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LadyPadme Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Sep '02	Date Posted: 6/30/07 3:53am Subject: Untitled - Date Edited: 7/4/07 11:25pm (2 edits total) Edited By: LadyPadme
	A/N: Sorry, my muse just wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote this... Mara Jade Skywalker strolled sexily into the boudoir and then sat down on the edge of the bed, tossing back her long, red-gold hair like a wave of angel hair pasta with tomato sauce. She half-turned and glanced with her strikingly beautiful jade green eyes toward Luke Skywalker who was lying on the silky smooth black satin sheets beside her before she swiftly turned away. “What’s the matter, Mara my darling?” Luke asked, leaning forward so that his lean, firm muscles rippled enticingly under his bronzed skin. But Mara said nothing. She was furious. Luke nuzzled her hair, his hands running up and down along her smooth skin, heating her up. “Mara?” he repeated. “Don’t try to sweet talk me!” Mara exclaimed, turning suddenly. “I’m not your little plaything. And stop that!” “I never said you were just a plaything, Mara,” Luke said. “But you’re my everything, my sweetheart. What is it that’s bothering you?” Mara pouted. “I want you to come to Commenor with me tomorrow.” “But Maraaaa,” Luke protested. “I have to finish the final details of planning the new Jedi Academy. Leia is meeting me on Yavin.” “But you said you’d come with me to Commenor to help me try out the new retrofittings on Jade’s Fire!” “Couldn’t this trip wait a few more days? I’d love to come with you then,” Luke offered. “No! The Jade’s Fire is the most important thing in the galaxy to me! You have to come with me tomorrow!” “Well…if it’s that important to you, Mara,” Luke said, “Of course I’ll do it. Your desires are everything to me..” Mara smiled and then threw her arms around Luke’s neck. “So, what were you saying before, Lukey-kins?” Luke kissed her deeply, and passionately and Mara melted in his arms. “Oh, Lukey-kins,” she sighed, “I just want to be your sex slave of love…” “Luke!” Luke Skywalker jumped at the sound and swiftly snapped down the cover on his datapad. Almost immediately, his wife Mara Jade Skywalker entered the study. “Luke, did you hear me?” “Uh, no. What were you saying?” “Leia called and said that the meeting on Chandrilla’s been postponed,” Mara answered, her eyes narrowing on the datapad in Luke’s hands. “Luke, what were you doing?” “I wasn’t doing anything,” Luke said, a trifle too quickly. “Hmmmph.” Mara’s eyebrow went up as a half amused, half exasperated gleam came into her eyes. “Then why is that datapad on your lap—closed like that but with the power lights on and why do you have that guilty look on your face?” Her lip twitched. “Don’t tell me you’ve taken to watching holo-porn.” “Mara!” “All right then, what is it?” Luke rolled his eyes. “I’m not sure what to make of it. Leia sent me the file. She said that the Holonet Communications Commission has been working on some type of long range extra-galactic signal feed that is able to jump through hyperspace nodal points…whatever it is, it seems that over the last two months they’ve picked up some extragalactic communications.” “They have?” Mara’s eyes widened. “What kind of communications have they gotten? Do you mean they’ve been sending messages to other galaxies? I can’t believe something that important hasn’t been announced on the holonet.” Luke looked chagrined. “Well, it’s not exactly like messages have been sent back and forth. We’ve been able to pick up transmissions—twice they picked up transmissions but now the equipment is malfunctioning, so they’re trying to iron out the kinks. I think they’re waiting until they can get it all to work smoothly before they say announce anything.” “Well, what kind of transmissions did they get? Were they able to decode them?” “It’s a fairly simple alpha wave transmission and the scientists think it comes from a small galaxy out past the Vespiron sector about one hundred and fifty thousand light years from here.” “So how old are these messages we’ve gotten?” “Well, the thing with this hyperspace nodal jump is that they think the signals are little less than a year old. Not really old at all.” “How do they know that?” “I’m not sure about how they know the age of the messages. Something about the decay of alpha radiation over time.” “Do we know what these transmissions say?” Luke turned a bit red. “Umm…well…” Mara’s eyes narrowed again, but more from confusion than anything else. Why in the galaxy would Luke be embarrassed over transmissions coming from another galaxy far, far away? “Luke?” Luke cleared his throate. “Well, it seems they had a dozen Four-Z-Seven translation droids decoding the transmissions. They’re fairly sure they know what the transmissions say. It…it’s something from a planet