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Author	Topic: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story Ch 24 The Right Thing To Do
pregnantpadme Registered: Oct '04	Date Posted: 6/17 7:27pm Subject: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story Ch 24 The Right Thing To Do - Date Edited: 11/20 4:45pm (44 edits total) Edited By: pregnantpadme
	Links to Posts I'm putting this before the Author's notes so it's easier for everyone to find. Prologue/ Love Is Stronger Than Death Ch 1/ Am I The Same Girl, Yes I Am, Yes I Am Ch 2/ I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know Ch 3/ You're My World, You're Every Breath I Take Ch 4/ The Power Of Goodbye Ch 5/ If You Could Only See (The Way She Love Me) Ch 6/ Monsters And Angels Ch 7/ Karma Police Ch 8/ It Ain't What You Do (It's The Way That You Do It) Ch 9/ Have I Found You Flightless Bird Ch 10/ I Have The Touch Ch 11/ Breaking The Girl Ch 12/ (You Know What The Sun's All About) When The Lights Go Out Ch 13/ Magnet And Steel Ch 14/ Back To Life, Back To Reality Ch 15/ I'm Always Touched By Your Presence Ch 16/ Whole Lotta Love Ch 17/ Ramble On Ch 18/ Brothers In Arms Ch 19/ There's No Other Way Ch 20/ Harmony Ch 21/ Reluctantly Crouched At The Starting Line Ch 22/ Roll Up For The Mystery Tour Ch 23/ He Knows About Your Party, he Is Calling You Dude Ch 24/The Right Thing To Do Author’s Note: It has always been difficult for me to reconcile times and dates of specific happenings within the NJO timeline as concrete. Because the books themselves take place over a four to five year period (depending on how you interpret the years given in the book timeline), because a few of the books have overlapping story lines (Dark Journey and Traitor, for example) and because the editors seem to lack any concern for showing consistency in character ages (or appearances) or the lengths of pregnancies (and I’m not even referring to Tenel Ka’s), it is often hard to gauge the amount of time that takes place between major events. After much discussion with a fellow fan, and a little liberal math, I’ve chosen to observe a timeline that places the events of Star By Star as happening after 28.5 ABY. This would make Tahiri Veila 16 when the Mission to Myrkr is undertaken. If any of you hold fast to the notion that the events of SbS occurred closer to the beginning of 28 ABY; I apologize and hope that does not detract from any enjoyment you may derive from this story. Here is my meager attempt to rectify what Troy Denning hath wrought. Also; I own nothing, and there is every possibility that I have inadvertently lifted content or dialogue from profic, but I’m too lazy to go back and find where to properly cite. Sorry. And in my ongoing attempt to be a fully functioning member of the 21st century... I'm going to see if I can use the 'link' method of PM'ing you all for updates, should make it easier to keep track of who is or is not on the list, and who I've PM'd each week. whateveritis12 PrincessBrookSolo frankieskywalker Master_Jaina1011 star_writer24 canadianjedimama Kidan lost_lauries_grapes TahiriSoloFan Jade_eyes CanisBlack Darthevan4ever Weasleby Qwi_Xux Durroness JediMike2372 Morgoth_The-Enemy Mellissa1991 AvenKiel JediKnight-Obi-Wan Fragile frag-ile (adjective) easily broken not secure physically weak frag-ile (synonyms) weakness frailty tenderness delicateness vulnerablity Prologue: Love Is Stronger Than Death 44 ABY Eclipse Station, Eclipse, Deep Core Tahiri Veila gazed about the room, taking stock of all she saw, a small smile curving her lips. Never would she have imagined that her own impending demise would bring her so close to bliss. She’d spent two days sealing the room: liquid silicone adherent now lined every wall seam, the outline of the doors to the hall, and the window. Ten canisters of compressed oxygen, all full and linked together, were hooked up to the portable air-scrubber in the corner, and gauges resting on the desk monitored the carbon monoxide level. As far as she could tell, no air was leaking out and only good air was in. Anakin’s room was as close to hermetically sealed as she could make it. As long as she accomplished her goal before the last of the canisters was empty or the batteries on the air-scrubber wore out, she’d be okay. Okay being a relative term of course. A light covering of dust was still visible on many of the surfaces around her, except where it had been displaced due to her preparations and tests. So far, all had gone as she had hoped it would. As she had known it would. The only thing left to do was begin the journey that would change destiny. When she’d first entered Anakin’s room, the few possessions he hadn’t loaded into the Falcon’s storage holds had been right where he himself had left them. During each of her flow-walking trips she’d rearranged those items, making mental notes of where she’d placed them, anxiously returning to the present to see if the datapads, water bottles, and machine parts remained where she had moved them to. Each time they had. Jacen Solo could go kriff himself… and his pebbles… on whatever plane he currently existed. Now, confident that she was ready to undertake the task that had brought her back here after so many years, she gave into the memories that had been calling to her since she had landed; allowed the images fighting to come to the forefront of her mind to present themselves, and let the waves of agony that were part and parcel of these mental journeys wash over her. In her mind’s eye she could see herself with Anakin, holed up in this very room, wrapped in his arms as they planned and dreamed of what their life would be like after the war. She saw herself sitting next to a food prep unit, Anakin’s legs sticking out from under the machine, handing him tools before he had a chance to ask for them. She saw them dueling in the workout room, Anakin teaching her everything he could think of, because he wanted her to be able to defend herself, in any situation, against any threat. Then she remembered the sick feeling she got while standing in the great meeting room, listening in horror as the center of her universe explained in sketchy detail his idea for how he could deal with the Voxyn threat. It was amazing that the sixteen years that had passed between then and now had done nothing to diminish the joy and sorrow that these memories evoked. It was as if any one of these events could have happened yesterday. As far as Tahiri knew, no one had been to Eclipse since the Jedi fled to the Maw shortly after the fall of Coruscant, and if the condition of the place was anything to go by, she was right. She’d expected this, and was not surprised to find that there was no food or water, and that the air-filtration system was completely shot. She had felt a slight pang of regret at discovering this last bit, but only because she so clearly remembered the hours upon hours that Anakin had spent trying to beat the machine into submission, or rather, working order. But, this was how she had hoped to find the station; this was all part of her plan. When she’d arrived, she had unloaded her small supply of air tanks and water bottles – enough to last her ten days - and stored them in Anakin’s old room. Then, she’d very methodically sealed his room. Every wall juncture, ever crevice, every vent, had been stuffed with rubberized epoxy sealant; the air vents had been covered and sealed as well. Once she’d accomplished her task, she’d programmed her astromech to take off, then she had detonated a self-destruct mechanism and watched her X-wing blow into a million pieces. If she managed to accomplish what she had come here to do, then, in theory, she wouldn’t care about breathing or eating any more. If she failed, then provisions would be unnecessary because she would simply put the