| Author |
Topic:
Consider the Possibilities: A SW/Stargate HUMOR Crossover
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Exxaciel
Registered:
Mar '05
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Date Posted:
5/14/05 9:47am
Subject:
Consider the Possibilities: A SW/Stargate HUMOR Crossover
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Note*: SG-J consists of the local Jedi: Anakin Skywalker (Post Return of the Jedi, how this occurred will be explained in “Journals of a Jedi Knight: Naroko Chiston of Alderaan”), Jedi Knight Naroko Chiston, Padawan Arianna Esdel, Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, who just happens to rival Daniel in the coffee-addiction department.
A variety of representatives from a number of worlds get together on a neutral planet. Consider the possibilities…
- SG-1 arrives first. Daniel immediately wanders off in search of artifacts, triggers a booby-trap, and has to go back to Earth for immediate medical attention.
- Apophis orders SG-1 shot.
- The Tok’Ra immediately grow tunnels and head underground.
- The Tollan reassert the fact that they are pompous bigheads who won’t share their technology.
- Nirh’ti attempts to reconfigure the DNA of everyone who crosses her path.
- Oma Dessala arrives and speaks in metaphors to anyone who attempts to communicate with her.
- Teal’c and Tanith start an all-out, knockdown brawl that no one wants to break apart.
- The Abydonians never show up because they claim the ‘Gate address isn’t on their map.
- SG-3 arrives and starts shooting every Goa’uld in sight.
- Bray’tac incites a rebellion amongst the Jaffa.
- SG-J arrives and stops SG-3 from shooting the Goa’uld.
- Colonel Makepeace blames SG-J for messing up his perfect shot at Anubis.
- Anubis tries to collect compensation for attempted murder.
- Lords Yu and Baal argue over who’s fleet is bigger.
- Tanith sues Teal’c for a broken arm.
- The Kelownans threaten to drop a Naquadria bomb if everyone doesn’t get along.
- Everyone ignores the Kelownans.
- The Nox arrive, take one look around, and promptly turn invisible.
- Chronos refuses to show up because “the accommodations are not good enough for someone of his stature”.
- Osiris lobbies for Anubis’s return to the stature of System Lord, and is ignored.
- The Tok’Ra inserts spies into the ranks of every Goa’uld in sight.
- The Asguard nearly give everyone food poisoning because they’re catering.
- O’Neill blows his knee trying to stay away from Apophis’s Jaffa, and limps back to the SG-C for immediate physical therapy.
- Tanith loses his lawsuit against Teal’c, and tries to get an appeal.
- The NID show up and begin stealing Tollan technology.
- The Tollan leave in a huff.
- SG-2 is sent to try and convince the Tollan to come back.
- The Russians show up and demand Naquadaa generator technology.
- Arianna Esdel trips and inadvertently knocks Colonel Maybourne into an activating wormhole.
- All of the present SG-C teams laud Arianna Esdel as a hero for getting rid of Maybourne. Now if she can only do the same to Senator Kinsey…
- Nirh’ti is shoved into her own DNA reconfiguration device, is transformed into a hideous monster, and leaves in shame.
- Daniel returns and begins hunting for coffee.
- A gigantic yelling match ensues after Daniel raids Qui-Gon’s coffee supply.
- The Chinese don’t know what’s going on, but blame the Goa’uld.
- The Arab contingent ignores the Goa’uld completely and begins drilling for oil.
- Senator Kinsey insults Apophis and gets shot.
- Apophis claims he thought Kinsey was a member of SG-1.
- The U.S. government sues Apophis, and wins 100 pounds of Naquadaa.
- Apophis launches a full-scale assault on Earth.
- The Asguard stop Apophis, who leaves in disgust.
- The Russians become very dissatisfied with the proceedings and attempt to nuke the U.S. contingent.
- SG-J deflects the Russian nuke back into their own camp.
- The Russian government sues SG-J.
- Anakin Skywalker convinces the Russian government that it was a Goa’uld attack.
- The Russians attack the Goa’uld.
- The Goa’uld pound the Russians into the dirt.
- Oma Dessala helps the Russians Ascend.
- The Russian government sues Oma Dessala for ‘kidnapping’
- SG-2 returns unsuccessful from talking to the Tollans.
- Daniel returns to Earth to find coffee to appease Qui-Gon.
- Seth appears and begins preaching about how he is the one true God.
- The other System Lords get fed up and dump Seth in the lake.
- Daniel comes back with coffee.
- Qui-Gon is displeased with the offering and whacks Daniel over the head with his coffee pot
- Daniel returns to the medical wing… again.
- Obi-Wan Kenobi lectures Qui-Gon on not acting upon negative feelings.
- Qui-Gon whacks Obi-Wan over the head with his coffee pot.
- Obi-Wan joins Daniel in the infirmary.
- Anakin demands to know what Obi-Wan and Daniel are doing in the infirmary with concussions and suspicious Mr. Coffee© tattoos on their foreheads.
- Qui-Gon whacks Anakin over the head with his coffee pot.
- Anakin escapes merely with a dented helmet.
- Jedi Knight Naroko Chiston confiscates the coffee pot.
- Dr. Frasier cuts Qui-Gon’s coffee supply.
- Jacob/Selmac gets in the way of Qui-Gon WITHOUT HIS COFFEE!
- Jacob/Selmac joins Daniel and Obi-Wan in the infirmary.
- Qui-Gon discovers a guarded store of Daniel-grade coffee. The stash just happens to be guarded by a number of Marines.
- Qui-Gon sends 5 Marines to the infirmary before Naroko and Arianna intervene.
- The Chinese contingent attempts to switch Qui-Gon from coffee to tea. Custodians spend days cleaning up the stains.
- The base gangs up on Qui-Gon and escorts him to the infirmary.
- Qui-Gon steals Daniel’s coffee pot and heads back to the planet.
- Qui-Gon locates a new stash of Daniel-grade coffee beans.
- Apophis, who has just returned, finds himself in a very inopportune location: Between Qui-Gon and the beans.
- All the Goa’uld take note of the way Qui-Gon dispatched Apophis (Leaving a lovely Mr. Coffee© tattoo on his forehead) and run like scared rabbits.
- Any and all charges against Qui-Gon are dropped on account that he made the Goa’uld run in fear.
- Qui-Gon finally gets his coffee and everyone goes home… once they have sufficiently recovered, that is.
- Dr. Frasier sues Qui-Gon for overwork on the account that he sent 29 people to the infirmary.
- Qui-Gon whacks Dr. Frasier over the head with his coffee pot.
- General Hammond attempts to throw Qui-Gon in a detention cell.
- Qui-Gon whacks General Hammond over the head with his coffee pot…
The End…
…Or is it?
-----signature-----
I didn't do it, you can't prove it, the only witness was the Wookie and I'm not translating! "The Amplifier Amplifies" @ http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=24611049&brd=10476&start=24762943 Adopter of Obi-4
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Sethathoryunet
Registered:
May '04
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Date Posted:
5/26/05 6:07am
Subject:
RE: Consider the Possibilities: A SW/Stargate HUMOR Crossover
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Very naughty and very insane!!!! 
This I like, but who's Arianna Esel? SGC or SW??!! 
-----signature-----
http://spaces.msn.com/members/sethathoryunet/ My last name's really cool and foreign . . . I'm dating a Smith  
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VadersMistress
Registered:
Apr '04
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Date Posted:
5/26/05 6:24am
Subject:
RE: Consider the Possibilities: A SW/Stargate HUMOR Crossover
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Had me in stitches.
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And what it all comes down to is that I haven't got it figured out just yet.
Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
Persia pwns your face.
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