Author Topic: When Few Stood Against Many [NJO action/thriller; OCs, Mandos, Vong] --- Some Updates --- 9/19
Antilles2001  2890 posts
Registered: Oct '01
42343_Star Wars Vendetta
Date Posted: 10/11/06 2:46pm Subject: RE: When Few Stood Against Many (sequel to Honor Guard; OCs, NJO, Mandos)*Updated 10/10
"Tell me any reason not to ruin your fancy suit with ugly red blotches from your blood."

I would have cut this done to just the red blotches--the added "your blood" points out what's already clear.

Other than that, pretty spiffy stuff y'got there, Dave.

And a Gears of War reference, you sly fox. wink

 

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Darth_Garak  438 posts
Registered: Jul '05
42321_Mandalore the Ultimate
Date Posted: 10/12/06 5:21am Subject: RE: When Few Stood Against Many (sequel to Honor Guard; OCs, NJO, Mandos)*Updated 10/10
Oooo. This is getting interesting. So who's the bothan (she doesn't care if the Brigader dies or not and she doesn't care if Ara dies or not so on who's side is she?).

 

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VaderLVR64  31012 posts
Title: Manager Emeritus
Registered: Feb '04
49060_Obi-Wan Kenobi (811092)
Date Posted: 10/12/06 6:55am Subject: RE: When Few Stood Against Many (sequel to Honor Guard; OCs, NJO, Mandos)*Updated 10/10
A wonderfully exciting chapter! grin

It's already open, di'kut, she thought, pushed the button to open the door, reached out as it opened and put the human into a tight stranglehold, her vibroblade millimeters from his throat, and closed the door again.

"Woah," the apparently unarmed man said, with honest shock and surprise on his dark-skinned face. "Easy... you might—"

"Don't push it, hut'uun," Ara said grimly. "Tell me any reason not to ruin your fancy suit with ugly red blotches from your blood."

The man sounded more than uneasy now, after realizing the fierce woman was serious, after all. "Well, for starters, there's, um, nothing I can think about, apart from the fact that my short career as a bounty hunter's come to an end, at last. Still, before I cease to be, I'd like to hear what scumbag didn't have the guts to take on me personally and sent another hunter instead."

That answer caught Ara more than off-guard, as well as the other's slightly sarcastic tone. "Bounty hunter? What in the Emperor's Black Heart are you talking about? You're not from the Peace Brigade?"


REALLY love your OC here. She's incredibly well written, very complex and believable. Bravo! applause

 

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Corran_Fett  3100 posts
Registered: Jan '05
45734_Boba Fett Silhouette
Date Posted: 10/12/06 9:53am Subject: RE: When Few Stood Against Many (sequel to Honor Guard; OCs, NJO, Mandos)*Updated 10/10
Thanks for checking by, sdhfs, I'm glad you liked it.

Antilles2001 posted:
"Tell me any reason not to ruin your fancy suit with ugly red blotches from your blood."

I would have cut this done to just the red blotches--the added "your blood" points out what's already clear.

Other than that, pretty spiffy stuff y'got there, Dave.
Mhh... I think it works the way I put it, too. thinking And thanks, Mig! happy

Antilles2001 posted:
And a Gears of War reference, you sly fox. wink
whistling My Fenix is in no way like the GoW one, I just liked the name. grin

Darth_Garak posted:
Oooo. This is getting interesting. So who's the bothan (she doesn't care if the Brigader dies or not and she doesn't care if Ara dies or not so on who's side is she?).
Thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed it. happy And the Bothan's true nature will be revealed soon enough.... wink

VaderLVR64 posted:
A wonderfully exciting chapter! grin
Thanks! happy Although it wasn't really a chapter...^^

VaderLVR64 posted:
REALLY love your OC here. She's incredibly well written, very complex and believable. Bravo! applause
Woah, thank you! grin blush One of the main things I wanted to improve in this new story was the OCs and their characters, and I'm really glad it worked! Because in Honor Guard, all "my" (even the canon ones I used there^^) characters shared some sort of pessimistic angle... whistling


The fourth part of the Prologue will be posted tomorrow, and the fifth and last part probably on Saturday. I actually never intended the Prologue to be so long, but inspiration for story/plot and other things just kept flooding in, so I decided to expand it, because I didn't want the Prologue and the first chapters to share the same event/scene.


Oh, and everyone please check out the First Mandalorian Challenge here! This is YOUR chance to give the Mandos a go, in case you haven't done that before! skull

 

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The other side of the NJO, featuring Mandalorians, Vong, and Peace Brigaders in a thrillride full of betrayal and intrigue...
When Few Stood Against Many | http://boards.theforce.net/b/b10477/25253415/
- http://corranfett.deviantart.com -
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CeiranHarmony  4498 posts
Registered: May '04
17274_Dark Apprentice
Date Posted: 10/12/06 10:34am Subject: RE: When Few Stood Against Many (sequel to Honor Guard; OCs, NJO, Mandos)*Updated 10/10
Ay Caramba.. that is great storytelling wink I love the style, characters, dialogue.. in short: WELL DONE, perfect

I hope like with all your stories I can get a pdf version some time in the future? thx

 

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Corran_Fett  3100 posts
Registered: Jan '05
45734_Boba Fett Silhouette
Date Posted: 10/13/06 6:40am Subject: When Few Stood Against Many [sequel to Honor Guard; OCs, NJO, Mandos] // Updated 10/13 \\
Vor entye, Cer'ika! happy There will be a pdf version, of course. wink


And, everyone check out the UPDATE! Part Four of the Prologue has been posted, although it is rather short. The next part will be the last one and close the Prologue, and I can start with the "actual" story. grin

 

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The other side of the NJO, featuring Mandalorians, Vong, and Peace Brigaders in a thrillride full of betrayal and intrigue...
When Few Stood Against Many | http://boards.theforce.net/b/b10477/25253415/
- http://corranfett.deviantart.com -
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Darth_Garak  438 posts
Registered: Jul '05
42321_Mandalore the Ultimate
Date Posted: 10/13/06 9:44am Subject: RE: When Few Stood Against Many [sequel to Honor Guard; OCs, NJO, Mandos] // Updated 10/13 \\
And this is just the prologue....COOOLLLL. What in the name of the Force did Fenix do to get his wife that pissed of. I can't wait for the rest. This is superb.