hilt of her lightsaber to her chest and activate it. This station was where she had last known joy, and therefore seemed like a fitting place to die. Taking one last good look around the room, Tahiri settled herself onto the floor, legs crossed, hands on her knees. She was going to spend a few moments thinking, going over in her mind all that she had planned out; contemplate the magnitude of what she was about to do. She had learned three very important things during her year with the Aing Tii Monks: one, that Jacen Solo had been a simplistic and literal thinker; two, that there was truth in Luke Skywalker’s ‘a certain point of view’ adage; and three, that life was one giant game of semantics. At the very moment in her study that she realized that Jacen had been right when he said that it was impossible to bring Anakin back to life, she discovered that it was possible to save Anakin. Certain that she was as ready as she could possibly be, that she was prepared to see Anakin, to speak to him, to handle the disappointment he would undoubtedly feel when she told him of all the mistakes she had made, of the disaster she had made of her life, she allowed herself to slip into the Force and look for a specific place and moment in time. She knew exactly where she wanted to go; this very room, four nights before the Strike Team was to board the Lady Luck. She remembered that particular evening well, and steered clear of the five hours after evening meal, just as she had specifically avoided her old room, avoided the time she and Anakin had spent alone in there. She’d spent plenty of time over the years thinking about that, and the many other nights that had played out the same way. Tahiri sighed and let the thoughts of other people and other times flow away from her and refocused on the task at hand; sinking deeper into the Force and looking for that specific moment, that familiar calm. She looked for peace, she looked for love. Prologue title comes from The The song Love Is Stronger Than Death -----signature----- Is Anakin still dead? Not in my new story: Fragile Oh, look... there's a link right there http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/30173930/p1/?69
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Jade_eyes Registered: Aug '04	Date Posted: 6/17 7:40pm Subject: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story
	A very intriguing start. If you keep a PM list, I'd love to be on it. -----signature----- E-sib to Mira_Jade, whose yummies inspire & gooify !! We Squee! in tandem Our Nyota/Spock love knows no bounds--we have superb taste in soulmates Have a bucket Cheesecake Squggles!
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G__Anakin Registered: Apr '06	Date Posted: 6/18 12:35pm Subject: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story
	Jade_eyes posted: A very intriguing start. If you keep a PM list, I'd love to be on it. I agree with everything she says! Please place me on a PM list if you use one! -----signature----- Master to tahiriveilax - - - My fanfic - - - Fate of the Jedi - Abyss : http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/30246540/p1/ Yeah, I used the real title for the next book. Beware Omen Spoilers.
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Ava Registered: Jul '07	Date Posted: 6/18 2:44pm Subject: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story
	Place me on your PM list, you've got me hooked ^.^ -Ava- -----signature----- "Death comes to call, you cannot hold water in your hands for long, it leaks away, goes where it's meant to go. To the soil, to the sky. To ions then space, where stars are born."
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TahiriSoloFan Registered: May '03	Date Posted: 6/18 4:30pm Subject: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story
	Fascinating, Preggers! Can't wait to see what happens next! -----signature----- Auntie & the Chickens ~ Keepin' hope alive A/T ~ Greater than the sum of their parts J/J ~ Unstoppable force vs. unmoveable object AKA ~Auntie ~ Chicken Wrangler Extraordinaire~ Joshua 1:9
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Thrawn McEwok Title: TFN EU Staff Registered: May '00	Date Posted: 6/18 5:21pm Subject: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story - Date Edited: 6/18 5:25pm (3 edits total) Edited By: Thrawn McEwok
	pregnantpadme posted: Author’s Note: It has always been difficult for me to reconcile times and dates of specific happenings within the NJO timeline as concrete. That's okay. I can sympathise. All I can say is that this works. And that's not just a pedantic continuity point. pregnantpadme posted: Fragile Great title. It makes me think of light, and the things that it can shine through. pregnantpadme posted: Prologue: Love Is Stronger Than Death 44 ABY Eclipse Station, Eclipse, Deep Core All of which tells us exactly where we are - and why, really... pregnantpadme posted: Tahiri Veila gazed about the room, taking stock of all she saw, a small smile curving her lips. Never would she have imagined that her own impending demise would bring her so close to bliss. And at once, we're right in there with the character. The paradox is very much Tahiri's sort of thought, but at the same time, it acknowledges that she should, perhaps, be feeling pain, and has, certainly, experienced some things that were probably rather unpleasant... It's... sadomasochistic, but in a very classy, subtle way. It transcends itself? Which is fitting, really... pregnantpadme posted: She’d spent two days sealing the room: liquid silicone adherent now lined every wall seam, the outline of the doors to the hall, and the window. Ten canisters of compressed oxygen, all full and linked together, were hooked up to the portable air-scrubber in the corner, and gauges resting on the desk monitored the carbon monoxide level. As far as she could tell, no air was leaking out and only good air was in. Anakin’s room was as close to hermetically sealed as she could make it. As long as she accomplished her goal before the last of the canisters was empty or the batteries on the air-scrubber wore out, she’d be okay. Okay being a relative term of course. This sets the tone, in more ways than one: the inner monologue echoes Tahiri's tendancy to talk exhaustively, but it's silent, self-contained, with no audience - no Anakin; and, compounding the fact, she's having to do the methodical, practical, mechanical things herself. Implicit pain, implicit loss - unspoken, but shaping every action, every word of the scene, and inmore ways than one... The phrase Anakin's room is the hinge where the reader's suspicions are confirmed, understanding is made explicit; it's very much an echo of her earlier canon tendancy to define things like Anakin's family; yet, in stepping back to that late-NJO mindset, it's also a regression, a step backwards in time... which will become appropriate, and shows what way her thoughts are turning. pregnantpadme posted: A light covering of dust was still visible on many of the surfaces around her, except where it had been displaced due to her preparations and tests. So far, all had gone as she had hoped it would. As she had known it would. The only thing left to do was begin the journey that would change destiny. When she’d first entered Anakin’s room, the few possessions he hadn’t loaded into the Falcon’s storage holds had been right where he himself had left them. During each of her flow-walking trips she’d rearranged those items, making mental notes of where she’d placed them, anxiously returning to the present to see if the datapads, water bottles, and machine parts remained where she had moved them to. Each time they had. Jacen Solo could go kriff himself… and his pebbles… on whatever plane he currently existed. It took me a couple of readthroughs to