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Author	Topic: UPDATED 7/29 Second Chances- NJO Era, Kyp, OC, Angst (okay, extreme angst) and hopefully some humor!
sonicflame Registered: Sep '02	Date Posted: 3/26 11:48am Subject: UPDATED 7/29 Second Chances- NJO Era, Kyp, OC, Angst (okay, extreme angst) and hopefully some humor! - Date Edited: 7/29 12:17pm (2 edits total) Edited By: sonicflame
	This is my first piece of fan fiction to post like this, and I am so nervous!!! This story has been in my head in one form or other since I was 15, and I'm 28 now, so it's been a long time coming. Title: Second Chances Author: sonicflame Timeframe: NJO, shortly after the fall of Ithor Characters: Kyp Durron, OC, some Genre: angst, humor Summary: Kyp Durron gets a new apprentice, but who is teaching who? Disclaimer: Kyp and all other character belong to those who created them. Kaylyn is mine, though at times I want to disown her, she's such a brat. Note: It's been a while since I read NJO, so I may have some events out of order or out of time sync. Oh, well, it's fanfic. Chapter 1 The Jedi temple was oddly quiet for this time of day. The younger trainees- some barely five or six years old- usually played through the halls after the evening meal during their free time before bed, but tonight Tionne was outside with them singing a children's ballad in the warmth of the jungle night of Yavin IV. Only a few of the older students occupied the corridors as Kaylyn Alenna made her way to Jedi Master Luke Skywalker's office chambers. Kaylyn had received the summons before dinner, and in the intervening time a knot had formed in the pit of her stomach and slowly transformed into an aching lump that stole her appetite and made her feel queasy. She had to draw upon the Force to keep what little of her meal she'd been able to choke down from coming back up. This summons had to be about Jedi Master Horn's departure, meaning that it was not going to be good news. And, with a heavy sigh, Kaylyn reflected that nothing that had occurred in the last few months could qualify as good news. The Yuuzhan Vong had been steadily cutting a swath across the galaxy, destroying worlds along the way. First it had been Sernpidal, and most recently Ithor had fallen. Master Horn was taking the brunt of the blame for that one, and Kaylyn was concerned about him- she hadn't heard from him for several days. It was unlike her teacher to be out of touch for so long- even when he'd gone on missions that she couldn't accompany him on, he'd been in touch on a daily, sometimes several times a day, basis to check on her progress, but for the last few days he had been silent. Wherever you are, Master Horn, I hope that you are well. And know that you are missed. Kaylyn sent the message silently to him through the Force. It was unlikely that such a specific message would reach the Jedi Master intact, but she hoped that at least the feeling behind it would reach him. A few moments later, a gentle touch on her mind told her that the sentiment had been received. She reached out, trying to get a feel for how far away her teacher was, for where he might be, but Corran abruptly broke the contact before she could discern anything, leaving Kaylyn in her own thoughts again. His last message to her was brief and filled with sadness. I am so sorry. She blinked back tears that had suddenly formed, composing herself before tapping lightly on Master Skywalker's door. Luke opened the door himself and gestured for her to take a seat inside the room. "Thank you for coming, Kaylyn. I...I know that the last few days have been difficult for you." Kaylyn only nodded, a cold, numb feeling creeping over her. Luke took a seat, not at the desk across from her, but beside her. He stared forward as he spoke again. "There's no easy way to say this, I suppose. Master Horn will not be returning to the Order," he paused to let that sink in, and then continued, "after what happened at Ithor, he thought it best that he and Mirax go into hiding." "So, he's left me here, then?" Kaylyn asked quietly. "Yes," Luke said, "but he and I discussed your training before he...went away," he paused again and turned to look at her, "We managed to come to an agreement on who should replace Corran as your teacher." Kaylyn sniffed derisively. "How very thoughtful of him." "Kaylyn," Luke's