Aleria posted: An enormous thank you to canadianjedimama for betaing and helping me with this. It's an honour and makes this story better. Thank you Cyn! Yay Cyn! You made me cry with this chapter. But it's gonna get better, right? Chapter 1. It was almost as clear as a vision: him standing in front of her, closer than she’d let anyone for longer than she could dare to remember. His presence exuding sincerity and patience. And she wasn’t fleeing from him or dodging his unabashed glance, but finally felt secure and sure as he held her hands firmly. She was ready to promise him everything she had, even if all he wanted was her. If only she’d had more time. It never works out that way dear. Time to let go of the rigid control she had gotten used to living under, thinking it was the only way she could keep going. Time to release the hidden feelings she had pushed aside for so many years in an attempt to keep others from suffering. Time to feel. I’m sorry Anakin, she managed to think before falling into the awaiting black oblivion. Awesome job on Jaina's thoughts! **************** The battle was almost over. The small StealthX squadron skipped around the lifeless chunks of destroyed hulls and debris, driving the remains of the Imperial Fleet back towards Bastion. The surrounding space around the planet of the new Jedi base was starting to calm back down after the ruthless battle. The battle that might turn out to be the final turning point of the atrocious war. But the menacing black form of the Anakin Solo was still looming at the centre of the junkyard of dead vessels both enemy and ally in kind. On the outside it looked calm, but the inside was in turmoil. Jagged Fel sat restlessly in his fighter staring at the Star Destroyer. A cold prickle ran down the back of his neck and he couldn’t keep the fear from his mind. Something was very wrong. Jag Fel restless is never a good thing. He’s mind kept replaying the image of Jaina’s Bes’uliik fighter penetrating the Anakin’s defences and disappearing into one its hangars. It had seemed all too easy. She had flown straight into a trap but he couldn’t do anything about it. Jag closed his eyes trying to calm his senses, but it was of no use. The memory of Jaina’s glistening dark eyes boring into his soul was etched onto his eyelids, as she was about to tell him. It had felt like her short presence was embracing his whole being. “This is master Durron, requesting a Med Evac to the Anakin Solo. Repeat, an emergency Med Evac to the Anakin Solo, NOW!” Not good! Kyp’s voice was disturbingly cracked with concern and horror. The master might have had quite a temper, but it wasn’t like him to lose control in a battle. Things just kept going wrong, slipping away from him as Jag felt useless and imprisoned. The cockpit shrank around him and constrained his chest like a supernova in the verge of exploding. The surrounding where he had always felt completely free and most like himself, had suddenly become the stage of his worst nightmare. And then came an even more terrifying sound, one he had dreaded, as the comm picked up the noises from the background: “NO!” sounded Leia Solo’s anguished scream, which seemed to echo in the cockpit of Jag’s StealthX forever, breaching its lasting grasp of terror through his faltering shields. A stifled gasp blocked the pilot’s breath as he sat rigid, gripping the yoke of the fighter tightly enough to make his knuckles drain out of colour. “StealthX squadron, pull back to base. We’re done here,” came Corran Horn’s restrained voice through the squadron channel, but Jag’s mind had already tuned out to the universe. It couldn’t go on, not after this. It was impossible. Yeah right. Jag's not going anywhere! Jag kept his course pursuing the last limping cruiser of the Imperial fleet. He got into firing range and kept going. He fired his proton torpedoes at the last possible moment and let out a savage yell of desperation just as he was engulfed in the debris cloud of the deceased vessel. Whoa Jaggie! The sensor board on the StealthX’s console lit up, and then Zekk’s worried voice filled the cockpit as he called out to his broken friend. “Jag? Jagged?!” “Yeah?”, he managed to whisper. “What the Sith was that?” Zekk demanded. But he had to know already, he had to have felt it just as Jag had. And they’d all find out of his loss – of his soul so savagely sliced and shattered that he could be impaled by a lightsaber and it wouldn’t make a difference. And Jag couldn’t answer. His mind had already been deprived of all other thoughts except that he’d just lost the only thing he lived for. OMG! Awesome! Wow! **************** This wasn’t how Han had imagined his battle to go. Certainly not by waiting planet side at the base while his wife and daughter fought at the boiling core of things. He cursed the Falcon and his own arrogant flying and barely won the urge to kick the controls of the damaged ship. Instead he continued his anxious pacing around the cockpit. This was getting near to being his best workout in years. Then the comm unit startled him by spurting out loud static and incoherent sounds. Han leapt to the irksome devise and almost banged it with his fist before it decided to cooperate. “…emergency Med Evac to the Anakin Solo, NOW!” he had time to hear before his heart crushed and burned at Leia’s cry. He hadn’t heard anything so devastating in years, and had hoped he never would. It was like Anakin all over again… Like it wasn’t he’s own body, Han heard himself cry out as tears threatened his vision. Then he finally did kick the comm unit. A sharp pain shot up his leg but he ignored it. Nothing could ever compare with this. Never come even close. His daughter, his lovely little girl… He couldn’t have outlived them all. Something no parent should have to experience! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There it is then - the first chapter of my first ever Star Wars fanfic. I hope you like it! I'll try to post a new chapter at least once a week, so please bear with me.