get the meaning of this, but when I did, I liked it. So the past can change, if you do it right? And Jacen... and his pebbles... can be ignored, because there are more important things to fix. pregnantpadme posted: Now, confident that she was ready to undertake the task that had brought her back here after so many years, she gave into the memories that had been calling to her since she had landed; allowed the images fighting to come to the forefront of her mind to present themselves, and let the waves of agony that were part and parcel of these mental journeys wash over her. That's an interesting move. Not only is it the key transformation from present to past, from start to journey, it also indicates that she's always been aware of the pain - just in control of it. You make her strong/vulnerable all at once. Very compelling - you can feel why she's doing this, both the drive, and the control, the push and the pull. And the past, and the present? pregnantpadme posted: In her mind’s eye she could see herself with Anakin, holed up in this very room, wrapped in his arms as they planned and dreamed of what their life would be like after the war. She saw herself sitting next to a food prep unit, Anakin’s legs sticking out from under the machine, handing him tools before he had a chance to ask for them. She saw them dueling in the workout room, Anakin teaching her everything he could think of, because he wanted her to be able to defend herself, in any situation, against any threat. Then she remembered the sick feeling she got while standing in the great meeting room, listening in horror as the center of her universe explained in sketchy detail his idea for how he could deal with the Voxyn threat. It was amazing that the sixteen years that had passed between then and now had done nothing to diminish the joy and sorrow that these memories evoked. It was as if any one of these events could have happened yesterday. I love the description in this paragraph. You capture the images and the interaction brilliantly, and also the contrast between the younger Tahiri's open "horror" and the older Tahiri's controlled "sorrow"... the difference between her looking at Anakin then, and her looking into her past now. pregnantpadme posted: As far as Tahiri knew, no one had been to Eclipse since the Jedi fled to the Maw shortly after the fall of Coruscant, and if the condition of the place was anything to go by, she was right. She’d expected this, and was not surprised to find that there was no food or water, and that the air-filtration system was completely shot. She had felt a slight pang of regret at discovering this last bit, but only because she so clearly remembered the hours upon hours that Anakin had spent trying to beat the machine into submission, or rather, working order. But, this was how she had hoped to find the station; this was all part of her plan. When she’d arrived, she had unloaded her small supply of air tanks and water bottles – enough to last her ten days - and stored them in Anakin’s old room. Then, she’d very methodically sealed his room. Every wall juncture, ever crevice, every vent, had been stuffed with rubberized epoxy sealant; the air vents had been covered and sealed as well. Once she’d accomplished her task, she’d programmed her astromech to take off, then she had detonated a self-destruct mechanism and watched her X-wing blow into a million pieces. If she managed to accomplish what she had come here to do, then, in theory, she wouldn’t care about breathing or eating any more. If she failed, then provisions would be unnecessary because she would simply put the hilt of her lightsaber to her chest and activate it. This station was where she had last known joy, and therefore seemed like a fitting place to die. Again, these two paragraphs act to strengthen the lines of the character-portrait: Tahiri's dialogue, turned into an internal private monologue; the methodical, Anakin-like actions she's performing (almist a ritual evocation? To bring him back, she has to go in this way? ), and the calm, silent sense that there's nothing else that matters for her. That sense of a lightsaber suicide as a "fitting" alternative at the end is an excellent illustration: if not flow-walking, then it's the best expression of joining him, going beyond pain forever, within the private space they shared.... She's reduced her world down to herself and Anakin, quite literally. I wonder if she's realised this... pregnantpadme posted: Taking one last good look around the room, Tahiri settled herself onto the floor, legs crossed, hands on her knees. She was going to spend a few moments thinking, going over in her mind all that she had planned out; contemplate the magnitude of what she was about to do. She had learned three very important things during her year with the Aing Tii Monks: one, that Jacen Solo had been a simplistic and literal thinker; two, that there was truth in Luke Skywalker’s ‘a certain point of view’ adage; and three, that life was one giant game of semantics. At the very moment in her study that she realized that Jacen had been right when he said that it was impossible to bring Anakin back to life, she discovered that it was possible to save Anakin. Certain that she was as ready as she could possibly be, that she was prepared to see Anakin, to speak to him, to handle the disappointment he would undoubtedly feel when she told him of all the mistakes she had made, of the disaster she had made of her life, she allowed herself to slip into the Force and look for a specific place and moment in time. This is a very well-structured piece of writing, too; she starts off saying her goodbyes to the world she's left behind, to canon - with its failed Jacen Solo and its flawed Luke Skywalker... and she goes back somewhere worthwhile; so, by the end of the paragraph, she's moved effortlessly from forward, to back. pregnantpadme posted: She knew exactly where she wanted to go; this very room, four nights before the Strike Team was to board the Lady Luck. She remembered that particular evening well, and steered clear of the five hours after evening meal, just as she had specifically avoided her old room, avoided the time she and Anakin had spent alone in there. She’d spent plenty of time over the years thinking about that, and the many other nights that had played out the same way. Tahiri sighed and let the thoughts of other people and other times flow away from her and refocused on the task at hand; sinking deeper into the Force and looking for that specific moment, that familiar calm. She looked for peace, she looked for love. If I've not said it yet, there's something incredibly sharp about the clarity of the details here - the clarity of important memories, deliberately relived (the first time I really fell in love, I made sure every detail of the memory of first meeting her was etched in diamond), but more importantly, the clarity of pain, and the clarity of knowing that something matters... but then, she moves beyond that... so she can just relax. It's like slipping out of the chrysalis, out of the tight armour of control, and into something more fluid, more free - and, yes, peaceful, and blessed with love. Because, in ways that are about more than just geometry, you just turned this 'ship around. Punch it. pregnantpadme posted: Prologue title comes from The The song Love Is Stronger Than Death "Tears may blind the eyes but the soul is not deceived In this world even winter ain't what it seems. Here come the blue skies here comes springtime. When the rivers run high & the tears run dry. When everything that dies.... Shall rise." Thank you for writing this. I'm looking forward to the rest!! A/T FTW ( ) follows Tahiri - The Imperial Ewok -----signature----- A/T = OTP :===8[#]8===: Kyp/Jaina fans: stand up and be counted!
