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Author	Topic: Insatiable - (Luke/Mara, angst) Updated 9/13, Chapter 28
JadeLotus Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 11/26/05 10:41pm Subject: Insatiable - (Luke/Mara, angst) Updated 9/13, Chapter 28 - Date Edited: 9/13 11:08am (37 edits total) Edited By: JadeLotus
	Title: Insatiable Author: JadeLotus Rating: PG Category: Angst, Challenge Response Characters: Mara Jade, Talon Karrde Summary: Mara faces the horrors of addiction. A/N: This can be read as a one-shot, but I might be expanding on it sometime in the near future. This first part will only be considered as the challenge response because I will be going outside of my own rules and involving Luke Response to the "Mara Sans Skywalker" November Challenge: Write a fic set either post-Endor, when Mara is on the run and struggling to survive, or when she is working as a smuggler/trader for Karrde (up to and including VOTF). However, Luke can not be featured or mentioned at any point, in any way. Must include the words: Deviant Cautious Diplomacy Polemic Sludge News A part of her doesn’t miss the killing. Not of the act itself. It was a rare person who was left completely unmoved or untouched by the moment of death itself; the instant of flesh and body slackening, of eyes deadening, life dimming. No, blood held no pleasure for her. But the moments following, in the shadows of darkness as Mara slipped away from her kill, the euphoria crept in. The knowledge of completing her Emperor’s will, of his pleasure at her clean, concise success. It became irresistible after a while…the rush of elation, the ecstasy that rushed through her blood, her mind. It blocked out everything – any remorse, any thought of the victim’s family, any hate. Any feeling at all other than complete rapture. After the Emperor’s death, the pain was too much to bear. She was not only deprived of her station in the Emperor’s court, she was not only hunted by the Imperials or haunted by the dreams of the Emperor. She was chased by the emptiness in a galaxy where there was nothing to fulfil her. Although that had not stopped her searching for substitutes. It began with alcohol. Innocuous enough, really. She was no different to the myriads of others seeking solace in the drink. The pure numbness of it satisfied her at first. It dulled her senses, but that only increased her desire. The liquid imbibed her with new life, although it only lasted until the morning. The men had come next. Mara had been no innocent in the Emperor’s service – too often she had played mistress to men, more habitually for information and on reconnaissance missions. It had been no more to her than a part of her job, a quick and effective way to earn a man’s trust, or at least access to his secrets. But in those days after Endor, it became no more to her than an augmentation to the alcohol…a glimpse of ecstasy wrapped in the glorious feeling of forgetfulness. She used men as she had always used them – they were tools for her own purposes. They bought her drinks and took her back to their rooms – never hers – and she was fulfilled for a time. She was always gone by morning, anyway, their faces nothing but a blur on her memory. The first time she’d tried spice had been like her first kill. It had roused such dormant emotions within her – a rush of pleasure and pain so divine Mara swore she had touched the stars themselves. Soon the ryll and glitterstim became the only thing that fulfilled her properly – even if she had to steal or bargain for it in ways she would never have dreamed of doing before. But there was no respect for herself while in its euphoric embrace, no standards of decency for her body or mind. There was only the spice – what she had to do to get it was immaterial. The days that followed had been a haze of alcohol, sex and spice, the glorious feeling of apathy, of her very soul being numbed while her mind soured with the self-indulgent, physical highs. There was no aching in that place, no regret or thoughts of pity, of depression at what her life had become. She had not kept an occupation – she no longer had the lucidity for it. She lived in slums, in hovels with people like herself – she did unimaginable things, not for food, or shelter – but for the dealers who could provide her with a lifeline. With the quality instead of the watered-down substances they provided the lowly deviants with. She was more a slave to her own weak desires than she had ever been to the Emperor, although at the time she had not seen it that way. All she knew of the rush, the hit – she chased it with every breath. One night she had collapsed, bleeding and in an unimaginable pain. The med-droid