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Author	Topic: The Dark Intruder (JA fic)
Darth Tristeza Registered: Mar '00	Date Posted: 4/2/00 4:25am Subject: The Dark Intruder (JA fic) - Date Edited: 1/19/05 10:07am (1 edits total) Edited By: Herman Snerd
	Okay, I'm going to post this story against my better judgement. It is the first story I ever wrote...I've always been more of a reader than a writer...but here goes! WARNING!!! This is my version of JA#7...therefore, it contains spoilers for any JA book before #7. This picks up right where #6 left off. The Jedi Temple was under siege. He could think of little else as it came into view upon entering Coruscant's atmosphere. There had been an attempt on Yoda's life, and the news was too disturbing to take in. The temple had been his home for as long as he could remember, and it had always been a place of peace. Now, as he hurried down the ramp towards the temple gates, the peace that emanated from his boyhood home had been replaced by unrest. Something was definitely wrong. He shot a sidelong glance at Qui-gon who strode by his side. He too, seemed uneasy. "Obi-wan" Qui-gon's voice made him look again at his former master. "You are to go straight to your old room. Do not leave it until you here from me." The older man's tone left no room for argument. Obi-wan realized that this was probably how it would be from now on. Qui-gon no longer trusted him. There would be no more adventures at his master's side. He wasn't even allowed to help when his own home was under attack. What if his friends were in trouble? "You will stay in your room, Obi-wan!" the boy looked up again, startled. He had never heard his former master speak so roughly to him. He felt his remaining hopes die within his chest. Qui-gon would never take him back as his apprentice. Qui-gon hurried into the temple leaving a crushed Obi-wan behind. He hadn't meant to be so sharp with the boy, but he needed Obi-wan's obedience now more than ever. This was a dangerous situation they were entering, and he wanted to be sure Obi-wan would stay out of harms way. He quickly headed for the council's chambers knowing that they had called an emergency meeting to discuss the recent events. As he strode down the empty corridors he worked on centering his thoughts on the present situation. He was going to need all his concentration for the task at hand. He had to find out what was going on at the temple. He had to put a stop to this before someone was hurt. Entering the council chambers, he noticed that Tahl was already there, and the discussion was well underway. "Bring Obi-wan back, did you?" Yoda suddenly inquired of him. "Yes, master. I sent him to his room." Why would he be asking about Obi-wan now? Yoda seemed to stare right into him. "Of help, he could be. Work with us, he should." Qui-gon felt his impatience rise. How could he be trying to get him working with his former padawan again when his own life was in danger? "Master Yoda, I think we need to concentrate on the situation at hand. Certainly your feelings on the boy can wait until this situation is resolved." For an instant Qui-gon thought Yoda would just continue to stare into him. He realized that they were short on help. Jedi Knights did not generally visit the temple often, unless they were in the market for a new padawan. Still, the pain from Obi-wan's betrayal was too fresh for him. He couldn't work with the boy. Not yet. Maybe not ever again. To his relief Yoda returned to the topic of the meeting. "Know who the intruder is, we do not. Discover this first, we must."
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Darth Tristeza Registered: Mar '00	Date Posted: 4/5/00 5:47pm Subject: Re: The Dark Intruder (JA fic)
	ACK!! Sorry! I didn't realize that everyone here has probably already read my story! It wasn't until all the problems with the server that I noticed that most of the people on my mailing list are here too! Soooooo...if there is anyone out there who hasn't read this story, and would like to, let me know, and I'll keep posting. If I don't hear from anyone, I'll just delete this thread so it won't clog up the board. Okay? [This message has been edited by Darth Tristeza (edited 04-05-2000).]
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HealerLeona Registered: Jan '00	Date Posted: 4/5/00 5:59pm Subject: Re: The Dark Intruder (JA fic)
	I don't believe I recognize this story, at least not yet. Even if I did I would ask that you continue posting as 1)There's always those out there who haven't read it and 2)A good story is always worth a second read
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Kid Jedi Registered: Apr '00	Date Posted: 4/5/00 6:06pm Subject: Re: The Dark Intruder (JA fic)
	Don't stop now. I don't recall reading this one either...I would love to see more posted. Shall I beg !!!!
