| Author |
Topic:
Community Fan Film Clearinghouse*** The Great Rewrite commenceth.
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DarthIshtar
Title: Former CR
Registered:
Mar '01
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Date Posted:
5/12 12:12am
Subject:
RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
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Okay, this is a draft, but will give you an idea of where part 2 will be ending if we take my idea for the storyline into account. It also assumes that the Bestine Sithor mentioned is the Bestine on Tatooine. If that's not the case, only minor revisions need to be made. Hope you guys enjoy. As is customary for me, a few private jokes are things like hanging a right at the third bantha--I had people in California tell me to turn left at the fourth cow all the time.
*****
INT. SOLAR FLARE - COCKPIT
Outside the windscreen, the mottled sky of hyperspace is still visible. LARSON is in the pilot's chair, obviously at ease with his booted feet resting on top of the navcomputer. BOTis sitting in the navigator's chair, head tilted attentively.
LARSON
Bestine's a pretty big place. Are
you going to give me an address or
just hope I guess where you're going
when I get the landing permit?
BOT
I do not have an address, sir. My
records of the place are far too
outdated to be reliable.
Larson rolls his eyes at this as if he expected nothing less from a droid.
LARSON
Well, rustbucket, that's gonna be a
bit of a problem.
BOT
I do not see why, sir.
LARSON
Well, see, you ain't in Theed anymore,
tintype. You can't just tell me to
hang a left at the third bantha after
the Museum of Tatooine and expect me
to be happy about it.
BOT
Indeed not, sir. Bestine's cramped
thoroughfares would be utterly impassable
for banthas.
LARSON
You don't say. So, how are you expecting
to find this guy?
BOT
Well, sir, it is true that Bestine is a
thriving metropolis...
Larson holds up a hand to stall him.
LARSON
Hey, shiny, can you just stow the
thesaurus and give me a straight answer?
BOT
I believe I take your meaning, sir.
LARSON
And quit calling me sir. Makes me queasy.
BOT
I have no desire to induce nausea. I shall
call you Captain when the need for formality arises.
LARSON
Good enough.
BOT
As for your straight answer, Bestine is a
big place, but there are a limited number of
medical facilities.
At that, Larson sits up a little straighter
and looks at Bot as if he's lost his electronic marbles.
LARSON
You're looking for a doc halfway across the Mid-Rim?
BOT
In a manner of speaking, yes.
Larson grins uncertainly at the thought that maybe the droid has fried one too many circuits and this is all a wild bantha chase.
LARSON
Don't mean to sound insensitive, but didn't you kinda...
oh, I don't know...forget the patient?
Bot turns his head towards the windscreen and if he were a human, his posture might have looked homesick.
BOT
No, Captain. I doubt that I will ever forget this patient.
(beat)
There is a man on Bestine who can hardly be called a healer,
but who has exactly what I need.
LARSON
Like a few thousand credits to pay your fare?
Bot turns back to face him.
BOT
There are more useful things than currency,
but I will find a way to compensate you.
LARSON
Just as long as you don't use that 'more useful
things than currency' thing when I try to collect.
EXT. TATOOINE
The Solar Flare exits hyperspace and begins its descent towards Tatooine.
INT. SOLAR FLARE - COMMUNICATIONS
Alone in the communications room, Bot dials a number and on the holoscreen an image appears of the logo of the Imperial Medical Corps with the aurabesh equivalent of 'hold, please.' A moment later, a prim young woman in medical scrubs appears on the screen.
DR. LYR
Bestine Garrison Hospital. How may I assist you?
BOT
Greetings, madam. My master requires immediate
medical attention. Can you receive him?
DR. LYR
Is your master a member of the Imperial Armed Forces?
BOT
No, madam. The Captain is an independent contractor
for the Empire. His contract dictates that, in the
case of an emergency, he may utilize the Empire's medical
facilities for a considerable fee. We have the necessary
datawork.
Dr. Lyr brightens as if having an off-world patient is a welcome novelty.
DR. LYR
How bad is it? Is the patient conscious?
BOT
Oh, yes, madam. He will almost certainly survive.
We simply ran afoul of those dreadful rebels and
he is in considerable pain.
DR. LYR
I think we can help. We're not too busy today and
Dr. Bel Maden just came on duty. Transmit the
contract information and get traffic control to park
you at Docking Bay 215.
BOT
You have my most sincere thanks, madam. We will be
sure to dock at Bay 215.
DR. LYR
Bestine Garrison Hospital out.
The comm screen shuts off and the camera moves to a new
position so that we see that Larson has been listening
in on the whole conversation.
LARSON
Considerable pain, huh?
BOT
Their suspicions would be aroused if you made the journey
to another planet to treat a stubbed toe, Captain.
Larson shrugs.
LARSON
Fair enough. I don't have to shoot myself to make
it convincing, do I?
Bot tilts his head in amusement.
BOT
Only if you feel it to be necessary, sir. I would
not encourage it.
He leaves the communications center and Larson follows a moment later.
LARSON
Well, that's a relief...
-----signature-----
Back, burned and bored. Will be writing soon.
Morale officer of the ACWDBTTCAOT.
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The Musical Jedi
Registered:
Dec '99
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Date Posted:
5/12 7:31am
Subject:
RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
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Looks good, Ish. The only think I noticed was that BOT needs to speak in contractions. Otherwise s/he sounds horribly stilted.
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DarthIshtar
Title: Former CR
Registered:
Mar '01
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Date Posted:
5/12 7:34am
Subject:
RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
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I couldn't remember if she had spoken in contractions before and was basing dialect on Threepio.
