Jedi Council Forums - Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 3/4/08

Locked Topic | Read Only Topic | Previous Active Topic | Next Active Topic

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 » - Previous | Next | Reload

Author	Topic: Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 3/4/08
Sword-of_the-Jedi Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 8/24/04 8:05pm Subject: RE: Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 8/16 - Date Edited: 9/5/04 8:04am (1 edits total) Edited By: Sword-of_the-Jedi
	Wow... that actually made my eyes a little blurry, lol! Quite a feat, JPS, I assure you Keep up the good work on this one SWORD -----signature----- "Always you shall be at the front rank, a burning brand to your enemies, a brilliant fire to your friends."
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Jedi-Princess-Solo Registered: Apr '02	Date Posted: 8/24/04 8:37pm Subject: Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 8/25 - Date Edited: 8/31/04 4:00pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Jedi-Princess-Solo
	It was quiet aboard the Millennium Falcon. Too quiet. In years past, the ship had been filled with noise and commotion, laughter and tears. The former smuggling vessel had become a second, more mobile, home for his family, compartments once used to store illegal cargo had been modified to serve as hiding spaces for the kids in case of an emergency. The cabins had been refurnished as comfortable bedrooms so that they would feel at home whenever they were confined the ship on long journeys, and the food-prep machine reprogrammed with Leia, Luke and children's tastes in mind. This ship had been the backdrop for some of the most important and pivotal moments of his life, but it had also held so many simple, peaceful joys that were now lost to him forever. Once, the sound of lightsabers humming in the hold where training remotes were providing a chance to get in some sword practice, or the chuckling roar of victory coming from the dejarik table would have carried into the cockpit. Leia would have been seated in the corner, murmuring to herself as she made notes on the datapad containing her next speech, Luke would have been meditating with his eyes closed in his chair, Jacen would have been reading a bookchip or staring off at space blankly, deep in thought, while Jaina and Anakin would have found something to take apart and rebuild, much to Chewie's chagrin. In the early days, the air would have been filled with giggling voices as Threepio droned on and on with some story, most likely The Little Lost Bantha Cub, which had been recited so many times that Han still, to this day, knew every word of it by heart. Maybe he'd get around to telling that story to his nephew Ben one day, and save the boy from Threepio. Sighing, Han shook his head, wondering what he had ever done to deserve being stuck with that insufferable protocol droid. If he had to take a guess, though, he would blame it on Darth Vader, it would be right up his Sith father-in-law to find a way to torment him from the afterlife, redeemed Jedi in the end or not. "You like Threepio and you know it," Leia accused from the oversized copilot's chair where she was curled up, her knees to her chest, and staring out the viewport at nothing in particular, her gaze distant and haunted with things that Han recognized all too well. "You'll never get me to admit it," he shot back, mustering up a smile, for her sake, even if she wasn't looking. They slipped back into the melancholy silence that had fallen over them, and Han stared down at the dimmed display console in front of him. In a while, they would be moving to the refugee camp, but for now neither of them was ready to leave the Falcon. It was almost as if her battered, but sturdy walls were keeping them within a protective bubble, a final safe haven in a galaxy that had suddenly become as cold as durasteel. A part of Han was eager to get out, to stretch his legs and breathe fresh air, but he knew Leia wasn't ready yet, and he was going to stand by her side through every minute of their shared ordeal. He wouldn't fail her again, not the way he had after Chewie... Besides, if he was honest with himself, the real reason he wanted off the Falcon had nothing to do with being cooped up too long and everything to do with needing to escape the smothering memories. Every corner held a different story that he couldn't forget, because over the years his family had probably spent more time aboard this ship than at their Coruscant apartment. And now his beloved ship felt empty, a thick shroud of loneliness hanging in the air. Sometimes he half-thought he heard the echo of little feet scurrying across the deckplates, or the familiar grunts of an agitated Wookiee hard at work trying to make the hyperdrive work correctly. But it was always just his imagination. Chewie was dead, he'd given his life to save Anakin on Sernpidal, and now his sacrifice had been for nothing, because Anakin had been taken from them just the same. No, not for nothing, Han