voice carried a mild tone of reproach, quieting her small rebellion, "you agreed when you came back to train again that you would complete your studies as I directed. You've been allowed certain freedoms because of the circumstances under which your previous training ended, but Corran and I discussed this at length. We have decided that Master Durron will complete your training." That cold, numb feeling left Kaylyn in a sudden rush of heated anger. "WHAT?!?" Luke didn't flinch and his expression did not waver. He had expected something of a tirade. "Have you lost your mind? Kyp Durron will train me? Have you forgotten..." Luke cut her off with a sudden gesture to the office door that was still cracked open. He reached out in the Force to close it with a sharp bang, his expression still unchanged. "Apprentice Alenna, I'm going to pretend that you did not just insult my intelligence. I understand that you are under a great deal of stress from Master Horn's sudden departure, and will forgive the outburst this one time. However, I need an answer from you, right now, as to whether or not you will choose to remain with the Order and train with Master Durron, or if you want to leave. And make no mistake- if you leave this time, you are not coming back again." For a few moments she stared at him in stunned silence, and then quietly answered, "I will stay." Luke nodded. "Good." His expression softened somewhat. "Look, I know this will be difficult for you. Corran and I did not come to this decision lightly." "Does Kyp know about what happened on...does he know about me, about my history?" "No, I haven't told him. Very few people know about that, mostly your friends in the Rogues, and I doubt that any of them have said anything to Master Durron, as you should start calling him. You can tell him at a time or your choosing, or not tell him at all. I will leave that up to you and the Force to decide." Luke smiled to try to lighten the mood. "See, you do have a choice in something." Kaylyn couldn't help but smile back. "When does he arrive?" "Early tomorrow morning. You have the rest of the evening to yourself." Luke reached out again with the Force to open the door, dismissing her. He sat in silence as she left, hoping he had made the correct decision. Either this will work out very well, or they will kill each other. -----signature----- Second Chances - http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=28239696
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Ceillean Registered: Nov '01	Date Posted: 3/26 1:53pm Subject: RE: Second Chances- NJO Era, Kyp, OC, Angst (okay, extreme angst) and hopefully some humor!
	I'm extraordinarily interested in how this turns out. Are you sending out PM's? Could I please be on the list? How could you not want Kyp Durron to be your Master? I'd be delighted. Great start, sonic! -----signature----- "The Queen of Kyp has delivered again " -- Robimus I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that Kyp Durron is a fictional character. Paul's personal pet
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Idrelle_Miocovani Title: Solar Power loving Scattergories Hostess Registered: Feb '05	Date Posted: 3/26 2:07pm Subject: RE: Second Chances- NJO Era, Kyp, OC, Angst (okay, extreme angst) and hopefully some humor!
	Oooh! This looks to be a very interesting AU! I agree with Ceillean, how could you not want Kyp to be your Master? Minus the whole blowing up planets and brushes with the dark side stuff. I really can't wait to see how this turns out. Kaylyn should be a fun OC. Either this will work out very well, or they will kill each other. Ooh, ominous. Awesome start! If you're having a PM list, I would love to be on it! -----signature----- Buffy staked Edward. The end. "We did it, we bashed them, wee Potter's the one! And Voldy's gone mouldy, so now let’s have fun!" This Time Around: http://boards.theforce.net/ASP/user.asp?usr=1162416 Padawan of DarthIshtar
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iamobiwan1970 Registered: Aug '05	Date Posted: 3/26 5:48pm Subject: RE: Second Chances- NJO Era, Kyp, OC, Angst (okay, extreme angst) and hopefully some humor!
	I'd take Kyp as my master any day! This could be cool! If you PM, add me please! -----signature----- Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, with open arms and open eyes.