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canadianjedimama Registered: Jan '08	Date Posted: 6/18 6:46pm Subject: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story
	Hey now... Looky what we have here. This was fantastic... so sad and broken... so Tahiri. I wonder when she'll realise that when she saves Anakin, she'll save herself too. I'm looking forward to seeing her do it. Please put me on the PM list! Cyn -----signature----- Team Jag I may not always love the canon, but it amuses me so I read. Sara -- Told you so!
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pregnantpadme Registered: Oct '04	Date Posted: 6/19 10:22pm Subject: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story - Date Edited: 6/20 11:07am (1 edits total) Edited By: pregnantpadme
	Fragile Chapter 1 Am I the same girl? Yes, I am, yes, I am… 28 ABY Eclipse Station Tahiri opened her eyes and looked around the darkened room, thankful that Anakin had left the low fresher light on so she could see. Taking a deep breath, she stood onto her knees, and scooted over the few feet toward the bed. Her heart nearly beat out of her chest in joy. There he was, sleeping on his side, the bed sheet knotted in his fist, a lock of dark brown hair hanging over one eye. She resisted the urge to brush that lock of hair away, knew the contact would scare him, and that was the last thing she wanted to do. The next few minutes were going to be hard enough, waking him from a dead sleep and causing him a heart attack would sort of defeat the purpose of all her work. Sitting back on her heals, she gently reached out with the Force, caressing his mind, the way she used to, guiding him gently to consciousness. After a minute - an eternity it seemed to her - those blue eyes she had missed so much opened slowly and stared right at her, confusion more than evident. “Tahiri?” His voice was quiet and slightly slurred with sleep, but full of love and concern. “What are you…” His words were cut short as he focused and fully took her in. The fear she had been hoping to avoid rose in him quickly, and she realized that she had to act fast to calm him. “Yes, Anakin,” she whispered, “I’m Tahiri, but I need you to stay calm so I can explain what’s going on. I’m not here to hurt you.” “Why are you here? And why do you look so different?” “I’m here to tell you what you need to know about the Voxyn Mission. I’m not your Tahiri, but I am what your Tahiri could become if you don’t listen to me.” “Are you going to hurt her?” “No, in fact, if all goes well, we’re going to keep her safe, and you safe as well.” His confusion grew until a slow smile spread across his face and he relaxed; it was clear that his sleep-fogged mind had just put a bunch of pieces together, though Tahiri knew they weren’t the right ones; he likely thought he was still sleeping. “It’s funny, you look a lot older,” he commented through a yawn as he fluffed his pillow and pressed his head back into it. Reaching over and placing her hand on his shoulder she said, “I look older because I’m thirty-two, and I’ve been through a lot. And I need you to sit up. We have to talk.” He gave her a wicked smile, “You want to talk again? I thought twice in one night was enough to tide you over until tomorrow.” Tahiri rolled her eyes, “Not that kind of talk, hero-boy. Come on, I need you to get up and focus.” Sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of his bed, Anakin dragged a hand down his face, rubbing his eyes and blinking a few times and then chuckling. “This is the strangest dream I’ve ever had, I mean I’ve dreamed of you before, a lot actually, and I’ve even dreamed of you being older, but usually wearing less, and you never actually talk, I mean not like with words. Of course, they are dreams. You always sort of just do what I want you to do and don’t ask any questions or give me any orders.” “As if I ever doubted your male-ness. Anakin, for the last time, you’re not having a dream. I’m real, I’m really here, and I’ve come a long way to be with you.” Anakin shook his head again, trying to process what he was seeing and hearing. “It’s funny, you actually feel like Tahiri, though a little different.” “That’s because I am Tahiri, I’m just not your Tahiri. I’ve come from the future, one possible future, a future I’m trying desperately to avoid.” “Well, I guess that is something that a dream Tahiri might say, if I let her talk in my dreams.” Beginning to get extremely exasperated, she leaned in closer and looked right into his eyes. “I’m not a dream; I’m really here. Give me your hand.” Anakin blinked again, and lazily reached out, then gasped at the contact as Tahiri interlaced their fingers and pressed his palm to her cheek. The tears she knew would likely come began to flow down her face, and Anakin moved his thumb over them, wiping them away, then stiffened. “You really are here, aren’t you? How is that possible? Wait…” He reached for his comlink, but Tahiri grabbed his hand to stop him. “No, you can’t comm anyone. It’s really important that no one else know I’m here.” “Why? I mean, you’re freaking me out a little here. I’d really like to check with someone else to make sure I’m not hallucinating.” “I know, and I know that this must be disconcerting, but you can’t tell anyone, and what I have to say is going to be hard for you to accept at first, but trust me, you need to hear it, and you’ll understand why when I’m done.” “Ok,” he said dubiously, “let me see if I’ve got this so far; I’m not dreaming, you are not my Tahiri, you’re a Tahiri, from the future,” he paused and squinted his eyes, “a possible future, one you’re trying to avoid, and by telling me what you want to tell me you think you can avoid this possible future?” “Yes, in essence, that’s what is going on.” “And tell me again why I should listen to you and not call Tahiri, my Tahiri, in here to tell me that I’m not having a really weird dream? I mean I could just be imagining you because I’m under a bit of stress.” “Always the master of understatement. Anakin, you are under a tremendous amount of stress.” “Exactly, which only proves my point. So if I’m not having a very realistic dream, than either I’m having a vision, like the one I had of you on Yavin, or you are a figment of my imagination.” “Would it help if I told you things that only you and I would no.” Anakin chuckled. “Hardly. If I’m imagining you, I’d just have you tell me things that I wanted to hear.” “What if I told you things that you and Luke have discussed that you haven’t told Tahiri about yet.” Anakin raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “I tell Tahiri everything.” “That’s crap and we both know it. You tell her what you absolutely have to if you think you’re protecting her, and when she figures out that you’re hiding something she beats it out of you.