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Author	Topic: Past Days - Han and Leia, vignette
VaderLVR64 Title: Fan Fic Manager in Combat Boots Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 12/4/07 10:17am Subject: Past Days - Han and Leia, vignette - Date Edited: 6/16 12:17pm (5 edits total) Edited By: VaderLVR64
	Title: Past Days Author: VaderLVR64 Characters: Han and Leia Summary: After the loss of a beloved son, Han finds the holiday season too much to bear. Notes: The holiday Festival of Life is a real holiday in the GFFA. However, I added the dimension of the five days having specific gifts associated with them in another story and carried on that idea here. Thanks to dianethx for the information on the holiday itself. Past Days A fire crackled merrily in the hearth. The blaze was Leia’s idea, something about “being cozy” or some such nonsense. It was one of those things she held onto from Alderaan, from when she was a child. Good memories, he supposed. He envied her that, the ability to look back on those years and remember only the good things. Still, he admitted, the fire was sort of nice. Han gazed into its bright heart without really seeing it anymore. He took another sip from his glass; let the alcohol burn a path down his throat into his belly that blazed no less hot than the fire. It helped to warm him. Almost. Outside, he could hear the howling of the wind and the beating of the ice against the window pane. A storm had blown up suddenly, dropping a white shroud over them, a veil of snow. It reminded him of Hoth. So many years ago, a lifetime ago almost. More than a lifetime for some. His thoughts turned once more to his lost son, denied a chance to make memories of his own. Anakin. Not lost, dead. Simply gone as if he had never been. Morosely, he stared at the fire, pondering the irony of the coming holiday. Festival of Life. Life. Not death. Yet here he was, mourning the death of a son during what was supposed to be such a joyous season. Leia was trying hard, though he saw the signs of strain in her expression, the way she let her guard down when she thought no one was watching. Han had heard her crying in the middle of the night, sitting in another room alone and grieving for the child she had carried in her body. Sometimes he wanted to go to her, at least to share the pain they were both feeling, and perhaps by sharing to lessen it. He never did. He never could. Instead, he found solace in the bottom of a bottle, applying himself to the task with the single-minded focus he brought to everything else in his life. He had tried to do the same thing after Chewie died, but in the end, he had come back from the brink for the ones he loved. Han had discovered that the pain of losing his best friend had been nothing more than preview of what was to come. Anakin’s death had changed him, changed them all. Han Solo, lost soul. At last, after all these years, he could admit that he had never been meant for such happiness. There was no such thing, and it hurt to believe in the lie. Better to destroy the lie now, while he had less to lose. Self-destruction was no easy task, he mused. It was long and hard and painful. Good. He liked feeling the pain; it reminded him of the son he could not forget. Pain was life, wasn’t it? From their bedroom, he heard a faint stirring and knew that Leia was awake again. She didn’t sleep well these days. Neither did he for that matter. Sleep was a luxury that their grief could not afford. No matter. He forgot when he slept. He didn’t want to forget. Not ever. Pouring himself another glass, he considered going to bed before he finished the bottle. It might be the wisest decision. The bed would be awkward for both of them. Leia would be curled up on her side of the bed, so close and yet unreachable. Was that her fault or his? Who cared anymore? The touch of her hand on his shoulder both startled and pleased him. The pleasure was instinctive, a dart of warmth that shot through him before he could remember that he wasn’t supposed to find joy in life anymore. He wanted to push her hand away, instead he found himself closing his hand around hers. Holding on. “It’s after midnight,” she whispered. Han looked at the chrono and gave a grunt of acknowledgement. “It’s the first day of the Festival of Life,” Leia pointed out – as if he had forgotten. As if he could. “The gift of Past Days,” Han murmured before he could stop himself. Leia moved around his