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sonicflame Registered: Sep '02	Date Posted: 3/27 7:02am Subject: RE: Second Chances- NJO Era, Kyp, OC, Angst (okay, extreme angst) and hopefully some humor! - Date Edited: 3/27 7:26am (1 edits total) Edited By: sonicflame
	Ceillean posted: I'm extraordinarily interested in how this turns out. Are you sending out PM's? Could I please be on the list? I can start a PM list. I've never posted like this before, so I'm still learning. Is there a way to save PM lists in my profile, or do I just need to save IDs to a txt file on my computer somewhere and copy them in? Ceillean posted: How could you not want Kyp Durron to be your Master? I'd be delighted. Great start, sonic! Thank you, thank you!!! Kaylyn has her reasons...all shall be revealed in time. And then I'll write the prequel that explains it all, but for now I want to be mysterious. BTW, Ceillean, I followed the links to your two fics in your siggie and will be reading them today! Idrelle_Miocovani posted: Oooh! This looks to be a very interesting AU! I agree with Ceillean, how could you not want Kyp to be your Master? Minus the whole blowing up planets and brushes with the dark side stuff. I really can't wait to see how this turns out. Kaylyn should be a fun OC. Either this will work out very well, or they will kill each other. Ooh, ominous. Awesome start! If you're having a PM list, I would love to be on it! Thank you so much!! I will add you to the PM list, as well. I really appreciate you reading this! Kaylyn might be fun if she ever gets over being so....grouchy. She's actually hard to write right now! And I will be reading your fic today, as well. iamobiwan1970 posted: I'd take Kyp as my master any day! This could be cool! If you PM, add me please! Hehe, so would I!!! We'll have to bring this one around to that way of thinking eventually. I will add you to the list! Thank you so much, everyone! -----signature----- Second Chances - http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=28239696
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Oddball_62 Registered: Dec '07	Date Posted: 3/27 9:44am Subject: RE: Second Chances- NJO Era, Kyp, OC, Angst (okay, extreme angst) and hopefully some humor!
	Very good! I liked it. I can't wait to see what will happen next. I wonder how Kyp will react to someone who hates him... Very interesting. Good work! -----signature----- Die Daily- Matt. 16:24 Better to expect nothing, and let each moment surprise you. Yurp, Darth RL has finally caught up with me, so I probably won't be on very much anymore...
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Rosa-Belle Registered: Mar '07	Date Posted: 3/30 10:48am Subject: RE: Second Chances- NJO Era, Kyp, OC, Angst (okay, extreme angst) and hopefully some humor!
	I really like this...pm please? ..I wouldn't mind Kyp as my Master...but she seems to have a reason. -----signature----- Senator of the X-Wing Series FC Proud Owner of a Kyp Clone "We'll put that in your biography. Wedge Antilles was so good, he couldn't even fail when he tried to."
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Lola64 Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 4/1 11:16am Subject: RE: Second Chances- NJO Era, Kyp, OC, Angst (okay, extreme angst) and hopefully some humor!
	Nice writing sf. I find this point in time of Kyp's life to be an interesting choice for him to get another apprentice. After all, it's not until after Hapes that he's not all that into himself. But perhaps his new apprentice will help him out in that department. I look forward to seeing her train with him and learn what her secret is. I too would like PM's when you continue, if that's not a problem. -----signature----- Kyp/Nurse Lola: the new ship I stalk people. It's a Lola thing. Senator & Dozen 11 of the KDFC
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sonicflame Registered: Sep '02	Date Posted: 7/29 12:16pm Subject: RE: Second Chances- NJO Era, Kyp, OC, Angst (okay, extreme angst) and hopefully some humor!
	The verdant jungles of Yavin IV wove their cacophony of sound around Jedi Master Kyp Durron as he stood in their midst, just outside a clearing close to the main temple. The sights and smells of an abundance of creatures permeated his senses, both physically and through the Force, and made him feel more alive than he had in months. At least in the last few months since he had lost his entire squadron, including his friend and first and only apprentice, Miko Reglia. The sting of Miko's death was still fresh enough to make Kyp wince when he thought about it. He counted it as a personal defeat that Miko had not been strong enough to withstand the Yuuzhan Vong torture and had broken, though in the end his apprentice had redeemed himself. Kyp knew he had been cocky- cocky and arrogant and too loose with Miko's training. He hadn't prepared his apprentice for the rigors he endured at the hands of the Vong. Since then he had been reluctant to take another apprentice- he wanted time to learn