had apologised, unfortunately, she’d lost the baby. Eight weeks, it had said, a common occurrence around those of her kind. It was better off that it had not lived, she’d been told – those born with the addiction never survived more than a few years. And those that did wished they hadn’t. Mara had listened to the cold, mechanical, clinical analysis, pain for the first time in months penetrating her closed heart. She hadn’t even known she’d been pregnant. She'd quelled her spree of non-stop abuse, although she could not crush it completely. By the time she met Karrde, her habit was, as she thought, only recreational. She was cautious – only needing a small line every few days to keep her straight, and out of withdrawal. She couldn’t give it up completely – not when a dreamless sleep called to her – the glory of nothingness. But on the Wild Karrde, nothing remained a secret for long. “Jade? Mara, can you hear me?” It had been after a particularly rough trade, and a skirmish with the rebels – or the “New Republic” – as she’d so often heard to them referred to as on the sludge news. Mara had taken refuge once again in the drugs. It had been a lucky escape – or so Karrde had told her, once he’d had his medic pump her stomach. “How long?” He had sat there, in the darkness of her cabin, reeking with her shame and the threat of death. His voice had held no accusation, nor sympathy. Just understanding. “I suppose it doesn’t matter,” he had said when she didn’t answer, just fiddled with the tubes in her arms. “I’m sure it feels like forever to you.” It was polemic, really. If she told him about it, trusted him, how could she ever hope to retain her other, darker secrets? But if didn’t, Mara wasn't sure what would happen the next time, or the time after that. It was a burden she could not carry alone. “I’ll leave as soon as we get to the next stop.” Her voice had sounded dull, defeated in the small cabin. She’d never admitted defeat before. “Mara…” His warm, calloused hands had taken hers. Mara wondered if that’s what her father might have done, if she’d known him. “I’ve seen far too much in this life, probably more than you think." Through the darkness, she made out his soft smile, his twinkling eyes, mixed with pain and affection. For her? “I’ve seen this before,” he had continued poignantly. “I’ve beaten this before.” Never since, had he let go of her hand, that lifeline pulling her out of the abyss. Karrde had seen the very best and worst of her, months and years filled with support and confidence. He stuck with her through the pain and rage of her withdrawal, through her worst moods and violent outbursts. Reasoned with his patented, calm diplomacy, through her arguments and pleading...please, just one more hit. Through the crucible, she emerged a new woman. She was Mara Jade, untouched by the trappings and physical entities of the galaxy. She had risen above mere human pleasure and pain, to a new tower of indifference that coated her soul in a protective sheath. Never again would she be victim to earthly desires, never again would she lose her vaulted self-control. But there still lived uncertainty beneath that tough, repellent veneer. Mara kept her vulnerability there, her dark past, the knowledge that she was broken, damaged. The truth that she could keep from the crew and Karrde, but never from the probing beat of her own heart. The truth that kept her one step away from insanity, from leaping off the cliff of her precarious calm, away from that rush of elation, of euphoria…of anaesthesia. Because the truth was, she still craved it. Every second. Every minute. Every day. -----signature----- You are the only thing that makes sense Just ignore all this present tense
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ginchy Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 11/26/05 10:58pm Subject: RE: "Insatiable" - Mara Sans Skywalker Challenge Response
	I vote for EXPANSION! You MUST write more of this. I beseech you! Wowza, JL, this was great! I can totally see Mara feeling and acting like this, after having her life torn from her. And Karrde was perfect here...I often think that Luke gets all the kudos for 'reforming' Mara, while Karrde had a huge impact on her life, too. Excellent job, lady! -----signature----- ginchy's gambit: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/29089731/p1/?73
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Healer_Leona Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 11/27/05 3:50am Subject: RE: "Insatiable" - Mara Sans Skywalker Challenge Response
	That was superb! I can see where she'd get caught in that trap so easily! Lovely fic! -----signature----- Still crazy after all these years.