chair, her hand still touching him, the silken glide of her gown brushing against his arm like a caress. He resisted the urge to reach out and grasp the fabric, to bunch it in his hand, crush it, and feel the soft surrender of it. He remembered a day not too long ago when he would have tugged her, laughing, into his lap and kissed her until neither one of them could breathe. Her hair would have been clutched in his fist then, as soft and warm as the shimmersilk. “It’s late,” she said, kneeling in front of him. Her expression was asking him to give in…just a little. He hardened his heart against her need. “And cold,” she added, rubbing her hands over his thighs. She paused. Sighed. “Won’t you come to bed?” “Not tired,” he muttered, carefully avoiding her gaze. “Come to bed,” she said, a note of pleading in her voice. That almost moved him, for Leia was not one given to begging for anything, even her life if it came down to that. “It’s the gift of Past Days,” she continued and he closed his eyes. Closed off his heart and memories. “Do you remember that one year?” Leia pushed onward, obviously determined to scale the walls he had built around himself. “When Anakin wanted a holo for Past Days?” She laughed softly, but Han heard the edge of tears in the sound. “He wanted a holo of Darth Vader.” Leia simply put her head in his lap, let her fingers trace idle patterns on the muscles of his thighs. She wasn’t interested in getting over the wall; she wanted to destroy it. “We were so surprised,” she said softly. “And then we just laughed and gave him what he wanted. What else could we do?” “I remember,” he answered before he realized the words had escaped him. He lifted his hand and it was the hardest thing he had ever done to place it on her head as if he was still the old Han Solo. Something rose up in his throat and threatened to choke him. Leia sighed contentedly, her head nestled on his lap, one arm wrapped around his leg, graceful in repose. She was still so beautiful, he thought, and the golden glow of the fire light took away all the years that had passed since he had first seen her. She was just a girl again. A princess far above the reaches of a smuggler, but somehow… Somehow, they had found each other. Loved each other. In spite of the odds that no self respecting Corellian ever played. Then she looked up and he found himself wanting to pull her into his arms and carry her to the bedroom, and then make love to her. Make love until he forgot. He couldn’t do that. “Han…” she whispered. “You still have me, and Jacen and Jaina…” How could he explain that, as precious as they all were, they were not enough? “I know,” he answered and a ghost of a smile fluttered along her lips. “That’s always your answer when you don’t know what to say,” she observed with something of her old spirit. He allowed his mouth to quirk. Leia always knew what to say and how to reach him – until now. Until this. Then Leia stood up and plopped down in his lap, cradling his face in hands that would not be denied. “I’m sticking with you,” she told him in a voice laced with durasteel. “You can get mad, you can push me away, you can even try and run away,” she continued. “But I’ll find you. I’ll find you and I’ll still love you. I’ll always love you and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.” Her lips pressed against his, warm and tender and inviting. “So you can use up all your energy fighting it, or you can just give in to the inevitable and love me right back.” Their eyes met. When he spoke, his voice was thick with emotion. “Why do you love me?” Tears sprang to her eyes as she sensed his surrender. “I have no idea,” she admitted, shaking her head. “I just know that I’m no good without you. And you’re no good without me either.” Han picked her up then and carried her to the bedroom. Carefully, he put her on the bed and admired the way she looked there, her dark hair spread around her like rich shadows, her arms inviting him into her embrace. They made love and it was as sweet and consuming as it had been in the early years. They held onto each other, finding strength in the midst of the storms that surrounded them. “I love you,” he whispered later as he held her tight against him, his heart still thundering. “I know,” she answered. And they were able to laugh again. The gift of past days… -----signature----- If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories. Proud New Army Mom - off to bootcamp!