decided grimly. Chewie had given them all a gift more precious than words could ever say. He'd given them two more years with Anakin, and that somehow made what Chewie had done for them even more heroic. If only he had known that he was going to lose not only his youngest child, but his oldest boy, as well. For all of Leia's insistence that Jacen was alive, and as desperately as he wanted to believe her, Han knew that both of their sons were gone forever. Whatever it was that the Jedi had felt from Jacen through the Force, Leia was in denial about it, it hadn't been just a dimming, it really had been a goodbye, and Han knew it. He'd seen it in his brother-in-law's haunted expression, in Mara's quivering lips, in Kyp's subdued sadness. But he hadn't really believed it until he saw it in Jaina's eyes. His little girl had never seemed more fragile than she had in that moment, with her younger brother's body laying on a repulsorsled just feet behind her and her twin nowhere to be found. Suddenly he had been aware of just how young she really was, of how much of her childhood, her innocence, had been stolen from her. And now her brothers had been taken, as well. In that moment, it had felt like someone had taken a vibrohammer right to Han's heart, and the ache had spread so completely throughout his entire body that he didn't see how he could ever recover. Jacen, his oldest boy, the child he never quite understood. While his sister and brother were always running around, their laughter echoing around them as they splashed in the water and run circles around Chewie in the open fields, Jacen had preferred to sit and stare off into the distance. For a time, Han had been worried, fearing his son was just lazy, but Leia had ensured him that wasn't the case, that Jacen was pondering things the rest of them couldn't even begin to fathom. As his boy grew older, Han had seen it, too, that wisdom that seemed out of place for one so young, but somehow it had suited Jacen. I shouldn't have given him such a hard time about things, he thought morosely. I should have tried harder to understand where he was coming from. Just like he should have tried harder to make sure Anakin knew that he didn't blame him for Sernpidal. His youngest child, his baby, had been faced with a terrible choice that day, and his decision only proved that Anakin had been a true Jedi Knight. As much as Anakin had loved Chewie, as much as it had nearly killed him to leave the beloved Wookiee behind, he had done what he had to in order to save the lives of an entire shipload of people. And Han had blamed him for it. How many months had he wasted, cutting himself off from Leia and the kids... months he should have been spending hugging his children every time they came home, because in war you never knew when your last gruff goodbye would be it, when that silent stare across a hangar would be the last time you ever saw them again... His boys were dead. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair. They were just children, no matter how mature or strong they may have seemed to the rest of the galaxy, they were still just children. His children. And now they were gone. Losing Chewbacca had been a terrible blow, and Han had not believed that he could ever feel that much hurt ever again, but he had been wrong. His sons had fallen on some distant worldship, an entire galaxy away, and he had been helpless to do anything about it. He had been opposed to the mission from the start, the odds had been enormous and the danger worse than anything he could have imagined. Bad enough to have his children fighting in a war where everyone around them was being cut down, but to send them right into the very heart of enemy territory? Worse still, to hand them over to the Yuuzhan Vong's merciless clutches, all for the sake of a fleeting, dismal chance at destroying the voxyn? Luke had called for a vote, though, and Anakin had looked at him, with those eyes that were so like Luke's, eyes that had come from the man behind Darth Vader's mask, and told him to do what his heart told him was right. And shavit, he hadn't been able to do anything else. From the moment the kids and their strike team had left, Han had been on edge, a terrible churning in his gut telling him that this would not go as smoothly as Anakin had tried to assure him it would. Even without the Force, he'd known what was awaiting his children on their crazy, Force-damned mission, but some part of him had convinced himself that it would all work out in the end somehow. They were as much Skywalker as they were Solo, and if there was one thing that Skywalker blood was good for, it was pulling a death-defying last minute escape out of thin air, and doing it with style. He'd seen his kids do it hundreds of times, even before the start of the war, and he'd been certain they could it again. Only the Force had other plans for his boys. "There was nothing you could have done." "There had to have been," Han muttered, unable to bring himself to look at her, his eyes stinging with tears he had to fight to keep