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RedGold Registered: Nov '04	Date Posted: 11/27/05 5:40am Subject: RE: "Insatiable" - Mara Sans Skywalker Challenge Response
	Awesome work! Very realistic! I can so see this happening considering everything. -----signature----- Legend... Recluse... Forgotten... Will one day return... http://www.starwarsfanfic.com
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KELIA Title: Moderator: Fan Fiction Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 11/27/05 7:02am Subject: RE: "Insatiable" - Mara Sans Skywalker Challenge Response
	Great beginning. She was chased by the emptiness in a galaxy where there was nothing to fulfil her. Very tragic - but it perfectly explains why Mara turned to Alcohol, sex and spice to try and fill the void. And she lost a baby too? I certainly hope there are some good times ahead for here. Excellent response to the challenge -----signature----- "Do or do not, there is no try." Master Yoda A Light In The Darkness: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28150602/p1/?8 Undue Circumstances: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28530583/p1/?10
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VaderLVR64 Title: Fan Fic Manager in Combat Boots Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 11/27/05 7:27am Subject: RE: "Insatiable" - Mara Sans Skywalker Challenge Response
	This one HAS to be expanded on! I LOVED it! A perfect response to the challenge! -----signature----- If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories. Proud New Army Mom - off to bootcamp!
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Anakins_Force Registered: Jun '05	Date Posted: 11/27/05 8:39am Subject: RE: "Insatiable" - Mara Sans Skywalker Challenge Response
	One night she had collapsed, bleeding and in an unimaginable pain. The med-droid had apologised, unfortunately, she’d lost the baby. Eight weeks, it had said, a common occurrence around those of her kind. It was better off that it had not lived, she’d been told – those born with the addiction never survived more than a few years. And those that did wished they hadn’t. Mara had listened to the cold, mechanical, clinical analysis, pain for the first time in months penetrating her closed heart. She hadn’t even known she’d been pregnant. Wow. This whole piece was powerful. Her losing the baby bc of her lifestyle is a good explanation for the way Mara acted before she and Luke really got together. It was self-protection and memories of her past life. I'm sure she was pretty freaked out when she realized how human she actually was--the drugs affected her just like everyone else. Great job and thanks for the PM. -----signature----- Melissa Master to YellowDart The First Blush of Sin: http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=23159489&brd=10476&replies=10
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Golden_Jedi Registered: Jun '05	Date Posted: 11/27/05 9:31am Subject: RE: "Insatiable" - Mara Sans Skywalker Challenge Response
	Beautiful, though painful... -----signature----- The country is that place where chickens walk around uncooked - Julio Cortázar Unexpected Blossom http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28693266 Sailing Little Boats http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28747916
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MirandaFair Registered: Jun '05	Date Posted: 11/28/05 8:40pm Subject: RE: "Insatiable" - Mara Sans Skywalker Challenge Response - Date Edited: 11/28/05 8:42pm (1 edits total) Edited By: MirandaFair
	Amazing! I put my vote with the others that you must continue on with this story. She was more a slave to her own weak desires than she had ever been to the Emperor, although at the time she had not seen it that way. All she knew of the rush, the hit – she chased it with every breath. You've really created a sad, very pathetic (due to the circumstances) Mara Jade. Her lost pregnancy, her meeting up with Karrde. Talon Karrde, who also beat addiction and is now her lifeline. A very moving piece and response. Can see the events happening. Very probable. Please continue. Well done, dear JL! edit: typo - so late. -----signature----- May the Muse be with you.