from his mistakes with Miko. And, he had to admit to himself, he also did not want to be saddled with responsibility for another untrained Jedi. Kyp had important and pressing work to do to combat the Vong invasion, and he felt some small resentment toward the fact that Master Skywalker had framed Kyp's taking on a new apprentice as more of an order than a request. Indulging in a few moments of self-pity, Kyp allowed his thoughts to wander further down that path. He would have preferred to select his own apprentice at a time of his own choosing. As a Master, surely he'd earned at least that right. He really didn't know much about his new charge beyond her name and the fact that she was a human female a few years his junior. Rather old to be training as a Jedi, he thought. These days the students came to the academy at a very young age. And this was not her first time here. Kyp vaguely recalled her name from his own early days at the academy, so she had begun training at roughly the same time he had, perhaps a few months later. But she hadn't stayed long- not long enough for Kyp to have formed a firm memory of her. Apparently she had left some time shortly after the Sun Crusher incident, but Kyp didn't know anything beyond that. Master Skywalker had been quite vague in filling in historical details. So, he thought sourly, I have a new apprentice whom I know nothing about and has apparently bailed out of the academy once before. Perfect. "And Luke thought that I was going to be the one with an attitude problem." A female voice startled Kyp out of his private lamentations that apparently weren't so private, but apparently he'd been so deep in thought that he hadn't noticed he had company. He looked to his right and saw her standing at the edge of the clearing, taking a long draw of water from a bottle. Kaylyn Alenna was trim, athletic, and shorter than he'd expected- shorter than average, at least- with a mess of auburn hair secured up just off of her neck. She'd just finished her morning run- Master Skywalker had at least told Kyp where he could find the girl- and stood now with her skin glistening with sweat in the jungle heat. Kyp worked his mouth a few times in shock before he could speak. "You heard that?" Kaylyn shrugged. "Didn't take much effort. Your thoughts were running out of your brain like it was a sieve." She smirked, but the expression was not entirely unfriendly. She actually seemed pleased to have caught the Jedi Master off guard. "You seem to have plugged the leak now." Kyp arched an eyebrow. "Do you always make a point of listening to other people's thoughts?" Kaylyn finished off the water in her bottle while shaking her head. "No," she said when she finished. "I don't try- it just happens. And most of the time I keep it shut off. But when I'm out running in a jungle full of things that might want to eat me...well, I try keep my mind a little more open." There was an awkward pause between them as they both stared at the jungle, the their shoes- anything to keep from looking at each other. It was Kaylyn who finally broke it. "Look, I don't want to get off entirely on the wrong foot. This is going to be hard enough as it is." She stuck her hand out toward Kyp. "Let's try it again. Hi, I'm Kaylyn Alenna." Kyp hesitated a moment, then took her offered hand in his and shook it. "Kyp Durron." He thought for a moment, then started to add, "Listen, I'm sorry for..." "Don't." Kaylyn cut him off. "Really, it's not necessary. Force knows I'm not your biggest fan, either." Kyp felt stung for a moment, then settled again and figured he deserved the verbal barb. "I suppose we at least know where we stand with each other now." Kaylyn nodded. "I suppose we'd better make the best of it- the quicker we get started, the quicker this is over." As they started to walk toward the main temple, Kyp thought that he should perhaps try to lighten the mood. "That's not exactly the kind of thing a guy hopes to hear, you know." Kaylyn continued to stare straight ahead, but Kyp caught a twitch from the corner of her mouth. Finally she couldn't contain it any longer and a small laugh escaped, and he noted the shocked expression that crossed her features. "Sorry," he said again, noting that it was the second time that morning he'd felt the need to apologize. "That was probably inappropriate." Kaylyn shook her head. "No, that's not it. I...I just didn't expect you to have a sense of humor." She shivered as they crossed into the relative coolness of the temple's entrance corridor, and Kyp watched her untie a jacket from around her waist and pull it on, revealing a Rogue Squadron patch on one well-worn sleeve. He risked a surreptitious glance at the name patch above her crossed arms and noted the name on it. Cracken. Kyp filed the name away as one more possible scrap of information concerning his new apprentice. Had she been a pilot with the Rogues? Involved with Pash Cracken? Though Pash was probably a little too old for her. She was definitely a puzzle he was going to have to