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth Tahiri felt a spike of anxiety rush through him at being caught out. “See, if you were imagining me, then how would I know that you were planning on asking Luke to consider not letting her go on this mission?” “If you’re a figment of my imagination, I could make you say that because I feel guilty about trying to leave you behind, her behind.” “Wrong. You and your Tahiri will have a fight tomorrow because she’ll know that you’re hiding something, or at least that’s what happened last time. My being here may change that.” Anakin chuckled ruefully. “If you being here can help me avoid getting yelled at by Tahiri, you may be worth the confusion I’m feeling now.” “I didn’t yell at you that much.” “Now I know you’re a dream.” Tahiri sighed and shook her head. “As much as I’d love to hang out and debate my existence, we have a lot to cover.” Letting go of Anakin’s hand she stood up and began to pace. “You’ve felt me, you felt my face and my tears; I’ve told you things that your Tahiri doesn’t know yet.” Almost reluctantly, Anakin nodded, then shook his head from side to side slowly. “I’m not imagining you am I?” “Finally,” she muttered. “No, you’re not. And you haven’t lost your mind.” “Are you like a Force ghost or something? Uncle Luke always described them as ‘ethereal’ or incorporeal.” “I’m not a Force ghost. I used a time travel type of method called flow-walking to get here. I first learned about it from Jacen, then I went to the group of Force users he learned it from, the Aing Tii monks, and learned how to do it on my own and, here I am. I’ve come back in time so I can help you.” “You keep saying that, what exactly are you going to help me do?” “Not die.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 3 hours later* Anakin sat on the floor of his room, back against the side of his bed, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. The aching that had started in his chest while listening to this woman, listening to her tale, had moved slowly up to his head. He had never had a lot of time or patience for his brother’s self-indulgent and esoteric views, but if he were to believe what he was being told, then Jacen had a much more clear understanding of the intricacies of Force workings than Anakin had ever given him credit for. Or rather, he would have one day. Of course, according to this Tahiri, who he’d begun to think of as ‘Older Tahiri’ just to keep her and ‘Younger Tahiri’ straight in his head, those beliefs that Jacen would eventually hold would cause nothing but pain to the people Anakin loved most, as well as the galaxy at large. Sighing again, he’d done a lot of that in the last couple of hours, he raised his head to look at Older Tahiri, trying desperately to reconcile what she was saying with what he knew to be true. They had debated again his comming someone else to confirm that he hadn’t lost his mind. She had again won out - evidently some things never changed - reasoning that any question he might pose to another, in an attempt to verify his sanity, would set off alarms in the Force, bringing a stampede to his stateroom door and revealing her. What she had allowed Anakin to do, had actually encouraged, was to gently reach out to his siblings, his parents, his uncle, finally even Tahiri, his Tahiri, to prove to himself that they were all safe and where they were supposed to be; in their beds, sound asleep. It hadn’t been hearing this woman detail his death that had so upset him – he was painfully aware of the fact that his chances of surviving the upcoming mission weren’t terribly high; it hadn’t even been her story of Jacen’s slide into megalomania and Sithdom that had so unnerved him; it had been her confession of what the last sixteen years of her own life had been like that had set off a wave of nausea that hadn’t let up even after an hour. The idea that his Tahiri, the woman he loved and already knew he’d spend the rest of his life with, long or short as it may be, could be twisted into the sad creature in front of him unnerved him in a way he would never have imagined possible. Especially hard to hear was the fact that it had been his own death that had begun her downward spiral, that had brought her to where she was now; sitting in front of him trying to change his future. In a quiet voice he hardly recognized as his own, he asked, “How long were you in prison?” “Only two years,” was the response, equally quiet, and very shamed. “I was extremely fortunate.” “Why solitary confinement?” He couldn’t imagine a worse punishment for her. But then, maybe her ability to talk a blue streak had changed with all the other things. “How else does one keep a Force sensitive trained as both a Jedi and a Sith contained? They weren’t going to let me wander around in the general prison population.” “Would you have run? Tried to escape?” “No. But Daala isn’t a big fan of the Jedi, and I think I ended up serving as an example for both sides. By agreeing to my sentence the Jedi didn’t look like they were trying to protect one of their own, not that I was one of their own anymore, and the government got to look like they were trying rectifying what Jacen and I had done.” “You make it sound like you were with Jacen on this from the start.” “No, but that hardly mattered in the end. They were all afraid of me, and your uncle had no interest in speaking on my behalf after everything I had done; especially to Ben. I’m sure everyone thought they were being generous by putting me in a duracrete box surrounded by ysalamari rather than executing me.” “But you gave them everything they wanted, right? You answered all their questions and pled guilty…why were they so harsh?” “Like I said; I was an example, and I didn’t fight it. By that point I didn’t feel I had any thing left to fight for.” “But now you do?” “For the next few days. If this works, then maybe I can die knowing that I did something positive to change the outcome of your life and Jacen’s, which would be a huge thing for your family. If Jacen doesn’t fall, he doesn’t kill Mara, neither he or I torture Ben, Jaina doesn’t have to kill Caedus, your parents don’t lose both of their sons. And if this doesn’t work…well, at least I’ll have tried, and, as selfish as it sounds, I’ll have had this time with you. After all, that’s sort of what got me into this mess.” “Wanting to be with me?” “Yeah. I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you. Or how happy I am finally being able to tell you again how much I love you. Well, him… you know what I mean.” “Tahiri, has all of this really been a result of you feeling guilty about that.” “You have no idea.” “Would it help you to know that I know how much Tahiri loves me?” “I don’t know. But it might help her to know how much you love her.” Anakin shook his head to dispel the thoughts of what his death had done to this Tahiri, and instead focused on how she got here. “How does this flow-walking work? If Jacen couldn’t change my fate, why do you think you can?” “Jacen used this to manipulate me, and I let him. I’m not deluded enough to think that I was a victim here. My desire to see you again was stronger than my desire to do what I knew was right, what I knew you’d have wanted me to do. I was weak. As far as Jacen and his claims of whether or not this could work, here is my theory: Jacen had no interest in bringing you back, so I doubt he ever really pursued it. And if he did, I think he likely pursued it literally. Whether he knew it or not, he was telling the truth when he said that we couldn’t bring you back, not to our existence any way. What I later realized is that what he told me was only true from a