called Earth. And some sort of holonet they have that they call the World Wide Web.” “Luke, you’re stalling. What’s the deal with the transmissions?” “You’re not going to believe this, actually. In fact, I thought Han was pulling one over me and using Leia to do it. But it seemed too far fetched for Leia to be part of this.” “Luke, I want to hear the rest of this story before I’m in a rest home.” “You’d never slow down enough for anyone to catch you and put into a rest home,” Luke said fondly. Mara’s lips twitched. “Good reflexes, Luke, but don’t try to get me off topic. What do the messages say?” “Well, it seems that the messages are about us.” “What?” “There’s a site called TheForce.Net. And they have something called a ‘fan fiction’ site.” “Fan fiction? What’s that?” Mara asked, feeling she wasn’t going to like the answer. Luke sighed. “I’m not really sure. All I can say is that there are dozens of stories written about us.” “I don’t understand,” Mara said. She was beginning to lose her patience. “I’m not sure I understand completely, either,” Luke said. “It’s just that it seems that people from this galaxy know our story. Somehow, they know that Leia and I are twins and that Va—Anakin Skywalker was our father. They know you were an Emperor’s Hand. They know we’re married. They know about the Rebellion. They know about Thrawn and Xizor…I mean the list goes on and on.” “How do they know this?” “I don’t know,” Luke said, sounding a bit frustrated. “But somehow they do. There’s someone they keep calling the Flanneled One, and they keep saying that he’s the source of the stories. All the stuff that Leia’s sent me are what are called ‘fan fiction’ stories, meaning they take our real story and they spin off fake ones.” “You mean like the drivel we see on the holonet? The soaps?” Luke cleared his throat. “Ummm…worse.” “What?” Mara snorted in disbelief. “How could anything be worse than ‘As the Galaxy Turns’?” Luke handed her the datapad. “Maybe you should see for yourself. There’s something out there called Monday Mush Mania—“ “What’s a ‘Monday’?” Mara asked as she started to scroll through the file that Luke had been reading. “I think—and this is from one of the translator droids’ footnotes—that it’s a day of the week.” Mara didn’t answer, and Luke saw that her brow was furrowed in concentration. He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cringe, knowing what her eventual reaction would be when she’d read through the file. It wasn’t long before Mara gave out a shout. “Lukey-kins? Lukey-kins? In what lifetime would I ever call you that?” “None, I hope,” Luke muttered. “Listen. It’s all just drivel. I’m just trying to figure out how they knew about us—“ he reached out to try to take his datapad back, but Mara slapped his hand away. “Don’t even think about touching this datapad, Lukey-kins,” Mara gritted as she continued to scroll down the screen. Luke edged away. “Hmmm…feeling a bit hungry,” he said. “Maybe I should see what’s in the kitchen.” Mara didn’t answer. She was completely engrossed in reading what was on the screen. Luke headed into the kitchen and started rummaging through the food in the cooling unit. It was nearing dinnertime and he was a bit hungry. An hour later, he’d finished making dinner, and he headed into the study to call Mara. She stalked into the dining alcove. “Tell me again how you know this is from another galaxy?” “Leia showed me the transmission provenance. It’s been authenticated.” “Did you read the nonsense on that datapad?” Mara bristled. “There were a few stories that were actually quite good—“ Luke started to say, but Mara shook her head. “They had me prancing around in a bantha-leather bustier studded with corusca gems doing some kind of harem girl dance for you in one story!” Mara burst out indignantly. “They had me calling you honey-buns! And do you know how many times my red-gold hair and jade green eyes were mentioned? You’d think that I was the only one in any galaxy with those features! And what they did to our relationship! There was one story where I did nothing but insult you and you did nothing but say, ‘Yes, dear’!—As if you were ever that much of a pushover—and then at the end of the story, once you took me in your arms I melted into a puddle of goo and just started saying how hot you were. Hot-cakes! They had me calling you hot-cakes!” “I’m not sure I’d mind,” Luke said, before he quickly ducked to dodge the napkin ring that Mara threw at his head. He emerged from under the table trying not to laugh. Now that his initial shock over the stories was over he was starting to see the humorous side of things. “I tried to warn you, Mara.” But Mara wasn’t amused and she wasn’t finished. “They’ve got us with a son named Ben, who doesn’t ever seem to do anything but be nauseatingly cutesy.” “I actually think Ben would be a great name if we ever had a