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Ariapaige Registered: Feb '02	Date Posted: 11/29/05 12:25pm Subject: RE: "Insatiable" - Mara Sans Skywalker Challenge Response
	Wow! i'd like to put in my vote with the others for expansion of this idea Let me know if/when you do, okay? paige -----signature----- mi cuerpo ha regresado, pero mi alma todavia permanece en costa rica college: back to the old grindstone
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JadeLotus Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 11/29/05 4:29pm Subject: RE: "Insatiable" - Mara Sans Skywalker Challenge Response
	ginchy - Thank you I've had the idea for a while, and it just seemed to fit in with the challenge. And Karrde was perfect here...I often think that Luke gets all the kudos for 'reforming' Mara, while Karrde had a huge impact on her life, too. I agree - Talon doesn't get enough credit for what he did for Mara. I think it would have taken even longer for Luke to get through to her if Karrde hadn't been in her life. Healer_Leona - Thanks! I can see where she'd get caught in that trap so easily! I think she has the perfect disposition for addiction, unfortunately. RedGold - Thank you. I'd said i'd write that drunken/spiced/promiscuous Mara fic someday KELIA - Thanks! And she lost a baby too? I couldn't risk adding that extra angst, but I figured it was bound to happen eventually, with all the spice and lack of birth control... I certainly hope there are some good times ahead for here. Thanks for reading! VaderLVR64 - This one HAS to be expanded on! I'm working on it, don't worry Thanks for the encouragement! Anakins_Force - Thank you so much! I'm sure she was pretty freaked out when she realized how human she actually was--the drugs affected her just like everyone else. I think so too - I thought it would be interesting to give perhaps a different view to why Mara was so closed of, unwilling to trust, etc. She discovered that she was flawed and was scared to death by it. I love deeping like that into Mara's psyche - complicated as it is Golden_Jedi - Thank you MirandaFair - Thanks! You've really created a sad, very pathetic (due to the circumstances) Mara Jade. Her lost pregnancy, her meeting up with Karrde. Talon Karrde, who also beat addiction and is now her lifeline. I really like the idea that she was indebted to and trusted Karrde due to more than giving her a job. It makes sense, if you know what I mean? Someone experienced and fatherly, whose seen it all, accepting and helping her through her struggle. Like I said before, Karrde doesn't get enough props Ariapaige - Thank you I think you've all guilted me into starting this relatively soon. Let me know if/when you do, okay? Sure thing -----signature----- You are the only thing that makes sense Just ignore all this present tense
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Jedi Trace Title: • SouthEast RSA • Fan Fiction Manager Registered: Dec '99	Date Posted: 12/2/05 12:20pm Subject: RE: "Insatiable" - Mara Sans Skywalker Challenge Response - Date Edited: 12/2/05 12:22pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Jedi Trace
	WOW! That's the only word I can think to describe this. You've handled the sensitive subject of addiction extremely well here. I deal with people in withdrawal on a fairly regular basis in my job and it can be a truly hideous time. I loved how you had Karrde as her father figure and her outlook afterwards: She had risen above mere human pleasure and pain, to a new tower of indifference that coated her soul in a protective sheath. Never again would she be victim to earthly desires, never again would she lose her vaulted self-control. Very much in keeping with her reluctance to pledge her life in service as a Jedi afterwards. Wonderful vig, JL!! -----signature----- Captain of the Cade Brigade “Light, dark – They are just directions. Do not be fooled that you stand on anything other than your own two feet.” ~ Shaak Ti, The Force Unleashed The Society for Girls Who Like Things that Go Boom
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jade51999 Registered: Nov '99	Date Posted: 12/2/05 1:35pm Subject: RE: "Insatiable" - Mara Sans Skywalker Challenge Response
	Excellent Vig! Loved it! -----signature----- Coming Soon: Around January 2009 Into Oblivion (Mara, Luke and some Others) I never post until I'm nearly done. Currently at 85% Living in De'Nile, TKL Apts
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JadeLotus Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 12/4/05 3:53pm Subject: RE: "Insatiable" - (L/M) Updated 12/4 - Date Edited: 1/28/06 10:35pm (1 edits total) Edited By: JadeLotus