jadesabre75 posted:Aleria posted: You made me cry with this chapter. But it's gonna get better, right? I pretty much made myself cry a couple of times while writing it. It wasn't the easiest job, but necessary for the rst of the story. Chapter 1. It was almost as clear as a vision: him standing in front of her, closer than she’d let anyone for longer than she could dare to remember. His presence exuding sincerity and patience. And she wasn’t fleeing from him or dodging his unabashed glance, but finally felt secure and sure as he held her hands firmly. She was ready to promise him everything she had, even if all he wanted was her. If only she’d had more time. It never works out that way dear. Unfortunately not. At least with those two... Awesome job on Jaina's thoughts! Thanks, I was a little afraid she'd get too OOC, but that situation would get anyone wondering what could/should have been. Jag Fel restless is never a good thing. Yep, if something bad gets through that shell it's never good. And then came an even more terrifying sound, one he had dreaded, as the comm picked up the noises from the background: “NO!” sounded Leia Solo’s anguished scream, which seemed to echo in the cockpit of Jag’s StealthX forever, breaching its lasting grasp of terror through his faltering shields. Don't get too sad! “StealthX squadron, pull back to base. We’re done here,” came Corran Horn’s restrained voice through the squadron channel, but Jag’s mind had already tuned out to the universe. It couldn’t go on, not after this. It was impossible. Yeah right. Jag's not going anywhere! He's just too darn stubborn... Jag kept his course pursuing the last limping cruiser of the Imperial fleet. He got into firing range and kept going. He fired his proton torpedoes at the last possible moment and let out a savage yell of desperation just as he was engulfed in the debris cloud of the deceased vessel. Whoa Jaggie! Too terrible a thing to leave unavenged. And Jag couldn’t answer. His mind had already been deprived of all other thoughts except that he’d just lost the only thing he lived for. OMG! Awesome! Wow! Made you speechless, did I? That's a much better reaction than what I was expecting... His daughter, his lovely little girl… He couldn’t have outlived them all. Something no parent should have to experience! Strongly agreed. I can't wait to read more of this!!! Only if Jaina survives... Great job!
Aleria posted: You made me cry with this chapter. But it's gonna get better, right? I pretty much made myself cry a couple of times while writing it. It wasn't the easiest job, but necessary for the rst of the story. Chapter 1. It was almost as clear as a vision: him standing in front of her, closer than she’d let anyone for longer than she could dare to remember. His presence exuding sincerity and patience. And she wasn’t fleeing from him or dodging his unabashed glance, but finally felt secure and sure as he held her hands firmly. She was ready to promise him everything she had, even if all he wanted was her. If only she’d had more time. It never works out that way dear. Unfortunately not. At least with those two... Awesome job on Jaina's thoughts! Thanks, I was a little afraid she'd get too OOC, but that situation would get anyone wondering what could/should have been. Jag Fel restless is never a good thing. Yep, if something bad gets through that shell it's never good. And then came an even more terrifying sound, one he had dreaded, as the comm picked up the noises from the background: “NO!” sounded Leia Solo’s anguished scream, which seemed to echo in the cockpit of Jag’s StealthX forever, breaching its lasting grasp of terror through his faltering shields. Don't get too sad! “StealthX squadron, pull back to base. We’re done here,” came Corran Horn’s restrained voice through the squadron channel, but Jag’s mind had already tuned out to the universe. It couldn’t go on, not after this. It was impossible. Yeah right. Jag's not going anywhere! He's just too darn stubborn... Jag kept his course pursuing the last limping cruiser of the Imperial fleet. He got into firing range and kept going. He fired his proton torpedoes at the last possible moment and let out a savage yell of desperation just as he was engulfed in the debris cloud of the deceased vessel. Whoa Jaggie! Too terrible a thing to leave unavenged. And Jag couldn’t answer. His mind had already been deprived of all other thoughts except that he’d just lost the only thing he lived for. OMG! Awesome! Wow! Made you speechless, did I? That's a much better reaction than what I was expecting... His daughter, his lovely little girl… He couldn’t have outlived them all. Something no parent should have to experience! Strongly agreed.
ccp posted:Wow. Devastatingly raw emotion. Well done, will there be more?
Trickster-Lead posted:One word: WOW!!!!! Very well done. More? Please?
Aleria posted:Okay, I got an idea today which I'd like to bounce off anyone who reads this: What if this would be an illustrated story? I'd draw a couple of pieces of the scenes in the chapters and post them in this thread. I imagine there might be 1-2 illustrations for each chapter. They would probably be posted a couple of days after the chapter itself. What do you think? Like it or hate it?
jadesabre75 posted:Ooooo! Pictures! I like pictures.
Jaina_and_Jag posted:This is soooo good so far! Just an awesome beginning! Leaves us wondering. Is she really dead??? And Jag and Han's pain! So well written!
canadianjedimama posted:OMG...I'm not ignoring you Aleria, I promise! Don't worry, you've got things to do. My next part of my own post is being a bit of a bear... I'll be back with a king-kong sized review when I've beaten it into submission! Ooh, king-kong size... And I'm all for the shout out! You didn't have to do that! Sure I did. You helped me alot with just this one chapter! And I'd hope you might keep helping... Cyn
THE_PIED_PIPER posted:This is fantastic Aleria. I'll be back with more after I fix dinner and clean the kitchen up.