certain point of view.” “Meaning, you could change the outcome on a different plane?” “Yes. I can never have my Anakin back, but maybe I can help you and your Tahiri have a future.” A sharp spike of pain pierced Anakin’s brain at the mere prospect of making that statement make sense, and yet, oddly, he did sort of get what Older Tahiri was saying. “And hopefully we can also save your family, and ultimately the galaxy, the heartache that Jacen could eventually cause.” “It sounds like the best way to do that may be to launch my self-righteous brother out an airlock.” "Don’t get me started. But honestly, it’s important for us to remember that the brother you know, the nineteen-year-old Jacen asleep down the hall, hasn’t committed any of these acts. I know you love your brother, for all his faults and all your differences, and you know that too. We can’t punish this Jacen for what that Jacen did.” “So not only do we have to prevent me from dying, but we have to prevent Vergere from taking Jacen from the Baanu Rass and torturing him.” “Yes.” “And tell me again how you think we can accomplish this.” “Judging from Leia’s experience when she was at the Tachyon Flier crash site, and what I learned from Jacen and the monks, I know that when we flow-walk we can leave impressions. What I’m doing now is leaving an impression. After I’m gone, you will remember our conversation, my coming to you. What choices you make, based on all the things that I’m going to tell you, will be what effects your future.” “After your gone? When are you leaving? You haven’t told me anything yet.” “Relax, I have enough air in your room in my time to keep me going until you leave for the mission. I’ll need to take breaks to rest now and then, and I’m not totally sure how that will work in terms of me being able to find my way back, but we’ll work it out as best we can.” “What do you mean, finding your way back?” “Anakin, as soon as you change something, I likely won’t exist anymore. Or at least not as I already have. If you make changes in the next four days, before you leave for the mission, than I don’t know where I’ll have ended up, or that I would ever have learned to flow-walk.” “So I can’t kick Jacen off the roster before we leave, or he will never be captured by Vergere, and won’t be tortured and won’t wander the galaxy and won’t find the monks and become a flow-walking Sith bastard who brain rapes you.” “Colorfully put, but yes.” “What do you expect? I’ve spent the last seven years with you. You’re colorful if nothing else.” “Thank you, I think.” “I hope you don’t find this offensive…but I don’t want her to end up like you. We can’t let that happen to her.” “No offense taken. I don’t want her to end up like me either.” They were both silent for a moment, each thinking of the girl sleeping down the hall. Shaking himself from his revelry, Anakin said quietly; “I notice you haven’t told me not to go on the mission.” Tears began to flow down Tahiri’s face again. “No. I’ve spent years thinking about this, and even with everything I’ve seen and been through, I know that you were right then, and you’re right now; the queen has to be destroyed. Too much is at stake.” “But with all you know, why choose this time to come back? Why not another time?” “Because I don’t now how my interference will affect the outcome of other situations. This was the one time that I knew I might have a positive impact on.” “So we can’t go back and save Chewie?” “I wouldn’t know how. And that would change other things that might make matters worse for you down the road.” “I guess that makes sense. So if the mission has to be undertaken, then you have to tell me every detail you remember in order to help me avoid what happened in your…what? Is there a word? Your ‘time’? Wait, can you go on the mission with us?” “Right, talk about a logistical nightmare. I have to be in the same physical place you are to come to you. I’ve flow-walked back to the world ship and it’s hard to hang out and hide for a few minutes, it’d be impossible to hide me there the whole time. You think sneaking in and out of each other’s room at night is a hassle.” “There’s a point. Hey, did anyone ever know about that? I mean, what was really going on between us?” Tahiri got a faraway look on her face and then her eyes drifted closed. When she opened them a moment later, there was a strange light in them that Anakin had never seen in his own Tahiri’s eyes. “No, at least, I don’t think so. No one ever said anything, so I always assumed that either they didn’t know, didn’t care, or didn’t figure there was any reason to bring it up after you were gone.” Anakin shrugged. “I guess that makes sense. We were pretty discreet in public.” “Although, my monthly requests for ovulation suppression meds had to have clued Cighal in.” “Maybe fish use them for different reasons.” Tahiri just shook her head as Anakin chuckled. “Do you remember the time Jaina and Zekk walked in on us in the dry goods pantry?” Tahiri smiled and let her head fall to the side, looking at Anakin through her eyelashes, “Do you remember the time your dad came into your room while we were in the shower?” “Remember? That was two days ago.” “Oh, right. Forgot. It was sixteen years ago for me.” Anakin grew serious again. “Were they good to you after? After I… went?” “Yeah,” she answered hesitantly. “They tried. I think it was hard for them to deal with how… distraught I was. I think in a way, they didn’t feel like I deserved to be as devastated as I was, or that I shouldn’t have let it show. They were all so stoic; all got on with their lives fairly quickly, as least that was how it seemed. I had a harder time putting on a brave face and pretending like my primary hadn’t just gone nova. “Jaina was there for the melding. I’m not sure I would have retained any Tahiri if she hadn’t helped. But when the war ended I went with Zonama Sekot and I didn’t speak to any of them for over five years.” Anakin had the strangest look on his face; pain and compassion were an odd mix. Slowly getting up, he scooted over to where Tahiri sat, pulled her into his side and wrapped her up in a tight hug. It only took seconds for the tears to start again, and only seconds more for the tears to turn into big wracking sobs. All the pain and loneliness that she had felt for half her life came pouring out of her. She clung to Anakin, burying her face in his neck, wrapping one hand around his waist, her other splayed flat against his bare chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart, his living heart. Above her own sobs, Tahiri became aware of the soft sound of Anakin whispering to her, telling her he was sure her Anakin knew how much she loved him, and that he would make this better, that he was sorry that he couldn’t bring her Anakin back, but that he would be forever grateful that she was doing so much to give him and his Tahiri what had been taken from her, what she had never had. A sudden jolt of Anakin shaking her brought Tahiri back to her senses. “I didn’t mean to startle you, you were starting to sort of fade, I think you were falling asleep.” “I lost my concentration, I must have been slipping out of the flow.” “Why don’t you go back and get some sleep.” “But I still have so much to tell