PS:A PDF version? Great, it'll make re-reading easier.

 

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Corran_Fett  3100 posts
Registered: Jan '05
45734_Boba Fett Silhouette
Date Posted: 10/14/06 2:41am Subject: RE: When Few Stood Against Many [sequel to Honor Guard; OCs, NJO, Mandos] // Updated 10/13 \\
Thank you, Garak, I'm glad you liked it! happy


And, um, where are my other readers? batting

 

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The other side of the NJO, featuring Mandalorians, Vong, and Peace Brigaders in a thrillride full of betrayal and intrigue...
When Few Stood Against Many | http://boards.theforce.net/b/b10477/25253415/
- http://corranfett.deviantart.com -
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Ph0enix  2048 posts
Registered: Jul '02
42320_Luke Skywalker
Date Posted: 10/15/06 8:30am Subject: RE: When Few Stood Against Many [sequel to Honor Guard; OCs, NJO, Mandos] // Updated 10/13 \\
Just finished part four...

Very interesting so far!

I loved the knife throwing part wink

 

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RK_Striker_JK_5  20169 posts
Registered: Jul '03
49046_Tenel Ka (81109)
Date Posted: 10/15/06 4:30pm Subject: RE: When Few Stood Against Many [sequel to Honor Guard; OCs, NJO, Mandos] // Updated 10/13 \\
It's very original to edit the prologue into the post. happy

His ex-wife? Wow. No wodner he aimed for the neck. grin And good chewing-out by Ara, there! I sense great excitement coming. Can't wait!

 

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Corran_Fett  3100 posts
Registered: Jan '05
45734_Boba Fett Silhouette
Date Posted: 10/16/06 6:04am Subject: RE: When Few Stood Against Many [sequel to Honor Guard; OCs, NJO, Mandos] // Updated 10/13 \\ - Date Edited: 10/16/06 6:09am (1 edits total) Edited By: Corran_Fett
Thanks a bunch, Ph0enix and Striker happy

RK_Striker_JK_5 posted:
It's very original to edit the prologue into the post. happy

Thanks... I dunno how that came to my mind, but I think the different parts are made to end like in a TV show before the ads, with a small cliffhanger every time... also, this way the readers don't have to wait weeks for the next part... tongue but, as I said, this is exclusively in the Prologue, the Chapters will be posted as usual. wink

RK_Striker_JK_5 posted:
I sense great excitement coming. Can't wait!

You won't be disappointed... or so I hope. tongue


Aaaand... where are my other readers? And hopefully some new ones, too? batting

 

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The other side of the NJO, featuring Mandalorians, Vong, and Peace Brigaders in a thrillride full of betrayal and intrigue...
When Few Stood Against Many | http://boards.theforce.net/b/b10477/25253415/
- http://corranfett.deviantart.com -
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Corran_Fett  3100 posts
Registered: Jan '05
45734_Boba Fett Silhouette
Date Posted: 10/16/06 6:06am Subject: RE: When Few Stood Against Many [sequel to Honor Guard; OCs, NJO, Mandos] // Updated 10/13 \\ - Date Edited: 10/16/06 12:27pm (2 edits total) Edited By: Corran_Fett
Damn. Please some mod delete this post? Thanks

 

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The other side of the NJO, featuring Mandalorians, Vong, and Peace Brigaders in a thrillride full of betrayal and intrigue...
When Few Stood Against Many | http://boards.theforce.net/b/b10477/25253415/
- http://corranfett.deviantart.com -
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Antilles2001  2890 posts
Registered: Oct '01
42343_Star Wars Vendetta
Date Posted: 10/16/06 11:54am Subject: RE: When Few Stood Against Many [sequel to Honor Guard; OCs, NJO, Mandos] // Updated 10/13 \\
What happened there, boss? tongue

 

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I have defied gods and demons.
I am your shield. I am your sword.
I know you. Your past; your future.
This is the way the world ends.
Oly Oly Oxen Free - 2007
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Corran_Fett  3100 posts
Registered: Jan '05
45734_Boba Fett Silhouette
Date Posted: 10/16/06 12:28pm Subject: RE: When Few Stood Against Many [sequel to Honor Guard; OCs, NJO, Mandos] // Updated 10/13 \\
Antilles2001 posted:
What happened there, boss? tongue


It's not the question what happened here, but rather what will happen to you.... whistling


tongue Well, I just submitted my post twice, that's what happen, and I hope there happens to be some feedback from you, soon... raised_brow

 

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The other side of the NJO, featuring Mandalorians, Vong, and Peace Brigaders in a thrillride full of betrayal and intrigue...
When Few Stood Against Many | http://boards.theforce.net/b/b10477/25253415/
- http://corranfett.deviantart.com -
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Kudzu  6437 posts
Registered: Jun '05
18640_Clone Trooper
Date Posted: 10/16/06 4:58pm Subject: RE: When Few Stood Against Many [sequel to Honor Guard; OCs, NJO, Mandos] // Updated 10/13 \\
Definitely shaping up to be good, Corran. The characters so far are very interesting...so the bounty hunter and the Bothan are having a bit of a post-nuptial throwdown, eh? And I wonder what side the Bothan is really on, here... thinking

 

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