at bay. "There had to have been something..." he trailed off, voice close to breaking, and closed his eyes, his head falling into his hands. "Anakin was a Jedi," Leia whispered. "He died doing what Jedi do." For the first time in his life, Han wished he had never heard of the Force, because all it seemed to bring his family was pain and suffering. But almost as soon as he thought it, the anger faded away, and Han knew he could never have really wished such a thing anyway. The Force had blessed him with everything he had, it had given him such beautiful, beautiful children with such incredible gifts... and he was proud of them, all three of them, for all the good they had done, for all that they stood for and fought for as Jedi Knights. Sometimes he just wondered why it always had to be his Jedi that were at the center of everything. "We should be proud of him," Leia said, drawing a shuddering breath. "He may have saved us all at Myrkr..." "I am proud of him," Han rasped, lifting his head. "I just wish I'd told him that." "He knew," Leia assured him softly. It hadn't escaped his notice that she was speaking only of Anakin, not Jacen, and Han made a silent vow to let her keep her illusions for now, to let her come to terms with the truth in her own time. He could not, would not, put that hurt on her shoulders, by trying to make her accept it. And a small part of him felt that as long as Leia, at least, believed, then there was still a chance, still a thread of hope... He knew better than to cling to such impossible dreams, though, and he needed to focus on the family that he still had left, a family which had been broken into a thousand tiny pieces after Myrkr. But how could they possibly overcome this, how could they possibly ever heal from this blow? Jacen and Anakin were dead, Leia was alternating between denial on Jacen's fate and sinking into the suffocating grief of their youngest's death, Mara and Luke were blaming themselves, and Jaina was pushing them all away, cutting herself off from everyone and everything in an attempt to numb the pain. The pain of losing their sons was incomprehensible, it was a struggle for Han and Leia to just get through the little things, like breathing, but they still had Jaina, they still had one child to anchor themselves to, a child for which they had to find a way to pick themselves up again. If they lost Jaina, too, though, he knew they would not be able to go on. He suddenly had the most desperate urge to gather her up in his arms and never let her go, to steal her away aboard the Falcon and take her somewhere far away from war and fighting and death, to someplace where nothing could ever touch her again. But there was no safe haven, no hidden world where he could shelter the shattered remains of his family from the rest of the galaxy. And if he couldn't protect his sons, what made him think he could do a better job with Jaina? Han felt so old all of the sudden, as if all the years of living on the edge had finally caught up with him. He'd never been afraid of death, Force knew he'd played tag with it enough during his younger days. He'd always known sooner or later it would come to collect. He'd just never expected it to take his children. "We have company," Leia's quiet murmur jolted him out of his reverie, and he glanced over at her expecting to find her straightening in her seat, slipping on the composed mask. The fact that she wasn't even bothering, her chin still resting on her knees, told him that either their visitor was someone that she knew well enough that she didn't feel the need to put on airs with, or it was someone that she didn't think was worth the effort. A few moments later, when Kyp Durron appeared in the doorway of the cockpit, Han decided it could go either way. "Hi, kid," he said, favoring the young Jedi Master with a weak smile of greeting. "How's it going?" "I should be asking you that," Kyp pointed out wearily, eyeing them both with a sympathetic, concerned expression that Han had seen too many times already for his tastes. "Ah, don't worry about us," Han insisted, reaching over to take Leia's hand and give it a squeeze. "We're a tough old pair, aren't we, sweetheart?" "Well, you certainly have the old part down," Kyp agreed, taking his cue from Han's own attempt at making lighthearted conversation. "But I'd have to argue that point in Leia's case. She could pass for Jaina's sister, rather than her mother." "Untrue," Leia murmured, a ghost of a smile gracing her lips as she finally lifted her head to look up at him. "But thank you just the same, Kyp. And thank you for escorting Jaina down safely this morning." "Yeah, well," Kyp shifted ruefully. "Like I said, I owe your family." "Hmmm," Leia mused, then raised an eyebrow. "Luke sent you?" Han blinked, but Kyp didn't look at all startled at Leia's intuition, so he supposed it must have been one of those Jedi things. "Master Skywalker wanted me to let you know that he'd taken care of everything for the funeral," Kyp said quietly, gentle reverence evident in his voice, even to Han. "Anakin