Author Topic: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse*** The Great Rewrite commenceth.
The Musical Jedi 
Registered: Dec '99
44107_Indiana Jones
Date Posted: 5/9 8:02pm Subject: RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
Hey, any instrument that has the same fingering for four consecutive notes is a damn fine instrument. grin No one's got lips like horn players. wink

<< used to play horn

 

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DarthIshtar 
Title: Former CR
Scattergories winner

Registered: Mar '01
19660_Pink Five
Date Posted: 5/9 8:10pm Subject: RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
So, seriously, if any of my theorizing sounds like absolute crap, please tell me. Otherwise, I'll go ahead with that characterization.

 

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backdeskproductions 
Registered: Aug '07
42234_Venator-Class Star Destroyer
Date Posted: 5/10 3:11pm Subject: RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
The Musical Jedi posted:
Hey, any instrument that has the same fingering for four consecutive notes is a damn fine instrument. grin No one's got lips like horn players. wink

<< used to play horn



I used to play French Horn too! But I'm primarily a trumpeter. nerd



Anyhow, I like how the character backgrounds and story developing is going. As long as everything works to the original direction of the story, I'm happy with it.

 

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The Musical Jedi 
Registered: Dec '99
44107_Indiana Jones
Date Posted: 5/10 3:14pm Subject: RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
backdeskproductions posted:
I used to play French Horn too! But I'm primarily a trumpeter. nerd


plain Bah.

tongue I played trumpet in jazz band. Though the trumpet section leader always said it was because I couldn't get in to play it in normal band.

I told him that the horns got to play counter-melody because the trumpets couldn't handle it. laugh Ah, section rivalry, especially amongst the leaders.

 

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LLL 
Title: TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor
Registered: Jul '00
46187_TFN 10th Anniversary
Date Posted: 5/10 3:59pm Subject: RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
I think the story plans sound OK. I never thought about contraband medicine! That's a good idea, because although it is implied that the droid can't actually break in and steal credits, it's not clearly stated. Which could lead to the problem that JedSith had with it.

An additional thought: What if this person is actually a captain in the medical corps? That would make the contraband medicine thing less of a stretch.

 

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DVCPRO-HDeditor 
Registered: Nov '06
14855_TFN Fan Films
Date Posted: 5/10 4:30pm Subject: RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
The Musical Jedi posted:
I told him that the horns got to play counter-melody because the trumpets couldn't handle it. laugh Ah, section rivalry, especially amongst the leaders.

Kind of like when the bassist gets annoyed with the lead guitar player, and starts copying him lick for lick, but sounding so much cooler because, y'know, it's bass.

 

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DarthIshtar 
Title: Former CR
Scattergories winner

Registered: Mar '01
19660_Pink Five
Date Posted: 5/10 8:30pm Subject: RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
I like the idea of him being in the medical profession. Not only is this man a petty sort of criminal, but he is supposed to be in the healing arts in the first place and I'm sure that it makes him even more despicable. And he thinks of him as basically holier-than-thou towards other criminals because when he's not being a criminal, he is a life-saver. Someone who makes a real difference. It could also explain part of why his subordinates detest him--he has a massive double standard.

So, here's what I propose. It would require some rewriting of the final part of Sithor's part, but I've got ideas on how it can be worked out. And be warned, it's a bit Biblical. Well, not so much, but if you've read your King David story a few times, you'll understand what I mean.

The blackmail material has to do with something in the early days of the Empire. Namely, in the transition between Republic and Empire, a lot of people disappeared. Jedi, Senators, opponents of Palpatine's regime from before and after the founding of the New Order. Occasionally, those who were sent to eliminate those 'threats' were killed as well, but they were considered to be heroes of the cause of justice and tragic casualties of war.

In the midst of this, a Captain to whom Bel Maden is loyal decides that he wants to take care of the unstable situation. It would be all too easy to arrange for his commanding officer to disappear as so many others have. They can pin it on his Republican sympathies or being killed in the line of duty, but whatever the circumstances, the man decided to make a grab for power by disposing of the man whose job he wanted. He could not outright off the man in the traditional way because it would raise too many questions. Instead, he arranges for them both to be assigned to a mission. In the "line of duty," the CO is wounded and brought to Bel Maden's medcenter. Bel Maden has agreed to falsify the records to show that his minor wounds were actually fatal and basically gives him a lethal overdose of a medicine that is not usually used for purposes of euthanasia.

Now, there are two directions I could take this from here: 1) The Captain got caught and executed and Bel Maden was never implicated or 2) both of them are still alive and could have their careers ruined by the information that they assassinated the Captain's CO. Either way, the droid could be there on behalf of the man who was given that information, but was sent to this colony prison before he could expose the crime.

If this is the path that we would like to follow, here is what I would like to see for the ending: The droid manages to get back to Naboo with the contraband medicine (Bel Maden gave it to him knowing that he would be destroyed before he could make use of it, thanks to Bounty Hunter from part 4) only to find his master dead. By way of retribution, the helpful guy who got him back to Naboo sends a transmission of the blackmail material to the right people on Imperial center.

What think ye?

 

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RX_Sith 
Title: Monopoly host
Forum Feud Winner

Registered: Mar '06
42342_Star Wars Monopoly
Date Posted: 5/11 6:39am Subject: RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
It all sounds pretty good to me.

