: Pressure Point http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/26961243/p1/?7 Jacen Solo and Anakin Skywalker - as it should have been. TFF: Cheryl
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darkladyhannasolo Registered: Jun '02	Date Posted: 3/20/04 11:28am Subject: RE: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad, Bad Viggie!
	That was so funny. Poor Luke he was still the whimp. LOL -----signature----- Han/Leia best couple in SW!! "I love you." -- Leia "I know." --Han
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PrincessDaisy2 Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 3/20/04 12:34pm Subject: RE: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad, Bad Viggie!
	Hilarious! Perfect parody of the EU! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I guess I can forgive you for marrying Han and Mara... "Your HUSBAND! Han SOLO! Don't you remember him?" "Um, no. Not really," Leia mused. "They don't seem to think it's important to keep us together too much, so I've kind of forgotten who my husband is." "You had THREE KIDS with him, for Force-sakes! How could you FORGET him?" Luke screamed in frustration. "Kids?" Leia asked, confused. "I have kids?" Wow, you've just about wrapped everything I dislike about the EU into one compact little story. Awesome! -----signature----- "I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate." - Dark Helmet, Spaceballs "And, if I am in fact meeting with George Lucas, I have my Boba Fett T-shirt." - Seth Cohen H/L fics in bio
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RogueSticks Title: 7th JC House Cup - Winner Slytherin Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 3/20/04 2:03pm Subject: RE: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad, Bad Viggie!
	::laughs so hard that she faints from lack of oxygen:: Sweet stars, WHERE do you get this stuff? This was absolutely hilarious! You captured the characterization of Them very well I thought. -----signature----- ECHO BASE: http://www.hostingphpbb.com/forum/index.php?mforum=echobase
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DARTH_MARIANA Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 3/20/04 3:27pm Subject: RE: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad, Bad Viggie!
	That was hilarious! Even though I don't know what a Mary Sue is. ~Mariana~ -----signature----- The more kinder, gentler side of SITH_LORD_MARIANA May the Schwartz be with you! Use the Schwartz! I see that your Schwartz is as big as mine. Princess Vespa, Dot, Lone Starr, Barf, Yogurt, Colonel Sandurz, Dark Helmet and President Skroob
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Kab730 Registered: Jan '01	Date Posted: 3/20/04 3:30pm Subject: RE: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad, Bad Viggie!
	Loved It!
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TiaRaye Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 3/20/04 5:41pm Subject: RE: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad, Bad Viggie!
	Hi.........................................LARIOUS!!!! What's scary is, it's pretty close to true!!! Tia -----signature----- "Do not endeavor to deal with Dragons, for you are crunchy, and taste good with ketchup."
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GreatOne Registered: May '03	Date Posted: 3/21/04 5:34am Subject: RE: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad, Bad Viggie! - Date Edited: 3/22/04 3:40pm (1 edits total) Edited By: GreatOne
	Wow!!! I got 12 people to read this crazy ficlet!! Calandria - I'm glad you read it! kayladie97 - LOL! I DID warn you!! Pause to recite part of the SJRS Code: Mara Jade is NOT a Mary Sue! - OK! If you say so! Leia forgetting about Han? Hmm, what does that say about HIM? - She forgot her own CHILDREN in this story! We can blame it on Them . And you WERE going to like chapter 12...think I'll go revise it now. So there - Threats, threats.... I have a very warped imagination.... there might be more where this came from. And your name is really Mary Sue? sighs - Yes, it is!!!!! Now, I never knew my name was used as an insult until I started reading fanfic! But since a "Mary Sue" is the perfect woman, maybe I should just take it as a compliment! JM - Good job she didn't hear Lando say that, could have been messy - hehe. A headless Lando at Mara and Han's wedding. JediNemesis - just please, never make me have to imagine that scene again - I can't make any promises!! (just ask kayladie97, Jedi-2B and RebelMom!) Jedi-2B - So now that you've got this out of your system, I guess kayladie and I can go back to our regular regime of sticking it to Han. - You notice Han did NOT have to ask Luke for permission to marry Mara in MY story! RebelMom - I was going to be nice to Han in my next fic. Maybe I shouldn't - Even MORE threats to my Corellian!! LOL!! darkladyhannasolo - Ahhh. Poor, unhappy, forever without his soulmate, Luke! But I figure that after Mara leaves Han at the end of my story, Han could always just go back to Leia. She probably wouldn't have noticed he had been gone, anyway! PrincessDaisy2 - you've just about wrapped everything I dislike about the EU into one compact little story - Yes, that did just about sum up MY complaints, too. But I doubt the EU authors care. sighs RogueSticks - WHERE do you get this stuff? - (Wow. No WMD! Yeah!!)- As far as where I get it... hmmm.... blame kayladie97 and Jedi-2B! Then, throw in the fact I read a "Mary Sue" list over at Writers Resource, and the fact my dog kept me up half the night because it was thundering, and there you go! A really, really, warped story! DARTH MARIANA - Even though I don't know what a Mary Sue is - apparently she is the perfect woman.... just like ME! Kab730 - Thanks, Kab! I haven't seen you around for awhile! TiaRaye - What's scary is, it's pretty close to true!!! - Arghhh!! Nooo!!! Thanks, everybody, for reading!!!
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LaYa_ Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 3/21/04 5:50am Subject: RE: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad Viggie!- Replies to comments 3/2
	shocked laughs so much That was hilarious! -----signature----- The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.
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GreatOne Registered: May '03	Date Posted: 3/21/04 11:57am Subject: RE: Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man - Mara/Han/Luke/Lando/Leia - Bad Viggie!- Replies to comments 3/2
	LaYa - It was pretty shocking, wasn't it?
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