| Author |
Topic:
Burning Love (OCs) - First Sentence Challenge Vignette-AuthorReplies 6/6/08!
|
brodiew
Registered:
Oct '05
|
Date Posted:
5/29 2:16pm
Subject:
Burning Love (OCs) - First Sentence Challenge Vignette-AuthorReplies 6/6/08!
- Date Edited:
6/6 7:54am (2 edits total)
Edited By:
brodiew
|
Title: Burning Love
Author: brodiew
Characters: Lens Eli and Kayla Bix
Timeframe: LOTF era
A/N: This is for the current First Sentence Challenge.
I've been away for a bit, so please forgive my rustiness. I hope you enjoy.
"Is that a lightsaber in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" cooed Kayla Bix sauntering up to her boyfriend, Lens Eli.
Raising an eyebrow in surprise, Lens reached into his trousers and pulled the silver hilt of his lightsaber into view.
“It is my lightsaber,” he said smirking. “How did you know?”
“Wrong answer, Genius,” she replied with a stern look of disapproval. Draping her arms over his shoulders, she kissed him on the lips. “What was your blade doing in your pocket anyway? Shouldn’t it be hooked to your belt?”
He hooked it to his belt.
“Master Zekk is teaching me about concealment. He wants me to be able to hide my lightsaber at different points on my person and be able to access it quickly in the event that it’s needed.”
“I guess that sounds reasonable,” Kayla replied, unsure. “Is Master Zekk lurking around the Temple waiting to jump out and attack you at any moment?”
“Funny you should ask,” Lens, said hunching his shoulders. “I don’t know. He says the not knowing is supposed to make me hyper vigilant.”
“I told him the Force would warn me of his attack. He said: ‘I’m the Master and you are the apprentice. Believe me. You will not know I’m coming.’”
Kayla’s hands moved from his should and snaked around his waist. He responded by threading his arms through hers and pulling her close. He looked into her Hazel eyes and leaned for another kiss.
“Don’t you think that standing in the middle of a dormitory hallway is a little obvious for this kind of affection?” Kayla said, breathlessly breaking their lip lock.
Lens opened his eyes at the intrusion. She was right. They should probably move out of plain sight.
I believe there is a private alcove only a few meters behind you,” he said as if discovering a lost store of Jedi knowledge. “With a bench no less.”
“Perfect,” she whispered in his hear. The two apprentices ducked into the alcove and sank onto the bench and resumed their passionate embrace.
After a few more moments of relatively innocent intimacy, Kayla felt a tremor in the Force. She pulled away from Lens and stood.
“Did you feel that?” she said, puzzled by the Force twinge.
“Of course,” he replied blissfully. “It was magnificent. Just being near you makes me silly.”
She flashed him a reproving glare. “Not that, Sappy. The tremor in the Force.”
“No,” he said, the haze of his passion lifting.
“Maybe it was nothing,” she said, checking the general vicinity. “Yeah, probably, nothing.”
“Are you feeling guilty about this?” Lens asked.
“No, Lens, I really felt something,” She replied.
“So did I,” he said, grinning. “Can we get back to it?”
He pulled her close.
She looked down quickly, between them, and back up into his pale blue eyes.
“That is no lightsaber in your pocket, Mister.”
“No-”
The bright green light caught Lens’ eye first, before the hum entered his ears. The hair and skin of his neck puckered as the blade of hot light rested only centimeters from contact.
“Where is your weapon, Apprentice?” said the cool, controlled tenor of Master Zekk’s voice.
Lens reached for his lightsaber at his belt. It was gone.
“I’m the last one to speak to you about attachments, Young Eli, but it appears we have a lot more work to do. Say goodnight to Miss Bix.”
Lens flashed her a weak, dejected smile.
She winked at him in return, passion still evident in her eyes.
“Good night, Kayla,” he said.
“Good night, Sappy,” she replied. “See you soon.”