assemble, but for the immediate future he needed to be more concerned with completing her training. In order to do that, he needed to know where she was starting from. "Up for a little sparring?" Kyp asked. Kaylyn grinned, an almost feral expression haunting her eyes. "I thought you'd never ask." * * * * * * * * "You sparred before you trained as a Jedi," Kyp commented as he lunged in for a low attack, "your footwork is years advanced from the amount of time you've spent at the academy." Kaylyn caught the attack easily, keeping his blade connected to hers and bringing it around in a neat semi-circle. Kyp was forced to press the attack to the side to counter, effectively removing her as a threat to him, but also putting his own blade out of line to attack her. They broke away and stepped back to reset for another round. "I've been fighting with a sword of one kind or other since I was nine," Kaylyn paused before she continued, "my father taught me the vibrosword. I was competitive all through school, and then fenced on the team at the University of Coruscant." They'd been sparring in earnest for the better part of an hour, and the room they were using was starting to become humid from sweat. A few strands of Kaylyn's auburn hair had escaped their tie and plastered themselves to her forehead and her exertion-flushed cheeks. A sight that Kyp allowed himself for the smallest of moments to admit was not altogether unappealing. "UCor?" Kyp stepped in and feinted for another low attack, then switched high, swinging instead toward her ear. He expected her to duck and was surprised when she instead bent backward at the waist and rolled a shoulder to the side to lower her head, his blade passing over her. At the same time she passed her saber from one hand to the other behind her back, allowing her circular motion to continue to bring it around. Kyp jumped back to avoid having his legs cut off at the knees. "Impressive. What did you study?" Kaylyn's pony tail whipped around and landed hanging over the front of her shoulder as she righted herself. "Degrees in nonhuman architectures and structural engineering." "Well, Apprentice Alenna, you have excellent form and balance and impressive reflexes." Kyp lunged at her again, releasing a flurry of blows that put Kaylyn on the defensive. She retreated a few steps. "And are apparently very intelligent, as well, given two degrees from UCor. But I have yet to sense you drawing on the Force, except to maintain that mental lockdown of yours." "I haven't needed to." Kaylyn finally found an advantage, slipping in under one of his attacks and user her lightsaber to lift his in a prime parry. She shot a booted foot out toward him and would have delivered a blow to Kyp's solar plexus had he not sensed the kick coming and spun out of the way, at the same time disengaging from her lightsaber. As he turned, his back toward her for a second, he kicked a foot out toward her ankles and succeeded in sweeping her legs out from under her. Kaylyn with a thud onto the sparring mat, but immediately kicked her feet over her head and back-rolled into a crouch, lightsaber still in hand. "What about then?" Kyp asked. "Had you been open to the Force, you would have sensed that coming." Kaylyn didn't answer, but sprang from her crouch and flipped over Kyp's head. This time he felt her drawing on the Force to augment her leap. But there was an odd mixture of pain that came with the draw, like a bad memory floating to the surface. It was enough to make Kyp stop for a moment, giving her time to land. "Are you okay?" he asked. Kaylyn looked flustered, her eyes slightly glassy. "I'm fine," she said a little nervously. "Just landed a bit wrong and my ankle twinged. Nothing to worry about." She raised her lightsaber again. Kyp also raised his, trying to draw her attack and sort out his own confusion at the same time. He'd sensed the pain before she landed, not after. Kaylyn slowly circled him, lightsaber weaving in a defensive pattern before her. Kyp sensed she was stalling, recovering. The small amount of Force energy she'd used in the leap had obviously taken a lot out of her. Kyp sighed to himself, his grandiose ideas of training a future leader of the Order starting to melt away, and a small measure of contempt taking their place. He wondered why Luke had paired him with this girl, who obviously didn't have Force abilities that were extraordinary. Indeed, they were barely ordinary, though she covered it well with her fencing skills. She would have been better apprenticed to Streen or Tionne or one of the less powerful, more patient Masters. And then he checked himself, remembering the last apprentice he'd had. His first apprentice. The apprentice he'd lost- Miko Reglia. Miko who had died, broken by the Yuuzhan Vong. Kyp had not yet forgiven himself for the fact that Miko had been ill-equipped to withstand the Vong tortures. He owed it to his next apprentice to do better. Kyp shook himself out of the thoughts that had spanned a handful of seconds, then started