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Darth Tristeza Registered: Mar '00	Date Posted: 4/6/00 3:21am Subject: Re: The Dark Intruder (JA fic)
	Okay, well...it's true that good stories can always be re-read...I don't know if mine would qualify...oh well. Here you go. For my two fans. Obi-wan trudged through the temple to his old room. He thought about stopping by his friends' rooms first to see how they were doing, but he quickly pushed those thoughts aside. He would not disobey Qui-gon this time. Instead, Obi-wan turned his thoughts to the last few days, and all that had happened. He was glad the situation on Melida/Daan had come to a peaceful end. But his heart was heavy with the knowledge that he would probably never be Qui-gon's padawan again. He had been so swept up in the Young's struggle for peace, that he had lost sight of his own future, and quite possibly ruined it. Still, he couldn't take back his decision now, and in all honesty he knew he wouldn't, if given the chance. Cerasi had died, and he wouldn't tarnish her memory be wishing he'd never been to her planet. No, what was done, was done. Now all he could do was look towards his future. He knew that there was a chance the council wouldn't accept him back, but as he had discovered on Melida/Dann, he would always be a Jedi. Whether or not the council saw fit to let him continue his training, he had decided to live his life as a Jedi should. With that in mind, he entered his room and settled himself into a calming meditation. Whatever fate awaited him here, he would face it like a Jedi. ~*~ Qui-gon and Tahl were in the temple's record hall sifting through data containing information on all the temple students for the last few decades. Yoda had seemed to think that the mystery aggressor could have been a former disgruntled student. Tahl sat quietly at a console with an earpiece that fed her the details of files through a small audio transmitter. She was searching Bruck's history hoping to find some connection between him, and the man he had been on his way to meet the night he had been discovered. Qui-gon had started with the temple students from 20 years ago, and was working his way through the mountain of information as quickly, and thoroughly as possible. "Enough of this. We are wasting time." Lifting her head, Tahl directed her sightless gaze to Qui-gon. "I agree, but I can think of no better way to proceed. The intruder has left us with little to work with. We can only proceed by narrowing down the possibilities until his identity is discovered." "No. There is simply too much information. Thousands of students have come and gone from the temple. If we continue like this, it will be years before we have even a good guess as to who is responsible." "You may be right, Qui-gon, but what do you suggest we do? All we have so far is a random list of stolen items." Qui-gon felt again a little nudge in the force. It was the same feeling he'd had when viewing the list of stolen articles the first time. There was a pattern, but what? "The intruder is trying to tell us something by his choice of items, I can feel it." "What would the intruder want us to know? If you are right, Qui-gon, then our mystery invader is telling us about himself."
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Darth Tristeza Registered: Mar '00	Date Posted: 4/7/00 1:20am Subject: Re: The Dark Intruder (JA fic)
	uh...hello? looks around empty thread If no one wants to read this, then I can delete it.... delete it... delete it... sheesh! It echos in here! Is anyone interested in this story at all? I don't want to clog up the board with junk nobody wants...
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Darth Tristeza Registered: Mar '00	Date Posted: 4/7/00 1:58am Subject: Re: The Dark Intruder (JA fic)
	There, there. It will be alright. A lot of people write bad first stories. patting self on back Okay. Here is another part. If you read, you must reply, or this thread goes bye,bye. I mean it. Obi-wan looked up as the communicator in his room sounded letting him know that he had received a message. Obi-wan, Come to the training room, you will. Much to discuss, we have. -Master Yoda He stood there for a second just staring at the message. Yoda wanted to see him. This was it. It was finally time to face his destiny. But why in the training room, and not the council chambers? Something didn't seem right. He felt a faint stirring of the force, but quickly dismissed the feeling as his own fear about what Yoda might say. "Jedi are not guided by fear." he reminded himself aloud. He turned from the message and headed out the door, not wanting to let his thoughts delay him any further. He arrived at the training room quickly and was surprised to find it empty. Just as he was considering the implications of that fact, he heard a voice from the door. "Welcome, young Obi-wan. I apologize for the ruse I used to get you here, I'm sure you understand." Obi-wan