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MarasFire Registered: Jun '07	Date Posted: 12/4/07 10:30am Subject: RE: Past Days - Han and Leia, vignette
	Awww!!! This was so sad and cute. Festival of Life. Life. Not death. Yet here he was, mourning the death of a son during what was supposed to be such a joyous season. Leia was trying hard, though he saw the signs of strain in her expression, the way she let her guard down when she thought no one was watching. Han had heard her crying in the middle of the night, sitting in another room alone and grieving for the child she had carried in her body. Sometimes he wanted to go to her, at least to share the pain they were both feeling, and perhaps by sharing to lessen it. He never did. He never could. Poor Leia and Han... How could he explain that, as precious as they all were, they were not enough? “I know,” he answered and a ghost of a smile fluttered along her lips. “That’s always your answer when you don’t know what to say,” she observed with something of her old spirit. remembering the first time Han said that He allowed his mouth to quirk. Leia always knew what to say and how to reach him – until now. Until this. Then Leia stood up and plopped down in his lap, cradling his face in hands that would not be denied. “I’m sticking with you,” she told him in a voice laced with durasteel. “You can get mad, you can push me away, you can even try and run away,” she continued. “But I’ll find you. I’ll find you and I’ll still love you. I’ll always love you and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.” Her lips pressed against his, warm and tender and inviting. “So you can use up all your energy fighting it, or you can just give in to the inevitable and love me right back.” Their eyes met. When he spoke, his voice was thick with emotion. “Why do you love me?” Tears sprang to her eyes as she sensed his surrender. “I have no idea,” she admitted, shaking her head. “I just know that I’m no good without you. And you’re no good without me either.” I love this conversation. It's very believable and adorable. Awesome viggie! -----signature----- "There comes a time when a man has to ask himself whether he wants a life of happiness or a life of meaning." -Linderman
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KELIA Title: Moderator: Fan Fiction Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 12/4/07 10:35am Subject: RE: Past Days - Han and Leia, vignette
	That was brutal I can't even imagine trying to get though what should be a festive time after the loss of a child. But I loved how Leia refused to let Han run away, physically or emotionally. I think, together, they can pull each other through. Great job on this -----signature----- "Do or do not, there is no try." Master Yoda A Light In The Darkness: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28150602/p1/?8 Undue Circumstances: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28530583/p1/?10
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Myriad_Daydreams Registered: Jun '07	Date Posted: 12/4/07 12:14pm Subject: RE: Past Days - Han and Leia, vignette
	Beautiful, Vadey. That was so touching and poignant, yet still had some good old romance in there to bring them through it all. I love your poetic words and the way you see right into Han's head. I was tearing up at the computer, and now I'm a mushy goo puddle. Wonderful job!!! “Do you remember that one year?” Leia pushed onward, obviously determined to scale the walls he had built around himself. “When Anakin wanted a holo for Past Days?” She laughed softly, but Han heard the edge of tears in the sound. “He wanted a holo of Darth Vader.” How ironic! I love it! -----signature----- And if the answer is no / Can I change your mind? Bring on the drabbles: http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/29099025/p1/?12 "It is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate" -- G. Burns
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Jade_eyes Registered: Aug '04	Date Posted: 12/4/07 12:52pm Subject: RE: Past Days - Han and Leia, vignette
	Real, heart-wrenching glorious!!! I can so hear Leia speaking those words--she has the heart and the courage to speak them. I am so glad he ... heard. Breathtaking. Foot, you're genius-level good!!! Hugs!!!! -----signature----- Luke/Mara--without end forever ginchy, Irish =I Squggles before I read a single word divapilot, Myriad =stunned speechless, yes it can happen
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DarthJainaSolo Registered: Jul '07	Date Posted: 12/4/07 3:42pm Subject: RE: Past Days - Han and Leia, vignette
	That so amazingly sad and beautiful and heartbreaking and heartwarming all at the same time. Poor Han and Leia...I really can't imagine what that's like. We haven't really seen Han and Leia dealing with that pain for Anakin in canon. I think it probably affected them more than we got to see in the NJO - I can perfectly imagine something like this happening behind the scenes - something we didn't get to see because everyone was so busy trying to save the galaxy. Bravo! -----signature----- Crash - http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/27086818/p1 Targeted; The Monster Inside - http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28913557/p1/?0
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Golden_Jedi Registered: Jun '05	Date Posted: 12/4/07 4:18pm Subject: RE: Past Days - Han and Leia, vignette
	Once more, you made me cry. -----signature----- The country is that place where chickens walk around uncooked - Julio Cortázar Unexpected Blossom http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28693266 Sailing Little Boats http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28747916
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dm1 Registered: Jun '04	Date Posted: 12/4/07 8:00pm Subject: RE: Past Days - Han and Leia, vignette
	Indescribably beautiful viggie. I feel for them both, Leia was right though, and I'm glad to see her reaction to his shutting down was not to ignore him and go off saving everyone else, but to stick by him through it all. Well done! -----signature----- Internet Mom to HSG! Hey, HSG, watch those explosives, be careful!!