to make smalltalk again to cover his unease. "I imagine your father is very proud. Coruscant doesn't accept many students, and even fewer make the athletic teams," he said, retreating to an earlier topic of conversation. "My father is died while I was in school," Kaylyn said flatly, perhaps a little too quickly. "I'm...I'm sorry." Kyp stepped back from the sparring circle, for the moment disengaging from combat. For the next few seconds, the only sound in the room was the thrumming of the lightsabers they held in their hands. That's three times she's made you apologize, Durron. Kaylyn shrugged. "I don't need you to feel sorry for me. A lot of people have lost loved ones since the Empire came and went." There was something in her tone that didn't quite add up...it sounded...rehearsed. Hollow. Kyp brushed the thought away. Of course she would sound like that. This was a painful subject, and Kyp was almost a complete stranger. It would take time to build the trust that formed between Master and Apprentice, and nothing could be done to rush that. But perhaps he could begin the process of building that trust by opening up and sharing something of himself. "I lost my father, too," he spoke quietly after a moment. "What?" "My father. He died when I was twelve. My mother, as well. We were all political prisoners on Kessel, and they died in a prison revolt." He couldn't read the expression that crossed her face. It was something like surprise, mixed with a small flash of anger. Curious, he reached out with the Force to try to sense her emotions, unable to shake the feeling that something was just not quite right...something was hidden. It was like trying to read a brick wall. Kaylyn's mind and emotions were well locked down- she'd learned that much, at least. Nothing was getting out, and, likewise, nothing, not even Kyp's gentle probe, was getting in. Kaylyn snapped her lightsaber off as soon as she felt the probe. Snatching her bag and jacket from beside the door, she shot Kyp a glare. "Stay out of my head, Durron," she snapped as she pulled on her jacket and quickly left the room. So much for building trust. Kyp debated for a moment whether to go after her and give her a good dressing down in the hallway. She'd just broken unwritten protocols, leaving before she was dismissed, but Kyp didn't want to get off on the wrong foot on the first day- though it seemed that he'd gotten off on the wrong foot with her before they even met. No, he decided, he'd give it a day or two to settle out. Until then, he was going to dig into Kaylyn's past in ways she wouldn't be able to sense- using the comm terminal back to Coruscant's databanks. There was something missing in the story of her life, and he intended to find out just what it was. -----signature----- Second Chances - http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=28239696
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sonicflame Registered: Sep '02	Date Posted: 7/29 12:25pm Subject: RE: UPDATED 7/29 Second Chances- NJO Era, Kyp, OC, Angst (okay, extreme angst) and hopefully some hu
	I finally got an update in- I've been on travel every other week since I wrote the first part, and it's just hard to write on a plane. :-( I'm not entirely pleased with the way this worked out- I was going for mild loathing mixed with trying to make the best of a situation, and instead I think she reads like she has a split personality. Oh, well. Hopefully I'll get better with it. Is anyone interested in being a beta and helping me out with the next installment? -----signature----- Second Chances - http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=28239696
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Idrelle_Miocovani Title: Solar Power loving Scattergories Hostess Registered: Feb '05	Date Posted: 7/29 1:38pm Subject: RE: UPDATED 7/29 Second Chances- NJO Era, Kyp, OC, Angst (okay, extreme angst) and hopefully some hu
	So, he thought sourly, I have a new apprentice whom I know nothing about and has apparently bailed out of the academy once before. Perfect. "And Luke thought that I was going to be the one with an attitude problem." Oh, who's the sneaky one? Kaylyn shrugged. "Didn't take much effort. Your thoughts were running out of your brain like it was a sieve." She smirked, but the expression was not entirely unfriendly. She actually seemed pleased to have caught the Jedi Master off guard. "You seem to have plugged the leak now." Girl's got attitude! I loved the sparring match, it gives a lot of insight into Kaylyn's character. She's growing on me, I think. Nice job! -----signature----- Buffy staked Edward. The end. "We did it, we bashed them, wee Potter's the one! And Voldy's gone mouldy, so now let’s have fun!" This Time Around: http://boards.theforce.net/ASP/user.asp?usr=1162416 Padawan of DarthIshtar
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Ceillean Registered: Nov '01	Date Posted: 7/29 10:32pm Subject: RE: UPDATED 7/29 Second Chances- NJO Era, Kyp, OC, Angst (okay, extreme angst) and hopefully some hu