you.” “And we’re both exhausted. Go rest.” Standing up, Anakin reached for the shirt he had discarded when he’d entered his room. “Where are you going?” “I’m going back to Tahiri’s room. I need her, and I need to think, and I need to tell her how much I love her. I’ll be back in an hour, and when I get here, you and I are going to go over the mission again, I want every detail, I want to know what everyone said, did, thought… I want every piece of information you can recall, no matter how insignificant it might seem to you now.” “I’ll give you everything you need, but I think there are really only a few major points that are going to make a significant difference.” “And what are those?” “Leave Lomi Plo and Welk where they are, don’t let Vergere take Jacen, and for Force sake Anakin, if we can’t prevent you from taking an amphistaff to your spleen, then go into a healing trance immediately.” Anakin felt the blood drain from his face and knew instantly that in this Tahiri’s life it had been his own poor choices that had caused his death, and subsequently, the chain of events that followed - and he needed his Tahiri right then more than he ever had before. Chapter title: Am I The Same Girl (Yes, I Am) by Swing Out Sister -----signature----- Is Anakin still dead? Not in my new story: Fragile Oh, look... there's a link right there http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/30173930/p1/?69
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pregnantpadme Registered: Oct '04	Date Posted: 6/19 11:09pm Subject: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story updated 6/19/09
	Oops... Forgot to reply: Hello Boys and Girls, I got so excited about posting Chapter 1 that I forgot about comments. Jade Eyes Thanks for stopping by, I’m glad you liked the first glance. I’ve been having a blast with this one and hope it pleases. G_Anakin PM’s away. Welcome. Ava Glad you’re hooked. There should be plenty of hookable stuff to come. TahiriSoloFan AUNTIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So good to see you! I hope you like it. It’s sure to be an A&T love fest for a least a while! Thrawn McEwok What can I say? Oh… evidently a lot: All I can say is that this works. And that's not just a pedantic continuity point. Well thank you… I’m still going over stuff and asking myself if anyone is going to say ‘no way… that can’t happen.’ But then… this is all make believe, right? Great title. It makes me think of light, and the things that it can shine through. Interesting… and did you know that Tahiri means light in Arabic? One of the things I love about her, that her name is ‘her’ in the earlier days, and one of the reasons her ending up ‘dark’ is so wrong. And it’s funny, I spent years joking about her becoming Jacen’s Sith apprentice, but when it happened, it made me feel icky inside. This sets the tone, in more ways than one: the inner monologue echoes Tahiri's tendancy to talk exhaustively, but it's silent, self-contained, with no audience - no Anakin; and, compounding the fact, she's having to do the methodical, practical, mechanical things herself. Implicit pain, implicit loss - unspoken, but shaping every action, every word of the scene, and inmore ways than one... Interesting take. I hadn’t thought of how stripped of herselfshe is without Anakin, but I did when you pointed this out. She really did lose her essence when she died, and then, Riina was able to take over. Interesting take. I always saw her as weakened by his death, but not that she had last what made her Tahiri. It took me a couple of readthroughs to get the meaning of this, but when I did, I liked it. So the past can change, if you do it right? And Jacen... and his pebbles... can be ignored, because there are more important things to fix. I’m still wondering if I can pull this off, but I guess I really only need to worry about it for a couple of weeks! I keep going over in my mind, and as I read the dialogue, as Tahiri and Anakin are in his room and she’s explaining to him that she is not his Tahiri, and dealing with the pronouns, and her missing ‘him’ but not him how all of this works, but again, it’s make believe, so I guess if the reader wants to believe, that’s really all I need? That's an interesting move. Not only is it the key transformation from present to past, from start to journey, it also indicates that she's always been aware of the pain - just in control of it. You make her strong/vulnerable all at once. Very compelling - you can feel why she's doing this, both the drive, and the control, the push and the pull. And the past, and the present? It has always seemed to me that she was, at first, just in control of the pain, then, with Riina, in control, but only because the YV aspect of her informed that control, then, she simply existed because that is what was expected of her. I sort of wonder why it took me as long as it did to come up with this story, because now, I can’t imagine her not doing this, like the second she could get a shuttle and track down the Monks on her own. What the hell else did she have to do after LotF? Again, these two paragraphs act to strengthen the lines of the character-portrait: Tahiri's dialogue, turned into an internal private monologue; the methodical, Anakin-like actions she's performing (almist a ritual evocation? To bring him back, she has to go in this way? ), and the calm, silent sense that there's nothing else that matters for her. That sense of a lightsaber suicide as a "fitting" alternative at the end is an excellent illustration: if not flow-walking, then it's the best expression of joining him, going beyond pain forever, within the private space they shared.... She's reduced her world down to herself and Anakin, quite literally. I wonder if she's realised this... As it was in the beginning: Herself and Anakin. And interesting, I wasn’t thinking of the religiosity or the ceremony of the sealing of the room, but now that you mention it… I’m good. This is a very well-structured piece of writing, too; she starts off saying her goodbyes to the world she's left behind, to canon - with its failed Jacen Solo and its flawed Luke Skywalker... and she goes back somewhere worthwhile; so, by the end of the paragraph, she's moved effortlessly from forward, to back. Once again… it all goes back to Anakin. Anakin was taken away from her and the men left in her life were Luke and Jacen, both flawed and unable to be what Anakin was, not in romantic terms, but in terms of beacons of strength and goodness. Part of the attraction for Anakin fans is that he didn’t live long enough to do anything wrong, and even his ‘mistakes’; Chewie, Centerpoint, can be blamed or reasoned away as not his mistakes at all but unfortunate events that he happened to be apart of. f I've not said it yet, there's something incredibly sharp about the clarity of the details here - the clarity of important memories, deliberately relived (the first time I really fell in love, I made sure every detail of the memory of first meeting her was etched in diamond), but more importantly, the clarity of pain, and the clarity of knowing that something matters... but then, she moves beyond that... so she can just relax. It's like slipping out of the chrysalis, out of