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alhana_antilles Registered: Aug '02	Date Posted: 12/5/07 3:55pm Subject: RE: Past Days - Han and Leia, vignette
	Oh, this was wonderful! Once again you captured the characters beautifully. -----signature----- Buaidh no bas Wraith 10 of XWSFC Member of the Chewbacca Fanclub "Brothers don't whistle while they work, Jon."- Larry Wilmore, The Daily Show
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Blue_Milkshake Registered: Nov '05	Date Posted: 12/6/07 6:39am Subject: RE: Past Days - Han and Leia, vignette
	When he spoke, his voice was thick with emotion. “Why do you love me?” Tears sprang to her eyes as she sensed his surrender. “I have no idea,” she admitted, shaking her head. “I just know that I’m no good without you. And you’re no good without me either.” Wow!You make the emotions jump off the page. I grovel at at the feet of your masterful skill. -----signature----- Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything. --Muhammad Ali
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Knight_Aragorn Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 12/8/07 3:40am Subject: RE: Past Days - Han and Leia, vignette
	Beautiful as always, VaderLVR. Poignant, yet handled with a deft touch - Han and Leia are perfectly in character in how they relate to one another. And it's easy to see how it would be an especially painful time for them, as it can be for a lot of people. Wonderful work. -----signature----- Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. Pieces of Air (ESB short story, complete) - http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/27283200/p1
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divapilot Registered: Nov '05	Date Posted: 12/8/07 5:28am Subject: RE: Past Days - Han and Leia, vignette
	Poignant and gorgeous. Then Leia stood up and plopped down in his lap, cradling his face in hands that would not be denied. “I’m sticking with you,” she told him in a voice laced with durasteel. “You can get mad, you can push me away, you can even try and run away,” she continued. “But I’ll find you. I’ll find you and I’ll still love you. I’ll always love you and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.” Her lips pressed against his, warm and tender and inviting. “So you can use up all your energy fighting it, or you can just give in to the inevitable and love me right back.” Their eyes met. When he spoke, his voice was thick with emotion. “Why do you love me?” Tears sprang to her eyes as she sensed his surrender. “I have no idea,” she admitted, shaking her head. “I just know that I’m no good without you. And you’re no good without me either.” Han is on the edge here. He wants so badly to give up, to just put it all away and write off his life as a failure, where love and happiness just served to torment and tease from the edges. The loss of Anakin has broken something inside him. But he hasn't fallen yet, and something is keeping him from taking that last step off the ledge into the oblivion that invites him. That "something" is Leia and her love for him. She saves him here. She keeps him from surrendering to the despair. That's exactly what this particular scene shows. Beautiful. Every word. -----signature----- Never tell me the odds. AKL "Beyond the Wall" http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28964433/p1/?6 The Society for Girls Who Like Things that Go Boom. (M. Corde, Pres.) "This is your badness level." ~ Lilo!
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NYCitygurl Title: Railroad Baroness of SFFBC, C&G, and NSWFF Registered: Jul '02	Date Posted: 12/8/07 6:30am Subject: RE: Past Days - Han and Leia, vignette
	That was so beautiful!! You did a wonderful job of showing Han's emotions and pain. The bit when Han realizes that Leia wants to destroy the wall, not get behind it, was so sweet. Very nice tie-in with a holiday, too; I love the gift Anakin asked for. Wonderful vignette -----signature----- "We Earth Men have a talent for ruining big, beautiful things." ~ Master of padawanlost, Ultima_1 and Jedimaster_JainaSolo
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SkalenFehl Registered: Jan '03	Date Posted: 12/8/07 3:52pm Subject: RE: Past Days - Han and Leia, vignette
	Very sad and very nice. It's funny how a man can go through something like this and simply want to be left alone with his misery and how the love of his life knows just how to tear down his walls with ease and build him up again. -----signature----- Founder of The Gentlemen's Writing Guild New Christmas Fic--http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/27837048/p1/?0
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