	Great update! This sentence will stick with me for the remainder of the day: Master Skywalker had at least told Kyp where he could find the girl- and stood now with her skin glistening with sweat in the jungle heat. I'm serious. He hadn't prepared his apprentice for the rigors he endured at the hands of the Vong. Kyp, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You couldn't have known the Vong would show up. I wonder what it is Kaylyn's hiding? She's an interesting character -- a challenge for Kyp and I think he'll enjoy being around her. I'm not entirely pleased with the way this worked out- I was going for mild loathing mixed with trying to make the best of a situation, and instead I think she reads like she has a split personality She doesn't read like someone with a split personality, don't worry. She reads like someone who's had a hard life and who doesn't want to deal with it. To me it seems like she's running away from something and having Kyp probe her like that, gets her furious because she doesn't want anyone to know. Is anyone interested in being a beta and helping me out with the next installment? I'd love to help. It'd give me something to do at least. As said, great update! More soon? -----signature----- "The Queen of Kyp has delivered again " -- Robimus I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that Kyp Durron is a fictional character. Paul's personal pet
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sonicflame Registered: Sep '02	Date Posted: 7/30 7:50am Subject: RE: UPDATED 7/29 Second Chances- NJO Era, Kyp, OC, Angst (okay, extreme angst) and hopefully some hu - Date Edited: 7/30 7:51am (1 edits total) Edited By: sonicflame
	Idrelle_Miocovani posted: Oh, who's the sneaky one? Girl's got attitude! LOL!! Yeah, I'm trying to make her a little fun. But trying very hard to stay away from writing a Mary Sue, too. I loved the sparring match, it gives a lot of insight into Kaylyn's character. She's growing on me, I think. I'm glad you liked that!! Combat and space battle scenes are some of the hardest for me to write. And I'm glad she's growing on you instead of being instantly likeable. I need to keep her a tortured brat for a little while longer. Nice job! Thank you so much! It's been really nerve wracking for me to post this. I've never let anyone really read anything I write unless it was for a class, and I've been so nervous. Ceillean posted: Great update! Thank you, thank you! I really appreciate the compliments. This sentence will stick with me for the remainder of the day: [i] Master Skywalker had at least told Kyp where he could find the girl- and she stood now with her skin glistening with sweat in the jungle heat. I'm serious. [/i] Ooohhh, I'm so embarrassed to have written that. It didn't come across right at all, I don't think. I was going for the unpretty, dripping sweat after having just worked out look, and I'm not sure it came across that way. Plus, I left out a word. I filled it in above in bold. [i]He hadn't prepared his apprentice for the rigors he endured at the hands of the Vong. Kyp, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You couldn't have known the Vong would show up. [/i] I've never seen any profic that really dealt with how Kyp handled losing Miko, much less his whole squadron in one shot. I wanted to do that a little here. I wonder what it is Kaylyn's hiding? She's an interesting character -- a challenge for Kyp and I think he'll enjoy being around her. I'm hoping to go for one of those "The Sixth Sense" Shyamalan moments when all is revealed. Except she doesn't see dead people and all the characters are still very much alive...but I just love the way he weaves in details to point to the endings of his stories, and at the end you have one of those face-palming "duh!" moments. She doesn't read like someone with a split personality, don't worry. She reads like someone who's had a hard life and who doesn't want to deal with it. To me it seems like she's running away from something and having Kyp probe her like that, gets her furious because she doesn't want anyone to know. Whew!! I'm glad you read it that way, because that's what I was going for. It probably didn't help that I was listening to Evanescence while writing most of this. My goal is to write her as tortured without crossing into being all depressed and emo. It's harder than I thought it would be! Is anyone interested in being a beta and helping me out with the next installment? I'd love to help. It'd give me something to do at least. I would soooo appreciate the help! I tend to get rough edges here and there that I don't know what to do with, plus I just leave out words entirely. After a while I've read and re-read my stuff so often that I don't see the problems with it any more. As said, great update! More soon? Thank you again! And I'm hoping for this weekend. -----signature----- Second Chances - http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=28239696
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