son. And besides, little kids are cute.” Mara scowled. “That’s beside the point. I wouldn’t mind a name like Ben, either, if we had a son, but they have me being the worst mother ever! I don’t ever seem to do anything but leave him in the care of droids, or smother him. And there’s one story where I call him Bennie-wennie! Me! I was the Emperor’s Hand! A warrior! And instead they had me giving you nudgie tickles!” It was too much for Luke, who could no longer restrain his laughter. “Come on, Mara-wara, give me a nudgie tickle!” Mara leaned across the table to grab the salt shaker but caught Luke’s eye and suddenly started laughing herself. “All right,” she conceded with a chuckle. “I guess I just got carried away by that whole rigamarole you told me about the extragalactic holonet transmissions. I mean, I admit I actually thought ‘As the Galaxy Turns’ was kind of amusing. It just seemed to be too much to think that people a hundred and fifty million light years away would be sharing awful stories like that about me. I mean—half these stories read like people are using us to satisfy some sort of personal fantasies but with our names slapped on their stories.” “What I said about the files coming from an extragalactic transmissions wasn’t a joke,” Luke said. Now Mara started to look annoyed. “Enough’s enough, Luke,” she said. “I’m serious,” Luke insisted. “Luke, for pity’s sake! You’re a Jedi Master! I can’t believe that you could be so easily taken in by one of Han’s practical jokes.” “It’s not one of Han’s—“ “It has to be,” Mara said. “Look at this awful writing and the moronic dialogue. It’s got the hallmarks of that Corellian scoundrel all over it.” “I’m telling you, it’s not a joke.” Mara gave Luke a skeptical look and then finally said, “Let’s settle this. This whole story just sounds too preposterous to be true.” She got up and headed for the telecomm unit. “Get me Leia and Han,” she said. Moments later, the screen flickered and Han Solo’s face came into view. Without any other preamble, Mara said, “Did you put Leia up to this?” “Well, it’s great to see you, too, Red,” Han said, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Now, what was I dragged away from dinner for?” “That whole holonet joke,” Mara snapped impatiently. “Holonet joke?” Han asked. He looked confused for a moment before he turned to Luke. “You told her the one about the Ewok, the Rodian and the Je—“ “No!” Luke said quickly. “That’s not what Mara’s talking about. She—she read the stories from the file that Leia sent me. The one with the extragalactic alpha transmissions.” “And you think I’m behind that?” Han’s voice rose with indignation. Almost immediately, Leia’s face came into view. “What’s the matter, Han?” she asked, before turning to say, “Good evening, Mara, Luke. What’s the matter?” “They think that I’m behind those crazy stories that you showed me. Me! What in the galaxy would make you think that I’m behind those stories?” “Because they’re sheer character assassination! Half the ones labeled ‘mush’ deserve another label altogether!” Mara said. Leia put her hand out to restrain Han, knowing how he would react to Mara’s accusation, but a sudden beep on her personal comm. unit distracted her attention. Muttering a quick apology she moved out of view of the telecomm screen. “You think your stories are bad?” Han bridled. “Have you read the stuff that’s written about us? Jeez! They have Leia chasing me naked through the Falcon! They’ve got me carrying her shopping bags and calling her things like ‘Worshipingness’ and ‘your highness princessness’! If Leia and I traded half the insults that they seem to think we’ve traded we could have fought the galactic civil war all by ourselves. And that’s not even the worst of it! The stories they have about Leia’s parents could make you pass out. They have Darth Vader—Darth Vader mind you, running after Leia’s mother calling her “Sweetie-poo” and crying that he’s not worthy. Even worse are the stories they have about the kids! The stuff they’ve got on Jaina makes me think it wouldn’t be a bad idea to take the Falcon out a hundred and fifty thousand light years to set them straight. They’ve got her going out with so many different men—Kyp Durron? Zekk? And they keep pairing her up with some guy named Gag or something. She’s only fourteen!” “All right, all right,” Mara conceded somewhat testily. “Keep your blaster holstered. I believe you that you didn’t make this up. But then it doesn’t make sense that we’re nothing more than holosoap fodder for people ten galaxies away.” “Beats me, Jade,” Han said. “All I know is that if these stories ever reach the Galactic Holonet Press, I’d never be able to step outside the house again.” “You won’t have to worry about that,” Leia said, coming back into view on the telecomm screen again. “What do you mean?” Han, Mara and Luke asked simultaneously. “That