Kayla left the alcove and disappeared down the hallway.
Zekk deactivated Lens’ blade and handed him the hilt. He placed a hand on the lad’s shoulder and the left the enclosed area as well.
“Don’t beat yourself up, Lens. Whether you are embarrassed about being caught or for failing to be vigilant, it doesn’t matter. Love is a powerful distraction. I know. But, as with the Force, there has to be a balance. Your training must come first. Kayla second. Do you understand?”
“I think I do,” Lens replied. “You aren’t telling me not to see her, but you want me to separate the relationship from my training.”
“Can you do it?”
“Yes, Master. I will do whatever it takes.”
-----signature-----
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Jedi_Perigrine
Registered:
Apr '08
|
Date Posted:
5/29 4:17pm
Subject:
RE: Burning Love (OCs) - First Sentence Challenge Vignette.
|
Nice job! I don't think you're TOO rusty!  That had just the right amount of depth and cutesiess. Keep up the good work and good luck in the challenge!
-----signature-----
Congrats Danaan on your new baby! Check out TIS! They RULE! http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28126755/p1 NaNo wordcount: 55335 Not bad considering I had no plot bunnies attacking! http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/458306
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Lola64
Registered:
Mar '05
|
Date Posted:
5/29 8:35pm
Subject:
RE: Burning Love (OCs) - First Sentence Challenge Vignette.
|
Yeah, Lens and Kayla. 
I love this sentence. 
Good story. I had to crack up that Lens was so caught up in his girlfriend he didn't sense his Master, but she kind of did.
Men. 
She looked down quickly, between them, and back up into his pale blue eyes.
“That is no lightsaber in your pocket, Mister.”
I had to stop and ask, "Did he write what I just thought he wrote?"
Great job Brodie. 
-----signature-----
Kyp/Nurse Lola: the new ship  I stalk people. It's a Lola thing. Senator & Dozen 11 of the KDFC
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Kidan
Title: TFN EU Staff
Registered:
Jul '03
|
Date Posted:
5/30 8:33am
Subject:
RE: Burning Love (OCs) - First Sentence Challenge Vignette.
|
|
Great, and funny job here Brodiew!!
-----signature-----
You sadistic Yank!! - McEwok No Krakana - http://nokrakana.wrighton.org Believe in the Constitution? Ron Paul '08
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Golden_Jedi
Registered:
Jun '05
|
Date Posted:
5/31 7:02am
Subject:
RE: Burning Love (OCs) - First Sentence Challenge Vignette.
|
Sweet! 
-----signature-----
The country is that place where chickens walk around uncooked - Julio Cortázar Unexpected Blossom http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28693266 Sailing Little Boats http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28747916
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
brodiew
Registered:
Oct '05
|
Date Posted:
6/2 7:53am
Subject:
RE: Burning Love (OCs) - First Sentence Challenge Vignette.
|
Jedi_Perigrine: Thank for the vote of confidence, Perigrine. I’m glad you enjoyed the story.
Lola64: I thought you would enjoy Lens’ return, Dawn. Thanks for R&R. And, yes, I actually wrote what you thought I wrote.
Kidan: Thanks for reading, Kidan. I’m honored you thought it funny.
Golden_Jedi: Thanks, Golden. I appreciate you stopping by to read.
-----signature-----
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
earlybird-obi-wan
Registered:
Aug '06
|
Date Posted:
6/2 12:45pm
Subject:
RE: Burning Love (OCs) - First Sentence Challenge Vignette-AuthorReplies 6/2/08!
|
|
lovely vignette showing your OC's
-----signature-----
writer and Star Wars fan
FANART [link=http://boards.theforce.net/fan_art/b10020/25793899]fanart[/link]
stories in my bio
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
kecen
Registered:
Jul '05
|
Date Posted:
6/2 4:29pm
Subject:
RE: Burning Love (OCs) - First Sentence Challenge Vignette-AuthorReplies 6/2/08!