turned to find a tall figure in the shadows at the entrance to the room. He leaned casually against the wall, his long black hair nearly obscuring his features all together. The next thing that drew the boy's attention was the stranger's lack of Jedi garb. He was clothed instead in a featureless black flight suit. "Who are you, and how did you manage to send a false message to my communicator?" "Aah, patience. Don't they teach you that here? Sending the message was easy. You see, I've been inside the temple for days now. I have access to everything: student records, holo files, communicator frequencies, even your files Obi-wan. I know all about you. In fact, that's why I'm here. As for who I am, why don't you come with me, and I'll tell you a story of a boy much like yourself." Obi-wan stared at the dark stranger. His obsidian eyes showed nothing but sincerity. He reached out with the force, and felt no deceit. Suddenly Obi-wan realized that he felt nothing at all from the stranger: no deceit, no good, no evil, no presence. It was as if he wasn't even standing in the room with him. "Why don't you tell me whatever it is you want tell me right here." "Oh, yes! How foolish of me. Of course you would have reservations about going with a total stranger. You show great caution, a good trait in a Jedi. Very well then, why don't we make ourselves comfortable right here. Shall we?" he said indicating the training room's matted floor. Seeing no other alternative Obi-wan accepted the other's offer to sit, and lowered himself carefully to the mat, never completely taking his eyes off the man. "My name it Trevin Hol. I too, was a student here many years ago. But, much like yourself, I was not immediately chosen as a padawan. I was quite anxious to prove my worthiness, as I'm sure you'll understand, and I worked very hard on my fighting skills to impress the Jedi masters…" As Trevin spoke, Obi-wan found himself drawn into his tale. He told of a boy filled with hope who held great promise as a Jedi. Though he fought his hardest, no master came forward to offer him apprenticeship. Finally, with his thirteenth birthday drawing near, Trevin had become desperate, and had begun practicing the most dangerous maneuvers, forbidden to students, with the hope that it would gain the attention of the masters. Instead of attention, he had gotten himself seriously injured. He had been released from the Jedi temple shortly before his birthday to return to his home planet. "So you see, Obi-wan, I know what it's like to be denied the one thing you've wanted your whole life. And why? All because a few masters were so busy clinging to ancient tradition that they couldn't look beyond a mistake to see the true potential of someone who only tried to follow his heart." ~*~ Pulling up the list of stolen items on his datapad, Qui-gon began to read the items to Tahl. "A tool box from the servo-utility unit, holo files and computer records for students names A through H…" "Qui-gon!" Tahl interrupted. "If we are going on the assumption that we're looking for a former student, who wants us to reveal his identity to us, then perhaps his name is falls in the A to H section of student records." "Of course! Unfortunately, many of the items could apply to any student: a meditation robe, a sports activity kit, the lightsabers…What about the tool box?" Tahl cocked her head in thought. "Perhaps he was one of Master Di'Nal's volunteers?" Master Di'Nal was the Jedi in charge of the temple grounds. It was considered a job of great honor to be allowed to care for the ancient temple, and no outsiders were given the opportunity. Master Di'Nal always used three student volunteers. Qui-gon stood up. "Master Di'Nal keeps no record of his volunteers, but we could go ask if he remembers any who may have left the temple on bad terms."
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Jedi Susie Registered: Mar '00	Date Posted: 4/7/00 3:30am Subject: Re: The Dark Intruder (JA fic)
	Waves to Darth Tristeza Hi Hi it's me! Not sure why you would want to delete this story. I love it and others should be able to enjoy it. Notices Darth Tristeza starting to delete thread Okay, I do know the finer Jedi Arts and am not afraid to use them. Whips out home made lightsaber (aka a paper towel tube colored black) I KNOW how to use this, so keep your thread here! Darth Tristeza backs off slowly Very good. Now, I am going to leave, but keep on posting. This story is a very wonderful read and it keeps getting better! ~Susie
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light_sabe_r Registered: Feb '00	Date Posted: 4/7/00 8:38am Subject: Re: The Dark Intruder (JA fic)
	Hmmm, hard to see what lurkers feel. Ahh.. but revealed my occupation is! Write more you must, or lost I will be. ,I've watched Yoda too much!> -----signature----- @LIGHTSABE*R(:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I am an Oldbie but I am not old... I want Boga! (And Obi too!)