the tight armour of control, and into something more fluid, more free - and, yes, peaceful, and blessed with love. Because, in ways that are about more than just geometry, you just turned this 'ship around. Punch it High Praise! The beauty of Fan fic, I’ve always thought, is the opportunity to explore the themes and ideas that aren’t gone over, or that we aren’t ready to let go of, in canon. Clearly I’m not ready to let go of Anakin and Tahiri and part of what I didn’t get enough of was these little pieces of their relationship that we weren’t shown in real page time. I need to ‘see’ these little moments, I need the mush and the kissings and the tneder moments that inform the bigger set pieces so that the emotions and the dialogue that occurs during those bigger set pieces feel more textured. So, that explains my mad addiction to ‘fic. "Tears may blind the eyes but the soul is not deceived In this world even winter ain't what it seems. Here come the blue skies here comes springtime. When the rivers run high & the tears run dry. When everything that dies.... Shall rise." I was listening to this song at the car wash today (right before ‘Should I stay or should I go now… ) and was thinking that maybe I should have gone the way I did in Fear and Love, using whole songs at the beginning of each chapter, this whole song, along with a couple of others that I have found, really work with this story. But then I decided that I would end up becoming a slave to finding songs or writing around a song as opposed to just writing so I’m sticking with the song title or phrase only method this time. But yeah, this whole song resonates. Thank you for writing this. I'm looking forward to the rest!! A/T FTW No, Thank YOU! This has been a real treat. I hope it’s as much fun to read has its proving to be to write. canadianjedimama Well hello There! Welcome. Hey now... Looky what we have here. I know, after swearing I was done writing fic… This was fantastic... so sad and broken... so Tahiri. I’m glad you enjoyed the teaser. It’s my little contribution to giving Tahiri something to live for, or die for, or for us to read anyway. I wonder when she'll realise that when she saves Anakin, she'll save herself too. Hey smarty pants! Are you going to start trying to figure out the whole plot on page three? I'm looking forward to seeing her do it. I’m looking forward to hearing what you think.. -----signature----- Is Anakin still dead? Not in my new story: Fragile Oh, look... there's a link right there http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/30173930/p1/?69
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Jade_eyes Registered: Aug '04	Date Posted: 6/20 3:50am Subject: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story updated 6/19/09
	Fantastic update. I love love love love fixer-upper fics I really really do!!!! A perfect place to make everything right!!! Keeping A/T together is marvy but oh saving Mara -- thank you!!!! Huggles!!!! -----signature----- E-sib to Mira_Jade, whose yummies inspire & gooify !! We Squee! in tandem Our Nyota/Spock love knows no bounds--we have superb taste in soulmates Have a bucket Cheesecake Squggles!
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canadianjedimama Registered: Jan '08	Date Posted: 6/20 7:22am Subject: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story updated 6/19/09
	I love this next bit... Have you written A/T before? Because this is one of the most natural A/T scene's I've ever read. I choked up when I read it... Gosh, I never realized I missed Anakin so much. Amazing isn't it, the effect that one single person has on everything? If Anakin had lived, none of it (Jacen, Mara) would have happened. At least, as not as horrendously as it did. I'm fairly sure the GFFA would have found a way to start another war. Good Lord... I'm so dang excited! Great stuff! CJM -----signature----- Team Jag I may not always love the canon, but it amuses me so I read. Sara -- Told you so!
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CanisBlack Registered: Dec '08	Date Posted: 6/20 10:38am Subject: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story updated 6/19/09
	I'm seriously impressed with how mature this Tahiri is. I've seen several different fixer-upper fics, and of all of them this is the only one I can recall where the person (or persons) going back aren't hating on Jacen so badly that they can't see the distinction between Future Jacen and Past Jacen.
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Jaina_Solo_59 Registered: Aug '04	Date Posted: 6/20 10:53am Subject: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story updated 6/19/09
	I really like this story. I feel like it's been ages since I read anything A/T. Wonderful job. If you have a PM list, could you add me to it? I feel as though I would forget to read it if I didn't get them. Thanks. -----signature----- "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." Dr. Seuss
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frankieskywalker Registered: Apr '06	Date Posted: 6/20 11:10pm Subject: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story updated 6/19/09
	i was so upset when they killed ani i love storys where he's alive add me to the pm list if there is one -----signature----- and so the plot bunnies attack a whole in his heart http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=24122906&brd=10477 my second fic Your sightless eyes have seen too much http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/24195526/p1/?0
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TahiriSoloFan Registered: May '03	Date Posted: 6/22 4:53pm Subject: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story updated 6/19/09
	This is just getting better and better, Preggers! You've taken an in-universe "reality" of flow-walking (by the way, something I haven't been too fond of ) and given us a "realistic" way to have a very touching Anakin and Tahiri moment....AND given the promise of so much more! WOW...I mean, seriously, WOW! Looking forward to seeing what the impetuosity of Anakin's youthful heroism & optimistic love can do when tempered with the Older Tahiri's tragic experience & love lost. -----signature----- Auntie & the Chickens ~ Keepin' hope alive A/T ~ Greater than the sum of their parts J/J ~ Unstoppable force vs. unmoveable object AKA ~Auntie ~ Chicken Wrangler Extraordinaire~ Joshua 1:9
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Jedi-Ant Registered: Jan '07	Date Posted: 6/23 5:52pm Subject: Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story updated 6/19/09 - Date Edited: 6/23 7:49pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Jedi-Ant
	Oh, happy day!!! I come back after months, and months, and months (and months!) away, and Preggers is back and posting! And posting A/T as well?! Golly gosh! skips back to read Ant. ETA: Oh, and if you could drop me a PM when you update, that would be just super -----signature----- There is pleasure in the pathless woods, There is rapture on the lonely shore, There is society where none intrudes, By the deep sea and the music in its roar; I love not man the less, but Nature more. - Lord Byron
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