	Jedi Trace - Thank you. I can't imagine withdrawal would be easy for anyone, so i'm glad it seemed realistic. Very much in keeping with her reluctance to pledge her life in service as a Jedi afterwards That's what I was going for I thought it might have put her wariness in a different light. jade51999 - Thank you Chapter 1 “Don’t look at me that way, Karrde.” Mara couldn’t help but be irritated by the sceptical look on her friend and former employer’s face. With anyone else, she would have simply told them where they could stick their opinion, but she tolerated such things with Talon. After all, she didn’t have to guard herself with him and he knew it enough not to fear her sharp tongue. But his dark, pensive expression, almost a look of disappointment, still irritated her. “Mara, are you sure this is a good idea?” Karrde abandoned the meal that was before him and turned his full attention towards her. “Are you sure it’s safe?” Mara tried to sound dismissive. “I have no doubt Calrissian will think that such a business merger should no doubt extend to the bedroom, but I can handle him.” Her attention shifted to the dancing couples, in harmony with one another. She saw Chief of State Organa-Solo, along with her husband among them. They seemed to radiate more brightly than those around them and even Solo looked graceful, lightly swinging his wife around the room. She supposed she would have to talk to them later – hers and Talon’s invitation to this function had come directly from Leia, after all. “You know I’m not talking about Calrissian,” Karrde’s voice was soft, but firm. “What were you thinking, Mara?” He continued, as his tone hitched slightly, probably at her passive reaction. “Spice trade? And at Kessel of all places? After all you’ve overcome-” He abruptly halted as Mara’s gaze flicked back to him in a dangerous glare. “Are you saying I can’t handle it?” She didn’t like to be doubted. Talon rarely brought the issue of her former spice addiction up, diligently guarding her secret as if it were his own. Mara didn’t need him reminding her of how close she’d come to succumbing to it completely, of how dangerous it still was to her, looming tantalisingly just beyond her senses. Karrde sighed, reaching out to place his hand over her own. “I’m saying that maybe you haven’t thought this through,” his voice had become warm again. “I’ve always told you, Mara, never to put yourself in a position to fail – especially in business.” “I won’t fail,” she said sharply, but did not remove her hand from under his. “Don’t you see, Talon? I need this. To know that I’ve beaten it.” She needed to prove to herself her own strength, again. If she could resist the temptation, working with the very cause of it, she would know she had won. Put the final piece back into her broken soul. “And besides,” she continued, “What’s the harm in making a little money on top of it all?” “You talk about it like it’s so easy.” Talon was clearly not convinced. “You forget that I know how hard it is to live with, Mara. This is not a decision you should be taking lightly.” He held up a hand to halt her protests. “And you choose to tell me here,” he gestured around the room, clearly becoming more incensed. “At a New Republic banquet, in the presence of nearly a hundred people. As if you were telling me how you decided which dress to wear. Mara, this is your life.” “I didn’t ask for your opinion, Talon. If you would just…” Mara trailed off as she felt a more irritating, but no less familiar presence approach. Without looking behind her, Mara sighed. “Hello, Skywalker.” Talon looked up and greeted the Jedi, removing his hand from Mara’s and shaking Luke’s politely. It was clear that as long as Skywalker was in the vicinity he would not leave Mara alone and they would not get a chance to continue their discussion. Skywalker, of course, was oblivious to this, taking a seat at the empty place beside Mara, while Karrde continued with his meal. For her part, Mara fiddled with the rim of her water glass. He obviously had noticed her gaze because he commented, “Not drinking tonight, Mara?” He grinned inanely. “I assure you, the alcohol is free.” Mara pierced him with her best glare. “Go amuse the Rogues with your hilarity, Skywalker. I didn’t ask you to sit down.” Luke shrugged in return, clearly in an amiable mood. “Just an observation,” he furrowed his brow. “As a matter of fact, I’ve never seen you drink-” “How is the Academy, Skywalker?” Karrde interrupted him, flashing Mara a quick look, which Mara returned gratefully. The last thing she needed was Skywalker poking around in issues he wasn't welcome to. Immediately, Luke’s face brightened at the mention of his school on Yavin 4. “Very well, thank you, Karrde.” He then proceeded to launch into a full account of the new students, their progress, their recovery after the recent Exar Kun incident. It was all highly uninteresting conversation, but Karrde seemed to be listening. He’d always had a certain fondness for the Jedi, fascinated by them, almost. And he genuinely liked Skywalker. But the distraction gave Mara a chance to go over her decision, not for the first time. Despite Talon’s accusation, it had not been an easy decision to make. To come into direct contact and have control over large quantities of the very drug that had almost cost Mara her life. But Lando’s offer had been too good to resist, almost guaranteed success, now that no smuggling need be involved. Mara would never face a keener test of her willpower, but if she couldn’t resist it, what had been the point? If she was weak enough to succumb at the very sight of spice, she probably didn’t deserve her life. That was the thought that kept her going. “So I’m due back in a few weeks. With