was Iella Antilles. There’s been a development,” Leia said. There was a hesitancy about her voice and manner that made the others all tense. “What kind of development?” Han asked. “Does this have to do with those files you showed me?” “Ummm….yes,” Leia said. “You mean they’re not transgalactic transmissions?” Mara asked. “No,” Leia said. “They are from the Vesprion Sector. And they still believe the transmissions come from that planet called Earth.” “So, what’s the development, then?” Luke asked. “Apparently, it turns out that the translator droids had a glitch in their programming. They mistakenly transcribed the messages. It—it turns out it’s all an enormous translation error.” “Can you please rephrase that all in Basic?” Han asked, sounding impatient, now. “What it all means,” Leia clarified, “is that those files were not about us at all. They’re all episodes from some Earth-based soap opera called ‘The Young and the Restless.’” -----signature----- Evil Twin of Gabri_Jade When a baby smiles the world is happy
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palpyisgod2 Registered: Aug '05	Date Posted: 6/30/07 5:28am Subject: RE: Monday Mush Mania - L/M, H/L one shot
	“Apparently, it turns out that the translator droids had a glitch in their programming. They mistakenly transcribed the messages. It—it turns out it’s all an enormous translation error.” “Can you please rephrase that all in Basic?” Han asked, sounding impatient, now. “What it all means,” Leia clarified, “is that those files were not about us at all. They’re all episodes from some Earth-based soap opera called ‘The Young and the Restless.’” collapses that was soooo good! -----signature----- "Oh, Janette...I didn't know you could do that... I think I feel an election coming on..." -John Howard "Keating" - The Musical We Had To Have
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Knight_Aragorn Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 6/30/07 5:43am Subject: RE: Monday Mush Mania - L/M, H/L one shot
	WIN! I love this story to bits. Honestly, it's hard to be coherent, and I couldn't possibly pick out a particular part, because the whole thing is brilliant. Nudgie-tickles! Ha! Well done.
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cibbler Registered: Aug '06	Date Posted: 6/30/07 5:53am Subject: RE: Monday Mush Mania - L/M, H/L one shot
	brilliant
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VaderLVR64 Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 6/30/07 6:03am Subject: RE: Monday Mush Mania - L/M, H/L one shot
	“Well, it seems that the messages are about us.” “What?” “There’s a site called TheForce.Net. And they have something called a ‘fan fiction’ site.” “Fan fiction? What’s that?” Mara asked, feeling she wasn’t going to like the answer. Luke sighed. “I’m not really sure. All I can say is that there are dozens of stories written about us.” “I don’t understand,” Mara said. She was beginning to lose her patience. “I’m not sure I understand completely, either,” Luke said. “It’s just that it seems that people from this galaxy know our story. Somehow, they know that Leia and I are twins and that Va—Anakin Skywalker was our father. They know you were an Emperor’s Hand. They know we’re married. They know about the Rebellion. They know about Thrawn and Xizor…I mean the list goes on and on.” “How do they know this?” “I don’t know,” Luke said, sounding a bit frustrated. “But somehow they do. There’s someone they keep calling the Flanneled One, and they keep saying that he’s the source of the stories. All the stuff that Leia’s sent me are what are called ‘fan fiction’ stories, meaning they take our real story and they spin off fake ones.” “You mean like the drivel we see on the holonet? The soaps?” Luke cleared his throat. “Ummm…worse.” “What?” Mara snorted in disbelief. “How could anything be worse than ‘As the Galaxy Turns’?” Luke handed her the datapad. “Maybe you should see for yourself. There’s something out there called Monday Mush Mania—“ OMG! Best MMM EVER!!!! That's all I can say. I'm still trying to catch my breath. -----signature----- R.I.P John, Alex, Jason, and Christian Never forgotten Soldiers' Angels http://soldiersangels.org/ 2114 soldiers waiting for someone to care
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RedGold Registered: Nov '04	Date Posted: 6/30/07 6:38am Subject: RE: Monday Mush Mania - L/M, H/L one shot
	LOL One huge translation error... mmuuwwwahahahahahahah -----signature----- Legend... Recluse... Forgotten... Will one day return... http://www.starwarsfanfic.com
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alhana_antilles Registered: Aug '02	Date Posted: 6/30/07 7:20am Subject: RE: Monday Mush Mania - L/M, H/L one shot
	This was hilarious. Great job; I loved it. -----signature----- Buaidh no bas Wraith 10 of XWSFC Member of the Chewbacca Fanclub "Brothers don't whistle while they work, Jon."- Larry Wilmore, The Daily Show