will be given every honor the Jedi can give our fallen. He'll be well-remembered here tonight, and long after." "Tell Luke that we appreciate that," Han replied, swallowing past the lump in his throat. And he meant that, with more gratitude for his brother-in-law than he could express in mere words. There was no way that either he or Leia would have been in any shape to plan the ceremony themselves, but, of course, Luke had known that. "Do you want me to contact Jaina at the palace?" Kyp asked hesitantly. "Or would you prefer to let her know about the funeral yourselves?" "I don't think there's much point in wasting the comm-call, to be honest, kid," Han sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. "Jaina's made it pretty clear she's not attending this funeral or any other, and you know how she is when she sets her mind to something. Stubborn, like her mother." "A trait which you've never displayed," Leia accused faintly. Han opened his mouth to feign innocence, but never got the chance. "You're saying that Jaina's just decided she's going to miss her brother's funeral?" Kyp demanded incredulously, emerald eyes sharp with something angry and dangerous. "And you're going to let her?" "What do you want me to do, kid?" Han retorted wearily. "March into the palace and force her there at blaster-point?" "Yes, if necessary!" Kyp cried, and despite himself, Han chuckled at the idea. "Wouldn't do any good, not with my daughter," he told the younger man knowingly, then grew somber at the angry set of Kyp's jaw. "Look, I know it seems crazy, it doesn't feel right to me, either, but we can't force her to go if she doesn't want to. Shavit, look at how I acted after Chewie..." "All the more reason not to let her miss this," Kyp insisted. "If she doesn't attend Anakin's funeral, she's going to regret it for the rest of her life!" "Probably," Han agreed with a sigh. "But what are you going to do?" "I'll tell you what I'm going to do," Kyp snapped. "I'm going to drag her there kicking and screaming if I have to, and I'll use the Force to knock her unconscious if necessary!" Han would have laughed, but he wasn't so sure Kyp wasn't serious. "Don't worry," Kyp said, jaw clenched in determination. "Jaina will be at that funeral, one way or another." And with that, he whirled on his heel, stalking away with his cape billowing out behind him, and Han watched him go, shaking his head. "That kid has no vaping clue what he's getting himself into," he declared. "No," Leia agreed, as she, too, watched Kyp leave with an unreadable, but profoundly sad, expression in her dark eyes. "I'm afraid he doesn't." There was something in her voice that caught his attention, something he couldn't really understand, but it frightened him. "Leia?" he asked tentatively. "What is it?" Their eyes met, and Han felt as if he was drowning in the pain her saw there. Was this what it was like to be a Jedi, he wondered suddenly? To look into someone's eyes and not just see their pain, but feel it? And feel it with every fiber of his being? "Could you just hold me?" she asked softly, and he recalled a similar request, spoken on a treetop platform on Endor, just after Luke had gone to surrender himself to Darth Vader. "Yeah, Your Worshipfulness," Han rasped, easing himself into Chewie's giant chair beside her and wrapping an arm around his wife so that she could lean into his chest, her small body easily enveloped by his embrace. "I can do that." -----signature----- "Fight until you can fight no longer, then exhaust the enemy chasing you, and turn and fight some more." -Leia Solo in SbS "Love can ignite the stars..." -RotS novelization "Even the stars die out, Anakin Skywalker..." -RotS novelization
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Kathryn Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 8/24/04 8:42pm Subject: RE: Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 8/25
	just beautiful, JPS! -----signature----- "What can a King ask of a man like me?" "A better world than has ever been seen. A kingdom of conscience. A kingdom of Heaven."
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Grand Admiral Wettengel Registered: Jan '00	Date Posted: 8/24/04 9:00pm Subject: RE: Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 8/25
	That post was absolutely fantastic. -----signature----- http://boards.theforce.net/Beyond_the_Saga/b10477/18526131 -- Seed of Darkness -- NJO AU Updated 12/22/05 http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=20836886 -- Star Wars Destinies NJO AU - NO Vong, stupid living planets and stupidity in general
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Sword-of_the-Jedi Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 8/24/04 9:11pm Subject: RE: Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 8/25 - Date Edited: 9/5/04 8:05am (3 edits total) Edited By: Sword-of_the-Jedi
	That was a beautiful.... more when I can form coherent thought.... SWORD -----signature----- "Always you shall be at the front rank, a burning brand to your enemies, a brilliant fire to your friends."