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Kit' Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Oct '99	Date Posted: 4/7/00 8:43am Subject: Re: The Dark Intruder (JA fic)
	It's good...write more! Kithera -----signature----- Join the insanity http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/27996678 * One bad day and a temper tantrum does not a dark Jedi make! http://fanfic.theforce.net/fanfic.asp?action=view&ID=1060
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Darth Tristeza Registered: Mar '00	Date Posted: 4/7/00 12:48pm Subject: Re: The Dark Intruder (JA fic)
	Someone is actually reading this!?! faints "Don't you see, Obi-wan? You and I are the same. The council will never agree to let you continue your training. They will send you away, as they did me." Though Obi-wan still couldn't feel anything through the force regarding Trevin, his instincts told him that the man was not what he seemed. "What does it matter to you if they send me away? I am ready to face the council's decision." Trevin stood, a look of excitement lighting up his features still partially hidden by his long hair. "That's why I'm here! I can show you a whole new universe outside the temple. One in which you will be free to act on your feelings without the interference or judgement of the council. Think of it, Obi-wan. You would be able to help people without fear of reprimand. I see in you someone much like myself, and I'm here to offer you what I have. Come with me, Obi-wan." Obi-wan stood, his eyes locked with Trevin's. He still couldn't sense him. Taking a step back, Obi-wan realized that it was because he was being blocked from the other's mind. He'd never encountered someone with mental shields so strong. Whatever Trevin really wanted, it wasn't what he proclaimed. "I won't come with you. I'm going to stay and face the council. If they send me away, I'll leave, but I'll have no part in whatever you're offering. I've made enough mistakes already." Suddenly, it was as if Obi-wan stood before an entirely different person. The compassionate man with the dark, sincere eyes was replaced instantly by a warrior with a wicked sneer. In a flash Trevin had a lightsaber in his hands, illuminating his face in an evil red glow. "Mistake? You've just made the biggest mistake of your life by refusing me, and this is one mistake you won't live to regret." Trevin attacked Obi-wan so fast, he was barely able to ignite his lightsaber in time to deflect the blow. When their blades connected, the impact was so strong, it sent Obi-wan to his knees, feeling the force of the contact through his arms and all the way down to his toes. Dropping, and rolling away, he realized that there was something different about this enemy. He was stronger than any master he'd ever sparred with. "You feel that, Obi-wan? The healers of my planet couldn't heal my legs and arm, but they were able to give me new ones. Mechanical implants, much stronger that mere flesh." Trevin attacked again, jumping towards Obi-wan, and kicking in mid air. The boy had barely managed to side step the kick when he felt Trevin's fist connect with his midsection, the strength of the punch sending him flying backwards. ~*~ "Thank you, Master Di'Nal. You have been most helpful." "Shame on you, Qui-gon! If you were still a student here, I'd take you over my knee for lying like that. I've been no help at all, and you know it." Qui-gon smiled down at the wrinkled figure hunched over the table. Master Di'Nal had been working at the temple since long before Qui-gon had been born. He didn't think anyone, except maybe Yoda, knew just how old he was. "It wasn't a lie, Master. You've helped us determine that the intruder didn't volunteer for you." Grunting, the old master waved his hands dimissing the Jedi who had come to see him. "Run along now, young ones. You have a thief to catch." "Yes, Master." Tahl and Qui-gon said almost simultaneously as they left. Once they were several meters down the corridor from the ancient master's room, Tahl touched Qui-gon's arm. "Did he ever spank you when you volunteered for him?" "Hmp! More times than I'd care to remember." Qui-gon could see the amusement in Tahl's eyes. She may have lost her sight, but she hadn't lost her sense of humor. Then, clearing his throat he added, "Let's go see Yoda, and let him know what we have so far." "Alright, but when this is over I'll be sure to inquire about those spankings." This time Tahl couldn't keep the chuckle from escaping her throat as they continued towards Yoda's room.
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Bastet Registered: Dec '99	Date Posted: 4/7/00 1:08pm Subject: Re: The Dark Intruder (JA fic)
	Oh no! Obi's in trouble! Save him Qui-Gon, hurry! We know you still care! Ack! I just read JA #5(which totally bites), and now I'm in the middle of reading #7. Could you like, maybe, make Obi have a detailed flashback of exactly what happened in JA #6, 'cause I can't find it anywhere. Er, okay, maybe not. Just wishful thinking... Anyway, this story is great! I haven't read it before either, so please don't delete it! 'Cause I must find out what happens. So hurry and post more please! -----signature----- "Oh yeah. Ooh, aah. That's how it always starts. But then later there's running, then...screaming." --Dr. Ian Malcolm "Okay fine. Go ahead and scream. Then when that tricycloplots attacks you, don't come crying to me." --Paul Kirby
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Darth Tristeza Registered: Mar '00	Date Posted: 4/7/00 1:36pm Subject: Re: The Dark Intruder (JA fic)
	Actually, this story is already written, so adding a flashback would be more than my little brain could handle! Now that it's done, I'm kind of scared to mess with it!! However, since spoiler warnings have been posted, I'll spoil you. #6 did little to add to #5, in my opinion. Basically, Obi is still on Melida/Daan helping the Young, and Qui is back at Coruscant, working with Tahl to try and figure out what's going on...items are turning up missing...the same ones from my story (missing equip, missing crystals, missing records,etc.), and discover that Bruck is helping an in the temple intruder, but they still have no idea who the intruder is. Meanwhile, Cerasi dies by a stray laser bolt right in front of Obi, and he's all shook up. He sends a message to Qui, and asks if he would come back to the planet and help him bring peace. (the Young had already established a government, with Obi as head of security) So...to make a long story short (oops, too late!)... Qui returns, and helps Obi, and we find out that Qui cares about Obi, but doesn't know if he will ever accept the boy back...he's in pain. And, of course, Obi feels terrible. Just when they are about to leave the planet, Qui gets a message telling him that there has been an attempt on Yoda's life. The book ends with the boys boarding the ship to rush back to Coruscant.