- Date Edited:
6/2 4:35pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
kecen
|
Do I detect a metaphor?
Ahahaha. If only the teachers at the schools in my area would interrupt some young lovers smooching off in the halls. They don't seem to mind when I bump into them.
-----signature-----
there is nothing in the world that we can count on
even that we will wake up is an assumption...but i know for a fact that i loved someone
and for about a year he lived on Bastion...
Member of the George R. Binks fanclub, whoo!
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
PadwanKayla
Registered:
Jul '05
|
Date Posted:
6/3 3:51pm
Subject:
RE: Burning Love (OCs) - First Sentence Challenge Vignette-AuthorReplies 6/2/08!
|
|
Nice use of the sentence and loved when Kayla comment that it was no lightsabre in his pocket! Fun story and great job!
-----signature-----
NaNoWriMo 2007 Winner at 87142!
Sanity is just a frame of mind
This is where the fun begins
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Etain
Registered:
May '08
|
Date Posted:
6/4 7:52am
Subject:
RE: Burning Love (OCs) - First Sentence Challenge Vignette-AuthorReplies 6/2/08!
|
"Is that a lightsaber in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" cooed Kayla Bix sauntering up to her boyfriend, Lens Eli.
Raising an eyebrow in surprise, Lens reached into his trousers and pulled the silver hilt of his lightsaber into view.
“It is my lightsaber,” he said smirking. “How did you know?”
What a hoot of a beginning. And Lens doesn't seem to know that saying. Or is he too bent on his stuies?
*read on*
Nope, not too bent on his studies. 
“Is Master Zekk lurking around the Temple waiting to jump out and attack you at any moment?”
You better believe it. 
is supposed to make me hyper vigilant.”
One lesson that does not really work out, does it?
Oh well, he got a bit of action and that's what counts. They'll meet again. Without lurking Zekks in the shadows.
-----signature-----
RC_DARMAN is back! ~ Proud Toastmaster of katriene ~ Sock of MsLanna
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
brodiew
Registered:
Oct '05
|
Date Posted:
6/6 7:53am
Subject:
RE: Burning Love (OCs) - First Sentence Challenge Vignette-AuthorReplies 6/2/08!
|
earlybird-obi-wan: thank you for reading, earlybird. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
kecen: In my day…LOL. Yeah, I bet that kind of public display is more prevelant these days. Thanks for stopping by, kecen.
PadwanKayla: I appreciate the compliment, Kayla. I worried over than last line, but it seemed to fit.
Etain: Thank you for the more detailed review, Etain. I’m honored. I’m glad you liked the story and the characters.
-----signature-----
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Thumper09
Registered:
Dec '01
|
Date Posted:
6/8 12:17pm
Subject:
RE: Burning Love (OCs) - First Sentence Challenge Vignette-AuthorReplies 6/6/08!
|
Good job! There was just the right amount of sweetness in this story, and the contrast between Lens letting his guard down with Kayla and needing to keep his guard up against Master Zekk's "attack" was very well done. It's good that Master Zekk was understanding about the whole thing (and may have used it to his advantage in the "attack").
Great work!
-Thumper
-----signature-----
"Like anything worth writing, it came inexplicably and without method." -Karen Eiffel The Way--Imperial pilot OCs, OT: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28104637 OC X-wing fics: http://www.coronasquadron.com/corona.html NaNo: 33340
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
ZaraValinor
Registered:
May '02
|
Date Posted:
6/19 11:24am
Subject:
RE: Burning Love (OCs) - First Sentence Challenge Vignette-AuthorReplies 6/6/08!
|
"Good night, Sappy," Kayla said.
I love that line.
Hilarious.
-----signature-----
Proud Master to Meredith_Kenobi & Lolly_Tolly
"He full-on Obi-Wan'd me!"
Dean Winchester - Supernatural
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