any luck to begin teaching again,” Skywalker finished. Karrde nodded, smiling, but then shot a devious look in Mara’s direction. “But I’m sure you didn’t come over here to tell me all of that. Not that I’m adverse to hearing it, of course,” he added. Mara was surprised when Luke shifted in his chair, a blush beginning to form on his cheeks. “Well…” he began hesitantly. Was that embarrassment she saw in his expression? “I perhaps had an ulterior motive for coming to talk to both of you,” he managed to force out. Gleaming with devious pride, Karrde said, “Oh?” “I was watching the dancing,” Luke’s gaze shifted to the floor. “And couldn’t help but feel a bit left out.” “Well, don’t be shy, Skywalker,” Mara said. “I’m sure Karrde would love a spin around the floor.” The comment made Luke smile indulgently, and Mara saw that Talon almost choked on his wine trying not to laugh. “I’m sure Skywalker had a more delicate partner in mind, Mara,” he smiled. “Oh? Perhaps he should try one of the underage girls at the bar.” Mara folded her arms as much as her beaded dress would allow. “Come’on, Jade,” Skywalker rose, suddenly confident. “I won’t take no for an answer.” Mara raised an eyebrow, clearly insinuating that Skywalker couldn’t make her do anything. But Karrde’s hand touched her own, lightly. “Go on, Mara. We can finish our conversation later.” Before she could reply, he gave her a firm push in the back, sending her straight into Luke’s waiting arms. With only a modicum of cursing, Mara let him lead her on to the dance floor, alive with other couples. Brazenly, Luke pulled her close, his hands warm on her waist, his face near hers. There was something in his eyes that Mara couldn’t quite describe – a keen, determined expression, fixed entirely on her. Ordinarily, Mara would never let a man take such liberties with her, but she supposed Skywalker was harmless. He couldn’t romance a dunebug. “It feels like an age since I’ve seen you, Mara,” he said softly, out of earshot of the nearby couples. “Did you look this beautiful when you were on Yavin?” His grip tightened slightly around her, and Mara looked up, wondering how much he’d had to drink. “No,” he amended, heedless of her expression. “You looked better then. All rumpled and sweaty. With you hair down and wild.” He touched the intricate design she had forced her red-gold locks into that evening. “Skywalker…” She wasn't quite sure what to say. “How long are you on Coruscant?” He swung her around, his head dipping closer to hers. “Why?” Mara tried to regain the distance between her and this very new Luke she was faced with. He wasn’t stammering, or blushing, or fumbling over his words. He was in complete control, his touch electric on the fabric of her dress. She wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. “Dinner, Mara,” he said, looking deep into her eyes. “I want you to have dinner with me. Nothing untoward, I promise.” Mara looked at him sceptically, confused by her conflicting emotions. Those were not the words of the Luke she knew, bolding asking her out to dinner. They had dined together a few times in the past, but it had never been formal, and it had usually been after a training session. But Mara wasn’t sure what he wanted from her now, this man who stood before her. Not a Jedi, not a Farmboy, but for perhaps the first time, she saw Luke as a man. All she knew was that she couldn’t deal with that. Not at this stage in her life. Not when so many other changes and tests were occurring. “I’m sorry, Skywalker,” she abruptly pulled out of his embrace, disentangling herself from his grip. “I really have to talk to Talon.” She hurried off the dance floor, ignoring him calling behind her. “Mara…I didn’t mean…” She ignored him, swiftly moving back to her place, back to Talon. He would understand, he would be able to advise her in this – there was nothing she couldn’t not tell him, that he couldn’t help her with. But as Mara reached their table, she realised Talon had already left. -----signature----- You are the only thing that makes sense Just ignore all this present tense
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ginchy Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 12/4/05 4:17pm Subject: RE: "Insatiable" - (L/M) Updated 12/4 - Date Edited: 12/4/05 4:17pm (1 edits total) Edited By: ginchy
	Ooooh.....JL....this is great! I'm so glad you continued! I foresee tough times in the future for Mara...but maybe there will be a handsome farmboy to help her find her own way? I just love your writing...you make everything seem to real, without being overly dramatic or too simplistic. Excellent job...can't wait for more! -----signature----- ginchy's gambit: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/29089731/p1/?73
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RedGold Registered: Nov '04	Date Posted: 12/4/05 5:16pm Subject: RE: "Insatiable" - (L/M) Updated 12/4
	Yay!! More!! I can't wait to find out why Luke is acting like the way he is... and how Mara's troubled past is going to effect things! -----signature----- Legend... Recluse... Forgotten... Will one day return... http://www.starwarsfanfic.com
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