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Bastet Registered: Dec '99	Date Posted: 4/7/00 2:05pm Subject: Re: The Dark Intruder (JA fic)
	Hey thanks Darth Tristeza! cool.gif cool.gif -----signature----- "Oh yeah. Ooh, aah. That's how it always starts. But then later there's running, then...screaming." --Dr. Ian Malcolm "Okay fine. Go ahead and scream. Then when that tricycloplots attacks you, don't come crying to me." --Paul Kirby
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light_sabe_r Registered: Feb '00	Date Posted: 4/7/00 7:52pm Subject: Re: The Dark Intruder (JA fic)
	You WILL post more! Guys don't post anything about the real JA#7 since we don't get it here until ages afterward. -----signature----- @LIGHTSABE*R(:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I am an Oldbie but I am not old... I want Boga! (And Obi too!)
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Darth Tristeza Registered: Mar '00	Date Posted: 4/8/00 2:31am Subject: Re: The Dark Intruder (JA fic)
	Darth T's eyes glaze over as she speaks in a monotone voice I WILL post more... Obi-wan hit the rear wall of the training room, and fell limply to the floor. His ribs were on fire, and he was more than a little dizzy as a result of his head connecting with the wall. He reached out to the force, willing his body to forget the pain long enough for him to stand up again. As he picked himself up off the floor, he heard the sound of Trevin's laughter. "Surely you can do better than that, young padawan. Trevin said, placing a sarcastic emphasis on the last word. Obi-wan knew that Trevin wanted to make him angry enough to lose touch with the force. He couldn't let that happen. He closed his eyes concentrating; feeling the living force as it flowed around him. He knew he was no match for Trevin in open combat, he needed to find a way to get the upper hand. The platforms! The training room had a series of multi-level platforms along the side wall, for practicing aerial maneuvers. It had been his favorite exercise as a student. Opening his eyes, he ran for the lowest platform and vaulted up onto its polished surface. "Ah, I see you want to make this interesting. Very well." With that Trevin backflipped onto the lower platform, but Obi-wan was already two levels higher. Obi-wan went on, jumping to higher platforms, with Trevin following. When he reached the top, he quickly backflipped over Trevin's head, swinging his lightsaber down through the man's body. But Trevin had already anticipated the move, and he easily blocked the blow, and spun, sending his foot flying into Obi-wan. ~~ Qui-gon and Tahl were almost halfway to Yoda's room when Qui-gon remembered Obi-wan. It was nearing the dinner hour, and the boy had been alone in his room all day. "I'd like to stop in and check on Obi-wan before we see Yoda." Tahl merely nodded her consent, and they turned in the direction of the student wing. Once they were outside Obi-wan's room she told Qui-gon that she would wait outside to give him some privacy with the boy. Entering, Qui-gon noticed that Obi-wan was neither in the room, nor the adjacent refresher. For an instant, he almost let his anger get the better of him. The boy had gone too far this time. How could he have disobeyed again knowing what it had cost him the last time? Just as he was about to storm back into the hallway, he saw the message on the communicator. A message from Yoda? That couldn't be right. Stepping back into the hall, he pulled out his comlink and contacted Yoda, describing the message to the Jedi master. "Send it, I did not. A trap, this is." Yoda affirmed. "Or, perhaps just a false alibi left by an irresponsible boy." Qui-gon retorted unable to keep the hurt out of his voice. "No, Qui-gon. Obi-wan's doing, this is not. Reach out with your feelings, you must, and help him, you will." With that the old Jedi master cut off the communication. Having heard the whole exchange, Tahl added "He's right, Qui-gon. Someone obviously wanted to lure Obi-wan to the training room." "Why don't you go give our report to Yoda, while I check the training room. If someone left this message for Obi-wan he could be in trouble." ~~ Obi-wan's upper body caught the edge of one of the platforms, and he slid backwards until he was barely hanging on by his hands. The boy closed his eyes trying to breathe. He realized that there was no way he could win this fight. He was beginning to doubt he would even survive it. Using what little remained of his strength he reached out with the force, trying to reopen his mental link with Qui-gon. He couldn't hold on any longer. He felt himself falling and screamed in his mind, "Help me, Master!" ~*~ Qui-gon headed for the training room on the other side of the student housing. He had just started to cut through the central garden when he felt Obi-wan's scream through what was left of their link. Qui-gon nearly stumbled as he felt the panic and anguish coming from his former padawan. It had been weeks now since he had felt anything at all from Obi-wan, and to feel so much all of a sudden was almost too much to bear. He broke into a run.
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