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Idrelle_Miocovani Registered: Feb '05	Date Posted: 6/30/07 8:14am Subject: RE: Monday Mush Mania - L/M, H/L one shot
	collapses from laughter That was... ridiculously funny. "The stuff they’ve got on Jaina makes me think it wouldn’t be a bad idea to take the Falcon out a hundred and fifty thousand light years to set them straight. They’ve got her going out with so many different men—Kyp Durron? Zekk? And they keep pairing her up with some guy named Gag or something. She’s only fourteen!” Pure brilliance. -----signature----- Nat is my new Muse. Yes, you may have one of those flowy Greek-robe things you say you can't spell. This Time Around: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/27062943/p1/?2 DarthIshtar's Padawan
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Jedi_Liz Title: Former CR Lincoln NE, USA Registered: Apr '00	Date Posted: 6/30/07 8:33am Subject: RE: Monday Mush Mania - L/M, H/L one shot
	That was great! -----signature----- Current Fic: Lightswords of Fury: Special Edition - L/M Romance http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/24270936/ Chapter 19 posted on 7/21/08 Coming SOON: Mara Jade of Chandrila Grove Coming SOON to SAGA Fanfic
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Jedi_Scribe Registered: Jun '07	Date Posted: 6/30/07 8:52am Subject: RE: Monday Mush Mania - L/M, H/L one shot
	Luke handed her the datapad. “Maybe you should see for yourself. There’s something out there called Monday Mush Mania—“ ROFLMFAO. That is hilarious - Luke & Mara totally pwnt by MMM! -----signature----- Mando'ad draar digu * FADA Acolyte * "This threshold is mine. I claim it for my own. Bring on your thousands one at a time or all in a rush. I don't give a damn. None shall pass." --- Ganner Rhysode
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RebelMom Title: TFF Secretary Registered: Apr '00	Date Posted: 6/30/07 9:11am Subject: RE: Monday Mush Mania - L/M, H/L one shot
	that was hilarious. Soap opera indeed. At least they didn't get any of the profic books. That would get them really angry. -----signature----- Short Story: Pressure Point http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/26961243/p1/?7 Jacen Solo and Anakin Skywalker - as it should have been. TFF: Cheryl
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Gabri_Jade Title: Fan Fiction Archive Editor Emeritus Registered: Nov '02	Date Posted: 6/30/07 10:52am Subject: RE: Monday Mush Mania - L/M, H/L one shot
	My very own evil twin FTW. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go reapply all my makeup for work, since I wept it all off laughing over this. Damn you. -----signature----- Evil Twin of LadyPadme This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us! - Futurama All I can do is be me. Whoever that is. - Bob Dylan Serendipity (Leia-Mara vig) - http://boards.theforce.net/b/b1/30178069 !!11!1eleventy
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JadeLotus Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 6/30/07 10:53am Subject: RE: Monday Mush Mania - L/M, H/L one shot
	That was great! -----signature----- You are the only thing that makes sense Just ignore all this present tense
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BigFatty Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 6/30/07 11:41am Subject: RE: Monday Mush Mania - L/M, H/L one shot
	This was hilarious. And I think the "Gag" comment was the icing on the cake. Great job. -----signature----- 1 Peter 3:15 My Fics: http://fattysfics.livejournal.com My BSG Blog: http://battlestargalactica.contentquake.com My Office Blog: http://theoffice.contentquake.com I make my own icons
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MirandaFair Registered: Jun '05	Date Posted: 6/30/07 12:09pm Subject: RE: Monday Mush Mania - L/M, H/L one shot
	This was all-around lot’s of fun. Hysterical! -----signature----- May the Muse be with you.
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Golden_Jedi Registered: Jun '05	Date Posted: 6/30/07 12:37pm Subject: RE: Monday Mush Mania - L/M, H/L one shot
	If Leia and I traded half the insults that they seem to think we’ve traded we could have fought the galactic civil war all by ourselves. And that’s not even the worst of it! The stories they have about Leia’s parents could make you pass out. They have Darth Vader—Darth Vader mind you, running after Leia’s mother calling her “Sweetie-poo” and crying that he’s not worthy. -----signature----- New Bespin Café - come visit THE place for H/L fans http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/29538471 Diving (a H/L intertrilogy AU) http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/27836852
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