 

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Jedsithor 
Registered: Oct '05
39838_Anakin
Date Posted: 5/11 2:51pm Subject: RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
Except that in part 2, he hacks into the Imperial network to get the Solar Flare out of impound.

 

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backdeskproductions 
Registered: Aug '07
42234_Venator-Class Star Destroyer
Date Posted: 5/11 3:04pm Subject: RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
DarthIshtar posted:
I like the idea of him being in the medical profession. Not only is this man a petty sort of criminal, but he is supposed to be in the healing arts in the first place and I'm sure that it makes him even more despicable. And he thinks of him as basically holier-than-thou towards other criminals because when he's not being a criminal, he is a life-saver. Someone who makes a real difference. It could also explain part of why his subordinates detest him--he has a massive double standard.

So, here's what I propose. It would require some rewriting of the final part of Sithor's part, but I've got ideas on how it can be worked out. And be warned, it's a bit Biblical. Well, not so much, but if you've read your King David story a few times, you'll understand what I mean.

The blackmail material has to do with something in the early days of the Empire. Namely, in the transition between Republic and Empire, a lot of people disappeared. Jedi, Senators, opponents of Palpatine's regime from before and after the founding of the New Order. Occasionally, those who were sent to eliminate those 'threats' were killed as well, but they were considered to be heroes of the cause of justice and tragic casualties of war.

In the midst of this, a Captain to whom Bel Maden is loyal decides that he wants to take care of the unstable situation. It would be all too easy to arrange for his commanding officer to disappear as so many others have. They can pin it on his Republican sympathies or being killed in the line of duty, but whatever the circumstances, the man decided to make a grab for power by disposing of the man whose job he wanted. He could not outright off the man in the traditional way because it would raise too many questions. Instead, he arranges for them both to be assigned to a mission. In the "line of duty," the CO is wounded and brought to Bel Maden's medcenter. Bel Maden has agreed to falsify the records to show that his minor wounds were actually fatal and basically gives him a lethal overdose of a medicine that is not usually used for purposes of euthanasia.

Now, there are two directions I could take this from here: 1) The Captain got caught and executed and Bel Maden was never implicated or 2) both of them are still alive and could have their careers ruined by the information that they assassinated the Captain's CO. Either way, the droid could be there on behalf of the man who was given that information, but was sent to this colony prison before he could expose the crime.

If this is the path that we would like to follow, here is what I would like to see for the ending: The droid manages to get back to Naboo with the contraband medicine (Bel Maden gave it to him knowing that he would be destroyed before he could make use of it, thanks to Bounty Hunter from part 4) only to find his master dead. By way of retribution, the helpful guy who got him back to Naboo sends a transmission of the blackmail material to the right people on Imperial center.

What think ye?




I like #2... with the ending you mentioned as well.
But we have to have some sort of conflict in space... a little dogfight or something, just to make it Star Warsy, (and i would like to make use of my awesome sounds)




Trumpets are better. cool

 

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DarthIshtar 
Title: Former CR
Scattergories winner

Registered: Mar '01
19660_Pink Five
Date Posted: 5/11 3:28pm Subject: RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
Yes, well, as I mentioned, Bel Maden sends the droid off with the contraband fully intending to have the droid meet his demise before he gets home. If the battle could emerge from that intention and perhaps BelM's connections to the higher-ups in the Imperial Starfleet, it may work that way.

 

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backdeskproductions 
Registered: Aug '07
42234_Venator-Class Star Destroyer
Date Posted: 5/11 4:49pm Subject: RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
That will be the biggest CG sequence the film has, so I suggest production on that starts as soon as the script is written.
I'm really going to like it I can already tell.
What we're going to need first is a concept of the droid. When will we be getting that anyways? grin

 

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DarthIshtar 
Title: Former CR
Scattergories winner

Registered: Mar '01
19660_Pink Five
Date Posted: 5/11 7:55pm Subject: RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
I don't know, but every time I see Bel Maden, I think Bin Laden, which is probably why I thought it was an insidious-looking name in the first place...

 

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LLL 
Title: TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor
Registered: Jul '00
46187_TFN 10th Anniversary
Date Posted: 5/11 9:50pm Subject: RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
hypnotized

Now that's why I wanted multiple writers on this thing.

Darth_Ish, that is spectacular work! rose

Re: the tapping into the network concern. If all the droid has to do there is pick a lock, say, electronically tamper with locks holding the ship's feet down, or electronically open a door, to get the ship out, that may scotch the continuity issue. Just a thought.

I have to scan Part One to be sure any mention of why out characters got sent to Naboo in the first place tallies with this part.

We may need a continuity fact checker after all this.

Go, Ish!

 

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DarthIshtar 
Title: Former CR
Scattergories winner

Registered: Mar '01
19660_Pink Five
Date Posted: 5/11 9:52pm Subject: RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
Actually, I have the droid's hacking skills sort of getting them in range of Bel Maden in the first place. Namely, Bel Maden is definitely Imperial military medical corps and Larson isn't exactly Imperial, military or medical, so...well, you'll see what I do. I'm working on rewriting the last scene of part 2 at the moment...the one where BOT contacts Governor Krane.

 

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Thank you to the readers of Wife of Deceit for voting Amne "Best Original Character, Female" this year
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