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
AvenKiel Registered: Oct '03	Date Posted: 8/24/04 10:00pm Subject: RE: Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 8/25
	deep intake of air .... WAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Oh my FORCE that was awesome. Talk about nailing the mood! Awesome story!! -----signature----- I'm a naughty little Kitty... Meow! Grilled Cheese..... mmmmmmmmm..... http://www.livejournal.com/~jediliz/ I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't dance , sing and hop around all day, I'd probably die. Death from fidgeting!
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
jedi-solo-fel Registered: Jul '02	Date Posted: 8/25/04 8:33am Subject: RE: Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 8/25
	Oh wow, that was so moving... poor Han, poor Leia! I need tissues, really bad now, lol. I love this story, I really do, and I hope you continue to show how things affect everyone, not just Jaina and Kyp- somehow it makes it all the more realistic, he he. -----signature----- "None Shall Pass!"
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
DarthJaina Registered: Aug '02	Date Posted: 8/25/04 3:04pm Subject: RE: Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 8/25
	Ugh, JPS, you made me smear my mascara, lol! I have always said that you write angst better than any other author I have read, and that post just proves it. You could literally feel Han's pain with every word, and his perspective on Leia was heartbreaking. And did I detect a hint of concern for Kyp from Leia? Hmm, maybe she's got an inkling of what's coming, huh? -----signature----- "Do you want the short answer, or do you need someone to explain it to you with charts and diagrams?" -Jag and Jaina in DJ "You're a major now?" "I'm better than that, I'm a holovid star. Not to mention a goddess." -Jacen and Jaina in DW
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Ars_longa Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 8/25/04 7:01pm Subject: RE: Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 8/25
	Can I have a little more, please! -----signature----- For me Star Wars without Kyp Durron do not exist. Hey, Lucas & Co! I'm serious! http://www.livejournal.com/community/kyp_durron_fic/ - the community for my fiction and all Kyp-related things at LJ. Come and join. We're a friendly bunch of fiends.
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
-RebelScum- Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 8/25/04 7:01pm Subject: RE: Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 8/25
	that what i wanted in Dark Journey, emotion, sadness, mourning, enough to make you bawl! ... -----signature----- Fantasy Keeps Me Sane.
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
DarthIshtar Title: Former CR Registered: Mar '01	Date Posted: 8/25/04 7:11pm Subject: RE: Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 8/25
	Awwwwwwwwww...Kyp's a good guy, i admit, and han's guilt was so heartbreaking! -----signature----- "I feel like a more down-to-earth Pink 5 when I'm writing Leah. Same attitude, less lip gloss." ~Me on how to get in the right mindset for Twilight fanfic.
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Goddess-of-Trickery Registered: Aug '02	Date Posted: 8/26/04 5:41am Subject: RE: Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 8/25
	Are you trying to make us drown this thread in a sea of tears? Lol, because that's bound to happen if you keep up with these amazing, heartbreaking post. I loved that, I really did, even if I feel like I just cried my eyes out, lol! -----signature----- "You couldn't channel the Force wearing that dress. There isn't enough room in there for it to squeeze through."- Kyp, DJ
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Grand Admiral Wettengel Registered: Jan '00	Date Posted: 8/26/04 7:23am Subject: RE: Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 8/25
	If only the NJO had had such heart-rendering exploration of emotions. -----signature----- http://boards.theforce.net/Beyond_the_Saga/b10477/18526131 -- Seed of Darkness -- NJO AU Updated 12/22/05 http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=20836886 -- Star Wars Destinies NJO AU - NO Vong, stupid living planets and stupidity in general
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Taeriel Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 8/26/04 3:00pm Subject: RE: Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 8/25
	Wow. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. -----signature----- Taeriel's costume page: http://home.comcast.net/~taeriel/
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
JainaSoloSkywalker Registered: Jul '02	Date Posted: 8/26/04 5:55pm Subject: RE: Fallen from Grace (Post-SbS, AU dark side K/J); Updated 8/25
	Wow, just wow... that was beautiful, JPS! Very, very angsty, you really showed how poor Han and Leia are feeling. And I loved Kyp at the end, lol- off to kidnap Jaina away to a funeral, our boy is -----signature----- "I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of surviving... and getting to the end of the war and discovering that I'm all alone. That everyone I knew and cared for is gone." -Jaina in RD
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 » - Previous | Next | Reload