-----signature-----
Back, burned and bored. Will be writing soon.
Morale officer of the ACWDBTTCAOT.
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backdeskproductions
Registered:
Aug '07
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Date Posted:
5/12 8:04am
Subject:
RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
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DarthIshtar posted:
I don't know, but every time I see Bel Maden, I think Bin Laden, which is probably why I thought it was an insidious-looking name in the first place...
lol, good job.
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I now have surround sound capabilities!
I just need a project to exploit my newly discovered powers.
Tee hee
-Jon C. Maxwell
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Jedsithor
Registered:
Oct '05
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Date Posted:
5/12 3:46pm
Subject:
RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
- Date Edited:
5/12 4:00pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Jedsithor
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Uh, ok...well here's the problem:
The Bestine I was referring to is the planet, not a city. To be more accurate, Bestine IV.
Wookiepedia posted:
Bestine IV was an aquacultural planet in the Inner Rim Territories, near the Corellian Trade Spine. Nearly its entire surface was covered by a vast ocean, but there were many rugged islands spread across the planet.
The original population struggled for years atop the planet's Island Spires to create an island paradise. As time passed the planet was more widely known for it's small, but growing ship repair and construction industry, which eventually caught on with the Galactic Empire, who constructed large naval shipyards.
It was after this planet that Tatooine's capital, Bestine, was named by survivors of the Dowager Queen wreck. Bestine IV was the homeworld of Jek Porkins.
I would assume that it's easier to shoot on a beach than a desert. In fact my original idea for a story revolved around a rebel attack on a factory that had been taken over by the Empire to serve as an academy, given the planet's ship building industry.
Also, because of the nature of the industry, there would be more opportunities to find shooting locations, such as factories, industrial estates etc (assuming permission can be gotten), rather than driving out into the desert or relying on greenscreen.
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DarthIshtar
Title: Former CR
Registered:
Mar '01
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Date Posted:
5/12 6:51pm
Subject:
RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
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See, I did all that research and then decided that if you had meant Bestine IV, you would have said the IV part. I'll change that.
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Back, burned and bored. Will be writing soon.
Morale officer of the ACWDBTTCAOT.
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The Musical Jedi
Registered:
Dec '99
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Date Posted:
5/12 7:18pm
Subject:
RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
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I can't remember if it was all in PMs and emails, but I know that LLL and I talked about it for a long time during our part and decided that the droid didn't sound natural without contractions. And Threepio uses them all the time.
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DarthIshtar
Title: Former CR
Registered:
Mar '01
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Date Posted:
5/12 7:21pm
Subject:
RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
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Very true. I'll keep that in mind for the revision.
-----signature-----
Back, burned and bored. Will be writing soon.
Morale officer of the ACWDBTTCAOT.
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Jedsithor
Registered:
Oct '05
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Date Posted:
5/12 7:51pm
Subject:
RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
- Date Edited:
5/12 8:15pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Jedsithor
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DarthIshtar posted:
See, I did all that research and then decided that if you had meant Bestine IV, you would have said the IV part. I'll change that.
I didn't even know there was a Bestine on Tatooine until I looked it up today on Wookiepedia 
I actually meant to write "the Bestine system" but it didn't feel natural to say, neither did Bestine IV, so I shortened it to Bestine. My mistake, sorry.
Everything else is looking good though.
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DarthIshtar
Title: Former CR
Registered:
Mar '01
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Date Posted:
5/12 8:02pm
Subject:
RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
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No problem. I knew I had heard of Bestine somewhere before and then remembered Jek Porkins, but...yeah. Now I need to change the line following hanging a right at the third bantha to something like "Not to worry, sir. I don't believe they've yet brought banthas to Bestine."
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Back, burned and bored. Will be writing soon.
Morale officer of the ACWDBTTCAOT.
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Jedsithor
Registered:
Oct '05
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Date Posted:
5/12 8:17pm
Subject:
RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
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DarthIshtar posted:
No problem. I knew I had heard of Bestine somewhere before and then remembered Jek Porkins, but...yeah. Now I need to change the line following hanging a right at the third bantha to something like "Not to worry, sir. I don't believe they've yet brought banthas to Bestine."
I never liked that line anyway...it felt like it came straight from the Wookiepedia entry about Bestine City.
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DarthIshtar
Title: Former CR
Registered:
Mar '01
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Date Posted:
5/12 8:31pm
Subject:
RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
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Wait, which line?
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Back, burned and bored. Will be writing soon.
Morale officer of the ACWDBTTCAOT.
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LLL
Title: TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor
Registered:
Jul '00
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Date Posted:
5/12 8:45pm
Subject:
RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
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*nods* This is looking pretty good.
But I really think that a droid that never uses a contraction ends up sounding up like Lt. Commander Data from Star Trek.
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''Overall, to get a real deep, nuanced understanding of human behaviour, art is the best way.'' --Natalie Portman. Have a question or suggestion for the Archive? PM me anytime. 
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DarthIshtar
Title: Former CR
Registered:
Mar '01
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Date Posted:
5/12 8:54pm
Subject:
RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
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LOL, now there's a good argument.
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Back, burned and bored. Will be writing soon.
Morale officer of the ACWDBTTCAOT.
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Jedsithor
Registered:
Oct '05
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Date Posted:
5/12 10:40pm
Subject:
RE: Community Fan Film Clearinghouse-- PART TWO DONE! (Take it away, Darth Ish!)
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DarthIshtar posted:
Wait, which line?
The bit about the Banthas and the Museum of Tatooine.
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